1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:07,310
To the dread rattling thunder,
have I given fire

2
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,234
and rifted Jove's stout oak with his own bolt.

3
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,674
The strong-based promontory
have I made shake.

4
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,230
And by the spurs
plucked up the pine and cedar.

5
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:28,071
Graves at my command
have waked their sleepers.

6
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:34,679
Op'd and let 'em forth by my so potent art.

7
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,190
Here's one. What would you rather be?

8
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,071
Is now the best time to do this?

9
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,800
Right. Would you rather be you,

10
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:51,033
with your face and your legs
and the brain of a chimpanzee...

11
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,519
Brilliant.

12
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,116
...or would you rather be a chimpanzee,
but with your brain?

13
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,393
I can't answer that.

14
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,632
It's too inane, even for you.
That's the worst one yet.

15
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,833
...and deeper than did ever plummet sound.

16
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,830
I'll drown my book.

17
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,833
DIRECTOR: And cut!

18
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,274
Good. Very good.

19
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,637
DIRECTOR: Patrick, happy?

20
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,318
Okay, so we're...

21
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,950
Oh, for...

22
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,870
- All right?
- Yeah.

23
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,600
- Now that is acting.
- Yeah, I know what acting is, Greg.

24
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,956
Well, you know what watching acting is.

25
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,352
Actually, you can watch me later.
I've got a line.

26
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:52,233
"All's lost. To prayer, to prayer, all's lost."

27
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,119
- That's embarrassing.
- You don't know what it means, do you?

28
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,271
- Not the way you did it, no.
- But you don't know what it means?

29
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,715
- I don't care what it means so...
- You've no idea?

30
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,872
No, because while you were at school
swotting up on Shakespeare,

31
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,678
I was out living a real life, shagging birds.

32
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,070
You told me you didn't have sex
till you were 22.

33
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,992
- Why are you joining in?
-Interesting.

34
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,275
No, it's not.

35
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,874
You said your mum
wouldn't let you bring girls home.

36
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,871
- Why are you still joining in?
- The plot thickens.

37
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,713
The plot doesn't thicken
because I could have been lying to her.

38
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,438
- Calm down!
- If you were lying,

39
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,479
why did you say that you lost your virginity
to a woman that looked like Ronnie Corbett?

40
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,313
And it's good night from me.

41
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,592
- Rubbish.
- I've got to go. That's great. Good luck.

42
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,389
I hope you have better luck with the acting
than you clearly have had with the ladies.

43
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,914
You don't know anything.

44
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,832
- See you later.
- Bye.

45
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,679
I'd love to show him.

46
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,956
Don't worry.
You will get off with another woman.

47
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,873
I mean my acting career!
I get off with birds all the time.

48
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,394
Sorry.

49
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,756
Why did you tell him
about the Ronnie Corbett woman?

50
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:50,955
I don't know.

51
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,834
PATRICK: Enter.

52
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:08,436
Oh, hi. I'm probably going to get fired
for even being here.

53
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,832
I'm an extra in this, but I'm an actor, really.

54
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,356
And, well, I'm desperate
and as I said, I'm really sorry but...

55
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,034
Oh, come on, don't apologise. Sit down.

56
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,351
You're hustling. Acting is a noble
profession but it's a tough one.

57
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,556
So how are you getting yourself out there?

58
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:27,917
Well, I'm just getting my face around
in anything I can,

59
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,436
but, you know, I suppose I'm networking,
but I've written a script.

60
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,114
You see, writing, you see, that's the key.

61
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,953
- I'm writing myself at the moment.
- Right.

62
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,999
You see, as actors,
the only choice we have is yes or no.

63
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,313
Whereas if you're writing your own material,
you're creating your own opportunities.

64
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,038
Well, this is my thinking, yes.

65
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,997
I'm writing this screenplay

66
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,914
and I find the whole process
absolutely exhilarating.

67
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,355
What's yours about,
if you don't mind me asking?

68
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,113
How best to explain it?

69
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,873
- You've seen me in X-Men?
- Yes.

70
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,110
The character I am, Professor Charles Xavier,

71
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,239
if you remember, he can control things
with the power of his mind.

