1 00:00:25,447 --> 00:00:27,278 (Helicopter) 2 00:00:28,887 --> 00:00:30,400 (Crash) 3 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,644 - Ready when you are, Ted. 4 00:00:33,687 --> 00:00:36,281 You'll like this. Ok. Here I come! 5 00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:44,759 Who are you supposed to be, Ted? 6 00:00:44,807 --> 00:00:47,958 What are you doing? You two can't go as Elvis. 7 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:51,044 You... Wait a second. 8 00:00:51,087 --> 00:00:53,078 You're Elvis as well. 9 00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:57,405 Of course. I've got Elvis written on my back. I don't believe this. 10 00:00:57,447 --> 00:01:01,042 Bit of a coincidence. Great minds think alike, I suppose. 11 00:01:01,087 --> 00:01:04,636 I've been saying for two weeks I was going as Elvis. 12 00:01:04,687 --> 00:01:07,201 That's probably where I got the idea. 13 00:01:07,247 --> 00:01:11,445 Great. The first All Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalike Competition 14 00:01:11,487 --> 00:01:13,478 I thought I had a chance in. 15 00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:16,803 I even made space for the trophy beside the one we got 16 00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:19,884 - for the ludo championships. - You might win. 17 00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:22,566 If you're on before me, I'll look an idiot. 18 00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:24,563 Everyone'll think I copied you. 19 00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:29,522 Well, to be fair, it is a bit weird you happened to think of it as well. 20 00:01:30,527 --> 00:01:34,520 Right. I'll just have to go as Mother Teresa again. 21 00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:38,886 Who are you supposed to be? 22 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,881 Elvis. I'm Elvis. 23 00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:46,317 - I'm Elvis. - I know you're Elvis, Father. 24 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,642 We're all Elvis. That's the problem. 25 00:01:48,687 --> 00:01:52,043 - Tea, Fathers. - Feck off! 26 00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:55,238 There's nothing like a cup of tea in the afternoon. 27 00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:58,324 You look a bit different, Father. 28 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,881 Have you had a haircut or something? 29 00:02:00,927 --> 00:02:02,963 No. I'm Elvis Presley. 30 00:02:03,007 --> 00:02:06,636 Are you, Father? That's a turn-up for the books anyway. 31 00:02:06,687 --> 00:02:08,837 It's for the Lookalike Show. 32 00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:12,675 Now I see. I must say I'm looking forward to that. 33 00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:15,525 - Is Father kiernan coming? - He won't be, no. 34 00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:19,196 He's a great laugh. I remember him last year telling his stories. 35 00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:23,126 He had me in stitches. It is true what they say about chubby men. 36 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:27,604 They are jollier than the rest of us. They've a way of looking at things. 37 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,239 He shot himself. 38 00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:32,563 Did he? Yeah. That's terrible. 39 00:02:32,607 --> 00:02:36,156 Still, I suppose that's often the way with fat men. 40 00:02:36,207 --> 00:02:39,324 They laugh to hide the tears. But that's life. 41 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:44,077 Happy one minute, and the next you go and shoot yourself and that's that. 42 00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,845 Anyway, tea. 43 00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,878 (Phone ) 44 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:54,086 - Hello. - Ted, how are you? Dick Byrne here. 45 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,561 Hello, Dick. How are things? 46 00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:59,724 - Fine. All set for tomorrow? - The competition? 47 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:03,646 - What have you planned? - Ah. I shouldn't say. 48 00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:06,247 - Mother Teresa. - No. 49 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,562 I think you have a chance this year. 50 00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:10,916 Oh, well. Do you really? 51 00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:12,923 No! 52 00:03:13,887 --> 00:03:15,161 Who was that, Dick? 53 00:03:15,207 --> 00:03:18,005 Dougal, I'm asking again, don't go as Elvis. 54 00:03:18,047 --> 00:03:20,800 - What? - I've been looking forward to this. 55 00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:22,565 I know all the moves. 56 00:03:22,607 --> 00:03:24,643 - Remember who's judging. - Who? 57 00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:28,999 - Henry Sellers. - No. He's coming here. Wow! 58 00:03:29,047 --> 00:03:31,959 I told you. Father Dunne is bringing him over. 59 00:03:32,007 --> 00:03:33,918 I've never met a celebrity. 