1 00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,133 - LAST TIME, ON "EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND"... 2 00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:05,733 - NO, KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES RIGHT NOW. 3 00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:06,967 WE'RE GOING UPSTAIRS. 4 00:00:06,967 --> 00:00:08,933 - GEOFFREY, SAY, "ORANGE." 5 00:00:08,933 --> 00:00:10,367 - MARIE, PLEASE STOP. 6 00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:12,567 WE ARE NOT TELLING KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES RIGHT NOW. 7 00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:15,167 WE ARE GOING UPSTAIRS FOR OUR BATHS, ALL RIGHT? 8 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:16,200 THANK YOU. 9 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,200 LET'S GO. 10 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,467 LET'S GO. 11 00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:24,400 - WELL. 12 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,967 - YOUR MOTHER IS ACTING LIKE A CHILD, 13 00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:27,400 GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT. 14 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,467 DO YOU REALIZE HOW PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE THAT IS? 15 00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:32,233 - FIRST OF ALL, I'M SORRY I CAME OVER WHEN I DID. 16 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,400 I SHOULD KNOW BY NOW, BY LATE AFTERNOON, 17 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,733 YOU'VE LOST COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE KIDS. 18 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,567 - SO... 19 00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:45,600 SHE'S TALKING TO YOU AGAIN. 20 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:50,333 - WELL, SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, 21 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,000 BECAUSE I'M DONE TALKING TO HER. 22 00:00:55,467 --> 00:00:57,833 - NOW, I KNOW WHEN WE'RE ANGRY AND HURT, 23 00:00:57,833 --> 00:01:01,233 WE CAN ONLY SEE THE NEGATIVE IN THE OTHER PERSON. 24 00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:04,467 BUT YOU TWO PEOPLE KNOW, DEEP DOWN, 25 00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:06,400 HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER, 26 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,200 HOW YOU CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND HOW MUCH-- 27 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,233 HOW MUCH YOU LOVE EACH OTHER. 28 00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,633 - A GOOD FASTBALL WITH SOME MOVEMENT ON IT. 29 00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:28,500 DOWN GOES JOHNSON. 30 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,400 - FRANK, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE CEREAL, 31 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,267 YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE THE MILK SITTING OUT. 32 00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:34,433 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT? 33 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:35,300 - 1,000. 34 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,633 MIGHT AS WELL JUST GIVE IT UP. 35 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,900 - LOOK AT THIS PLACE. 36 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:43,467 IT'S A PIGSTY. 37 00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:45,867 YOU'RE LIKE SOME KIND OF AN ANIMAL. 38 00:01:45,867 --> 00:01:47,700 - A PIG? 39 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:52,233 - JUST WATCH YOURSELF, MISTER. 40 00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:57,467 - I TELL YA, THIS THING WITH DEBRA 41 00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,967 HAS GOT HER NUTTIER THAN EVER. 42 00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:00,567 THEY SHOULD JUST LACE UP THE GLOVES 43 00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:04,267 AND GO AT IT IN THE BACKYARD. 44 00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:06,600 - COME ON; THOSE TWO ARE GOIN' THROUGH A TOUGH TIME. 45 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,767 ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW IT AFFECTS YOU? 46 00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:13,333 - YOU'RE LIKE A LADY. 47 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,167 - YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED? 48 00:02:20,167 --> 00:02:21,500 EVEN WHEN DEBRA'S ALL, 49 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,367 "RAY! RAY! RAY! RAY! RAY! RAY! RAY!" 50 00:02:23,367 --> 00:02:24,733 IF SHE FINDS OUT I'M COMIN' OVER HERE, 51 00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:26,867 SHE GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO BE NICE TO ME. 52 00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:27,933 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 53 00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:29,433 - WELL, LIKE YESTERDAY, 54 00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:31,000 MA WANTED ME TO COME OVER, 55 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,600 AND DEBRA ALL OF A SUDDEN WAS LIKE, 56 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,300 "HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO HIT A BUCKET OF BALLS?" 57 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,433 - SHE TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE DRIVING RANGE? 58 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:39,600 - YEAH. 59 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,367 AND THEN I ALSO WENT ON THE GO-CARTS. 