72
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,436
- Yes.
- Make people do things and see things.

73
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,638
So I thought,
"What if you could do that for real?"

74
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,599
I mean, not in a comic book world
but in the real world.

75
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,354
- Oh, right.
- So in my film I play a man

76
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,434
-who controls the world with his mind.
- Right. That's interesting.

77
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:24,593
Yes. For instance, I'm walking along
and I see this beautiful girl

78
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,036
and I think I'd like to see her naked
and so all her clothes fall off.

79
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,673
All her clothes fall off?

80
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,752
Hm. Yes, and she's scrabbling around
to get them back on again

81
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,117
but even before she can get her knickers on,
I've seen everything.

82
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,157
You know, I've seen it all.

83
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:43,117
- Okay. It's a comedy, is it?
- No.

84
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,511
It's about what would happen
if these things were possible.

85
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,798
- What's the story, though? What's the...
- Well, I do other stuff.

86
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,633
Like, I'm riding my bike in the park
and this policewoman says,

87
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,872
"Oi! You can't ride your bike on the grass,"
and I go, "Oh, no?"

88
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,678
And her uniform falls off.

89
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,071
And she goes, "Ah!" and she's trying
to cover up but I've seen everything.

90
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:06,199
Anyway, and I get on my bike, I ride off.
On the grass.

91
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,671
So, it's mainly you sort of going around
seeing ladies' tits.

92
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:13,949
Mainly.

93
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,998
And I do other stuff like,
I go to the World Cup Final

94
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,471
and it's Germany versus England
and I wish that I were playing.

95
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,915
And suddenly I am
and I score the winning goal.

96
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,231
They carry me into the dressing room
and there's Rooney and Beckham

97
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,880
-and then Posh Spice walks in and...
- Her clothes fall off?

98
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,189
- Instantly.
- Sure.

99
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,271
- She doesn't know what's happening.
- No.

100
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,431
- But I've seen...
- Seen everything.

101
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,033
Again.

102
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,034
Good. ls there a narrative at all?
ls there like a story in the film or is it just...

103
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,591
- Well, I'm a sort of James Bond figure.
- Right.

104
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:49,117
And I have to go to Iraq
to rescue these hostages.

105
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,511
And I get there and I rescue them,
but they're all women.

106
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,479
And they're naked
because their clothes had rotted off.

107
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,155
But I get them into the helicopter
and I'm flying the helicopter,

108
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,551
but I can still sneak a look in the mirror
and I can see everything.

109
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,234
You know, one of them is bending over,
two of them are kissing.

110
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,278
- They've turned lesbian?
- Because they'd been in the camp so long.

111
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,910
It can happen. Well, good luck with that.
I've just written a sitcom,

112
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,913
but I wonder if you could give it
to anyone you know, you know.

113
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,399
- Yes.
- In film or TV...

114
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,312
-ls there any nudity in it?
- Any...

115
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,198
- Any nudity in it?
- Not really.

116
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,510
- Oh.
- Well, there could be.

117
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,954
Men or women?

118
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,118
- Either.
- Oh.

119
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,952
Well, just women.

120
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,076
- Right.
- I'd need to rewrite, but...

121
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,755
in the meantime, if you could give it
to anyone in TV or film or...

122
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,309
Yes, definitely. I will make it so.

123
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,710
You've seen Star Trek: The Next Generation?

124
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,191
- I haven't, no.
- Your wife won't let you have it on?

125
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,872
- I'm not married.
- Oh. Your girlfriend, then?

126
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,349
I have no girlfriend. I live alone.

127
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,195
You're not married, you haven't got
a girlfriend and you don't watch Star Trek?

128
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,839
No.

129
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,719
Good Lord.

130
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,831
You're probably wondering why
I called you in for an unscheduled meeting.

131
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,675
- Got the wrong day?
- No, not at all, no. These are exciting times.

132
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,080
I know you've been busy.

133
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,516
I've been busy as well generating
a lot of heat about your sitcom script.

134
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,829
- Really?
- Yeah.

135
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,117
Took the liberty of sending the script to
a production company, Picard Productions.

