1 00:00:02,367 --> 00:00:04,633 - HEY. THERE THEY ARE. 2 00:00:04,633 --> 00:00:06,133 HOW WAS THE CARNIVAL? 3 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:08,600 - UNCLE ROBERT THREW UP. - ON A RIDE. 4 00:00:11,067 --> 00:00:12,733 - OH, ROBERT. 5 00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:16,867 - HE WAS ON ONE OF THE SPINNING RIDES. 6 00:00:16,867 --> 00:00:20,233 HE NAILED 11 PEOPLE. 7 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:26,733 - I HAD TO BUY A GUY A SHIRT. 8 00:00:26,733 --> 00:00:28,000 - HEY, GUESS WHAT. 9 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,033 THAT WAS MY COLLEGE ON THE PHONE. 10 00:00:29,033 --> 00:00:30,200 THEY WANT TO GIVE ME A DEGREE. 11 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,167 - I THOUGHT YOU HAD A DEGREE. 12 00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:34,933 - YEAH, WHAT THE HELL WERE WE PAYING FOR? 13 00:00:34,933 --> 00:00:36,433 - IT'S ANOTHER ONE. 14 00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:38,633 THEY CALL IT A HONORARY DOCTORATE. 15 00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:41,167 - OH! - OH! 16 00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:44,733 - I MIGHT THROW UP AGAIN. 17 00:00:44,733 --> 00:00:46,133 - OH, MY GOD! 18 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,200 RAYMOND, YOU'RE A DOCTOR! 19 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,067 - A DOCTORATE, MA. 20 00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,167 THEY CALL IT A DOCTORATE OF LETTERS. 21 00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,867 - THAT IS SO GREAT, HONEY, AWW... 22 00:00:54,867 --> 00:00:58,133 - WOW, RAY, CONGRATULATIONS! 23 00:00:58,133 --> 00:01:01,633 WE ARE SO HAPPY FOR YOU. 24 00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:03,467 - HOW MUCH DO THEY CHARGE FOR THIS? 25 00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:05,333 - NOTHING. - YEAH, RIGHT. 26 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,300 NO CONTRIBUTION AT ALL? 27 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,700 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- 28 00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:12,433 EDUCATION IS THE BIGGEST SCAM GOING. 29 00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:15,767 - DR. RAYMOND ALBERT BARONE. 30 00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:18,000 - YEAH, YEAH. 31 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,400 - HEY, DOCTOR, I GOT A MOLE 32 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,500 YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT ON MY BACKSIDE. 33 00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:32,733 - WELL, YOU MUST BE MY 9:30. 34 00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:37,167 - MM-HMM. 35 00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,933 SO WHAT'S YOUR DIAGNOSIS? 36 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,167 - I DON'T KNOW YET. 37 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,067 I MIGHT HAVE TO PUT MY HEALING HANDS 38 00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:46,533 ON YOUR LOVE-STARVED BODY. - OOH. 39 00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:47,767 OH, DOCTOR. 40 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,100 [both laugh] 41 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,533 DR. RAY. 42 00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:51,700 [laughs] 43 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,267 - WHAT? WHAT? 44 00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:56,467 - NO, IT'S JUST FUNNY CALLING YOU DOCTOR. 45 00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:59,233 - IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY. 46 00:01:59,233 --> 00:02:03,867 - DR. RAYMOND BARONE, Ph.D. 47 00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:06,300 - ALL RIGHT, STOP IT. 48 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,933 COME ON, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL 49 00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:11,633 ABOUT LAUGHING DURING SEX. 50 00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:13,267 - YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, YOU'RE NOT 51 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,433 THE MOST PROFESSORIAL KIND OF GUY. 52 00:02:16,433 --> 00:02:18,633 - I CAN BE EXCEEDINGLY PROFESSORIAL. 53 00:02:18,633 --> 00:02:19,633 - NO, I KNOW. 54 00:02:19,633 --> 00:02:22,033 I WAS JUST REMEMBERING THAT TIME 55 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:25,767 YOU READ THE WORD "STOMA-CHA-CHUH." 56 00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:29,133 - WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 57 00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:32,300 - YOU READ "STOMA-CHA-CHUH." 58 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,967 AND THE WORD REALLY IS... 59 00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:39,567 - STOMACHACHE. 60 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,633 - I AM JUST TEASING YOU. 61 00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:50,633 - YEAH, RIGHT. 62 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:51,867 - NO, COME ON. 63 00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:53,433 COME ON, KISS ME AGAIN. 