60 00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:46,400 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 61 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,600 YOU SHOULD TRY THIS WITH MOM, GET WHAT YOU WANT. 62 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,400 JUST TALK TO HER, 63 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,533 AND THROW DEBRA INTO THE MIX. 64 00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:56,733 - AH. 65 00:02:56,733 --> 00:02:58,900 I LIKE THAT... 66 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:02,767 EXCEPT FOR THE "TALK TO HER" PART. 67 00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:04,200 - YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO MA. 68 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,767 SHE'S YOUR WIFE. 69 00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,767 - GO HOME. 70 00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:10,867 HEY, MARIE! 71 00:03:10,867 --> 00:03:12,100 - WHAT? 72 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,400 - UH, YOU'RE RIGHT, 73 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,400 I HAVE BEEN MAKING A MESS HERE. 74 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,700 WE'LL JUST GO OVER TO DEBRA'S. 75 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,000 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 76 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,300 - YEAH, YEAH. 77 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,000 I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR. 78 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,700 - NO, DON'T BE SILLY. 79 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,167 SIT. 80 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:31,500 - NO, NO, NO, NO. 81 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,233 IT'S EASY ENOUGH TO GO ACROSS THE STREET. 82 00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:34,467 COME ON, RAY. 83 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:36,967 - NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? 84 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,933 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? 85 00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:41,167 GRILLED CHEESE. 86 00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:50,867 - DOUBLE CHEESE? 87 00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:52,900 NO CRUST? 88 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,367 - OF COURSE. SIT. 89 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,633 WOULD YOU LIKE A GRILLED CHEESE, RAYMOND? 90 00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,967 - YOU GOT BACON? 91 00:04:02,967 --> 00:04:04,333 - OF COURSE. 92 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:09,633 - HOW ABOUT YOU, ROB? 93 00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:13,267 - [pointedly] NO, THANK YOU. 94 00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,267 - OKAY, THEN, TWO GRILLED CHEESE COMIN' UP. 95 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,733 - I LOVE YOU. 96 00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:33,967 [phone rings] 97 00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,400 - HELLO. 98 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,767 HEY, MA. 99 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:39,467 YEAH, YEAH, DAD'S HERE. 100 00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:41,767 WE'RE JUST WATCHING THE GAME. 101 00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:44,667 YEAH, BUT SHE'S LEAVING TO PICK UP THE KIDS. 102 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,267 - DOES SHE WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M DOING? 103 00:04:46,267 --> 00:04:49,300 TELL HER I'M HERE TOO. 104 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:50,800 - ROBERT'S HERE TOO. 105 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,000 I DON'T KNOW. 106 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,067 HE WANTED ME TO TELL YOU. 107 00:04:55,867 --> 00:04:56,933 YEAH. 108 00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:57,933 ALL RIGHT. 109 00:04:57,933 --> 00:05:00,533 OKAY, BYE-BYE. 110 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,033 MA WASN'T TOO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE, DAD. 111 00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:05,533 - GOOD, SHE'S GETTING THE MESSAGE. 112 00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:06,667 I CAME OVER HERE 113 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,633 BECAUSE THE OMELET SHE MADE ME THIS MORNING 114 00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:12,067 WAS HALF-ASSED. 115 00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:14,733 - YOU'RE HERE TO PUNISH MA? 116 00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:16,100 I THINK THAT'S TERRIBLE. 117 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,733 - NO, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S TERRIBLE: 118 00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:22,333 A SALAMI OMELET THAT'S SKIMPY ON THE SALAMI. 119 00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:23,667 - YOU KNOW WHAT, RAY? 120 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,400 TELL YOUR MOTHER NOT TO CALL HERE ANYMORE. 121 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,500 I AM SICK OF FEELING LIKE I CAN'T ANSWER THE PHONE 122 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,533 IN MY OWN HOUSE. 