- I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME A DAY EARLY, HONEY.
- ME TOO, MOM.
I'M ALMOST LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.
[doorbell rings]
- [flat] OH, GOOD. THEY'RE HERE.
- HELLO, HUSBAND.
- HELLO, WIFE.
- I MISSED YOU.
- OH, I MISSED YOU TOO.
- HEY, IT'S WINTER OUT HERE.
- OOH! I'M SORRY. COME IN.
- HELLO. - WELL, WELCOME.
- HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
- HOW ARE YOU? - HELLO.
- HOW WAS THE DRIVE? [door closes]
- LONG.
BUT--BUT FUN 'CAUSE WE'RE JUST,
"PENNSYLVANIA! CAN'T WAIT!"
- GOOD DAY, FAIR BARONES...
ON THIS FESTIVAL OF THANKS AND GIVINGNESS.
- WELL, HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR COATS.
- DON'T GO TOO FAR WITH THOSE.
- DAD, BE A PERSON.
- SORRY WE'RE SO LATE.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. DINNER'S ALMOST READY.
- I BROUGHT PIES FOR AFTER.
- OH, THANK YOU, MARIE.
- I MADE TWO IN CASE PEOPLE DON'T FILL UP ON DINNER.
- WELL, WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE HAVE A SEAT?
- JUST POINT US TO THE ROOM WITH THE TV.
- OH, WE DON'T OWN A TV.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S FINE, FRANK. WE'LL JUST TALK.
- OH. - OH.
- YOU CAN WARM YOURSELVES UP WITH SOME HOT CIDER.
- IS IT SPIKED?
- THERE'S CINNAMON.
- SO I DROVE HERE FOR HOT JUICE.
- AND, CHILDREN, WE ALSO HAVE
THE MACDOUGALL FAMILY THANKSGIVING PAGEANT.
- THE--THE MACDOUGALL... WHAT?
- OH, DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT TO YOU GUYS?
THIS IS FUN. LISTEN TO THIS.
THIS IS GREAT.
- WHEN PETER AND I WERE KIDS,
WE USED TO PUT ON A PLAY ABOUT THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.
AND WE THOUGHT THAT, SINCE ALLY AND THE BOYS
WERE COMING THIS YEAR,
WE COULD TRY IT AGAIN.
- DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN, KIDS?
- YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE, LIKE, A LITTLE EMERGENCY TV?
- THE KIDS CAN PLAY MOST OF THE PARTS,
AND PETER WILL REPRISE HIS ROLE AS...
- SQUANTO.
- ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN, IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME,
I HAVE COSTUMES AND DECORATIONS.
AND CANDY. - OKAY!
- OH, THEY'LL BE SO CUTE DOING THE PLAY.
- THIS IS GREAT. DINNER AND A SHOW!
- YOU HAVE A RADIO? - RAY.
- WHAT?
WHAT IF--WHAT IF THE PRESIDENT COMES ON
TO SAY THANKSGIVING'S BEEN CANCELED?
HOW ARE WE GOING TO HEAR THAT?
- HEY, THIS CHAIR AIN'T BAD. I TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I COULD DO SOME SERIOUS NAPPING IN THIS THING.
- FRANK. - [snores]
- COME ON, STOP IT. STOP IT.
- WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
- DON'T GET MY DAD STARTED ON NAPS.
- DON'T TELL ME-- HE'S MORALLY AGAINST 'EM.
- OH, NO. HE LOVES NAPS.
RIGHT, DADDY?
- I DO.
BUT NEVER IN A CHAIR.
I'M MORE OF A BED MAN.
- INTERESTING.
LET ME ASK YOU,
DO YOU GO ALL THE WAY UNDER THE COVERS?
- NO, NO. NO, NO, JUST ON TOP.
NOW, I MIGHT KICK OFF MY SHOES,
BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS IT GOES.
- WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, IF I'M DOING A BED NAP,
I'M GETTING UNDER THE COVERS, BUT MY PANTS ARE NOT.