136
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,558
They sent it to the BBC comedy department,
who got in touch, and there's a lot of buzz.

137
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,233
What, the BBC have called you?

138
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,038
Yeah. They just say, "We love the script.

139
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,431
"We'd like to get you in and
have a meeting, a chat and brainstorm."

140
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,433
- Brilliant. Who's the production company?
- You wouldn't have heard of them.

141
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:37,400
A little company called Picard Productions
set up by Patrick Stewart. I sent it to them...

142
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,199
- You sent it to Patrick Stewart?
-"This is dynamite stuff..."

143
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,873
- Recently?
- About two months ago.

144
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,918
No, you didn't. I gave it to him on set.

145
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,520
Even if I haven't done anything
towards this...

146
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,752
please can I still have
my twelve-and-a-half percent?

147
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,353
Please.

148
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,360
- Yeah, why not?
- Yeah? Thank you.

149
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,276
I mean, that's sort of the way it's done so...

150
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,749
Have you thought about
who could play the main character?

151
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,797
- I'm playing the main character.
- Really? Are you sure?

152
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,589
You're a bit of a nobody. I'm not sure
they'd cast a nobody in the main role.

153
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,398
Well, we'd insist.

154
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,040
I think the obvious choice
is right under your nose. Barry.

155
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,680
Yeah. No offence, Shaun.
I'm playing the lead character.

156
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,558
Are you sure 'cause he's really versatile?

157
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,870
- I'm sure he is.
- I'm not sure what it is you can do.

158
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,839
Barry can do all sorts. Do your serious.

159
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,878
You do love me, Janine, you do.
I know you do.

160
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,998
- Yeah. Do your comical.
- Pat, you've trodden on my foot! Get off!

161
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,117
- He's a singer as well.
- # Mustang Sally #

162
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,238
- Loud, isn't it?
- He did a gig once without a microphone.

163
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,754
There wasn't a microphone there.

164
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,036
He turned up for this gig,
there was no PA system, nothing.

165
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,918
- Tell him.
- They were going to cancel the gig.

166
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,116
I said, "You're having a laugh!
I don't need a microphone.

167
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,396
-"Microphones are for wimps."
- He said microphones are for wimps.

168
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,598
I belted it out, just like that,
in front of what, 140-odd people.

169
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,115
And they were really spread out
because it was a thousand-seater venue.

170
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,635
Lot of empty seats, didn't faze him,
just went for it. Go on, do it.

171
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,519
# All you want to do is ride around Sally #

172
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,353
- Sing it with me now!
- # Ride, Sally, ride #

173
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,716
- What are you doing?
- Just having a little sing-song.

174
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,679
I'm doing the lead in this, okay?
I'm playing the lead character.

175
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,637
That's it, I don't want to discuss it.

176
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,119
- Are you sure?
- Yes.

177
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,079
I don't know...
You've never struck me as a funny bloke.

178
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,514
Sorry?

179
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,319
You always come in here
and you're really negative and a bit...

180
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,913
Doesn't that tell you something?

181
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,469
I know what you're saying but
I don't get Barry any work and he's happy.

182
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,517
- Not entirely happy.
- Calm down, mate.

183
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,991
Giving it all this in front of a client. If you've
got an issue, have a meeting with me.

184
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,277
You've been hanging around with him
too much, giving it this.

185
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,880
- Hi, hello.
- Hi.

186
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,396
- Iain Morris, Head of New Comedy.
- I'm Andy. This is my agent.

187
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,400
- Darren Lamb. Nice to meet you.
- Hello. Nice to meet you. Good.

188
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,517
- Okay, well, take a seat.
- Thank you.

189
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,713
Okay, we're just waiting for one more person.

190
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,838
I want you to meet Damon Beesley.
He's a producer here,

191
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,117
but he's also a great writer
and he's a script editor and I'd like to...

192
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,191
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

193
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,831
Room for a small one? Cheeky,
you started without me. Not for the first time.

194
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,230
What's he been saying? It's all lies.

195
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,357
Lucky for you, I haven't said anything at all.

196
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,919
- Andy, this is Damon.
- Hi.

197
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,789
Oh, bloody hell, we're not worthy,
we're not worthy.

