1 00:00:01,467 --> 00:00:02,300 - HELLO, DEARS. 2 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,733 - HEY, MARIE. - HEY. 3 00:00:03,733 --> 00:00:06,267 - OH, DEBRA, I NEED MY BIG SPOON BACK. 4 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,900 I'M MAKING CAKES. 5 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,267 - OH, SURE. FOR THE BAKE SALE? 6 00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:11,167 - FOR THE BAKE SALE? 7 00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:15,467 LET'S BE HONEST. MY CAKES ARE THE BAKE SALE. 8 00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:17,100 - I'M MAKING CUPCAKES THIS YEAR. 9 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:22,933 - OH, I THINK THAT'S SWEET YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP. 10 00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:25,067 I WOULDN'T MAKE TOO MANY. 11 00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:28,200 OKAY, THAT'S IT. 12 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,267 I JUST NEEDED MY BIG SPOON. 13 00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:32,467 THANKS. BACK TO BAKING. 14 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,933 OH, AND I'M GONNA SEND YOUR FATHER OVER. 15 00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,133 OKAY, GOOD-BYE. 16 00:00:35,133 --> 00:00:37,133 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. - WHAT? 17 00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:38,833 WHY IS HE COMING OVER HERE? 18 00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:41,867 BECAUSE I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE, AND I CAN'T HAVE HIM THERE. 19 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,567 - WELL, I DON'T WANT HIM HERE. 20 00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:47,600 YESTERDAY, HE WAS SHOWING THE KIDS HOW TO BURP OUT A CANDLE. 21 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,000 - THAT'S WHY I WANT HIM OUT. 22 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,233 I'M WORKING WITH FOOD. 23 00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:53,800 IT'S A MATTER OF PUBLIC HEALTH. 24 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,600 OH, PLEASE. 25 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,433 I DO A LOT OF BABYSITTING FOR YOU. 26 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:02,200 - YEAH, BUT OUR KIDS DON'T CURSE AS MUCH. 27 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,033 - ALLY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE PARK WITH GRANDPA? 28 00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:12,733 - NO, THANKS. 29 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,367 - RAYMOND, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HIM 30 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,033 TO ONE OF YOUR SPORTS GAMES? 31 00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:21,567 - I'M NOT TAKING HIM TO ANY OF MY SPORTS GAMES, OKAY? 32 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:22,967 BESIDES, THE ONLY FOOTBALL AROUND 33 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:23,967 IS HOFSTRA AND NORTHEASTERN. 34 00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,633 THEY'RE BOTH 0-7. 35 00:01:25,633 --> 00:01:28,800 IT'S LIKE WATCHIN' THE KIDS HAVE A TICKLE FIGHT. 36 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,233 - WELL, YOUR FATHER ALREADY HAS HIS OUTSIDE PANTS ON, 37 00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:32,900 SO I'M SENDING HIM OVER. 38 00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,900 - NO! COME ON, MA. 39 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:37,133 - HEY, HEY. WHAT'S SHAKIN', EVERYBODY? 40 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,600 - HEY. HEY, ROBERT. 41 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,567 WHO DO YOU LIKE IN THE BIG GAME TODAY? 42 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:41,733 - WHAT BIG GAME? 43 00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:44,733 - HOFSTRA AND NORTHEASTERN. WHERE YA BEEN? 44 00:01:44,733 --> 00:01:47,100 TSS... HUH? 45 00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:54,167 - WHAT'S WITH THAT? [chuckles] 46 00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:59,300 - I REALLY HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING HOFSTRA. 47 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,133 - WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS THEIR YEAR. 48 00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:02,467 AND NORTHEASTERN? 49 00:02:02,467 --> 00:02:05,467 IT'S LIKE CLASH OF THE TITANS TODAY. 50 00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:06,400 - YEAH? 51 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,200 - YOU WANT TO GO OR NOT? 52 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,067 - REALLY? 53 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,600 - HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO. 54 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,333 - NO, NO, NO. I'LL GO. I'LL GO. I WANT TO GO. 55 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,000 - ALL RIGHT. GOOD. 56 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,567 - OKAY, GREAT. GO GET DAD AND GO. 57 00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:22,467 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT. 58 00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:23,733 ME AND DAD? 59 00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:25,000 - THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR. 60 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,067 THERE'S GONNA BE A BIG TICKLE FIGHT. 