64 00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:57,200 HEY, FOR ONCE, I DON'T HAVE A "HEAD-AH-CHA-CHUH." 65 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,800 - ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT. - NO, I'M KIDDING. 66 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,367 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST LIKE ROBERT AND MY FATHER. 67 00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:03,067 YOU DON'T THINK I DESERVE THIS. 68 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:06,033 - NO, OF COURSE, I THINK YOU DESERVE THIS. 69 00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,900 - EVEN THOUGH I'M AN IDIOT. - YES. 70 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,800 NO, NO, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT. 71 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,733 NO, YOU'RE VERY SMART. YOU DESERVE THIS. 72 00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:15,367 YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT. 73 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:18,000 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "DO GREAT"? 74 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,533 - WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR SPEECH. 75 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,233 WELL, YOU-- 76 00:03:23,233 --> 00:03:26,733 YOU KNEW YOU HAD TO GIVE A SPEECH, RIGHT? 77 00:03:29,633 --> 00:03:32,933 RAY, WHEN THEY GIVE YOU AN HONORARY DIPLOMA, 78 00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:34,800 YOU GIVE A SPEECH. 79 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,067 - IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? 80 00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:41,133 - WELL, IT'S NOT A SPEECH OTHERWISE. 81 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:46,200 IT'S JUST A CRAZY MAN. 82 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,933 - OH, MY GOD. 83 00:03:47,933 --> 00:03:49,233 - HONEY, YOU'LL DO FINE. 84 00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:51,533 - NO, I WON'T! 85 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:53,000 THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT ME TO BE SMART 86 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,400 IN FRONT OF SMART PEOPLE 87 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,133 AND SAY SMART THINGS, AND I'M NOT SMART, 88 00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:58,033 YOU KNOW IT, AND I KNOW IT. WE ALL KNOW IT. 89 00:03:58,033 --> 00:03:59,800 WHO AM I KIDDING? 90 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,433 - RAY, COME OUT. 91 00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:04,400 - NO! 92 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,433 I'M NEVER COMING OUT, SO YOU'RE FREE TO REMARRY. 93 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,167 - RAY... - JUST... 94 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:16,800 REMEMBER I CAN HEAR YOU IN HERE. 95 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,633 - HONEY, LISTEN... 96 00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:24,533 THEY WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO. 97 00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:26,167 THEY WANT THE STUDENTS TO SEE SOMEONE 98 00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:28,600 WHO LOVES HIS WORK AND IS A SUCCESS. 99 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,567 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SOUND LIKE A PROFESSOR. 100 00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:32,900 WHAT THEY WANT IS RAY BARONE. 101 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,400 YOU GIVE THEM THAT, 102 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,000 AND I PROMISE THEY WILL LOVE YOU. 103 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,767 - YEAH? 104 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:49,300 - POSITIVE. 105 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:59,067 OOH, I'M FEELING FEVERISH, DOCTOR. 106 00:04:59,067 --> 00:05:01,433 - OH, YES. YES, YOU ARE. 107 00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:03,767 I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE CAUGHT SOMETHING 108 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,767 FROM THE REST OF THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD. 109 00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,367 - OH, YES. 110 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:14,067 - STEP INTO MY OFFICE. - OOH! 111 00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:19,367 SO MUCH FUN. 112 00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:21,267 JUST BRING BACK MEMORIES AND, YOU KNOW... 113 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:24,467 - OH, WASN'T THAT WONDERFUL? 114 00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,633 - IT WAS PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT? YEAH. 115 00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,400 - ALL THE MONEY ON THAT DAMN COLLEGE, 116 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,067 THEY CAN'T PUT A CUSHION ON A FOLDING CHAIR? 