- I AM IMPRESSED. YOU GUYS ARE SO MANLY.
- [grunts] SOMEBODY HELP. I THINK I BROKE A NAIL.
- OH! THIS BURN,
IT'S AWESOME. OOH.
- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHERE I WAS THINKING WE COULD PUT THIS?
- HOW ABOUT RIGHT HERE?
- GOOD.
- THANKS SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS, YOU GUYS.
AND YOU BOTH KNOW IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING MOVED,
YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL ROBERT.
- IT'S GOOD TO BE MARRIED, ISN'T IT?
- AND PETER, COMING ALL THE WAY FROM PENNSYLVANIA
JUST TO HELP US MOVE A COUCH.
- HEY, ANY DAY OUT OF MOM AND DAD'S HOUSE
IS A GOOD DAY.
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
EVERYONE ON THE BUS REALLY LOVED MY HARMONICA.
THEY CLAPPED WHEN I GOT OFF.
YOU GUYS WANT TO HEAR A TUNE?
- I REALLY GOT TO GO.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SHOULD PROBABLY GET DOWN TO THE BUS STATION TOO.
- PETER, DON'T BE SILLY.
WE SHOULD ALL SIT AND HAVE DINNER AND RELAX.
COME ON, RAY, YOU TOO.
- YEAH, RAY. I'LL STAY IF RAY STAYS.
THEN IT'S A PARTY.
- GOT TO GO.
- HOW ABOUT THAT? RAY HAD TO GO.
- AW. I'LL STAY ANYWAY.
- GREAT!
I'LL GO GET DINNER STARTED.
- [plays harmonica]
[playing harmonica amateurishly]
[singing] SLOW RIDE
AH, AH, AH-AH, AH-AH
YOU TAKE IT EASY
ER, AH, AH-AH, ER-AH
WELL, SHE'S A SLOW RIDE
AH, AH, AH-AH
YOU TAKE IT--
[laughs] WELL!
GOOD MORNING THERE, BROTHER MAN.
- [flat] HEY.
- WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER AND HAVE A SEAT?
YOU KNOW, I FIGURED,
SINCE I MADE RASPBERRY WAFFLES YESTERDAY,
THAT WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO LOW-CARB, OFFICER BELLY.
OH, SO, DID YOU SLEEP ALL RIGHT?
- NOT ESPECIALLY.
- I WAS OUT LIKE A PUPPY IN A PICKUP TRUCK.
I GOT TO TELL YOU,
THAT SOFA IS MORE COMFORTABLE THAN MY OWN BED.
- MOTHER OF GOD.
- HEY, SIS.
- GOOD MORNING, BOYS.
- CHOW TIME.
- OH! LOOK HOW NICE THIS IS.
- HMM.
- WOW, THIS IS GREAT.
- THANKS SO MUCH, PETER.
- HEY, COME ON. IT'S WHAT I DO.
SO ENJOY. [chuckles]
[singing] SLOW RIDE
DEE DEE DEE-DEE, DEE-BOO
DEE, DEE...
- MMM! THIS IS DELICIOUS.
- SO...PETER...
DAY THREE.
- YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES?
HE USES FRESH SCALLIONS IN THE EGGS.
- YEAH.
DID YOU--DID YOU NOTICE HE WAS WEARING MY SHIRT?
I GUESS HE JUST WENT INTO THE DRAWER
AND HELPED HIMSELF.
- ACTUALLY, I GAVE IT TO HIM.
- AH!
- HE NEEDS SOMETHING TO WEAR WHILE HE RINSES OUT HIS CLOTHES.
HE ONLY HAD THE ONE OUTFIT.
- YEAH.
I NOTICED HIS UNDERWEAR HANGING ON THE DOORKNOB,
WHICH REMINDS ME, IF YOU GO OUT TODAY,
PICK UP A NEW DOORKNOB.
- OOH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I ALSO GAVE HIM A PAIR OF YOUR BRIEFS.
I HAD TO PIN THEM.
- AMY...UM...
