1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:03,400 - HI, MARIE. - OH, HI, DEAR. 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,100 - LISTEN. THANKS FOR WATCHING THE KIDS. 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,333 I REALLY NEED TO GET TO THE DENTIST. 4 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,633 - I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOU TAKE ALL THIS TIME 5 00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:12,467 FOR YOURSELF. 6 00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:14,500 - THANK YOU. 7 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:15,767 WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON THERE? 8 00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:19,267 - OH, IT'S A BARONE FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTER. 9 00:00:19,267 --> 00:00:21,800 YOU KNOW, I WANT TO KEEP PEOPLE UP-TO-DATE 10 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,533 ON WHAT WE'VE ALL BEEN DOING. 11 00:00:23,533 --> 00:00:25,500 - WELL, DON'T FORGET TO MENTION MY NEW FILLING. 12 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,100 [laughs] 13 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,133 - MAYBE NEXT YEAR. 14 00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:29,367 THIS HAVE TO GO OUT THIS AFTERNOON. 15 00:00:29,367 --> 00:00:30,400 I'LL GO ROUND UP THE KIDS. 16 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,567 - OKAY. 17 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,100 - [gasps] 18 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:46,733 [gasps] 19 00:00:46,733 --> 00:00:52,267 OH, LADY, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVIN' MIND. 20 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,500 MARIE... 21 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,600 - OH, MY GOD. 22 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,067 OH, HONEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 23 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,667 - YEAH, YEAH, I'M FINE. 24 00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:03,767 WAIT THE HELL ARE YOU-- 25 00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,733 - OH, YOU SHOULD LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING. 26 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,300 LET ME GET YOU SOME ICE. 27 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,067 - NO, MARIE, FORGET THE ICE. 28 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:11,567 WHO ARE YOU SENDING THIS TO? 29 00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:13,333 - OH, YOU KNOW, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 30 00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:14,400 OH, HERE. 31 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:19,267 PUT THIS BROCCOLI ON YOUR HEAD. 32 00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:21,367 - YOU CANNOT SEND THIS OUT. 33 00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:23,000 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 34 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,167 - "DEBRA'S COOKING IS COMING ALONG. 35 00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:28,633 "SOMEDAY I MIGHT EVEN CONSIDER HER FOR A JOB 36 00:01:28,633 --> 00:01:31,433 AT CHEZ MARIE." 37 00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:33,000 YOU'RE CONSIDERING ME 38 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,300 FOR A JOB IN YOUR RESTAURANT? 39 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:40,367 - OH, IT'S NOT A REAL RESTAURANT. 40 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,333 IT'S MAKE-BELIEVE. 41 00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:44,600 - OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THIS? WHAT ABOUT THIS? 42 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,400 "DEBRA IS OUTNUMBERED BY THE KIDS 3-TO-1, 43 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,533 SO I'VE HAD TO HELP OUT, SO NOW IT'S EVEN." 44 00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:54,600 SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU ARE WORTH TWO OF ME. 45 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,767 - OH, NO ONE'S GOING TO DO THE MATH. 46 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:02,333 I'M JUST SAYING IT'S NICE. 47 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,767 - IT'S NOT NICE. 48 00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:07,200 IT'S YOU HAVING TO HELP POOR, PATHETIC DEBRA. 49 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,700 - AND ISN'T THAT NICE? 50 00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:13,600 - IT'S NOT TRUE. 51 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,167 YOU ARE NOT SENDING THIS OUT. 52 00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:17,467 - OH? 53 00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:19,767 I'M NOT? 54 00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:22,067 - NOT LIKE THIS. NO WAY. 55 00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:25,167 - WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS MY LETTER, 56 00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:28,100 AND THIS IS AMERICA. 57 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,267 - FINE. 58 00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:34,167 YOU KNOW WHAT? 59 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:35,667 FINE. 60 00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:37,367 GOOD-BYE, MARIE. 61 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,300 - DEBRA-- - GOOD-BYE. 62 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,600 I KNOW. I KNOW. I FORGOT THE KIDS. 63 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,033 YOU GONNA PUT THAT IN YOUR LETTER? 