61 00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:33,733 - ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 62 00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:35,400 IF YOU WANT TO BEAT THE TRAFFIC, YOU BETTER GET GOIN'. 63 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,133 - WELL, WHAT? YOU'RE NOT COMIN'? 64 00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:39,533 - I WISH. I WISH. I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. 65 00:02:39,533 --> 00:02:43,367 I GOT TO WORK ON THE FRICKIN' BAKE SALE ALL DAY. 66 00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:44,433 WITCHY-POO HAS GOT ME 67 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:48,967 FROSTING UP THE CUPCAKES ALL DAY. 68 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:52,267 - AH, THE PERILS OF MARRIAGE, HUH? 69 00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:53,533 THAT'S TOO BAD, RAYMOND. 70 00:02:53,533 --> 00:02:55,900 WELL, I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT YA. 71 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:59,667 - I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU. 72 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,033 SUCKER! 73 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,800 - WITCHY-POO? 74 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,400 - YEAH. THAT WAS GREAT. 75 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,967 THE FACE THAT YOU MADE WHEN I SAID IT, 76 00:03:09,967 --> 00:03:11,433 IT WAS PERFECT, YEAH. 77 00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:14,633 YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT, YEAH. 78 00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:17,300 OKAY, YOU CAN STOP NOW. 79 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,700 - GO WITH DAD TO THE GAME. 80 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,067 WHY DO YOU HATE ME? 81 00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:41,500 - WHAT'S ON YOUR SHIRT? 82 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,833 - NACHO CHEESE. 83 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,567 - MY INTRODUCTION, PLEASE. 84 00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:50,000 - YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU DID? 85 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,167 - JUST INTRODUCE ME! 86 00:03:56,633 --> 00:04:01,333 - LYNN SWANN, JERRY RICE, AND NOW FRANK BARONE. 87 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,700 - WHAT, YOU BOUGHT A FOOTBALL? 88 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,533 - NO BOUGHT-- CAUGHT. 89 00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:10,567 ROBERT. 90 00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,100 - HEY, LOOK, I DID YOUR INTRO, DAD. 91 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:13,600 I'M DONE. 92 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,333 - HEY, YOU WERE A WITNESS TO GLORY. 93 00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:18,167 HISTORY DEMANDS YOUR TESTIMONY. 94 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,600 - WHAT HAPPENED? 95 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:23,300 - WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IN SPITE OF THE HYPE, 96 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:28,733 TODAY'S GAME WAS NOT A GREAT MATCHUP. 97 00:04:28,733 --> 00:04:30,600 - COME ON, REALLY? 98 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,167 - BUT AT THE END, THIS KID FROM HOFSTRA 99 00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,100 KICKS AN UNBELIEVABLE FIELD GOAL. 100 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,967 - 68 YARDS. 101 00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:38,167 - 68-YARD FIELD GOAL? 102 00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:40,833 - YEP, THE LONGEST EVER, COLLEGE OR PRO. 103 00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:47,567 COME ON, ROBERT, TELL IT LIKE YOU'RE NOT A GELDING. 104 00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:49,567 - WELL, WE HAD SEATS BEHIND THE END ZONE, 105 00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:51,500 AND DAD GOT LUCKY. 106 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,533 - LUCK IS THE RESIDUE OF DESIGN. 107 00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:54,633 - WHAT? 108 00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:57,033 - SHUT UP. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT. 109 00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:58,467 IT WAS A ROCKET. 110 00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,267 I GOT MY HANDS READY FOR IT. 111 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,400 - BY DUMPING HIS NACHOS SOMEWHERE. 