117 00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:48,967 MY MOLE IS KILLING ME! 118 00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:50,200 - BOBBY, ARE YOU SURE 119 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,800 YOU GOT A PICTURE OF RAYMOND 120 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,133 SHAKING THE DEAN'S HAND? 121 00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:54,433 - I'M SURE, MOM. 122 00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,433 - AND PICTURES OF ME KISSING RAYMOND? 123 00:05:56,433 --> 00:05:59,467 - WE HAVE ENOUGH TO MAKE WALLPAPER. 124 00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:02,800 - HEY, LISTEN, GUYS, ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'RE HERE, 125 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,267 REALLY, TELL ME, 126 00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,200 HOW WAS MY SPEECH? 127 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,167 - EVERYONE LOVED IT! - YEAH? 128 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,200 - IT REALLY WAS GREAT, RAY. 129 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,067 SO FOLKSY. 130 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,933 - YOU DID A GOOD JOB, HONEY. 131 00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:18,000 - YEAH, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ROBE OFF NOW, MERLIN. 132 00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,833 BY THE WAY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MENTION TO EVERYBODY 133 00:06:24,833 --> 00:06:27,500 THAT WHEN I WAS A KID, I COULDN'T THROW A SPIRAL? 134 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,600 - THAT WAS TO SHOW HOW I GOT INTO CRITIQUING SPORTS. 135 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,000 - I LIKED THE PART ABOUT ME CURSING 136 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,367 AT THE PLAYERS ON TV. 137 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:35,133 - YEAH, YEAH, YOU LIKED THAT? 138 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,233 - IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU HAVE 139 00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:39,567 AN INFLUENCE ON YOUR KIDS. 140 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,967 - IT WAS THE BEST SPEECH I HAVE EVER HEARD. 141 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,233 - AH, YOU JUST LIKED IT 142 00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,000 BECAUSE YOU GOT A BIG SPECIAL MENTION. 143 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,300 - DID I? I DIDN'T NOTICE. 144 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:52,800 - YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD, RAY. 145 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,367 - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 146 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:56,800 - LET'S CELEBRATE, HUH? PUT OUT SOME FOOD. 147 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,633 - I'LL HELP YOU. - OKAY. 148 00:06:58,633 --> 00:07:02,767 - OOH, YES, THAT'S GOOD THINKING, AMY. 149 00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,500 - SO, RAY'S BIG DAY... 150 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,533 YOU MUST BE SO PROUD OF HIM. 151 00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:09,333 - YEAH, I AM PROUD OF HIM. 152 00:07:10,767 --> 00:07:11,933 - WHAT'S WRONG? 153 00:07:11,933 --> 00:07:13,300 - NOTHING. 154 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,400 - COME ON, SOMETHING'S UP. 155 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,200 - NO, REALLY, IT'S NOTHING. 156 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,200 - YOU CAN TELL ME. 157 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,600 - WELL, HE MADE A GREAT SPEECH TODAY, RIGHT? 158 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,967 I MEAN, HOW HE WORKED IN ALL THOSE LITTLE STORIES 159 00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:29,533 ABOUT EVERYBODY IN HIS LIFE? 160 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,133 - YEAH, THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART. 161 00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:33,567 - DID YOU NOTICE HE DIDN'T MENTION ME? 162 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,667 - OF COURSE HE DID. - NO. 163 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:40,067 - NO, I MEAN, HE MENTIONED FRANK AND ROBERT 164 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,700 AND THANKED MARIE AT THE END AND... 165 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:46,400 OH, MY GOD, HE DIDN'T MENTION YOU. 166 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,133 - IT'S FINE. IT IS. 167 00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,767 - YOU KNOW, DEB, I'M SURE RAY 168 00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:53,933 JUST MADE SOME KIND OF MISTAKE IN HIS SPEECH. 169 00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:55,767 HE JUST FORGOT. YOU SHOULD ASK HIM. 170 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,867 - NO, NO, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT. 171 00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:00,033 I WANT HIM TO ENJOY HIS DAY. 172 00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:03,200 - WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DIPLOMA. 