- I'VE GOT PASTRY PUFFS.
- OH. - YEAH.
- HEY, MOM, DAD AND FRANK ARE TALKING ABOUT NAPS.
- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, HANK.
TRY A NAP IN THE CHAIR SOMETIME.
- I MIGHT JUST DO THAT AFTER DINNER.
- THERE YOU GO!
- WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPETIZER, MARIE?
THEY'RE HOMEMADE.
- OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
- OH, BUT I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO TRY ONE.
EVERYONE SAYS YOU'RE THE BEST COOK THERE IS.
- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
I'D LOVE TO TRY ONE.
MMM! I HAVE TO SAY, THAT'S MARVELOUS.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- SHE'S BEEN SO WORRIED
ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO THINK OF HER DINNER.
- OH... WHO CARES WHAT I THINK?
- MOM!
THE BOYS ARE PUTTING GLUE IN EACH OTHER'S HAIR.
- OH, NO!
- I'M SURPRISED IT TOOK THEM THIS LONG.
OKAY, SWEETIE, MOMMY WILL HELP YOU STICK 'EM TO THE WALL.
- HOW GREAT IS THIS? ISN'T THIS GREAT?
IT'S LIKE A FAMILY.
- I HAVE MORE APPETIZERS IN THE KITCHEN.
- OH, I'LL COME WITH YOU.
I WANT TO SEE WHAT ELSE WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
- DON'T PUT GLUE IN EACH OTHER'S HAIR.
[thump] - WHAT WAS THAT?
- SOUNDED LIKE SOMETHING HIT THE HOUSE.
[door opens]
OH, IT'S A BIRD.
- IT MUST'VE FLOWN INTO THE WINDOW.
- OH.
- OH, MAN. IT'S HURT.
- OH, WHAT DO WE DO?
- DON'T SQUEEZE IT. BE CAREFUL.
- UH, DON'T WORRY. I GOT IT.
- DON'T HOLD IT TOO TIGHT.
I KNOW BIRDS. I BUILD BIRDHOUSES.
- MAY I SEE IT?
[door shuts]
OH, MY.
LET ME HELP YOU.
- AW, POOR THING.
- HE MUST'VE GOTTEN CONFUSED OR SOMETHING.
- HEY, HEY, REMEMBER TWEETY?
- YEAH.
- YEAH, WHEN WE WERE KIDS,
WE HAD A COCKATIEL NAMED TWEETY.
- I TRAINED HIM SO WHEN I OPENED HIS CAGE,
HE'D FLY RIGHT UP ONTO MY SHOULDER.
HE THOUGHT I WAS A TREE.
- HERE WE GO. - OH, HOW'S THE BIRD?
- OH, I TOOK CARE OF IT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- YOU KNOW--
- YOU KILLED THE BIRD?
- I HAD TO PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY.
- YOU MEAN, YOU ACTUALLY PUT IT TO DEATH?
- IT WAS VERY QUICK.
- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
- OH, SHE'S VERY GOOD AT IT.
- YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE?
- SURE. ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, ONLY WHEN THEY HIT THE HOUSE.
- I THINK, IF BIRDS KEEP FLYING INTO YOUR HOUSE,
YOU GOT TO WARN THEM SOMEHOW.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST COVER THE HOUSE WITH MATTRESSES,
SO THE BIRDS BOUNCE OFF.
- ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME, COCOA PUFFS?
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S ALL TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND TRY TO REMEMBER
THAT THE BIRD IS IN A BETTER PLACE.
BIRDIE HEAVEN,
WHERE THE SEED IS FREE,
AND EVERY BIRD GETS A WORM--
NOT JUST THE EARLY ONES.
- SHE SHOULD TAKE YOU INTO THE KITCHEN.
- [stammers] EXCUSE ME,
BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THE BIRD COULDN'T BE SAVED?
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT A VETERINARIAN.
- NO, BUT I HAVE LIVED IN THE COUNTRY MY WHOLE LIFE.