112 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,700 - IT CAME TOWARDS ME. 113 00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,633 EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO GET THEIR MITTS ON IT, 114 00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:09,600 BUT I PUT THE MOVES ON ALL OF THEM. 115 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,533 I JUMPED OVER A GUY. 116 00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:15,633 - YOU PUSHED A KID OUT OF THE WAY. 117 00:05:15,633 --> 00:05:17,833 - I JUMPED OVER A GUY. 118 00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:19,300 IT WAS COMING IN HIGH. 119 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,767 I HAD TO STRETCH FOR IT. 120 00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,567 I COULD GET ONLY ONE HAND ON IT, BUT THAT WAS ENOUGH. 121 00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:27,667 I BROUGHT THAT LITTLE PIGGY RIGHT DOWN INTO MY CHEST. 122 00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:30,167 HELLO, LITTLE PIGGY. 123 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,033 - AND THEN HE WENT, "WHEE-WHEE-WHEE," 124 00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:39,267 ALL THE WAY HOME. 125 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,900 - IT WAS THE BIGGEST MOMENT EVER IN HOFSTRA HISTORY, 126 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:43,367 AND I HAVE IT. 127 00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:47,100 YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD THE CROWD CHANTING FOR ME. 128 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,167 - GIVE IT BACK, JERK! 129 00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,633 GIVE IT BACK, JERK! 130 00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:54,033 - AND BOOING. 131 00:05:54,033 --> 00:05:55,333 - WAIT, DAD, DAD. 132 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,400 HOFSTRA'S GOT TO WANT THAT BALL BACK. 133 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,700 - YOU BET YOUR ASS THEY DO. 134 00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,967 I HAD TO PUT THE RAZZLE-DAZZLE ON A COUPLE OF MOOKS 135 00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:04,133 JUST TO GET OUT OF THE STANDS. 136 00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:07,300 - FRANK, THAT'S A RECORD FOR THE SCHOOL. 137 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,833 YOU KNOW IT'S NOT RIGHT TO KEEP THAT, DON'T YOU? 138 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:11,333 - DON'T BOTHER, DEB. 139 00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:14,667 HIS SOUL WAS REMOVED TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE STOMACH. 140 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,200 - A FAN IS SUPPOSED TO DO 141 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,100 WHAT'S BEST FOR THE TEAM. 142 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,200 - THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT THIS-- 143 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:32,700 I'M NOT A FAN. 144 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:35,400 THOSE KIDS STINK. 145 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,200 EXCEPT FOR THE KICKER. THANKS, PAL! 146 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,367 - CHARMING, NO? 147 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,967 - HEY, DAD, I'D GIVE THE BALL BACK. 148 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,700 - THEN IT'S A GOOD THING YOU DIDN'T CATCH IT. 149 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,100 COME ON, ROBERT. - WHERE ARE WE GOING? 150 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,500 - TO THE LODGE TO TELL THE STORY. 151 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,467 YOU GO IN BEFORE ME AND BUILD ME UP. 152 00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:57,467 I DON'T LIKE TO TOOT MY OWN HORN. 153 00:06:57,467 --> 00:07:01,133 - NO, NO, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. 154 00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:02,467 - OH, YEAH? 155 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:06,133 HOW WAS LIVING IN MY HOUSE FOR 40 YEARS? 156 00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:09,133 WAS THAT COMFORTABLE? 157 00:07:09,133 --> 00:07:11,333 - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 158 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,900 - I BELIEVE YOU WERE COMFORTABLE EATING MY FOOD, 159 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,633 WATCHING MY TV, 160 00:07:15,633 --> 00:07:17,700 WEARING THE SPRINGS OUT OF MY FURNITURE 161 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:20,267 WITH YOUR TWO-TON RUMP. 162 00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:25,233 - ALL RIGHT! 163 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,233 - RAYMOND? 164 00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:38,367 TASTE THIS. 165 00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:43,133 - GOOD. 166 00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:44,533 - HOW GOOD? 167 00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:46,200 HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THIS WHOLE CAKE 168 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,467 AT THE BAKE SALE? 169 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,800 - UH, $10? 170 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,867 - $10? 171 00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:53,867 - ALL RIGHT. 172 00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:57,667 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 173 00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,367 $1,000. 