1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,633 - NO, NO. LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. 2 00:00:02,633 --> 00:00:04,567 THE PROBLEM, IT'S WITH YOUR SATELLITE. 3 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:06,633 I WAS--I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE, 4 00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:08,567 AND IT WENT OUT FOR 23 MINUTES, 5 00:00:08,567 --> 00:00:10,600 AND NOW I MISSED THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE, 6 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,700 AND THE ENDING, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 7 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,633 LIKE, WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY? 8 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,167 - HI! 9 00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:20,400 - WAIT! 10 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,700 YES, YES. IT'S BACK ON RIGHT NOW. 11 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:23,233 BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. 12 00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:24,300 I-- 13 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,400 OH, LOOK AT THIS. 14 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,000 WHY IS SHE SHOOTING HIM? 15 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,433 THEY WERE IN LOVE! 16 00:00:31,433 --> 00:00:33,067 JUST-- 17 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,067 FORGET ABOUT IT. 18 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,600 MY WHOLE EVENING IS RUINED. 19 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,067 OKAY, THANK YOU. 20 00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:39,533 [groans] BUNCH OF DRUNKS. 21 00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:45,033 - ANOTHER STRESSFUL NIGHT OF WATCHING TV, RAY. 22 00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:46,467 - IT'S NOT FUNNY. 23 00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:49,000 I WAS EMOTIONALLY HOOKED. 24 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,067 - OH, HONEY. 25 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:53,567 - WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT? 26 00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,400 - NOTHING. WE HAD A GREAT NIGHT AT OUR CHURCH MEETING. 27 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,667 IT WAS ALL ABOUT SIGNING UP 28 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,433 FOR DIFFERENT COMMUNITY SERVICES. 29 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,333 - OH, GOD. 30 00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:02,400 - I SIGNED UP FOR A COUPLE OF THINGS. 31 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,067 - OH, OKAY. SO WE'RE COVERED. 32 00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,733 - AND I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE 33 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,467 IF YOU WOULD VOLUNTEER TO HELP SOME PEOPLE IN NEED. 34 00:01:09,467 --> 00:01:12,367 - THAT'S NOT REALLY MY THING. 35 00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:14,200 - YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE IT YOUR THING, 36 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,567 BECAUSE I SIGNED YOU UP TOO. 37 00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:18,367 - WHAT? 38 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:20,233 - YEAH, ONE HOUR A WEEK AT ST. THERESA'S HOSPITAL. 39 00:01:20,233 --> 00:01:23,000 - AN HOUR? 40 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,000 - YES, THIS IS ABOUT GIVING YOUR TIME, 41 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,400 GETTING INVOLVED. 42 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,667 - LOOK, I'LL WRITE 'EM A CHECK. 43 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,700 - NO, RAY, IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY. 44 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:32,733 - OH, NO? 45 00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:34,533 LISTEN, MONEY TALKS, 46 00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:37,333 AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT WALKS, OKAY? 47 00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:40,567 BELIEVE ME, THEY'LL BE VERY HAPPY WITH MY $20. 48 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,433 - ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 49 00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:44,333 JUST FORGET IT. 50 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,667 - YOU SEE? THIS IS WHAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT CHARITIES. 51 00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:51,000 IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY. 52 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,700 - WHAT? WHAT DID I DO? 53 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,400 I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. 54 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,167 I ASKED YOU TO VOLUNTEER FOR SOMETHING. 55 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:57,200 YOU REFUSED. 