1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:07,440
Oh! Suits you, sir! Suits you, sir!
Were you out with a lady, sir?

2
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,840
Oh! Did she want it, sir? Did she?
Suits you, sir. Suits you.

3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,240
This programme contains some strong
language.

4
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,280
They often say, "Suit you, sir."

5
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,400
I'm like, "It's nothing to do with
me!"

6
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,840
That phrase "suits you, sir"
is in the lexicon of the language.

7
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,160
I like the two guys in the shop.

8
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,000
There's a shop called Suits You.

9
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,160
Oh! Ooh! Oh, sir!

10
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,920
"Oh!" What's funny about that?

11
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,760
There was a bloke who worked at
Hackney Council who was like that.

12
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,680
He did used to go, "Hello, sir. How
are you?" "All right. How are you?"

13
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,720
"Radiant. Were you out with a lady?

14
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:01,000
"Did she want it? Oh! Suits you!"
So, we...

15
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,720
Just stolen.. ..stole it and made him
a tailor and put Mark Williams in.

16
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:10,960
It's normally me and Paul talking
filth to anybody who'll have it.

17
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,800
It's a licence to be disgusting.

18
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,320
Oh! Picture you now, sir, strolling
through the park,

19
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:21,720
your cream suit
fresh, crisp, flowing beautifully

20
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,560
as you push your lady wife
against a tree

21
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,960
and give her a jolly good
seeing-to. What did you say there?

22
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,200
Give her a jolly good seeing-to.
Is there a problem?

23
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,680
Yeah, there is a problem!

24
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:40,800
Why? Doesn't the lady want it, sir?
Have you tried tying her up, sir?

25
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,040
Oh! Suits you!

26
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:48,120
Paul first come up with
the Suit You characters for Harry.

27
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:52,360
I don't know why, but I don't think
Harry got it or liked it.

28
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:57,040
Bloody "suits you, sir" all the time!

29
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,280
Paul is relentless
about these things.

30
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:05,080
"Suits you, sir," all the bloody
time, and I never found it funny.

31
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:10,240
When I first read that, I went,
"This is just Monty Python.

32
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,520
"Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
Croydon."

33
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,520
And it became
the most successful character

34
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,160
in the series so it shows how much
I know.

35
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:23,200
People ask me what I do and I say,
"I'm a tailor in Savile Row."

36
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:28,800
And they say, "Oh! Suits you, sir!"

37
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,160
And, after a while, it can,

38
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,000
you know, get on your nerves
a little bit.

39
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,480
He's probably being quite sneaky,
Paul, creating all these characters.

40
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,520
If Harry didn't like them, he'd put
it on the back burner, use it later.

41
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,640
I'll make a few thousand pound out
of that one meself.

42
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:48,640
Most of my friends think
that I float around going, "Oh, sir!

43
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,360
"Suits you. That's fantastic, sir!"

44
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,080
How many times have you said,
"Oh!" on camera?

45
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,360
Well, this is my big opportunity!

46
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,320
Ever been to a cockfight, sir? Hm?

47
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,280
Two proud cocks, in peak condition,
advancing menacingly,

48
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,880
erect, ready to do battle.

49
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,800
Brutal, sir.
Brutal, but strangely compelling.

50
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,840
They never give up, sir.
Suits you, sir. Suits you.

51
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,680
There were lots of characters
like that, they'd come up with.

52
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,760
I'd go, "No, no," cos
I was the boss.

53
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,160
"No, Paul. No." "No, Charlie. No."

54
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,560
Charlie, could you do
your standard answer

55
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,720
about how
we engendered The Fast Show?

56
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,200
We never intended to be Harry
Enfield's writers full-time.

57
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,200
It was just a job we were doing
at the time.

58
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,680
While we were working on Harry
Enfield's Television Programme,

59
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,320
we came up with some characters who,

60
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:47,360
for one reason or another, were not
suitable for the show.

61
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,720
Either they didn't feature Harry...
Or weren't funny.

62
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,000
Or he didn't find
them funny. Or they weren't funny.

63
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,920
We had a press preview
for my second series,

64
00:03:55,920 --> 00:04:00,360
and...Geoff Posner, who directed it,

65
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:05,600
had cut together a five-minute
version of the first half-hour show.

66
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,480
And we enjoyed it, didn't we?

67
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,760
We thought it was funnier than the
show. On...catchphrase...off.

68
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,640
We were surprised at how well the
characters worked.

69
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,400
We were
on...catchphrase...joke...off.

70
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:24,320
Brillia-a-a-a-a-ant!

71
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,160
Thus was born The Fast Show.
The great...

72
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,240
..fucking Fast Show!

73
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,360
I thought, "They can go and spread
their wings.

74
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,880
"All right, they're
little upstarts. I invented them.

75
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,400
"I found you on a skip in Hackney.

