1 00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:27,240 (Helicopter) 2 00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:29,756 (Crash) 3 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,881 Right. That's Tuesday dealt with. 4 00:00:36,927 --> 00:00:38,758 Let's look at Wednesday now. 5 00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:42,766 Uh... Half-seven Mass. 6 00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:45,196 I can take that. 7 00:00:45,247 --> 00:00:47,761 And, uh...maybe... 8 00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:50,446 Could you take the eight o'clock at all?? 9 00:00:52,647 --> 00:00:54,683 Right, I can take that as well. 10 00:00:55,727 --> 00:00:59,436 Now, um... the half-six evening Mass on Sunday. 11 00:00:59,487 --> 00:01:01,557 Evening Mass? 12 00:01:03,087 --> 00:01:04,281 Too early. 13 00:01:04,327 --> 00:01:07,603 No problem, I can take that as well, I'll just make a note. 14 00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:10,002 - Morning, Ted. - Morning, Dougal. 15 00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:14,163 Uh, Dougal?? There's, uh... 16 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,482 There's some shaving cream just there. 17 00:01:16,527 --> 00:01:18,916 No, there's not, Ted. You're grand. 18 00:01:20,727 --> 00:01:23,036 - No, on you. - Oh, where, exactly? 19 00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:25,681 - Just there, below your ear. - Here? 20 00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:28,480 Yes, and there's a bit more... 21 00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:30,961 - Gone? - No, there's still just a... 22 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,645 It's all over the place. 23 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,526 Oh, God. How on earth did all that get there? 24 00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,797 I didn't even shave this morning. 25 00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:46,117 So, what are we doing today, Ted? 26 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,317 Confessions and things like that? 27 00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:50,483 Yes, Dougal, things like that. 28 00:01:52,687 --> 00:01:55,838 It's great being a priest, isn't it, Ted? 29 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,600 God, it's lovely out. 30 00:02:04,287 --> 00:02:05,845 Oh, wait till I tell you, Ted! 31 00:02:05,887 --> 00:02:08,799 Funland's coming to Craggy Island on Saturday. 32 00:02:08,847 --> 00:02:10,838 Oh, yes, the fairground thing. 33 00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:14,766 I wouldn't have much interest in that type of thing myself. 34 00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:17,002 They've got a spider baby. 35 00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:20,199 - A what? - A spider baby. 36 00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,600 A freak show thing. 37 00:02:21,647 --> 00:02:24,878 It's got the body of a spider but it's actually a baby. 38 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,326 Oh. 39 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:33,282 How is it a baby? Does it have a nappy on or something? 40 00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,241 No. 41 00:02:36,287 --> 00:02:38,517 Does it have the head of a baby? 42 00:02:40,647 --> 00:02:42,160 Um... 43 00:02:42,207 --> 00:02:43,196 No. 44 00:02:44,687 --> 00:02:48,999 Well, if it looks like a spider and it doesn't gurgle or anything, 45 00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:50,844 how do you know it's a baby? 46 00:02:51,887 --> 00:02:53,878 They keep it in a pram. 47 00:02:56,967 --> 00:03:00,164 Dougal, are you absolutely sure about this? 48 00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:03,438 You're not confusing it with a dream or anything? 49 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:07,605 No, honestly, I saw it on the news. Honestly! Oh... Oh, wait now. 50 00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:11,083 Actually, now that you say it, it was a dream, yeah. 51 00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:15,246 Have you been studying this like I told you? 52 00:03:15,287 --> 00:03:17,482 Oh, I have, Ted. 53 00:03:17,527 --> 00:03:21,156 Sorry. But we should go anyway, Ted, it'll be great! 54 00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,358 Last year I did horse riding and it was just fantastic. 55 00:03:24,407 --> 00:03:26,204 I didn't know you rode horses. 56 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:29,603 Well, it wasn't a real horse, Ted, like... 57 00:03:29,647 --> 00:03:32,480 It was this old fellow with a saddle on him. 58 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,397 God, he must've been about 80. 