1 00:00:03,233 --> 00:00:05,433 - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY DICTIONARY? 2 00:00:05,433 --> 00:00:06,900 - OH, YEAH, RAY. I'M SORRY. I WAS GONNA TELL YA. 3 00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:10,600 I CAUGHT THE BOYS SLIDING DOWN THE STAIRS ON IT. 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:11,833 - OH, COME ON. IT'S RUINED. 5 00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:13,300 LOOK AT THIS. 6 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,233 THE LEATHER BINDING'S ALL COMING OFF THE... 7 00:00:15,233 --> 00:00:18,367 PAGES ARE MISSING. THE COVER'S COMING OFF IT. 8 00:00:18,367 --> 00:00:20,600 - CALM DOWN, RAY. IT'S JUST A DICTIONARY. 9 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,467 - IT'S NOT JUST A DICTIONARY, ROBERT, ALL RIGHT? 10 00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:26,500 I WON THIS IN THE SEVENTH GRADE SPELLING BEE. 11 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:29,333 - AH, ANOTHER ONE OF RAYMOND'S TRIUMPHS. 12 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,700 SEVENTH GRADE SPELLING. 13 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:35,433 GOSH, WHAT WORD PUT YOU OVER THE TOP, RAYMOND? 14 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:38,200 "BOAT"? 15 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:43,067 - FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I HAD TO SPELL "VACUUM." 16 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:46,600 OKAY? TWO "U"s. 17 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,133 OR TWO "C"s. 18 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:54,133 I DON'T KNOW, 'CAUSE THERE'S NO "V" IN HERE. 19 00:00:56,133 --> 00:00:58,000 - [laughs] 20 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,633 WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, HUH, RAY? 21 00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:02,067 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 22 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,500 - JUST LIKE WHEN YOU RUINED MY JAZZ RECORDS. 23 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,400 - OH, DAD, LOOK, 24 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,067 WE ALL KNOW THE STORY, OKAY, SO NOT AGAIN. 25 00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:11,267 - WHY NOT? IT'S A SHORT STORY. 26 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:14,433 ONCE UPON A TIME, I HAD GREAT JAZZ RECORDS. 27 00:01:14,433 --> 00:01:18,967 YOU WERE BORN. NOW I DON'T. 28 00:01:18,967 --> 00:01:20,467 - ALL RIGHT. 29 00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:23,600 YOU BEEN ON ME FOR THIS FOR OVER 30 YEARS. 30 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,733 - I BELIEVE IT WAS THE WINTER OF '69. 31 00:01:25,733 --> 00:01:27,167 - WILL YOU STOP IT? 32 00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:28,433 - I HAD JUST COME HOME FROM A HARD DAY'S WORK-- 33 00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:29,967 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? 34 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:31,800 NO, IF YOU'RE GONNA DO THIS, THEN JUST GO HOME. 35 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,000 OKAY, JUST TELL YOUR STORY SOMEWHERE ELSE. 36 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,467 - YEAH, COME ON, DAD. 37 00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:36,100 LET'S GET MA TO MAKE US SOME HOT CHOCOLATE. 38 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,333 - HEY, RAY, IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE ACROSS THE STREET 39 00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:42,267 NOT LISTENING TO MY FAVORITE JAZZ RECORDS. 40 00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:44,400 YOU NEVER TOUCHED MY STUFF, ROBERT. 41 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:48,333 IT'S TOO BAD RAY WASN'T MORE LIKE YOU. 42 00:01:57,533 --> 00:02:01,667 - PUTZ. 43 00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,933 P-U-T-Z. 44 00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:07,367 THE PUTZ WALKED INTO THE DOOR. 45 00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:10,767 PUTZ. 46 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,500 [sports announcing over TV] - HEY, DAD. 47 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:17,100 - HEY. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 48 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,533 GO GET ME SOME CHIPS. 49 00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:22,867 - ACTUALLY, I GOT SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU. 50 00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:24,933 - CHIPS AND DIP? 51 00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:28,133 - LOOK, I GOT YOU A GIFT, OKAY? 52 00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:30,867 I DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS TO GIVE IT TO YOU, 53 00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:35,800 SO HERE. 54 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,700 - WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE? 55 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,500 - YOUR JAZZ RECORDS. 56 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,600 - THESE AREN'T MY RECORDS. 