56 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,600 YOUR GUILT IS YOUR OWN. 57 00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:05,200 - YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK IT. 58 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,733 - LOOK, RAY, 59 00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:09,467 ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT I JUST REALLY LOVE 60 00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,367 THE CHARITIES THAT I'M INVOLVED WITH, 61 00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:13,367 AND I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE A LOT, 62 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,533 AND I REALLY ENJOY GIVING SOMETHING BACK. 63 00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:18,233 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO. 64 00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:21,333 - NO, THEY DON'T! 65 00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:22,667 - ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 66 00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,467 I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU. 67 00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,200 IF YOU DON'T WANT TO VOLUNTEER AT THE HOSPITAL, 68 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,667 YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 69 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:31,167 THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND HIM. 70 00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,433 - OH, YOU ARE SHAMELESS! 71 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,633 DON'T-- 72 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,300 DON'T BRING HIM INTO IT, OKAY? 73 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:45,000 THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK WITH ME. 74 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,033 [scoffs] 75 00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:50,067 TAKE IT BACK! 76 00:03:09,467 --> 00:03:10,767 HI. 77 00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:14,633 HI, UH, I'M HERE TO VOLUNTEER. 78 00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:16,667 - OH, ARE YOU WITH THE CHURCH PROGRAM? 79 00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:18,400 - YEAH. YEAH, RAY BARONE. 80 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,767 I SIGNED UP 'CAUSE... 81 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:23,433 THAT'S WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT. 82 00:03:23,433 --> 00:03:25,567 - GREAT. IF YOU'LL JUST SIGN THESE PAPERS. 83 00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:28,967 - HERE'S SOME TYPE "O" FOR THE FRIDGE. 84 00:03:40,667 --> 00:03:43,200 - SIR? SIR, YOU OKAY? 85 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,367 - YES, I'M OKAY. I'M ALL RIGHT. 86 00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,433 I'M FINE. 87 00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:48,333 - WHAT'S WITH HIM? 88 00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:51,067 - HE'S HERE TO HELP OUT. 89 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,400 - OHH. 90 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,667 - LET'S PUT THESE THINGS AWAY. 91 00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:57,967 - OKAY. 92 00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:02,567 - HERE, SIT DOWN. 93 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,700 TAKE A BREATH. 94 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,767 BREATHE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH. 95 00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:12,533 - YOU SURE YOU WANT TO VOLUNTEER IN A HOSPITAL? 96 00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,500 - YEAH, I'M FINE. 97 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,567 OHH. 98 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,533 I'M OKAY. 99 00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:20,400 - HEY, ARE YOU RAY BARONE, THE SPORTSWRITER? 100 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,000 - YEAH, YEAH. 101 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,133 - AND YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BLOOD BEFORE? 102 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,467 - SURE. JUST NOT "TO GO." 103 00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:34,700 LOOK, UH... 104 00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,633 I'M ALL RIGHT, THOUGH, NOW. 105 00:04:36,633 --> 00:04:38,500 - ARE YOU SURE? - YEAH, NO. 106 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,533 I'M TOTALLY FINE, AND I WANT TO VOLUNTEER, 107 00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:43,200 SO... SO, UH, WHAT DO I DO? 108 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,467 - YOU KNOW MRS. GORMAN IN 408? 109 00:04:45,467 --> 00:04:47,167 MAYBE HE COULD HELP OUT WITH HER. 110 00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:50,200 - I THINK SHE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO FALL DOWN. 111 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,333 - NO, SHE LIKES BASEBALL. 112 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,733 HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT SPORTS, 113 00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:56,067 CHEER HER UP, 114 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,533 GET HER TO TAKE HER PILLS. 115 00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:59,633 SHE'S KIND OF A LONELY OLD LADY. 116 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,367 YOU WANT TO TRY IT? 117 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,167 - YEAH, OKAY. SURE. 118 00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:07,000 SO JUST TALK TO HER AND TELL HER TO TAKE HER PILLS? 119 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,567 - YEAH. 120 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:12,467 - OKAY. 121 00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:13,600 RIGHT IN THERE? 