- CAN WE GO WATCH TV UPSTAIRS?
- YEAH, JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
- AH, THAT WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL NIGHT.
- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IT WAS JUST DINNER
AND YOU PEOPLE.
- I'M TALKING ABOUT ROBERT'S WONDERFUL ANNOUNCEMENT.
I AM SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK WITH AMY.
- A WONDERFUL ANNOUNCEMENT WOULD HAVE BEEN,
"I'M PICKING UP THE CHECK."
- AND GUESS WHAT.
AMY'S COMING TO THANKSGIVING TOO.
- OH. - THAT'S IN TWO DAYS.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN STAY TOGETHER THAT LONG?
- ZING, ZING, ZING. HUH, CUBBY?
[laughs]
- WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO. IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE.
WHAT TIME IS IT, MARIE?
- WHAT'S THE TIME?
IT'S, UM...
UM...UH...
TIME FOR DESSERT!
IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL NIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, DESSERT. - ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO THAT.
WOW. DID YOU SEE THAT?
- YEAH, IT'S GETTING REALLY BAD.
- I THINK IT'S WORSE THAN EVER.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- FRANK, DIDN'T YOU SEE MARIE
HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE CLOCK?
- WELL, TIME HAS NEVER BEEN
A FRIEND TO MARIE.
- SHE WAS SQUINTING BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T SEE IT.
SAME THING WAS HAPPENING AT THE RESTAURANT.
- YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
DID YOU SEE HER STRAINING TO READ THE SPECIALS?
- WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER SHE WALKED INTO THE MEN'S ROOM?
- MA'S BLIND.
- SHE'S NOT BLIND, ROBERT.
WE JUST HAVE TO TELL HER SHE NEEDS GLASSES.
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT. - OH, YEAH, THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
- WHY? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
- NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, DEBRA,
BUT MA'S PRETTY SENSITIVE ABOUT HER APPEARANCE.
- YEAH, BUT YOUR MOM'S NOT SO SILLY
THAT SHE'S GONNA PUT VANITY BEFORE HER SIGHT.
[both laughing]
- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT, DEB.
YOU SHOULD TELL HER SHE NEEDS GLASSES.
- YEAH. - [chuckling]
- YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER FIRST.
- WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER, FRANK?
- AH, NOT ME.
LAST TIME I TOLD HER TO DO SOMETHING
FOR HER OWN GOOD,
IT COMPLETELY BIT ME IN THE ASS.
- WHAT WAS THAT? - I SAID, "MARRY ME."
- HERE WE GO, EVERYBODY. TIRAMISU.
- OH, TIRAMISU ME! - OOH!
- THERE'S SOME FOR THAT GUY.
ALL RIGHT. - UM, MARIE...
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
HOW COME THERE'S NO TIRAMISU IN YOUR MOUTH?
- MARIE, UM...
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SAW AN OPTOMETRIST?
UH, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE WE WERE, UH, TALKING,
AND, UM, WE THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO GETTING SOME GLASSES.
- MY EYES ARE FINE.
- WELL, WE COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE SEEING.
- WELL, LET ME TELL YOU THAT MY VISION IS PERFECT.
TELL THEM, FRANK.
FRANK?
- OH, I WAS HOPING YOU COULDN'T SEE ME.
- MARIE, WHAT'S THE HARM IN JUST GETTING YOUR EYES CHECKED?
- I AM NOT WEARING GLASSES.
- OKAY, CONTACT LENSES, THEN. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
- I'M--I'M NOT GONNA STICK THOSE THINGS IN MY EYES.
AND I DON'T LIKE HOW I LOOK IN GLASSES.
- BUT IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE SEEING,
ISN'T CORRECTING THAT MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE?
- YOU KNOW ME, DEBRA.
I'M NOT A VAIN WOMAN.
AND I'VE BEEN TOLD
THAT I HAVE A BOTTICELLI FACE.
AND ONE DOES NOT PUT GLASSES ON A BOTTICELLI FACE.
- I'D SAY YOU HAVE MORE OF A "MR. POTATO HEAD" FACE.
AND GLASSES COME WITH THE KIT.
- I AM NOT GETTING GLASSES,
AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.
JUST EAT YOUR DESSERT.
- OKAY.
EW.
MY FORK IS DIRTY. - WHAT?
THERE ARE NO DIRTY FORKS IN MY HOUSE.
LET ME SEE.
OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT, MA?
- I WASHED THIS FORK MYSELF
BY HAND.
