1 00:00:02,267 --> 00:00:04,667 - I HAD AN AMAZING NIGHT LAST NIGHT. 2 00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:05,800 I WAS AT THE SPORTS BAR, 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,267 AND I MET THIS REALLY, REALLY HOT WOMAN. 4 00:00:08,267 --> 00:00:09,267 - HOT WOMAN, YEAH? 5 00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:10,500 SO GET TO THE PART 6 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,633 WHERE YOU NOTICE HER ADAM'S APPLE. 7 00:00:13,633 --> 00:00:15,833 - BELIEVE ME, SHE'S ALL WOMAN, OKAY? 8 00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:17,367 HER NAME'S NATASHA. 9 00:00:17,367 --> 00:00:19,367 SHE'S PRETTY. SHE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY. 10 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,333 I'M TELLING YOU, RAYMOND, WE REALLY HIT IT OFF. 11 00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:22,700 - YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 12 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,100 SO THEN WHAT HAPPENED, YOU RAN OUT OF SINGLES? 13 00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:35,033 - WILL YOU STOP? WILL YOU JUST STOP ALREADY? 14 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:37,033 I'M TELLING YOU, SHE REALLY LIKED ME. 15 00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:38,533 THERE WAS JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM. 16 00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:39,633 - WHAT? 17 00:00:39,633 --> 00:00:41,267 - WELL, IT--IT'S REALLY NOT A PROBLEM, 18 00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:42,733 SHOULDN'T EVEN USE THE WORD "PROBLEM." 19 00:00:42,733 --> 00:00:44,400 IT'S JUST A MINOR, MINOR, MINOR THING. 20 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,400 - ALL RIGHT! WHAT? 21 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,400 WHAT? WHAT IS IT? 22 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,833 - SHE THINKS I'M YOU. 23 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:52,000 [laughs] 24 00:00:55,933 --> 00:00:57,300 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 25 00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,700 YOU MET A WOMAN WHO THINKS THAT YOU'RE ME? 26 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,200 - YEAH, WELL, I'M AT THE BAR, RIGHT? 27 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,700 AND SHE SPILLS HER DRINK ON ME, 28 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:03,900 AND WE START TALKING, 29 00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:06,233 AND I'M TELLING YOU, WE REALLY CONNECTED. 30 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:10,767 I WAS ACTUALLY QUITE CHARMING. 31 00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:13,300 AND THE BARTENDER PASSES ME A TOWEL, RIGHT? 32 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,100 AND HE GOES, "UH, HERE YOU GO, MR. BARONE." 33 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,100 AND WE'RE IN A SPORTS BAR, 34 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,600 SO SHE JUST ASSUMES 35 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,933 THAT I'M RAY BARONE FROM "NEW YORK NEWSDAY!" 36 00:01:19,933 --> 00:01:22,600 [laughs] 37 00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:26,067 - AND YOU DIDN'T CORRECT HER? 38 00:01:26,067 --> 00:01:29,167 - SHE SEEMED SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU. 39 00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:31,333 SHE'S A BIG FAN OF YOURS. 40 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,433 - YEAH, BUT LISTEN, YOU CAN'T-- 41 00:01:33,433 --> 00:01:36,133 WHOA, A HOT WOMAN IS A BIG FAN OF MINE? 42 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,800 - I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER. 43 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,900 - DID SHE MENTION ANY PARTICULAR COLUMN? 44 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:49,333 - WELL, SHE DID SAY SOMETHING ABOUT A CAL RIPKEN PROFILE 45 00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:52,100 JUST BEFORE WE... 46 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,667 [singing] BAH-BAH BAH-BAH BAH-BAH! 47 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,867 - NO! NO! 48 00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:57,533 COME ON, FIRST NIGHT? 49 00:01:57,533 --> 00:02:01,533 - BIG FAN. 50 00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:02,700 - HA! 51 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:07,067 I DID GET A LOT OF GOOD FEEDBACK ON THAT PIECE. 52 00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:09,267 - YOU CERTAINLY DID. 53 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,800 - HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. 54 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,800 WAIT A MINUTE. 55 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,000 IF SHE KNOWS MY WRITING, 56 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,467 THEN SHE MUST KNOW I HAVE A WIFE. 57 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,967 - HAD. HAD A WIFE. 58 00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:25,867 - YOU SAID I WAS DIVORCED? 59 00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,633 - WIDOWER. 60 00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:28,933 - YOU KILLED DEBRA? 61 00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:31,033 - HAD TO BE DONE. 62 00:02:31,033 --> 00:02:32,367 BUT DON'T WORRY. 63 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:35,100 YOU STUCK BY HER THROUGH A VERY LONG ILLNESS. 