64 00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,467 DEBRA... 65 00:02:57,467 --> 00:02:59,667 - OW. - OH, OH, OH. 66 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,033 - HEY, EIGHT MAIDS A-MILKIN'. 67 00:03:15,267 --> 00:03:19,567 - ARE WE GONNA DO THIS EVERY NIGHT UNTIL CHRISTMAS? 68 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,500 CAN'T WE JUST CUT TO "PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE" 69 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,200 AND BE DONE WITH IT? 70 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,500 - WOW. 71 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,567 WHY DON'T WE GO TO MACY'S? 72 00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:30,700 YOU CAN PUNCH SANTA AND KICK AN ELF. 73 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,100 - SORRY. I'M SORRY. 74 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,700 IT'S JUST THAT YOUR MOTHER IS SENDING OUT 75 00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,600 THIS STUPID FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTER, 76 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,400 AND I LOOK TERRIBLE IN IT. 77 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,300 SHE MAKES IT SOUND AS IF SHE HAS TO RAISE MY KIDS 78 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,400 AND CLEAN MY HOUSE 79 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,367 WHILE I SIT AROUND AND DROOL INTO A CUP. 80 00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,367 - JUST LET HER HAVE HER DELUSIONS. 81 00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:53,700 WHAT ELSE DOES SHE HAVE? 82 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,467 CHASING DAD AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A CAN OF LYSOL? 83 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,233 - YEAH, BUT SHE'S MAILING THOSE DELUSIONS TO EVERYBODY. 84 00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:07,333 PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK IT'S TRUE. 85 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,500 IT'LL BE, "THANK GOD MARIE LIVES CLOSE ENOUGH 86 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:14,033 TO HELP THAT IDIOT WOMAN AND HER DIRTY FAMILY." 87 00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:17,433 - HELLO. 88 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,333 I SAW YOU PULL IN, RAYMOND, 89 00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:23,433 AND I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE SOME BISCOTTI. 90 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:27,633 - OH, THANKS. 91 00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:28,967 BISCOTTI? 92 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,800 - NO, THANK YOU. 93 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,400 - ACTUALLY, I MADE THEM FOR YOU, DEBRA. 94 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,400 - OH, THAT'S NICE. 95 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,567 IT'S NICE. 96 00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:45,200 - I'M SORRY, DEBRA. 97 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,633 - OH, THAT'S SO NICE. - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 98 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,067 - I'M SORRY THAT THAT LETTER UPSET YOU SO. 99 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,433 - NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. 100 00:04:57,433 --> 00:04:59,233 YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. 101 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,000 - HAVE A BISCOTTI. 102 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,233 - THANK YOU. I WOULD LOVE ONE. 103 00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:06,367 - OH, I'M SO GLAD WE COULD PUT THIS BEHIND US. 104 00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:09,167 - ME TOO; IT'S BEAUTIFUL WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. 105 00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:12,067 - OKAY, I'VE GOT TO GET THOSE LETTERS 106 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,767 TO THE POST OFFICE BEFORE THEY CLOSE. 107 00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,467 - WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 108 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,267 YOU'RE STILL SENDING THAT LETTER? 109 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:20,267 - OH, OF COURSE, DEAR. I HAVE TO. 110 00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:22,467 - YOU HAVE TO? 111 00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:24,667 MARIE, WHEN I SPEAK, 112 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:28,233 WHAT IS IT YOU HEAR? 113 00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:33,167 IS IT, LIKE, BACKWARDS TALK OR DOLPHIN SQUEAKS? 114 00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:45,667 - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 115 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,567 SEE, THIS IS THE REASON I HAVE TO SEND MY LETTER. 116 00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,067 IT'S FROM MY COUSIN THERESA. 117 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,067 IT CAME YESTERDAY. 118 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,067 HERE, READ. 119 00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,433 - "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND SEASON'S GREETINGS 120 00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,200 "TO OLD FRIENDS AND NEW FRIENDS, 121 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,267 DEAR FRIENDS AND TRUE FRIENDS." 