174 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:03,433 - YOU'RE SUCH A SWEET BOY. 175 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:05,167 - HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR MY CUPCAKES? 176 00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:07,833 - A MILLION DOLLARS. 177 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,267 - WHERE'S THE RADIO? WHERE'S THE RADIO? 178 00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:10,900 - WHAT, WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON? 179 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,733 - I HEARD IT DRIVING OVER. THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT DAD. 180 00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:14,833 - WHO IS? 181 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:16,200 - THE SPORTS SHOW! 182 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,600 - OH, NO! 183 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,567 - HEY, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT GUY IS? 184 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,067 I'LL TELL YA, HE'S A JACKASS. 185 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:25,133 - [gasps] THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT HIM. 186 00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,300 - OH, MAN, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS GUY-- 187 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,333 BULLDOZES A KID GETTIN' THE BALL. 188 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:35,633 THEN HE HIGHTAILS IT OUT OF THERE WITH SOME BIG GOON. 189 00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:39,000 - HEY, HE WAS MY RIDE! 190 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,300 - THIS IS EMBARRASSING. 191 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,433 IT NEVER ENDS WITH YOUR FATHER. 192 00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:44,267 - BOY, HOT TOPIC. LINES ARE LIT UP. 193 00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:46,200 LET'S GO TO FRANK IN LYNBROOK. 194 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,833 - YEAH, THIS IS THE JACKASS. 195 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,667 I CAUGHT THAT BALL, AND ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT 196 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,433 CAN KISS ME BETWEEN THE BACK POCKETS. 197 00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,933 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 198 00:08:57,933 --> 00:08:59,233 - WAIT A MINUTE. 199 00:08:59,233 --> 00:09:00,733 YOU'RE TELLING US YOU'RE THE GUY? 200 00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:02,600 - DAMN STRAIGHT. 201 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,467 - AND YOU'RE PROUD OF WHAT YOU DID? 202 00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:05,633 - YOU BET I AM! 203 00:09:05,633 --> 00:09:07,400 - SO WHAT, YOU THINK YOU DESERVE THE BALL? 204 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,800 YOU'RE GONNA KEEP IT? 205 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,867 - NO, I'LL GIVE IT BACK... 206 00:09:10,867 --> 00:09:12,867 FOR TEN GRAND. 207 00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,000 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? 208 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,333 - $10,000. 209 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,133 - THE BIDDING STARTS AT $10,000, YES. 210 00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:22,467 - UNBELIEVABLE. 211 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:23,667 - SO, DAVE ON LINE ONE, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 212 00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:24,933 - WHAT DO I THINK? 213 00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:29,000 I THINK THIS FRANK DESERVES TO BE KICKED 68 YARDS. 214 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,133 - FINALLY, A VOICE OF REASON. 215 00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:34,533 - FRANK, YOU'RE TELLING ME 216 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:36,333 RON FERNANDEZ DOESN'T DESERVE THE BALL? 217 00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:39,067 - WHO THE HELL IS RON FERNANDEZ? 218 00:09:39,067 --> 00:09:41,867 - THE PLAYER WHO KICKED THE FIELD GOAL. 219 00:09:41,867 --> 00:09:45,733 - WELL, HIS MONEY'S AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE'S. 220 00:09:45,733 --> 00:09:49,267 - WHY DO YOU LET HIM USE THE PHONE? 221 00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,667 - I GOT AN IDEA-- ALL YOU WHINERS 222 00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:53,133 WHO THINK THIS KID SHOULD HAVE THE BALL 223 00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:54,500 CAN TAKE UP A COLLECTION 224 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,567 AND SEND IT TO FRANK BARONE, ENTREPRENEUR. 225 00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:00,267 - OH, NO. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT! 226 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,300 - I KNOW, "ENTREPRENEUR." 227 00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,133 - NO, BARONE! BARONE! 228 00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,700 HE USED OUR LAST NAME! 229 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,067 - THIS IS GONNA DRIVE DOWN THE PRICE OF MY CAKES. 230 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,500 - WAIT A MINUTE. BARONE? 