122 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,567 - YEAH. 123 00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:19,500 - OKAY. 124 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:22,533 SHE'S NOT BLEEDING, IS SHE? 125 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,500 - WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WRITE A CHECK? 126 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,000 [clears throat] 127 00:05:57,133 --> 00:06:00,433 - IF YOU THE ANGEL OF DEATH, I'M READY. 128 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:06,500 - NO. NO. 129 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,667 NO, NO. I'M NOT THE ANGEL OF DEATH. 130 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,233 - THEN YOU COULD USE A MINT. 131 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:20,000 - SORRY. I'M SORRY. 132 00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:26,400 I'M RAY. I'M HELPING OUT HERE TODAY. 133 00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:32,533 SO I HEAR YOU LIKE BASEBALL. 134 00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:35,167 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 135 00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:37,000 - I'M RAY BARONE. 136 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,633 I'M A SPORTSWRITER FOR NEW YORK NEWSDAY. 137 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:42,167 - OH, YEAH? CAN YOU FIX A RADIO? 138 00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,333 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 139 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:46,433 - WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS 140 00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:50,000 WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS THEY NEED THEIR RADIO FIXED? 141 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,600 - NO, I'VE COME HERE TO JUST TALK TO YOU-- 142 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,400 YOU KNOW, CHEER YOU UP. 143 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,967 - THEY FINALLY SEND A MAN IN HERE, AND IT'S YOU. 144 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,367 - ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, MRS. GORMAN, 145 00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,733 I WAS JUST SEEING IF 146 00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:08,733 MAYBE I COULD GET YOU TO TAKE YOUR PILLS. 147 00:07:08,733 --> 00:07:11,467 - FIX MY RADIO, I'LL TAKE A PILL. 148 00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,600 - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX A RADIO. 149 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,667 - THEN YOU'VE USED UP WHAT'S LEFT OF MY LIFE 150 00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,600 FOR NOTHING. 151 00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:24,267 - OKAY, THEN. 152 00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:28,033 WELL, NICE TALKING TO YOU, MA'AM. 153 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,067 - YOU SIT IN THE PRESS BOX? 154 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:35,067 - WHAT, AT THE GAME? YEAH. 155 00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:38,467 - I'VE NEVER SAT IN A PRESS BOX BEFORE. 156 00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:45,433 - WELL, UM, IF YOU WANT TO SIT IN A PRESS BOX, 157 00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,733 YOU'VE GOT TO GET BETTER. 158 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:50,567 AND IF YOU WANT TO GET BETTER... 159 00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:53,033 YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE YOUR PILLS. 160 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:58,267 - OH, YOU TRICKY, TRICKY WHITE BOY. 161 00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:09,367 - OKAY, GOT YOUR NEW PLUNGER. 162 00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,700 - OH, THANKS, ROBERT. 163 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,533 MICHAEL FLUSHED AN ACTION FIGURE. 164 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,567 - WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING THAT KID? 165 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,567 SO WHERE'S RAY? 166 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,533 - AT THE HOSPITAL AGAIN. 167 00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:23,733 HE'S UP TO THREE NIGHTS A WEEK. HE'S A BIG HIT THERE. 168 00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:26,633 I GUESS 'CAUSE HE WRITES FOR NEWSDAY, HE'S A CELEBRITY. 169 00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:29,233 - YEAH? WHAT IS IT, A MENTAL HOSPITAL? 170 00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,067 - NO, YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE. 171 00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,500 IT'S JUST THAT HE'S GONE ALL THE TIME. 172 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,067 - SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, YOU MISS HIM? 173 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:40,300 - YEAH, WHEN I NEED THE TOILET PLUNGED. 174 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:43,000 - DID RAYMOND GET BACK YET? I'VE GOT RAVIOLI. 175 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,067 - AND I'VE GOT MY STRETCHY PANTS ON. 176 00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:50,267 - MARIE, WHY DID YOU MAKE RAVIOLI? 