59 00:03:38,447 --> 00:03:40,836 Of course, he couldn't go very fast. 60 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,765 I was kind of lashing him with the whip and all... 61 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,684 Couldn't get much of a response. 62 00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:48,366 And how long were you up on him? 63 00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:50,557 Oh, I'd say it was about, uh... 64 00:03:52,087 --> 00:03:54,123 about an hour? 65 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:57,318 So you were up on an 80-year-old man, 66 00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,518 riding him around and whipping him for 60 minutes? 67 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:04,446 You realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life? 68 00:04:04,487 --> 00:04:08,275 I know, Ted. It's great, isn't it? Come on, we should go. 69 00:04:08,327 --> 00:04:11,797 No, I don't think I could take the excitement, to be honest. 70 00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:15,203 Suppose I'll just see if there's anything on the TV. 71 00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:22,003 - 'What type of a jumper is that?' - 'Well, basically...' 72 00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:23,275 Ahh! 73 00:04:26,247 --> 00:04:28,203 (Sizzling) 74 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:36,359 Maybe I'll just go and study the old diagram. 75 00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:37,920 (Phone ) 76 00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:42,402 Hello? Father Ted Crilly speaking. 77 00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:46,725 Hello, Father. Sorry to disturb you. My name is Terry MacNamee. 78 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:50,555 I'm producing Faith of Our Fathers for Telly Eireann. 79 00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:54,236 We're talking to priests who work in isolated communities. 80 00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,879 Would you be interested? 81 00:04:55,927 --> 00:04:59,476 Well, that's very, um... That's very exciting. 82 00:04:59,527 --> 00:05:02,439 Faith of Our Fathers is my favourite programme. 83 00:05:02,487 --> 00:05:05,320 Well, you were the first person we thought of. 84 00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,881 If you are interested, I could come over. 85 00:05:07,927 --> 00:05:09,599 We'd give you a small fee. 86 00:05:09,647 --> 00:05:12,161 - Who's that, Ted? - Uh, no one. 87 00:05:12,207 --> 00:05:14,596 - No one? - 'Hello, Father Crilly?' 88 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,558 - No. - Must be someone, Ted. 89 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,404 Just a moment. 90 00:05:22,287 --> 00:05:23,515 Sorry. 91 00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:26,035 How exactly do you get to Craggy Island? 92 00:05:26,087 --> 00:05:28,078 It doesn't seem to be on any maps. 93 00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:32,040 No, it wouldn't be on any maps, now. We're not exactly New York. 94 00:05:32,087 --> 00:05:35,204 The best way is from Galway, go slightly north 95 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:38,637 till you see the English boats with the nuclear symbol. 96 00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:43,078 They go very close to the island dumping the old glow-in-the-dark. 97 00:05:43,127 --> 00:05:47,643 Are there any other priests living with you? We don't list anyone else. 98 00:05:47,687 --> 00:05:50,520 Um...well, uh... 99 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,762 No, there's no one else here. 100 00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:56,083 I'll see you on Saturday. I'll call when I get there. 101 00:05:56,127 --> 00:05:57,526 Bye. 102 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,842 (Burps ) 103 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,759 The ants are back, Ted. 104 00:06:20,607 --> 00:06:24,441 Never turn on the TV when Father Jack's asleep. You know how he is! 105 00:06:24,487 --> 00:06:26,717 But he's always asleep. 106 00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:30,476 Anyone who's served the Church as long as he has deserves a rest. 107 00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:31,721 (Snoring) 108 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,759 It's an honour for us to look after him in his old age. 109 00:06:34,807 --> 00:06:36,684 (Muttering) 110 00:06:37,727 --> 00:06:40,958 Look at him, dreaming of past glories, no doubt. 111 00:06:41,007 --> 00:06:42,759 (Angelic choir) 112 00:06:42,807 --> 00:06:45,321 Girls, pay attention. 113 00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:47,437 We've got a special treat today. 114 00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:52,003 Father Hackett has volunteered to take you all for volleyball practice. 115 00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,600 Right, Father. 