1 00:00:01,777 --> 00:00:03,415 (man) And action. 2 00:00:05,457 --> 00:00:09,132 - Sorry. I've got tomato all over my chin. - (laughter) 3 00:00:10,017 --> 00:00:12,531 I only wanted a corner of it. It all came out. 4 00:00:12,617 --> 00:00:14,733 - (Ricky) Can we have a napkin? - Makeup! 5 00:00:14,817 --> 00:00:19,493 You know, the energy and the... and the wisdom. 6 00:00:19,577 --> 00:00:21,773 - Not saying you're old. - (interference) 7 00:00:21,857 --> 00:00:26,010 (man) Sorry, guys. We've got to cut. Someone's got a phone on. 8 00:00:26,097 --> 00:00:28,168 Oh, shit. It's me. 9 00:00:30,257 --> 00:00:32,373 Sorry, guys. That was pathetic. 10 00:00:32,457 --> 00:00:35,051 (Ricky) It's like the FBI out there. 11 00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:37,174 We didn't know! 12 00:00:37,257 --> 00:00:41,296 Oh! It's Christmas! You're treating me like a cunt. 13 00:00:41,377 --> 00:00:43,732 (laughter) 14 00:00:45,977 --> 00:00:48,446 (shrieks with laughter) 15 00:00:50,057 --> 00:00:51,331 Shh! 16 00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:55,490 - Is it meant to sting? - (woman) It's for sensitive skin. 17 00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:59,332 It's really stinging. Am I gonna have a fucking rash tomorrow? 18 00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:02,614 - I think I'd better wipe it off. - (laughter) 19 00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:05,576 - (man) ls your pulse up? - Well, no, it's hurting. 20 00:01:05,657 --> 00:01:07,728 (man #2) Amber, did you hit something? 21 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:11,048 - There should be a bit of pain. - It's like fucking pepper spray. 22 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,286 (man) Cut there. 23 00:01:12,377 --> 00:01:15,130 (tap dances) 24 00:01:17,697 --> 00:01:19,813 She live in London? 25 00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:22,332 Really? 26 00:01:25,777 --> 00:01:27,370 (laughter) 27 00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:32,847 (laughter continues) 28 00:01:32,937 --> 00:01:36,692 Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Andy Millman. 29 00:01:38,337 --> 00:01:41,375 Oh, he's a deaf bugger. Andy Millman! 30 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,133 (clears throat) Excuse me. 31 00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:49,249 - Hi! - Oh, you... 32 00:01:49,337 --> 00:01:50,213 (laughter) 33 00:01:50,297 --> 00:01:52,288 You... 34 00:01:53,817 --> 00:01:57,333 (Brains) Just take it in your hand and grip it lightly. 35 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:58,771 (excited grunt) 36 00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:01,690 - (Rita) Like that? - Oh, that's good. 37 00:02:01,777 --> 00:02:05,930 Now, first take a deep breath and blow. 38 00:02:06,017 --> 00:02:07,815 - Don't suck. - (quizzical grunt) 39 00:02:07,897 --> 00:02:11,128 - And then put your fingers... - (laughs) 40 00:02:12,897 --> 00:02:14,046 Oh, God! 41 00:02:14,137 --> 00:02:18,210 Just take it in your hand and grip it lightly. 42 00:02:18,297 --> 00:02:20,095 - (Rita) Like that? - That's good. 43 00:02:20,177 --> 00:02:21,133 (excited grunt) 44 00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:26,496 Now, first, take a deep breath and blow. 45 00:02:26,577 --> 00:02:29,933 - Don't suck. - (excited grunt) 46 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:33,373 And put your finger over the hole. 47 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,210 Take a deep breath and blow. 48 00:02:36,297 --> 00:02:38,095 (quizzical grunt) 49 00:02:38,177 --> 00:02:40,054 - Don't suck. - (grunts) 50 00:02:40,137 --> 00:02:42,174 And put your finger over the... 51 00:02:42,257 --> 00:02:45,568 Fuck me! I'm so sorry. OK, same place. 52 00:02:45,657 --> 00:02:48,490 Take a deep breath and blow. 53 00:02:48,577 --> 00:02:49,976 What the...? 54 00:02:50,057 --> 00:02:51,650 (Brains) Don't suck. 55 00:02:51,737 --> 00:02:55,048 And then put your finger over the hole. 56 00:02:56,017 --> 00:02:59,373 Andy, no one's gonna help your career but you. 57 00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:05,297 Ooh! 58 00:03:05,377 --> 00:03:07,288 - OK. - Sorry. 