177 00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:52,267 I WAS GOING TO COOK. 178 00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:54,333 - OH, I JUST THOUGHT RAYMOND SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING NICE. 179 00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:59,467 RAYMOND'S DOING SUCH GOOD THINGS AT THE HOSPITAL. 180 00:08:59,467 --> 00:09:01,500 LEE'S NEPHEW NEEDED A CAST, 181 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,767 AND RAYMOND CHEERED HIM UP 182 00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:06,633 BY BLOWING UP A SURGICAL GLOVE. 183 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,700 CAN YOU IMAGINE? 184 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:12,067 - HE'S A GENIUS! 185 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,000 - HEY. 186 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,633 - HI, RAYMOND. - HOW'S IT GOING? 187 00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:19,567 - HE'S HERE. LET'S EAT. 188 00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,233 - RAYMOND, 189 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:24,367 LEE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR WONDERFUL GLOVE TRICK. 190 00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:27,500 - YEAH, I'M A TRICKY, TRICKY WHITE BOY. 191 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:35,033 HEY, LOOK WHAT THEY GAVE ME. 192 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,167 - "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL"? 193 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,133 - THAT'S RIGHT. I CAN GO ANYWHERE. 194 00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:41,200 AND IF I'M EXPOSED TO RADIATION, 195 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,733 THIS CHANGES COLOR. 196 00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:44,233 - OHH! 197 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,533 - YOU KNOW, I MAKE SOME OF THE ROUNDS 198 00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:48,033 WITH SOME OF THE NURSES. 199 00:09:48,033 --> 00:09:50,000 I GIVE THEM A FEW HUMOROUS ANECDOTES. 200 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,367 THEY EVEN SAID 201 00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:53,000 I COULD ENTERTAIN IN THE GERIATRIC WARD. 202 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,267 - YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A DOCTOR! 203 00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:58,267 - YEAH, MA, YOU CAN EITHER GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL 204 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:01,067 OR BLOW UP A GLOVE. 205 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,467 - TURNS OUT I'VE GOT 206 00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:04,333 KIND OF A TOUCH WITH THE PATIENTS, YOU KNOW? 207 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,733 I'VE HAD A LOT OF PRACTICE 208 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:07,533 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES. 209 00:10:07,533 --> 00:10:10,567 - YES, HE HAS. 210 00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:13,000 - I ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU, RAYMOND, 211 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,467 AND HERE IT IS. 212 00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:18,333 YOU'VE BLOSSOMED INTO A HUMANITARIAN. 213 00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:21,667 - WOW. GLAD I BROUGHT THIS. 214 00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:26,267 - HEY, RAY, THE NEXT TIME YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL, 215 00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:28,400 GET ME SOME OF THOSE EXTRA-LONG Q-TIPS, 216 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,733 THE KIND YOU CAN REALLY CRANK ON. 217 00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:34,000 - I'M GONNA GET YOU SOMETHING TO EAT, DEAR. 218 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,733 IT'S TIME SOMEBODY DID SOMETHING FOR YOU. 219 00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:38,233 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 220 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:40,700 I SERVE THE PUBLIC TOO, YOU KNOW, MA. 221 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:43,300 - DON'T BRAG, ROBBIE. IT'S NOT BECOMING. 222 00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:48,000 - WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK THERE? - THURSDAY. 223 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,767 - RAY, THURSDAY? 224 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:52,667 - YEAH, THEY WANT ME TO DO A SPORTS TALK. 225 00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:55,467 - BUT THURSDAY I DO MY THING AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER. 226 00:10:55,467 --> 00:10:57,700 - OH. WELL, MA, CAN YOU BABYSIT? 227 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,500 - I'D LOVE TO, DEAR, BUT I HAVE MY FOLK DANCING. 228 00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:05,467 - WELL, I GOT AN IDEA. 229 00:11:05,467 --> 00:11:07,133 WHY DON'T YOU DO YOUR THING ON ANOTHER NIGHT? 230 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,433 - BECAUSE I'VE MADE A COMMITMENT. 231 00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:10,333 - YEAH, BUT THIS IS FOR THE HOSPITAL. 232 00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,767 - RIGHT, AND MY THING IS FOR THE HOMELESS. 233 00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:16,200 - I'M HELPING SICK PEOPLE. 