116 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:57,161 He's just reminded me it's very warm, 117 00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,402 so no need for your tracksuit tops. 118 00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,280 (Angelic choir) 119 00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,878 Hello! 120 00:07:14,927 --> 00:07:16,838 Father Dougal McGuire here. 121 00:07:16,887 --> 00:07:20,118 And welcome to this week's Top of the Pops. 122 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,600 In at number 45 this week 123 00:07:21,647 --> 00:07:24,400 is Father Ted Crilly with I've Got the Power. 124 00:07:24,447 --> 00:07:29,760 And at number 15 for the 16th week in a row is Father Jack Hackett, 125 00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,320 with I'm a Sleepy Priest. 126 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,484 How did that gobshite get on the television?! 127 00:07:37,487 --> 00:07:39,876 Hello to you all. 128 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,964 Ah, is the television broken again, Father? 129 00:07:43,007 --> 00:07:45,646 - Yes, we... - There's nothing wrong with it 130 00:07:45,687 --> 00:07:50,966 that can't be fixed with a bit of you know what in the head department. 131 00:07:51,007 --> 00:07:52,759 Now, then, who's for tea? 132 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,924 - Me, please, Mrs Doyle. - Tea? Feck! 133 00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,920 - I'm fine, Mrs Doyle. - You won't have a cup? 134 00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:02,356 No thanks, Mrs Doyle. I won't have a cup. 135 00:08:02,407 --> 00:08:05,240 - You sure? It's hot. - No, I'm not in the mood. 136 00:08:05,287 --> 00:08:08,040 All right, so... Aw, would you not have a drop? 137 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,998 - No, thanks. - Just a little cup. 138 00:08:10,047 --> 00:08:12,277 - I'm fine! - I tell you what, Father... 139 00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:14,636 - Seriously! - I'll pour a cup anyway. 140 00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:17,963 And you can have it if you want. Now... 141 00:08:19,527 --> 00:08:21,722 And what do you say to a cup? 142 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:23,598 Feck off, cup! 143 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,204 - He loves his cup of tea. - Feck off! 144 00:08:28,247 --> 00:08:29,680 There you go. 145 00:08:29,727 --> 00:08:31,126 Feck off! 146 00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:33,283 Father Crilly, I nearly forgot. 147 00:08:33,327 --> 00:08:36,922 - Earlier, a Terry MacNamee called. - Oh, right. 148 00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:38,958 - Who's that? - Never heard of him. 149 00:08:39,007 --> 00:08:41,601 Something to do with the television? 150 00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,239 He's coming to fix it. 151 00:08:43,287 --> 00:08:46,085 - He'll be here tomorrow at 12. - Grand. 152 00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:53,485 Yeah, it's good you called someone, Ted. 153 00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:57,205 It's still not working. 154 00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:02,201 # You're simply the best 155 00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:03,760 # Doo doo doo doo 156 00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:06,799 # Better than all the rest, doo doo doo doo # 157 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,041 Ahem. 158 00:09:08,087 --> 00:09:10,157 You frightened the life out of me. 159 00:09:10,207 --> 00:09:12,641 You're doing the old pop star thing. 160 00:09:12,687 --> 00:09:14,723 I was, Ted, yeah. 161 00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:19,316 It was great being on TV today. I've caught the telly bug. 162 00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:21,198 Well... 163 00:09:21,247 --> 00:09:25,638 Get to bed now and get some sleep, you don't want to get over-tired. 164 00:09:30,087 --> 00:09:32,442 Did you ever want to get into television? 165 00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:36,844 Ah, no, I... I wouldn't be interested in that kind of thing, really. 166 00:09:36,887 --> 00:09:40,323 Right. You wouldn't be much good at it, actually. 167 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:41,925 What? Why not? 168 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:45,880 Well, you're a bit serious. And your eyes are a bit crossed. 169 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,921 They're a bit wonky. The cameras notice. 170 00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:52,356 I am not cross-eyed, Dougal. 171 00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:53,965 Ah, you're a bit, now, Ted. 172 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:57,795 Half the time I don't know if you're talking to me or Father Jack. 173 00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,680 Dougal, why don't you just... get some sleep. 