123 00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:30,100 - I CAN'T TELL HER NOT TO CALL. 124 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,567 - I'LL DO IT. 125 00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:34,533 - ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER IF SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO ME 126 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:37,100 TO LET THE PHONE RING ONCE-- THAT'LL BE HER SIGNAL-- 127 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,467 THEN HANG UP AND CALL BACK. 128 00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,000 - FINE, I'LL USE THE SAME SIGNAL 129 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,833 IF YOU'RE OVER THERE AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 130 00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:44,100 - AND WHEN I PICK UP, YOU DO A LITTLE HEAVY BREATHING-- 131 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,267 - I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR. 132 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,567 - HELLO? 133 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,300 - WHAT'S GOIN' ON, MA? 134 00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,967 - I THOUGHT YOU BOYS COULD USE A LITTLE SNACK. 135 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,933 STUFFED MUSHROOMS. 136 00:06:00,933 --> 00:06:02,700 - LET'S HAVE IT. 137 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,367 - I KNOW IT'S USUALLY SLIM PICKINGS AROUND HERE. 138 00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:11,000 THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO BRING THESE OVER 139 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,867 AS QUICKLY AS I COULD. 140 00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:15,167 - MMM, THESE ARE GOOD. 141 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,967 BETTER THAN THAT OMELET. 142 00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:20,633 - YES, I KNOW. 143 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:21,900 I'M SORRY. 144 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,733 I WAS ALMOST OUT OF SALAMI, 145 00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:25,567 AND I KNEW THE OMELET WASN'T RIGHT. 146 00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:28,333 I SHOULD'VE JUST THROWN IT OUT OR GIVEN IT TO ROBBIE. 147 00:06:37,233 --> 00:06:38,667 WELL, EAT UP, BOYS. 148 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:40,800 THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM... 149 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,567 ACROSS THE STREET. 150 00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:48,267 - RAY, YOUR CAR IS BLOCKING ME, SO IF YOU-- 151 00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:51,967 SO I'LL JUST TAKE YOUR CAR. 152 00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:54,667 OKAY? IF THAT'S OKAY. 153 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:57,533 - YEAH, OKAY. 154 00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:59,167 - WELL, BOYS, I HAVE TO GET BACK. 155 00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:01,167 I'VE GOT A LOT OF TREATS TO MAKE, 156 00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,567 WHICH WILL BE DELICIOUS. 157 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,600 - YOU KNOW, RAY, AS LONG AS I'M TAKING YOUR CAR, 158 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,633 DO YOU WANT ME TO GAS IT UP FOR YOU? 159 00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:13,167 - OH, YEAH, IF YOU DON'T MIND. 160 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,700 - NO, NO, IT WOULD BE FUN. 161 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,533 - FRANK, I'M GONNA MAKE CANNELLONI TONIGHT. 162 00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:20,967 - SOUNDS OKAY. 163 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,500 - OH, ACTUALLY, NO. 164 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:26,767 INSTEAD OF CANNELLONI, I'LL MAKE SOME LAMB. 165 00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,767 A WHOLE LAMB. 166 00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,000 - YEAH? 167 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,133 WITH THAT MINT JELLY I LIKE? 168 00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:38,767 - OF COURSE, WHATEVER YOU WANT, H-HONEY. 169 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,667 - OH, COME ON. 170 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:03,400 - SO, RAY, UH... 171 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,033 WHAT IF I BRING HOME A PIZZA FOR DINNER? 172 00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:06,567 - OH. 173 00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,633 - AND MAYBE A NICE BOTTLE OF WINE? 174 00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:11,667 - OH! 175 00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:18,267 - MARIE, NO WINE. 176 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,033 - FRANK, YOU RASCAL. 177 00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:33,433 - OKAY, WELL, I'LL SEE YOU, SWEETIE. 178 00:08:33,433 --> 00:08:35,100 BYE, FRANK. BYE, ROBERT. 179 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,733 - BYE. - BYE. 180 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,867 - I LOVE YOU FELLAS! 181 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:40,600 BYE-BYE! 182 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:44,267 - OH, MAN! 183 00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:47,200 WE GOTTA GET THESE TWO HENS TOGETHER MORE OFTEN. 184 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,733 - I KNOW. 185 00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:52,100 I'LL BET I CAN GET A WEEK OF GOLF AT MYRTLE BEACH. 186 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,633 - I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET MARIE 187 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,967 UP ON THE ROOF TO CLEAN THE GUTTERS. 