1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,500 - HEY, GUYS. DADDY'S PULLING IN. 2 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,367 HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR MEATLOAF. 3 00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:06,600 - I LIKE YOUR NEW HAIRCUT, MOMMY. 4 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,600 - OH, THANK YOU, HONEY. 5 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,333 - DO YOU THINK DADDY WILL NOTICE? 6 00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:11,100 - I DON'T KNOW. YOU WANT TO BET? 7 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,367 - YEAH! - YEAH, SURE. 8 00:00:12,367 --> 00:00:14,400 - OKAY, WHICH SIDE YOU WANT TO TAKE? 9 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,200 - I BET HE WON'T NOTICE. 10 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,667 - I WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT ONE! 11 00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:21,400 OKAY, HE'S COMING. HURRY UP. QUIET. 12 00:00:22,967 --> 00:00:26,100 - HEY, GLADYS KNIGHT AND THE PIPS. 13 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:29,133 - HI, HONEY. - HI, DADDY. 14 00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:32,033 - HMM. WHERE'S THE MAIL? 15 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:36,533 - IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU. 16 00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:41,867 HI. 17 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,300 - HEY. HMM. 18 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,867 WHAT'S UP? 19 00:00:44,867 --> 00:00:47,000 - NOTHING. 20 00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:54,167 - LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAD A GLASS OF WINE. 21 00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:56,300 - NO, NO. 22 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,867 - SO WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 23 00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:02,233 - NOTHING. JUST... 24 00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:06,600 LOOKING AT YOU. 25 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,233 - YOU'RE DRUNK. 26 00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:10,600 LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THAT. 27 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,133 THEY SPELLED "NCAA" WITH THREE "A"s. 28 00:01:13,133 --> 00:01:14,833 HOW DID THEY NOT CATCH THAT? 29 00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:16,900 - TA-DA! 30 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,167 [kids giggle] 31 00:01:19,167 --> 00:01:20,833 - WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY? 32 00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:23,767 - WE BET MOMMY YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE HER HAIRCUT, AND WE WIN. 33 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:27,933 - WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS DOING, CHECKING FOR LICE? 34 00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:30,233 - NO, NO. LISTEN, I NOTICED IT. 35 00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:31,667 I'M JUST-- 36 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,200 NO, IT LOOKS GOOD. IT LOOKS GOOD. 37 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,633 IT TOTALLY COMPLEMENTS YOUR...HEAD, YEAH. 38 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,800 - DADDY, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE MY HAIRCUT EITHER. 39 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,333 - I--NO, I DID, I DID. IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 40 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,633 - I DIDN'T GET A HAIRCUT. 41 00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,600 - NICE ONE. 42 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,500 - [laughs mockingly] VERY FUNNY. 43 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,133 YOU KNOW, ALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT, OKAY. 44 00:01:55,133 --> 00:01:56,900 'CAUSE ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO WANT ME TO NOTICE, 45 00:01:56,900 --> 00:02:00,133 AND--AND NOW YOU'RE THE GIRL WHO CRIED HAIRCUT. 46 00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:07,333 HEY, GUYS. 47 00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:09,267 - DADDY, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK? 48 00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:12,467 - YEAH, YEAH, FORGET THAT. LISTEN. LISTEN. 49 00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:16,200 I THOUGHT OF A FUNNY BET THAT WE CAN DO TO MOMMY, OKAY? 50 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,733 WE'LL TURN ON THE TV, AND THEN WE'LL BET 51 00:02:17,733 --> 00:02:20,700 HOW LONG IT TAKES HER TO SAY, "TURN IT OFF." 52 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:24,267 [laughs] 53 00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:25,667 - BUT I DON'T GET IT. 54 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,633 - YEAH, MOMMY'S BETS ARE FUNNY. 55 00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:29,733 - WELL, THIS IS FUNNY. THIS-- 56 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,500 WAIT A MINUTE. 