174 00:10:00,727 --> 00:10:03,161 Right. Just have to say the old prayers. 175 00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:10,997 Our Father, who art in heaven... 176 00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:17,482 (Ted) Hallowed. 177 00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:20,200 Hallowed be thy... 178 00:10:21,407 --> 00:10:22,476 (Ted) Name. 179 00:10:22,527 --> 00:10:25,963 Ah, Papa don't preach... 180 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,925 Dougal, you know you can praise God with sleep. 181 00:10:30,967 --> 00:10:32,161 Can you, Ted? 182 00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:35,597 Yes, it's a way of thanking him for a tiring day. 183 00:10:35,647 --> 00:10:39,196 God. There's lots of ways to praise God, isn't there, Ted? 184 00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:43,320 Like that time you told me to praise him by just leaving the room. 185 00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:45,597 That was a good one, yes. 186 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,317 - Ted... - Mmm? 187 00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:58,916 - Ted? - Yes? 188 00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,162 (Dougal) Knock knock. 189 00:11:03,647 --> 00:11:07,686 - Who's there? - Father Dougal McGuire. 190 00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:09,877 Good night, Dougal. 191 00:11:14,087 --> 00:11:17,397 (Ted, quietly) I can hear you a bit better now, shh, yeah. 192 00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:20,995 You made it, then? 193 00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:24,562 I think so. There's no indication it is Craggy Island. 194 00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,484 There's no signs or anything. 195 00:11:26,527 --> 00:11:30,725 Is there a man looking at you with a T-shirt saying "I Shot JR"? 196 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,197 Actually, there is. 197 00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:38,522 Ah, you're here, so, yeah. 198 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,240 What? The line is bad, you're a bit muffled. 199 00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:44,916 I'm on a portable phone, you caught me by surprise. 200 00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:47,037 I'm on the toilet. 201 00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:51,244 Right. So, er... So where can we meet? 202 00:11:51,287 --> 00:11:54,962 Anywhere we can get a few good shots? Any local landmarks? 203 00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,406 - No. - What? 204 00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:58,517 There are no landmarks here now. 205 00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,046 None at all?? 206 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:04,126 No, the island itself is a kind of landmark. For ships and that. 207 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:07,955 Head away from it and you're going in the right direction. 208 00:12:08,007 --> 00:12:10,202 - So, uh... - There's the field. 209 00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:13,284 Oh, a field. Well, that sounds... 210 00:12:13,327 --> 00:12:16,558 It's not a field, really, but it has less rocks than most places. 211 00:12:16,607 --> 00:12:20,236 Never mind. I'll meet you at the field. How do I get there? 212 00:12:20,287 --> 00:12:22,278 Ask Tom there. He'll help you out. 213 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,716 Right, Father. Thanks. 214 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:31,125 Bird! 215 00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,797 (Dougal) Ooooo. 216 00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:39,803 Holy Mary Mother of God! 217 00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:47,797 God, Ted, I'm so sorry. It was just a joke. 218 00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:51,203 Tr...try to avoid doing that again, Dougal. 219 00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:53,636 I thought it was really...Herself. 220 00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:59,200 - That's the last thing I need. - You're right there, Ted. 221 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:04,445 Anyway, it's time for Jack's walk. Time for your walk, Father Jack! 222 00:13:04,487 --> 00:13:06,682 (Mumbling) 223 00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:08,763 Off around the cliffs. 224 00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:11,605 Can I bring him to Funland, Ted? He'd love that. 225 00:13:11,647 --> 00:13:14,719 No, he wouldn't. Take him around the cliffs. 226 00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,520 This time, near the edge, put on the brakes. 