1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:06,273
Can I just apologise right now
for the quality of this DVD extra.

2
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,955
We were hoping to film a kind of fascinating
behind the scenes documentary

3
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:14,352
that would capture these big star names
at work, seeing how they operate.

4
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,949
But, sadly,
whenever we tried to film anything,

5
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,633
the camera was always missing.

6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,791
And the only reason I can...
Well, how can I explain it?

7
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,635
It's because Ricky was constantly
running off with it

8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,075
not to film Kate Winslet or Sam Jackson,

9
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,310
but to film Nigel, our editor.

10
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,996
RICKY: It's Nigel. Nigel Williams.

11
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,955
Now, it might just be me,
but I'm just putting this out to the vote.

12
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,111
Doesn't Nigel look like a lesbian?

13
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,150
Don't you think? Do you know what I mean?

14
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,511
I think you do. Just, can you get up
and just pretend you're playing pool?

15
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,034
Go on. All right, stand up.

16
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,317
- Go on.
- I'll do it, but I can't see the point.

17
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,915
Yeah, a bit butcher.
Try and be a little bit butcher.

18
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,469
But I ain't butch. I'm a butchist.

19
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,432
- He's either a little lesbian...
- I'm going back to editing now.

20
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,909
...or a little hamster. Look at his little cheeks.

21
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,559
That's ludicrous.

22
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:08,157
He's brilliant. I used to sneak in
while we were filming sometimes.

23
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,999
'Cause he was down there editing, right,
at Pinewood.

24
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,993
Yeah, and he had this little room,
and whenever I got a little bit bored

25
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,469
with working with Sam Jackson,
Kate Winslet...

26
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,315
That wasn't enough to keep him focused.
That wasn't interesting sufficiently.

27
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,597
I'd just go and film Nigel a little bit
and I used to dress him up.

28
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,750
Hold on.

29
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,959
- Why do I have to look that ridiculous?
- Because...

30
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,510
- Does it really make that much difference?
- Yeah, it's so much better like that.

31
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,638
It looks silly if you haven't got the ears out.

32
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:41,190
You are such a such a good sport, mate.

33
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,512
This doesn't go unnoticed.
Oh, you need a little bib, I think.

34
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,352
- He does anything I tell him.
- Yeah.

35
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,794
Which is great.

36
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,033
Can you get that in your mouth?

37
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,872
- No.
- Come on, try.

38
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,910
No. Come. Do it. Please, try.

39
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,435
It's bullying. Is it bullying?

40
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,878
It's not bullying,
because I think I do it with love.

41
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,189
- Yeah.
- I love doing it.

42
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,839
Sure. Sure, yeah.

43
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,880
Oh, come on. Put it in.

44
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,915
(MUFFLED) I'm going to faint.

45
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,869
I'm going to gag. I'm going to be sick.

46
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,791
- You can forget about me.
- He ain't half heavy for a baby.

47
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,835
Why?

48
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,753
Some of your fans might be concerned
as to what that...

49
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,709
What exactly the kind of dynamic is there.

50
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,718
- He's my editor.
- Yeah.

51
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,757
But, you know,
he's supposed to be editing the show.

52
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,229
- He's not, like, your plaything.
- You've got to have a break.

53
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,392
- Everyone's got to have a break.
- Not every 20 minutes.

54
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,958
RICKY: Have you got those pictures
that I drew of you?

55
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,075
I have, actually.

56
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,710
Let's have a look.
This is over a three-year period, isn't it?

57
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,397
Let's have a little look.

58
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,551
That's the first one I ever did, wasn't it?

59
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,439
When you told me you were going
to get a pair of swimming trunks.

60
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,033
- Yeah.
- To go on holiday.

61
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,351
That's the one when I first discovered
you looked a bit like a lesbian.

62
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,511
"My go on the pool table, sisters."

63
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,271
And then... That's quite interesting one.

64
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,794
(RICKY LAUGHING)

65
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,838
- I'm not quite sure what that is.
- Oh, God.

66
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,957
That's apparently me in the bathroom.

67
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,271
We've got the reflection.

68
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,351
- That's you.
- Is that meant to be me?

69
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,669
Look at those cheeks.

70
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,671
What I worked on
is the cheeks and the genitals.

71
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,390
One day, right, Nigel went to get a pudding
and he couldn't carry three.

72
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,154
So he carried two and he gave
one of them to Steve, right?

73
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,277
So I did this satirical cartoon.