57 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,733 DOES--DOES MOMMY DO OTHER BETS BESIDES THE HAIRCUT ONE? 58 00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:38,867 - YEAH. 59 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,267 - LIKE WHAT? 60 00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:41,733 - WELL, SOMETIMES WHEN YOU CALL 61 00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:43,533 TO SAY WHAT TIME YOU'LL BE HOME FROM WORK, 62 00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:47,167 SHE BETS US WHAT TIME YOU'LL REALLY BE HOME. 63 00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:51,733 - IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS SO LATE. 64 00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:56,933 - [laughs] YEAH. YEAH, THAT IS FUNNY, YEAH. 65 00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:59,833 WHAT ELSE? 66 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:03,333 - SHE BETS US WHAT YOU'LL FORGET AT THE GROCERY STORE. 67 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:08,700 - AND IF YOU DID THE LAUNDRY. 68 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:12,300 - AND HOW LONG YOU'LL TAKE IN THE BATHROOM. 69 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,367 - I ALWAYS SAY, "INFINITY." 70 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,333 [TV turns on] 71 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:26,333 - HEY, NO TV DURING HOMEWORK. 72 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,333 - [laughs] I WIN! I WIN THE BET! 73 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,600 I WIN THE-- HO, HO, MOMMY! 74 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,333 WHOO, THAT WAS HILARIOUS, HUH? UP HIGH! 75 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,933 YEAH! THAT WAS FUNNY. 76 00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,300 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 77 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,600 - OH, NOTHING. I JUST-- 78 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,033 I BET THAT YOU WOULD SAY "TURN THE TV OFF," 79 00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:43,233 AND YOU DID! SO PREDICTABLE! WHOA! 80 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:47,033 MAN, THAT WAS CLASSIC, RIGHT? 81 00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,567 - WAIT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 82 00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:51,800 YOU'D BET THAT I'D BE A RESPONSIBLE PARENT? 83 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,200 [kids laughing] 84 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,133 - WHAT'S SO FUNNY? 85 00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:59,167 - NOT DADDY. 86 00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,733 - WHAT? NO. 87 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,000 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT RAYMOND'S SENSE 88 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,200 OF HUMOR WAS WONDERFUL. 89 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,867 HERE, RAYMOND. I BROUGHT YOU THIS CAKE. 90 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:10,400 - HALF IS FOR ME AND AMY. 91 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,900 - ROBBIE, I SAID I'D BRING IT OVER TO YOU. 92 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:17,033 - I'LL SUPERVISE THE CUTTING, THANK YOU. 93 00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:18,833 - HEY, THIS IS COOL, THIS IS COOL. 94 00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:21,233 I'LL BET HALF OF GRANDMA'S CAKE 95 00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:25,300 IS STILL BETTER THAN A WHOLE ONE OF MOMMY'S. 96 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,467 - EXCUSE ME? 97 00:04:28,467 --> 00:04:34,000 - RAYMOND, THAT'S NOT NICE TO SAY OUT LOUD. 98 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,800 - NO. NO, NO, IT'S FINE, MA. 99 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,467 WE'RE JUST MAKING FUNNY BETS, YOU KNOW? 100 00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:40,267 OKAY, SO WHO WANTS TO BET THAT MOMMY'S CAKE 101 00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:43,700 PROBABLY ISN'T AS DELIGHTFUL AS IT SHOULD BE? 102 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,833 - KIDS, YOU WANT TO FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK UPSTAIRS, PLEASE? 103 00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,267 - YEAH, OKAY, GO UPSTAIRS. 104 00:04:49,267 --> 00:04:51,100 YOU WOULDN'T WANT A BEDTIME SNACK 105 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,500 'CAUSE ALL WE GOT IS MOMMY FOOD. 106 00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:57,100 - RAY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? 107 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,433 - YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON? - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON. 108 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,600 SHE BETS THE KIDS THAT I'LL DO STUPID STUFF. 109 00:05:06,633 --> 00:05:09,767 - ARE THE BETTING WINDOWS STILL OPEN? 110 00:05:12,033 --> 00:05:13,933 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 111 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:16,233 WHAT ARE THESE BETS? 112 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,967 - NO, THEY'RE JUST JOKES. 113 00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:21,533 YOU KNOW, LIKE WE BET WHETHER RAY WOULD NOTICE MY NEW HAIRCUT, 114 00:05:21,533 --> 00:05:23,033 WHICH HE DIDN'T. 115 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,800 - WELL, MAYBE HE WAS JUST BEING POLITE. 116 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,367 - YEAH, YEAH. MAYBE YOUR HAIRCUT'S JUNKY. 