76
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,840
"Do your show. No-one will notice
it and you'll come grovelling back."

77
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,560
Cap in hand. Bent over like this.

78
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,200
"We must learn from you, Harry."
I thought!

79
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,720
But then they hitched up
with some talented people.

80
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,080
And look what happened.

81
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:07,000
Paul would come and see me perform
at various stand-up places and say,

82
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,720
"We'll do a show one day. Loads
of little sketches. Very quick."

83
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:16,720
Then he came back three years later,
and the rest is history.

84
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,360
I think, I HOPE, Paul and Charlie
thought I was funny,

85
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,000
so they asked me to write some
stuff,

86
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,240
and I did and it grew from
there.

87
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:30,120
I like the idea of using how much
more visually literate people were -

88
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:34,920
the whole idea of it being fast and
just using the important parts

89
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,960
of sketches rather than great
preambles.

90
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,520
I knew when I read it that
it was just quality.

91
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:45,800
Caroline had worked
with John and Simon a lot.

92
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:50,840
And someone who I'd seen
on the circuit who was brilliant.

93
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:54,920
I'm Sister Mary Immaculate.
A lot of people ask me,

94
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,840
"What is heaven?" I say,

95
00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:01,600
"If, on Earth, you only have one
leg, in heaven, you'll have two.

96
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,920
"If, on Earth, you're ugly,
in heaven, you'll be beautiful."

97
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,640
So it's great news for that girl
there.

98
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,040
When we were writing
the first series,

99
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,640
we were less sure
of who was going to do what.

100
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,720
We knew Paul's characters,
but others we didn't know.

101
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,560
Andy the Affair Man
was Paul and Charlie's character,

102
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:29,480
and it was the first bit of filming
I did for The Fast Show ever.

103
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:35,200
Andy, Christine is joining us in
Accounts. It's her first day. Hello.

104
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,360
Look, Christine, forget it.
It's over.

105
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,920
People said it came out well
because I was so nervous.

106
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,360
Ted, I don't really know how to say
this without hurting you.

107
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,800
I'm very flattered, but I'm
just not gay.

108
00:06:56,640 --> 00:07:02,480
If you look at me on film, you'll
see the young boy with cheekbones,

109
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,200
huge head of hair,
twinkle in his eye.

110
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:10,040
And this jaded, old fool you
see now, three series down the line.

111
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,840
Paul and Charlie said,

112
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:16,040
"Do someone who's like you.
Insecure and neurotic."

113
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,680
Does my bum look big in this?

114
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,360
She was on a ledge with someone
who was trying to commit suicide.

115
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:39,160
And she was going, "Everyone
down there is thinking, 'Does
she look FAT in those shoes!'"

116
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,360
And the guy jumps
to get away from her.

117
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:47,120
Everybody's characters work because
they've got to have another twist.

118
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:52,120
It's funny man with very strange
preoccupation in weird set-up.

119
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,960
..Which was nice.

120
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:59,360
Actually, Nice was Nick Coleman
who was...

121
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,760
..talking to me about middle-aged
actors who say,

122
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,800
"Then I did a telly,
which was nice."

123
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:12,440
And I said, "I'm nicking that.
I'm having that catchphrase."

124
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:17,920
But then he turned into an Eldridge
Prior. He just lied. Or did he?

125
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,560
I was rummaging around in the attic

126
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,760
and I found the original copy
of the Bible...which was nice.

127
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,200
There's bound to be something you'll
like in it.

128
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,200
All the characters are based on
people you can see anywhere.

129
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,840
Ron Manager, they'll be debating
that one in Luton for some time.

130
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:44,680
Good first half, wasn't it? A lot
of intelligent running for the ball,

131
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,240
marred only by crowd disturbances.

132
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,720
Does alcohol have a part to play?

133
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,680
It certainly does in my life,
especially at Christmas.

134
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:57,920
Ron Manager is based
on a bloke called Alex Stock,

135
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,920
who's an old manager.

136
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,040
He managed Luton, Fulham...

137
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,800
I was talking to someone yesterday,
and he's now at Yeovil Town.

138
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:10,560
Well, it's like VE Day, isn't it?

139
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,600
They've got the streets decorated.

140
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,240
The kids are coming for the jellies
and blancmanges.

141
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,880
They're getting the joanna and the
beer out later on.

142
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:25,320
In his heyday, he would always
answer a question with a question.

143
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,360
"So what do you think of the first
half, Alex?" "First half, isn't it?

144
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,040
"Ball knocked about, wasn't it?"

145
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,560
Far cry from small boys in the park,

146
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:40,560
jumpers for goalposts, mortal fear
of parkie. Who can blame them? Mm?

147
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,800
Because it's what I used to do -

148
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,040
play football in the park as a boy,
with jumpers for goalposts.

149
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,720
Anyway, we made him mad.