234 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,567 - ARE YOU SAYING YOUR CHARITY'S BETTER THAN MINE? 235 00:11:18,567 --> 00:11:22,533 - OH, YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING! 236 00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:25,133 DEBRA IS THE REAL HUMANITARIAN IN THIS FAMILY, 237 00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:26,433 AND EVERYBODY KNOWS 238 00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:29,033 THAT HOMELESS KICKS HOSPITAL BUTT! 239 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,567 - BUT RAYMOND'S DOING VERY IMPORTANT WORK. 240 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,233 - BUT DEBORAH'S BEEN DOING HER CHARITY STUFF 241 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:36,667 FOR A LONG TIME. 242 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:39,033 RAYMOND'S JUST A GOOD-DOER-COME-LATELY. 243 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,333 - LISTEN, ROBERT, HE SHOULD GO. 244 00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:44,200 I'M THE ONE THAT WANTED HIM TO DO THIS, 245 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,300 AND I'M GLAD HE GOT INVOLVED, SO GO AHEAD, RAY. 246 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,033 - REALLY? YEAH? 247 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:52,033 - THE HOSPITAL WINS! 248 00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:54,300 AND WHO KNOWS HOW MANY SPIRITS WILL BE LIFTED 249 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,233 JUST BECAUSE MY SON WAS THERE? 250 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,133 YOU ARE A SON... 251 00:12:01,133 --> 00:12:04,100 [emotionally] WHO TRULY SHINES! 252 00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,600 - [with feigned emotion] AND SO IT IS MY HONOR 253 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,267 TO PRESENT YOU WITH THIS AWARD. 254 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,367 - HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 255 00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:24,933 - YOU CAN COME IN. THERE'S NO BLOOD. 256 00:12:26,033 --> 00:12:27,633 - GOOD. GOOD. 257 00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:29,267 HEY. 258 00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:31,067 I THOUGHT I'D SEE WHO'S IN THE LOUNGE 259 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,767 AND MAYBE GIVE A LITTLE TALK ABOUT BASEBALL. 260 00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,467 - OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, 261 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,533 WE ALREADY HAVE SOME ENTERTAINMENT FOR TONIGHT. 262 00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:42,100 - NOW, NOW, TRAFFIC COP TIMMY. 263 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,200 [chuckles] 264 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,667 THE FOOD AT THE HOSPITAL ISN'T THAT BAD. 265 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,433 - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S FIT FOR A KING. 266 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,233 HERE, KING! COME ON, BOY! 267 00:12:51,233 --> 00:12:53,100 HERE, BOY! WHERE ARE YOU? 268 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,633 - ALL RIGHT, TIMMY. 269 00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:56,467 [laughter] 270 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,000 - NOW, TIMMY, THAT'S A LITTLE RUDE. 271 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,333 THESE KIND PEOPLE DIDN'T COME HERE TO GET INSULTED. 272 00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:09,767 - THEN MAYBE THEY SHOULD CLOSE THEIR ROBES. 273 00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:13,733 [laughter] 274 00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:15,600 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 275 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,400 - NOW, TIMMY, IT WON'T DO TO HAVE YOU TALK LIKE THAT 276 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,733 WHILE YOU'RE ON DUTY, 277 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,033 SO LET ME REMOVE YOUR BADGE. 278 00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:24,367 - GENTLE. IT'S NAILED ON. 279 00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:27,333 I HOPE THE DOCTORS HERE HAVE SOME WOOD GLUE. 280 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,267 [laughter] 281 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,100 - THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. IT'S NOT A WOOD PUPPET. 282 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,300 - SHH! 283 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,367 - ALL RIGHT. NOW I CAN LOOSEN UP. 284 00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:37,100 HELLO, DOLL FACE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 285 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:41,033 - MARGARET. 286 00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,700 - YOU'RE A REAL LOOKER. 287 00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,300 MAYBE IF YOU BREAK YOUR HIP, I CAN BE YOUR SPLINT. 288 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:46,767 HA-CHA-CHA-CHA! 289 00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:49,133 - EASY, TIMMY! I'M SORRY. 290 00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:52,600 - HE'S NOT WOOD. HE'S MADE OF PLASTIC. 291 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,200 - HEY, FOLKS, WHAT DO YOU THINK 292 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,167 THIS GUY'S DOING IN THE HOSPITAL, HUH? 293 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,300 PROBABLY DROPPED IN 294 00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,133 FOR AN EMERGENCY NOSE REDUCTION. 