188 00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:59,767 [laughter] 189 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,800 - YOU TWO, PLAYING YOUR WIVES AGAINST EACH OTHER-- 190 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,433 YOU'RE DESPICABLE! 191 00:09:08,433 --> 00:09:11,933 - CALM DOWN, DAINTY DUCK. 192 00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:13,233 - YEAH, WHAT? 193 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,833 WE TRIED TO GET THEM TO STOP FIGHTING. 194 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,900 IF THEY WANNA KEEP IT UP, WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO SUFFER? 195 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:19,033 - THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NOT SUFFERING 196 00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:20,367 AND EXPLOITING THE SITUATION. 197 00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:22,267 YOU SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOUR WIVES, 198 00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:23,633 BRINGING THEM TOGETHER. 199 00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:26,733 THIS IS NOT THE WAY FOR A FAMILY TO BEHAVE. 200 00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,767 - YOU KNOW, WHILE MARIE'S UP ON THE ROOF, 201 00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:35,433 I'LL HAVE HER INSTALL A SATELLITE DISH. 202 00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:47,600 - HI, ROBERT. 203 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,767 - HEY, DEB. 204 00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,133 - COME ON IN. 205 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,733 - ALL RIGHT. 206 00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:55,733 RAYMOND AROUND? 207 00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:58,567 - NO, HE'S OUT BUYING HIMSELF A NEW PUTTER. 208 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,933 - ISN'T THAT NICE FOR HIM. 209 00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:05,600 SO HOW ARE YOU? 210 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,833 - I'M FINE. 211 00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:10,100 - THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD ONE OF US IS FINE. 212 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,667 - YOU'RE NOT FINE, ROBERT? 213 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,467 - WELL, YOU KNOW ME-- 214 00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:16,300 I DON'T DO WELL WITH THE TENSION. 215 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,033 IT GETS ME RIGHT IN THE GUT. 216 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,667 AND THIS THING WITH YOU AND MY MOM, 217 00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:23,167 MUY TENSIONOSO. 218 00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:25,733 - IS THAT SPANISH FOR "VERY TENSE"? 219 00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:27,733 - I DON'T KNOW. 220 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,467 ALL I KNOW IS, I'M POPPING ANTACIDS 221 00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:35,333 LIKE THEY'RE COCKTAIL PEANUTS. 222 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,067 COME ON, YOU KNOW, 223 00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:38,900 THIS FIGHT HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH. 224 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,467 I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER 225 00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:42,800 WHY YOU WERE MAD AT EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE. 226 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,200 - WHY? 227 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,867 BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER IS CONDESCENDING, 228 00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:47,367 OVERBEARING, PATRONIZING... 229 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,767 - OKAY, OKAY. - MANIPULATIVE-- 230 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:49,967 - OKAY! 231 00:10:49,967 --> 00:10:51,800 THE WHYS ARE NOT IMPORTANT. 232 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,133 BUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT 233 00:10:54,133 --> 00:10:57,567 IS TO REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS SHORT. 234 00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:59,033 YOU KNOW HOW THEY ALWAYS SAY 235 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,900 YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO BED MAD? 236 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:07,367 WELL, I SAY IT'D EVEN BE WORSE TO GO TO THE BIG BED MAD. 237 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,000 HMM? 238 00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,200 - I'M SORRY, ROBERT. 239 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,900 I--I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, 240 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,700 BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, 241 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:21,667 I NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT MYSELF FOR A CHANGE. 242 00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:25,567 - OKAY. 243 00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:31,667 I KNOW THAT RAYMOND'S THINKING ABOUT HIMSELF. 244 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:34,467 - RAY? WHAT--WHAT-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 245 00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:36,667 - HUH? 246 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,833 - WHAT IS IT, ROBERT? 