- HOW IS IT?
- GREAT.
HOW MUCH MORE DO WE HAVE TO EAT BEFORE DESSERT?
- THIS AIN'T YOU'RE NIGHT, KID.
I MADE DESSERT TOO.
- HEY, RAY. - HI, DADDY.
- HEY, DEB.
CHILDREN.
- WHAT IS IT?
OH, YOU JUST CAME FROM THE DOCTOR.
- YES.
- AND?
- HE SAID THAT MY ADENOIDS HAVE TO COME OUT.
- ALL RIGHT, SO I GUESS YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT DONE.
- IS THAT IT?
THAT'S YOUR ATTITUDE?
- COME ON.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY?
"GO AHEAD, DOC, CUT THAT FAT BOY UP."
- HONEY, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE NERVOUS,
BUT THIS IS A VERY COMMON PROCEDURE,
AND THEY DON'T CUT YOU UP.
THEY GO IN THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.
- WELL, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE GOING THROUGH MY MOUTH!
- YOU'VE BEEN GETTING SORE THROATS FOR TWO YEARS.
YOUR SNORING IS GETTING WORSE.
YOU'RE HAVING DIFFICULTY SWALLOWING...
- ME TOO. - EAT YOUR FOOD.
WE WILL ALL BE SO MUCH HAPPIER
WHEN YOU GET THIS DONE, RIGHT, KIDS?
- YEAH. - UH-HUH.
- YEAH, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU THINK MOM'S GONNA
TAKE THE INSURANCE MONEY AND BUY EVERYONE A PONY.
- YOUR THROAT HURTS, DOESN'T IT?
- NO.
NO, LOOK, I WANT A SECOND OPINION.
- THIS IS YOUR THIRD OPINION.
- THOSE DOCTORS, THEY JUST WANT MONEY!
I DON'T TRUST THEM!
I WANT AN EXPERT!
- I GOT YOUR MESSAGE, RAYMOND.
DON'T LET THEM TOUCH YOU!
- I WON'T, MOM!
I WON'T!
- DEBRA DOESN'T CARE, MA, YOU KNOW?
SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT GETTING YOUR ADENOIDS OUT
IS NO BIG DEAL!
- IT'S A VERY BIG DEAL.
THEY WANT TO TAKE A PIECE OF MY RAYMOND AWAY.
I HAVE ALL THE MEDICINE WE NEED RIGHT HERE.
I MADE YOU SOME MINESTRONE SOUP.
ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT ANY MORE OF THAT.
all: YAY!
- SIT DOWN.
OKAY.
HERE. NOW.
PUT YOUR FACE RIGHT IN HERE.
THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE.
AND BREATH IN.
IT'S ALL GOOD FOR YOU.
- MARIE, YOU REALLY THINK FOOD IS GONNA TAKE CARE
OF RAY'S ADENOID PROBLEM?
- I THINK GOODFOOD WILL.
- MARIE, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THAT SOUP?
- THE SOUP IS NOT FOR YOU, FRANK.
- I'VE BEEN SMELLING IT ALL DAY,
AND THEN YOU TAKE IT AWAY?
YOU SOUP TEASE.
- COME ON, GUYS, HUH? CUT IT OUT.
- COME OVER HERE. HERE WE GO.
- NO, NO, NO!
- OH, THERE'S ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY!
JUST TAKE IT EASY!
- IT'S-- THE SOUP IS FOR RAYMOND!
IT'S HIS MEDICINE!
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT BABYING HIM, MA, HUH?
THEY SHOULD JUST RIP OUT YOUR ADENOIDS
AND BE DONE WITH IT.
- YEAH, JUST GO IN, DROP YOUR DRAWERS,
BING, BANG, BOOM.
- DROP YOUR DRAWERS?
- DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE THE ADENOIDS ARE, DAD?
- SURE, ROUND BACK WITH THE REST OF THE "OIDS."
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME ON.
COME ON, ALL RIGHT? IT'S A LITTLE CROWDED IN HERE.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED?