117 00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:28,867 - ALL RIGHT, NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME. 118 00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:30,267 - I'LL BET I WON'T. 119 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,033 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU-- 120 00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:33,300 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME? 121 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:36,533 - HOLD IT! HOLD IT! HOLD IT! 122 00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:40,333 I MADE CAKE... 123 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,367 AND BEFORE ANOTHER CROSS WORD IS SAID, 124 00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:45,267 WHY DON'T WE JUST ALL SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME? 125 00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:48,400 IT'S MY WORLD-FAMOUS CHOCOLATE LAYER CAKE. 126 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,033 OH-- 127 00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:54,100 FRANK. 128 00:05:54,100 --> 00:06:00,033 LOOK. YOU CAN SEE THE IMPRINT OF HIS FACE. 129 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,333 - THAT'S YOUR HALF. 130 00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:06,300 - RAY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET. 131 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,333 YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING JOKES ABOUT ME. 132 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,700 - YEAH, YEAH. YES, I AM-- 133 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:12,633 TO MY FRIENDS, NOT IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN. 134 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,967 - TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS. 135 00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,333 - YOU-- 136 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,767 YOUR BETS ARE TURNING THE KIDS AGAINST ME. 137 00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:22,533 - WHAT? RAY, WE'RE JUST HAVING SOME FUN. 138 00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:25,367 - NO, YOU'RE POISONING THEIR MINDS! 139 00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,767 THOSE KIDS, THEY USED TO THINK THAT I WAS SUPERMAN! 140 00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:30,200 I'D COME HOME EVERY NIGHT, AND THEY'D RUN UP TO ME, 141 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,800 "YAY! DADDY'S HOME! DADDY'S HOME!" 142 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,100 BUT NOW THEY DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE HOME ALL DAY 143 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:39,533 PAINTING ME TO THEM AS SOME BIG, DUMB DOOF! 144 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:43,233 - DON'T EVER QUIT PAINTING, DEBRA. 145 00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,600 - OKAY, RAY. 146 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,700 IF THE BETS BOTHER YOU, I CAN CERTAINLY STOP. 147 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,100 - GOOD. - FINE. 148 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,433 BUT THERE IS ANOTHER SOLUTION. 149 00:06:49,433 --> 00:06:51,900 YOU WANT THEM TO THINK YOU'RE SUPERMAN? 150 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,367 - I AM! I AM LIKE SUPERMAN! 151 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:55,667 - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT 152 00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:58,633 JUST WALKING AROUND IN YOUR UNDERWEAR. 153 00:06:58,633 --> 00:07:02,233 - [laughs] WALKING IN THE UNDERWEAR! 154 00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:05,100 - LET ME ASK YOU: WOULD SUPERMAN HAVE CALLED ME TONIGHT 155 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,633 TO SAY HE'S RUNNING LATE AT WORK, 156 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,800 EVEN THOUGH I COULD HEAR GIANNI'S PLAYSTATION 157 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,400 IN THE BACKGROUND? 158 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,633 - LOOK, UP IN THE SKY! IT'S "BAD HUSBAND"! 159 00:07:15,633 --> 00:07:16,667 THAT'S RIGHT. 160 00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:18,233 - DEBRA. 161 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:23,633 MAY I SAY SOMETHING AS AN IMPARTIAL OBSERVER? 162 00:07:23,633 --> 00:07:26,067 WOULDN'T YOUR TIME BE BETTER SPENT 163 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:28,433 TALKING THINGS OUT WITH RAYMOND 164 00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:33,367 INSTEAD OF TURNING YOUR CHILDREN INTO GAMBLERS? 165 00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:37,067 - MARIE, I TRY TO TALK TO RAYMOND ALL THE TIME, 166 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,367 BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN. 167 00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:40,500 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT CAN GET. 168 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,400 - THERE'S A CHOCOLATE-COVERED OLD MAN 169 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,300 SITTING ON MY GOOD COUCH, 170 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,900 AND I DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT CAN GET? 171 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,233 - YEAH. 172 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:53,100 - THIS IS A GOOD HUSBAND. 