173 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,567 - WHY DON'T YOU KEEP IT, MA? 174 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,500 - WHAT? - YEAH. 175 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,467 - REALLY? OH, NO. - SURE. 176 00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:10,200 I CAN'T HANG IT UP HERE. IT'D BE LIKE BRAGGING. 177 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,800 BESIDES, YOU DESERVE IT. 178 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,200 - OH, WHAT A BOY! 179 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,533 - OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. 180 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,533 - HE SAID OKAY! 181 00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:34,067 - CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE, RAY? 182 00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:36,333 - HUH? 183 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,267 - DEBRA WOULD KILL ME FOR THIS, BECAUSE SHE WON'T SAY ANYTHING, 184 00:08:43,267 --> 00:08:46,567 BUT I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW. 185 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,767 YOU DIDN'T MENTION HER IN YOUR SPEECH. 186 00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:53,200 - WHAT? NO...YES, I DID. 187 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,733 I DIDN'T? 188 00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:08,867 - OH, MY GOD. 189 00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:11,100 YOU DIDN'T THANK YOUR WIFE. 190 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,967 YOU SCREWED THE POOCH! 191 00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:16,200 - ROBERT, QUIET! 192 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,467 - WHAT DID HE DO? 193 00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:20,067 - HE DIDN'T THANK DEBRA. - AMY! 194 00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:24,200 - NO, NO, NO, I DID. I DID. I KNOW I DID. 195 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,333 I WROTE...I WROTE... I WROTE... 196 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,633 LOOK, I WROTE ABOUT-- I WROTE ABOUT SCHOOL. 197 00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:34,167 I WROTE ABOUT-- I WROTE ABOUT SPORTS, AND I... 198 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:39,867 OH, NO. 199 00:09:39,867 --> 00:09:41,967 - DIDN'T EVEN JOT HER NAME DOWN IN THE MARGINS. 200 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:43,900 - AMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 201 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,333 - HELPING? 202 00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:47,367 - LET'S GO BACK, COME ON. COME ON, LET'S GO BACK. 203 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:49,400 I'LL GIVE ANOTHER SPEECH. 204 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,667 THERE'S PROBABLY STILL PEOPLE IN THE CAFETERIA. 205 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:51,633 - NO, IT'S OKAY. 206 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,233 COME ON, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME. 207 00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:55,433 HUH? THIS IS YOUR DAY. 208 00:09:55,433 --> 00:10:00,200 I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY. 209 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,000 I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON THE KIDS. 210 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:14,100 - SO SHOULD WE BURY YOU IN THAT DRESS? 211 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,333 - LISTEN, DEBRA, I JUST WANT TO SAY-- 212 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,167 - NO, REALLY, RAY. IT'S OKAY. 213 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,500 YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE AGAIN. 214 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:32,100 - YEAH, BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO THANK YOUR WIFE, AND-- 215 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,467 AND YOU ARE MY WIFE, RIGHT? 216 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,733 - YES, I'M YOUR WIFE. 217 00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:40,567 - AND I AM A STUPID, STUPID DOCTOR. 218 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:43,067 - NO, HONEY, REALLY. IT REALLY IS OKAY. 219 00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:45,167 I WASN'T EVEN GONNA SAY ANYTHING. 220 00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:46,300 - YEAH, BUT YOU DID SAY SOMETHING. 