150
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:52,240
Like most of them. They can
go off into flights of fancy.

151
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,240
"Wasps are frightening - especially
in the car. My wife's left me."

152
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:03,720
Paul's the one who's effusive
and lots of ideas and lots of lines.

153
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,160
Charlie's the disciplined one.

154
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,640
He goes, "Yeah. No. Structurally,
that will work with that."

155
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,720
Just sits there, doesn't laugh.
"Yeah, that's funny."

156
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:19,280
Paul and Charlie are like
the perfect boss split in two.

157
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:24,240
Paul's everyone's mate and Charlie's
just a grumpy old so-and-so.

158
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,680
Good cop, bad cop.

159
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,320
You've always got to be careful
of the nice one. Know what I mean?

160
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:37,480
We met in 1977 in Norwich
at the University of East Anglia.

161
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,480
1977!
Yes, we were both punk rockers.

162
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,200
Student punks! And we've kept
this far apart ever since.

163
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:51,600
When did we first meet Paul and
Charlie? You met Charlie years ago.

164
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:56,560
I met him 20 years ago in Norwich,
and he used to flounce about in...

165
00:10:56,560 --> 00:11:01,440
This is what Charlie USED to wear
and what I've modelled myself on.

166
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,480
He used to flounce about Norwich
in clothes like this.

167
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,920
He was gorgeous then.
The hunk of Norwich.

168
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,600
He was called Switch Higson.
Bless him.

169
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,600
What did you call yourself?
I called myself Switch.

170
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:19,320
I was young! Hey!
I had bleached hair.

171
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:23,160
I was frightened of him. You know,
I was sort of 16.

172
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,000
Charlie was 19
and lived with a girl!

173
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,760
I don't remember him!

174
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:32,920
Just some little squit sleeping
on someone's floor! He's bald now.

175
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,760
He was in his own group
called the Higsons.

176
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:41,200
# ..Hold me back. Gangway

177
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,880
# Get out of my way

178
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,320
# Journalists and moralists
and businessmen

179
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,800
# Us poor devils in the zoo... #

180
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,840
We had three albums and a number of
singles.

181
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:58,400
Hardly a "frustrated" pop star...so
much as a pop star! Well...

182
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:03,160
Remove star. Remove star.
A pop, really! A pop performer.

183
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,840
No, but it's a young person's thing.

184
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:10,920
Comedy's an old, middle-aged man's
game? I think it is, actually!

185
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,960
I started writing
with Paul and Charlie in '87.

186
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,040
Um, I invented them because they...
Charlie had...

187
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:23,520
The Higsons had stopped, I think,
by then and Paul...

188
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,640
I really wanted to write with Paul.

189
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:31,680
Harry got me to write with him, and
I employed Charlie as my armed wing

190
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,040
so that I could pretend to be nice.

191
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,520
I said, "Will you write?" Paul said,

192
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,000
"Only if Charlie does it, otherwise
I won't get up in the morning."

193
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:46,080
Welc, every chappies!

194
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,920
I'm a-feeling really frustrated this
week. Really, really frustrated!

195
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:56,400
Can you guess why? That's right.
I really want to give myself one.

196
00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:01,280
Oh, no! Stop the mess about!
I mean a fag!

197
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,200
If I'd known that they'd get uppity,

198
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,560
when I first hired them for me
for nothing,

199
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:13,040
that they would get so big for their
boots and start demanding money

200
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:19,320
and then go on to be...
these rather ludicrous cult figures,

201
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,920
I never, never
would have let it happen!

202
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:30,240
I think The Fast Show is complete
and utter bollocks! I like it a lot.

203
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:35,320
It's one of those reviews I wake up
in the night sweating about.

204
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:39,880
When I first saw The Fast Show,
I thought it was atrocious -

205
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:44,320
ill-conceived, badly performed,
badly scripted. Gibberish.

206
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:49,640
It's the context that's important.

207
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,080
And the idea I didn't get about
The Fast Show

208
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,920
was the cutting out of the
context.

209
00:13:55,920 --> 00:14:00,200
So you're just left with someone
saying, "Suits you, sir."

210
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:05,640
Just before it went out, I did a
couple of interviews with Time Out.

211
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,120
I remember thinking, "Oh, my God!"

212
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:12,760
I was recalling what sketches were
in the first episode and thinking,

213
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,200
"Was it too laddish?" I had a few
moments thinking,

214
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,520
"Whitehouse fails
to excel in weak sketch show."

215
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:27,400
"We find the defendant guilty of
co-writing and starring in the most
dazzlingly awful comic sketch show.

216
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:32,880
"You have to go to Russ Abbot's
show for anything comparable."

217
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,760
So there it is. You can't argue with
that.

218
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,200
There it is in black and white.

219
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:46,080
It's not something that gives me
any tremendous professional pride.

