1 00:00:25,607 --> 00:00:27,563 (Helicopter) 2 00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:29,801 (Crash) 3 00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:43,398 Looks like rain, Ted. 4 00:00:44,487 --> 00:00:46,478 Come on, Dougal. It's your go. 5 00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:50,406 I must say, Father Hernandez, it's been wonderful having you over. 6 00:00:50,447 --> 00:00:52,961 But I expect you're homesick for Cuba. 7 00:00:53,007 --> 00:00:54,884 (Speaking Spanish) 8 00:00:56,767 --> 00:01:00,077 (Translator) 'Yes, my country is very beautiful.' 9 00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:03,157 (Speaking Spanish) 10 00:01:03,207 --> 00:01:08,725 'But Ted, you have a great life here on Craggy Island. 11 00:01:08,767 --> 00:01:10,758 'You have two good friends. 12 00:01:11,807 --> 00:01:13,160 'Father Dougal... 13 00:01:14,807 --> 00:01:17,116 'And, of course, Father Jack.' 14 00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:20,955 Yes, but I must say, I miss the noise and the lights 15 00:01:21,007 --> 00:01:23,601 and the whole buzz of the big city. 16 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:28,398 'You were in Wexford, weren't you?' 17 00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:33,364 I was, yes. But Craggy Island has its charms. 18 00:01:33,407 --> 00:01:37,116 The west part of the island was beautiful. Until it drifted off. 19 00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,761 'Drifted off?' 20 00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:42,526 Yes, there was a storm and it just came loose. 21 00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:46,196 Now we don't have a west side, just north, south and east. 22 00:01:46,247 --> 00:01:47,839 But it was lovely. 23 00:01:48,887 --> 00:01:50,605 'You know, Ted... 24 00:01:50,647 --> 00:01:55,277 'Your housekeeper is a... very beautiful woman. 25 00:01:58,927 --> 00:02:02,237 'Sometimes this celibacy is hard for a man. 26 00:02:05,727 --> 00:02:07,479 'Heh, heh, heh.' 27 00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:11,122 Yes, well, you have to take the rough with the smooth, I suppose. 28 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:14,477 - Bishop Brennan springs to mind. - 'Oh, yes?' 29 00:02:14,527 --> 00:02:18,156 Yes, Bishop Len Brennan. He's our kind of boss. 30 00:02:18,207 --> 00:02:20,198 Apparently, he was, uh... 31 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:23,079 at the old... 32 00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:25,320 himself. 33 00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:27,722 The union was blessed, so they say. 34 00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:29,917 'No.' 35 00:02:31,087 --> 00:02:34,318 A son. He lives in America. Or so goes the rumour. 36 00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:40,761 Was it Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with...the candlestick? 37 00:02:40,807 --> 00:02:42,035 What? 38 00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:46,244 Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the candlestick. 39 00:02:46,287 --> 00:02:49,279 You have Colonel Mustard. You showed me earlier. 40 00:02:49,327 --> 00:02:51,318 How could it be him if you have him? 41 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:53,039 Oh, right. 42 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,764 Father Hernandez, your go. 43 00:02:56,807 --> 00:03:01,198 'Yes. I think it was... 44 00:03:03,407 --> 00:03:06,160 'The Reverend Green... 45 00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:09,404 'with the knife... in the drawing room.' 46 00:03:09,447 --> 00:03:13,281 (Chuckling) Those Protestants. Up to no good as usual. 47 00:03:14,687 --> 00:03:18,441 What's Father Jack looking at? What's that you're watching? 48 00:03:18,487 --> 00:03:20,637 - What? - Is that a film? 49 00:03:20,687 --> 00:03:22,996 - What? - Isn't that Kiefer Sutherland? 50 00:03:23,047 --> 00:03:25,959 - What? - Is that Flatliners you're watching? 51 00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:28,202 What? 52 00:03:28,247 --> 00:03:30,920 'Is Father Jack a little hard of hearing?' 53 00:03:30,967 --> 00:03:32,605 What? 54 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:35,878 Yes, he gets a kind of waxy build-up in his ears. 55 00:03:35,927 --> 00:03:38,964 Then we have to syringe them. It's not very nice. 56 00:03:39,007 --> 00:03:42,044 It's great, because we're never short of candles. 