221 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,200 - NO, I DIDN'T. - TO AMY. 222 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,400 - YES, TO AMY, BECAUSE I THOUGHT 223 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,033 SHE WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU. 224 00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:53,967 AND NOW I HAVE TO KILL HER. 225 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:55,700 - OKAY, SEE? IT DID BOTHER YOU. 226 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,867 - NO, REALLY, DON'T OBSESS ABOUT THIS. 227 00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:00,533 IT WAS A GREAT DAY, I'M PROUD OF YOU, 228 00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:03,800 AND WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE, OKAY? 229 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,067 - OKAY. 230 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,500 YOU'RE RIGHT, IT WAS-- 231 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,633 IT WAS JUST A FLUKE, ANYWAY, RIGHT? 232 00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:12,267 - NIGHT. - NIGHT. 233 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,167 YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? 234 00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:23,700 I KNOW WHY I DID IT. 235 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,400 IT'S BECAUSE THIS WAS AN AWARD FROM COLLEGE, 236 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,867 SO I WAS THINKING OF ALL THE PEOPLE 237 00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:32,667 THAT HELPED ME THROUGH COLLEGE, AT THAT TIME. 238 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:35,333 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU THEN. 239 00:11:37,633 --> 00:11:39,600 - WELL, WHERE WERE ALL THOSE PEOPLE THE OTHER NIGHT 240 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,400 WHEN YOU WERE HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET, 241 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,333 AFRAID TO GIVE YOUR SPEECH? 242 00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:46,367 - I WASN'T HIDING. I WAS MAKING MY SPECIAL MAGIC. 243 00:11:46,367 --> 00:11:50,200 - WELL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE THANKED THOSE PEOPLE 244 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,767 IF I HADN'T GIVEN YOU THE CONFIDENCE 245 00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,233 TO MAKE YOUR SPEECH. 246 00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,233 - WHAT CONFIDENCE? I REMEMBER YOU MAKING FUN OF ME 247 00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:58,167 AND GIGGLING AND "STOMA-CHAH-CHUH." 248 00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,333 - YES, BUT THEN I ENCOURAGED YOU, 249 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:01,700 AND YOU WERE ABLE TO GET UP 250 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:04,167 IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE AND GIVE A GREAT SPEECH. 251 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,333 - YEAH, YOU ENCOURAGED ME, 252 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,600 BUT FIRST, YOU HAD TO TEAR ME DOWN 253 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,800 SO YOU COULD BUILD ME BACK UP AGAIN. 254 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,200 - WHAT? - THAT'S RIGHT. 255 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,267 THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. 256 00:12:11,267 --> 00:12:12,600 AND YOU ARE VERY CAREFUL 257 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,900 THAT I DO NOT COME OUT SMARTER THAN YOU. 258 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:19,900 - I NEVER REALLY WORRY ABOUT THAT. 259 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:23,567 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT. SEE? 260 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,667 THAT'S TEARING ME DOWN, TEARING ME DOWN. 261 00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:27,133 YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE THAT'S WHY SOMETHING IN MY HEAD 262 00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,367 PREVENTED ME FROM THANKING YOU. 263 00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:31,533 - [gasps] OH, MY GOD. 264 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,767 - WHAT? - YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE? 265 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,333 - NO, NO. NO! 266 00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,733 NO, I SAID SOMETHING IN MY HEAD DID IT. 267 00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:40,600 - YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE YOU THINKING IT. 268 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,500 - NO, NO, NO! 269 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,933 - YOU'RE NOT A STUPID DOCTOR. YOU'RE AN EVIL DOCTOR! 270 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,233 - NO, NO, I'M STUPID. 271 00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:50,700 I'M A STUPID MAN! YOU KNOW THAT! 272 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,800 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! 273 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,267 - DEBRA, IT WAS SOMETHING I DID UNCONSCIOUSLY. 274 00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:57,600 - SUBCONSCIOUSLY. 275 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,533 UNCONSCIOUS MEANS YOU'RE NOT AWAKE. 276 00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,767 - YOU SEE THAT? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! 277 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:10,133 I TOLD YOU, I DON'T DESERVE THE DAMN THING. 