227 00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,239 He was lucky the last time. 228 00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:22,962 Right, Ted. Um, you're not coming yourself? 229 00:13:23,007 --> 00:13:26,204 Ah, no, I think I'll stay here and pray for a while. 230 00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,562 Oh, ho, what are you after, Ted? 231 00:13:30,607 --> 00:13:32,723 I'm not after anything, Dougal. 232 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:37,204 It's not unknown for members of the clergy to pray from time to time. 233 00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:39,761 Here we are, Father Crilly. 234 00:13:39,807 --> 00:13:40,922 Get away! 235 00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:45,245 There's nothing Father Hackett likes more than some fresh air! 236 00:13:45,287 --> 00:13:46,959 - Come on. - Oh, yeah. 237 00:13:47,007 --> 00:13:49,077 That's it. 238 00:13:50,487 --> 00:13:53,445 - Yeah, yeah, no... - Ahh! 239 00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,606 (Shouting gibberish) 240 00:13:56,647 --> 00:13:57,841 Come on, Father. 241 00:13:57,887 --> 00:14:01,243 (Confused shouting) 242 00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:04,279 Oh, now, come on, Father Hackett. 243 00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:07,364 That's it, now, in you go. Isn't that better? 244 00:14:07,407 --> 00:14:10,479 - Good man. - This'll keep you nice and warm. 245 00:14:10,527 --> 00:14:14,315 (Mrs Doyle ) Are you all right? Ooh. 246 00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,125 (Mumbling) 247 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:26,477 Bye, then! Every single day the same thing. 248 00:14:26,527 --> 00:14:29,883 Once he's out, he has a great time. He loves them old cliffs. 249 00:14:29,927 --> 00:14:34,205 - I'll be off. What are you up to? - I'll just have a bit of a pray. 250 00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:37,364 All right. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. 251 00:15:00,127 --> 00:15:04,359 (PA) 'Patrons are reminded that parking is unavailable. 252 00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:08,286 'A reminder of the unavailability of parking facilities.' 253 00:15:08,327 --> 00:15:11,125 I didn't know this bloody thing was on here. 254 00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,646 Hello, Father. 255 00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:15,485 Hello, Tom. Telly Eireann lads get here all right? 256 00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:18,246 They've gone to film a bit of the island first. 257 00:15:18,287 --> 00:15:21,165 - They'll be back soon. - I'll wait in the field. 258 00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:23,323 - Father! - Yes, Tom? 259 00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:24,720 I've killed a man. 260 00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:28,965 Did you? We'll talk later, I'm doing an interview for television. 261 00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:35,005 (PA) 'A little boy has been lost. Thank you.' 262 00:15:41,247 --> 00:15:44,000 Keep your hands on the sides! 263 00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:47,323 (PA) 'The child has now been found, thank you.' 264 00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:49,323 You fat, smelly cow! 265 00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:52,120 Take this. You have a face like a pair of tits. 266 00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,761 Well, at least that's one pair between us! 267 00:15:56,807 --> 00:15:59,765 - Hello, Mary. - Ah, hello, Father. 268 00:15:59,807 --> 00:16:02,116 - Hello, John. - Pack of Toffos, Father? 269 00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:06,524 No, thanks. I have to meet someone. I'm to be interviewed for television. 270 00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,922 - Oh. - Really? That's fantastic. 271 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:12,846 You know, Father, I think you'd be brilliant on television. 272 00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:14,002 Well, thank you. 273 00:16:14,047 --> 00:16:17,642 You'll be more than a match for Gay Byrne or Terry Wogan or any of them. 274 00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:20,076 It'll take weeks to get to their level. 275 00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:23,596 But I have to go find this film unit. 276 00:16:23,647 --> 00:16:27,686 They probably want to do a few close-ups and master shots and that. 277 00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:31,515 Don't want to be late and get a reputation as a Marilyn Monroe type. 278 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,445 - See you soon. - Good luck, Father Ted. 279 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:39,281 - Get them fecking Crunchies out. - Feck off. 280 00:16:39,327 --> 00:16:41,477 (Guitar strumming) 281 00:16:41,527 --> 00:16:43,518 (Banjo repeats guitar phrase ) 282 00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,964 (Banjo imitates guitar) 283 00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:52,283 (Duelling Banjos theme ) 284 00:16:57,367 --> 00:17:01,326 Ted! Ted! Over here, Ted! Come here and look at me! 285 00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:04,359 Hey, Ted! What are you doing here? 286 00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:07,638 I thought you weren't interested in this type of thing. 