60 00:03:33,967 --> 00:03:35,923 - You met the Pope. - Did I? 61 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:39,039 Don't you remember? When we were in Rome. 62 00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:43,046 That was the Pope? That fella living in the art gallery? 63 00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:44,759 The Vatican, Dougal. 64 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:48,277 I wouldn't say he's a celebrity in the true sense. 65 00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:51,285 The Pope is God's representative on Earth. 66 00:03:51,327 --> 00:03:52,999 You'd think he'd be taller. 67 00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:55,197 What, like a giant? 68 00:03:55,247 --> 00:03:57,556 Still, Henry Sellers coming here. 69 00:03:57,607 --> 00:03:58,960 (Laughs hysterically) 70 00:03:59,007 --> 00:04:02,716 - Henry Sellers coming here. - Dougal! Calm down. 71 00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:06,043 We've to concentrate on the Elvis problem. Look. 72 00:04:06,087 --> 00:04:08,999 We'll toss for it. Whoever wins can go as Elvis. 73 00:04:09,047 --> 00:04:10,719 Ok. All right. 74 00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,962 Right, heads or tails? 75 00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:17,078 Heads. No, tails. 76 00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:18,845 Heads. Tails. Heads. 77 00:04:18,887 --> 00:04:22,436 Dougal you have to give me a choice between the two. 78 00:04:22,487 --> 00:04:25,001 Sorry about that. I got a bit excited. 79 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,436 Here we go again. Heads or tails? 80 00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:29,205 - Heads. - Are you sure? 81 00:04:29,247 --> 00:04:32,319 Absolutely pos... Tails! Heads. Tails. Heads! 82 00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:36,121 - Dougal. Calm down. - Heads. Tails. Heads. 83 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,839 Dougal, are you all right? 84 00:04:37,887 --> 00:04:41,277 I'm fine. I'm just not the best at making decisions. 85 00:04:41,327 --> 00:04:43,522 - Look... - Or am I? 86 00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:47,719 Tell you what we'll do. You toss the coin, I'll take heads. 87 00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:49,962 Heads it is. Go ahead, toss it there. 88 00:04:53,007 --> 00:04:56,158 Forget it. Forget it! 89 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,686 Yes! 90 00:05:09,647 --> 00:05:11,717 Ted, Henry's on. 91 00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:13,485 Ted. 92 00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:17,361 'Back to you, Monica for a five-point question. 93 00:05:17,407 --> 00:05:21,958 'The capital of England - is it New York, 94 00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:23,838 'London... 95 00:05:23,887 --> 00:05:25,559 'or Munich?' 96 00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:31,604 'I'll give you a clue. You live there.' 97 00:05:34,687 --> 00:05:35,881 (Bell) 98 00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,485 'Jane, do you know?' 99 00:05:38,807 --> 00:05:42,243 'I leaned on the button by mistake.' 100 00:05:44,047 --> 00:05:46,083 He's great, isn't he, Ted? 101 00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:50,757 Henry. And he'll be here any second. Are you excited, Ted? 102 00:05:50,807 --> 00:05:54,436 Henry Sellers. Look at him there, asking the questions. 103 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:58,366 '..stitch in time saves how many?' 104 00:05:58,407 --> 00:05:59,601 (Bell) 105 00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:01,956 'Oh, sorry.' 106 00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,599 'London.' 107 00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,683 Any idea why he left the BBC, Ted? 108 00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:15,361 Ah, look, Ted. Why don't you be Elvis? 109 00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:19,286 Since you thought of it first, I suppose it's only fair. 110 00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:20,885 I'll go as Mother Teresa. 111 00:06:22,087 --> 00:06:24,601 Oh, I'm sorry, Dougal. 112 00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:28,117 I'm being very selfish. I'm sorry, you go as Elvis. 113 00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,398 No, it's not fair on you. You had your heart set on it. 114 00:06:31,447 --> 00:06:34,723 - Seriously, you go as Elvis. - Really? Great! Thanks. 115 00:06:36,407 --> 00:06:39,046 Unless you'd prefer to go as Mother Teresa. 116 00:06:39,087 --> 00:06:44,002 Ah, no. Anyway, there's only one Mother Teresa, and that's you, Ted. 117 00:06:48,287 --> 00:06:52,280 Thanks. At least I'll have the honour of taking care of Mr Sellers. 118 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:56,479 It's important that we be nice to him. That'll improve our chances. 119 00:06:56,527 --> 00:06:59,917 We'll fill him with food till it's coming out his ears. 120 00:06:59,967 --> 00:07:02,527 You'll be nice to him, won't you, Father? 121 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,717 (Groans ) 122 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,758 Father, are you all right? 