278 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:17,400 - NO, LISTEN, HONEY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY. 279 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:23,133 I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO LEAVE ME OUT. 280 00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:26,833 IT'S JUST... 281 00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:28,033 - IT BOTHERS YOU. 282 00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:29,367 - YES, IT BOTHERS ME, 283 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:30,867 BUT IT BOTHERS ME THAT IT BOTHERS ME. 284 00:13:30,867 --> 00:13:34,233 YOU KNOW, I DON'T NEED YOU TO SAY NICE THINGS 285 00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:36,133 ABOUT ME IN PUBLIC. 286 00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:40,167 I JUST... I DON'T KNOW... 287 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:44,500 I WANT YOU TO. I DON'T KNOW. I'M SORRY. 288 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,500 YOU'RE A VERY GOOD DOCTOR. I'M SO SORRY, GOOD NIGHT. 289 00:13:57,267 --> 00:14:01,233 - I'M GLAD YOU FEEL BETTER. 290 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,867 HEY, HERE SHE IS. COFFEE? 291 00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:09,800 - THANK YOU. 292 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,267 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 293 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,467 - NOTHIN'. 294 00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:17,633 REMEMBER THE OTHER NIGHT? 295 00:14:17,633 --> 00:14:18,867 READ THE PAPER. 296 00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:20,433 - YOUR COLUMN? - YES, EXACTLY. 297 00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:22,633 MY COLUMN. READ MY COLUMN. 298 00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:24,367 - YOU THINK PLAYERS 299 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,333 SHOULD STOP DUMPING GATORADE ON THEIR COACHES' HEADS. 300 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,400 IT'S WASTEFUL AND STICKY. 301 00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,333 - UNLESS IT'S A CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. 302 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,600 THEN IT'S OKAY. LITTLE LOWER. 303 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,933 - "I'M OFTEN ASKED BY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE SPORTSWRITERS, 304 00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,600 "'HOW DID YOU GET STARTED?' 305 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,400 "AND I UNDERSTAND THIS QUESTION, BECAUSE OF ALL THE PLUM JOBS, 306 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,133 I'VE GOT THE PLUM-EST." 307 00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:47,667 - NO, THERE'S MORE. THERE'S MORE. 308 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:49,767 - YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL FINISH IT 309 00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:50,900 WHEN THE COFFEE KICKS IN. 310 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:51,900 BUT IT SEEMS REALLY GOOD. 311 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:55,833 - NO... 312 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:57,700 "AND IT'S A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK ME, 313 00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,667 "BECAUSE I AM, AFTER ALL, MOSTLY QUALIFIED 314 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,900 "TO DO SOMETHING LIKE DELIVER FUTONS. 315 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,767 "SO HOW DID I GET HERE? 316 00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:09,033 "YOU SEE, THERE WAS THIS FUTON DELIVERY GUY, 317 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,600 AND HE MET A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN." 318 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:15,500 OH, NOW YOU'RE LISTENING, YEAH. 319 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,900 "AND EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE, 320 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,533 "FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, SHE SMILED AT HIM. 321 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,800 "EVENTUALLY, AND EVEN MORE AMAZINGLY, 322 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,433 "SHE MARRIED HIM. 323 00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:27,933 "AND IT TURNS OUT THAT WHEN ONE OF YOUR DREAMS COMES TRUE, 324 00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:32,167 "YOU BEGIN TO TAKE THE OTHERS A LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY. 325 00:15:32,167 --> 00:15:35,100 "SO EVEN THOUGH I'M AS AMAZED AS ANYBODY 326 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,000 "THAT I HAVE ANY SUCCESS AT ALL, 327 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,733 I'M PRETTY SURE IT ALL STARTED WITH MY WIFE DEBRA'S SMILE." 328 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,400 I WROTE THAT. 329 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:55,400 - THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING. 330 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,967 - YEAH? NOT TOO SAPPY? 