64 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,667 YOU WERE WONDERFUL. 65 00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:38,967 OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER HAD ANY CHILDREN. 66 00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:40,367 - WHAT? 67 00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:42,433 - I COULDN'T LEAVE ANY LOOSE ENDS. 68 00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,833 - HEY, LOOK, MAN, YOU GOT TO SET HER STRAIGHT. 69 00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:47,333 THIS IS NOT RIGHT WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 70 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,267 - I KNOW, BUT I REALLY LIKE HER, 71 00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,767 AND I DON'T WANT TO BLOW THIS, YOU KNOW? 72 00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:53,733 I JUST HAVE TO PICK THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL HER. 73 00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,067 GOT TO LAY THE GROUNDWORK. 74 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:56,867 - ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO IT, 75 00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:58,067 BECAUSE IT'S WRONG, MAN. 76 00:02:58,067 --> 00:02:59,200 IT'S WRONG WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 77 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,200 - I KNOW. - ALL RIGHT. 78 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,367 SO HOW HOT WAS SHE? 79 00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:10,067 - OH, RAYMOND, SO OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. 80 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,500 - OH. 81 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:15,800 OH, I LOVE WHEN THEY'RE OUT OF MY LEAGUE. 82 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:16,833 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, 83 00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:18,900 LET ME ASK YOU, 84 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,567 WHILE YOU WERE-- 85 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,767 DID SHE SAY MY NAME OR ANYTHING? 86 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,867 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! 87 00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,100 - OH. OH, I'M SORRY. 88 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,400 DID I CROSS OVER SOME MORAL LINE, RAY? 89 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:32,700 - ALL RIGHT. 90 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:36,000 JUST SUFFICE TO SAY SHE WAS REALLY INTO YOU. 91 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,867 - OH. GREAT. 92 00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:41,300 I FINALLY HAVE SEX. I'M NOT EVEN THERE. 93 00:03:45,233 --> 00:03:47,433 - SHE WAS A DYNAMO! 94 00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:50,000 - OH, REALLY? - OH, YEAH. 95 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,000 - HOW WAS I? 96 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,267 - SO-SO. 97 00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:58,733 [doorbell rings] 98 00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:03,433 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? 99 00:04:03,433 --> 00:04:04,867 THIS WAS SENT TO MY OFFICE. 100 00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:06,167 COME ON. 101 00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:07,900 "TO THE BEGINNING OF A WONDERFUL ROMANCE. 102 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:09,567 LOVE, NATASHA." 103 00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:12,067 OH, I CAN'T HAVE THIS THERE. IT'S LIKE A TIME BOMB. 104 00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,767 - ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR BRINGING IT OVER. 105 00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:15,167 BYE-BYE. 106 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,733 - WELL, I GET AT LEAST TWO OF THESE BROWNIES. 107 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,400 - NO, THE BROWNIES ARE FOR ME, THANK YOU. 108 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,900 - WELL, COME ON. I BROUGHT THE THING OVER. 109 00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,767 - I'M HEADING FOR WORK NOW, SO I'LL SEE-- 110 00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:24,133 OH, HI. - HI. 111 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,400 - NATASHA, 112 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,433 THIS IS MY BROTHER, ROBERT. 113 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,500 BROTHER ROBERT, THIS IS MY FRIEND NATASHA. 114 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,167 - WELL, IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU, ROBERT. 115 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,033 RAY HAS SAID SO MANY GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. 116 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,167 - HE HAS, HAS HE? 117 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,767 - OH, YOU SHOULD HEAR HOW HE BRAGS ABOUT YOU. 118 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:46,200 "WHAT A GREAT COP ROBERT IS." YOU'RE LIKE HIS HERO. 119 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,700 - AW. HA. 120 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:52,500 RAY. 121 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,267 - HE'S TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOUR COMMENDATIONS 122 00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:55,767 AND YOUR PROMOTIONS. 