122 00:05:57,267 --> 00:06:00,600 - ENOUGH, ENOUGH. I CAN'T ANYMORE. 123 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,067 - I THOUGHT YOU LIKED THERESA. 124 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:05,533 - I LOVE HER, BUT READ THIS HERE. 125 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,000 "OUR CHOIR SANG AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 126 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,433 MY ROSES WERE FEATURED IN "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING." 127 00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:12,700 LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE EXCLAMATION POINTS. 128 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,200 YOU'D THINK THAT SHE PULLED THE POPE OUT OF QUICKSAND 129 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,167 OR SOMETHING. 130 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:23,033 - SO YOU DON'T LIKE IT THAT THERESA'S DOING WELL? 131 00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,067 - OH, IT'S NOT THAT. YOU KNOW ME. 132 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:27,333 I DON'T BOTHER ABOUT PETTY JEALOUSY. 133 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,133 - YEAH. 134 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:38,533 THAT IS NOT YOUR STYLE. 135 00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:39,600 - THAT'S RIGHT. 136 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,633 I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO READ ABOUT ME AND THINK, 137 00:06:42,633 --> 00:06:44,433 "MARIE IS DOING WELL TOO." 138 00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:45,767 - YEAH, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, 139 00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,733 BUT CAN'T YOU WRITE A LETTER THAT MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD 140 00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:50,000 WITHOUT MAKING ME LOOK SO... 141 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,300 - DOOFUS-Y? 142 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,500 - YEAH, DOOFUS-Y. 143 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,433 - I GUESS I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF 144 00:07:09,433 --> 00:07:11,733 SOUND AS IMPORTANT AS THERESA. 145 00:07:11,733 --> 00:07:14,133 BUT WHAT AM I? 146 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,500 I'VE GOT MY KIDS. I'VE GOT MY GRANDKIDS. 147 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:19,200 HIM OVER THERE. 148 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,667 IT'S OKAY. 149 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,033 I'LL JUST LET THE WORLD 150 00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:24,233 READ ABOUT ME IN THERESA'S LETTER. 151 00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:26,033 - WHAT DID SHE WRITE ABOUT YOU? 152 00:07:26,033 --> 00:07:29,567 - NOT MUCH. HOW MUCH IS THERE, REALLY? 153 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,000 - MARIE. 154 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,200 - THIRD PAGE, SECOND PARAGRAPH. 155 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:40,100 - "WE SAW MARIE AND HER FAMILY AT KATE KELLY'S WEDDING. 156 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,333 "THEY ALL SEEMED TO BE DOING WELL 157 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:42,767 "IN THEIR COZY LITTLE SITUATION 158 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,500 "LIVING A STONE'S THROW FROM EACH OTHER, 159 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,167 NOT THAT THEY'D EVER THROW STONES, HA-HA." 160 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,233 OH. SHE'S A BITCH. 161 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,133 - LISTEN, I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT, 162 00:07:56,133 --> 00:08:00,500 BUT IT'S NICE TO HEAR. 163 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,333 - WELL, WAIT. WHAT'S SO BAD? 164 00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,633 - "NOT THAT THEY'D EVER THROW STONES, HA-HA"? 165 00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:07,633 SHE'S SAYING WE DON'T GET ALONG. 166 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:10,100 WHERE DOES SOMEBODY GET OFF WRITING THAT? 167 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:17,367 YOU KNOW WHAT, MARIE? 168 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:19,200 YOU AND I ARE GONNA WRITE 169 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,000 OUR OWN CHRISTMAS LETTER TOGETHER. 170 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,200 - OH, NO. 171 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,200 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 172 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,267 - WE CAN WRITE A BETTER LETTER THAN SAINT THERESA. 173 00:08:26,267 --> 00:08:28,200 WE'LL MAKE US BOTH LOOK GOOD. 174 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,700 MAYBE YOU CAN EVEN COME UP WITH A LITTLE DIRT ON HER. 175 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,067 - SHE DOES HAVE ECZEMA. 176 00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:35,267 - GREAT. 177 00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,533 - WHAT ARE WE GONNA WRITE ABOUT ME? 178 00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:39,633 - WHAT ABOUT ALL YOUR TRIPS TO THE BOTANICAL GARDENS, HUH? 179 00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:41,467 GET UP. - WHAT? 180 00:08:41,467 --> 00:08:43,433 - OH. WHAT ABOUT THE GARDENS? 181 00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:46,433 - WELL, YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT PLACE THAN MOST OF THE GUIDES. 