247 00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,433 - WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST ME, 248 00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:45,967 BUT I'M OF THE OPINION THAT A MAN SHOULD BE 249 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:48,333 MORE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS FAMILY'S WELL-BEING 250 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,067 THAN FIGURING OUT A WAY TO GET HIS WIFE TO LET HIM GO 251 00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:55,033 ON A WEEK-LONG GOLF RETREAT TO MYRTLE BEACH. 252 00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:57,133 - WHAT GOLF RETREAT? 253 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,433 - COME ON; YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED 254 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,033 HE'S BEEN DROPPING HINTS LIKE CRAZY? 255 00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:02,367 MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BUSY RUNNING AROUND 256 00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:03,567 GASSING UP HIS CAR, 257 00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:12,067 DRINKING WINE, AND HAVING TO... 258 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:15,233 DO THINGS BECAUSE OF THE WINE. 259 00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:17,100 - ROBERT, ALL I-- 260 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,767 - WAKE UP, SIS! 261 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,167 DAD AND RAYMOND HAVE A LAUNDRY LIST OF STUFF 262 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,500 THEY'RE TRYING TO GET OUT OF YOU TWO! 263 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,433 THEY'RE EXPLOITING THE SITUATION. 264 00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,267 THEY'RE PLAYING YOU TWO AGAINST EACH OTHER. 265 00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:30,233 THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU, AND IT'S MAKING ME SICK! 266 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:37,067 BUT IF IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU... 267 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:49,467 YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO BED MAD. 268 00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:53,767 WELL, I SAY IT'D BE EVEN WORSE TO GO THE BIG BED MAD. 269 00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:56,133 HMM? 270 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,600 ALL RIGHT, MA. 271 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,667 THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW. 272 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:05,667 AND I'M ONLY SAYING THIS 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT 273 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,600 TO SEE YOU ON THE ROOF. 274 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,233 - [whistling] 275 00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:20,633 HEY, MOONSHINE! 276 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,567 WELL, HERE SHE IS. 277 00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:25,400 A LITTLE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN I THOUGHT, 278 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,467 BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT, YOU KNOW, 279 00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:31,967 IF I EVER GO ON A, I DON'T KNOW, GOLF RETREAT OR SOMETHING. 280 00:13:31,967 --> 00:13:33,933 - YEAH, THAT'S NICE. 281 00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:36,167 LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, RAY. 282 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:38,067 HOW LONG DID YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE 283 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,133 TO USE ME AND YOUR MOM? 284 00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:42,067 - HOW'S THAT? 285 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,033 - YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS SMART ENOUGH 286 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,700 TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE DOING? 287 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,833 - I DON'T--WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 288 00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,133 - DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME! 289 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,333 - I'M NOT! THIS IS HOW I AM. 290 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,500 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY SUBTLE, 291 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,667 SITTIN' THERE LIKE SOME ROMAN EMPEROR. 292 00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,200 "BRING ME MY PIZZA! SERVE ME MY WINE! 293 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,200 PRETEND YOU'RE A LONELY NURSE!" 294 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,467 - HEY. 295 00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:16,300 YOU KNOW WHAT THE GUYS AT THE LODGE 296 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,767 WERE JUST TELLIN' ME? 297 00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:21,267 APPARENTLY, IF YOU INSTALL IT YOURSELF, 298 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:25,567 A SATELLITE DISH IS ACTUALLY QUITE AFFORDABLE. 299 00:14:25,567 --> 00:14:28,300 MAKES YOU THINK, DOESN'T IT? 300 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,167 ANYWAY, MAKE ME A SANDWICH, WILL YA? 301 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,633 - YOU WANT A SANDWICH? 302 00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:36,533 - UH, ROAST BEEF, MAYO, MUSTARD, LETTUCE, 303 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:40,100 TOMATO, CHEESE, EASY ONION. 304 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,600 - SOUNDS NICE. WHAT KIND OF BREAD? 