MAYBE IT'S JUST ME,
BUT ALL YOU DID WAS ASK HIM TO DINNER,
AND NOW HE'S LIVING ON OUR COUCH.
- OH, ROBERT,
HE'S BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE AND HELPFUL
SINCE HE GOT HERE.
- I'M SORRY. HONEY...
I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.
- [sobbing]
OKAY. WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME--COME ON. AMY, STOP CRYING.
PLEASE DON'T CRY.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN YOU--
LOOK! FRUIT!
NO...YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S MY FAULT.
I KNOW YOU NEVER LIKED PETER. I NEVER SHOULD'VE LET HIM STAY.
BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D GET TO KNOW HIM,
'CAUSE HE'S REALLY VERY SWEET.
- NO, NO. I KNOW,
BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
HE'S A LITTLE...
- NO...I KNOW.
WE ALL KNOW.
- THEN WHY DO WE NEED HIM HERE?
- BECAUSE HE'S MY BROTHER.
YOU KNOW, ROBERT,
I MAKE AN EFFORT WITH YOUR FAMILY.
I TRY... BECAUSE THEY'RE A LITTLE...
TOO!
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
OKAY, STOP CRYING, STOP CRYING, COME ON.
- HEY! HOW ARE THE VITTLES?
TAKING CARE OF THE OLD RUMBLY IN THE TUMBLY?
- SO, PETER...
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO MOM AND DAD?
- YEAH. I CALLED THEM YESTERDAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I TOLD THEM?
I TOLD THEM HOW MUCH I LOVE IT HERE.
AND THEY GO, "WELL, WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?"
AND I GO, "I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.
NEW YORK IS MY LADY."
- THAT'S GREAT, PETER.
WHAT DID THEY SAY?
- THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THEY'RE SO WRAPPED UP IN THEIR LITTLE
PURITANICAL PENNSYLVANIAN SNOW GLOBE OF A WORLD.
I MEAN, THIS REALLY SHOOK 'EM UP, MAN.
- THAT'S GREAT, MAN.
- HEY, LISTEN, GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE DONE EATING,
JUST PUT THE PLATES IN THE SINK, AND I'LL GET TO THEM LATER.
RIGHT NOW THERE'S A MUDPACK WITH MY NAME ON IT!
[doorbell rings]
- HEY! - HEY!
- HI! - HEY.
- IS THAT RAY?
HI, RAY! HI, DEBBIE.
- HI, PETER.
SO YOU'RE BACK IN TOWN AGAIN?
- NO, NO, NOT AGAIN. STILL.
- SO...BETTER GET GOING
IF WE WANT TO EAT BEFORE THE MOVIE, RIGHT?
- ALL RIGHT! WE COULD USE A NIGHT OUT!
- I-I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T CLEAR ON THE ARRANGEMENTS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GOING TO BE THE FOUR OF US.
- OH, WELL...COULDN'T IT BE THE FIVE OF US?
- WELL, SURE.
BUT IS THAT REALLY FAIR TO RAY AND DEBRA?
- [scoffs]
DO YOU GUYS MIND?
- WHATEVER YOU WANT. - SURE, THAT'D BE FINE.
- YEAH, YEAH. YOU CAN GO.
- SO I GUESS YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.
- NO, PETER. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
- SEEMS LIKE YOU DO.
SEEMS LIKE YOU DO HAVE A PROBLEM.
- ROBERT, PETER, PLEASE.
- OH, NO, AMY, I CAN HANDLE THIS GUY.
- ARE YOU GONNA HANDLE ME NOW?
- ANYBODY ELSE HUNGRY, HUH? COME ON, LET'S GO.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING? AMY WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT NICE, YOU'RE NOT SENSITIVE,
AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE,
YOU'RE NOT A GRACIOUS HOST.
- GET OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR!
- ALL RIGHT. YOU WANT IT, YOU HAVE IT.
- HEY, HEY! - NO, NO!
[overlapping arguing]
- HEY!
EVERYBODY, STAY IN THE UNDERWEAR THAT BRUNG YA!