57 00:03:42,087 --> 00:03:43,315 (Jack) What? 58 00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:49,438 All that was in his head last week. 59 00:03:51,487 --> 00:03:54,285 And there's a few more over there. 60 00:03:54,327 --> 00:03:56,841 We've nearly enough for a papal funeral. 61 00:03:56,887 --> 00:04:00,482 He's a one-man candle factory. Aren't you, Father Jack? 62 00:04:00,527 --> 00:04:01,721 What? 63 00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:04,759 To be honest, he can hear well enough when he wants to. 64 00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:06,126 Watch this. 65 00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:09,000 Father Jack, would you like a glass of brandy? 66 00:04:09,047 --> 00:04:10,275 Yes. 67 00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:14,237 Oh, you see, he's a terrible man. 68 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,686 Brandy! Brandy! 69 00:04:15,727 --> 00:04:19,242 All right, all right. Now, say when. 70 00:04:19,287 --> 00:04:20,766 - What? - Say when. 71 00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:23,116 - What? - Tell me when to stop pouring. 72 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,203 Oh, right, you want any more? 73 00:04:25,247 --> 00:04:27,397 - Yes. Yes, yes. - (Phone ) 74 00:04:28,407 --> 00:04:32,400 Hello! Craggy Island parochial house, Father Ted Crilly speaking. 75 00:04:32,447 --> 00:04:34,915 Hello, Bishop Brennan. How are you? 76 00:04:34,967 --> 00:04:39,324 Yes. No. Ah, right. Good, yes. All right, of course, yes. Goodbye. 77 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:44,246 The boss is coming over. He wants to talk to us about something. 78 00:04:44,287 --> 00:04:47,962 Come on. This is the longest game of Cluedo I've ever played. 79 00:04:48,007 --> 00:04:50,441 How long are we at it now? Five hours? 80 00:04:51,727 --> 00:04:55,037 Should there not be some cards in here or something? 81 00:04:59,407 --> 00:05:00,726 Dougal. 82 00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:04,320 Ted. 83 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:09,920 'Again, I have no words to say how thankful I am.' 84 00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:12,958 That's a bit ungrateful, Ted. 85 00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,077 Don't you worry, Father Hernandez. 86 00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:20,121 'However, I do have some gifts from the people of my village. 87 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:26,038 'Please, do not laugh at this simple example of Cuban handicraft.' 88 00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:29,005 It's a video recorder! 89 00:05:30,487 --> 00:05:34,196 'Yes, I'm sorry. It's a very basic model. 90 00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:37,000 'It has only a three-week pre-record facility.' 91 00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:39,481 Don't worry about that. It's great! 92 00:05:39,527 --> 00:05:41,757 Thanks very much. It's wonderful. 93 00:05:44,007 --> 00:05:49,286 'And for you, Ted, I have something...very special.' 94 00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:54,206 Oh. 95 00:05:57,927 --> 00:05:59,645 You really shouldn't have. 96 00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:05,917 You really shouldn't have. 97 00:06:07,407 --> 00:06:09,762 'It is a Cuban fertility symbol. 98 00:06:10,807 --> 00:06:15,198 'I hope it brings you as much luck as it brought me. 99 00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:19,286 'Yes? Eh? Eh, my friend? 100 00:06:21,207 --> 00:06:22,879 'Well...' 101 00:06:22,927 --> 00:06:25,043 Adios, Ted! 102 00:06:25,087 --> 00:06:27,157 (Booming dance music from car) 103 00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:34,165 Come on, Dougal, the Bishop will be here soon. 104 00:06:34,207 --> 00:06:36,926 - Do you remember what I told you? - Huh? 105 00:06:37,927 --> 00:06:41,806 It's very simple. Don't mention what we talked about last night. 106 00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:43,644 Oh, right, yeah. 107 00:06:44,607 --> 00:06:47,201 What were we talking about last night, Ted? 108 00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:50,080 You know, about the Bishop's little mistake. 