173 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,267 AND ANYTIME YOU WANT TO TRADE PLACES, 174 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:55,967 JUST SAY THE WORD. - YEAH. 175 00:07:55,967 --> 00:07:58,733 - I MEAN, IF I WERE 40 YEARS YOUNGER AND HE WASN'T MY SON-- 176 00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:03,500 - OKAY, MA. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 177 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,600 - AND RAYMOND IS ALSO AN EXCELLENT FATHER. 178 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,833 WHICH FRANK, I CAN ASSURE YOU, WAS NOT. 179 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:10,500 I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME SHIELDING THESE BOYS 180 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,100 FROM HIS BAD MOODS. - THAT'S RIGHT. 181 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:14,833 THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY NIGHT MOM WOULD SECRETLY TELL US 182 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:18,333 HOW BAD A MOOD DAD WAS IN ON A SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE. 183 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,500 - YEAH, YEAH, I REMEMBER. 184 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,300 "ONE" MEANT REGULAR GROUCHY, 185 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:25,033 AND "FIVE" MEANT, "RUN! RUN FOR YOU LIVES!" 186 00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:26,833 - THAT'S RIGHT. 187 00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:28,600 - [laughs] 188 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,467 - YOU REMEMBER WHAT A SKINFLINT HE WAS? 189 00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:32,967 - YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT, I REMEMBER. 190 00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:34,400 I REMEMBER YOU SAID, 191 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,300 "SKINFLINT'S THE PERFECT WORD FOR YOUR FATHER 192 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,233 BECAUSE HE'S CHEAP AND BALD." 193 00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:41,167 - HEY, HOW ABOUT THE IMITATION? 194 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,400 - NO. - OH, YES, DO IT! 195 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,200 - DO THE IMITATION, MA. DO IT, COME ON. 196 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,467 COME ON! DO IT! 197 00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:52,200 - WELL, HE HAD THIS WAY OF BELLOWING AT ME. 198 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,100 "MARIE, FOOD!" "MARIE, DRINK!" 199 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,700 "MARIE, MAALOX!" 200 00:08:59,933 --> 00:09:01,800 - OH, MY GOD. 201 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,933 - WHAT? 202 00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,900 - YOU DID IT TOO. 203 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,300 - DID WHAT? 204 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:11,667 - TRIED TO TURN US AGAINST OUR DAD. 205 00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,233 JUST LIKE DEBRA. 206 00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:16,033 - RAY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 207 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:19,133 - I DON'T DO ANYTHING LIKE DEBRA. 208 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:20,833 - YEAH, THAT'S A LITTLE NUTS, RAYMOND. 209 00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,067 - OH--OH, REALLY? 210 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,867 YOU DON'T THINK THAT MOM WANTED US 211 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,533 TO THINK THAT DAD WAS A JERK? 212 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:27,167 - WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, 213 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,933 BUT I THINK HE IS A JERK. 214 00:09:30,933 --> 00:09:32,167 - OF COURSE YOU THINK THAT NOW, 215 00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:37,367 AFTER 40 YEARS OF ANTI-PAPA PROPAGANDA! 216 00:09:38,633 --> 00:09:40,200 DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE KIDS 217 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,700 AND--AND MOM WOULD SIT YOU DOWN IN THE KITCHEN 218 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,233 FOR ONE OF HER CHATS? 219 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:48,733 - THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. 220 00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:50,833 - WELL, I REMEMBER THAT WAS MY WHOLE SATURDAY. 221 00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,300 DAD WOULD BE AT THE LODGE, 222 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,633 AND MOM WOULD SIT ME DOWN AND JUST GO ON AND ON 223 00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,733 ABOUT HOW-- HOW SHE CAN'T STAND HIM, 224 00:09:57,733 --> 00:10:01,300 AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW ANYBODY CAN LIVE WITH HIM, AND-- 225 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:06,233 AND THEN WHEN SHE WAS FINISHED, I'D GET A CADBURY EGG. 226 00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:14,167 - BUT, MARIE, WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SUCH A PERSONAL DISCUSSION 227 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,633 WITH YOUR SON? 228 00:10:15,633 --> 00:10:19,200 - AND WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER HAVE IT WITH ME? 229 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,433 - AND YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING. 230 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:24,567 - WHAT? I-I JUST MADE A COUPLE OF BETS. 231 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,400 - DON'T KID YOURSELF, LADY. 232 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,533 TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR. 233 00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,067 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT... 234 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,600 THAT'S ENOUGH, RAYMOND. 