- I'M SORRY, AMY, BUT I'VE HAD IT WITH HIM!
- ROBERT! - NO!
WE'RE NEVER ALONE ANYMORE.
I MEAN YOU AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN...FRIENDLY
SINCE HE GOT HERE.
- ROBERT! - I'M SORRY.
I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING? ENJOY YOUR MOVIE.
I'M OUT OF HERE. I'M GOING BACK TO MOM AND DAD'S.
- FINALLY. - PETER, WAIT.
- NO. I'M WALKING TO THE BUS STATION.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE
TO GET A BUS HOME TONIGHT.
- THEN I'LL SLEEP THERE OVERNIGHT.
NOBODY JUDGES YOU ON THE FLOOR OF THE BUS STATION.
- YOU CAN'T SLEEP DOWN THERE!
ROBERT, PLEASE, DO SOMETHING!
- ALL RIGHT!
I'LL DRIVE HIM BACK TO PENNSYLVANIA.
- OH, YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I NEED--
YOU, ME, AND NO WITNESSES.
- WELL, WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU SLEEP AT THE BUS STATION.
- [mumbling] AGH!
- WELL, I'M NOT STAYING HERE.
- THEN AT LEAST LET ME DRIVE YOU BACK.
- NO, AMY, YOU ARE NOT DRIVING
ALL THE WAY TO PENNSYLVANIA TONIGHT!
YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE AND BE MY FRIEND!
- MAYBE PETER COULD STAY AT OUR HOUSE TONIGHT.
- WAIT A MIN--NO. NO, OUR HOUSE--IT'S BROKEN.
- LOOK, HE WON'T GO WITH ROBERT.
HE CAN'T GO WITH AMY.
HE CAN'T SLEEP AT THE BUS STATION.
YOU EITHER DRIVE HIM TO PENNSYLVANIA,
OR HE SLEEPS AT OUR HOUSE.
- YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH YOUR BROTHER AND I
HAVE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES,
YOU AND ME ARE TOTALLY COPACETIC, HOME FRY.
- WHAT EXIT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
- OH, DON'T WORRY, YOU GOT A WHILE YET.
OH, BOY.
[playing harmonica]
- HELLO!
- OH, PETER!
- OH, MAMA!
OH, IT'S BEEN SO LONG. MMM.
LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
- HELLO, RAY. WHAT A SURPRISE.
- HI, HI, MRS. MACDOUGALL. HI.
IT WAS QUITE A LONG DRIVE.
COULD I JUST USE YOUR FACILITIES?
- CERTAINLY. COME IN.
RIGHT THROUGH THERE AND TO THE LEFT.
THERE ARE CHERUBS ON THE DOOR.
- UH, MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON HERE?
- OH, JUST TIDYING UP A BIT.
- YEAH, MAMA, BUT THESE ARE ALL MY FOGHAT ALBUMS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOUCHING THESE?
- PAT, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE FILTH HE'S GOT DOWN THERE.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SOMETHING CALLED "MAD" MAGAZINE?
OH, PETER.
- [scoffs] MY STUFF.
[stammers] WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOUCHING MY STUFF?
- WELL, YOU SEE, PETER,
WE'RE SORT OF RECONSIDERING THE LAYOUT OF THE BASEMENT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- HOW IT WOULD LAY OUT IF YOU WERE...
GONE.
- SO, WAIT A SECOND.
I-I TAKE OFF FOR A WEEK, AND YOU'RE MOVING ME OUT?
- WE'RE CHANGING THE BASEMENT
INTO A PRAYER AND BIBLE STUDY ROOM.
- WHAT?
- WELL, PETER, WHEN YOU SAID NEW YORK WAS YOUR LADY,
WE WERE A LITTLE CONCERNED.
BUT THEN WE SORT OF GOT USED TO THE IDEA.
- AND AS TIME WENT BY, WE THOUGHT,
"OUR BOY'S GROWING UP.
HE'S READY TO BE ON HIS OWN."
- GOOD LUCK, SON.