109 00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:51,765 Oh, right, yeah. 110 00:06:52,807 --> 00:06:55,116 What mistake was that, now, Ted? 111 00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:58,398 - His son. His son in America. - Oh, yes. 112 00:06:59,447 --> 00:07:02,484 He has a son? In America? 113 00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:07,566 - Yes, well, so they say. - Right. That's news to me, Ted. 114 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:15,766 We were talking about it last night, Dougal. To Father Hernandez. 115 00:07:15,807 --> 00:07:17,126 Who? 116 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,844 Oh, right, the Cuban lad. Yeah. He gave us a video. 117 00:07:23,807 --> 00:07:26,037 - The Bishop, remember? - Right, OK. 118 00:07:26,087 --> 00:07:29,238 Just forget all about it. Just do not mention the son. 119 00:07:29,287 --> 00:07:31,517 - Have you got that? - I have, Ted. 120 00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:34,365 The lights are on, but there's nobody home. 121 00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:39,040 Father Crilly, Bishop Brennan's here. 122 00:07:39,087 --> 00:07:41,237 Hell's bells! Right, show him in. 123 00:07:41,287 --> 00:07:43,039 Not a word about the son. 124 00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:49,122 Hello, Bishop, how are you? Come on in, sit down. 125 00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:52,284 Sit down there, Your Grace, beside Father Dougal. 126 00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:54,397 Mrs Doyle? Some tea, please. 127 00:07:54,447 --> 00:07:56,438 Oh, certainly, Father Crilly. 128 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,806 How's the son? 129 00:08:29,727 --> 00:08:31,399 - What?! - The Son of God! 130 00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:34,405 How's everything in the world of religion? 131 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,564 The world of religion? What the hell are you talking about? 132 00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:40,246 Well, you know. Mrs Doyle, that tea? 133 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,323 Here I am. Here I am. 134 00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:43,925 Oh, isn't this grand? 135 00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:45,844 I'm fine, thank you, Mrs Doyle. 136 00:08:45,887 --> 00:08:48,447 Will you not have a cup of tea, Bishop Brennan? 137 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:52,116 No, I want to get right to the point and get the hell out of here. 138 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,806 - Sure you won't have a cup? - I'm certain. 139 00:08:54,847 --> 00:08:57,441 - Go on, have a cup. - No, thank you. 140 00:08:57,487 --> 00:08:59,637 Everybody else is having a cup. 141 00:08:59,687 --> 00:09:02,918 - I do not have time. Now... - You'll feel left out. 142 00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:05,481 You'll be Bishop Piggy-in-the-Middle. 143 00:09:05,527 --> 00:09:06,801 I am fine! 144 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,281 - Are you sure? Just a drop. - No! 145 00:09:11,247 --> 00:09:13,966 # Bishop Piggy-in-the-Middle! # 146 00:09:14,007 --> 00:09:16,840 Just say yes, Your Grace. It's quicker. 147 00:09:16,887 --> 00:09:19,879 - All right, then, yes. - Ah, grand. So, now. 148 00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:25,047 I hope you're not doing too much damage here. 149 00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:28,284 Jack? Are you behaving yourself? 150 00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:31,797 - Feck off. - What did you say? 151 00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:35,681 Your Grace, what brings you here? Sending us back to our parishes? 152 00:09:35,727 --> 00:09:39,242 Fat chance. You're here until I tell you otherwise. 153 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,836 Do you think I'd let Jack back into a normal parish 154 00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:45,355 after the wedding he did in Athalong? 155 00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:49,285 - Yes, but surely I'm all right. - No, no, no. 156 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,603 You are here until all of that money is accounted for. 157 00:09:52,647 --> 00:09:55,764 - I don't know what happened to it! - Enough! 158 00:09:55,807 --> 00:09:57,638 You went to Las Vegas, 159 00:09:57,687 --> 00:10:01,282 whilst that poor child was supposed to be in Lourdes. 