1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,878 I'd like to see him come at me with all that "I'm a hard bastard" stuff. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,555 I'd say, "Put the baseball bat down, send the minders home. 3 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,712 "It's just you and me, skin on skin." 4 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,199 Stripped to the waist. 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,474 He starts with me, I will destroy him. 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,910 Brilliant. And, again, this time I won't laugh. 7 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,197 Exactly the same, I won't laugh. I promise. Okay? 8 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,516 - He starts with me... - I lied. 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,471 I've talked to actual SAS people, I mean, they've told me what it stands for. 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,918 What's it stand for? 11 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,191 Super Army Soldiers. 12 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,598 Okay, on "action". 13 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,273 DIRECTOR: Action! 14 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,155 DIRECTOR: Okay. ROSS KEMP: Not okay. 15 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,237 Super... 16 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,878 Full take. Okay. 17 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,353 Ridiculous. Okay. 18 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,874 Okay, this time. This time, this time. Okay. 19 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,554 Sorry, Jude, everyone, Carl. Okay. 20 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,631 What's it stand for, then? 21 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,119 Super Army Soldiers. 22 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,079 I'm fucked. 23 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,234 MAGGIE: No. 24 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,519 (MAGGIE LAUGHING) 25 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,639 And, action! 26 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,199 RICKY: Fuck off! 27 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,438 (RICKY LAUGHING) 28 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,030 I actually took too much to begin with. 29 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,872 - I'm a bit screwed, I think. - Yeah. 30 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,075 All set! 31 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,552 - RICKY: Told you. - Fuck. 32 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,869 Action. 33 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,911 (RICKY LAUGHING) 34 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,232 RICKY: Do you know what I laughed at? 35 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,717 - Oh, get him another cup. -It's 'cause I don't want to keep drinking it. 36 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,393 No, get him another cup. I can't do that. 37 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,914 - What are you talking about? - I can't... 38 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,389 Get another cup. I'm not having that. 39 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,278 - What? - Fucking disgusting. 40 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,350 But otherwise... 41 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,000 - Recycled fucking tea and gob. - I've got to keep drinking the tea. 42 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,118 - Have a little sip of tea and drink it. - But I've been... 43 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,998 I've been on about three cups now. 44 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,118 I was dressed up as a fucking genie for a day. 45 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,794 DIRECTOR: Yeah. Actually, just come to your right first, Ricky. 46 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,154 Is that all right, John? 47 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,674 It's a bit much on me, Martin. 48 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:44,559 Come on, love, you're like a dead horse. Put a bit of minge around it. 49 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,478 (CREW LAUGHING) 50 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,589 - That went right in my eye. - Sorry. 51 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,432 And action! 52 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:56,995 - Ready? - Yeah. 53 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,549 Okay. Last one in. And action! 54 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,915 - It's action. Don't say action. - I won't say action. 55 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,389 - Okay. Which is a problem. - Whenever you're ready. 56 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,232 Right. Ready? Ready? 57 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:09,874 Well, look. Right. 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,080 God! Okay, look. 59 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,431 Right. Ready? Look. 60 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,238 - Come on, then. - Stop it. 61 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,233 Right. Okay, here we go. 62 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,992 You could be up her like a rat out of a drainpipe. So, that's when... 63 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:46,913 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry it was so long. I'm so sorry. 64 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,830 - I was... - Having too much fun, huh? 65 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,549 - You play the markets, do you? - Oh, yeah. 66 00:03:54,960 --> 00:04:00,080 - How's it going? Any tips? - Just always high interest. 67 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,553 - High interest? - Yeah, always. High interest. 68 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:08,794 Bad interest, that's low. That's bad. Low, bad, low interest is bad, yeah. 69 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:13,636 Erm...high interest, buy high... 70 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,189 Midsummer Night's Dream. Bottom... 71 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,749 - Oh, how is your diarrhoea? -It's good. Fine. 72 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,070 Nothing moving down there now. 73 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,754 And, action! 74 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,878 - I head-butted a horse once. - Sorry. 75 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,471 Why am I hearing all this shit about you think you're harder than me? 76 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,994 Where have you heard this? 77 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,356 Some geezer I've been doing a scene with. 78 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,830 He reckons you're far... Fucked that one up. 79 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,959 Jesus Christ! 80 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,115 - That's great. - This is silly, 81 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,032 but men think of that more often. 82 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,679 JON: Is it the fact that I've got one leg shorter than the other? 83 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,078 I hadn't noticed. 84 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,075 - JON: You hadn't noticed? - Sorry, sorry. 