231 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,000 ANY RELATION TO RAY BARONE, THE SPORTSWRITER? 232 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,800 - NO! NO! 233 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,600 - SURE, HE'S MY SON. 234 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,867 - NOOOOOOOO! 235 00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:22,100 - OH, MY CAKE! MY CAKE! 236 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,300 - DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID? 237 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,733 HOW COULD HE SAY THAT? 238 00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,333 - OH, THAT EXPLAINS IT. 239 00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:31,667 OH, I HATE THAT GUY'S COLUMN. 240 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:33,967 HE THINKS HE'S SO FUNNY. HE BLOWS! 241 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,167 - HEY. 242 00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:41,167 - MAN, I SHOULD BE TAPING THIS. 243 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,633 - ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 244 00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,067 FRANK, WE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF CALLERS 245 00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,067 WHO WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 246 00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,467 CAN YOU STAY WITH US? 247 00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:47,800 - I'D LOVE TO, BUT I GOT TO HIT THE HEAD, 248 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:51,667 AND THE CORD WON'T REACH THAT FAR. 249 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:55,067 - AND ON THAT LOVELY NOTE, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 250 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,900 - FRANK? 251 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:06,900 I MADE YOU A SNACK. 252 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:10,167 - THANK YOU. 253 00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:14,533 - OH, FRANK, HOLD THE SANDWICH WITH TWO HANDS LIKE A PERSON. 254 00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:16,733 - I'M ALL RIGHT. 255 00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:29,133 - SO, UM... 256 00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:32,033 FRANK, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TURN OFF THE TV... 257 00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:34,300 CHI-CHI? 258 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,400 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 259 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,833 - WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING? 260 00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:40,067 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU BEEN DRINKIN'? 261 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,300 - NO! 262 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,533 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? 263 00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:43,900 - I'M TAKIN' THIS BALL 264 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,067 BACK TO HOFSTRA, WHERE IT BELONGS. 265 00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:48,000 - YOU FLOOZY! 266 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,167 YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE! 267 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,700 - OH, YES, I AM! 268 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,533 - JUST GIVE ME THAT BALL BACK, AND NOBODY GETS HURT. 269 00:11:53,533 --> 00:11:54,800 - NOW! NOW! 270 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,367 - OKAY! 271 00:11:58,367 --> 00:11:59,667 HEY, THE DOOR IS LOCKED! 272 00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,100 WHAT DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR FOR? 273 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,967 AH! 274 00:12:02,967 --> 00:12:06,100 - OKAY! - I'M OPEN, MA! 275 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,867 - LET ME GO! LET ME GO! 276 00:12:07,867 --> 00:12:10,400 LET ME GO, YOU WITCHES! 277 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,000 - ROBERT, THROW IT! 278 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,200 ROBERT, THROW IT! 279 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,667 [glass shatters] 280 00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:40,033 - SORRY! 281 00:12:40,033 --> 00:12:42,067 - IDIOT! 282 00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:57,300 [engine turns over] 283 00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,600 - HA-HA! - GET OUT OF HERE, DAD! 284 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,433 - YOU SHOULD LOCK YOUR DOORS. IT'S A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD. 285 00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:16,067 - HEY, DEB, I'M REALLY SORRY. 286 00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:18,967 - I MANAGED TO THROW THE BALL VERY WELL. 287 00:13:18,967 --> 00:13:24,633 - WELL, I THOUGHT RAY WAS CUTTIN' BACK TOWARD THE WINDOW. 288 00:13:24,633 --> 00:13:27,600 - A CLOSED WINDOW? 289 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,100 - WELL, I COULDN'T TELL IT WAS CLOSED. 