198
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,349
Je t'aime your script. I wet myself laughing.

199
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,273
At last, some real talent at the BBC.

200
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,237
- Cheers.
- He's happy.

201
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,594
Where are we?

202
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,479
I just wanted to find out
where you see this project going.

203
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,153
- BBC 1.
- No, I don't actually.

204
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,958
- BBC 3?
-No, BBC 2.

205
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,509
I think that's just really good for comedy.

206
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,114
I think if you come up
with a new project on BBC 1,

207
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,635
you've got to really water it down,
you know?

208
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,996
- I don't want a laughter track.
- No laughs.

209
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,276
- There'll be laughs.
- There'll be big laughs.

210
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,920
But I just want it to be...

211
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,879
I don't want it to be a comedy
aimed at people without a sense of humour.

212
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,076
I want people to be able to think about it.

213
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,754
I don't want it filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

214
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,832
Unless you guys disagree with that,
in which case we can change all that.

215
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,752
- Just do whatever you want to do.
- No.

216
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,797
No, there's no need to do that.

217
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,032
What I would say, though,
is because this is your first project,

218
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,634
I would like you to initially write
with someone else.

219
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,358
- He will write with anyone.
- I won't.

220
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,353
He will not write with anyone,
that's a deal breaker.

221
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,477
No. I'd like to write it myself

222
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,030
just because it's based on
my own experiences, really.

223
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,999
The character is based on a boss
I used to work for.

224
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,799
And I just generally think
the best things are auteured.

225
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,634
Turd?

226
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:41,875
No?

227
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,880
All right, I'm happy for you
to write it yourself

228
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,078
but I would feel happier getting Damon
just to work with you as script editor.

229
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,949
Someone to bounce ideas off, just tidy up
the first script. I think it's a bit flabby.

230
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,919
Yeah, it's just a bag of ideas at the moment,
but yeah, fine.

231
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,676
I think the best thing to move this forward
is to get you two together in a little room.

232
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,751
- Oh!
- Shh!

233
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,676
Inappropriate at a meeting at the BBC, that.

234
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,070
- Okay, that would be great.
- Okay.

235
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,915
Okay, let's talk cash because,
as you know, this script is piping hot.

236
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,799
- So we're looking for big bucks.
- We don't need to talk cash now.

237
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,712
We need to talk a little bit about cash.

238
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,430
Just get some money up front for,
you know, supplies, pencils.

239
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,399
- I could probably find you a computer.
- You happy with a computer?

240
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,756
- Yes.
- He's happy with that. We'll go with that.

241
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,035
Okay, good.

242
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,599
- You sure you're happy?
- Yes.

243
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,193
- Thanks.
- Great.

244
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,556
- Thank you very much.
- Nice to meet you.

245
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,113
# Celebrate good times, come on #

246
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,794
Did you get it? Oh, brilliant.

247
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,553
- Oh, well done!
- Oh, yes.

248
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,914
Someone's celebrating.

249
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,958
What, a wealthy old relative
popped her clogs, has she?

250
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,758
No. So why am I celebrating?

251
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,878
Could be because of the TV show
the BBC have just given me.

252
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,759
- TV show?
- Yeah, pilot for a sitcom. So...

253
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,195
- What sitcom?
- The sitcom I wrote.

254
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,193
- You're not funny.
- Well, the BBC beg to differ.

255
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,989
- What's it about?
-It's about my old boss I used to work for.

256
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,354
Write about what you know.

257
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:18,389
I'd just like to say I've got something for you,
just to say thanks for all the great times.

258
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,518
Just a few crumbs from the table.
Share the wealth.

259
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,240
I am devastated, really,
to be leaving you lot behind.

260
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,550
We've had such great...
Especially you, Julie.

261
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,029
- Lucy.
- Whatever. Shouldn't you be in costume?

262
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,997
- I am in costume.
- Yeah?

263
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,913
Why did we never...
And you, will you please call me?

264
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,431
- I haven't got your number.
- Yeah, 079... (MUMBLING)

265
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,955
- 07 what?
- Listen up. 0793334...