182 00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:48,767 "MARIE IS THE BEST GUIDE AT THE BOTANICAL GARDENS." 183 00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:50,467 WE'LL PUT THAT RIGHT IN THERE. 184 00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:51,467 - WE WOULD? - YEAH, OF COURSE. 185 00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:52,733 LET'S START RIGHT NOW. 186 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:53,733 - OH, YES. 187 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,433 THE SOONER WE WRITE IT, THE SOONER WE CAN WIPE 188 00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:58,200 THAT SMUG GRIN OFF HER DRY, ITCHY FACE. 189 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,167 [laughter] 190 00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:03,033 - HEY, UH, EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. 191 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:05,033 LET'S NOT FORGET IT'S CHRISTMAS, YOU KNOW, 192 00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,433 A TIME FOR NOT BEING SO... 193 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,267 [witchy laughter] 194 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,200 AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT. 195 00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:22,667 - OKAY, THIS ALL LOOKS GREAT. 196 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,133 YOU KNOW, THERE'S JUST ONE THING. 197 00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:26,267 SHOULDN'T WE USE THE WORD "SELFLESS" 198 00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,267 TO DESCRIBE YOUR WORK AS A PIANO TEACHER? 199 00:09:30,467 --> 00:09:32,167 - OH, HI, ROBBIE. 200 00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,367 - HELLO. 201 00:09:33,367 --> 00:09:36,233 - HEY, ROBERT. WHAT'S GOING ON? 202 00:09:40,767 --> 00:09:44,367 - "ROBERT'S METEORIC RISE THROUGH THE NYPD 203 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,667 "HAS REALLY TURNED SOME HEADS 204 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,600 BOTH HERE AT HOME AND AT THE PRECINCT." 205 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,100 WHAT IS THIS? 206 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,233 - I HEARD YOU WERE WRITING A FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTER, 207 00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:57,733 SO I DID MY BIO. 208 00:09:57,733 --> 00:10:00,400 I WOULD LIKE IT INSERTED VERBATIM. 209 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,467 - YOU WROTE YOUR OWN THING? 210 00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:06,767 - INDEED I DID. 211 00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,633 - WELL, WE'VE ALREADY FINISHED IT. 212 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,333 - YEAH. - OH, REALLY? 213 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:13,167 IS IT ANYTHING LIKE YOUR LAST CHRISTMAS LETTER? 214 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,100 - WELL, I HAVEN'T WRITTEN A CHRISTMAS LETTER 215 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,333 IN TEN YEARS. 216 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,567 - LOOK FAMILIAR? 217 00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,600 - YOU KEPT THAT TEN YEARS? 218 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,633 - OH, YES. 219 00:10:25,633 --> 00:10:28,167 I WASN'T EXACTLY PLEASED WITH THE WAY I WAS PORTRAYED, 220 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:32,133 AND I MADE A SOLEMN PLEDGE TO NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN. 221 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,233 - DUDE, YOU ARE SO WEIRD. 222 00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:39,400 - AM I, RAYMOND? 223 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,333 AM I? 224 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,700 THERE WERE SIX LINES IN YOUR SECTION. 225 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,467 I GOT THREE. 226 00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:52,600 HALF, OKAY? 227 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,600 AND AFTER IT CAME OUT, 228 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,600 EVERYBODY GAVE ME, LIKE, A PITIFUL, PATHETIC LOOK. 229 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,333 - YOU ALWAYS GET THAT LOOK. 230 00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:02,633 - IT WAS MORE PRONOUNCED, MAN. 231 00:11:02,633 --> 00:11:04,700 - WELL, WE CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING NOW, ROBBIE. 232 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:06,200 BUT DON'T WORRY. 233 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,267 THERE'S A LOVELY PART ABOUT YOU. 234 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:11,300 - OH, YEAH? LET ME SEE THAT. 235 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,200 UH-HUH, UH-HUH, OKAY, MM-HMM. 236 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,400 ALL RIGHT, RAYMOND GETS ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, 237 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,567 SEVEN LINES, AND I GET ONE, TWO, THREE. 238 00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:23,200 THREE. LESS THAN HALF. I'M LOSING GROUND. 239 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,267 - ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WROTE. 240 00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:29,000 "ROBERT IS AN IN-DEMAND BACHELOR 241 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,000 HAPPILY PLAYING THE FIELD." 242 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,333 - THAT'S RIGHT. 