290 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,900 THE GLASS LOOKED VERY CLEAN. 291 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:37,933 - ALL RIGHT, NOBODY BELIEVES YOU ANYMORE, ROBERT. 292 00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:39,800 - OH, HEY, LISTEN. 293 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,800 I THINK I GOT SOMETHIN' HERE THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF DAD. 294 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,800 - ARE THOSE THE PAPERS TO HAVE HIM COMMITTED? 295 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,267 - YEAH. 296 00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:47,367 HA-HA, VERY FUNNY. OKAY. 297 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:49,100 THIS IS MY COLUMN FOR TOMORROW MORNING. 298 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:50,633 YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME READ IT TO YOU. 299 00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:52,433 IT'LL BE GOOD TO GET A PERSPECTIVE FROM PEOPLE 300 00:13:52,433 --> 00:13:54,000 WHO READ MY COLUMN EVERY DAY. 301 00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:01,867 OHH. 302 00:14:01,867 --> 00:14:03,333 YOU'RE KIDDING ME. 303 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:05,200 YOU DON'T READ MY COLUMN? 304 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,733 - IT'S JUST THAT IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT SPORTS. 305 00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:11,167 - WHAT ABOUT YOU? 306 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:16,967 - I USED TO READ IT A LOT WHEN WE WERE DATING. 307 00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:19,600 - I GET THE TIMES. 308 00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:25,533 - JUST LISTEN! 309 00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:28,600 "MY FATHER IS THE REASON I BECAME A SPORTSWRITER. 310 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,000 "GROWING UP, HE TOOK ME TO EVERY GAME HE COULD, 311 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,767 "TEACHING ME TO APPRECIATE THE THRILL OF COMPETITION, 312 00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,133 "THE GRACE OF ATHLETES, 313 00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:38,200 "AND THE WONDER OF A PROPERLY TOPPED HOT DOG. 314 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,767 "BUT SADLY, MY FATHER HAS BECOME A SYMBOL 315 00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,333 "OF WHAT IS WRONG WITH SPORTS TODAY. 316 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:44,867 "MY FATHER IS FRANK BARONE, 317 00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:48,667 "WHO IS NOW HOLDING A FOOTBALL FOR RANSOM, 318 00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,433 "HOPING TO SQUEEZE OUT A COUPLE OF DOLLARS 319 00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:52,500 "AND A FEW MINUTES IN THE LIMELIGHT. 320 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,700 "I SEE NOW THAT MY FATHER AND I 321 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,233 "NO LONGER SHARE THE SAME IDEA OF SPORTS 322 00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:59,767 "OR, FOR THAT MATTER, LIFE. 323 00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:02,467 "AND BECAUSE HE'LL NEVER APOLOGIZE, I'LL DO IT. 324 00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:06,200 "SORRY, RON FERNANDEZ. SORRY, HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY. 325 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,500 "SORRY, SPORTS FANS EVERYWHERE. YOU DESERVE BETTER. 326 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,733 WE ALL DO." 327 00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:13,733 SO? 328 00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:14,733 - WOW. 329 00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:15,967 - NOT BAD. 330 00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:19,233 I SHOULD READ YOUR STUFF MORE OFTEN. 331 00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:22,000 - IT'S BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND SO HONEST. 332 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,267 - MM-HMM. 333 00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,600 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GIVE ME THAT! 334 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,367 YOU JUST SAID THAT IT WAS GOOD! 335 00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:29,233 - IT'S EXCEPTIONAL, BUT YOU CAN'T PRINT THAT. 336 00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:31,267 YOU DON'T ATTACK YOUR FAMILY IN PUBLIC. 337 00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:32,633 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 338 00:15:32,633 --> 00:15:35,000 YOU TOOK A SWING AT HIM AT THE MALL LAST WEEK. 339 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,333 - THAT'S DIFFERENT. 340 00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:40,000 HE WAS DOING SKITS IN THE LINGERIE STORE. 341 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,167 - ALL RIGHT, MA, LOOK. 342 00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:43,233 HE HAS TO PUBLISH THIS, ALL RIGHT? 343 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,000 DAD IS A MENACE, AND HE'S GOT TO BE STOPPED. 