295 00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:05,100 [laughter] 296 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,767 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 297 00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:10,000 MY COUSIN PINOCCHIO! 298 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,267 [laughter] 299 00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:15,267 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! GREAT SHOW! 300 00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:17,067 OFFICER BARONE AND HIS PLASTIC PUPPET, 301 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,500 EVERYBODY. 302 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,300 YEAH, OKAY. THANK YOU FOR FILLING IN. 303 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,233 ALL RIGHT, HEY. 304 00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,767 WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FUNNY? 305 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:27,033 I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS. 306 00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:30,500 HEY, IT'S A BALLOON! 307 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:34,133 WHOOP--IT'S A TURKEY! GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE! 308 00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:38,433 HEY, HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M MILKING MYSELF. 309 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:44,667 - BOO! 310 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:48,233 - YES, MADAM, I AGREE WITH YOU. 311 00:14:48,233 --> 00:14:51,367 THIS GUY'S ACT IS A "DO NOT RESUSCITATE." 312 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:52,700 [laughter] 313 00:14:58,467 --> 00:15:00,333 SO WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO 314 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,233 TO GET A SPONGE BATH AROUND HERE? 315 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,267 THANK YOU. YOU'VE BEEN GREAT. 316 00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,667 REMEMBER TO TIP YOUR NURSES. 317 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,267 [kids squealing] 318 00:15:11,267 --> 00:15:13,333 - IF YOU THREE DON'T GO TO BED RIGHT NOW, 319 00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:15,700 I'M...JUST... 320 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,667 OH, WHO CARES? 321 00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:24,000 - YOU KNOW WHAT ROBERT IS? 322 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,367 HE'S A COMPETITIVE, SELFISH, 323 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:27,400 LITTLE, TINY, PEA-BRAINED GIANT, 324 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,733 AND A HACK! 325 00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:31,300 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 326 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,133 - HE WAITED TILL THERE WAS AN OPENING, 327 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,367 THEN SNUCK INTO THE HOSPITAL TO STEAL MY THUNDER. 328 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,067 - WHY WAS ROBERT AT THE HOSPITAL? 329 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,667 - TO STEAL MY THUNDER! 330 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,400 HE--HE COMES IN THERE 331 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,233 WITH HIS IDIOTIC LITTLE TIMMY DOLL 332 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,133 AND HIS LAME JOKES 333 00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:46,600 AND HIS LIPS MOVING ALL AROUND. 334 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,667 [mocking Robert] RAYMOND, WHAT, ARE YOU HERE FOR, 335 00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:51,100 YOUR EMERGENCY NOSE REDUCTION? 336 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:55,300 - [laughing] TIMMY SAID THAT TO YOU? 337 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,333 - IT'S NOT FUNNY. IT'S STUPID. 338 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,633 AND THEY WERE ALL LAUGHING AT IT, ALL OF THEM-- 339 00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,500 THE NURSES, THE PATIENTS-- 340 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,467 LIKE THE FUNNIEST THING THEY EVER HEARD. 341 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,267 IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT, THEY CAN HAVE IT. 342 00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,333 I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT PLACE. 343 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:11,100 SAINT STUPID, STUPID HOSPITAL FOR THE INCURABLY STUPID. 344 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:14,767 - SO YOU'RE QUITTING? 345 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:16,067 - YES. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. 346 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,700 THAT'S RIGHT. 347 00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:22,400 I QUIT. 348 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,633 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GO BACK, 349 00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:25,733 THEN YOU SHOULDN'T GO. 350 00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:28,033 WELL, I DON'T, SO I WON'T! 351 00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:30,567 HE DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER 352 00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,633 TO DRESS THE DUMMY UP LIKE A DOCTOR OR A NURSE. 