220
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:50,200
What am I meant to say?
What are you asking me to say?!

221
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,640
I said The Fast Show was like a
fart.

222
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,120
It makes you laugh,
but isn't intrinsically funny.

223
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:57,880
It did what we wanted,

224
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:02,560
which was build up a big swell
of underground support. Did it?

225
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,800
People started saying, "Oh, you must
watch this."

226
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,560
"But the first one was
rubbish!" "You have to watch more."

227
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:14,440
And then it's rewarding? You are
rewarded with toffees and nuts.

228
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,480
A fast show with lots of sketches is
a good idea.

229
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,640
And when they do have a remarkably
high quality throughout...

230
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:26,480
There have been quite a few shows
since, what they call broken comedy,

231
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,160
little sketch shows,

232
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:32,640
which, I don't think,
have achieved the same success rate.

233
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:37,080
I think one of the reasons
the show worked was that,

234
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:41,280
because there was a large group
of people involved in it

235
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,760
on a writing/performing level,

236
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,040
the self-editing process
was very strict.

237
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,480
Mark Williams makes up a lot
of his own characters.

238
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,320
Usually
from talking to small children.

239
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,600
He DOES talk to too many
small children.

240
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,240
If it didn't make us laugh,
then it wasn't working.

241
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,160
Everybody accepted that very
quickly.

242
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,520
This week, I have been mostly eating
bourbon biscuits.

243
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:24,200
I'd been to New York and I came back
and I'd got a really nasty bug.

244
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,920
I was in the flat and all I could do
was drag myself out

245
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,200
every now
and again to get something to eat.

246
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,040
I was just buying pre-cooked
chicken.

247
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:38,760
I was thinking, "This week,
I have been mostly eating chicken."

248
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:43,720
Mark hadn't written comedy, so he
was nervous. He got a lot of stick.

249
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:48,160
Paul would be, "Actor? I'm a
comedian. I do acting AND comedy."

250
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:52,880
When I show Paul and Charlie my
material, they don't take prisoners.

251
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:58,120
They just go, "No. No. Why do you
think this is funny? That's good."

252
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,760
But that's my relationship with
them.

253
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,800
Someone would have written
a character and start doing it.

254
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:09,720
It was tough. You had to be funny.
Paul would go, "What's the joke?"

255
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,720
Charlie's hard as nails.

256
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:16,600
He'd go, "Yes. Well, it's a copy
of so-and-so," and just deflate you.

257
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,880
You had to get it past the panel,
which was all the others.

258
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,920
I mainly came up with Girl Who Boys
Can't Hear

259
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,880
from Fast Show rehearsals.

260
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,360
I just sit there
and everybody ignores me.

261
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,240
You a member of the AA?

262
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,840
No. I know what to do.

263
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,320
Get a tennis ball, cut it in half,

264
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:42,600
put it over the lock, hit it and
the air pressure forces the lock up.

265
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,000
There's a sports shop
round the corner.

266
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,600
I got it! I know!

267
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,320
You want to get a tennis ball,
cut it in half,

268
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,840
put it over the lock, tap it

269
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:02,520
and the air pressure pops the lock
up. There's a sports shop there.

270
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,120
Problem solved.
I tell you what, though...

271
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,800
Can any of you actually hear me?

272
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:13,400
Simon admitted it, "It's a good
character. It's us lot, isn't it?"

273
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,320
I did a Billy Bleach sketch
about golf.

274
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:20,320
I wanted to make
a comment about racism in America.

275
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:24,640
At the end... Before I went on,
Paul came and..."Say this."

276
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,960
It was about Tiger Woods. He's
mixed race - part Vietnamese,

277
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,800
part Dutch, part American,
part white.

278
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:36,640
Afro-American, that's his natural
grace for his driving, right?

279
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:42,120
The Vietnamese for when he's in the
rough. You got me? All the jungles.

280
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,960
The Dutch makes him laid-back
for temperament.

281
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:50,960
The white man in him means he can
get on the course in the first
place.

282
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,920
And he came up with that.

283
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:57,320
One shouldn't underestimate
the contribution of Simon Day,

284
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,400
John Thomson and Arabella.

285
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,600
Somehow,
their characters leaven it out.

286
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,680
I love Competitive Dad.

287
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:09,200
I don't do very much in that
except for go, "What a twat!"

288
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,800
Come on, boys,
pick a bat...stumps...

289
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:17,480
..balls and score pad and pen.
You can get that.

290
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,080
Right, come on. Chop, chop!

291
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,000
I noticed dads with their kids.

292
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:28,600
I was in a swimming pool once and a
dad was there with two small kids -

293
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,040
one was a baby, one was very young.

294
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,960
And he was saying, "Would you like
a race?" And they said,

295
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,840
"Yeah, Dad!" I assumed he'd
let them win.

