- OH, WHAT'S TO EAT?
- OH, YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE HUNGRY.
YOU SPENT THE WHOLE P.T.A MEETING AT THE BUFFET TABLE.
AND WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR SHIRT?
- CHOCOLATE PUDDING.
YEAH.
WANT SOME?
- UGH.
I MEAN, BY THE WAY, YOU COULDN'T WEAR A NICER SHIRT
TO THE P.T.A. MEETING?
- I DON'T WANNA GET CHOCOLATE PUDDING ON A NICER SHIRT.
- YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE HOW YOU LOOK.
- OR SOUND ACT OR SMELL. HELLO.
- DEB, CAN WE WATCH TV OVER HERE?
FRANK FELL ASLEEP
WITH THE REMOTE TUCKED INTO HIS BOXERS.
- AND THEN THE CHANNEL CHANGED SO WE GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
- RAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?
- THANK YOU, AMY.
LISTEN, RAY, THE P.T.A. MEETING IS HERE NEXT WEEK,
AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THAT.
IT'S A REFLECTION ON ME. - OH, COME ON!
- NO, I MEAN, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE THINK
WHEN WE WALK IN SOMEPLACE TOGETHER.
THEY'RE THINKING, "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
WITH HORRIBLY IMPAIRED VISION."
- YEAH.
WHAT IS AMY HERE?
"LOOK OUT, LADY, IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YA!"
- ALL I'M SAYING, RAY,
IS THAT WHEN THE P.T.A. IS HERE NEXT WEEK,
I WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T WALLOW IN YOUR OWN FILTH.
- [chuckles] 'CAUSE YOU'RE A PIG!
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S ALL VERY FUNNY
CONSIDERING WHAT I HEARD PEOPLE SAY
ABOUT HOW DEBRA LOOKS TONIGHT.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- NOTHIN'; I WAS STANDIN' BY THE BUFFET,
I OVERHEARD ONE OF THE MOTHERS SAY,
"I WONDER WHERE THE REST OF HER DRESS IS?"
- WHO SAID THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
THE WOMAN WHO'S ALWAYS THERE-- TALL, SKINNY.
SHE WAS BLOCKIN' THE BEAN DIP.
- LIZ SHARPE?
SHE COMPLIMENTED ME ON THIS DRESS.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- I'M JUST TELLIN' YA WHAT THEY WERE SAYING, ALL RIGHT?
- WHAT "THEY"? WAS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE?
- SHE SAID THAT, AND THEN THE OTHER WOMAN SAID,
"YEAH. THAT DRESS MAKES HER LOOK"--
- WHAT?
- "TRAMPY."
- TRAMPY?
I--WHY WOULD THEY SAY THAT?
- OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT DRESS LOOKS FANTASTIC.
YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY AND YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT.
IS WHAT I THINK AMY IS THINKING.
RIGHT, "HOT STUFF"?
- DEB, DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THOSE WOMEN.
THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS.
THEY WISH THEY HAD THE COURAGE TO WEAR
WHAT THE KIDS TODAY ARE WEARING.
YOU KNOW, AT OUR AGE.
- THANKS, AMY.
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA CALL IT A NIGHT.
- OH, WOW.
I DIDN'T WANT HER TO FEEL HORRIBLE.
NICE GOIN', AMY.
- I DID NOT MEAN THAT THE WAY IT SOUNDED.
I MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
SHE'S ADORABLE. EVERYBODY THINKS THAT.
ISN'T SHE ADORABLE, ROBERT?
- HEY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY RUBBING ALCOHOL?
I GOT THE REMOTE FROM DAD.
- HEY, NO, NO, DON'T, DON'T.
OH, COME ON!
NOW WE GOT TO THROW AWAY THE TABLE.
- HOW'S DEB DOIN'?
SHE SEEMED PRETTY UPSET.
- YEAH, SHE'S ACTUALLY MOPING AROUND ALL MORNING.
- OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
- WELL, AMY'S GONNA COME OVER LATER TO APOLOGIZE.
SHE FELT TERRIBLE FOR WHAT SHE SAID.
- I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE MENTIONED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- YOU WERE PROBABLY RIGHT TO DO IT.
YOU DON'T WANT DEB TO THINK THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE HER FRIENDS.
SHE SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.
- YEAAAAAH...WELL...
THE TRUTH...
- WHAT?
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW, UH, LIZ-- WHATEVER HER NAME IS
AND THOSE OTHER WOMEN-- WHAT THEY SAID?
I MADE IT UP.
- YOU MADE IT UP?
- YEAH, AND I FEEL KINDA BAD.
- "KINDA BAD"? YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL!
WHY...WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW. I LIE, I GUESS.
I MEAN, DEBRA WAS JUST GETTIN' ON ME ABOUT BEIN' A SLOB,
AND SHE WAS DRESSED ALL,
"LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THIS"!
YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE PART IN YOUR BRAIN
THAT DOESN'T THINK THINGS ALL THE WAY THROUGH?
- THAT'S NOT THE LITTLE PART OF YOUR BRAIN.
YOU GOTTA TELL HER, RAYMOND.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M JUST WAITIN' FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT, THAT'S ALL.
- HEY, DEB! LOOKIN' GOOD!
- HEY. YOU'RE DRESSED KINDA CASUAL
EVEN FOR "CHILLIN' OUT."
- AT LEAST I'M DRESSED "AGE APPROPRIATELY."
- YEAH, LISTEN...
ABOUT THAT...
AMY FEELS BAD.
- I KNOW SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT MY FEELINGS.
- LOOK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE WEARING A DRESS LIKE THAT.
- I'VE WORN IT SO MANY TIMES.
I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE
THINK I LOOK TRAMPY.
- OH, THEY DON'T THINK THAT, TRUST ME.
- AND YOUR MOTHER'S MADE HER SHARE OF COMMENTS
OVER THE YEARS.
I'VE ALWAYS JUST DISMISSED THEM BECAUSE SHE'S,
YOU KNOW, HORRIBLE, BUT...
MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT.
I MEAN, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
SHE'S ONLY SAYIN' WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE HAS BEEN THINKIN'.
I'M JUST A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WHO'S FOOLIN' HERSELF.
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK, DEB, I GOTTA TELL YA SOMETHING--
- YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY BUGS ME IS THAT WORD "TRAMPY."
I MEAN, I KNOW THAT DRESS IS A LITTLE LOW CUT, BUT "TRAMPY"?
IT'S LIKE THEY'RE GOIN' OUT OF THEIR WAY TO INSULT ME.
WHAT IS WITH THESE WOMEN? DON'T THEY HAVE BIGGER ISSUES?
AND HOW 'BOUT SAYIN' IT TO MY FACE
INSTEAD OF GOIN' BEHIND MY BACK, YOU KNOW?
THAT IS SO DAMN UNDERHANDED. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DOES THAT?
- I HATE THEM! - I KNOW!
- HUH?
- WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE YOU? THEY'RE JEALOUS!
DID YOU SEE THAT LIZ SHARPE THE OTHER NIGHT?
WOO-HOO!
SHE'S ONLY WANT YOUR DRESS IF IT WAS DEEP-FRIED
AND COVERED IN SPRINKLES.
- LIZ IS PRETTY SKINNY.
- SHE'S A COW. - YOU THINK?
- MOOOO!
THAT'S A COW!
SO YOU SHOULDN'T LET THOSE WOMEN GET YOU DOWN.
THEY'RE JUST A BUNCH OF UPTIGHT, CATTY HAUSFRAUS
WHO ONLY GET EXERCISE WHEN THEY WRESTLE HAM FROM EACH OTHER.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE GONNA BE OVER HERE NEXT WEEK.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SAY WE DON'T EVEN LET 'EM IN THIS HOUSE.