- MOM GREW UP ON A FARM.
- I BET THE CHICKENS SLEPT WITH ONE EYE OPEN.
- IT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT, MOTHER,
HOW CITY FOLK REACT TO THIS TYPE OF THING?
- THAT POOR BIRD WAS INNOCENTLY FLYING AROUND,
YOU KILL IT, YOU DON'T EVEN SEEM TO CARE.
- IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T CARE, MARIE.
IT'S JUST, OUT HERE,
THERE ARE ANIMALS ALL AROUND US,
AND SOMETIMES YOU DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.
- YES, LIKE WHEN A RODENT GETS INTO THE ROOT CELLAR,
YOU DON'T WANT TO BANG IT WITH A SHOVEL...
BUT YOU DO.
- BONG!
- YOU GOT NO RIGHT TO GO AROUND
BUMPING OFF GOD'S CREATURES WILLY-NILLY.
- WELL, LET'S REMEMBER, FRANK, GOD DID SAY,
"LET MAN HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA,
"AND THE FOWL OF THE AIR,
AND EVERY CREEPING THING THAT CREEPETH UPON THE EARTH."
- YOU CREEPETH ME OUT.
- YOU KNOW, FRANK, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU CARE MORE ABOUT ANIMALS
THAN YOU DO ABOUT PEOPLE.
- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU SHOW AS MUCH COMPASSION
FOR ANY HUMAN BEING
AS YOU'VE JUST SHOWN FOR THAT BIRD.
AND EVEN THE WAY YOU TREAT EACH OTHER IS APPALLING.
- HEY, I THINK I KNOW A COUPLE OF FELLAS
WHO COULD USE A NAP.
- LISTEN, PAL, WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
SOMEBODY'S BOTHERING ME, I LET 'EM KNOW.
AND, YEAH, MAYBE THAT'S WHY I LIKE ANIMALS.
THEY TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
WOOF! MOO! QUACK!
THAT'S STRAIGHT SHOOTING.
- SO YOU'RE LIKE AN ANIMAL.
- [laughs] YES.
- I'M HONEST.
YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR FELLOW MAN.
YOU JUST PRETEND TO BE ALL NICEY-NICE,
SO YOU CAN GET A TICKET UPSTAIRS.
- OH!
- OKAY, NOW IT'S A HOLIDAY.
- WE WOULD NEVER PRETEND LIKE THAT.
WE ALWAYS TRY TO SEE THE GOODNESS IN PEOPLE.
EVEN WHEN IT'S VERY, VERY HARD.
- I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH MY HUSBAND.
YOU CAN'T JUST PUT ON A SMILE
AND PRETEND THAT PEOPLE ARE WONDERFUL.
- YEAH, NOBODY REALLY-- - I'M TALKING NOW, FRANK.
I HAVE ALWAYS FELT
THAT IF I'M GOING TO BE A LOVING HUMAN BEING,
I ALSO HAD TO BE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH
TO BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE.
BEING FAKE HELPS NO ONE.
[stammers] WHAT IS THAT LOOK?
- IT'S JUST-- WELL, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT WHEN YOU SAID YOU MADE TWO PIES
IN CASE PEOPLE DIDN'T FILL UP ON DINNER.
I DON'T THINK YOU WERE HAPPY
TO BE SPENDING THANKSGIVING WITH US,
BUT YOU COVERED YOUR TRUE FEELINGS
WITH A VEILED INSULT ABOUT MY COOKING.
ISN'T THAT FAKE?
- YOU KILLED A BIRD!
- MARIE, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST LET THE BIRD THING GO.
- WHOA, WHOA, AMY, LOOK,
LET'S NOT GET SUCKED INTO THIS, OKAY?
I MEAN, I'M NOT TAKING MY FAMILY'S SIDE.
- WELL, OF COURSE NOT. THEY'RE ACTING ALL NUTS.
- THEY'RE NUTS?
- WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT
WHEN A MAN BARKS AND QUACKS AT YOU?