344 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,533 - SEE? 345 00:15:46,533 --> 00:15:51,867 - I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY, BROTHER. 346 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,933 - RAY, YOUR MOM HAS A POINT. 347 00:15:53,933 --> 00:15:56,733 - OH, MY GOD. 348 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,300 - I MEAN, I JUST DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA GET THE BALL BACK. 349 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,633 - WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, 350 00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:06,600 DRAW UP ANOTHER PLAY FOR FRAN TARKENTON HERE? 351 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,967 - THIS IS JUST GONNA MAKE FRANK 352 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,200 DIG HIS HEELS IN EVEN MORE. 353 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,600 - THINK OF OUR FAMILY, RAYMOND. 354 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,500 IT'LL ONLY DESTROY OUR HARMONY. 355 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,367 - HARMONY? 356 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,600 ARE YOU HEARING THIS? 357 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,933 - ARE YOU? BECAUSE SHE'S RIGHT. 358 00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:25,000 - WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS? 359 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,100 - I STILL GOT IT. 360 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:32,667 IT'S JUST OVER HERE NOW. 361 00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,333 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 362 00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:35,700 I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, ALL RIGHT? 363 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,733 PEOPLE HAVE TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT LIKE HIM. 364 00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:39,400 - OH, REALLY? 365 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,767 OKAY, 'CAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT GETTING THE BALL BACK, 366 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:42,967 BUT IF YOU JUST WANT TO CLEAR YOUR NAME, 367 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:44,333 THEN THIS WILL DO IT. 368 00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:45,767 YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY PUBLISH IT, THEN. 369 00:16:45,767 --> 00:16:49,133 - DON'T TRY AND PULL THAT "TELL ME TO DO IT 370 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,300 SO I DON'T DO IT" FLIPPITY-FLOO, OKAY? 371 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,500 I'M GONNA DO IT. 372 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:54,667 YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA STOP ME? 373 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,433 ALL I NEED IS A PIECE OF TAPE. 374 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,800 NO. I CAN JUST PRINT IT UP AGAIN. 375 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,000 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO. YEAH. 376 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,767 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 377 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:03,433 I'M GONNA MAKE IT EVEN STRONGER. THERE'S STUFF THAT I LEFT OUT. 378 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,333 THAT'S THE POWER OF THE PRESS, PEOPLE. 379 00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:06,767 AND DON'T ANY OF YOU TRY TO STOP ME, 380 00:17:06,767 --> 00:17:10,033 OR I'LL WRITE SOMETHIN' ABOUT YOU. 381 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,167 - WHAT KIND OF STUFF YOU THINK HE'D WRITE? 382 00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,600 - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ROBERT. 383 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,733 - I HAD A SLIGHT BED-WETTING PROBLEM. 384 00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:33,067 [loud cracking] 385 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,233 - [humming] 386 00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,867 - HEY, DAD, YOU DOWN HERE? 387 00:17:44,867 --> 00:17:45,967 [door slams] 388 00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,600 HEY. 389 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,800 - WHAT DO YOU WANT? 390 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,667 - LOOK, I TRIED A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS 391 00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:52,267 TO GET YOU TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT, ALL RIGHT? 392 00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:54,067 I WAS EVEN GONNA PUBLISH AN ARTICLE ABOUT YOU, 393 00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,367 BUT SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT 394 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:57,500 IT WOULD SCREW UP OUR FAMILY HARMONY. 395 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,900 SO I'M GONNA TRY SOMETHIN' ELSE. 396 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:01,100 - FAMILY HARMONY? 