I SAY NO P.T.A. MEETING.
IN FACT, WE SHOULD SWITCH SCHOOLS.
- OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?
IT'S GOOD YOU DON'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK.
- I DON'T CARE.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU DON'T CARE, THEN I DON'T CARE.
- THANKS, RAY.
- IT'S OKAY. I'M...
I'M THERE FOR YOU.
I LIKE YOU COVERED IN CHIPS.
- HI, RAY.
YOU LOOK NICE.
ARE YOU GOING SOMEPLACE AFTER THIS?
- NO.
THIS IS WHAT I WEAR WHEN I'M KNOCKIN' AROUND THE HOUSE.
AH, SHRIMP.
GOOD OL' SHRIMP.
AH.
ANYBODY HAVE SOME CLUB SODA?
I CAN'T LET DEBRA SEE ME LIKE THIS.
- HELLO.
IS EVERYBODY HERE?
SHOULD WE GET THE MEETING STARTED?
DOES ANYBODY ELSE NEED ANYTHING TO EAT OR DRINK?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
- NOTHING.
YOU HAVE A LITTLE COCKTAIL SAUCE ON YOUR SHIRT.
- AT LEAST I HAVE A SHIRT.
- LIZ...
WOULD YOU LIKE TO START OFF WITH THE FUNDRAISER FOR THE LIBRARY?
- I-I WAS... JUST GONNA SAY THAT THE...
[clears throat]
BOOK DONATIONS FROM THE JUNIOR COLLEGE MIGHT BE DELAYED.
- HMM. YOU SEEM A LITTLE DISTRACTED, LIZ.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
- I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, DEBRA.
- OH, RAY TOLD ME EVERYTHING.
- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THE CHIT-CHAT.
OKAY, SO WHERE ARE WE ON THESE BOOK THINGS, OKAY?
THIS IS THE FIRST I'M HEARING OF ANY DELAY,
AND THIS IS TOTAL BULL, AND IT IS AN OUTRAGE!
AND I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF BOOKS,
BUT THE KIDS SHOULD HAVE 'EM, DAMN IT!
OKAY?
- FRANK, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE THE TV.
- WE'RE HAVING A P.T.A. MEETING. CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?
- YES. WE'D LIKE TO JOIN THE P.T.A.
- DEBRA...
WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU DRESSED THAT WAY?
- TRUST ME, MARIE, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
- DO YOU?
DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?
- ALL RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE?
- WELL, I LOST THE REMOTE,
SO DAD THREW HIS SHOE AT THE TV AND BROKE IT.
- IT'S OKAY. I LIKE THIS SHOW.
- EVERYONE, I THINK WE SHOULD GO.
- OKAY. WELL, THANKS FOR COMING OVER.
WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN.
OH! I'LL SEE YA AT THE CHURCH PICNIC!
- NEXT TIME WE'LL ALL DRESS LIKE PIRATES.
- YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED, RAY.
AFTER WHAT THEY SAID, I DON'T CARE.
- WHAT DID "THEY" SAY?
- YOU KNOW.
ROBERT, "THEY" SAID THAT DEBRA DRESSES A LITTLE TRAMPY.
- I THINK THEY WERE BEING KIND.
- MARIE, I ONLY WORE THIS TO MAKE A POINT.
- GOT IT!
- DEBRA, I'M NOT GOING TO LECTURE YOU ON DECORUM
BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME, BUT I REALLY--
- MARIE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BAD.
I LIKE THE WAY I DRESS.
AND, BY THE WAY, SO DOES YOUR SON.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- I MEANT RAYMOND.
I-I MEAN WHEN HE HEARD WHAT THOSE WOMEN SAID ABOUT ME,
HE WAS REALLY MAD, RIGHT, RAY?
- LISTEN, DEB...
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS SAYIN'
WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT WHAT THOSE WOMEN SAID.
- HOW DID I MISUNDERSTAND?
- YOU BELIEVED ME.