296
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:43,440
He took off and hammered across
the pool and then waited, going...

297
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,000
And the kids... One of the kids

298
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,400
was drowning, swallowing water and
coming up again.

299
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,640
And the older kid beat the kid with
water wings

300
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,400
and that was a triumph
for him. He took the dad's lead.

301
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,720
The dad was...
He was genuinely pleased.

302
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:08,440
Toby, over here! Your mother will
adjudicate. ..Right, then...

303
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,880
No, no! Underarm. Easier for you.

304
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:17,240
Just get my sights. Thank you.
Away we go.

305
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,520
Three...four...five...

306
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,800
..24...25...26.

307
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,160
26 of the Queen's runs.

308
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:45,680
Loads of dads have come up and said,
"You've done me up!"

309
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:50,520
38...39... 1,040!

310
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,560
Was it on telly?
Yeah.

311
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:57,800
I first met Paul and Charlie
when they worked for Harry.

312
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,880
I was starting a project called
One Hour With Jonathan Ross.

313
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:06,360
Myself, Paul and Charlie, and
Vic and Bob were part of a game show

314
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:10,960
called Knockdown Ginger,
which was quite crap, really.

315
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,280
People from the audience would go

316
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:18,120
and knock on doors and various funny
characters... Humorous characters.

317
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,400
..would open the door and ask them
a question.

318
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,480
Half-arsed bollocks.
But great fun to do.

319
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,880
It was very basic, but effective.

320
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,720
It's funny and you're laughing,
but you don't know why.

321
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:35,200
Charlie was very quiet. Couldn't
work him out at all, really.

322
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,400
He kept himself to himself.

323
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:43,080
But Paul I liked immediately. I did
like Charlie, but he was just quiet.

324
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,720
But Paul was very funny.

325
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,440
OK, another door. Five. Number five.

326
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,040
It's Mike Smash, the DJ!

327
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:57,120
Hi, kids! Mike Smash. Radio Fab's
most flip-flap, flobadobadopolus DJ.

328
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,560
AUDIENCE CHEER

329
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,680
I did Mike Smash, Britain's most
poptastic DJ, for the first time

330
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,320
on that programme. History was made.

331
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,360
What did Bob Mortimer say?

332
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:15,400
"Paul, that Mike fuckin' Smash
is fuckin' terrible!"

333
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,240
They wanted to do their own sketch.

334
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:23,720
Paul was doing stuff with Harry,
and Charlie had done a lot with us.

335
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:29,320
Swiss Toni was created by Vic and
Bob - Smell of Reeves and Mortimer.

336
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,760
My favourite character's Swiss Toni.

337
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,320
When you're selling a car to a man,

338
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,160
it all comes down
to who's got the biggest todger.

339
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,520
You have to make him think that
his is bigger,

340
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,080
but you have to KNOW
that yours is the biggest.

341
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:51,800
You have to tell yourself, "I've got
the biggest todger in the world!"

342
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:57,040
I've got the biggest todger in
the world. It's not as big as mine.

343
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:02,680
The voice was based on my feeble
attempt to do Sean Connery.

344
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:07,600
Swiss Toni is everywhere. You
think he's an overdrawn stereotype,

345
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,240
but I know a thousand Swiss Tonis.

346
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,520
Do I find you reading a book, Paul?

347
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:21,040
Sorry, Swiss, there were
no customers. I'm going camping.

348
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:26,480
Putting up a tent is very much like
making love to a beautiful woman.

349
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:32,000
Unzip the door, put up your pole
and slip into the old bag.

350
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,080
My favourite character to play -
Jazz Man.

351
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:42,160
I had no idea how popular
he'd be. It's just a joy to do.

352
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,360
Hello and welcome back to Jazz Club.

353
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:49,680
Nice. Tonight, dinner jazz.

354
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:56,720
He's a cross between Whispering
Bob Harris and Roger Moore.

355
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,200
Hello. Welcome to Whistle Test.

356
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,480
Mm. Mellow.

357
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,680
We're very pleased to have on
the show the most popular exponent

358
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,160
of dinner jazz working in America -

359
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,680
Stepney Green
with the New Headhunters.

360
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,040
Great.

361
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:18,480
It's not the original Headhunters
line-up, of course.

362
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:23,800
How could anyone replace the late,
legendary Charlie "The Bulb" Robson?

363
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:28,920
The new drummer - Mint Green - under
the tuition of his brother Soilant

364
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,320
is...really quite good.

365
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,120
I remember getting on a train...

366
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,120
..going to the butty wagon part
of the train,

367
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,240
walking through the thing,

368
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,080
and kids went,
"It's him. Jazz Man."

369
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:49,400
I got me sandwiches,
came back and they went,

370
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:54,440
"Mm. Nice." And I went, "Great."
And they went, "Wa-hey!"

371
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,480
And I made their day! It was great!