A BIGGER TABLE.
- NO, I DON'T. I DON'T NEED A BIGGER TABLE!
I NEED YOU GUYS OUT OF HERE!
- AWW, WOOK AT WITTLE WAYMOND.
ALL UPSET 'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA TAKE HIS LITTLE ADENOIDS OUT.
[infant gibberish]
- FORGET ABOUT IT. I'M NOT DOING IT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE SETTING FOR THE KIDS?
- YEAH, AND WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE,
HAVE THE DOCTOR LOOK AT YOUR UNENJOYABLE TESTICLE.
- IT'S UNDESCENDED,DAD.
- YES, AND DO YOU ENJOY IT THAT WAY?
- RAYMOND HAS HIS ADENOIDS OUT,
THE WHOLE WORLD HAS TO STOP.
- ROBERT, IT'S OKAY.
HE FEELS BETTER THAT WE'RE HERE.
- OH, HE HAS NO FEELINGS.
THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE IS BECAUSE MA KNOWS
THAT I'M THE SAME BLOOD TYPE AS HIM.
- NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU, ROBERT.
AND KEEP YOUR SLEEVES ROLLED UP.
- MAYBE I HAD OTHER THINGS TO DO TODAY.
- ENOUGH.
THIS IS WHAT A FAMILY DOES.
WE STICK TOGETHER.
WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER.
- STOP LOOKING AT MY VEINS!
- COME ON.
THIS WEEK HAS BEEN BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS.
RAY'S BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY.
LAST NIGHT HE WOKE ME UP.
"WHAT IF THE NURSE'S TOP IS UNBUTTONED
AND THE SURGEON GETS DISTRACTED?"
- OH, ALL RIGHT, STOP IT, STOP.
I'M GOING TO THE POWDER ROOM FOR A MOMENT,
AND WHEN I GET BACK, I EXPECT EVERYONE
TO HAVE A PROPER LOOK OF CONCERN ON THEIR FACES.
ROBERT!
- DEBRA BARONE?
- YEP.
HI, HOW'D IT GO?
- MRS. BARONE, ARE THERE ANY ALLERGIES OR CONDITIONS
YOUR HUSBAND MAY HAVE NEGLECTED TO TELL US ABOUT?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY?
- WELL, WE'RE HAVING DIFFICULTY BRINGING HIM OUT OF ANESTHESIA.
- HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT BY NOW.
HE'S NOT RESPONDING.
HIS BLOOD PRESSURE'S DROPPED BELOW A CERTAIN LEVEL.
- ROBERT.
- WHAT IS IT? WHAT?
- HE'S NOT--
- WHAT, RAYMOND? - WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- HE'S NOT WAKING UP.
- LET ME GO IN THERE. I'M HIS BLOOD TYPE.
NO, NO, NO, LISTEN TO ME.
HE IS MY BROTHER. I CAN WAKE HIM UP.
RAYMOND!
- HI, ARE YOU THE BARONES?
- MY BROTHER'S IN THERE. RAYMOND!
- HE'S FINE NOW.
HIS BLOOD PRESSURE'S RETURNING TO NORMAL,
AND HE'S COMING OUT OF IT.
THIS HAPPENS SOMETIMES.
IT'S A FORM OF HYPERTENSION,
BUT HE'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU CAN SEE HIM IN A FEW MINUTES.
- OH, MY GOD.
- OKAY, BUT IT WAS FINE.
- YES.
- HE SAID IT WENT FINE. IT WENT GOOD.
- I NOTICED THE NURSE WAS STILL BUTTONED.
- OKAY.
OKAY, NOW LISTEN.
WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE--
NOBODY TELLS RAY.
- OR HIS MOTHER.
- OKAY, HERE YOU GO.
GOT YOU EVERY SPORTS MAGAZINE I COULD FIND,
INCLUDING WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL.
- OH.
OH, WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THAT SPORT.
- SO HOW YOU FEELING?
- I'M FEELING GOOD.