- WHAT?
- I MADE IT UP.
- YOU MADE IT UP?
YOU MEAN THEY NEVER CALLED ME TRAMPY?
- NO, THEY DID NOT.
BUT, SEE, THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS!
YOU HAVE NICE FRIENDS AT THE P.T.A.
- YOU MEAN I USED TO!
OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT ME!
OH, MY GOD!
RAY, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
- I THINK HE HAD A VERY GOOD REASON.
YOU ASKED HIM TO WEAR A CLEAN SHIRT,
AND HE TOLD YOU EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE A TRAMP.
- EXCUSE ME, BUT...
A TRAMP CAN BE A LOVABLE CHARACTER WHO RIDES THE RAILS.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU, RAY!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW HORRIBLE
YOU MADE DEBRA FEEL ABOUT HERSELF?
JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A...
SLOPPY GUY!
- WHAT ARE YOU-- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID
AT HER AGE SHE SHOULD BE DRESSIN' LIKE
SHE'S PUSHIN' A WALKER ON HER WAY TO BINGO.
- I NEVER SAID THAT!
- YOU SAID EXACTLY THAT, AMY!
NOW, LISTEN, DEB--
I MAY HAVE SAID THOSE THINGS,
BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D COME WALKIN' DOWN LIKE, UH, UH, UH...
- "SIDEWALK SALLY"? - YES!
YES!
WHY? WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
- BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK THEY HATED THE WAY I DRESSED!
- JUST BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T SAY IT
DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T THINK IT!
- YEAH, I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY I DRESS!
- MAYBE I DO!
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME INSTEAD OF PRETENDING
IT WAS THE P.T.A.?
- BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD MEAN MORE COMING FROM THEM!
- DEBRA, I MUST SAY, THAT IN THIS INSTANCE,
RAYMOND'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ABOUT YOUR WARDROBE.
- MARIE, YOU KNOW THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
I WOULD NORMALLY WEAR.
- I SEE NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS
AND ALL YOUR OTHER OUTFITS.
- WHAT?
- WHAT ABOUT THAT RED DRESS OF YOURS?
- WHAT RED DRESS? - THE ONE WITH THE OPEN BACK.
YOU WORE IT TO MOM AND DAD'S ANNIVERSARY.
- ROBERT?
WHAT WAS I WEARING AT YOUR PARENTS' ANNIVERSARY?
- YOU...WERE...
RAVISHING!
IN A VERY LOVELY SPRING ENSEMBLE.
- CAN I JUST SAY ONE THING, DEBRA?
- I SAY SHE CAN'T.
- THERE'S A TIME ARRIVES IN A WOMAN'S LIFE
WHEN SHE STILL CAN SHOW HER BODY OFF
BUT SHE SHOULDN'T.
I-IT'S JUST NOT BECOMING OF A LADY.
AND I SAY THAT FOR EVERY YEAR YOU'RE OVER 40,
YOU SHOULD ADD AN INCH TO THE HEMLINE OF YOUR DRESS.
- WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD BE DRAGGIN' AROUND A PERSIAN RUG!
- WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DEBRA,
WHO DOESN'T REALIZE THAT SHE'S CROSSED THE LINE OF DECENCY!
- OH, YOU THINK THIS IS INDECENT?
I'LL SHOW YOU INDECENT.
GEE, IT'S A LITTLE WARM IN MY HOUSE.
I DON'T THINK I FEEL LIKE WEARING A TOP ANYMORE!
- OH! OH, MY--
OH, FRANK, WE'RE LEAVING!
DEBRA HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!
- THEN LET'S HELP HER.
- YEAH, WE SHOULD PROBABLY ALL GO.
THIS IS A PRIVATE MATTER BETWEEN RAY AND DEBRA.
C'MON, ROBERT.
- YES. THIS HAS SUDDENLY TAKEN A VERY UGLY TURN,
AND I, FOR ONE, DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
- WOW, THAT WAS--
THAT WAS GREAT.