85 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,639 JON: Is it the leg? 86 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,279 Is it the fact that I've got one leg shorter than the other? 87 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,120 - I hadn't noticed. - You hadn't noticed? 88 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:18,470 - What are you doing, Ricky? - Just trying to not laugh. 89 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,557 There's that thing that they teach you at school. 90 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,154 - No. - Cha...oh-un...do... 91 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:29,678 That is actually a Cantonese word which means "free spirit". Chan-do. 92 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,036 WOMAN: Are we supposed to be doing that? 93 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,229 Action! 94 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:38,830 (THUD) 95 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,513 Oh, fucking hell! 96 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,959 LISA: Lead us, heavenly Father, lead us, over the world's tempestuous sea. 97 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,310 Guard us, guide us, keep us, feed us 98 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,990 for we have no help but Thee. 99 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,789 I saw Steve laugh, sorry. 100 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,719 Don't do the face. 101 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,757 - What face? - You went like that... 102 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,273 That's because I'm really genuinely trying to see. 103 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,355 God! He wasn't even pulling a face! 104 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,000 Hold up, mate. All right. Check this out, you'll love this. 105 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,472 Kind of like you... Type in 58,008 into a calculator. Turn it upside down... 106 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,517 - It is funny. - Turn it upside down, BOOBS. 107 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,316 It's worth making a note of. 108 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,595 All right, mate, come and check this out. I typed in 58,008... 109 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:41,109 All right, mate, check this out. I've just typed in 58... 110 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,556 Fuck me. Sorry, this is absolutely outrageous, guys, 111 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,472 we're two absolute professionals. 112 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,433 (RICKY LAUGHING) 113 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:48,835 Cut! 114 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:56,758 All right, mate. Just check this out. I just typed in 58,008, 115 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,713 and, amazingly... 116 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,675 All right, mate, just check this out. Just... 117 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,553 All right, mate, just check this out. I just typed in... 118 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,358 RICKY: This script is hell! 119 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,233 Turn it upside down. 120 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,320 I just typed in 58,008... 121 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,558 All right, mate, just check this out. 122 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,792 I can hear you go! 123 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,951 All right, mate, check this out. 124 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:28,670 I've just typed in 58,008, turn it upside down. BOOBS. 125 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,877 Let's just keep going from there. 126 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,030 Action! 127 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,590 The thing is, I don't actually think of him. I was an eight... What? 128 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,398 Are you putting me off? 129 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,758 - I can see you out the corner of my eye. - RICKY: What, shall I get out? 130 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,399 No, it's all right. No. It's fine. 131 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,153 RICKY: I can go anywhere, it's not an important scene. Is that okay? 132 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,514 It's all right, I can cope with it. 133 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,750 Can you see that? 'Cause I'm going to cue in... 134 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,275 - Okay, we're running. -It's fine, really. 135 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,273 Six fucking BAFTAs. 136 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,509 (RICKY LAUGHING) 137 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,473 - Right. - RICKY: Three for performance, 138 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,517 -the other three for... - Yeah, sure. Shut up. 139 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,757 Settle down and action! 140 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,270 RICKY: It wasn't my fault. No one look at me. 141 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,470 There's a good bit of phlegm gonna come up any minute. 142 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,198 - Stop it! - No, go on. Hack it up. 143 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,999 I can't laugh any more, it makes my head too tight. 144 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,391 Do what you do in Scotland. Go on. Just blow it out. 145 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,630 - Okay. - I can't do it. 146 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,791 No, she's got a big... 147 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,119 - No, it's not. -It's a furball. 148 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,760 -It's just a cold. - Have you been licking your wig? 149 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,752 Just cut there for a moment. 150 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,271 I know a woman who would be perfect for you and she's desperate. 151 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,714 One more time. 152 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,836 Hey, listen. I know a woman who would be perfect for you and she's... 153 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,399 Look at my little hands. 154 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,074 What is up with her? I keep seeing her around. 155 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,151 She's got cerebral palsy. 156 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,756 Oh, that is another guaranteed Oscar. Seriously. 157 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,877 - Seriously. - Cut, that's it. 158 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,839 Then you just pretend you're getting it on with her. 159 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,390 - I couldn't do that. - Of course you could. You're an actress. 160 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,557 - Did you hear the...? - Yes. 161 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,397 - Okay, I'd like to know... - I'm sorry. 