160 00:10:03,487 --> 00:10:06,524 And as for this...cabbage! 161 00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:10,725 The mere idea of letting him back into the real world 162 00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:12,837 after the black rock incident. 163 00:10:12,887 --> 00:10:16,323 - Yes, that was unfortunate. - Lives irreparably damaged! 164 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,198 They were only nuns. 165 00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:21,124 Nuns are people, too. 166 00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:24,318 My God, the strings I pulled to not involve the Vatican. 167 00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:26,164 I do not want to talk about it! 168 00:10:26,207 --> 00:10:28,562 I just want this film business over with. 169 00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:30,120 Film? What film? 170 00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:34,001 This blasphemous film, The Passion of Saint Tibulus. 171 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:36,083 Now, His Holiness has banned it. 172 00:10:36,127 --> 00:10:39,437 But a loophole means the bloody thing's showing in this dump. 173 00:10:39,487 --> 00:10:41,717 Oh, yes. Is it any good, do you know? 174 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:44,565 I don't care if it's any good or not. 175 00:10:44,607 --> 00:10:48,395 All I know is we have to be seen to be making a stand against it. 176 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:52,963 I have been brought back from my holiday in California to sort it out. 177 00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:55,919 And that's where you and Larry and Moe come in. 178 00:10:55,967 --> 00:10:58,003 What do you mean? 179 00:10:58,047 --> 00:11:02,802 Well, I know that you couldn't organise a nun shoot in a nunnery. 180 00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:06,840 But despite that, it's up to you to make the Church's position clear. 181 00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:10,880 Make a protest at the cinema! Even you can manage that. 182 00:11:10,927 --> 00:11:12,724 Well, thanks very much. 183 00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:16,237 Listen, this is very serious. Don't make a balls of it. 184 00:11:16,287 --> 00:11:17,686 I'll be in touch. 185 00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:20,958 Your Grace. This isn't really my area. 186 00:11:21,007 --> 00:11:24,841 Nothing is your area, Crilly. You do not have an area. 187 00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:29,358 Unless it's a kind of a play area, with sandcastles, buckets and spades! 188 00:11:29,407 --> 00:11:31,967 Now, do what you're told, right? 189 00:11:35,047 --> 00:11:37,038 Bye, now! 190 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:43,198 Look at this. This is silly. There's nobody here! 191 00:11:43,247 --> 00:11:45,238 Ladies and gentlemen, 192 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:49,678 we have a treat in store today for all ye fans of French cinema. 193 00:11:49,727 --> 00:11:51,604 - Is it subtitled? - Pardon? 194 00:11:51,647 --> 00:11:54,480 Is it subtitled or is it dubbed? 195 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:55,721 It's subtitled. 196 00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:58,076 Ah, Jesus. 197 00:11:59,727 --> 00:12:01,957 Shall we start the protesting now? 198 00:12:02,007 --> 00:12:03,235 Yes, I suppose so. 199 00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:05,960 Or maybe we should see a bit of the film first. 200 00:12:06,007 --> 00:12:07,884 No, let's just get it over with. 201 00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:11,602 Maybe it's not too bad, Ted. It could be another Commitments. 202 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:15,959 It doesn't matter, good or bad. It's the morality we don't agree with. 203 00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,838 Right, let's go. 204 00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,764 Boo! Boo! 205 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,923 - (Barks ) - Ooh, you bad pup! 206 00:12:21,967 --> 00:12:23,639 Who is that? 207 00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:25,518 - Dirty, filthy beggar. - Boo. 208 00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:27,717 - Look, you... - Boo. 209 00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,759 Father Ted, Father Dougal! 