74
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,034
"I've had my pudding, now you have yours."

75
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,350
That's so funny, God.

76
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:39,595
And I used to film him resting.

77
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,512
I used to be able to squeeze his ribs.

78
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,319
I used to play a big anaconda
and he was a little pig.

79
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,550
- Sure.
- So...

80
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,277
I like making him things.

81
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,158
- I like making him...
- Yeah, but not gifts, though?

82
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,153
No, no. It's costumes, hats...

83
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,715
Extra skins.

84
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,753
Just a little bit of down time, innit?

85
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,913
Look what I've made you. This is...
I must say that this isn't bought.

86
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,640
I made all this just out of stuff
that was lying around all over.

87
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,631
I'm sort of like a little womble.

88
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,631
And look how lucky he is.

89
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,597
And those are
your favourite things, aren't they?

90
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,150
- And this thing.
- No, it's, it's got its own little weapon.

91
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,874
- Hi.
- Hi. I saved this bit,

92
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,076
he didn't want to do this before
because he's got hay fever.

93
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,595
I want to make him into
a little pug-nosed freak.

94
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:36,679
Don't worry, don't worry.

95
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,513
- I'm not worried.
- Yeah, but remember what I said.

96
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,273
I ain't worried. It's going to look stupid.

97
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:45,149
I've told you before, if you look stupid,
I look stupid.

98
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,551
It's my reputation.
I'm taking responsibility for this.

99
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:52,235
I made him a gimp mask out of gaffer tape

100
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,676
which was great and I had to cut him out of it
and he was screaming 'cause it hurt.

101
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,830
- Yeah.
- What?

102
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,196
- No, he loved it. I bet he loved it.
- Yeah.

103
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,358
- Just helping Nigel out.
- Okay.

104
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,719
Look at that, see it did... Oh, yeah.

105
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:15,037
I just sort of like, I don't have any, sort of,
preplanned things.

106
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,952
I'll just see what happens, really.

107
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,116
(LAUGHING) It does look good.
Doesn't it look good?

108
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,478
That one, straight up there.

109
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,836
- Does it hurt a little bit?
- Yeah, all over.

110
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,514
-(LAUGHING) Does it hurt?
- Especially that bit there.

111
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,318
Why, what does it feel like?

112
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,879
It's just...

113
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,394
I'm worried about getting it off as well.

114
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,039
I can't see, either.

115
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,155
Oh, look at little pig-boy.

116
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,995
- Oh, God.
- Pig-boy.

117
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,190
He likes that. No, he likes it!
He likes little pig-boy.

118
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,920
Look at the camera. Look at little pig-boy.

119
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,317
Oh, I could make you trotters.

120
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,313
(MAKING PLANS FOR NIGEL BY XTC)

121
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:16,795
(PHONE RINGING)

122
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:17,950
Hello?

123
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,710
Oh, hi, do you want to speak to Nigel?
Hold on.

124
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,996
- Reception.
- Hello.

125
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,234
Hey, Jenny. Right, okay. Thanks.

126
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,759
Hi, Jenny. Hi, how you doing?

127
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,073
It's the line producer, I think.

128
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,231
Yes, I've got it, thank you, yeah.

129
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:41,915
Oh, yeah.

130
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,438
No, it wasn't anything. It's just full-frame.

131
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,356
- Sorry, I'm having trouble talking.
- Can you call her back, Nigel?

132
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,434
Can I...?

133
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,554
- Ricky, speak to Jenny.
- Can we call you back in two minutes?

134
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,076
Look at him eating! Look!

135
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,960
- That's great.
- Quite nice, yeah.

136
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,077
Does he enjoy this relationship?

137
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,749
Well, he says he doesn't, 'cause he wriggles
and he tries to get away with it

138
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,593
and he screams and he says
"I'm gonna take you to a tribunal",

139
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,957
"Don't. Oh, that's hurt", "That's my eye",
"Oh, you've pulled my hair out".

140
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,917
But, I don't know.

141
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,989
- But, secretly, you think, maybe.
- I don't know.

142
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,754
- I'm not...
- It's not for you to judge.

143
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:40,995
Sure.

144
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,957
RICKY: Well done. Good.

145
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,314
The ugly duckling...

146
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,435
(RICKY LAUGHING)

147
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,272
...turns into a swan.

148
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,034
There you go. See? Nothing to worry about.

149
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,396
- No, you're right, there.
- What can we do next?

150
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,435
Brilliant.

151
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:56,915
Nigel.