57 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,300 - THEY'RE BETTER THAN RECORDS. 58 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,433 THEY'RE CDs OF YOUR OLD RECORDS. 59 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,133 WHERE'S YOUR CD PLAYER? 60 00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:50,100 - I DON'T HAVE A CD PLAYER. 61 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,033 - NO, YOU DO. 62 00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:53,367 A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, 63 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:54,933 DEBRA AND I GOT YOU A PORTABLE ONE. 64 00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,700 - OH, YEAH. 65 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,500 IT'S PROBABLY IN THE BASEMENT. 66 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,500 - OKAY. GOOD. WAIT HERE. I'M GONNA GET IT. 67 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,367 - YOUR MOTHER'S DOWN THERE DOING LAUNDRY. 68 00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:11,133 TELL HER BREAK TIME IS OVER. I'M STARVING! 69 00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:14,833 - HEY, MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 70 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:18,167 - YOUR FATHER SAYS THE DRYER MAKES HIS PANTS TOO TIGHT. 71 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:25,000 - I THINK THAT'S THE REFRIGERATOR. 72 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,600 LISTEN, YOU GOT A CD PLAYER? 73 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,133 - YES, WE DO. WOULD YOU LIKE IT? 74 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:34,133 BECAUSE WE NEED THE SPACE. 75 00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:36,667 - NO, MA. WE GAVE IT TO YOU. 76 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,500 - AND WE LOVE IT. 77 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,100 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WHERE IS IT? 78 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,733 - IT'S OVER THERE. 79 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:49,933 - OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF. 80 00:03:49,933 --> 00:03:52,733 - WOULD YOU LIKE A POPCORN POPPER? 81 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,800 - YOU DIDN'T GIVE US THAT, DID YOU? 82 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,233 - MOM, HERE IT IS. 83 00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:58,733 HERE'S THE CD PLAYER DEBRA AND I GOT YOU. 84 00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:01,533 AND LOOK AT THIS. IT'S A CLOCK RADIO. 85 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,200 A DVD PLAYER. 86 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,900 A MICROWAVE OVEN. 87 00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:08,067 ANOTHER MICROWAVE OVEN! 88 00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,667 LOOK AT THIS. 89 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,200 YOU DIDN'T EVEN FINISH TAKING THE WRAPPING OFF IT. 90 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,300 - WE DON'T NEED AN ELECTRICAL KNIFE. 91 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:17,133 CUTTING MEAT IS YOUR FATHER'S ONLY EXERCISE. 92 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,733 [door opens] - HEY, MARIE, LET'S GO. 93 00:04:19,733 --> 00:04:24,100 I NEED A DAMN SANDWICH BEFORE I GET CRANKY. 94 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,933 - DAD, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF, HUH? 95 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,600 IT'S JUST SITTING HERE. 96 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,033 - WHAT, MOUNT CRAP-MORE? 97 00:04:31,033 --> 00:04:33,333 - THIS STUFF, IT'S NOT CRAP, DAD. 98 00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:35,333 MOM, YOU SHOULD PUT THIS MICROWAVE IN THE KITCHEN. 99 00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:37,633 IT'S GREAT. DEBRA HAS THE SAME MODEL. 100 00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:41,133 - WELL, I'M SOLD. 101 00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:42,600 - DAD, YOU WANT A POT ROAST? 102 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,000 YOU CAN HAVE IT IN 15 MINUTES WITH THIS. 103 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,800 - I CAN GET IT IN TEN WITH THIS. 104 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,433 - OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS--LOOK-- AUTOMATIC GARAGE-DOOR OPENER? 105 00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:56,867 YOU DON'T GOT TO BREAK YOUR BACK LIFTING THE DOOR. 106 00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:58,500 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 107 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,067 MOM CAN COOK, AND SHE CAN LIFT A DOOR. 108 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,767 BUT...SHE CANNOT 109 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:06,900 REPRODUCE THE FINEST MUSIC OF THE 20TH CENTURY 110 00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:10,400 WITH CRYSTAL CLEAR DIGITAL QUALITY. 111 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,733 - ACTUALLY, I HAVE BEEN TOLD 112 00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:14,833 THAT I HAVE A MARVELOUS SINGING VOICE. 