'Tis yourselves! 210 00:12:31,807 --> 00:12:32,922 Hello, Michael. 211 00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:34,878 - How are you? - Oh, I'm grand. 212 00:12:34,927 --> 00:12:39,159 How's Father Jack? We haven't seen him since the Sharon Stone season. 213 00:12:39,207 --> 00:12:42,119 He's grand. A bit tired, so he won't be along today. 214 00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:44,237 Oh, you're making a fierce racket. 215 00:12:44,287 --> 00:12:45,606 It's a long story. 216 00:12:45,647 --> 00:12:48,559 We have the Bishop over, you know, Len Brennan. 217 00:12:48,607 --> 00:12:50,757 Oh, that gobshite. 218 00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:52,763 Yes, he's gone mad over the film. 219 00:12:52,807 --> 00:12:54,923 He told us to kick up a bit of a fuss. 220 00:12:54,967 --> 00:12:57,003 Oh, right. Only one thing, though. 221 00:12:57,047 --> 00:13:00,164 You're sort of, uh... disrupting the show. 222 00:13:00,207 --> 00:13:03,483 We're not, are we? Awfully sorry, Michael. 223 00:13:03,527 --> 00:13:07,281 Oh, no. No trouble at all. But if you could keep it down. 224 00:13:07,327 --> 00:13:10,763 I mean, we have to think of other people. 225 00:13:10,807 --> 00:13:12,763 - No problem. - Count on us. 226 00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:15,405 Michael, Michael. Um... 227 00:13:15,447 --> 00:13:18,245 I don't suppose you... You could throw us out? 228 00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:21,040 - Just for the television. - No problem. 229 00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:22,566 Do you want to go now? 230 00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:25,758 Actually, we might as well stay and see the film first. 231 00:13:25,807 --> 00:13:28,162 So I'll...throw ye out after the film. 232 00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,845 Grand, grand. 233 00:13:29,887 --> 00:13:33,004 And we're still OK for the, um...half price? 234 00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:36,084 No problem. Enjoy the film. 235 00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,358 - Boo! - Now, you! 236 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,642 What was all that about? 237 00:13:48,687 --> 00:13:51,520 You're asking the wrong person there, Ted. 238 00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:53,797 I couldn't make head nor tail of it. 239 00:13:54,847 --> 00:13:58,237 I know for a fact Saint Tibulus wore more clothes than that. 240 00:13:58,287 --> 00:14:02,166 He was from Norway or somewhere. He'd have frozen to death! 241 00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:07,678 And when Saint Tibulus tried to take that banana off the other lad? 242 00:14:07,727 --> 00:14:10,195 That wasn't a banana, Dougal. 243 00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:13,718 Anyway, let's get some sleep. 244 00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:22,757 (Dougal) Give us a B, please, Bob... Beethoven. 245 00:14:22,807 --> 00:14:26,561 Give us a C, please, Bob... Carnivorous. 246 00:14:28,087 --> 00:14:31,124 - F, please, Bob. - Oh, God. 247 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,362 Not Blockbusters again! 248 00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:34,999 (Dougal) Fettucine. 249 00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:36,480 (Birds chirping) 250 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:40,805 6am. Great! Another eight hours' sleep. 251 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,285 You awake, Ted? 252 00:14:46,327 --> 00:14:49,478 - Huh? - This is fantastic, isn't it? 253 00:14:49,527 --> 00:14:52,963 - Another great lie-in for the lads. - It is. 254 00:14:53,007 --> 00:14:55,521 Do you know what would be terrible? 255 00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:59,924 If Bishop Brennan told us to go to the cinema and protest again. 256 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,195 (Thunderclap ) 257 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,040 This is ridiculous. 258 00:15:09,087 --> 00:15:12,636 The flipping place doesn't open for another seven hours. 259 00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:16,600 Now, didn't the Bishop want us to chain ourselves to the railings? 260 00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:18,444 How are we supposed to do that? 261 00:15:18,487 --> 00:15:20,637 O'Learys might have something. 