- SO...THAT'S IT?
- I'M SORRY, PETER,
BUT WE GAVE YOUR ROOM TO JESUS.
- JESUS DOESN'T NEED A ROOM!
HIS DAD DIDN'T THROW HIM OUT!
I NEED MY KITTY! WHERE'S MISS PUSS?
MISS PUSS-PUSS!
SHE'S OUTSIDE.
WHAT?
OUTSIDE? NO!
MISS PUSS IS AN INSIDE CAT!
- NOT ANYMORE.
- OH!
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
YOU GOT ONE OF THOSE SEATS THAT KEEPS FALLING DOWN.
DON'T WORRY, THOUGH. IT ALL WORKED OUT.
YOU'RE THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
- OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.
- WAIT, RAY!
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I DON'T NEED TO LIVE HERE ANYMORE!
I'LL JUST GO WHERE I'M APPRECIATED, OKAY?
OH, AND I HOPE JESUS DOES A GOOD JOB MOWING THE LAWN!
RAY, GIVE ME A HAND WITH THESE, WILL YA? THANKS.
- WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHERE'S HE GOING?
[overlapping greetings]
- THANKS SO MUCH.
- YOU PUT THE FRUITCAKE BACK IN THE BOX?
- YEAH.
BUT, UH, TURNS OUT NOBODY LIKES FRUITCAKE.
- MISS PUSS? MISS PUSS-PUSS?
- OH, GOD.
- SHE SCRATCHED ME AND THEN RAN UP A TREE.
MY PARENTS SCREWED HER UP TOO.
- PETER, I THOUGHT YOU WENT BACK HOME.
- I HAVE NO HOME.
I'M GONNA GO SEE IF I CAN GET MISS PUSS BACK
WITH A SAUCER OF MILK.
- WHAT?
[door closes] WHAT HAPPENED?
- WELL, YOUR FATHER SAID
THEY'RE GOING TO TURN HIS ROOM INTO A...
PRAYER CHAMBER OR SOMETHING.
- WHY DOESN'T THAT GUY
JUST PUT A STEEPLE ON HIS ROOF
AND CALL IT A DAY?
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
- THEY SAID THAT HE'S A GROWN MAN
AND HE SHOULD GET ON WITH HIS LIFE.
- SO NOW HE'S HERE TO END OURS.
- BUT THAT JUST DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MY PARENTS.
THEY LOVED HAVING HIM THERE. THEY DID EVERYTHING FOR HIM.
- AMY, DEAR, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.
A CHILD IS LIKE... A BABY ROBIN--
YOU FEED HIM, YOU NURTURE HIM,
YOU GET HIM STRONG,
SO WHEN THE TIME COMES, HE'S READY TO FLY AWAY
AND BRING YOU BACK GRAND-ROBINS.
AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT HIM TO,
SOMETIMES THERE'S A ROBIN WHO JUST WON'T FLY AWAY.
- AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU GOT A 40-YEAR-OLD ROBIN
WHO CAN'T LIFT HIS ASS OUT OF THE NEST.
- I GUESS IT HAD BEEN GOING ON FOR SO LONG
THAT WE ALL JUST GOT USED TO IT, BUT I KNOW--
- YEAH. A 40-YEAR-OLD MAN STILL LIVING AT HIS PARENTS' HOUSE
IS A LITTLE WEIRD.
- WELL, THE BOY GETS USED TO CERTAIN THINGS...
YOUR MOTHER DOING YOUR LAUNDRY FOR YOU
AND FIXING YOUR MEALS.
- CHANGING YOUR DIAPER.
- TAKING YOUR TEMPERATURE THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.
YEAH. THEY DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, RIGHT?
THEY SHOULD DO THAT.
- HEY.
- [sniffs] THIS IS 2%.
MISS PUSS WILL NEVER GO FOR THIS.
- ROUGH NIGHT, HUH?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I HEARD YOU ALL IN THERE LAUGHING.
- I WASN'T LAUGHING.
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
- LISTEN...PETER...