113 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,000 - I KNOW YOU DO, MA, 114 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,433 BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THIS. 115 00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:21,367 THIS'LL ONLY TAKE A SECOND. 116 00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:23,767 - LOOK AT ALL THOSE WIRES. 117 00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:25,667 YOU KNOW WHAT LOVES WIRES? 118 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,433 DUST. 119 00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:30,100 - DON'T TOUCH MY TOOLS. 120 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,333 - I DON'T NEED TOOLS, DAD. 121 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:33,600 - LOOK HOW COMPLICATED IT LOOKS. 122 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,033 - MA, IT'S SIMPLE. YOU JUST--YOU PLUG IT IN. 123 00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:37,400 - YEAH, I CAN SEE THE ELECTRIC COMPANY 124 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,367 RUBBING THEIR MITTS TOGETHER RIGHT NOW. 125 00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,167 - DAD, IT ONLY USES A LITTLE POWER, 126 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,300 AND IT'S EASY TO USE. 127 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:44,700 YOU JUST PUSH THAT BUTTON, 128 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,367 YOU OPEN UP THE TRAY, 129 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:49,733 YOU GRAB A CD, AND YOU POP IT IN. 130 00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:52,233 VOILA. 131 00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:54,967 JUST GOT TO--YOU TAKE THE WRAPPING OFF. 132 00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:56,133 SPINE OUT. 133 00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,033 PUT THE THING IN. 134 00:05:58,033 --> 00:06:00,233 ALL RIGHT... 135 00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:02,700 A LITTLE, UH... 136 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:05,733 - RAYMOND, MAYBE YOU COULD USE THIS. 137 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:09,333 - I DON'T NEED THAT, MA. 138 00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:13,433 - MAYBE YOU COULD USE A BLOWTORCH. 139 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:15,600 - LOOK, SEE, LISTEN-- WHEN YOU GET THE PLASTIC OFF, 140 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,267 ALL YOU DO IS INSERT THE DISC, 141 00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:19,867 YOU CLOSE THE TRAY, YOU PUT THE SELECTOR ON CD, 142 00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:21,233 AND PRESS PLAY. 143 00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:24,667 - WE'RE NOT ASTRONAUTS, RAYMOND. 144 00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:27,967 - FINE. I'LL WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU, MA. 145 00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:29,567 - CAN I GO UP NOW? 146 00:06:29,567 --> 00:06:31,667 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 147 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,900 HERE WE GO. 148 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:38,233 OKAY, JUST GOT TO GET THIS STICKY THING OFF. 149 00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,267 DAD, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS, DAD. 150 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:44,533 YOU'RE GONNA BE BLOWN AWAY WHEN YOU HEAR THIS. 151 00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:48,733 - THIS IS WHERE I USED TO LISTEN TO 'EM. 152 00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:50,600 I'D COME HOME FROM A HARD DAY'S WORK, 153 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,600 YOUR MOTHER WOULD MIX ME A DRINK, 154 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,367 I'D COME DOWN HERE, PUT ON THE HI-FI, 155 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:59,667 AND LET DUKE AND DIZZY TAKE ME AWAY... 156 00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:03,333 ...FROM YOUR MOTHER. 157 00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:04,533 - I ALMOST GOT IT, DAD. 158 00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:06,267 - AND THEN ONE DAY, I CAME DOWN, 159 00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:07,733 AND WHERE MY RECORDS USED TO BE, 160 00:07:07,733 --> 00:07:10,400 YOU HAD SET UP YOUR STUPID RACE-CAR TRACK THING. 161 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,067 MY RECORDS WERE OVER THERE, 162 00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,933 PUSHED UP AGAINST THE FURNACE. 163 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:18,800 THEY DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE. 164 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,067 - OPEN. 165 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,600 - COME ON, MARIE. I'M STARVING. 166 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,367 - NO, WAIT, DAD. I'M GETTING IT NOW. 167 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:27,000 - WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED, SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS, RAYMOND. 