243 00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:35,600 - "ROBERT LOVES TO DANCE 244 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:40,233 AND HAS BEEN KNOWN TO BOOGIE THE NIGHT AWAY." 245 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,667 SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 246 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,333 YOU'VE BROADENED THE DEFINITION OF THE TERM "BOOGIE" 247 00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:49,033 TO INCLUDE STAYING HOME BY YOURSELF EATING WHEAT THINS? 248 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:53,133 - I AM A DANCER. 249 00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:54,200 - WHAT'S THE-- 250 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,300 WHAT ARE YOU GETTING SO WORKED UP FOR? 251 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,567 IT'S A CHRISTMAS LETTER. 252 00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:57,767 IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 253 00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:58,800 - OH, YEAH, NOT FOR YOU. 254 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,067 YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE RAYMOND FAN CLUB 255 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,767 DOING YOUR WRITING. 256 00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:04,067 LET'S TAKE A GANDER 257 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:07,033 AT THIS YEAR'S MODEL, SHALL WE? 258 00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:11,233 [clears throat] 259 00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:14,067 "WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT RAYMOND? 260 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,100 "WHETHER HE'S PLAYING WITH THE CHILDREN 261 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:20,367 OR PLAYING GOLF, THE GUY LOVES LIFE." 262 00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:23,667 OH, HAPPY DAYS. 263 00:12:31,433 --> 00:12:32,733 "HE IS STILL WRITING HIS COLUMN 264 00:12:32,733 --> 00:12:34,033 FOR NEW YORK 'NEWSDAY.'" 265 00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:36,433 - WHOA, WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE. 266 00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:39,100 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "STILL WRITING MY COLUMN"? 267 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,233 LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING BETTER BY NOW? 268 00:12:41,233 --> 00:12:44,033 - NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE MEANT. 269 00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:45,233 - IT'S NOT "STILL WRITING." 270 00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:47,133 IT'S "STILL WRITING." 271 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,700 - YEAH, WELL, BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S GONNA READ. 272 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,800 PEOPLE ARE GONNA GET THE WRONG IMPRESSION HERE. 273 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,600 - OOH. 274 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,367 - THIS IS GOING OUT TO EVERYBODY THAT WE KNOW? 275 00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:58,133 - OF COURSE. - NO, NOT LIKE THIS, IT ISN'T. 276 00:12:58,133 --> 00:12:59,800 - OH, RAY, COME ON. YOU'RE OVERREACTING. 277 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:04,033 - I AM NOT OVERREACTING. 278 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:08,233 - HEE HEE. 279 00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:10,000 - I COULD BE MANAGING EDITOR OF THE SPORTS PAGE 280 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,067 BY NOW IF I WANTED. 281 00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,100 I COULD WORK FOR THE "NEW YORK TIMES" IF I WANTED. 282 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,733 - WE KNOW THAT, RAYMOND. 283 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:18,033 - BY THE WAY, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO FOR THAT MANAGING EDITOR THING? 284 00:13:18,033 --> 00:13:19,767 - OH, SEE. THERE IT IS. 285 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,333 SEE, THE TRUTH COMES OUT. 286 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,267 THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN BY "STILL". 287 00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:24,333 WE'RE CHANGING THIS LETTER. 288 00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:26,500 - NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE MEANT. 289 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,467 - I'M GONNA WRITE WHAT I WANT IN IT. 290 00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:32,467 - "MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROBERT." 291 00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:41,667 - HEY. HEY, HOLD IT, HOLD IT. 292 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:46,233 I'M HUNGRY. 293 00:13:46,233 --> 00:13:47,567 - YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT. 294 00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:50,100 DEBRA AND I HAVE TO FINISH OUR CHRISTMAS LETTER. 295 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,800 - YEAH, LOOK WHAT THEY WRITE ABOUT YOU IN HERE, DAD. 296 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,033 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT'S IT SAY? 297 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:57,233 - YEAH, ALL THEY DO IS LIST YOUR FAVORITE CABLE CHANNELS, 298 00:13:57,233 --> 00:13:58,533 AND THEN THEY SAY, 299 00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:02,000 "HIS LOVE AFFAIR WITH BACON CONTINUES." 