123 00:04:55,767 --> 00:04:56,800 - REALLY? YEAH. 124 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,133 YEAH, THAT'S NO BIG DEAL. 125 00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,800 THEY GIVE YOU THOSE JUST FOR SHOWING UP. 126 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,433 YEAH. 127 00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:04,100 - YEAH, BUT RAY SAID YOU WERE WOUNDED IN THE LINE OF DUTY. 128 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,033 - OH, OH, OH, YEAH. HE TOLD YOU THAT? 129 00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:08,900 YEAH, THAT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF STUPID. 130 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:11,200 I, UH--I ALLOWED MYSELF 131 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,600 TO GET GORED IN THE ASS BY A BULL. 132 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,633 - [sighs] DON'T BE SO MODEST. 133 00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:21,067 FIRST OF ALL, HE WAS SAVING PEOPLE. 134 00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,500 AND IT WAS ACTUALLY THE UPPER THIGH. 135 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:24,933 - NO, NO, NO, NO, RIGHT IN THE ASS. 136 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,800 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 137 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,467 REALLY, REALLY STUPID. 138 00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:30,800 AND I STILL COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. 139 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,267 - OH, WILL YOU STOP IT? 140 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,500 STOP BEING SO FUNNY. 141 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,033 EVERYBODY THINKS I'M THE FUNNY ONE. 142 00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:37,500 HE'S THE FUNNY ONE. 143 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,100 THIS GUY IS A CRACK-UP. YOU'RE A GREAT COP. 144 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:43,667 GET OUT OF HERE. 145 00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:45,700 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW, I'M AN OKAY COP, 146 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,400 BUT I WOULD RATHER BE A GREAT WRITER 147 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,500 LIKE MY BROTHER, RAYMOND. 148 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,400 I MEAN, HE'S A CULTURAL HERO. 149 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,800 - YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND. I'M JUST A SCRIBBLER. 150 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,333 - A SCRIBBLER, YEAH. 151 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,333 DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE THE PROFILE OF CAL RIPKEN, JR? 152 00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,400 - OH, I LOVED THAT PIECE. 153 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,433 - REALLY? YEAH, ME, TOO. 154 00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:00,200 ME TOO. - WHAT ABOUT YOU? 155 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,733 ROBERT'S PLANNING A CLOTHING DRIVE 156 00:06:01,733 --> 00:06:03,700 FOR THE POLICE ATHLETIC LEAGUE. 157 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,400 HE JUST CAN'T STOP WITH THE GIVING. 158 00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:11,667 - I DON'T BELIEVE YOU TWO. 159 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,633 - NO? 160 00:06:17,633 --> 00:06:20,100 - I'VE NEVER MET TWO BROTHERS WHO GET ALONG SO WELL 161 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,567 AND ADMIRE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. 162 00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:24,200 IT'S UNREAL. 163 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,067 - IT IS UNREAL. 164 00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:28,367 - WELL, SOMEBODY RAISED YOU RIGHT. 165 00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:30,133 YOU MUST HAVE AMAZING PARENTS. 166 00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,733 - YEAH. [clears throat] 167 00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:38,633 THEY WOULD AMAZE YOU. 168 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:39,733 - I GOT TO GO. 169 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,333 I HOPE TO BE SEEING YOU AGAIN, ROBERT. 170 00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,433 - OH, YEAH! YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT. 171 00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:46,333 - OH, HOW DID THIS GET HERE? 172 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:48,400 - OH, YEAH, YEAH. ROBERT BROUGHT THIS OVER. 173 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,067 HE STOPPED BY MY OFFICE THIS MORNING 174 00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:51,667 AND DELIVERED IT HERE. 175 00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:52,833 ALWAYS THINKING OF ME. 176 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:54,233 - MM. 177 00:06:54,233 --> 00:06:56,533 HEY, RAY, COULD I GET ONE OF THOSE BROWNIES? 