168 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,633 - STOP, I'M GETTING IT. 169 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,667 IT'S ALMOST OPEN. WILL YOU STOP IT? 170 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:31,867 STOP! I'M GONNA GET IT! 171 00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:33,200 YOU'RE GONNA HEAR IT IN A FEW SECONDS! 172 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,367 WILL YOU STOP IT? 173 00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:36,133 ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT. 174 00:07:36,133 --> 00:07:38,600 FORGET IT. FORG-- 175 00:07:40,967 --> 00:07:44,633 FORGET IT. 176 00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:48,467 I DON'T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF YOU. 177 00:07:58,067 --> 00:07:59,400 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 178 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,133 MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER, 179 00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:04,567 WE'RE THROUGH WITH 'EM. 180 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,367 - YOU READ MY LETTER TO SANTA. 181 00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:13,700 - HE'S-- HE'S UNBELIEVABLE. 182 00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,300 YOU KNOW, I TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE. 183 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:20,500 I--I TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. 184 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,600 - UH...RAY? 185 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,767 WHAT HAPPENED OVER THERE? 186 00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:29,933 - THIS IS MY MOTHER'S. 187 00:08:29,933 --> 00:08:31,700 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? 188 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:32,767 NOTHING HAPPENED. 189 00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:34,267 OKAY, HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO THE CDs, 190 00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:35,600 BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT RECORDS. 191 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,733 EW! 192 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:39,900 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. CALM DOWN. LISTEN-- 193 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,200 - NO, YOU GOT TO GET RID OF THAT. 194 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,500 - OKAY, I'LL WRAP IT. 195 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:47,400 I NEED A STOCKING STUFFER FOR YOUR MOTHER ANYWAY. 196 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,633 AT LEAST I KNOW SHE'LL LIKE IT. 197 00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:51,433 - I HOPE NONE OF THESE ARE FOR HIM. 198 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:53,000 'CAUSE HE'S JUST GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE BASEMENT 199 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,000 OR TRADE 'EM IN FOR A BUGGY WHIP AND WOODEN TEETH. 200 00:09:00,433 --> 00:09:03,000 - RAY, YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER. 201 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,733 HE HATES ANYTHING NEW. 202 00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:07,367 - YES, BUT IF HE WOULD JUST LISTEN TO THE CDs 203 00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:10,600 AND HEAR HOW GREAT THEY SOUND, I KNOW HE WOULD LOVE THEM. 204 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,333 - NO, RAY, HE WOULDN'T. - YES, HE WOULD. 205 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,767 - RAY, WOULD YOU JUST COME HERE. - I CAN'T STAND HIM. 206 00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,633 - COME ON, SIT DOWN. - WHY CAN'T HE JUST-- 207 00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:16,633 - SIT DOWN. 208 00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:20,300 - I'M ALL CLENCHY. - [scoffs] 209 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,400 LET'S REMEMBER... 210 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,700 THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE YOUR PROBLEM. 211 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:29,133 ANY TIME YOUR FATHER BRINGS UP THOSE JAZZ RECORDS, 212 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:31,067 DON'T LET YOURSELF GET SUCKED IN. 213 00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,667 THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS. 214 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:35,600 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AS BAD AS HIM, DO YOU? 215 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,400 DON'T RESPOND. 216 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,967 YOU'RE BETTER THAN HIM. 217 00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,233 - DAMN STRAIGHT. - YEAH. 218 00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:42,133 LET HIM BE MAD. 219 00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,000 LET HIM HOLD ONTO IT. 220 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,933 IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. 