123 00:07:09,927 --> 00:07:11,565 Oh, no. 124 00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:14,201 Not Toilet Duck again. 125 00:07:17,527 --> 00:07:21,042 You know what that does to you. 126 00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:24,284 You'll be seeing the pink elephants again. 127 00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:26,841 How many fingers am I holding up? 128 00:07:29,687 --> 00:07:30,881 Three. 129 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:34,397 Hmm. Not too bad. Probably getting immune to it by now. 130 00:07:34,447 --> 00:07:36,642 - (Doorbell) - That'll be Henry. God. 131 00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:39,155 He's here. 132 00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:43,325 Hello, there. Henry Sellers. 133 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:46,086 Father Ted Crilly. It's an honour, Mr... 134 00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:49,119 And it's lovely to be here, too. 135 00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,601 Hello. Father... 136 00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:54,002 Sorry, this is Father Dougal McGuire. 137 00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:57,556 Dougal, say something to Mr Sellers. 138 00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,245 How old are you? 139 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,366 Dougal! Don't ask Mr Sellers how old he is. 140 00:08:03,407 --> 00:08:06,205 That's quite all right. I'm 37, Father. 141 00:08:06,247 --> 00:08:09,523 This is Father Jack Hackett. 142 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,558 Hello, Father. 143 00:08:11,607 --> 00:08:13,677 Hello, Father. 144 00:08:14,847 --> 00:08:16,803 (Screams ) 145 00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:21,040 Bye, Father. 146 00:08:21,087 --> 00:08:23,396 - He's just gone for his walk. - Oh. 147 00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:25,915 Is there anything we can get you? 148 00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:29,198 - Call me Henry. - (Jack screaming) 149 00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:33,001 If you had something to eat, maybe a sandwich. 150 00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:35,561 Mrs Doyle, some sandwiches. 151 00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:37,165 Right, Father. 152 00:08:37,207 --> 00:08:39,163 Ahem. 153 00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:40,196 (Laughs ) 154 00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:43,364 - Is something wrong with your head? - Dougal! 155 00:08:43,407 --> 00:08:45,796 What? It's just his hair looks a bit... 156 00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:48,077 - Dougal. - I didn't say anything. 157 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,516 It's just Henry's hair looks a bit mad. 158 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:53,843 Is... Is Father Dunne with you? 159 00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:56,606 Yes. He's just bringing in... There he is. 160 00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:58,603 Ha, ha, ha! Ted! 161 00:08:58,647 --> 00:09:01,559 Barty. Good to see you. 162 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:02,835 Sit down there. 163 00:09:02,887 --> 00:09:05,037 (Laughing) 164 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,476 It's good to be on Craggy Island again. 165 00:09:09,887 --> 00:09:12,162 God, I haven't seen you in ages. 166 00:09:13,247 --> 00:09:15,636 I remember the last time I was here. 167 00:09:18,647 --> 00:09:21,161 We had that funny incident. Remember? 168 00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:28,242 I suppose... I suppose you've forgotten all about it. 169 00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:34,762 It was the type of thing, you know... 170 00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:37,519 What is this? 171 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:41,685 The last time Father Dunne was here Father Jack lost his slippers. 172 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,958 It was a bit like... 173 00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:53,241 He had us looking everywhere for them. 174 00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:59,205 It was a bit like the type of thing, you know... 175 00:10:00,927 --> 00:10:04,044 - We found them after a while. - It was a bit like... 176 00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:07,324 Oh, Lord. 177 00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:10,518 - How long was the car journey? - Four hours. 178 00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:16,761 With the thing there... I suppose it must be! 179 00:10:16,807 --> 00:10:18,877 What's it like being a TV star? 180 00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:21,964 - Well... - It must be... 181 00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:26,517 It must be... It must be... 182 00:10:29,807 --> 00:10:33,516 We are delighted to have you. Is there anything we can get you? 183 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,364 No, no. I'm fine. 184 00:10:35,407 --> 00:10:36,965 Some more sandwiches? 