1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,833 Come on, I've got to get her something. 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,672 - What'll I get her? - Get her a giant dildo. 3 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,320 I think she's probably got one. Look at that. 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,631 Don't give Gordon Ramsay any more money. He gets enough money from being a cook. 5 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,154 He's more than just a cook, though. 6 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,437 Why? He's a cook. He cooks stuff. My mum used to cook stuff everyday. 7 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:21,229 I ate it, I didn't die. If it was a bit bland, I put some salt on it. Easy. 8 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,470 No, but it's more than that. I mean, look at him. 9 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,951 He's got a sort of something about him, doesn't he? He's a kind of a hard man. 10 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,032 Why is he hard? Because he shouts at people who work in kitchens. 11 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,829 Who works in kitchens? The French, women and gays. Oh, he's hard. 12 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,197 And why does he shout at them? Is it a matter of life and death? No. 13 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,920 Have they failed to advance on an enemy bunker? No. 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,435 Their soufflé turned out slightly disappointing. 15 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,079 - Get a life! - Look at you. 16 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,674 What is... Oh, God. What is that? 17 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,756 What is that? He's tied up in pasta. "I've suffered for my tagliatelli." 18 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,956 Looks like an Amnesty International poster. 19 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,519 What? Who is this aimed at? 20 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,352 Menopausal women who want to get a glimpse of him 21 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,397 with his shirt off cooking pork chops. 22 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:03,031 Put it down if it's making you angry. Come on, put it away. Don't look. 23 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,111 - Look at his face. - Great. Help me. 24 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,435 Look at these. Is that a wee bit much? 25 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,833 - Just get her that. - No. 26 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,390 I want to get something that she'll really like. I just can't get any old rubbish. 27 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,154 Why? You don't even know her. You're gonna spend ages here. 28 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,117 20 quid in a gift. 15 quid in a cab. 29 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,589 What reaction do you expect? And you're not gonna get it. 30 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,320 You're gonna give it to her, she's gonna go, "Thanks," and put it down. 31 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,993 She's pissed up. She's with her mates. 32 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,879 The reaction per pound spent is not going to be good enough. 33 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,157 What, so, by that logic, you don't ever buy a present for anyone ever? 34 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,835 No. People who appreciate it. Orphans, widowers, people with nothing. 35 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,514 They're just happy to have something to unwrap. But not her. 36 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,559 Like Goran, that foreign fellow off the film. 37 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,076 Yeah. Wife's been murdered. 38 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,959 Get him 10 quid's worth of tat, and he's gonna be going, 39 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,316 "This is best gift I ever had." 40 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,040 That's what you should do. You should get him a present. 41 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,599 Thank him for getting you the line. 42 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,399 If he's forgotten about the line, he'll be looking at you and going, 43 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,314 "Oh, I must remember to get some line for the kind man." 44 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,471 Now you're doing something to help me. 45 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,235 It's difficult, innit, with him? What do you get him? 46 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,836 I know. Something light-hearted, cheer him up a bit. 47 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,831 Yeah. Something light-hearted. 48 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,470 It's just that I've never bought something light-hearted 49 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,234 to cheer up a man who's wife's been brutally slaughtered. 50 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,357 - What do you suggest? - I don't know. 51 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,673 How about Flubber? 52 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,075 Brilliant.