235 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,800 YOU HAVE BEEN HURTFUL TO BOTH ME AND DEBRA TODAY, 236 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:45,567 AND I THINK YOU OWE A FULL APOLOGY TO ME. 237 00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:48,433 - OH, I'M GOING TO APOLOGIZE... 238 00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:49,833 TO DAD! 239 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,867 - RAYMOND! 240 00:10:51,867 --> 00:10:54,400 - EXCUSE ME... 241 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:58,067 MY FATHER LIKES CAKE. 242 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,867 [door slams] 243 00:11:03,867 --> 00:11:05,100 - ROBBIE! 244 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:08,367 - OH, YOU'RE TALKING TO ME NOW? 245 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:11,500 BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU STILL OWE ME HALF A CAKE 246 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:16,533 AND A COUPLE HUNDRED CADBURY EGGS! 247 00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:28,367 - HEY, DAD. 248 00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:31,667 - HEY, MY CAKE. I WAS LOOKING FOR THAT. 249 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,833 - HERE. 250 00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:36,067 - HELLO, LITTLE FELLA. 251 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,367 MMM...MMM. 252 00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:47,200 - SO IF I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW THAT HE'S A SLOB, 253 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:50,467 THAT'S MA'S FAULT? 254 00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:52,900 - ALL RIGHT. LOOK. 255 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:53,933 - HEY! 256 00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,500 - LISTEN, DAD. 257 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,600 UH... 258 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:58,600 IN THE PAST, 259 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,333 I MAY HAVE BEEN UNDER THE IMPRESSION 260 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,633 THAT--THAT YOU WERE MAYBE... 261 00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,833 NOT SUCH A GOOD GUY. 262 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,233 BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK 263 00:12:07,233 --> 00:12:09,100 THAT I MAY HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE 264 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,767 THAT YOU WERE WORSE THAN YOU ARE. 265 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,500 OKAY, SO I'M THINKING 266 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:19,100 THAT MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SO BAD. 267 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,533 I-- 268 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,533 I GUESS I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT. 269 00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:26,667 - AM I DYING? 270 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,433 - NO, DAD, YOU'RE NOT DYING. 271 00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:39,333 - THEN TURN THE TV BACK ON. 272 00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,167 - NO, DAD, LISTEN. 273 00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:43,900 MA USED TO TALK BAD ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK 274 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:44,900 WHEN WE WERE KIDS. 275 00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,267 EVERY SATURDAY, 276 00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:48,133 SHE WOULD SIT ME DOWN AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU. 277 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:51,233 - AND? 278 00:12:51,233 --> 00:12:53,833 - WELL, THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU? 279 00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:57,867 - WHAT WOULD BOTHER ME IS IF I HAD TO LISTEN. 280 00:12:57,867 --> 00:12:59,967 - HELLO. 281 00:12:59,967 --> 00:13:01,100 - OH, NO. 282 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,400 DON'T EVEN TRY IT, MOM, OKAY? 283 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,800 I'M TALKING TO DAD NOW, ALL RIGHT? 284 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,567 YOU HAD THE FIRST 40 YEARS. 285 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:10,667 DAD, MOM'S THE REASON THAT I THINK YOU'RE CHEAP AND BALD! 286 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:14,433 - YOU DIDN'T GET THAT ON YOUR OWN? 287 00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:16,533 - NO! NO, SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHANCE. 