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
DO YOU KNOW THAT IF I HAD COME HOME
TEN MINUTES LATER,
I WOULD'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH THE GARBAGE
TO FIND MY BLUEPRINTS TO THE BATCAVE?
- WELL, I WASN'T OUT OF MY FOLKS' HOUSE TEN MINUTES
BEFORE MY DAD STARTED PUTTING IN A JACUZZI
WHERE MY BED USED TO BE.
- THEY PUT IN A JACUZZI?
WELL, YOUR PARENTS ARE COOL.
- COME LOOK AT 'EM USE IT.
NOT SO COOL.
- MAN, I JUST DIDN'T SEE THIS ONE COMING.
I MEAN, EVERY NIGHT, MY MOTHER WOULD LEAVE
A PLATE OF COOKIES AND A CUP OF HOT COCOA
OUTSIDE MY DOOR.
DOES THAT SAY "GET THE HELL OUT" TO YOU?
- YEAH, THEY SEND YOU ALL THESE MIXED SIGNALS.
MY MOM WAS THE SAME WAY.
WITH THE FOOD-- ALL THE MEATS AND THE SAUCES.
YOU'RE ALL DOPED UP LIKE A BEAR IN THE ZOO.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THERE,
BUT YOU LOSE THE WILL TO ESCAPE.
- YEAH.
YEAH!
- AND I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THEM A FAVOR BY STAYING.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- THEY WANT YOU THERE
UNTIL THEY DON'T WANT YOU THERE.
- YOU KNOW, I GOT THE RAW DEAL 'CAUSE I WAS THE OLDEST.
SO THEY MADE ALL THEIR MISTAKES WITH ME.
- YEAH, YEAH, ME TOO.
IT'S LIKE I WAS THE PRACTICE KID.
IT'S LIKE, "OH, OH, WELL,
NOW WE KNOW NOT TO DROP RAYMOND."
- YEAH, YOU KNOW, IN MY HOUSE, IT WAS,
"NOT NOW, PETER. AMY'S PLAYING THE PIANO.
TAKE OFF YOUR CAPE AND EAT YOUR DINNER."
- YOU HUNGRY?
- MAN, I AM STARVED!
I TRIED TO GET YOUR BROTHER TO STOP,
BUT HE WAS DRIVING SO FAST.
COME ON.
I'LL BET THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE.
- WELL, I HEAR THEY'RE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE.
- MA, PETER'S NOT EVEN CATHOLIC.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET HIM BE A PRIEST!
- I TELL YOU WHAT HE SHOULD DO--
JOIN THE SERVICE.
PUT A LITTLE FUZZ ON THE KIWIS.
[chatting quietly]
- YOU COULD DO IT THERE, OF COURSE.
- DEBBIE, RAYMOND,
I APPRECIATE THE GENEROUS OFFER,
BUT I WON'T BE STAYING WITH YOU TONIGHT.
- YEP. HE'S COMING HOME WITH US.
- REALLY? - REALLY?
- AND TOMORROW AFTER BREAKFAST,
I'M TAKING HIM BY MY OLD BUILDING.
- YEAH, ROBERT SAYS HIS OLD APARTMENT IS STILL AVAILABLE,
AND, APPARENTLY,
THERE'S QUITE AN ACTIVE SOCIAL SCENE THERE, SO...
- ROBERT!
THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA!
- I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MISS PUSS!
- I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
- YEAH, HE'S A GOOD KID.
- COME ON. LET'S GO RENEW OUR FRIENDSHIP.
- AHH.
PAYS TO BE NICE.
- THOSE TWO THINK THEIR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT A RELATIVE LIKE THAT
LIVING SO CLOSE TO YOU.
[door opens]
- HEY. LOOK WHAT PETER LEFT IN MY CAR.
HE IS SO ANNOYING.
- HE'S NOT SO BAD.
- NO? TRY FOUR HOURS OF THIS.
[playing harmonica]
- DID YOU RINSE THAT OFF FIRST?
- AAH!
[spitting]
- IDIOT.