266
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,715
All the threes, put them all in otherwise
it doesn't work. And in a particular order.

267
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,234
- Get it off Julie...
- Lucy.

268
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,719
- Whatever.
- I haven't got your number.

269
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,518
- I'll text it to you.
- You haven't got my number.

270
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,194
I know, but I'll work it out.
Then we'll all have it, won't we?

271
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,989
Then we can arrange the camping trip
we've always talked about.

272
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,276
- Anyway, I'll see you later.
- Yeah, okay. Bye.

273
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,033
See you later, man.

274
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,954
You all right? You look a bit pale.
Could you get some rouge for Greg?

275
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,270
- I'm fine.
- You all right? You look a bit sick.

276
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,713
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

277
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,798
I think structurally,
we're all higgledy-piggledy-pew

278
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:41,714
and I think we can get to the boss coming in
quicker and set him up straight away.

279
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,475
Well, we could start with him actually
walking in to work, in the first scene.

280
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,916
He just actually comes in
and that's when you see him.

281
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,675
The real Ray used to come in to work
every day without fail.

282
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,717
He'd just walk up to someone
and say something like,

283
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,110
"Have you done those invoices?"
And they'd go, "No."

284
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,591
And he'd go, "Is he having a laugh?
Are you having a laugh?"

285
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,751
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

286
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,549
Brilliant. We're having that.
That's super, that's funny. Do it again.

287
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,029
That's what he used to do,
just go up to someone

288
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:12,034
and go every time, "Is he having a laugh?
Are you having a laugh?"

289
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,757
That's great. That will be a catchphrase.

290
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,275
- I'm not sure about catchphrases.
- No, it'll be great.

291
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,512
People can say it. "Is he having a laugh?
Are you having a laugh?"

292
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,479
- I just think catchphrases are too easy.
- Are you having a laugh?

293
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,551
I think it could get a little bit
annoying after a while.

294
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,837
Do you fancy a coffee?
I haven't had one in about 20 minutes.

295
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,560
Shall I get one from upstairs
or do you fancy one from Costa's?

296
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,314
- It might take me a bit longer.
- That one, then.

297
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,869
Are you having a laugh?

298
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,635
- Oh, hello. Can we help?
- Hi. It's my friend Maggie. Come in.

299
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,075
- This is Damon.
- Oh, you cow, I love your bag.

300
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,309
Oh, thank you.

301
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,437
I'm just off on a cappuccino run,
do you want one?

302
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,830
No, it's fine. I'm just here for a wee minute.

303
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,912
Okay, well, lovely to meet you.
See you again, hopefully.

304
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,479
- Bye for now.
- Bye.

305
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,836
DAMON: Oi, Bowker, you poofter!

306
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,514
- Welcome to our world.
- Look at you.

307
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,353
- Take a seat. Take a letter.
- I will.

308
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,113
(MAGGIE GIGGLES EXCITEDLY)

309
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,079
- Are you well?
- Yeah, well, you know. Got my health.

310
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,760
- But listen, how's it going here?
- He's doing my head in.

311
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,239
- Who?
- Who?

312
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,597
Who? Who do you...
The owner of this monstrosity.

313
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:18,033
Quentin Crisp who just skipped down
the corridor going, "I want a cappuccino."

314
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,760
Oh, he's too gay, he's too gay.

315
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,231
- What do you mean?
- No one needs to be that gay.

316
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,914
- What do you mean he's too gay?
- He's a cliché of a gay.

317
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,471
If I was doing Give us A Clue and
the clue came up "A gay bloke", I'd do him.

318
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,155
- Unbelievable.
- Well, that's just a wee bit homophobic.

319
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:39,074
It's not homophobic.
No, I don't care how much arse sex he has.

320
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,436
But why does he have to be that camp?

321
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,750
Screaming and clapping.
When does that happen?

322
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,117
When do you suddenly think,
"Well, I prefer a nice little saveloy

323
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,670
"to a battered cod
so I'd better walk like this."

324
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,036
- I liked him.
- Of course you do.

325
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,670
- Women like you love the gays.
- What do you mean, women like me?

326
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,956
Wrong side of 30, six out often for looks.