288 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,533 SHE WAS ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU. 289 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,567 - SO MEN ARE ALLOWED TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT, 290 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,000 AND THE WOMEN JUST HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT. 291 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,900 THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH AMERICA! 292 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:29,167 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 293 00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:33,467 YOU SHOULD LEAVE AMERICA. 294 00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:35,133 - AND IT DIDN'T STOP WITH THE TALKING. 295 00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:37,600 I WAS READING LETTERS AT CAMP 296 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:43,367 ABOUT HOW MY MOMMY'S HUSBAND WASN'T EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE! 297 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:47,300 - THIS WAS THE NEWS FROM HOME. 298 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,233 - LOOK, THIS IS CRAZY. 299 00:13:49,233 --> 00:13:51,533 SOMEBODY MILK ME. 300 00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:52,967 - YOU SEE? 301 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,800 THAT'S WHY I HAD TO GO TO YOU. WHO ELSE WAS THERE? 302 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,233 - ANYONE HAVE A NOOSE? 303 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,500 - LISTEN, RAYMOND, I SPENT THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE 304 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,333 TRYING TO GET AN OUNCE OF COMPASSION OUT OF THIS MAN, 305 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,167 AND HE GAVE ME NOTHING. 306 00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:12,633 - WELL, DON'T TELL ME. TELL HIM. 307 00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:15,200 - YOU GAVE ME NOTHING, FRANK! 308 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,267 - THANKS A LOT, RAY. 309 00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:20,633 - YOU KNOW, JUST-- JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE, MA. 310 00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:22,867 - SO THIS IS WHOSE SIDE YOU'RE ON NOW? 311 00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:27,067 - NO, I'M THE SON. I'M NOT ON ANYBODY'S SIDE. 312 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,600 - WELL, I AM! 313 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,667 AND SINCE IT'S BEEN YOU AND RAYMOND ALL THESE YEARS, 314 00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,467 IT'S GOING TO BE ME AND DAD NOW. 315 00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:35,067 THAT'S RIGHT-- US TWO AGAINST YOU TWO. 316 00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:36,100 RIGHT, DAD? 317 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,600 - SURE. GET ME SOME MILK. 318 00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:43,267 - ALL RIGHT! 319 00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:48,567 AND I'M ALSO AVAILABLE TO TALK BEHIND RAYMOND AND MA'S BACK. 320 00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:50,533 - I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED, FRANK. 321 00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:53,367 YOU'VE CAUSED A SCHISM IN THE FAMILY. 322 00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,600 - AW, KNOCK IT OFF, MARIE. 323 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,433 DIDN'T YOU HEAR? RAY'S DONE BUYING YOUR BOO-HOO BALONEY. 324 00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,133 - YEAH, ESPECIALLY SINCE I JUST FOUND OUT 325 00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,033 THAT DEBRA'S DOING THE SAME THING. 326 00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:04,600 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 327 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,033 SHE MAKES BETS WITH THE KIDS THAT TURN THEM AGAINST ME. 328 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:09,700 - WIVES. - YEAH. 329 00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:14,200 WIVES! 330 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:23,967 - A FATHER LIVES FOR MOMENTS LIKE THESE. 331 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:27,033 - HEY, HERE'S YOUR MILK, DA-- 332 00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:39,000 AHH. 333 00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:49,000 THIS MILK MIGHT HAVE EXPIRED. 334 00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,533 - LISTEN TO ME, RAY. 335 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:01,600 YOUR BROTHER'S A CANDY PANTS. 336 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:06,000 BUT GUYS LIKE US, WE GOT TO BE STRONG. 337 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,567 - YEAH. - BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, 338 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,400 YOUR MOTHER WAS GOING TO COMPLAIN NO MATTER WHAT I DID. 339 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,300 SO I FIGURED, TO HELL WITH IT! 340 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,833 I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT. 341 00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:18,000 RIGHT? 342 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,700 - W--UH-- OKAY. 343 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,267 - RIGHT! 344 00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:23,967 BECAUSE THE MORE THE WIFE YAMMERS, 345 00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:25,667 THE MORE YOU CAN'T LISTEN. 