YOU SCARED 'EM AWAY WITH YOUR PEEP-SHOW THREAT.
ALL RIGHT.
WE GOTTA REMEMBER THAT MOVE.
[laughs nervously]
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN...
LISTEN.
YOU--YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT
WHEN WE WALK IN A PLACE TOGETHER,
THE WAY I DRESS IS A REFLECTION ON YOU.
WELL...WELL, IT WORKS THE OTHER WAY TOO, RIGHT?
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH HOW I DRESS?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT--
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ADVERTISIN' SOMETHIN' THAT'S NOT FOR SALE!
- WHAT, BECAUSE YOU OWN ME?
- YEAH! NO!
WELL...
I OWN YOU AND YOU OWN ME. THAT'S MARRIAGE.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU MADE A BAD DEAL.
- SO, WHAT?
YOU WANT ME TO GO OUT IN A PARKA AND SNOW PANTS?
- NO.
-OH, YOU WANT ME TO LOOK GOOD, BUT NOT TOO GOOD?
- YES.
OH, COME ON. WAIT, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE--YOU'RE SEXY.
I MEAN, YEAH, I COULD PUT ON SOME FINER CLOTHES
AND--AND MAYBE NOT WEAR SO MUCH FOOD.
BUT I'M... I'M STILL GONNA BE THIS.
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE WERE GOIN' OUT,
PEOPLE WOULD SAY, "WHAT'S THAT HOT GIRL
DOIN' WITH THAT NOSE WITH SNEAKERS?"
AND--AND HERE WE ARE.
WE'RE 15 YEARS LATER, AND I'M STILL THE SAME OL' GUY,
AND YOU'RE DRESSIN' ALL HOT AND LOOKIN' ALL GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' FOR, SOMEBODY IN YOUR OWN LEAGUE?
- DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M LOOKING?
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK WHEN YOU GO OUT
DRESSED LIKE WONDER WOMAN?
- I DRESS THE WAY I DRESS BECAUSE I AM A HOUSEWIFE,
WHICH IS GREAT AND I LOVE THAT,
BUT I DON'T ALWAYS WANT TO DRESS LIKE A HOUSEWIFE.
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM YOU.
MOST OF THE TIME.
AND YOU CAN PUT YOURSELF DOWN ALL YOU WANT,
BUT YOU ARE VERY GOOD-LOOKING!
- OH, SHUT UP. - NO.
IT'S TRUE.
IN FACT, YOU ARE BETTER LOOKING NOW
THAN YOU WERE WHEN I MET YOU.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU GET DISTINGUISHED AND HANDSOME,
AND I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE DAY I GET OUT OF BED
AND EVERYTHING HITS THE FLOOR.
- YOU GOT A COUPLE OF YEARS LEFT BEFORE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
- WELL, I GUESS THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.
I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL TAKE ANY COMPLIMENT.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY NICE THINGS
ABOUT THE WAY I DRESS, AND I GUESS I LIKE THAT.
- WELL, YEAH, BUT--
WHO'S SAYIN' NICE THINGS TO YOU?
- JUST... PEOPLE.
BUT A LOT OF TIMES I NEVER GET THAT
FROM YOU.
- WHAT? YOU KNOW I THINK YOU'RE HOT!
- YES, I KNOW WHEN I GO TO BED AND TURN OFF MY LIGHT
I WILL GET MAULED.
- IT WOULD BE NICE TO HEAR IT WITH WORDS SOMETIMES...
DURING THE DAY!
WHEN I HAVE CLOTHES ON.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
- YES. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY I DID WHAT I DID
AND THAT NOW WE REALLY HAVE TO SWITCH SCHOOLS.
MADAME BOOBY...
- I'M GOING TO GO CHANGE.
OKAY.
- HEY, UH, YOU MIGHT NEED HELP GETTIN' OUT OF THAT.
THAT'S PRETTY TIGHT.