I GUESS I MISSED IT.
- LET'S HIDE.
[cheering on TV]
- IT'S OKAY. I GOT IT.
- OH. OH, YOU GOT IT.
'CAUSE YOU'RE A SEXY MUSCLE GIRL.
- I JUST CAME FROM THE EYE DOCTOR,
AND I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
TA-DA!
- OH!
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- YOU DID IT, MA!
- YEAH, THE DOCTOR SAID
I REALLY ONLY NEED TO USE THEM FOR READING AND DRIVING,
BUT THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN THE SHOP
WHO SAID THAT I LOOK SO SOPHISTICATED IN THEM,
I MIGHT LEAVE THEM ON ALL THE TIME.
- THAT'S THE, UH, THE STYLE THE KIDS ARE WEARING NOW?
- RAY... THEY LOOK GREAT, MARIE!
- YEAH, NO, THEY LOOK GOOD. THEY LOOK GOOD.
- OH, WOW. WHAT DID FRANK SAY?
- NOTHING.
HE WOULDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING NEW ON ME
UNLESS IT WAS MADE OF SAUSAGE.
BUT I'LL TELL YA, ON THE DRIVE HOME,
IT WAS AS IF I WAS SEEING THE NEIGHBORHOOD
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
- THAT'S GREAT, MA.
- OH, MARIE, WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!
- OH, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
- YES.
- OH, LOOK. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN SEE?
THERE'S A COBWEB FORMING UNDER THE TELEVISION.
- WOW, THAT IS JUST-- THAT IS GREAT!
THAT'S AMAZING. MARIE, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
- I MEAN, I CAN SEE THE WORLD!
EVERYTHING IS A LITTLE MORE CLEAR AND VIVID.
OH, WHAT'S THAT? - WHAT?
- OH, NOTHING. IT'S JUST AN EYELASH.
- OH, WOW.
THOSE ARE HIGH-POWERED, MA.
- MAKE A WISH.
[laughs]
- OH.
- WHAT?
- OH, NOTHING.
I JUST NEVER NOTICED YOUR EYELASHES.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I--I ALWAYS THOUGHT THEY WERE A LITTLE FULLER.
OH, DON'T TOUCH.
YOU WANT TO KEEP THE ONES YOU HAVE.
WELL, ALL RIGHT. I BETTER BE GOING.
GOOD-BYE, DEAR.
- OKAY. BYE-BYE.
- OH, AND I'LL TELL YOU
ANOTHER GREAT THING ABOUT THESE NEW GLASSES.
THEY LET ME SEE JUST HOW HANDSOME YOU ARE.
- THANKS, MA.
MAYBE I SHOULD GET DEBRA A PAIR.
- AND I LOVE THAT LITTLE TOUCH OF GRAY
YOU'RE GETTING AROUND THE SIDES.
VERY DISTINGUISHED.
- WHAT? - I GOT TO GO.
OH, AND DEBRA, THANK YOU FOR THESE.
I'M GONNA SHOW THESE TO ROBBIE.
OH, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THANKSGIVING TOMORROW.
- ISN'T THAT GREAT?
YOUR MOM CAN SEE.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S LIKE A BLESSING.
- OH, ONE MORE THING.
I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD MAKE
A PUMPKIN BUNDT CAKE TOMORROW.
- OKAY. OKAY, SURE. - YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
SO WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- AND I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- HEY.
HOW'S IT GOING?
- WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?
- NOTHING.
WHAT'S WITH YOUR EYES?
- NEVER MIND.
NO, WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR SIDEBURNS?
- NOTHING.
DID A LITTLE TOUCH-UP. THAT'S ALL.
- TOUCH-UP? WHAT IS--
- NOTHING!
WHY? WHAT? IS IT NOTICEABLE?
- NO, NOT AT ALL,
ELVIS.
- HA HA HA. LOOK AT YOU.
- THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL.
IT'S A HOLIDAY.
- OH, SO WHAT ARE YOU, THE THANKSGIVING DAY HOOKER?
- THIS IS NOT HOOKER, RAY.
THIS IS WHAT WOMEN DO
WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE THE THICKEST EYELASHES.
YOU JUST DON'T ALWAYS SEE ME LIKE THIS
BECAUSE I'M NOT SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THESE THINGS.
- BOY, I'D HATE TO SEE THE EYES OF SOMEBODY WHO DOES CARE.
- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CARES.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR HEAD.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE SO VAIN.