300 00:14:03,433 --> 00:14:05,500 - THE SURGERY CHANNEL ON THERE, MARIE? 301 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,633 - FIRST ON THE LIST. 302 00:14:06,633 --> 00:14:08,733 - I'M GOOD. 303 00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,367 - WELL, YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT, OKAY? 304 00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:12,267 LOOK, YOU MAY NOT THINK MY JOB IS SO HOT, 305 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,800 BUT 600,000 DISCRIMINATING READERS DO. 306 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,600 - SO YOU'VE BROADENED THE DEFINITION 307 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,300 OF THE WORD "DISCRIMINATING" 308 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,533 TO INCLUDE PEOPLE WHO DO THEIR READING 309 00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:24,633 WITH THEIR ELBOW ON A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER? 310 00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,567 - HEY, AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE 311 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:35,433 COMPETING WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER. 312 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:37,567 - OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, RAYMOND? 313 00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:38,567 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 314 00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:40,067 I DON'T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH YOU. 315 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,533 - OH, YOU DON'T COMPETE? THAT'S ALL YOU DO. 316 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,033 - YEAH, SURE. 317 00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,333 - LOOK AT THIS. YOU SAVED THIS FOR TEN YEARS. 318 00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,333 TEN YEARS. 319 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:55,100 - OH, MY GOD. 320 00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:02,300 I SAVED THAT LETTER FOR TEN YEARS. 321 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:06,400 - OH, ROBERT, THAT'S NOT SO BAD. 322 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,100 - IN A ZIPLOCK BAG. 323 00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:14,033 EVERYTHING I DO-- MY JOB, MY MARRIAGE, 324 00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:16,367 TRYING TO GET MOM AND DAD'S ATTENTION... 325 00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,667 - LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS. 326 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,600 - ANYTIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS TO ME, 327 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,700 THE FIRST THOUGHT I GET IS, "HEY, WHAT ABOUT THAT, RAYMOND?" 328 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,767 AND IF IT'S SOMETHING BAD, 329 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:28,767 I ACTUALLY SAY A PRAYER THAT RAY... 330 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,100 DOESN'T DO SO GOOD THAT DAY. 331 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,367 - YOU SAY A PRAYER? 332 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:36,100 - "COME ON, GOD... 333 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,033 GET HIM." 334 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,100 - I REMEMBER THIS LETTER. 335 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,633 I HAD ALL THE STUFF I WAS GOING TO DO 336 00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,333 WHEN I RETIRE ON THIS. 337 00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:51,700 - WAS "BEING NICER TO YOUR WIFE" ON THERE? 338 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:56,300 - MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN. IT'S ALL RIDICULOUS CRAP. 339 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,800 "FIX UP A '57 CHEVY 340 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,633 AND DRIVE IT ACROSS THE COUNTRY." 341 00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,767 WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? 342 00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:04,167 THAT'S WHERE CALIFORNIA IS. 343 00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:06,400 YOU ALL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT CALIFORNIA... 344 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,200 both: YES. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 345 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,600 - A STATE FULL OF NUT JOBS, HIPPIES, AND ARTSY-FARTSIES. 346 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,300 DRIVE ACROSS COUNTRY? I'D RATHER DRIVE OFF A CLIFF. 347 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,167 - I'LL WARM UP THE CAR. 348 00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:21,400 - ALL RIGHT. HERE'S WHAT IT SHOULD SAY. 349 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,767 "RAY ENTERTAINS AND INFORMS HIS READERS 350 00:16:23,767 --> 00:16:25,600 "WITH STORIES THAT USE SPORTS 351 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,033 TO ILLUMINATE THE HUMAN CONDITION." 352 00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:30,733 YOU HEARD ME. "HUMAN CONDITION". 