305 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:47,900 - LET'S GO WITH THE WHOLE WHEAT TODAY, SHALL WE? 306 00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,433 - ALL RIGHT. 307 00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:54,767 - OW! HEY! HEY! OW! 308 00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:56,533 OKAY, WHITE BREAD, THEN! 309 00:14:56,533 --> 00:14:59,000 - YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D CATCH ON TO YOU, MR. SLEAZY MAN? 310 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,800 OH, I CAUGHT ON. OH, DID I CATCH ON! 311 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,500 SURE, GETTING THE TWO OF US TO WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT, 312 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,600 THROUGH EXPLOITING THE SITUATION. 313 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,300 I WISH THIS BREAD WAS STALE. 314 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,733 I WOULD GIVE YOU A CONCUSSION! 315 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:27,367 LOOK WHO IT IS. 316 00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:30,000 I SUPPOSE YOU'RE HERE TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT. 317 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,233 - DON'T ASK FOR A SANDWICH. 318 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,000 - IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, I SUGGEST YOU GO BACK ACROSS THE STREET, 319 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,400 'CAUSE THIS KITCHEN IS CLOSED! 320 00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:42,533 - HER TOO? 321 00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,167 - YEAH. 322 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:45,667 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 323 00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,167 - DEBRA. 324 00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:48,667 SHE STARTED YELLIN' AT ME 325 00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:50,700 AND TELLIN' ME I WAS USING HER FIGHT WITH MOM 326 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,000 FOR MY OWN GOOD, 327 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,467 SAID I WAS EXPLOITING THE SITUATION. 328 00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,800 - WAIT A MINUTE. 329 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,467 "EXPLOITING THE SITUATION," 330 00:15:58,467 --> 00:16:00,467 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOUR MOTHER JUST SAID. 331 00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:03,467 - REALLY? WELL, HOW DID BOTH MOM AND DEBRA KNOW-- 332 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:06,000 - OH, HEY, I FORGOT MY TUMS. 333 00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:23,000 WELL, I'M OFF. 334 00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:27,400 - HEY, ROBERT. 335 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,200 YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHY RAY AND I 336 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,300 JUST GOT OUR GRAPES CRUSHED BY THE BROADS? 337 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,467 - OKAY, TAKE IT EASY. 338 00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:42,167 SOME THINGS MIGHT HAVE BEEN SAID IN PASSING THAT-- 339 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,667 THAT POSSIBLY COULD HAVE BEEN MISCONSTRUED. 340 00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:47,400 - YOU SOLD US OUT, MAN! - YOU'RE A RAT! 341 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,400 WE HAD SOMETHING GOOD GOING, AND YOU RUINED IT! 342 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,733 - OKAY, HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 343 00:16:50,733 --> 00:16:52,800 YOU DIDN'T HAVE "SOMETHING GOOD" GOING. 344 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,333 - YES, WE DID! 345 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:57,000 FOR ONCE, I WAS ENJOYING MY MARRIAGE! 346 00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:02,067 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 347 00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:03,533 YOU TWO GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED. 348 00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:05,200 I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE MAD AT ME. 349 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,333 I'M SORRY THAT YOUR PUTTER GOT BENT, RAYMOND, 350 00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,333 AND I'M SORRY MA'S NOT HANGING OFF THE ROOF 351 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:12,133 WITH 50 FOOT OF CABLE AND A RATCHET! 352 00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:21,800 BUT, BY GOD, I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES 353 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:26,267 TO MAKE THIS FAMILY WHOLE! 354 00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:28,900 - I THINK YOU'RE THE FAMILY HOLE. 355 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,800 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 356 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,967 [both yelling] 357 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,833 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 358 00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:38,233 - HEY, ROBERT, WHY DON'T YOU RUN CRYIN' TO YOUR MOMMY 359 00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:40,533 AND TELL HER ABOUT HOW MEAN WE JUST WERE TO YOU? 360 00:17:40,533 --> 00:17:43,100 - YEAH, SQUEAL ON US AGAIN, MOMMY-LOVER! 361 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,233 THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. 362 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,600 - SHUT UP, RAYMOND. 