- MY FATHER WAS BARKING AND QUACKING
BECAUSE HE WAS UPSET
ABOUT THE PATH OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION
THAT YOUR PARENTS HAVE CUT THROUGH THE ANIMAL COMMUNITY!
- THAT'S MY BOY!
- THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN IF YOU HAVE A TV.
- THEN YOU MUST THINK I'M A MURDERER TOO.
WHEN I WAS A KID, I USED TO CATCH FIELD MICE
TO FEED TO PETER'S PET SNAKE.
- [chomps ferociously]
- YOU CRAZY BASTARD.
THEY'RE ALL KILLERS.
IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
- I WISH WE STILL HAD THAT SNAKE.
- FRANK! THEY WANT TO FEED US TO THE SNAKES!
- ALL RIGHT.
JUST RELAX, YOU TWO, OKAY?
NO SNAKE IS THAT HUNGRY.
[kids imitate war whooping] - HEY, EVERYBODY!
HERE THEY COME!
- WHAT'S THIS? - ISN'T THIS GREAT?
THERE'S A PART FOR EVERYBODY IN THE PLAY.
- NOT ME. FORGET IT.
- BUT, GRANDPA, YOU'RE THE INDIAN CHIEF.
- I SEE NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD BE INVOLVED IN OUR PLAY.
- OH, YOU DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR PLAY?
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- NO TV.
- DADDY, WE WANT YOU TO BE SQUANTO.
- WHAT? - YEAH, SQUANTO.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, NO.
[laughing] HOLD ON A SECOND.
NO, NO. I AM ALWAYS SQUANTO.
OKAY?
- BUT WE WANT DADDY TO DO IT.
- YEAH, DADDY.
- KID, I ALWAYS DO IT. LET ME HAVE THE FEATHER.
COME ON, LET ME HAVE THE FEATHER.
- HEY, HEY, LEAVE THE KID. - LET ME HAVE THE FEATHER.
- HEY!
I'M SQUANTO!
YEAH.
FEELS GOOD.
HEAP GOOD.
- FINE.
I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR INTERPRETATION.
- MARIE, UH, WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE A PILGRIM.
SO IF YOU'LL JUST TAKE THE HAT...
- MAYBE THE PAGEANT ISN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA TODAY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S THANKSGIVING!
- NO. LET'S JUST FORGET IT.
- NO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,
BUT CERTAIN PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM
ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUT DOING THIS PLAY, OKAY?
SO WE'RE GOING TO DO IT.
- OH, DEBRA, DON'T YOU-- - DIT-DIT-DIT-DIT!
WE'RE DOING THE PLAY.
KIDS, LET'S GO. ALLY, SWEETIE.
- "THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.
"THE PILGRIMS LANDED AT PLYMOUTH ROCK
"IN THE WINTER OF 1620,
"LOOKING FOR FREEDOM AND A NEW LIFE.
BUT THINGS WERE NOT EASY FOR THEM."
- "THE WINTER IS SO VERY HARD.
MANY OF OUR PEOPLE ARE DYING FROM COLD AND HUNGER."
- "BUT WE CAN'T FIND ANY FOOD."
- "WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CATCH FISH.
WHAT EVER WILL WE DO?"
- SHE SHOULD TRY STRANGLING A COUPLE OF BIRDS.
- DID ANYONE HEAR SOME SAVAGES TALKING?
- "A NATIVE AMERICAN NAMED SQUANTO
CAME TO THE PILGRIM VILLAGE."
- "MY NAME IS SQUANTO"--
- OOH! RIVETING!
- "MY NAME IS SQUANTO. I COME IN PEACE."
- "HELLO." - HEY. OH.
"HEY. HI.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO LIVE OFF THIS LAND."
- "SQUANTO TAUGHT THE PILGRIMS HOW TO CATCH FISH."
- [scoffs]
IS ANYBODY BUYING THIS GUY AS SQUANTO?
- YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE.