331 00:15:56,967 --> 00:16:00,233 - IT'S WAY TOO SAPPY. 332 00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:04,067 - GOOD MORNING. 333 00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:07,800 - HEY. 334 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,400 HI, MA. 335 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,800 - HI, MARIE. HI, FRANK. 336 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,600 SEE YOUR SON'S COLUMN THIS MORNING? 337 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,900 - YES, WE DID. 338 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,067 WE THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL, DIDN'T WE, FRANK? 339 00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:21,233 - THEN WHY DID YOU DRAG ME OVER HERE? 340 00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:23,133 - I THOUGHT IT WAS A MARVELOUS PIECE. 341 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,867 FULL OF GRATITUDE AND FEELINGS 342 00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:27,500 THAT WERE SO OVERWHELMING, 343 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,333 THAT IT NEEDED TO BE EXPRESSED IN WRITING. 344 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,467 IN THE NEWSPAPER. 345 00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:36,733 - MA, I THANKED YOU AT THE GRADUATION. 346 00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:42,567 - YES, YOU MADE SOME VAGUE REFERENCE TO SOME "MOTHER" 347 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,633 IN FRONT OF A FEW PEOPLE ON A LAWN. 348 00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:47,767 - WHAT? 349 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,133 - YOU NEVER MENTIONED MY NAME. 350 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,733 IT WAS, QUITE FRANKLY, RATHER PERFUNCTORY. 351 00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,600 - OH, COME ON. 352 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,967 - YET DEBRA'S MAGICAL SMILE 353 00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:59,200 GETS ALL THE CREDIT IN FRONT OF-- 354 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,800 WHAT'S THE CIRCULATION OF THE PAPER? 355 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:02,800 - OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 356 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,733 - 850,000. 357 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:15,167 - 850,000. 358 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:18,700 WHAT ABOUT MY SMILE, RAYMOND? 359 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,700 WHAT ABOUT MY SMILE? 360 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,267 - AND I LIKE IT WHEN THEY DUMP THE GATORADE 361 00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:25,233 ON THE COACH'S HEAD. 362 00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:28,600 THAT'S FUNNY. 363 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,700 - DID YOU SEE THE PAPER? - YES, SHE SAW. 364 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,967 HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS SAW. 365 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:34,900 - ISN'T IT GREAT? 366 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,667 RAY, THAT WAS SO NICE. 367 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:40,133 SEE, DEB, MAYBE IT WASN'T SUCH A BIG MISTAKE TO BRING IT UP. 368 00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,733 - THANK YOU, AMY. 369 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,600 - GO AHEAD, ROBERT. 370 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,300 - UH, RAYMOND, YOUR SUCCESS IS YOUR SUCCESS 371 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,567 AND NOT MY FAILURE. 372 00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:01,167 AND SO, AS ANY GOOD BROTHER SHOULD BE, 373 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:04,467 I AM HAPPY FOR YOU. 374 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,833 - BOTH MY SONS ARE WHIPPED! 375 00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:12,300 - HOWEVER, RAYMOND, 376 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,900 IF ANYBODY SHOULD GET CREDIT FOR YOUR SUCCESS, 377 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,233 IT SHOULD BE ME. 378 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:17,700 - ROBERT! - THAT'S RIGHT! ADMIT IT! 379 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,167 YOU OWE YOUR SUCCESS TO THE PATHOLOGICAL DESIRE 380 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,433 YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD TO BE BETTER THAN ME! 381 00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:24,400 - WHAT? - THAT'S RIGHT. 382 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,600 REMEMBER IN SCHOOL? I WAS THE WRITER ON THE PAPER. 383 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,800 BEFORE YOU EVEN KNEW HOW TO PICK UP A PENCIL, 384 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,633 I HAD MY OWN COLUMN. 385 00:18:31,633 --> 00:18:33,600 "THE VIEW FROM UP HERE." 386 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:40,167 - YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! 