353 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:32,633 - WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT, RAY. 354 00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:35,767 IF YOU'RE HAPPY WHERE YOU ARE, THEN SO AM I. 355 00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:38,367 ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT IF YOU WENT FOR THAT PROMOTION, 356 00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:39,367 YOU WOULD GET IT. 357 00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:42,267 - YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF THE JOB I HAVE RIGHT NOW, HUH, 358 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,267 WHAT IF THAT'S IT? 359 00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:45,067 - YEAH, THAT'S FINE. GREAT. 360 00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:46,200 BUT I JUST THINK THAT-- 361 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,633 - NO BUTS, ALL RIGHT? DON'T BUT. 362 00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:48,667 - WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET? 363 00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:51,700 - I ALREADY TRIED FOR THE STUPID EDITOR THING, ALL RIGHT? 364 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:53,033 TWICE. 365 00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:55,500 I DIDN'T GET IT... TWICE. 366 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,633 THERE, YOU HAPPY? 367 00:16:57,633 --> 00:17:00,633 - LITTLE BETTER. 368 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,800 SORRY. 369 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,733 - WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING BEFORE? 370 00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:18,633 - IT'S NOT EXACTLY SOMETHING YOU COME HOME BRAGGING ABOUT. 371 00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:21,533 - SERIOUSLY, MAN, 372 00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:24,367 YOU CAN'T KEEP ALL THAT STUFF BOTTLED UP. 373 00:17:28,533 --> 00:17:32,267 YOU HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH US... 374 00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:37,133 WHEN YOU FAIL. 375 00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:42,100 - OH, SWEETIE. 376 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,333 - OH, HONEY. 377 00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:45,600 HONEY... 378 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,367 WHY DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS? 379 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,267 I'M A GOOD LISTENER. 380 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:52,667 - I'VE WASTED THE LAST TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE. 381 00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:54,267 - NOT NOW, FRANK. 382 00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:55,800 - I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THE STUFF ON HERE. 383 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,633 NONE OF IT. NOW WHAT THE HELL AM I? 384 00:17:58,633 --> 00:18:00,267 JUST A LIST OF CABLE CHANNELS 385 00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:05,167 AND A BIG STINKING PILE OF BACON WAITING TO DIE. 386 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,367 - BIG DEAL. 387 00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:09,433 AT LEAST YOU WEREN'T COMPETING WITH SOMEONE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. 388 00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:10,800 YOU WERE YOUR OWN MAN. 389 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,033 - "WERE YOUR OWN MAN"? 390 00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:14,467 PAST TENSE? 391 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,733 YOU CAN'T WAIT, CAN YOU? 392 00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,133 - HEY, DON'T WORRY, DAD. 393 00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:19,267 YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, 394 00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,100 JUST LIKE I'M "STILL" A WRITER. 395 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,333 - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS KIND OF TALK. 396 00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:25,033 WE SHOULD ALL BE COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS. 397 00:18:25,033 --> 00:18:26,133 - WHAT BLESSINGS? 398 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:27,467 WHY DID YOU WRITE A CHRISTMAS LETTER? 399 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:28,767 LOOK WHAT YOU DID. 400 00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:32,200 - HEY, IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO DO ALL THE THINGS ON THAT LIST. 401 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,133 - "SEE FRANK SINATRA IN CONCERT"? 402 00:18:38,567 --> 00:18:40,300 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH. HERE. 403 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,600 MAKE A NEW LIST AND START ON THAT. 404 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,467 YOU CAN DO IT. YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET, FRANK. 405 00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:47,633 AND, ROBERT, COME ON. 406 00:18:47,633 --> 00:18:49,467 YOU'RE SMART, SUCCESSFUL, HANDSOME, 407 00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:51,433 NO MATTER WHAT RAY DOES OR DOESN'T DO. 408 00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:53,033 YOU'RE NOT A LOSER. 409 00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,200 YOU'RE A LIEUTENANT 410 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,000 IN THE NEW YORK CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT FOR GOD'S SAKE. 411 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,033 - YEAH, WHAT ABOUT ME? 412 00:18:58,033 --> 00:19:01,233 - YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE MARRIED TO ME, OKAY? 413 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,233 ALL OF YOU. 414 00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:10,000 COME ON. 415 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,733 - WHY'D YOU EVEN HAVE TO WRITE THAT LETTER? 