363 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,400 [men gasp] 364 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:54,267 - WE DON'T SAY "SHUT UP" IN THIS HOUSE. 365 00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:56,200 - FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NEVER SQUEALING 366 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,500 IF YOU'RE TELLING SOMETHING TO YOUR MOTHER. 367 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,800 AND I HAPPEN TO APPRECIATE ROBBIE LETTING ME KNOW 368 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,633 WHAT YOU TWO WERE TRYING TO DO TO DEBRA AND ME. 369 00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:08,800 I WOULD BE HAPPY TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING TO EAT. 370 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,767 [phone rings] 371 00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:12,233 - WAIT. 372 00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,167 ONE RING. 373 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,633 THAT'S DEBRA'S SIGNAL. 374 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,000 [ringing resumes] 375 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,733 - YOU CAN PICK UP THAT PHONE, MA. 376 00:18:24,733 --> 00:18:26,133 [ringing] 377 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:28,733 MA, MAKE THIS RIGHT. 378 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:32,667 YOU CAN MAKE THIS RIGHT. 379 00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:34,200 [ringing continues] 380 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,233 YOU CAN DO IT, MA. 381 00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,567 REMEMBER THAT BIG BED. 382 00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,000 ATTAWAY, MA! 383 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,667 MA! 384 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,267 THIS WAS YOUR CHANCE! 385 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,100 WHAT DID WE JUST TALK ABOUT IN THERE? 386 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,533 WHAT ABOUT THE BIG BED? 387 00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,133 - ALL YOUR TALK ABOUT THE BIG BED, 388 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,567 WHY DON'T YOU TELL THAT TO DEBRA? 389 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:58,500 - I DID! 390 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,733 - YOU DID? 391 00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:07,567 YOU TOLD HER THE SAME THING YOU TOLD ME? 392 00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:09,700 - I WAS JUST TRYING TO-- TO SHOW-- 393 00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:12,933 - OH! ENOUGH. 394 00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:16,233 YOU'RE A DOUBLE AGENT. 395 00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:18,433 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 396 00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:21,733 - YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT A DOUBLE AGENT WOULD SAY. 397 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,300 - YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH FAITH IN ME 398 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,933 TO KNOW THAT I WOULD DO THE RIGHT THING, 399 00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:31,300 SO YOU WENT TO HER TOO. 400 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,500 - YOU DIDN'T DO THE RIGHT THING! 401 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:34,033 - THAT'S HARDLY THE POINT! 402 00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:35,867 - HARDLY! 403 00:19:35,867 --> 00:19:38,100 WHAT HE DID IS MUCH WORSE THAN WHAT WE DID, RIGHT, MA? 404 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,300 - SHUT UP, RAYMOND. 405 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:45,500 - WE SAY IT ALL THE TIME NOW? 406 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,300 - TELL ME SOMETHING, ROBERT. 407 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,033 WHO DID YOU TALK TO FIRST ABOUT THIS, DEBRA OR ME? 408 00:19:51,033 --> 00:19:53,167 - I DON'T REMEMBER. 409 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,800 - YOU WENT TO HER FIRST, 410 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,233 BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO TAKE HER SIDE OVER MINE! 411 00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:58,800 - I'M ON NO ONE'S SIDE! 412 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,233 - YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE YOU. 413 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,300 GET OUT! - MA! 414 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,933 I'M ON THE FAMILY'S SIDE! 415 00:20:04,933 --> 00:20:06,900 - THROW HIM OUT! - WITH PLEASURE! 416 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,700 - ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING! 417 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,800 BUT LET ME JUST SAY THIS. 418 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:16,900 WHEN WE ARE ALL IN THAT BIG BED, 419 00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:20,700 I'LL BE THE ONLY ONE ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. 420 00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:30,167 - I AIN'T SLEEPIN' IN THAT BED WITH HIM. 421 00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,733 HE SLEEPS NAKED. 422 00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:51,300 - I WASN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE. 423 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,400 DON'T BEND 'EM. 424 00:21:13,867 --> 00:21:15,200 - [sighs] 425 00:21:26,433 --> 00:21:28,433 I'D LIKE SOME CHIPS. 426 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,700 - OH!