59 00:03:08,457 --> 00:03:12,451 (♪ "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by the Smiths) 60 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:21,606 - Pull back or I can't help you. - What about my head? 61 00:03:21,697 --> 00:03:23,688 Brainiac? What about my head? 62 00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:25,768 I'm sorry! 63 00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:29,607 - Pull back. - I am, I am. Go. 64 00:03:32,937 --> 00:03:36,214 It's all right. We're all right. Well done, mate. 65 00:03:36,297 --> 00:03:39,210 Might just need to tidy that up, though. 66 00:03:39,297 --> 00:03:41,811 Let's get back to business. Hang it up there. 67 00:03:41,897 --> 00:03:44,411 I can't help unless you pull! 68 00:03:46,217 --> 00:03:48,606 It's fine. It was just a bit... 69 00:03:48,697 --> 00:03:51,337 That was... We're all right, though. We're OK. 70 00:03:51,417 --> 00:03:53,408 - Well done, mate. - You all right? 71 00:03:53,497 --> 00:03:57,172 I'm fine, mate. It's a bit of a mess, so you might need to sort that out. 72 00:03:57,257 --> 00:04:02,047 But good work. Good work. Just pop that up there. 73 00:04:02,137 --> 00:04:06,370 - Want to get a start on that tidying? - Still, the coat's not broken. 74 00:04:06,457 --> 00:04:11,054 - It's a nice coat, actually. - Think the phone might be gone, though. 75 00:04:12,097 --> 00:04:16,409 - Don't mention it to anyone. - (laughter) 76 00:04:16,497 --> 00:04:18,886 To me, having Britain's number-one catchphrase 77 00:04:18,977 --> 00:04:22,288 is the same as having Britain's number-one wasting disease. 78 00:04:22,377 --> 00:04:24,493 Well, you're not number one any more. 79 00:04:24,577 --> 00:04:27,774 - I'm not...? - You're not number one any more. 80 00:04:27,857 --> 00:04:29,848 At last, as far as I'm... 81 00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:36,175 You're not number one any more. 82 00:04:36,257 --> 00:04:39,887 Good, to be totally... Who's number one now? 83 00:04:39,977 --> 00:04:41,490 Oh, er... 84 00:04:41,577 --> 00:04:44,046 Oh, come on! 85 00:04:44,137 --> 00:04:46,731 - You're not number one any more. - I'm not...? 86 00:04:46,817 --> 00:04:48,967 You're not number one any more. 87 00:04:49,057 --> 00:04:51,333 G... (stammers) 88 00:04:53,177 --> 00:04:55,373 Sorry. Sorry. 89 00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:57,448 (all laugh wildly) 90 00:05:02,257 --> 00:05:04,931 Merry Christmas, everyone! 91 00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:14,172 I didn't realise I wanted to be famous. I thought I wanted something else. 92 00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:16,134 But obviously I do. 93 00:05:16,217 --> 00:05:20,734 Why else would I be in a house full of over-the-desperate... (garbles words) 94 00:05:20,817 --> 00:05:25,448 I'm doing this in Polish, then I'll do it in English later. 95 00:05:25,537 --> 00:05:27,972 - Cheers. - Jonathan Ross is coming along... 96 00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:32,016 - Want me to sign that? - No, you're all right, mate. Cheers. 97 00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:34,930 - There's no one else in there. - No, I'll leave it. 98 00:05:35,017 --> 00:05:37,372 - You'll never get it filled... - I'll leave it. 99 00:05:37,457 --> 00:05:39,573 Oh, for f... 100 00:05:39,657 --> 00:05:42,297 Round-headed little twat. 101 00:05:42,377 --> 00:05:46,291 - There's no one else in there. - I'll leave it. It's all right, cheers. 102 00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:48,448 Is that man a pinhead? 103 00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:52,496 - Who's that guy? - I don't know. 104 00:05:52,577 --> 00:05:57,287 - There's no one else in there. - I'll leave it, mate, yeah? 105 00:05:57,377 --> 00:06:01,007 Is that the Mitchell brothers? 106 00:06:01,097 --> 00:06:03,486 - There's no one else in there. - It's all right. 107 00:06:03,577 --> 00:06:05,853 You'll never get it filled if you... 108 00:06:05,937 --> 00:06:09,407 - Look at his round head. - Who's that? 109 00:06:14,017 --> 00:06:17,214 Hey, did you hear about the gay midget? 110 00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:20,176 Came out the cupboard. 111 00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,007 Cut!