221 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,233 THIS IS HIS PROBLEM. 222 00:09:47,233 --> 00:09:51,033 YOU CAN MOVE ON. 223 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:56,533 - YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? - WHAT? 224 00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:58,267 - I'M GONNA SNEAK IN AND SET UP THE CD PLAYER! 225 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,333 - RAY, YOU WEREN'T EVEN LISTENING TO-- 226 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,200 - YES, WHEN THEY GO OUT TONIGHT, I'M GOING IN. 227 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,433 THAT OLD MAN, 228 00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:04,800 HE'S GONNA HEAR HOW GREAT CDs ARE 229 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,400 AND THAT THEY'RE BETTER THAN RECORDS, 230 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,600 AND THAT WILL SHUT HIM UP ONCE AND FOR ALL. 231 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,967 YES, MWAH! THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. 232 00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:13,600 [humming "Deck the Halls"] 233 00:10:17,633 --> 00:10:20,500 - RAY? 234 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,133 - OH, HEY. 235 00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:23,200 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 236 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,633 I'M WAITING FOR MY PARENTS. 237 00:10:24,633 --> 00:10:25,933 WHEN THEY COME HOME, I'M GONNA PLAY THE CD. 238 00:10:25,933 --> 00:10:27,433 THEY'RE OUT. 239 00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,033 THEY'RE DOING THEIR LAST-MINUTE CHRISTMAS EVE 240 00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:31,933 SAVE-A-DOLLAR-ON-TINSEL SHOPPING. 241 00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,967 - HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK THERE? 242 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,633 - ABOUT AN HOUR. 243 00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:39,267 - HONEY, COME ON, COME HOME. - NO, NO, NO. 244 00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,533 I GOT THE CD ALL SET UP. I GOT THE REMOTE. 245 00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,500 AND WHEN THEY COME IN, I'M JUST GONNA PLAY THE MUSIC, 246 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,300 AND I'M NOT EVEN GONNA SAY ANYTHING TO THEM. 247 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,367 - I TOLD YOU LEAVE A LIGHT ON OUT HERE. 248 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,600 I CAN'T EVEN SEE MY KEYS. 249 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,933 - JUST OPEN THE DAMN DOOR. 250 00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:55,433 - LOOK OUT. 251 00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:59,233 [jazz music blaring] 252 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:02,333 - HOLY CRAP! 253 00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:03,500 [overlapping shouts under loud music] 254 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,233 - TURN IT DOWN! - I'M TRYING! 255 00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,333 YOU'RE BLOCKING THE LASER-- 256 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:12,333 [music stops] 257 00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:23,900 SEE, WITH A CD, YOU CAN TURN IT LOUD, NO DISTORTION. 258 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,900 - OH, MY HEART. 259 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:30,467 OH, MY EGGS. 260 00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,333 - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO US? 261 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,300 - OH, THAT WAS AWFUL, RAYMOND. 262 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,600 - YES, AND THESE ORNAMENTS WERE ON SALE! 263 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,467 - I'M SORRY. 264 00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,033 I'M SORRY. I JUST--I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY 265 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,433 TO HEAR YOUR JAZZ RECORDS 266 00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:44,433 LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD 'EM BEFORE. 267 00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:46,600 - YEAH, THAT'S LIKE I'VE NEVER HEARD 'EM BEFORE. 268 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,367 I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS GONNA BE 269 00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:51,667 THE SOUND TRACK TO MY FUNERAL. 270 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:52,667 - HO, HO, HO. 271 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:56,500 - WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT! 272 00:12:08,733 --> 00:12:11,767 - WHAT AM I SITTING IN? 273 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:17,233 - EGGS...AND EGGNOG. 274 00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:22,200 - AND WHAT IS VERY SHARP? 275 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,600 - THAT MIGHT BE THE MENORAH. 276 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,800 - MENORAH? 