162 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:19,075 I'm hungry. This is why I like to break for lunch at about quarter to ten. 163 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,633 If I blew your mother's head off, who'd know, your mommy's head, 164 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,236 and it would just blow right off of her, and all that was left was... 165 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,719 if I blew... 166 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,479 (RICKY LAUGHING) 167 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,115 -20 million? -40, double it. That's right. 168 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,080 Plus six, 46, three days. 75 days. Biggest Christmas Day ever. 169 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,514 ANDY: Bye, nerd. 170 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,230 - I'm a nerd? - Just picking on you. 171 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:49,640 I'm a nerd. I've kissed Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, I'm a nerd! 172 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,950 I've slapped Jennifer Aniston on her butt. 173 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,519 - Who are you? - Nobody. 174 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,240 - Who? - Nobody. 175 00:09:58,560 --> 00:09:59,789 Nobody. 176 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,269 - Nobody. - Nobody. 177 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,791 - Who are you? - Okay. 178 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,279 Who are you? 179 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,513 - Clappy board. - Okay. 180 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,477 3-46, take four. A and B cameras. 181 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,550 Run out of the way, 182 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,677 'cause you shouldn't be in this, it will look weird. 183 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,031 IAIN: You're aware that I'm gay? 184 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,549 Not that... And you don't make a song and dance. You don't go... 185 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,715 I don't... No, I didn't... It didn't matter. 186 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,753 Well, no, you didn't... And you don't make a song and dance. You don't go, 187 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,319 "Ooh, hello! I'm..." 188 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,955 No, it's not relevant. 189 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,191 You're aware that I'm gay? 190 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,234 No, 'cause you don't make a song and dance. You're not all, like... 191 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,196 'Cause you don't make a song and dance about it. You're not all... (WHEEZING) 192 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,714 Fucking hell. 193 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,394 Because you don't make a song and dance. You're not all... 194 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,471 "Hello, I'm a homosexual." 195 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,829 Well, you don't make a song and dance about it. You're not all... 196 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,638 (WHEEZING) 197 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,518 Oh, come on! 198 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,715 Okay. 199 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,558 Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay. 200 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,792 You're aware that I'm gay? 201 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,829 Oh, God! 202 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,991 - You're aware that I'm gay? - No. 203 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,470 Because you don't make a song and dance about it. You're not all... 204 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,319 (STRANGULATED) "Hello, everyone, look at me." 205 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,676 Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. 206 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,434 This time. This time. Okay. 207 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,518 Come on. 208 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,671 You're aware that I'm gay? 209 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,199 Not a problem. 210 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,477 You're aware that I'm gay? 211 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,790 - You're aware that I'm gay? - No. 212 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:25,275 No, because you don't wear... It's not like you're going around, 213 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:29,115 "Oh, everyone, oh, look. Can you guess?" No, I don't. 214 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,077 - LES: I can't marry her. - Why? What do you know? 215 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,231 - Nothing. What do you mean? - No, what did you say? 216 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,870 It's just that I've been doing a bit of thinking and I just don't think... 217 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,080 Just hold for a second. 218 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,593 Oh, I've been in that lamp so long I'm bent out of all recognition. 219 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,558 - Who are you? - Well, I'll be anyone you want me to be, 220 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,472 but you can call me Genie. 221 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,839 How does somebody as big as you fit into this tiny lamp? 222 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,595 Don't worry, I'm used to squeezing myself into tight holes. 223 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,635 WISHY: Can you help us? We're in danger. 224 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,875 - We heard him say he wants to get Aladdin. - Don't we all? 225 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,709 That's mental! That's mental! 226 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,952 We asked 100 people, "Will Les Dennis ever hang on to a bird?" 227 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,235 Our survey said... 228 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,389 We asked... 229 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,996 We asked 100 people, "Will Les Dennis ever hang on to a bird?" 230 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,559 Our survey said... 231 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:38,869 We asked 100 people, 232 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,076 "Do you want to go out tonight and see Les Dennis in panto?" 233 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,559 Our survey said... 234 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,234 How mad is that? 235 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,960 Oh, look at this website about... 236 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,429 Would this have been funny, him going through customs, 237 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,989 "I have nothing to declare but my genius." 238 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,232 "Oh! And this vibrating tongue for pleasure..." 239 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:15,479 "Oh! And this vibrating tongue for pleasuring fannies! Oh!" Is that funny? 240 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,757 Well, again, when you do it, it's got a certain something, but it's Sunday, 241 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,958 so, let's just keep the fannies down to minimum. 