372
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,960
Really great!

373
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,920
I think that's slightly ironic,
actually.

374
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,000
People are coming up to HIM to say
to him

375
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:13,400
things that I used to say as
an aside. There's an irony in that.

376
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,960
Lovely. Great. Amazing.
Really nice.

377
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,880
People see me and go... And there's
no catchphrase they can think of.

378
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,720
They now say, "There's someone
sitting there,"

379
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,360
cos I managed
to come up with one catchphrase.

380
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,040
Someone sitting there, mate.

381
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,480
You ain't seen me. Right?

382
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,840
I was standing on Clapham Junction
and this train pulled in.

383
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:50,440
I was stood where the driver was
and he just went... And drove off.

384
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,960
Characters that The Fast Show
would take the piss out of

385
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:59,760
do characters from The Fast Show.
People can't recognise themselves.

386
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,520
I'm a alien! I'm a alien!

387
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,320
Are you really, Colin?
I'm a alien.

388
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:12,960
Did you watch it last night?
Watch what? I'm A Alien.

389
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,680
On BBC Two. No, I don't watch it.

390
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,560
It's the best sketch show for years!

391
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:23,440
I think there's a lot of Colin Hunts
in offices enacting The Fast Show,

392
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,200
so we did that sketch where he tries
to enact his favourite sketch.

393
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,960
Bonjour, Monsieur!

394
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:35,560
Like I say, I watched the other
side, a programme about beetles.

395
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,080
It's really good.

396
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,960
They've got these massive antlers
and they fight each other...

397
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,960
Is that...? Piss off, Colin!

398
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:50,440
I liked the foreign television bit
where they all spoke nonsense,

399
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:55,840
which was, um, actually, the bit
that was closest to being satire.

400
00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:00,280
"Chanel 9, that is just shit.
That's just kids mucking about."

401
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,400
Now it really makes me laugh.

402
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,880
At the time I thought,
"What's funny?"

403
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:11,160
Republika presente doctor
a mia cas desela Chanel 9!

404
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,840
Bono estente. Bono estente.

405
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,440
Lacrimos esputa e fallio ming!

406
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:25,160
Deputo poco rich a wich.
Catandra millio Patagonia.

407
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,880
Chanel 9 was supposed to be
every foreign country.

408
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:33,520
Welsh. Swedish, German.
Greek, cos I did Greek at school.

409
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,520
Aknopo dopera fila Whiskas
fulla meaty goodness.

410
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,880
Charlie wanted breast nudity in
every Chanel 9 sketch. I argued...

411
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:49,240
How can you parody a programme, yet
not make it as extreme...? Rubbish!

412
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,440
# O TV gizmo! #

413
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,440
You weren't on some moral crusade!

414
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,080
You wanted to see some tits.

415
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,720
No. Yes. That was a small part
of it.

416
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,160
When we get the girls in
that are doing the odd sketch -

417
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,120
the bustier, prettier girls -

418
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:11,480
it's like being in a boys'
changing room. They're all...

419
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,800
Ribena.

420
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,560
Lantinato adios ton Wonderbra
favore.

421
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,080
El Presidente!

422
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,640
They're caught between, "I'm a
comedian. I should know better."

423
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,720
And, "Have you seen the tits on
that?!"

424
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,920
Chris Waddle. Skopolos
e mia cantathos enzyme scandabroad.

425
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,520
The guy I was rooming with went,
"Did you hear that?!"

426
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,920
And I went, "I did. Was it me?"
Then the photo came up.

427
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:51,360
Fallia hella, fallia hella, fallia
hellay, fallia hellay. Chris Waddle.

428
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,920
And it kept going on.

429
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:59,200
Psshit la grados Chris Waddle.
Week after week, it continued.

430
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:03,360
# Chris Waddle

431
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,920
# Chris Waddle... #

432
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:11,640
People were saying, "Why do The
Fast Show keep saying your name?"

433
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:16,440
We liked the idea on Chanel 9 that,
occasionally, English words pop out.

434
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,640
He was keen on the Welsh thing.

435
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:24,240
The Welsh language is ich ha deroch
chinty top of the wardrobe.

436
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,680
Ich harno dich clercha
remove the brickwork.

437
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,720
Begara ach tochi lech
Margaret Thatcher.

438
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:34,560
You think, "Let's think
of an English name to put in,"

439
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,200
and you come up with Chris Waddle.

440
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:41,240
Then you think, "Wouldn't
it be funny to keep repeating it?"

441
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,720
In the end, it may look like a joke.

442
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:48,360
# Chris Waddle

443
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,880
# Riva-a-ar bara me... #

444
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:58,320
I want to give you a word, let you
try it on for size. It's naturism.

445
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,600
Now, today, I'm wearing
a simple thong -

446
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,040
there might
be kids or old people watching.