262 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,643 Right, you go get something. 263 00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:26,885 I'll guard a closed cinema against anyone wanting to watch a film 264 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,282 that doesn't start for seven hours. 265 00:15:32,607 --> 00:15:36,600 Jack! What the hell are you up to? Why aren't you at the film? 266 00:15:36,647 --> 00:15:38,080 Feck off! 267 00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:41,119 What? What did you say? 268 00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:48,400 Listen, did you see my bag anywhere, my travelling bag, hm? 269 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,996 Well, if you do see it, would you give it back to me? 270 00:15:52,047 --> 00:15:54,925 It's got my bloody passport in it, and uh... 271 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,764 everything. 272 00:15:58,247 --> 00:15:59,726 Right. 273 00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:03,564 (Mumbling) 274 00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:26,078 ( # Hallelujah Chorus ) 275 00:16:30,207 --> 00:16:33,404 Are you gonna stand there all day, you fat old bitch? 276 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:36,757 Don't talk to me like that, you big pile of shite. 277 00:16:38,007 --> 00:16:39,804 You ignorant prick! 278 00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:42,680 - You watch your mouth! - I'll watch nothing! 279 00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,365 I'll stick this up your ass! 280 00:16:44,407 --> 00:16:47,240 Ah, Father Dougal. 281 00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:48,402 Hello, you two. 282 00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:51,996 - Father, how's tricks? - We haven't seen you in a while. 283 00:16:52,047 --> 00:16:54,800 We were just making tea. Will you have a drop? 284 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,281 No, thanks, Mrs O'Leary, I'm fine. 285 00:16:57,327 --> 00:16:59,682 Well, what can we do you for, Father? 286 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:02,605 Well, I was looking for a pair of handcuffs. 287 00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:06,879 A pair of handcuffs? What do you need them for? 288 00:17:06,927 --> 00:17:09,077 Nothing much. They're for me and Ted. 289 00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:11,436 You and Father Ted? 290 00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:14,047 Yeah. We're just trying something out. 291 00:17:14,087 --> 00:17:17,363 Well, actually, funny enough, we do have a pair. 292 00:17:17,407 --> 00:17:20,160 Sergeant Thornton left them when he retired. 293 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,765 Retired from what? 294 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,286 From the police. 295 00:17:23,327 --> 00:17:26,683 The police? Was Sergeant Thornton a policeman? 296 00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,638 Um...he was, yes. 297 00:17:29,687 --> 00:17:32,076 Why do you think he wore the uniform? 298 00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:34,322 I thought he was just having a laugh. 299 00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:37,723 Anyway, here's the handcuffs. 300 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:40,406 OK, thanks, great, great. Bye, now! 301 00:17:40,447 --> 00:17:41,766 Bye, Father! 302 00:17:41,807 --> 00:17:44,605 - Down with this sort of thing! - Careful, now. 303 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,878 - Down with this sort of thing! - Hello, Father Crilly. 304 00:17:47,927 --> 00:17:49,599 - Hello, Jim. - Hello. 305 00:17:49,647 --> 00:17:51,763 I seen your picture in the paper. 306 00:17:51,807 --> 00:17:53,525 - What? - Here, have a look! 307 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:56,001 (Ted) Look at you! 308 00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:58,515 So it's a blasphemous film, is it? 309 00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:00,922 - Oh, it is. - What type of thing is it? 310 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:03,879 - Mad stuff. - Very immoral. You wouldn't like it. 311 00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:06,441 Is it a type of nudie thing, Father? 