387 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:43,033 - WELL, IT MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS A FAKE SMILE. 388 00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:45,300 - WHAT? - OH... 389 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,667 YOU DON'T WHITEN YOUR TEETH? 390 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,767 - HEY, ALL YOU DID WAS TEACH HIM PIANO. 391 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:52,500 IF IT WAS UP TO YOU, RAY'D HAVE A JOB 392 00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:55,600 PLAYING "LOVE STORY" NEXT TO A PERFUME COUNTER. 393 00:18:57,933 --> 00:18:59,733 - ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, YOU ALL HAD YOUR CHANCE WITH RAY, 394 00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:02,133 AND YOU GOT HIM AS FAR AS "FUTON GUY." 395 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,200 MAYBE I TOOK HIM THE REST OF THE WAY. 396 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,533 - THAT IS ABSURD! 397 00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:07,233 - YOU CAN TAKE CREDIT FOR THE BOY. 398 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,467 I'LL TAKE CREDIT FOR THE MAN. 399 00:19:08,467 --> 00:19:09,933 - YOU CAN HAVE CREDIT FOR THE MAN. 400 00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:11,600 WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT THAT? 401 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,267 I JUST WANT CREDIT FOR THE CAREER. 402 00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:18,767 - SO YOU JUST CAST ASIDE THE MOTHER. 403 00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:21,600 LET ME TELL YOU-- IT DIDN'T START WITH A SMILE. 404 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:26,567 IT STARTED WITH 19 HOURS OF HORRIBLE LABOR. 405 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:33,633 - BUT BEFORE THAT, THERE WAS A SMILE. 406 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:46,233 - ALSO HORRIBLE. 407 00:19:46,233 --> 00:19:49,500 - I WANT MY CREDIT. I DESERVE IT! 408 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,367 - DID YOU SEE THE NEWSPAPER TODAY? 409 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:53,033 - OH, IT'S A TERRIBLE NEWSPAPER. 410 00:19:53,033 --> 00:19:54,400 [all talking at once] 411 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,167 - ALL RIGHT, STOP IT. 412 00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:57,733 STOP IT! STOP IT! 413 00:19:57,733 --> 00:20:01,367 NOTHING'S EVER ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY IN THIS HOUSE! 414 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,567 WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU WANT... 415 00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:05,533 OKAY, HERE IT IS. HERE IT IS. YOU READY? 416 00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:09,467 EVERYBODY? 417 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:12,700 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 418 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,233 THANK YOU, ROBERT. 419 00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:16,500 I OWE MY CAREER TO YOU. 420 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,400 THAT COLUMN YOU DID IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL 421 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,333 ABOUT NOOGIES VERSUS WEDGIES, 422 00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:24,767 THAT'S THE REASON THAT I GO TO WORK EVERY DAY. 423 00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:28,133 AND, AMY... I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID 424 00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:29,600 BEFORE YOU CAME INTO THIS FAMILY 425 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,633 TO POINT OUT MY MISTAKES, BUT THANK YOU! 426 00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:34,733 AND, DAD! 427 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,633 DAD, THERE'S SOMETHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO YOU. 428 00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:40,300 I'VE NEVER SAID IT BEFORE, BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT RIGHT NOW! 429 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:45,367 YOU ARE THE MOLE ON THE BACKSIDE OF MY SUCCESS. 430 00:20:58,233 --> 00:21:02,967 SWEET MAMA. 431 00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:05,133 WITHOUT YOUR PUSHING, 432 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:08,000 I WOULD STILL BE IN YOUR WOMB. 433 00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:21,100 AND YOU, WIFE... 434 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:23,600 WITHOUT YOU, 435 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,467 I'D HAVE NOTHING BUT HEART-ACHA-CHUH. 436 00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:41,333 - HE THANKED ME FIRST. 437 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,633 - HE SAVED ME FOR LAST. 438 00:21:43,633 --> 00:21:48,600 - HE SAID THE MOST MEANINGFUL THINGS ABOUT ME. 439 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,700 - WHY WAS HE SO FRUITY?