416 00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:23,100 IT'S THE LETTER THAT MAKES US SOUND BAD. 417 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,233 - GET RID OF THE LETTER. 418 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:25,267 - YEAH, YEAH. GET RID OF IT. 419 00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:26,800 - NO. WE WORKED ALL AFTERNOON ON THIS. 420 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,533 - IT'S OUR CHRISTMAS LETTER. 421 00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:30,000 - YEAH, I WANT OUT OF IT. 422 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,367 I FORBID YOU TO USE MY NAME OR LIKENESS. 423 00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,067 - OH, FRANK, NO. DON'T. 424 00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,567 - ME TOO. ME TOO. 425 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:38,200 - NO, RAY, COME ON. 426 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,467 - HEY, HEY, I'M NOT GONNA BE THE ONLY LOSER IN THERE. 427 00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:43,400 I'M OUT TOO. 428 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,333 - THIS IS CHRISTMAS. 429 00:19:57,333 --> 00:20:01,100 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SHARE OUR JOYOUS NEWS OF FAMILY. 430 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,667 - IT'S NOBODY'S DAMN BUSINESS. 431 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:03,667 - DAMN STRAIGHT. 432 00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:04,667 - LET'S WATCH THE GAME. - YEAH. 433 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:08,500 - OH, COME ON, GUYS. 434 00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:11,400 - LOOK AT THIS. 435 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,667 WE CAN'T SEND IT OUT LIKE THIS. 436 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,500 WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK? 437 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:21,500 IT'S JUST ME AND YOU NOW. 438 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,700 HERE'S YOUR PART, DEAR. 439 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,633 - I'VE GOT TO GET THIS TO THE POST OFFICE. 440 00:20:25,633 --> 00:20:29,033 THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, DEAR. 441 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,700 - ISN'T THIS NICE? 442 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:37,800 CHRISTMAS MORNING, AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. 443 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,233 - YEAH, THIS IS NICE. 444 00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,533 - THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. 445 00:20:40,533 --> 00:20:42,233 - YEAH, READ ANOTHER ONE, DAD. 446 00:20:42,233 --> 00:20:43,367 - OKAY. 447 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:47,667 THIS ONE IS FROM LINDA AND DENNIS MCCARTHY. 448 00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:49,433 - OH, BOY. - OH, THEY'RE THE WORST. 449 00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:51,500 - "DEAR FAMILY AND FRIENDS..." 450 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,667 - WE'RE NEITHER. KEEP GOING. 451 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,300 - "IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY? 452 00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:58,200 "WITH OUR TRIP TO COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG, 453 00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,700 "REMODELING THE LIVING ROOM, 454 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:02,267 "AND DENNY'S SUCCESSFUL RUN FOR CITY COUNCIL, 455 00:21:02,267 --> 00:21:04,567 THE MONTHS HAVE JUST FLOWN BY." 456 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:09,267 CITY COUNCIL OF WHAT CITY? JACKASSVILLE? 457 00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:12,100 [laughter] 458 00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:17,100 - IS THERE A PICTURE WITH THAT? LET ME SEE THE PICTURE. 459 00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,100 - HERE YOU GO. - THEY ALWAYS SEND PICTURES. 460 00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:21,033 - YEAH, THEY ALWAYS SEND THEM. 461 00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:23,500 THERE YOU GO. THERE IT IS. 462 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,633 - OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THAT LIVING ROOM 463 00:21:24,633 --> 00:21:29,400 ISN'T THE ONLY THING SHE'S REMODELED. 464 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,467 - LOOK AT THAT. 465 00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:31,567 IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S IN A WIND TUNNEL. 466 00:21:31,567 --> 00:21:33,500 - YEAH. 467 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,267 - "OF COURSE, THE BIG NEWS AROUND HERE 468 00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:37,333 "IS THE NEW ADDITION TO OUR FAMILY. 469 00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,200 "HIS NAME IS TIC-TAC, 470 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,167 AND HE'S 22 POUNDS OF FUZZY FUN." 471 00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:44,667 - THAT IS ONE UGLY KID. 472 00:21:44,667 --> 00:21:46,600 [laughter] 473 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,633 - THAT'S THE DOG. 474 00:21:47,633 --> 00:21:50,000 THE KID'S OUTSIDE PEEING ON A FIRE HYDRANT. 475 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,000 - OH, I LOVE CHRISTMAS.