327
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,509
You've got someone to go to the disco with,
haven't you?

328
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,513
And you walk in with him and you go,
"No, I'm not sharking, I've got a bloke."

329
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,514
But if a bloke comes up that you fancy,
you go, "Oh, him? He's just my gay friend."

330
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,989
- Perfect. It's a safety net.
- Six out of ten.

331
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,277
- Yeah.
- Is that all I get? Six out often?

332
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,318
- I don't know...
- Look me in the eye and say six out often.

333
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,550
Shall I look you in your wonky eye
or your good eye?

334
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,712
I have got one eye a wee bit higher up
than the other one.

335
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,360
- See you.
- Bye.

336
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,273
I was going to ask you,
how are you getting on with Andy?

337
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:33,637
He's lovely, isn't he?
He's very talented. Very funny script.

338
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,870
You've not run into
any of his funny little ways?

339
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,839
- No.
- Well, he can be quite odd sometimes.

340
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,594
I just wanted to let you know
that he is like that with everybody.

341
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,036
- How do you mean?
- Well, like noise.

342
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,031
He's got this thing about noise.

343
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,270
Like, I've seen him at a restaurant,
somebody at the table nearby

344
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,512
is cutting their meat too loudly and
he's getting himself all annoyed about it.

345
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,433
Oh, note to self. Cut meat quietly.

346
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,150
Yes. And you might find you might want
to just tone it down a little bit.

347
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,392
- Tone what down?
- Well, you're quite camp, which is great,

348
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,438
but I think maybe sometimes
he thinks you're too gay.

349
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,793
Did he say that?

350
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,713
Yeah, but I mean, he wasn't being nasty
about it. I just think...

351
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,599
Oh, no. I've said the wrong thing.
I shouldn't have, should I?

352
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,876
No, no, I'm fine. I'm glad you told me.

353
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,396
Oh, good. Thank God for that.
I thought I'd put my foot in it by telling...

354
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,993
- Not at all.
- Okay.

355
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,391
- Well, it was lovely to meet you.
- Absolutely. Lovely to meet you.

356
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,391
- See you again.
- I'll take it on board.

357
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,993
Bye.

358
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,673
You have one message. Message one.

359
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:40,909
(BEEP)

360
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,994
Hello, dear. It's your daddy here, er...
with your mummy.

361
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,436
- Erm...nothing important.
- MUM: Oh, give it to me.

362
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,719
Hello, dear. Great news about Andy.
We're so pleased for him.

363
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:57,158
And it just got us thinking that maybe you
should try and do something with your life.

364
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,398
I mean, your dad and I aren't expecting
anything spectacular.

365
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,359
We were just thinking maybe a wee job
you could be proud of.

366
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,831
You know, we love you so much,
we hate to think of you growing old

367
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,709
and being poor and living in squalor
and dying a spinster.

368
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,394
So, just give us a call
to put our minds at rest

369
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,472
that you're not just frittering your life away,
would you? Okay?

370
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:20,190
And if things get any worse, you can always
come back home. We've still got your room.

371
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,191
DAD: Well, it's sort of my study now.

372
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,318
MUM: We could easily squeeze in
a tiny wee single bed.

373
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,914
All right then, give us a call, sweetheart.
Bye for now.

374
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,274
DAD: Bye dear.

375
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,430
Bye.

376
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,038
(sun-nus)

377
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:39,394
Okay, great. Well, I love the changes.
I think this is looking great. Well done.

378
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,472
- Oh, thank you.
- I think we're ready to move things forward.

379
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,679
I'd like to shoot a non-broadcast pilot
with a view to making a series.

380
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,434
Oh! Okay, thank you.

381
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,033
- All right.
- Brilliant.

382
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,760
So, are you happy with the way
things have gone so far?

383
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,877
- Definitely.
- You happy working with Damon?

384
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,316
- Definitely.
- No problems with the working relationship?

385
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,040
- Nothing you want to discuss?
- No.

386
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,519
Okay.

387
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,876
- I'm not too gay for you, then?
- Damon.

388
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,112
I'm sorry. I said I wasn't going to say
anything but he's lying through his teeth.

389
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,952
Excuse me.