353 00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:34,500 HE'S SUCH A HACK! 354 00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:38,633 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 355 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,433 YOU PUT IN SO MUCH TIME OVER THERE. 356 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,300 YOU SHOULD JUST STAY HERE, WHERE YOU'RE APPRECIATED. 357 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,767 - DAMN STRAIGHT! 358 00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:47,767 - AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD APPRECIATE? 359 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,633 THE KIDS ARE STILL RUNNING AROUND UPSTAIRS. 360 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:52,667 COULD YOU GO AND TIE THEM TO THEIR BEDS? 361 00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:55,233 - YEAH. YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 362 00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:57,367 - OH, AND TOMORROW NIGHT, IF IT'S OKAY, 363 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,533 AMY ASKED ME TO GO OUT TO DINNER AND A MOVIE. 364 00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:03,667 - SO YOU'RE ALL RIGHT WITH ME QUITTING THIS CHARITY THING? 365 00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:06,967 - HEY, CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME. 366 00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:11,300 - YEAH, BUT I WAS HELPING PEOPLE, YOU KNOW? 367 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:14,000 I SHOULDN'T LET ROBERT SPOIL THAT FOR EVERYBODY. 368 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,567 WHAT I WAS DOING IN THE HOSPITAL, 369 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,600 IT'S IMPORTANT, AND I WAS GOOD AT IT. 370 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,533 - YEAH. BUT YOU'RE QUITTING, RIGHT? 371 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:22,067 - WHEN I GO IN THERE TO VOLUNTEER, 372 00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:24,000 YOU SHOULD SEE HOW HAPPY EVERYBODY IS TO SEE ME-- 373 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,467 EVERYBODY: THE NURSES, THE PATIENTS. 374 00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:28,400 YOU KNOW THEY ALL GIVE ME STUFF? 375 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,633 EVEN THE SICK PEOPLE, 376 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,200 WHEN THEY GET THEIR GIFT BASKETS 377 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,033 FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO VISIT THEM, 378 00:17:33,033 --> 00:17:35,333 THERE'S ALWAYS A COOKIE OR A BROWNIE 379 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,167 OR A NICE PIECE OF FRUIT FOR ME. 380 00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,633 YOU KNOW, THE CAFETERIA STAFF, 381 00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:41,233 THEY'RE ALWAYS BRINGING ME JELL-O. 382 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:42,667 AND YOU KNOW THAT PIMPLE ON THE BACK OF MY NECK 383 00:17:42,667 --> 00:17:44,700 THAT WON'T GO AWAY? 384 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:48,033 DOCTOR'S GONNA GIVE ME A CREAM FOR THAT FOR FREE! 385 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:49,667 - OH, MY GOD! 386 00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:51,067 - I KNOW! IT'S AMAZING, RIGHT? 387 00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:53,733 - NO! 388 00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:55,233 YOU'RE NOT THERE FOR THEM. 389 00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:56,700 YOU'RE THERE FOR YOU! 390 00:17:56,700 --> 00:18:00,167 YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS. 391 00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:01,433 - I'M DOING IT FOR YOUR REASONS. 392 00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:02,767 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SIGNED ME UP. 393 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,567 - I SIGNED YOU UP TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE, 394 00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:08,200 NOT TO HELP YOURSELF TO FREE FRUIT AND PIMPLE CREAM. 395 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,633 - HEY, GUYS. - OH, LOOK WHO IT IS. 396 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,200 WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND? 397 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,233 - RAYMOND, LOOK, I'M SORRY 398 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,000 WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT AT THE HOSPITAL. 399 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,467 IT'S JUST THAT TIMMY GETS ON A ROLL, 400 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,333 AND IT'S KIND OF HARD TO STOP HIM. 401 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:32,733 LOOK. HERE. 402 00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,300 I BROUGHT YOU A PINEAPPLE. 403 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,300 MRS. DEETS CAN'T TAKE ALL THE ACIDITY. 404 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,733 - I DON'T WANT YOUR PINEAPPLE. 405 00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:42,300 I WAS FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF 406 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,067 UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP WITH YOUR LITTLE EVIL PLAN 407 00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,200 TO TAKE AWAY MY GIFT OF GIVING. 