277 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,433 - IT WAS A BIG SALE. 278 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,467 - WHAT HAPPENED HERE? 279 00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:45,233 - OH, IT WAS RAYMOND'S HORRIBLE MACHINE. 280 00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:47,000 - IT'S NOT A HORRIBLE MACHINE, MOM. 281 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,300 IT'S A CD PLAYER. 282 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,900 PLEASE, LET ME JUST PLAY YOU ONE SONG. 283 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,667 - OH, GOD, NO. HE'S GONNA TURN IT ON AGAIN! 284 00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,600 - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY CDs. 285 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,567 IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU RUINED MY RECORDS, 286 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,933 YOU RUINED MY FLOOR, MY ORNAMENTS, 287 00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:02,267 AND MY COOK! 288 00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:07,433 - LOOK, PLEASE, JUST LISTEN TO IT. 289 00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:09,167 - NO. - BUT LISTEN! 290 00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:11,567 - NO! - GUYS, GUYS. 291 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:15,167 I THINK... 292 00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:19,233 I THINK... 293 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,700 I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP. 294 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,733 I WAS GONNA GIVE THIS TO YOU TOMORROW, DAD, 295 00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:26,600 BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEE IT NOW. 296 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,933 HERE YOU GO, POP. 297 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,667 FROM ME TO YOU. 298 00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:33,000 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 299 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,600 - THESE ARE MY RECORDS. 300 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,233 - NOT ALL OF THEM. 301 00:13:41,233 --> 00:13:43,367 BUT ROBERT AND I WENT TO SOME GARAGE SALES 302 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,733 AND USED RECORD STORES THIS WEEKEND. 303 00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,767 - AND I THINK WE CAME ACROSS SOME OF YOUR FAVORITES. 304 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:51,333 - "BEN WEBSTER MEETS OSCAR PETERSON." 305 00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:55,000 I HAVEN'T HEARD THIS ALBUM IN 30 YEARS. 306 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,733 AHH. GENUINE AMERICAN VINYL. 307 00:13:59,733 --> 00:14:01,300 - LOOK. LOOK, DAD. 308 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,467 GOT THE SAME EXACT THING, OKAY? 309 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,200 SEE, BEN MEETS OSCAR HERE TOO. 310 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,100 OKAY, IT'S THE SAME THING. LISTEN TO THIS. 311 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,000 - RAY, YOU GOT TO LET IT GO. 312 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,300 - YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN? 313 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,333 - OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH. 314 00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:13,533 YOU WOULD LIKE NOTHING BETTER 315 00:14:13,533 --> 00:14:15,233 THAN TO HAVE ME SUFFER FOR 30 YEARS, 316 00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:18,233 AND THEN YOU JUST SWOOP IN AND BE THE HERO. 317 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,833 YEAH, WELL, NICE TRY, EGG ASS. 318 00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:24,133 ALL RIGHT? 319 00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:26,033 I WAS THE ONE WHO RUINED THE JAZZ RECORDS. 320 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,533 I'LL BE THE ONE TO REPLACE THEM. 321 00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:31,933 - OH, WAIT, WAIT, RAYMOND, WAIT. 322 00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:35,100 ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD. 323 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:38,867 [jazz music playing] 324 00:14:38,867 --> 00:14:42,500 HUH? LISTEN TO THAT SOUND. 325 00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:46,633 IT'S LIKE OSCAR PETERSON IS SITTING 326 00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:49,567 RIGHT HERE AT THE PIANO. 327 00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,900 PLAY IT, OSCAR. 328 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:55,533 PLAY IT, YOU SWINGING JAZZ CAT. 329 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,200 [music stops] 330 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,267 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 331 00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:05,567 - I WANT TO HEAR MY JAZZ RECORDS. 