346 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,433 I'VE BEEN THROUGH 46 YEARS OF... 347 00:16:27,433 --> 00:16:31,133 [shrill] "WHY CAN'T YOU BE A BETTER PERSON?" 348 00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:34,167 LOOK AT ME! 349 00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:38,533 AM I A BETTER PERSON? 350 00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:44,433 - NO. 351 00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:47,600 - I WIN! 352 00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,267 - HEY. 353 00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:55,600 - HEY, LISTEN, I WAS THINKING ABOUT TODAY-- 354 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,567 - I'M SORRY. - NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY. 355 00:16:58,567 --> 00:17:00,900 - OH, WELL, OKAY, BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW 356 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:04,533 THAT I'M GOING TO TRY HARDER AROUND HERE. 357 00:17:04,533 --> 00:17:05,800 SO... 358 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,633 YOU KNOW, 359 00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:12,833 YOU CAN SHUT DOWN THE CASINO, OKAY? 360 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,200 I MEAN, LOOK, I EVEN-- 361 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,767 I GOT YOU THAT YOGURT YOU SAID YOU WANTED. 362 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:17,333 - AW. 363 00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:21,667 WELL, THIS IS SOUR CREAM, BUT I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT. 364 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:24,167 - OH. HMM. SORRY. 365 00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:26,600 - NO, I'M SORRY. 366 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,167 NOBODY'S GOING TO BET AGAINST YOU ANYMORE, HMM? 367 00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:31,933 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 368 00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:34,900 FROM NOW ON, I'M ONLY GOING TO BUILD YOU UP TO THE KIDS. 369 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,600 - HMM. YEAH? - YEAH. 370 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,167 - LIKE WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY? 371 00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:40,467 - YOU KNOW, ALL THE GOOD STUFF. 372 00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:41,833 YOU'RE SWEET, YOU'RE FUNNY, 373 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:43,733 AND YOU'RE A GREAT GUY. 374 00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:48,033 - HUH. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ALL GOOD. 375 00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:55,533 WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SAY THAT? 376 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,533 - ALL THE TIME. 377 00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:59,867 - HMM. 378 00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:02,500 HOW ABOUT NOW? 379 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:03,667 - WHAT? 380 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,367 - WELL, I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU GOT GOING ON NOW? 381 00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,300 THE KIDS--THEY'RE JUST SITTING THERE, AND... 382 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,300 I DON'T KNOW, I-I'D KIND OF LIKE TO SEE THIS. 383 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:13,033 - RAY, THAT'S SO AWKWARD. 384 00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:16,167 I MEAN, CAN'T I JUST DO IT WHEN IT'S NATURAL TO DO IT? 385 00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:17,867 - COME ON. 386 00:18:17,867 --> 00:18:20,300 I GOT YOU SOUR CREAM. 387 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,967 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO DO IT. 388 00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:24,433 - OKAY. COME HERE. 389 00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:28,533 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 390 00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:32,167 WAIT. WAIT. 391 00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:36,200 [cartoons on TV] 392 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,000 [whispers] GO. 393 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,833 - HEY, KIDS, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 394 00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:43,400 - WHAT? WE WERE WATCHING THAT! - COME ON! 395 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:48,000 - SHOULD'VE WAITED FOR THE COMMERCIALS. 396 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,933 - LISTEN, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT DADDY. 397 00:18:49,933 --> 00:18:51,333 - WHAT'S THE BET? 398 00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:54,333 - UM...[clears throat] NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? 