178 00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,967 - CERTAINLY. - OH. 179 00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:04,700 THANKS, RAY. 180 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,767 - [laughs] 181 00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:09,100 THAT'S FUNNY. RAY DOES THAT CHIN THING TOO. 182 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:12,700 - HMM, YEAH, WE'RE BOTH IDIOTS, 'CAUSE WE DO THAT. 183 00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:17,933 - THAT'S CUTE. THAT'S CUTE. 184 00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:18,933 I'LL SEE YOU LATER, RAY. 185 00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:19,933 - MM. 186 00:07:19,933 --> 00:07:21,267 [chuckles] 187 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,300 I SWEAR TO GOD 188 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,000 I WAS GONNA TELL HER LAST NIGHT. 189 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,067 I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE KNOWS 190 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,767 WHAT A GREAT GUY ROBERT IS, SEE? 191 00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:38,400 I'M TRYING TO GET HER TO FALL FOR ME. 192 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,700 - YEAH, LIKE SHE'S GONNA DUMP ME FOR YOU? 193 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:46,467 - YOU WATCH. I'M SLOWLY MAKING THE TRANSFER. 194 00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:47,667 I BUILD UP WHO ROBERT IS, 195 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,933 THE KIND, COMPASSIONATE POLICE OFFICER, 196 00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:52,700 AND I DOWNPLAY THE SHALLOW, HEARTLESS SPORTSWRITER 197 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,367 UNTIL SHE SAYS, "GEE, RAY, 198 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,100 I WISH YOU WERE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER," 199 00:07:56,100 --> 00:08:00,633 AND THEN, TA-DA! 200 00:08:00,633 --> 00:08:05,800 - TA-DA? YOU'RE A PSYCHOTIC LIAR. 201 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,067 COME ON. JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. 202 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,367 - I'M GONNA. - TONIGHT. 203 00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,433 - BUT THERE'S GROUNDWORK. 204 00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:13,333 - PSYCHOTIC! - ALL RIGHT! 205 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,100 I'LL TELL HER TONIGHT. 206 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,200 - ALL RIGHT. 207 00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:27,667 SHE IS PRETTY, THOUGH. 208 00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:29,967 - WHAT'D I TELL YOU? - MM. 209 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,200 WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. 210 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,533 - MINE TOO. - YEAH. 211 00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,167 YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE NEITHER ONE OF US 212 00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:40,100 COULD'VE GOTTEN HER ON OUR OWN, BUT-- 213 00:08:43,933 --> 00:08:45,167 - BUT MELDED TOGETHER, 214 00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:49,233 WE WERE LIKE A WHOLE OTHER ENTITY, 215 00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:52,233 LIKE A SUPERHERO. 216 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,800 WE WERE BETTER THAN JUST RAY. 217 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,133 - BETTER THAN JUST ROBERT. 218 00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:59,033 - WE WERE 219 00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:01,400 RAYBERT. 220 00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,367 COME ON. YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY OUT ANYWAY. 221 00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:14,433 YOU CAN'T HELP YOUR BROTHER 222 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:16,033 WITH HIS LAUNDRY DOWN THE STAIRS? 223 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,133 WE'RE RAYBERT. 224 00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,667 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, RAYBERT. 225 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,500 WHAT THE HELL YOU GOT IN HERE ANYWAY? 226 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,700 - JUST SOME SOCKS AND UNMENTIONABLES. 227 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,033 - YEAH. 228 00:09:25,033 --> 00:09:27,533 TOO BAD THEY'RE NOT UNSMELLABLES. 229 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,000 - HEY. - HEY. 230 00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:40,667 - YOU KNOW HER? - YEAH, RIGHT. 231 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,600 - HEY, LET ME HELP YOU SORT SOME OF THIS STUFF OUT, RAY. 232 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,267 - EXCUSE ME. 233 00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,100 DO EITHER OF YOU HAVE CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR? 234 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,233 - UH, NO. NO, I DON'T. 235 00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:58,467 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 236 00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,267 MY BROTHER, RAY BARONE, PROBABLY DOES. 237 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:04,567 YEAH. YEAH. 238 00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:06,800 YEAH. YOU PROBABLY DO, RIGHT? 239 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,267 HE'S A TOP SPORTSWRITER OVER AT "NEWSDAY." 