- ME, VAIN?
YOU'RE A RACCOON TALKING TO ME!
- HELLO, EVERYBODY.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
- HEY, AMY. - OH!
- HI, ROBERT.
- HEY, E'RYDUDDY.
WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO HUT THIS CRANDERRY SAUCE?
- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- CRANDERRY SAUCE.
IT'S HANTASTIC!
- "HANTASTIC"?
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I WENT TO THE DENTIST.
SO HOW IS E'RYDUDDY?
CAN'T WAIT HOR THE TURKEY.
- ROBERT.
- WHAT?
- ROBERT HAD A PROCEDURE.
- AMY, COME ON!
- ROBERT, DID YOU HAVE THOSE ANTI-WRINKLE INJECTIONS
PUT IN YOUR FACE?
- TERHATS.
- "TURD HATS"?
- YOUR MOTHER NOTICED A FEW WRINKLES ON HIM,
SO HE GOES TO SOME DOCTOR IN THE YELLOW PAGES
AND PARALYZES HIS FACE.
- IT'S TENTARARY.
- RAY, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?
- NOTHING.
- OH, I KNOW.
NA NUST O' NOTICED SOMETHING ADOUT HIS HAIR...
AND SOMETHING ADOUT HER EYES.
[laughing]
DAT'S HILARIOUS!
[laughing]
- YEAH, HA HA HA.
YOU NEED SOME OIL, TIN MAN?
- WOW.
MARIE'S REALLY NOTICING STUFF, HUH?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS?
- HERE WE ARE. HI, EVERYBODY.
- HEY. HI. HI, MA. HI, DAD.
- YEAH, YEAH.
FOOTBALL.
- AMY.
- MARIE.
- OH, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
- OH.
YEAH. IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
I MUST LOOK MUCH OLDER.
- OH, NONSENSE. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SWEETIE.
BETTER WITH AGE, I SAY.
- OH, THANK YOU. - OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE WOMEN
THAT GETS ALL THAT WORK DONE.
- HI, NA.
- ROBERT?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- SURE.
HAHHY TURKEY DAY!
- TELL HER WHAT YOU DID TO YOURSELF, MORON.
- HY DON'T YOU?
- I DON'T DO ANYTHING.
- TOUCH HIS HAIR, NA! TOUCH HIS HAIR, NA!
- YEAH, BUT LOOK AT HIS FACE!
ALL RIGHT. STOP IT, YOU TWO.
THIS IS A HOLIDAY.
RAYMOND.
YOU LOOK SO NICE.
- THANK YOU.
- IS THIS SHOE POLISH?
- ONLY IF YOU PUT IT ON A SHOE.
THAT'S NOT THE POINT. YOU SAID I LOOKED NICE.
AND I DO.
I LOOK NICE, AND I FEEL NICE.
THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING,
THAT YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.
- I HEEL GREAT ADOUT NYSEL.
- ROBBIE,
STOP TALKING THAT WAY NOW.
IT'S ANNOYING.
- HE CAN'T STOP, MA,
'CAUSE HE PUT INJECTIONS IN HIS FACE.
- WHAT?
- RAYNOND!
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?
WHAT I DO HITH NY HACE IS NY DUSINESS!
- ROBERT! - NO! I'N REALLY TISSED!
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?
- NY?
DECAUSE O' YOU.
YOU'RE THE UN WHO SAID
YOU CAN SEE ALL THE WRINKLES IN NY HACE.
- I LIKE THOSE LINES.
THAT'S CHARACTER.
NOW YOU LOOK LIKE A TOTEM POLE.
- [laughs]
- HERE, LET ME TRANSLATE.
TOTEM TOLE.
- RAYMOND.
DID YOU PUT THAT STUFF IN YOUR HAIR
JUST BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I SAID?
ABOUT HOW I LIKE THE TOUCH OF SILVER ON THE SIDE?
- I DON'T LIKE THE SILVER.
- OH, RAYMOND.
NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU GET,
YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE MY BOY.
AND, DEBRA...
COULD YOU--
OH, MY.
- YOU SAID I HAD SKIMPY EYELASHES.
- OH, HONEY.
I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY THAT.
YOU HAVE SUCH PRETTY EYES.
I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT THAT'S YOUR BEST FEATURE.
HAVEN'T I, FRANK?
- YOU'VE SAID PLENTY.