242 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:23,915 Do it. 243 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,753 # All you want to do is ride around Sally # 244 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,275 - Sing it with me now! - # Ride, Sally, ride # 245 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,670 - What are you doing? - Just having a sing-song. 246 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,751 # Ride, Sally, ride # 247 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,639 - What are you doing? - Just having a little sing-song. 248 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,592 # All you want to do is ride around Sally # 249 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,956 - Sing it with me now! - # Ride, Sally, ride # 250 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,919 - What are you doing? - Just having a little sing-song. 251 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,794 He looked like Beaker from the Muppets. 252 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,316 - Sing it with me now! - # Ride, Sally, ride # 253 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,755 - What are you doing? - Just having a little sing-song. 254 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,559 No, you can't do that. 255 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,598 # All you want to do is ride around Sally # 256 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,239 - Sing it with me now! - # Ride... # 257 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,790 - All her clothes fall off? - Yeah. 258 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:13,670 They fall off onto the ground and she's scrabbling to get them back on again. 259 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,910 But before she can get her knickers on... 260 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,239 She's... They fall off completely. 261 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,913 She's scrabbling around to get them back on, 262 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,150 but before she can get her knickers on... 263 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,078 What's yours about, if you don't mind me asking? 264 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,393 Well, it's... How best to explain it? You've seen me in X-Men? 265 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:39,751 I'm so sorry, Patrick, I could just think of it coming. I'm so sorry. 266 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,116 She's scrabbling around to get them back on, 267 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,760 but before she can get her knickers on, I... 268 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,155 I'm walking along the street and I see this beautiful girl, 269 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,039 and I think I'd like to see her naked... 270 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,910 I'm so sorry, Patrick, I don't know what I'm going to do. 271 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:01,631 I don't know what to do other than leave the scene and let you talk to a teddy bear. 272 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,752 No, you see, I can do other stuff as well. 273 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,514 For instance, I'm riding my bike in the park, 274 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,273 and this policewoman says... 275 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,269 And she goes, "Ah!" and she's covering herself up. 276 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,397 And she kept trying to cover herself up, but I've seen everything anyway 277 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:31,838 and I get on my bike and I ride off. On the grass. 278 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:36,756 Okay, so it's you going around, sort of, seeing tits and stuff? 279 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,639 - Ask me again, ask me again. - Okay. 280 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,994 And I score the winning goal. 281 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,232 They carry me into the dressing room and there's Rooney and Beckham 282 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,880 -and then Posh Spice walks in and... - Her clothes fall off? 283 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,155 Instantly. 284 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,436 I thought I got away with it. I tried to look over there. 285 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,875 Well, what about this? I'm a sort of James Bond figure. 286 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,713 And I have to go to Iraq to rescue some hostages. 287 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,030 And I get there and they're all women. 288 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,873 And they're naked because their clothes have all rotted away. 289 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,075 Sure. 290 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,238 Well, what about this? I'm a sort of James Bond figure. 291 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,073 And I have to go to Iraq to rescue these hostages. 292 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,834 And I get there and they're all women. 293 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,275 And they're naked because their clothes had rotted off. 294 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,796 And I rescue them anyway and I get them into the helicopter. 295 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,711 I rescue them anyway and I get them into the helicopter. 296 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,598 And even though I'm flying the helicopter, 297 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,911 I can sneak a look in the mirror and I can see them, you see. 298 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,753 And one of them is bending over... 299 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,314 - You see... - Ridiculous. 300 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,311 What about Jono Coleman? I thought he was up for it. 301 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,553 Yes, but since he did Celebrity Fit Club he's... Well, he's just not fat enough. 302 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,314 Sorry. 303 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,871 What about Jono Coleman? I thought he was up for it. 304 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,919 Yes, but since he did Celebrity Fit Club he's... Well, he's just not fat enough. 305 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,798 What about Jono Coleman? I thought he was... 306 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,477 What about Jono Coleman? I thought he was up for it. 307 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,076 Yes, but since he did Celebrity Fit Club he's... Well, he's not fat enough. 308 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,309 Keep going. 309 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,277 What about Jono Coleman? I thought he was up for it. 310 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,034 Yes, but since he did Celebrity Fit Club he's... 311 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,750 Oh, God. Wait. 312 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,275 Okay, this is it. Okay. 313 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,839 Do you know where I can find a quiet place? 314 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,470 Now you know what I'm thinking? Of how fat Jono fucking Coleman is. 315 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,474 Every time, I just see him in that swimming pool like a little baby hippo. 316 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,153 One for the DVD?