240 00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:10,500 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 241 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,600 CAN YOU HELP HER OUT, RAY BARONE? 242 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,467 - I THINK I MIGHT HAVE CHANGE. 243 00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:16,800 - OH, YES. 244 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:22,133 TOP WRITER AT "NEWSDAY" IS GONNA HAVE PLENTY O' CHANGE. 245 00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,333 - THANKS. 246 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:28,800 SO THIS GUY MUST BE THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR FAN CLUB. 247 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,467 - [laughs] NO, NO, NO. 248 00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,500 YEAH, NO, I'M JUST HIS BROTHER, ROBERT, THAT'S ALL, 249 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,400 YOU KNOW, BUT I AM PROUD OF HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 250 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,733 YEAH. YOU BET I AM. 251 00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:37,433 BUT YOU TWO GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING. 252 00:10:37,433 --> 00:10:40,100 YOU WORK OUT THAT CHANGE THING. YEAH, GO AHEAD. 253 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,367 - SO YOU'RE RAY BARONE? 254 00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,767 - UH, YES. YES, I AM. 255 00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:46,033 - MY FATHER LOVES YOUR COLUMN. 256 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,133 - WELL, THANK YOU. 257 00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:48,833 - SO DOES MY FATHER. YEAH. 258 00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:52,100 AND HIS FATHER, 'CAUSE-- 'CAUSE WE'RE BROTHERS. 259 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,233 YEAH, ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO LAUNDRY. 260 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,567 - HEY, HEY, IT WORKS. RAYBERT WORKS. 261 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,200 - ALL RIGHT, BUT I LIKE NATASHA. 262 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,700 - OH, YOU CAN'T TIE RAYBERT DOWN LIKE THAT. 263 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:10,867 - HEY, RAYBERT MAY BE TWO GUYS, BUT HE'S A ONE-WOMAN MAN. 264 00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:13,233 - COME ON, I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. 265 00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:14,300 - THANKS FOR THE CHANGE. 266 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,033 both: YOU'RE WELCOME. 267 00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,700 - SO YOU--YOU'RE USING NUMBER SEVEN. 268 00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:24,700 THERE'S A GREAT AGITATOR IN THERE. 269 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,200 - OKAY. 270 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,867 - LISTEN, YOU KNOW, TELL YOUR DAD 271 00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:30,967 IF HE EVER WANTS TO TALK SPORTS, 272 00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:33,200 I'D BE HAPPY TO. 273 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,833 - THAT'S SO NICE. THANKS. 274 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:37,067 I'M WENDI. 275 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,067 - I'M STILL RAY. 276 00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,067 - RIGHT. 277 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,200 [all laugh] 278 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,133 I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THE BUILDING. 279 00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:46,700 - OKEYDOKEY. - BYE. 280 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,400 - BYE. - BYE. 281 00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:57,600 [laughs] 282 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,367 OH, GOD! 283 00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:01,833 - RAY. 284 00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:03,400 - OH, I GOT TO TELL YOU, 285 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,000 THAT WAS WILD WATCHING THAT. 286 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:09,100 IT'S LIKE I INVENTED A WORLD WHERE LADIES WANT RAY! 287 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,533 - BERT! RAYBERT! 288 00:12:10,533 --> 00:12:12,433 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, RAYBERT, RAYBERT, RAYBERT. 289 00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,233 HEY, LISTEN, YOU-- WITH YOUR AVAILABILITY 290 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,267 AND MY MYSTIQUE, WE-- 291 00:12:16,267 --> 00:12:18,767 WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE! 292 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,433 - ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, 293 00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:23,500 WE MAY HAVE UNLEASHED AN AWESOME POWER HERE. 294 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:27,367 BUT WITH THAT POWER COMES RESPONSIBILITY. 295 00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:31,000 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 296 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,600 YOU GOT TO START WORKING ON MY WARDROBE. 297 00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:40,633 [doorbell rings] 298 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,333 - HI. - HI. 299 00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,400 - I'M NATASHA. IS ROBERT HERE? 300 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,200 - UH, NO, NOT AT THE MOMENT. 