399 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,967 WE'RE ACTUALLY NOT GOING TO DO BETTING ANYMORE 400 00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:58,300 BECAUSE I THINK IT'S LEFT YOU WITH THE IMPRESSION 401 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:03,533 THAT DADDY'S...NOT SO COOL. AND DADDY IS COOL. 402 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,600 [kids giggling] 403 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,833 NO, HE IS! 404 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,733 YOU KNOW THAT. 405 00:19:08,733 --> 00:19:10,200 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 406 00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:13,800 [clears throat] 407 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,633 LISTEN, I-I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND 408 00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:17,300 THAT WHEN WERE DOING ALL THAT STUFF, 409 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,067 LIKE BETTING ON HAIRCUTS AND THE GROCERY STORE 410 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,233 AND "IS DADDY ZIPPED UP TODAY?"... 411 00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:25,233 [kids laughing] 412 00:19:33,467 --> 00:19:35,600 LISTEN... 413 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,667 I WANT YOU TO KNOW 414 00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:41,833 THAT I THINK YOUR DADDY IS A GREAT GUY. 415 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:43,600 HE WORKS VERY HARD, 416 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,033 HE HAS A LOT OF FUN WITH YOU GUYS, 417 00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:49,200 AND WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM. 418 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,300 I LOVE DADDY VERY MUCH. 419 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,767 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 420 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:56,800 I WOULD RATHER BE MARRIED TO HIM THAN SUPERMAN. 421 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,167 - YOU WOULD? 422 00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,733 - YES, I WOULD. 423 00:20:06,233 --> 00:20:08,567 - HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 424 00:20:08,567 --> 00:20:11,100 HEY! 425 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,100 OH! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU. 426 00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,533 WHAT'S GOING ON? 427 00:20:13,533 --> 00:20:15,967 - WE WERE JUST SAYING HOW GREAT DADDY IS. 428 00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,333 - YOU'RE GREAT, DADDY. 429 00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:20,733 - MY, MY! WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM? 430 00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:24,467 AW, YOU GUYS ARE-- YOU'RE GREAT TOO, YEAH. 431 00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:26,500 - OKAY, GUYS, YOU KNOW, IT'S TIME FOR BED. 432 00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,433 kids: NO! - AW, COME ON. 433 00:20:28,433 --> 00:20:30,267 COME ON, GUYS. IT'S BEDTIME. - YEAH. 434 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:32,067 HEY, HOW ABOUT IF DADDY READS YOU A BEDTIME STORY? 435 00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:35,567 kids: YEAH! 436 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,067 - OH. 437 00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:39,867 AH...I WANTED TO WATCH THE KNICK GAME. 438 00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:41,300 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 439 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,367 FORGET THE KNICKS. I WANT TO READ! 440 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,567 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, SUPERMAN'S COMING, 441 00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:47,133 HE'S GOING TO READ YOU A STORY, 442 00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:48,133 BUT HE'S GOING TO READ IT SUPER FAST, 443 00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:51,100 SO HE CAN WATCH THE KNICKS. 444 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,400 WAIT A MINUTE. 445 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,767 SUPERMAN WANTS TO USE HIS SUPERPOWERS. 446 00:20:55,767 --> 00:20:58,467 AH, YOU WORE THE LACY ONES. 447 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,333 - HEY. 448 00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,600 - HI. [door closes] 449 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,000 HEY, WHAT DO YOU GOT? A NEW SWEATER? 450 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,700 - YEAH. AMY GAVE IT TO ME. 451 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,700 I'VE BEEN GETTING COMPLIMENTS ALL DAY. 452 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:16,600 - HUH. 453 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,533 YEAH, IT'S PRETTY GOOD, MAN. 454 00:21:18,533 --> 00:21:19,700 - OH, YEAH? 455 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:20,967 HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET 456 00:21:20,967 --> 00:21:23,833 MOM WON'T EVEN NOTICE? 457 00:21:23,833 --> 00:21:25,600 - I'LL BET YOU SHE WILL. 458 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,433 - YOU'RE WRONG, AND YOU'RE WRONG. 459 00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:31,967 - HI, ROBBIE. - HEY, MA. 460 00:21:31,967 --> 00:21:35,633 - HOW'S AMY? - FINE, MA. 461 00:21:35,633 --> 00:21:38,200 - EXCUSE ME, ROBBIE. I HAVE TO GET TO THE SINK. 462 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,033 - AHA! I WIN! 463 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,300 - CONGRATULATIONS. 464 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,700 YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T NOTICE YOU. 465 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:53,467 - HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE UGLY SWEATER?