447
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:09,320
Normally, at this time of day,
I'd be au naturel -

448
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,240
stark bollock naked. Now...

449
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,480
LAUGHTER

450
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:20,440
Who's worst fluffing their lines?
I would say me. Me and John. But me.

451
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:26,400
If you're interested in naturism,
write to Dave Angel... Oh, sorry!

452
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:33,280
John did a spectacular performance
on Denzil Dexter. He did.

453
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:38,240
It was John's character,
but didn't we write...? We wrote...

454
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:45,160
I've got a skull, I think, and I go,
'The mind is a powerful tool...'

455
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,600
And it's take...
'But we have not yet begun...'

456
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:56,400
..after take...
'But we have not yet begun to tap
into its awesome potential...'

457
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,920
..after take. 'Shit! Sorry.'

458
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:04,120
The human mind was not
an incredible thing that day,

459
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,520
and I was, quite frankly, rubbish.

460
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:12,000
I'll go back over here
and do it again cos I am a turkey.

461
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,280
The mind is a powerful tool.
We have not...

462
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,160
We have not yet begun to tep... Tep?

463
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,800
But we have not... Argh! What
do you think of the show so far?

464
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:27,880
I remember Charlie and Ian wrote
down the words on an idiot board

465
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,560
and they held it up like that.

466
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:35,400
And it said, "I am a c...!" Argh!

467
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,440
Rowley Birkin is my absolute
favourite. I'd like that...

468
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,720
I wish, you know, I wish I had that.

469
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,680
Cairo!!!
HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL

470
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:56,720
Brrrr! Hi pes deriadara,
rushing through the...

471
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:01,440
Almost everybody I remember
at school's father was like that!

472
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,880
I quite liked him,
but I liked him ONCE.

473
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:10,400
I first met Paul,
fishing in Iceland...

474
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,320
..um...'94/5.

475
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:18,920
Rowley's based on a guy you went
fishing with. Yeah, we were fishing.

476
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,160
Lovely river...hubbling and
bubbling.

477
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,800
The New Lodge looks both ways.

478
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,280
You can look up the river
or down the river.

479
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:32,520
AUDIENCE LAUGHS

480
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,600
Pere...a poisonous monkey.

481
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:42,680
They come zooming in on you to sting
you and they stop about an inch off,

482
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,920
fly away again
and we don't get stung.

483
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:50,560
Felt...and I...sudden...
"Snake! Snake!" Argh! Bewrwrww.

484
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:56,920
I-I-I had a dram or two, but I don't
think more than that.

485
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,120
I was never
conscious of anybody being drunk.

486
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:05,160
I freely admit that I was very...
very drunk.

487
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:13,360
My favourite characters in the whole
show would have to be Ted and Ralph.

488
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:18,600
Yeah, it would have to be Ted and
Ralph because it's just so sweet

489
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:23,760
and so mad and so weird
and so many different levels to it.

490
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:30,800
We used to get the scripts and we'd
read them, and you'd go through
them and say what you think.

491
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:37,920
Mark always went, "Can I do that?"
But when we saw Ralph and Ted,
me and John were, "Can we do this?"

492
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:42,520
We both did it.
And they went, "No, that's ours."

493
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,800
This odd relationship,
unrequited love -

494
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,720
at least I assume it's unrequited.

495
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:55,560
It's unrequited love, which will
not be bound by class or sexual
alignment, which has to break out.

496
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:59,440
It's almost reciprocated
in a touching sort of way.

497
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:03,080
They'll hate me for saying this,
but it's verging on the profound.

498
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,840
VOICE ECHOES: Ralph. Ralph.

499
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:16,280
Ralph!

500
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:23,400
Ralph!
Sorry, Clive, what were you saying?

501
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:30,520
Ted and Ralph were created by
Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews
who write Father Ted and Big Train.

502
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:36,040
Before they were famous and too busy
to work with us, they gave us ideas.

503
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:42,920
I thought I was putting on
a British accent, "Hello, there."

504
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,120
And Paul just heard, "Hello, dere!"

505
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:53,160
Which is why... Why he ended up...
Why I did him with an Irish accent!
"Oh, well, I'll do him Irish!"

506
00:34:53,160 --> 00:35:00,240
Get a move on, you silly little man.
I'm sorry, sir, the dog was slow.
Don't you blame my dog! Sorry, sir.

507
00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:05,160
I beg your pardon? Sorry, sir. Oh,
begorra! He's a bloody bog trotter!

508
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,040
A long way from home, aren't we,
Paddy?

509
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,520
HE MUMBLES

510
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,360
What did you say?
Nothing, sir.

511
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,960
HE MUMBLES
What?

512
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:19,400
Clive, look! They've startled some
birds. Ah, too... They've gone.

513
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:24,360
There was a good chance Ted and
Ralph would have been chucked out.