301 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,933 - WELL, I MET HIM THIS MORNING, AND I JUST-- 302 00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:55,500 - YOU MET ROBBIE? 303 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,367 - YES. 304 00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:58,400 - DID YOU LIKE HIM? 305 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,467 - SURE, HE SEEMS VERY NICE. - HE IS VERY NICE. 306 00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:02,833 I'M HIS MOTHER. - MARIE. 307 00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:04,200 - WHAT? 308 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,100 I'M INTERESTED IN MY SON'S FRIENDS. 309 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,567 WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME, NATASHA? 310 00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:10,667 - LEONETTI. 311 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,467 - [gasps] ITALIAN! 312 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,033 - WELL, ON MY FATHER'S SIDE. 313 00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:16,333 - GOOD ENOUGH! COME ON IN, DEAR. 314 00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:18,233 - I JUST WANTED TO DROP OFF SOME THINGS 315 00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:20,100 FOR THE POLICE CLOTHING DRIVE. 316 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,633 - OKAY. 317 00:13:21,633 --> 00:13:23,667 I MEAN, YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO LEAVE THEM HERE, 318 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,733 BUT YOU MIGHT DO BETTER TAKING THEM TO HIS PLACE. 319 00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:28,067 - OH, I'M SORRY. THIS ISN'T ROBERT'S HOUSE. 320 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,467 I SAW "R. BARONE" IN THE PHONE BOOK. 321 00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,200 I JUST ASSUMED-- - IT'S OKAY. 322 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,000 WE'LL MAKE SURE THAT HE GETS THEM. 323 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,267 - THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 324 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:37,267 IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU. - YOU TOO. 325 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:41,400 - WELL, HELLO. 326 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,667 - HELLO. 327 00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:44,267 - FRANK? 328 00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:47,633 FRANK, THIS IS ROBBIE'S NEW FRIEND, NATASHA. 329 00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:49,400 - NATASHA. 330 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,167 WELL, ANY GORGEOUS FRIEND OF ROBERT'S 331 00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:53,633 IS A GORGEOUS FRIEND OF MINE. 332 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,567 WHERE IS RAY? I WANT TO SEE HIS DEAD TOENAIL. 333 00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:02,100 I THINK I GOT THE SAME THING. 334 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,367 - UH, RAY'S HERE? 335 00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:08,633 - OH, YES, HE'S UPSTAIRS PUTTING THE KIDS TO BED. 336 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:12,667 - KIDS? WHAT KIDS? 337 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,067 - HOW DO YOU-- 338 00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,067 WAIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW RAY? 339 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:20,567 - WE MET AT A BAR. 340 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,100 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THROUGH ROBERT? 341 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,033 - NO, NO, NO, I MET ROBERT THROUGH RAY, 342 00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:27,733 'CAUSE RAY AND I ARE KIND OF DATING. 343 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:29,600 - [gasps] 344 00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:39,167 - HOLY CRAP! 345 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,833 - WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? 346 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:46,567 - IS THERE A PROBLEM? 347 00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:49,133 - UM, NO, THERE'S NO PROBLEM. 348 00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:50,300 I'M JUST SURPRISED 349 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:55,000 THAT MY HUSBAND HAS TIME TO DATE. 350 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,367 - WHAT? YOU'RE HIS WIFE? 351 00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,233 RAY SAID YOU WERE DEAD! 352 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:02,800 - [gasps] OH! OH! 353 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,433 OH! OH! 354 00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:17,200 - HOLY CRAP! 355 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,433 - [singing] BEACH BABY 356 00:15:18,433 --> 00:15:21,567 BEACH BABY DOWN ON THE SAND-- 357 00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:27,200 - SHAME ON YOU, YOUNG MAN! 358 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,533 - WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE! 359 00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,267 - DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING? 360 00:15:30,267 --> 00:15:31,633 YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOUR WOMAN, 361 00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:34,300 YOU DON'T GO OUT AND GET ANOTHER WOMAN! 