312 00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:09,285 You wouldn't believe the amount of nudity in it. 313 00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:12,763 Do you see the lot, do you, or is it just the top half you see? 314 00:18:12,807 --> 00:18:16,516 - Nothing is left to the imagination. - Right. 315 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:19,320 - Well, I'll be off. - Goodbye, Jim! 316 00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:24,317 - Hello, Fathers. - Hello Mrs Sheridan, Mrs Glynn. 317 00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,927 The Passion of Saint Tibulus, what's that? 318 00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:30,642 - We always go on Tuesdays. 319 00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:32,279 Oh, we saw a great one. 320 00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:34,761 - The Crying Game. - It was brilliant! 321 00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,399 There was this great bit. 322 00:18:36,447 --> 00:18:40,486 There was this girl, then you find out it's really a man! 323 00:18:40,527 --> 00:18:42,916 - They got his lad out. - What? 324 00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:46,004 You only see it for a second but you get the message. 325 00:18:46,047 --> 00:18:49,323 I didn't know what it was, it's so long since I've seen one. 326 00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,085 It was like your Billy's! 327 00:18:51,127 --> 00:18:54,563 Not at all. Billy's is rounder at the top. 328 00:18:54,607 --> 00:18:56,643 Cheerio, Fathers. 329 00:18:58,407 --> 00:19:00,637 Should we be stopping them going in? 330 00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:03,997 Just goes to show, nobody heeds what the Church says. 331 00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:06,800 - Hello, Pat. - Father Crilly. Hello. 332 00:19:06,847 --> 00:19:08,917 How's your wife? I hear she's unwell. 333 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:10,764 She's dead, Father. 334 00:19:10,807 --> 00:19:13,241 That's terrible. When did she...? 335 00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:16,279 - Ah, just a couple of hours ago. - Really? 336 00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:17,726 Yes. 337 00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:20,759 Anyway, that's just the way it is. 338 00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:23,685 - What's the film like, Father? - What? 339 00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:26,639 Is it any good? I was reading about it in the paper. 340 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,963 You shouldn't think about the film if your wife just died. 341 00:19:30,007 --> 00:19:31,998 I might wander in. 342 00:19:34,127 --> 00:19:37,358 I'll contact you about the funeral details later. 343 00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:41,320 Good Fathers, I must say, this is extraordinary. 344 00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,927 Our most successful film since Jurassic Park! 345 00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:48,597 It's breaking records, due to all this publicity over your protest. 346 00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:50,319 We didn't plan it that way. 347 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:52,198 Oh, my God. Look who it is! 348 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,881 Thank God, a bit of support. Fair play to you for turning... 349 00:19:58,927 --> 00:20:02,476 Come on, Father. I'll get you a seat right at the front! 350 00:20:04,607 --> 00:20:07,838 Right, Dougal. I've had enough. We're leaving. 351 00:20:07,887 --> 00:20:09,764 Give me the keys. 352 00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:13,604 Keys? 353 00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:19,964 What's this, then, Your Grace? 354 00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:22,567 Why am I looking at a globe of the world? 355 00:20:22,607 --> 00:20:24,438 Well, how can I explain? 