- BUT I ALSO HAVE TO SAY
THAT I AM SO FLATTERED
THAT JUST BECAUSE I MADE A COUPLE OF LITTLE OBSERVATIONS,
THAT MY KIDS ARE WILLING TO CHANGE THINGS
JUST TO PLEASE ME.
- OR MAYBE IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE THAN TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- REALLY, FRANK?
THAT'S FUNNY COMING FROM YOU,
BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO EITHER.
FRANK?
HEY!
- ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S NOT DO THIS TODAY. IT'S THANKSGIVING.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S THANKSGIVING,
AND I'M THANKFUL FOR FOOTBALL.
GIVE ME THAT REMOTE, LADY!
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
WHAT I NOW NOTICE ABOUT YOU, FRANK?
- OH, BOY.
- YEAH, YEAH. I'M FAT AND BALD.
THE REMOTE.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT LOOKS.
I'M WITH YOU, AREN'T I?
I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT'S INSIDE, FRANK.
- OH, GEEZ.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THE TOTAL LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
THE TOTAL DISREGARD FOR ME AS A HUMAN BEING.
IT'S BEEN THIS WAY FOR 45 YEARS.
I MEAN, GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ME
OR SHOW ME EVEN IN THE SLIGHTEST POSSIBLE WAY
THAT YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR ME AT ALL.
- WELL, THEN, IF I'M SO TERRIBLE,
WHY DO YOU STICK AROUND?
- MAYBE I WON'T.
- OH, YEAH?
- MAYBE I WON'T, FRANK,
NOW THAT I SEE I'M IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE.
- A LOVELESS MARRIAGE?
A LOVELESS MARRIAGE?
- NODUDDY THINKS I LOOK YOUNGER?
- AT LEAST PUT SOME BUTTER ON THAT.
- NO.
- SOME JELLY?
- NO.
- MUSTARD. I GOT BROWN MUSTARD.
- I LIKE IT DRY.
- WELL, HAVE SOME MILK OR SOMETHING,
'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA CHOKE TO DEATH.
- WHAT DO YOU CARE?
- IS THAT WHY YOU BROKE MY NEW GLASSES?
BECAUSE I SAID WE HAVE A LOVELESS MARRIAGE?
- YOU GONNA KEEP SAYING IT?
- IT BOTHERS YOU WHEN I DO, DOESN'T IT?
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
YOU KNOW I JUST GET A LITTLE OVERDRAMATIC SOMETIMES.
BUT LOOK HOW EVERYBODY REACTED
JUST BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I SAID.
IT MADE ME FEEL IMPORTANT.
AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU REACT SO STRONGLY
ABOUT ANYTHING I SAID.
YOU'RE A PIG.
YOU DON'T TALK. YOU DON'T LISTEN.
BUT YOU LOVE ME, FRANK.
FRANK?
- YOU DON'T NEED GLASSES FOR THAT.
- OH, FRANK.
YOU LOVE YOUR LITTLE RUM BALL.
- WE GOT ANY MEAT FOR A SANDWICH?
- YEAH, I GOT HARD SALAMI.
- AND I'LL TAKE SOME JUICE. - OKAY.
AND, OH, I GOT THE BROWN MUSTARD.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I--I THINK MAYBE I'LL JUST WEAR THE GLASSES
FOR READING AND DRIVING LIKE THE DOCTOR SAID.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S THANKSGIVING!
- SO?
EVERYBODY'S OVER THERE--
THE KIDS, AMY--
A-AND DEBRA COOKED ALL THAT FOOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT. WE'LL EAT FIRST.
- OKAY.
SO YOU REALLY THINK MY EYES LOOK OKAY THIS WAY?
WITHOUT ALL THAT STUFF ON THEM?
- ALL RIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOUR EYES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- THAT'S VERY SWEET.
BUT I WANT YOU TO ANSWER THE QUESTION AGAIN
AND BEAR IN MIND THAT I AM WAY TOO TIRED
TO HAVE SEX TONIGHT.
- WHAT DOES THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
I LOVE YOUR EYES.
- NO, I MEAN IT, RAY.
IT'S REALLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
GIVE ME A BREAK. I MEAN, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
YOUR EYES WERE THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WHEN I MET YOU,
SO WHY WOULD I WANT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?
- ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
- I AM.
- GOOD NIGHT, RAY.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WISH I COULD SAY THAT I DON'T LIKE YOUR EYES,
BUT SEX OR NO SEX, YOUR EYES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
SO SWEET DREAMS.
- STILL TRYING?
- YEAH!
COME ON!