287 00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:10,360 You're supposed to be taking Jack for his walk. 288 00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:13,126 Well, um... The cliffs were closed for the day. 289 00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,681 How could cliffs be closed, Dougal?? 290 00:17:15,727 --> 00:17:17,445 OK, no. It wasn't that. 291 00:17:17,487 --> 00:17:19,318 - They were gone. - Ah. 292 00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:22,518 The cliffs were gone? How could they just disappear? 293 00:17:23,207 --> 00:17:24,526 Erosion. 294 00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,797 Come off and to the cliffs with you! 295 00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:29,805 There's just another couple of turns to go. 296 00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:32,077 Woooo! 297 00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:48,039 (PA) 'Patrons are reminded to keep their hands visible at all times 298 00:17:48,087 --> 00:17:50,726 'when not availing on the funfair rides.' 299 00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:54,316 Go straight home, do you hear? No more nonsense! 300 00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,686 Everyone else is here. 301 00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,446 Dougal, you're a priest, show some decorum. 302 00:17:58,487 --> 00:18:00,717 - Wish I wasn't a priest. - What? 303 00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:04,203 - I wish I wasn't a priest. - Jack heard you say that! 304 00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:06,397 He told me he doesn't believe in God. 305 00:18:06,447 --> 00:18:07,721 Dougal! 306 00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:27,920 Ted! Can I have a go on the Crane of Death, Ted? 307 00:18:27,967 --> 00:18:30,003 - The what? - The Crane of Death. 308 00:18:30,047 --> 00:18:33,119 There was a young fellow killed on it last year. 309 00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:35,476 Look. I'm sick and tired of your... 310 00:18:35,527 --> 00:18:38,280 Ted, a fortune teller! We'll have one go. 311 00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:41,842 - Don't waste your money. - There might be something in it. 312 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,765 It's rubbish. How could anybody believe it? 313 00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:47,799 It's no more peculiar than that stuff in seminary, 314 00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:50,645 heaven and hell and everlasting life and that. 315 00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:53,042 You're not meant to take it seriously. 316 00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:55,442 You are so too meant to take it seriously! 317 00:18:55,487 --> 00:18:57,045 - Are you? - Yes! 318 00:18:57,087 --> 00:18:59,920 - Heaven, hell and everlasting life? - Of course! 319 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:04,843 Look, Dougal, if I let you go in, will you go home after? 320 00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:07,401 - I will, I promise, Ted. - All right. 321 00:19:10,407 --> 00:19:13,126 - (Tarot reader) Hello. - Let's go, Ted. 322 00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,158 - What's wrong? - I'm scared. 323 00:19:15,207 --> 00:19:17,277 I'll do it and you can watch. 324 00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:19,761 - Hello there! - Sit! 325 00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:22,560 - First, cross my palm with silver. - Silver? 326 00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:25,599 - I don't carry bags of it around. - Give me a pound. 327 00:19:28,807 --> 00:19:33,244 Now, I'll interpret one card at a time, please. 328 00:19:33,287 --> 00:19:35,164 Be careful. 329 00:19:37,167 --> 00:19:38,395 (Spooky music) 330 00:19:38,447 --> 00:19:42,645 Um...I wasn't concentrating. Perhaps I could pick another? 331 00:19:42,687 --> 00:19:45,326 No, this is a common misunderstanding. 332 00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:48,564 The Grim Reaper doesn't mean death in a literal sense. 333 00:19:48,607 --> 00:19:51,917 Rather, it may mean the death of an old way of life 334 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:54,037 and the beginning of a new one! 335 00:19:54,087 --> 00:19:56,362 I know what that is. 336 00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:58,921 It's probably about a new bicycle lamp. 337 00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:01,197 Another card, please. 