397 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:02,567 - YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 398 00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:07,933 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME ON DOWN. 399 00:18:07,933 --> 00:18:09,867 COME ON. COME ON DOWN. IT'S OKAY. 400 00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:13,100 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 401 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,967 - THIS IS RON FERNANDEZ, DAD. 402 00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:16,200 - WHO? 403 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,900 - THE GUY WHO KICKED THE BALL, DAD. 404 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,200 AND THIS IS HIS FATHER. 405 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,033 - OH, JEEZALOO, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? 406 00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:25,100 - GO AHEAD. 407 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,733 - UH, WELL, UH... 408 00:18:27,733 --> 00:18:29,133 MR. BARONE, 409 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,733 THAT WAS REALLY IMPRESSIVE THE WAY YOU, UH... 410 00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:34,967 CAUGHT THAT BALL. 411 00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:36,600 I THINK THAT WAS A REALLY GREAT CATCH. 412 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:41,267 - YOU ARE A REAL PIECE OF WORK. 413 00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:45,633 - WE CAN'T AFFORD 10,000, MR. BARONE. 414 00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:49,000 I CAN PAY YOU 500. 415 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,633 PLEASE. I WANT IT FOR MY SON. 416 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:18,400 - CAPTAIN HUGGLES? 417 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,467 - KEEP YOUR MONEY. I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. 418 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:23,333 GOD FORBID I SHOULD MAKE A BUCK. 419 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,567 BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. 420 00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:27,633 I KNOW WHAT THIS BALL IS WORTH, 421 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,900 SO I BETTER NOT SEE YOU SELLIN' IT. 422 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,067 - NO, SIR. 423 00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:36,200 - I'M SURPRISED YOU DON'T HAVE THEM HOLDING A PUPPY. 424 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,867 HERE. 425 00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:45,767 - THANK YOU. 426 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,033 THIS IS FOR YOU, DAD. 427 00:19:51,033 --> 00:19:52,467 - WHAT? 428 00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:54,600 NO, IT'S YOURS. YOU SHOULD HAVE IT. 429 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:59,067 - NO. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT ME STARTED, DAD. 430 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:02,467 I KICKED IT FOR YOU. 431 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,000 GO ON. 432 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,733 - [sighs] 433 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,267 - OKAY? 434 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,000 - THANK YOU, MR. BARONE. 435 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,367 YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN. 436 00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:33,967 - YOU SEE THAT? 437 00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,400 - YEAH. 438 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,733 - YOU SEE HOW NICE THAT KID WAS TO HIS FATHER? 439 00:20:46,333 --> 00:20:49,667 YOU OWE ME TEN GRAND! 440 00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:58,000 [engine turns over] 441 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,933 - IF THE KNICKS ARE EVER GONNA COMPETE WITH THE LAKERS, 442 00:20:59,933 --> 00:21:01,733 THEY NEED TO BE BIGGER UP FRONT. 443 00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:03,767 LET'S SEE WHAT YOU ALL HAVE TO SAY. 444 00:21:03,767 --> 00:21:04,933 ROBERT FROM LYNBROOK. 445 00:21:04,933 --> 00:21:07,767 - UH, YEAH. HEY, GARY. 446 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:13,867 LONGTIME LISTENER, FIRST-TIME CALLER. 447 00:21:13,867 --> 00:21:16,967 I JUST WANT TO SAY I HEARD THAT FRANK BARONE 448 00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:18,200 GAVE THAT BALL BACK, 449 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,400 AND I THINK HE SHOWED 450 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:24,267 THE TRUE SPIRIT OF AMERICAN HARMONY. 451 00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:25,267 - WELL, THANK YOU, ROBERT. 452 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:26,600 I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH YOU, 453 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,000 BUT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE KNICKS. 454 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,933 - ABSOLUTELY. ONE MORE THING... 455 00:21:29,933 --> 00:21:35,733 I LIKED WHEN THE GUY SAID, "RAY BARONE BLOWS." 456 00:21:35,733 --> 00:21:39,967 LET'S HEAR MORE FROM HIM. [laughs] 457 00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,367 RAY BARONE. 458 00:21:45,333 --> 00:21:48,167 - LAUGH IT UP, PEE-PEE PANTS.