YOU KNOW, MY THROAT, IT HURTS JUST A LITTLE BIT,
BUT THIS MIGHT HELP.
HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD. I'M GOOD.
- YOU WANT SOME OF MY ICE CREAM?
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU ENJOY THAT.
THAT'S FOR YOU.
- I MADE A SWIRLY.
OH, UM,
I GOT SOME ON MY BLANKET
AND SOME ON MY PAJAMAS.
- I DON'T CARE.
- OH, OKAY. GOOD.
'CAUSE I GOT SOME ON YOUR PILLOW TOO.
YEAH, SORRY.
WHAT'S UP?
- NOTHING, JUST THINKING.
JUST-- TOMORROW.
EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO.
ALL THE STUFF.
YOU KNOW, MAKE BREAKFAST,
TAKE THE KIDS TO SCHOOL.
I HAVE SOME GROCERY SHOPPING.
WE NEED CHICKEN AND SOME GREEN BEANS
AND CEREAL AND...
SHAMPOO AND POTATOES AND...
COOKIES.
THEN I HAVE TO PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING
'CAUSE THEY STILL HAVE SOME OF YOUR SHIRTS...
AND THEN GET THE KIDS
AND TAKE THE BOYS TO SOCCER.
GOT NEW UNIFORMS. THEY'RE REALLY CUTE.
AND I THOUGHT YOU COULD MEET US
AT MARCO'S FOR DINNER, MAYBE.
YOU KNOW, JUST GET A PIZZA AND THEN GO HOME AND...
PUT THE KIDS TO BED,
AND THEN MAYBE WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE.
- TIME OF THE MONTH, HUH?
- NO, RAY.
NO, I'M FINE. REALLY.
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, I COULD PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO.
YOU ALWAYS BRING HOME SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
- WOW.
I GUESS THIS NEW VOICE, IT'S PRETTY SEXY, RIGHT?
- I'M SORRY, DO YOU WANT TO FINISH YOUR ICE CREAM?
- OH, IT WON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO MELT.
- OKAY.
- FRANK?
- YEAH?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- JUST THINKING.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, THE TV BROKEN?
- NO.
- LOOK, IF YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT ROBERT EATING THAT LAST PIECE OF PIE,
WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN AND GET IT RIGHT NOW?
FRANK, GET THE PIE YOURSELF.
- I DON'T WANT THE PIE.
WHAT, A GUY CAN'T JUST TOUCH HIS WIFE'S SHOULDER?
- FRANK, IT'S LATE, AND I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
- AW,
THIS AIN'T THAT.
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING, UH,
SOMETIMES I SAY STUFF, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE OLD.
YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH.
YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE ASS.
- OH, WELL, NOW I'M IN THE MOOD.
- NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M SAYING.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M GLAD WE'RE--
YOU KNOW?
- ALL RIGHT, FRANK.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WHAT? - WELL, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
YOU DON'T JUST SAY NO TO PIE AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER AND THINK.
YOU HAVE BEEN ACTING WEIRD
EVER SINCE WE GOT BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL TODAY.
- UH, ON SECOND THOUGHT, I DO WANT SEX.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL, I CAN'T RESIST YOU, HONEY.
- REALLY?
SINCE WHEN DO YOU SAY THAT?
USUALLY, ALL I GET IS, "HEY, COME HERE A MINUTE."
WHAT IS IT, FRANK?
JUST TELL ME.
- OKAY, IT'S NO BIG DEAL NOW,
BUT YOU GOT TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYBODY I TOLD YOU.
- OF COURSE I PROMISE.
WHAT IS IT?
- WHEN YOU WERE IN THE HOSPITAL AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM...
- MM-HMM.
- THE NURSE CAME OUT AND SAID THEY WERE HAVING
A LITTLE TROUBLE WAKING UP RAY FROM THE KNOCKOUT STUFF.
- WHAT?
- TWO SECONDS LATER, HE WAS FINE!
PERFECTLY FINE!