408 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,400 - EVIL PLAN? - THAT'S RIGHT! 409 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,433 - THERE WAS NO PLAN. 410 00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:52,700 DEBRA JUST SUGGESTED 411 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,133 I GO OVER THERE WITH TRAFFIC COP TIMMY 412 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,533 AND SPREAD A LITTLE CHEER. 413 00:18:57,533 --> 00:18:59,633 - ROBERT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE RAY ALONE. 414 00:18:59,633 --> 00:19:01,300 - WAIT A MINUTE. 415 00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:06,400 WAIT A MINUTE. "DEBRA SUGGESTED"? 416 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,667 YOU SENT HIM IN THERE? 417 00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:12,167 - RAY... 418 00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:13,233 I JUST... 419 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:16,433 COME ON! 420 00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:21,333 - OH, OH, OHH! 421 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:26,633 DIRTY LAUNDRY IS COMING HOME TO ROOST! 422 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,167 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 423 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,667 - YOU WANTED HIM TO TAKE MY PLACE, RIGHT, 424 00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,133 SO I COULD STAY HOME 425 00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,067 AND YOU COULD PRETTY YOURSELF UP 426 00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:34,567 AND GO OUT ON THE TOWN 427 00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:36,400 WITH YOUR FACE PAINTED AND YOUR GEWGAWS! 428 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,133 YEAH. 429 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,767 YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OLD OR THE SICK. 430 00:19:39,767 --> 00:19:42,000 YOU DON'T CARE THAT THEIR ENTERTAINMENT NOW 431 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,600 IS A LARGE MAN WITH HIS HAND 432 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,300 UP THE BEHIND OF A SMALL PLASTIC MAN! 433 00:19:54,033 --> 00:19:55,733 - RAY, YOU WERE SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME THERE. 434 00:19:55,733 --> 00:19:56,767 YOU WERE NEVER HERE. 435 00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:58,433 - I WAS DOING CHARITY, 436 00:19:58,433 --> 00:20:00,033 AND BECAUSE IT WASN'T CONVENIENT FOR YOU, 437 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,433 YOU WANTED ME TO STOP. 438 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,733 - RAY, ALL I DID-- - BHUP BHUP BHUP BHUP! 439 00:20:04,733 --> 00:20:08,067 I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO ME. 440 00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:11,433 I THINK YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO... 441 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,633 - BUT I-- - BHUP! 442 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,067 - ROBERT, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT? 443 00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:40,333 - IS THAT WHY YOU REALLY WANTED ME 444 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:42,133 TO ENTERTAIN AT THE HOSPITAL? 445 00:20:42,133 --> 00:20:44,633 YOU SAID I SHOULD GO THERE BECAUSE I WAS A... 446 00:20:44,633 --> 00:20:47,000 GREAT VENTRILOQUIST. 447 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:53,000 - YOU ARE, ROBERT. 448 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,400 - [gasps] 449 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,700 DEBRA! 450 00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,733 - OH, ROBERT, LOOK, I'M SORRY. 451 00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:02,100 - NO, NO. IT'S OKAY. 452 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,133 YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. 453 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,200 - BUT, ROBERT, I-- 454 00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:18,200 - AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, 455 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,400 I GOT LAUGHS. 456 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,233 I GOT REAL LAUGHS. 457 00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:24,167 I TORE THE ROOF OFF THE SUCKER. 458 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,133 - [singing] WHEN YOU'RE SMILING 459 00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:36,100 WHEN YOU'RE SMILING 460 00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,133 THE WHOLE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU 461 00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:40,200 COME ON, EVERYBODY! 462 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,400 WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHING 463 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,367 WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHING 464 00:21:43,367 --> 00:21:46,167 THE SUN COMES SHINING THROUGH 465 00:21:46,167 --> 00:21:48,033 - WHERE'S TIMMY? 466 00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:50,367 - [singing] BRING ON THE RAIN 467 00:21:50,367 --> 00:21:52,300 SO STOP YOUR SIGHING 468 00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,167 BE HAPPY AGAIN 469 00:21:54,167 --> 00:21:55,567 WHEN YOU'RE SMI-- 470 00:21:55,567 --> 00:21:57,233 HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?