332 00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:07,567 - YOU CAN'T GIVE IT TO ME, CAN YOU? 333 00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:11,267 THOSE CDs, THEY SOUND GREAT, AND YOU KNOW IT, 334 00:15:11,267 --> 00:15:12,667 BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE IT UP. 335 00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,467 YOU JUST GOT TO KEEP TORTURING ME! 336 00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:16,200 - I LOVED THOSE DAMN ALBUMS. 337 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,100 I WAS HOPING SOMEDAY YOU MIGHT LOVE THEM TOO, 338 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:22,600 INSTEAD OF YOUR HIPPIE JUNGLE CRAP. 339 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:27,133 - THOSE BEATLES WERE AWFUL, RAYMOND. 340 00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:29,333 - I KNOW, DAD. I KNOW YOU LOVED 'EM. 341 00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:31,200 OKAY, THAT'S ALL I EVER HEARD. 342 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,467 "SHUT UP, KIDS. I'M LISTENING TO MY RECORDS." 343 00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:34,700 - THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU RUIN 'EM? 344 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,033 - I DON'T REMEMBER. I WAS 10! 345 00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:38,900 WHY DO YOU KEEP TAKING THIS OUT ON ME? 346 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:40,067 - 'CAUSE YOU DID IT! 347 00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:41,100 - I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE. 348 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,233 - I'M NOT SO SURE! 349 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,367 - WAIT! LISTEN TO ME... 350 00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:46,233 - WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! 351 00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:49,933 I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 352 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:54,733 THAT CHRISTMAS DAY IN 1969...UM... 353 00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:56,167 - WHAT IS IT, ROBERT? 354 00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:59,767 - I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW. 355 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:10,600 ALL RIGHT, THAT CHRISTMAS... 356 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,600 I WANTED THE HOT WHEELS RACE TRACK SET SO BAD. 357 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,100 I WOULD SEE THOSE COMMERCIALS, 358 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,000 AND I WOULD THINK, "THIS IS MY YEAR, MAN." 359 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,600 I COULD SEE MYSELF SETTING UP 360 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,767 THAT BEAUTIFUL BRIGHT ORANGE TRACK 361 00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:24,533 WITH THE MAROON CONNECTORS. 362 00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:28,233 AND YOU KNOW WHAT WAS UNDER THE TREE WAITING FOR ME? 363 00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:32,033 CUSTOM-ORDER CORRECTIVE SHOES. 364 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,867 - DR. FISHMAN SAID THAT THEY WERE THE BEST 365 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:41,567 FOR OVERSIZED FEET. 366 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,800 - I LOOKED OVER. 367 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:47,667 I SAW RAYMOND...ELBOW DEEP IN A BOX OF HOT WHEELS. 368 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:51,100 MY HOT WHEELS. 369 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,100 - [gasps] 370 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,800 YOU MOVED HIS RECORDS! 371 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,767 - EXCUSE ME, MAY I FINISH MY STORY, PLEASE? 372 00:16:58,767 --> 00:16:59,967 - GO AHEAD, ROBERT. 373 00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:03,467 - THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SWEETIE. 374 00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:06,133 I HATED YOU. 375 00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:12,567 YOU GOT MY HOT WHEELS FOR CHRISTMAS. 376 00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:14,433 EVERYTHING I EVER DREAMED ABOUT: 377 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,067 THE TRACK, THE CARS, THE LOOP-DE-LOOP. 378 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:20,233 - YOU MOVED HIS RECORDS. 379 00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,833 - LATER THAT DAY, 380 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,067 AFTER RAYMOND WAS TIRED OF PLAYING WITH HIS NEW HOT WHEELS, 381 00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:27,067 FOR A TOTAL OF FOUR MINUTES, 382 00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:30,600 I PULLED OFF MY CLUNKY CORRECTIVE SHOES 383 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,167 AND SLIPPED DOWNSTAIRS. 384 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:35,600 NOW IT WAS MY TURN. 385 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,933 RAYMOND, OF COURSE, HAD THE TRACK SET UP ALL WRONG. 