- MY SON ALMOSTDIES, AND YOU DON'T TELL ME?
- HE WAS FINE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- HE'S FINE!
MARIE, WAIT!
HEY, COME HERE A MINUTE!
- RAYMOND!
OH, RAYMOND!
OH, MY SWEET RAYMOND!
- HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
MA!
OH, MA!
MA, PLEASE!
- I KNEW ONE DAY THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
- MA!
WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MARIE, COME ON, GET OUT OF THERE!
COME BACK ACROSS THE STREET WITH ME!
- I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU!
- EVEN BETTER!
JUST GET OUT OF THERE!
- FRANK, WHAT DID YOU DO?
- I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED. - WHAT?
- SHE BEAT IT OUT OF ME.
- WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME
WHY MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS COMING TRUE?
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
YOU ALMOST BOUGHT THE FARM DURING THE ADENOID THING,
AND YOUR MOTHER'S MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT!
- WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT HAPPENED?
- YOU HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE WAKING UP,
BUT IT WAS NOTHING.
- IF IT WAS NOTHING, WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME?
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
GET OFF ME, MA.
WHAT HAPPENED?
- HOLD IT.
I AM THE MOTHER,
AND WHEN THE MOTHER GOES TO THE BATHROOM,
YOU HAVE TO TELL HER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED
WHILE SHE WAS IN THERE.
- OF COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT WE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET YOU.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?
IF SOMEBODY DIES, YOU GOT TO TELL THEM.
- YOU DIDN'T DIE.
- YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF I DID?
I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN.
AND BESIDES, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
I THINK I SAW A LIGHT.
- COME ON.
- YES!
AND ALSO, I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMEONE
WHO SOUNDED LIKE UNCLE GUS.
- UNCLE GUS DIED EIGHT YEARS AGO.
HOW'D HE LOOK?
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, I'VE BEEN FEELING A LITTLE WEIRD ALL DAY.
WHAT IF--
WHAT IF I LOST SOME BRAIN FUNCTIONS
WHILE I WAS UNDER, HUH?
LOOK AT THIS.
I'M WALKING WEIRD.
- THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER WAS JUST ON YOU.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M WALKING A LITTLE LOPSIDED.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE FINE, RAY.
- HOP ON ONE FOOT. - YEAH?
- WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS?
- UH, 320 FOWLER.
- WHAT TOWN? - LYNBROOK.
- WHAT'S MY BIRTHDAY?
- UH...
- OH, MY GOD!
- NO, DECEMBER 9TH!
- 1802!
- WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW ABOUT THIS THING? HOW ABOUT THIS THING?
- SO I GUESS NOW WE'LL WATCH RAYMOND DO ANYTHING.
- HE FOUND OUT WHAT HAPPENED.
- WAIT A MINUTE, HE KNOWS?
- YES, AND I KNOW, TOO, AMY.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
EVERYBODY KNOWS?
HOW LONG WAS I DEAD FOR?
- YOU WEREN'T DEAD.
LOOK, THE NURSE CAME OUT,
SAID THEY WERE HAVING A SLIGHT PROBLEM,
AND THE DOCTOR CAME OUT 30 SECONDS LATER
AND SAID YOU WERE FINE.
- OKAY, BUT-- BUT FOR 30 SECONDS,
YOU ALL THOUGHT I MIGHTBE DEAD.
WHAT'D EVERYBODY DO?
- YOU WEREN'T DEAD! IT WAS 30 SECONDS!
- 30 SECONDS IS A LONG TIME!
WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD?
30 SECONDS-- OKAY, GO.
"OH, OH, I HAVE TO PLAN A FUNERAL.
"I HAVE TO RAISE THREE KIDS MYSELF.
"ON THE OTHER HAND, I CAN START DATING.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA NEED SOME SHOES.
YOU KNOW WHO'S CUTE? GIANNI."
- DEBRA!
- SO WHAT? I MEAN, WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING?
- HEY, I WAS THERE, AND I SAW YOUR WIFE FALL APART!