362 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:38,100 NOW ALL YOU GOT IS TWO PROBLEMS! 363 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,500 - JUST WAIT A MINUTE! 364 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:45,033 - OKAY, JUST BACK IT UP, EVERYBODY. 365 00:15:45,033 --> 00:15:46,667 - ROBERT, WHAT IS GOING ON? 366 00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,900 - THAT'S NOT ROBERT. THAT'S RAYMOND. 367 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,200 - YOU'RE NOT ROBERT? 368 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,733 - OKAY, LOOK, IF YOU JUST LET ME TALK, 369 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:53,600 I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. 370 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:08,533 I AM ROBERT. 371 00:16:08,533 --> 00:16:12,267 - WOW, THAT IS ONE BAD ALIBI. 372 00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:38,600 - [changes voice] I COME TO FIX SPRINKLER. 373 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,333 - WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 374 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,300 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 375 00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,367 - MAN, LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE THAT WATER VALVE IS. 376 00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:02,500 - RAY. 377 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,033 - SORRY, MAN. 378 00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:09,400 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. FORGET IT. 379 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,700 [clears throat forcefully] 380 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:15,067 I AM ROBERT BARONE, LIEUTENANT, NYPD, 381 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,900 AND THIS IS MY BROTHER, 382 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,200 RAYMOND, 383 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,800 SPORTSWRITER, "NEWSDAY." 384 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,500 - HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 385 00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:27,300 - WHEN YOU FIRST MISTOOK ME FOR RAYMOND, 386 00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,233 I DIDN'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN. 387 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:32,033 - SO YOU LIED TO ME? 388 00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:33,167 I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. 389 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:36,100 - NO, NO, WAIT, NATASHA, 390 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,333 LISTEN. 391 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,267 I WAS GONNA TELL YOU SO MANY TIMES. 392 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,733 IT'S JUST THAT I REALLY LIKED YOU, 393 00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:44,167 AND I DIDN'T WANT-- 394 00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:46,767 YOU SEE, PEOPLE SEEM TO RESPOND DIFFERENTLY 395 00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,367 TO RAYMOND. 396 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,567 HE'S ALWAYS BEEN THE FUNNY ONE, 397 00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:51,933 THE SMART ONE, 398 00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:53,500 THE FAVORED ONE. 399 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:56,600 - WE'VE NEVER SHOWN ANY FAVORITISM. 400 00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:07,033 - SEE, YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND 401 00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:08,300 I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED 402 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:11,200 WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE RAYMOND. 403 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,133 AND IT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE 404 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,967 BECAUSE I MET YOU. 405 00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:19,100 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 406 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,400 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 407 00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:26,633 I LIKED YOU. 408 00:18:26,633 --> 00:18:28,367 - REALLY? 409 00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:33,833 - NOT ANYMORE. 410 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:36,700 THIS IS SO HUMILIATING. 411 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,700 - I HEAR YOU. 412 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,667 - AND WHAT DID YOU THINK, 413 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,800 I WAS SOME RAY BARONE GROUPIE? 414 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,967 YOU KNOW WHAT? 415 00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:46,300 GOOD-BYE, WHOEVER YOU ARE! 416 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,400 - [laughs] 417 00:18:58,600 --> 00:18:59,900 IT'S NOT YOU. 418 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:05,000 IT'S THAT SHE SAID, "RAY BARONE GROUPIE." 