390
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,632
Your friend, Maggie, is it?
She told him what you said about him.

391
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,189
- What did I say about him?
- That he's too gay.

392
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,195
- Oh! No. She's an idiot. She's an idiot.
- So you didn't say that?

393
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,118
Yes, but he wasn't meant to hear it.

394
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:32,839
It concerns me if you're so homophobic,
you couldn't work with a gay person...

395
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,196
No, no, no, no, I'm not homophobic.

396
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,556
In fact, I actually said to her,

397
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,719
I said,
"I don't care how much arse sex he has...

398
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,839
"he's just too..." What was it?
I can't remember what I said.

399
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,069
You're aware that I'm gay?

400
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,480
Didn't...

401
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,393
Well, no, you didn't... And you don't make
a song and dance. You don't go,

402
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,391
"Ooh, hello! I'm..."

403
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,596
- No, I didn't.
- I'll stop you there.

404
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:00,829
Go on.

405
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,309
What concerns me is
we've all got to work together

406
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,232
and if this is where we are
when we've only just started,

407
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,357
where the hell are we going to be
a month or so down the line?

408
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,239
It won't be a problem
because I'll just apologise to Damo.

409
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,711
Everyone gets wound up with
the people they work in close proximity with.

410
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,677
Little things wind you up,
so it doesn't matter.

411
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,469
It's not a case of being straight or gay.
It's my neuroses and I'll just, you know...

412
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,279
Do you think you could put your
hang-ups and your neuroses on hold?

413
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,431
- Yes.
- He won't be around for long.

414
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,989
- What, AIDS?
- Sorry?

415
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,116
Is it AIDS?

416
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,073
No. I mean the pilot
will only take a couple of months.

417
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,673
Oh, yeah.

418
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,957
Right. Listen, talk to Damo, I'll talk to him.

419
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,119
We'll see where we are and if we feel
we can go forward with this project or not.

420
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,397
We can... Okay, I'll talk to him.
I'll talk to him now.

421
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,312
- Okay, good.
- Okay.

422
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,949
- Okay, I'll go and talk to him.
- All right, bye.

423
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,395
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

424
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,756
- Hello.
- Hi. Do me a favour. Stay out of my business.

425
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,434
- Andy, what? Come in.
- I may have lost the pilot thanks to you.

426
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:00,669
- Why?
- Why?

427
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,637
Because you stuck your nose in
where it wasn't needed.

428
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,155
Telling Damo I thought he was too gay.
What were you thinking?

429
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,959
I was thinking that you were stressed
and I just wanted to help you.

430
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,874
That's helping rne, is it?
I just can't believe your stupidity sometimes.

431
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,793
Andy, don't be like this, I can't cope.
I'm having a bad time at the moment.

432
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,791
Sorry. What's a bad time for you?

433
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,190
Tie-dyed the wrong T-shirt?
You lost a kooky broach?

434
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,511
I was just about getting to where I wanted
to be and you may have fucked it up.

435
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,557
- I've been grovelling all day at the BBC.
- What do you mean?

436
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,154
I've got a meeting there at 4:00,
they may pull the plug.

437
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,709
Imagine if they pull the plug, how am I going
to look you in the face again?

438
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,473
- Do you want me to say something?
- You're not listening.

439
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,393
I'm sorry, Andy.
I don't know what you want me to say.

440
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,994
- I was just trying to help you.
- I don't want you to help me anymore.

441
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,835
I want you to stop living like a child,
floating through life like everything's okay

442
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,672
until it actually affects someone, okay?

443
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:46,594
So really, my advice to you is,
you've got to grow up.

444
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:52,358
Clean up, just sort your own mess out
before you get involved in my life, really.

445
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,596
- Do you want to follow me?
- Yeah.

446
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,753
It's unfortunate we've ended up
in this position, Andy.

447
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,036
I'm not going to speak for Damon.

448
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,157
Damon, come on.

449
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,073
- Well, things were said that were very hurtful.
- Yeah.

450
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,957
But your apology means a lot to me.

451
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:50,432
So, if you're happy to work with me,
then I'd like to carry on working with you.