I NEVER SAW HER LOOK LIKE THAT, AND I'LL TELL YOU,
I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER LOOK LIKE THAT AGAIN.
- YEAH?
- A LITTLE.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, ROBERT?
- WHAT?
IT WAS NOTHING.
OH, NO, NOW I REMEMBER.
I WAS THINKING WITH THAT NOSE,
YOU'RE GONNA NEED AN OPEN CASKET.
- ROBERT!
ON THE WAY HOME, "YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE"
CAME ON THE RADIO, AND HE HAD TO PULL OVER.
- AMY!
- IT'S OKAY, HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
- OH, HE IS NOT THE SUNSHINE OF ANYTHING.
WE'RE GOING.
AND BY THE WAY, I PULLED OVER
BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HIT A CAT!
THAT'S RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, MARIE, LET'S GO.
- NO, I CAN'T GO NOW.
OH, RAYMOND.
- OH, COME ON, YOU GOT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
TO BLUBBER ALL OVER HIM.
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
NO, JUST ONE MORE!
NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS, I GET TO BE THERE.
- WHAT?
- YOU LIKE ME.
YOU KNOW--
- WHAT, RAY?
WHAT?
- NOTHING, IT'S JUST--
- I KNOW.
YOU LIKE ME TOO.
ME TOO.
SO WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING OVER THERE?
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WERE ALL HOT FOR ME.
MAYBE I DIDN'T WAKE UP.
[laughter]
PLUS AFTER THIS, WE GOT ICE CREAM.
- HEY, ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS.
- GOOD MORNING.
all: HI, DAD.
- OH, FRENCH TOAST, COOL.
- YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT BATCH, RAY.
I BURNED IT. - NO, I DON'T MIND IT.
- HAVE MINE, DADDY.
- YOUR FATHER'S UNBELIEVABLE.
- GIVE ME MY TOOLS!
- NO!
HE BROKE MY STOVE.
- YOU ASKED ME TO WORK ON IT!
- YES, I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO HIT IT WITH A HAMMER.
- THAT STOVE'S BEEN ASKING FOR IT FOR 35 YEARS.
- I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO EAT NOW.
- GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
all: HEY.
- HEY, WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, FRENCH TOAST?
- NO, DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE SOMETHING.
all: YAY!
- ALL RIGHT, SIT DOWN.
- UNCLE ROBERT'S HUNGRY AND BIG, AND IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO GET EATEN, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY
- THIS ISN'T SO TERRIBLE. - WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
- HERE, HAVE SOME FRUIT IN THE MEANTIME.
- AHH. WHO WANTS GRAPES?
- RAY, I THINK IT'S GETTING A LITTLE TOO CROWDED IN HERE.
- YEAH, IT IS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE NEED A BIGGER TABLE.
- ALL RIGHT, WHO WOULD LIKE SOME CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES?
all: ME!
- YOU'RE BEING CUTE?
[Raymond and Robert argue over each other]
- BY THE WAY, WHAT GOOD WAS THAT OPERATION
IF YOU STILL SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME, HUH?
- GIVE ME MY HAMMER.
- I'M GLAD IT SOUNDS THE SAME.
HE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL VOICE.
HE COULD HAVE BEEN A SINGER.
- MA, WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH--
- THAT'S RIGHT.
HERE, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, ROBERT.
[singing] YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE.
- ALL RIGHT, STOP IT, PLEASE, I'M EATING.
- [singing] THAT'S WHY I'LL ALWAYS BE AROUND YOU.
- HEY, DAD, HIT ME WITH THE HAMMER!
- DON'T TEASE HIM LIKE THAT.
- MA, PUT BANANAS-- BANANAS IN THE PANCAKES.
- YOU'RE A WONDERFUL SINGER.
- HE ISA WONDERFUL SINGER.
- NOT GREEN BANANAS, THOUGH, 'CAUSE THEY MAKE ME ALL--
THEY MAKE MY STOMACH ALL WEIRD.
[all talking at once]