338 00:20:01,247 --> 00:20:03,078 (Spooky music) 339 00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,964 Is that good? 340 00:20:06,007 --> 00:20:10,239 Well, ah... It will all become clear at the next card. 341 00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:11,879 (Gong) 342 00:20:13,487 --> 00:20:17,719 This is really weird. There's only supposed to be one in each pack. 343 00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:24,761 Hello, Tom. Is Father Crilly around yet? 344 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,798 He is, yeah. He's in there. 345 00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:30,157 That's a nasty scar you've got, Tom. Where did you get that? 346 00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:33,119 I was, uh...in an argument. 347 00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:37,399 - Oh, I hope you won. - I certainly did. 348 00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:40,007 That's nothing. I've had worse than that. 349 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,760 Can you believe me own Dad did that to me? 350 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,885 It looks like a face! 351 00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:51,325 (PA) 'Siobhan to the refreshment tent.' 352 00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:55,042 Where's Father Jack? It's nearly five, time for his drink. 353 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,045 - You go that way, I'll go this way. - OK. 354 00:20:58,087 --> 00:21:01,443 (PA) 'Siobhan, please report to reheat the hamburgers.' 355 00:21:01,487 --> 00:21:04,524 Come, now, Father, we'd better be off. Come on. 356 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:09,197 Father! Father! There you are, Father. 357 00:21:09,247 --> 00:21:10,965 We got here at last. 358 00:21:11,007 --> 00:21:13,840 Father, Father. Dead to the world. 359 00:21:13,887 --> 00:21:16,196 You don't know what's going on. 360 00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,681 Gin! Vodka! 361 00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:20,763 It's time for your drink, come on! 362 00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:23,480 Ahhh! 363 00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,599 Are you lads from... from the television? 364 00:21:26,647 --> 00:21:29,605 - Well, yes. - Oh, yes. 365 00:21:29,647 --> 00:21:34,118 - We'll just ask a few questions. - Am I gonna be on the telly? 366 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:37,716 Well, yes. We'll start with a history of the island, 367 00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:41,521 then move on to how life has changed for the islanders... 368 00:21:48,887 --> 00:21:53,403 (Terry ) Father, how would you say religious beliefs on the island 369 00:21:53,447 --> 00:21:56,837 have been affected by TV and greater access to the media? 370 00:21:56,887 --> 00:21:59,685 God, no, they're talking to Dougal. 371 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:04,201 - Think, Ted. - Drink! Drink! 372 00:22:04,247 --> 00:22:06,317 (Ted screams ) 373 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,676 (Angelic choir) 374 00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:15,604 There I am! It's me, look! I'm on the telly! 375 00:22:15,647 --> 00:22:19,799 'So, God, does he really exist? I mean, who knows? 376 00:22:19,847 --> 00:22:25,126 'I don't know. Personally, I don't even believe in organised religion.' 377 00:22:25,167 --> 00:22:26,964 (Ted groans ) 378 00:22:27,007 --> 00:22:29,646 I know, it's great, isn't it? 379 00:22:29,687 --> 00:22:31,120 'A spider baby. 380 00:22:31,167 --> 00:22:35,524 'It's got the body of a spider but the mind of a baby and...' 381 00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:37,000 (Groaning) 382 00:22:38,847 --> 00:22:42,362 'It wouldn't really bite you, unless it got a bit older.' 383 00:22:42,407 --> 00:22:43,522 (Groaning) 384 00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:46,764 I can't believe it either, I'm on the television! 385 00:22:48,407 --> 00:22:51,922 That gobshite again! Is he never off the air! 386 00:22:59,967 --> 00:23:05,360 (PA) 'A child has been, eh, lodged in the Tunnel of Goats. 387 00:23:05,407 --> 00:23:09,798 'If we could have a nurse, please, to the Tunnel of Goats, thank you. 388 00:23:12,727 --> 00:23:18,006 'A goat and a child have now become lodged together, eh, 389 00:23:18,047 --> 00:23:22,245 'and a nurse has become involved in the...in the incident. 390 00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:28,601 'Another nurse is required to release the nurse we asked for previously. 391 00:23:28,647 --> 00:23:30,046 'Thank you.' 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net