356 00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:28,526 Firstly, a resumé of the last few days. 357 00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:31,639 Now, I don't know if you remember, but I came in here 358 00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:35,521 with the idea of you making a dignified protest about this film. 359 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,683 - Do you remember that? - Yes, yes. 360 00:20:37,727 --> 00:20:40,480 Just to show the Church's opposition to the film. 361 00:20:40,527 --> 00:20:44,884 But - and this is the part that I find most interesting - 362 00:20:44,927 --> 00:20:49,762 you've actually made this film the most successful film ever shown here. 363 00:20:49,807 --> 00:20:52,116 - Isn't that great? - Um... 364 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,921 I mean, people are coming from all over the country to see the film! 365 00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:59,323 They're even coming from Gdansk to see the film. 366 00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:01,642 And look at this! Look! 367 00:21:01,687 --> 00:21:03,882 There's you, there's Forrest Gump, 368 00:21:03,927 --> 00:21:08,079 and there's Father Jack actually watching the film! 369 00:21:08,127 --> 00:21:10,880 Now, there's a turn-up for the books, what? 370 00:21:10,927 --> 00:21:13,521 (Laughing) Right! Now... 371 00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:17,003 I think it's best for ye three to continue your careers 372 00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:20,801 as priests-cum-film promoters outside of my jurisdiction. 373 00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,439 Huh? Now, Ted... 374 00:21:22,487 --> 00:21:25,877 I thought that you might like to go to America, hmm? 375 00:21:25,927 --> 00:21:27,599 What part, do you think? 376 00:21:27,647 --> 00:21:30,320 Well, um...Las Vegas? 377 00:21:31,247 --> 00:21:34,239 Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. I meant South America. 378 00:21:34,287 --> 00:21:38,485 There's a lovely little island off the coast of Surinam and... 379 00:21:38,527 --> 00:21:40,119 (Laughing) 380 00:21:40,167 --> 00:21:44,046 They have a couple of tribes there, you're going to love this. 381 00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:48,126 And they have been knocking the shit out of each other since 1907. 382 00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:50,476 And we've never found the right man 383 00:21:50,527 --> 00:21:54,520 to bring them together in the spirit of Christian harmony. 384 00:21:54,567 --> 00:21:56,956 But I think that you are the man. 385 00:21:57,007 --> 00:21:59,362 - Well, thanks... - No need to thank me. 386 00:21:59,407 --> 00:22:02,638 By the way, do you know how to make arrows? 387 00:22:02,687 --> 00:22:06,077 - No. - Not to worry. It'll come to you. 388 00:22:06,127 --> 00:22:08,322 Now, Dougal, over to you. 389 00:22:08,367 --> 00:22:12,326 Isn't it funny how some of these places in the Philippines 390 00:22:12,367 --> 00:22:15,279 can keep going without a proper sewerage system? 391 00:22:15,327 --> 00:22:17,477 - Hmm? - You're right, Your Honour. 392 00:22:17,527 --> 00:22:19,961 Now, Jack, where can we send you? 393 00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:21,804 Huh? Jack, wake up. 394 00:22:21,847 --> 00:22:25,760 - Bishop, I wouldn't do that. - You shut up. Jack! Wake up! 395 00:22:26,327 --> 00:22:27,919 Feck off! 396 00:22:29,407 --> 00:22:31,796 I've got you now, Jack! I've got you! 397 00:22:31,847 --> 00:22:36,637 Oh, my God. If you think this is bad, wait till you see your new parish! 398 00:22:36,687 --> 00:22:38,917 Just wait until you see! 399 00:22:40,447 --> 00:22:43,007 Well, that's it, then. 400 00:22:43,047 --> 00:22:46,437 I suppose... I suppose all we can do now is pack. 401 00:22:47,527 --> 00:22:50,041 Ted, I don't want to go to the Philippines. 402 00:22:50,087 --> 00:22:52,362 I can't even spell the Philippines. 403 00:22:52,407 --> 00:22:54,443 I know it begins with an "F" but... 404 00:22:54,487 --> 00:22:58,162 I know. If only we could persuade the Bishop to change his mind. 405 00:22:58,207 --> 00:23:02,120 If only we had something we could bargain with. I don't know. 406 00:23:04,087 --> 00:23:06,521 (Ted) What's that? Did you get a film? 407 00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:08,876 The last thing I want to watch is a film. 408 00:23:15,887 --> 00:23:17,843 'Shut that thing off.' 409 00:23:20,207 --> 00:23:21,720 # Here I come # 410 00:23:34,207 --> 00:23:37,597 Well. That was great, wasn't it? 411 00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:39,797 You're right there, Ted. 412 00:23:39,847 --> 00:23:44,079 Should we phone him now or will we watch it again? 413 00:23:44,127 --> 00:23:46,436 I think we'll watch it again. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net