514
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:29,240
But they stuck with it. Even when
audiences were a tiny bit puzzled.

515
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,040
It was very brave of them.

516
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,120
Are you doing anything on Friday,
Ted?

517
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,760
Well, er, there's plenty to do
down in the lower field, sir.

518
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:43,480
No, you misunderstand me.
I did mean...in the evening.

519
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:49,720
It's just I have, er, a couple
of tickets for Tina...Turner.

520
00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:52,480
Oh, right, sir.

521
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:57,400
Do you like Tina Turner, Ted?
I wouldn't know about that, sir.

522
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,720
No, no.

523
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:06,000
I thought, "Charlie's a brilliant
actor!" It's the first time
I was aware of it.

524
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:12,720
I think he's fantastic
in Ted and Ralph. Paul is as well,
but Charlie is the revelation.

525
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:15,640
I'm very fond of Ted and Ralph,

526
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:22,600
mainly because
it was the first big character
I'd ever done on the telly and...

527
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,520
I did it very well!

528
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:32,360
I enjoyed doing it and I remember
looking at it, thinking, "It's
all right. Maybe I can do this."

529
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:36,680
He has been a popular character
and he's good fun to do.

530
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:41,560
But I like all of them. I like other
people's characters too. Do you? No.

531
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,800
Best sketch of the last ten years
is...

532
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:51,480
the Ted and Ralph...potato,
tomato... your wife...

533
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,960
"No, sir, play the game."

534
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:59,600
My favourite sketch is when he gets
involved in this drinking game.

535
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:03,080
Ted, really...

536
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:09,480
Tomato, here's, aubergine,
your, potato, drinks.
We've got a new nominee!

537
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:14,000
This is a private matter...
ALL: Gong!

538
00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:20,520
Er, tomato, it's, aubergine, a...

539
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,360
potato, private, turnip, matter.

540
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:28,720
You've got the hang of it now!
That's right. Go on, sir.

541
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,160
Tomato, Ted,

542
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,040
aubergine, your,

543
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:43,840
potato, wife's, turnip, dead.

544
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,960
Sorry. I mean...tomato, sorry.

545
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:57,320
It was a very dull process for me,
filming Ted and Ralph.

546
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,400
That's all I do. "Sir."

547
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:05,080
I like the end product, but
I found the filming of it very dull.

548
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:09,520
..But I'm a professional.
I'm sure I never gave it away!

549
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:14,000
I was so engrossed in my own
performance, I never noticed you.

550
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:18,440
It was absolutely marvellous when
Paul won the BAFTA and not me.

551
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,320
I'd trained him for years and,
finally...

552
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:28,640
It was a bit like Elsa the lion.
..there was Paul getting the award
and not me. I was overjoyed.

553
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,000
Paul Whitehouse for The Fast Show!

554
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,520
..Ta.

555
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,960
Sorry, Harry. We...
I did feel very, very sorry for him.

556
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:48,720
His sad little face. I know.
And Lucy, his beautiful wife,
dressed up.

557
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:53,240
He'd worked so hard for many years
on his television stuff.

558
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:59,440
Actually, I never thought
he was that good after
I stopped working with him. ..Mm.

559
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:07,240
Due to the nature
of the characters and the way
they have entered people's lives,

560
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:14,080
the way the catchphrases are a part
of people's lives, it is, I suppose,
the Python of its generation.

561
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,880
The trick is that it's so fast, you
don't have time to think,

562
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,880
"This is bollocks." Then you realise
it isn't.

563
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:28,760
It's deconstructed humour. It just
comes all the way down just to...
let's just cut to the ejaculation.

564
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:35,240
I think the main reason it became
a hit was it's very, very good.
And we're very, very good in it.

565
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:39,720
And people slowly came to that
understanding. "They're very good!

566
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:44,480
"I thought they were bad,
but, actually, they're very good!"

567
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:50,840
I think it's the best job
in the world, so it's not hard.
We get on AND have a laugh.

568
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,920
Yeah, we all make each other laugh,
immoderately.

569
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,360
Sometimes the atmosphere can be
quite hairy,

570
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:03,040
and sometimes it's a real laugh.
It's like school, really.

571
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:06,080
End of series three...
was the best moment.

572
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,400
Just getting
away from those sad, tired faces.

573
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:16,840
Big, daft character who comes on
with the funny wig and shouts,

574
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,400
"Arse!" Yeah! That's all it is!

575
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,120
Arse!

576
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,320
Put on a wig or a 'tache,
say a word and get off.

577
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,320
Ed Winchester - it was a tragedy.

578
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,760
We don't really discuss him.

579
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,720
I don't know why they used it.

580
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:49,520
I can't say.

581
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,720
Paul won't like that.

582
00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:00,440
It was just that we didn't want
to use him.

583
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,880
Nothing to do with any of the other
stuff that didn't happen.