386 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:43,133 AN OVAL. 387 00:17:43,133 --> 00:17:46,733 OH, WHAT A VISIONARY YOU ARE. 388 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:53,433 I WANTED TO SET IT UP LIKE THE KID ON THE BOX, 389 00:17:53,433 --> 00:17:57,233 THAT HAPPY, BROTHERLESS BOY. 390 00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:04,600 AND, IN DOING SO, 391 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:09,667 YOUR RECORDS MAY HAVE BEEN MOVED. 392 00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:13,333 - THEY MAY HAVE? 393 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:14,333 - I MOVED YOUR RECORDS. 394 00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:17,267 - YOU MOVED HIS RECORDS! 395 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,300 UNBELIEVABLE. 396 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:26,167 YOU--YOU LET ME SUFFER FOR 30 YEARS! 397 00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:31,667 - YES. 398 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,300 - YOU TWO ARE SO SCREWED UP. 399 00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:43,100 - I'M SORRY, RAYMOND. 400 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:46,333 I'M SORRY, DAD. 401 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:50,100 - UH, IT'S OKAY. 402 00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:53,600 - IT'S OKAY? 403 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,233 NOW IT'S OKAY? 404 00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:58,533 - WILL YOU GIVE IT UP ALREADY? IT WAS 30 YEARS AGO. 405 00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:00,300 - WHY DON'T YOU DIP YOUR PANTS IN CINNAMON 406 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,600 AND MAKE US SOME FRENCH TOAST? 407 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,900 - WHY DON'T YOU DIP YOUR PANTS-- 408 00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:05,833 - THAT DOESN'T MAKE-- - DIP YOUR PANTS-- 409 00:19:05,833 --> 00:19:11,467 - MY PANTS ARE DRY, YOU IDIOT! - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! 410 00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,833 WHY DON'T YOU GO PUT ON ONE OF THOSE RECORDS? 411 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,700 I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT. 412 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,367 - GOOD IDEA, SISTER. 413 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,567 - WITH PLEASURE, DAD. 414 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,333 - HERE, ROBERT. THIS IS A NICE ONE. 415 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:25,067 - THANK YOU, DARLING. 416 00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,100 - GREAT, SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY CDs NOW? 417 00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,000 - YOU TAKE THEM, YOU LISTEN TO THEM, 418 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,467 YOU MIGHT LIKE THEM. 419 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:39,333 YOU SHOULD TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND ABOUT THINGS. 420 00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:43,800 - ALL RIGHT. HERE IT IS. 421 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,633 [scratchy, hissing jazz version of "Bye Bye Blackbird"] 422 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,733 - NOW THAT'S MUSIC. 423 00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:07,367 [music continues] 424 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:22,067 - OKAY, NOW THIS IS "TO DADDY FROM MICHAEL AND GEOFFREY." 425 00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:25,833 - OH. THANK YOU. 426 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:29,333 - HEY, WHAT IS THAT? 427 00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:32,400 - IT'S A NEW DICTIONARY. - OH. 428 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,767 - ISN'T THAT SWEET? 429 00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:35,433 THEY FELT BAD ABOUT RUINING YOUR OLD ONE. 430 00:20:35,433 --> 00:20:37,167 - HMM. - IT'S ELECTRONIC. 431 00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:41,900 - [chuckles] 432 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:45,833 IT'S BETTER. 433 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:48,833 - AND I LOVE IT. 434 00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:53,400 BUT NOT MORE THAN I LOVE YOU. 435 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:58,800 AW. HMM, HMM, HMM. 436 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,700 - WHY DON'T YOU LOOK UP "FRUITCAKE" IN THERE. 437 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:06,700 - [laughs] FRUITCAKE WITH SISSY SAUCE. 438 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,367 - OH, LOOK, MARIE. 439 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:14,933 THERE'S ONE MORE THING LEFT IN YOUR STOCKING. 440 00:21:14,933 --> 00:21:19,100 - THANK YOU, DEAR. 441 00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:22,333 "TO MARIE FROM DEBRA." 442 00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:25,533 AW. 443 00:21:30,933 --> 00:21:35,900 OH. THANK YOU, DEBRA. 444 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,267 - YOU LIKE IT? 445 00:21:37,267 --> 00:21:39,167 - WELL, TO BE HONEST, 446 00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:42,767 IT'S NOT A STYLE I'D EVER WEAR. 447 00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:50,733 NICE TRY, THOUGH.