HE HASN'T HAD A CHANCE TO EXERCISE LATELY.
- "CAN YOU ALSO TEACH US
TO PLANT CORN AND FORAGE FOR BERRIES?"
- "YES, I CAN."
OH. EH.
- "SQUANTO AND THE PILGRIMS BECAME FRIENDS,
BUT SQUANTO'S TRIBE DID NOT LIKE THE SETTLERS."
- THIS IS AN EXCELLENT PLAY.
- "I THINK WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS WITH THE PILGRIMS
AND SIGN A PEACE TREATY."
- "YES, WE PROMISE TO PROTECT YOUR PEOPLE
AND TREAT YOU WITH KINDNESS."
- LIES. THEY'RE GOING TO SCREW US.
- "THE PILGRIMS INVITED SQUANTO'S TRIBE TO A BIG FEAST.
EVERYONE WAS HAPPY WHEN THE INDIAN CHIEF ARRIVED."
- [flat] "WE'RE SO HAPPY."
- "THEY EXCHANGED GIFTS,
AND THE INDIAN CHIEF EMBRACED THE PILGRIM GOVERNOR."
[whispers] GRANDPA, EMBRACE HIM.
- LOOK, ALLY, SWEETIE, THIS WAS CUTE AND EVERYTHING,
BUT NOW IT STINKS.
- IT DOESN'T STINK!
THIS PLAY IS A MACDOUGALL FAMILY TRADITION.
- YES, AND WE'VE SEEN OTHER KINDS OF TRADITIONS
YOUR FAMILY ENJOYS.
- MARIE, PLEASE STOP ALREADY.
- NO, NO. THAT'S OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET EVERYTHING OUT IN THE OPEN.
SO TELL ME, AMY,
WHAT ELSE DID YOU FEED THAT SNAKE, HUH?
STRAY DOGS? HITCHHIKERS?
- OH, MY GOD.
- YOUR FAMILY SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!
- OKAY.
OKAY. OKAY, ENOUGH.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHEN I LEFT THE ROOM,
EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING, AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.
IT SHOWED ME THAT OUR FAMILY COULD REALLY GET ALONG.
WHAT HAPPENED?
- PAT THE PSYCHO CHOKED A BIRD WITH HER BARE HANDS.
- WHAT?
- A BIRD FLEW INTO THE WINDOW, AND IT WAS REALLY HURT.
- AND SHE MURDERED IT.
- SHE PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY.
- OH, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
SO?
- SO? - WELL, THANK YOU!
[overlapping arguments]
- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING ABOUT?
I MEAN, WHAT WAS PAT SUPPOSED TO DO?
PERFORM SURGERY?
- YOU HAVE NEVER LIKED US.
YOU TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU CAN
TO GO AGAINST THE FAMILY.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
I CAN KIND OF SEE DEBRA'S POINT.
I MEAN, THE BIRD WAS INJURED.
- OH, NOW YOU THINK THAT?
WHEN DEBRA SAYS IT, YOU LISTEN. BUT WITH ME, YOU JUST FIGHT.
WHAT IS WITH YOU?
- IT'S A CONFUSING ISSUE!
- YOU'RE OUT OF THE FAMILY.
YOU, WHAT'S WITH YOUR WIFE?
- HE'S RIGHT. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE ON OUR SIDE?
- IT'S NOT ABOUT TAKING SIDES, RAY!
IT'S VERY SAD WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT BIRD,
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!
- THAT BIRD WAS ONE OF GOD'S CREATURES!
THE GOD THESE PEOPLE SUPPOSEDLY WORK FOR.
BUT APPARENTLY, THAT LIFE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO THEM.
IT WAS JUST A BIRD.
WELL, MAYBE SO,
BUT I HAPPEN TO THINK
HE DESERVED A LOT BETTER THAN HE GOT.
- OKAY, EVERYONE!
DINNER.
- ALL RIGHT! BREAK ME OFF A LEG THERE!
[overlapping chattering]
[peaceful piano tune]