419 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,433 - ALL RIGHT, DAD. 420 00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:09,267 - THAT'S GOT TO BE A PRETTY SMALL GROUP. 421 00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:13,333 ALL YOU GOT LEFT IS HER. 422 00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:14,700 I'LL SAY THIS, ROBERT. 423 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:18,867 YOU'RE SCARING OFF A BETTER CLASS OF BROAD. 424 00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,167 - ALWAYS THERE FOR ME, DAD. 425 00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:22,467 - HE'S RIGHT. 426 00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:24,933 WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HELP YOU, ROBBIE? 427 00:19:24,933 --> 00:19:27,100 - HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP HIMSELF. 428 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:30,700 WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? 429 00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:32,367 YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE? 430 00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,633 I MEAN, PLEASE, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 431 00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:40,000 YOU HAVE GOT TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE SELF-ESTEEM! 432 00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:44,067 - YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M AN IDIOT. 433 00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,700 - YES--NO! THAT'S--NO! 434 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:49,067 THAT--THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 435 00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,367 WHEN ARE YOU GONNA SEE 436 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:54,233 WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SEE IN YOU, ROBERT? 437 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,367 - I KNOW. I KNOW. 438 00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:00,200 IT'S JUST IT STARTED AS A MIX-UP, 439 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,767 AND THEN RAYMOND AND I 440 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,600 JUST STARTED HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH IT. 441 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,633 - WAIT A MINUTE. 442 00:20:05,633 --> 00:20:09,667 RAY AND YOU? 443 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,633 - BY "RAY," HE MEANS HIM 'CAUSE OF THAT THING HE DID. 444 00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:14,167 YEAH. 445 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,600 - NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT BLAMING YOU, RAY. 446 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,000 I MEAN, IT'S MY FAULT. I ENJOYED BEING RAYBERT TOO. 447 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,500 - RAYBERT? 448 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,600 - YEAH. 449 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,267 THAT'S WHAT WE CALLED US. IT WAS FUN. 450 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:31,333 AND IT WORKED. 451 00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,633 THERE WAS NATASHA 452 00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:34,200 AND THEN THE GIRL IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM. 453 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,200 - THE GIRL IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM? 454 00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:50,167 - [changes voice] I GO FIX SPRINKLER NOW. 455 00:20:55,033 --> 00:20:57,200 - OH, GOOD, HE'S HERE. 456 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:01,567 DAD, THIS IS RAY BARONE. 457 00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:02,433 - UM-- 458 00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,767 - THAT'S NOT RAY BARONE. 459 00:21:03,767 --> 00:21:06,200 - WHAT? - I'VE SEEN HIM IN INTERVIEWS. 460 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,500 - LISTEN-- 461 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,033 - THIS GUY TOLD YOU HE WAS RAY BARONE? 462 00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:12,067 - YEAH. 463 00:21:12,067 --> 00:21:15,200 - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL? 464 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,433 - YOU'RE NOT RAY BARONE? 465 00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:21,133 - I HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES. 466 00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:23,600 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 467 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:28,133 - NO ONE KNOWS. 468 00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:31,067 - STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, UNDERSTAND ME? 469 00:21:31,067 --> 00:21:32,333 OR I'LL CALL THE COPS. 470 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:37,300 - ACTUALLY, I AM A COP. 471 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,700 - YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME NOW? 472 00:21:43,967 --> 00:21:45,300 LET'S GO. 473 00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:47,967 FROM NOW ON, YOU DO YOUR LAUNDRY AT HOME. 474 00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:49,767 - WEIRDO. 475 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:52,333 - THAT DOESN'T HELP MY SELF-ESTEEM!