452
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,431
Definitely. Definitely. Yeah.

453
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,477
I'm such a huge fan of this project.

454
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,074
- I'm a big fan of yours, so...
- Great.

455
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,594
- Happy?
-Definitely.

456
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,035
- Water under the bridge.
- Wonderful.

457
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,990
Okay, let's get some dates sorted
and get the ball rolling on his project.

458
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,959
- Yeah.
- Come on, silly. Huggy Bears.

459
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,279
DAMON: Now.

460
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:13,475
Okay?

461
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,755
- Do you want one?
- No.

462
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,593
- Just normal? Okay, brilliant. Okay, thanks.
- Yes.

463
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,033
Cheers.

464
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:00,554
Cut. Great.

465
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,199
Thank you.

466
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,871
- See you.
- See you. That's me done.

467
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,758
- Oh, I'll see you soon.
- Yeah, bye.

468
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:16,955
Maggie.

469
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,879
- Hi.
- You all right?

470
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,519
Yeah.

471
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,432
- And you?
- Yeah.

472
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,111
Here, look.

473
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,520
Okay, now.

474
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:32,879
PATRICK: Hello, Maggie.

475
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,395
- Hello.
- This is Patrick Stewart here.

476
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,279
And the reason you're hearing
my rich, sexy voice

477
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,591
is that Andy is not man enough
to apologise himself,

478
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,591
even though he knows he's in the wrong.

479
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,876
That's why he's asked me to do it for him.

480
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:51,350
Please, look at his fat, expressionless face.
He doesn't mean any of the things he said

481
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,193
and he knows you don't have
a malicious bone in your body

482
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,715
-and were just trying to help.
- Thank you.

483
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,149
If you can find it in your heart to forgive him,

484
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:04,074
then please...make it so.

485
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,030
Have you seen
Star Trek: The Next Generation?

486
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,879
Er, no, I haven't, actually.

487
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,191
Never mind.
Incidentally, Maggie, are you an actress?

488
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,669
Because I'm writing a film
and I'd love you to be in it.

489
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,070
Okay. No, she can't. Okay, thanks.

490
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,795
Cheers.

491
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,271
- What was that about a film?
- You don't want any part of it, trust me.

492
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,111
- Your hair looks really nice.
- Shut your face.

493
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,760
- What? It does.
- Well, thanks.

494
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,354
- The pilot's fine, by the way.
- Thank God for that.

495
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,549
I just wanted to let you know
that I have taken on board

496
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,758
all that stuff that you were saying
about growing up.

497
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,195
- Oh, don't please, shut up.
- Well, I have.

498
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,351
- Oh, don't.
- Well, you know what I mean.

499
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,590
- Well, I'm mortified.
- No, I know, but you were right.

500
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,593
I wasn't right. You're about the most
grown-up person I know.

501
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,877
- I'm sort of the only person you know.
- You win by default.

502
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,398
Correct.

503
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,278
I'm really sorry.

504
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,190
Can you let go of my hand, please?

505
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,833
Of course. Aren't my hands lucky? 'Cause
that would ruin everything, wouldn't it?

506
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,753
- He's quite a nice one, though, isn't he?
- He's fine.

507
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,071
I've been working up to saying hello to him
for the last couple of days.

508
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,912
- Sure.
- What do you think?

509
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,354
- You know what I think.
- What?

510
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,351
I think you're a tart.

511
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,113
Go on, then.

512
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,318
- Work your magic.
- Yeah, I will.

513
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,629
I'll see you later, yeah?

514
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,393
- See you.
- See you.

515
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,799
ANDY: That was quick.

516
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,236
I couldn't think of anything witty to say.
He was on the phone anyway.

517
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,112
ANDY: What would you rather do...

518
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,794
(MAGGIE LAUGHS) Go on, then.

519
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,917
Wake up and your teeth
have sort of fallen out,

520
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,435
wake up and your hair's fallen out,

521
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:57,400
or wake up and your toes have fallen off?

522
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,073
(MAGGIE LAUGHING)

523
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,714
Er...what, is my hair gone for good?

524
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,394
(TEA FOR THE TILLERMAN
BY CAT STEVENS)