185 00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:38,406 No, I... Ooh! 186 00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:42,326 You've brought more in. No, no. I'm fine. 187 00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:44,119 Absolutely fine. Thank you. 188 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,123 Everything Ok with your hair? 189 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,840 Dougal! Stop talking about Henry's hair. 190 00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:51,799 I'm sorry, Henry. Your hair is so natural looking, 191 00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:54,202 Dougal can't stop talking about it. 192 00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:57,364 It really is a beautiful head of hair. 193 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:02,155 Anyway, what I was saying was, anything you want, just ask us. 194 00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:05,279 We can get it for you. There's no problem there. 195 00:11:05,327 --> 00:11:09,639 Anything you want that would be at all possible for us to get you, 196 00:11:09,687 --> 00:11:11,962 just ask for it. 197 00:11:12,007 --> 00:11:14,316 And I mean anything. 198 00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:16,835 There's no problem there. Anything. 199 00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:19,799 I have had trouble getting the English papers. 200 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:23,476 - Would it be possible... - Except the English papers. 201 00:11:23,527 --> 00:11:26,837 Anything else, just ask. Except the English papers. 202 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,163 You wouldn't have the number of a Father Dick Byrne? 203 00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:32,562 It would be a mistake to visit them. 204 00:11:32,607 --> 00:11:34,677 Why is that, Father? 205 00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:38,997 They're lepers. 206 00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:40,916 What? 207 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,880 The three of them are lepers. Rugged Island is a leper colony. 208 00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:48,516 Leper colony? You're not serious? 209 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,721 No, not leprosy. But there's something wrong. 210 00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,803 Did you never think how strange it was, 211 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,407 three priests living alone on an island? 212 00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:59,165 I suppose... 213 00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:02,643 Something's not right there. You're better off with us. 214 00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:05,599 Ted, could you tell me where the old... 215 00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:08,002 You know, the old... 216 00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:11,357 The old...is up the stairs and first on the left. 217 00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:12,601 Thank you. 218 00:12:14,007 --> 00:12:15,645 It's a wig. 219 00:12:16,807 --> 00:12:18,718 (Bell) 220 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,964 Time for a little nightcap. 221 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:26,603 You're running out of sandwiches. I'll bring you in some more. 222 00:12:26,647 --> 00:12:28,877 I won't have a sherry, thank you. 223 00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:31,157 Don't be silly. Of course you will. 224 00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:34,404 - No. I shouldn't. - Go on, it'll help you sleep. 225 00:12:34,447 --> 00:12:36,324 No. You go ahead. 226 00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:39,757 Just a little drop. Just a teeny tiny bit. 227 00:12:39,807 --> 00:12:42,037 The day a little sherry hurts anyone 228 00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:45,796 is the day Ireland doesn't win the Eurovision Song Contest. 229 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,718 - Go on. - No, I shouldn't. 230 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:52,362 Go on. Go on, go on. 231 00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:55,796 Go on. Go on. 232 00:12:55,847 --> 00:13:00,875 Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. 233 00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:02,326 No. Seriously, I... 234 00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:06,440 Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, 235 00:13:06,487 --> 00:13:08,557 go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, 236 00:13:08,607 --> 00:13:10,404 GO ON! 237 00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:20,841 Oh, what a shower of bastards! 238 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,481 Lord, Ted, why did you give him a drink? 239 00:13:26,527 --> 00:13:28,563 I didn't know this would happen. 240 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,565 That's why they sacked him from that programme. 241 00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:35,282 He's a terrible alcoholic. He's been on the wagon for a year. 242 00:13:35,327 --> 00:13:37,966 - Oh, God, Ted. - How was I supposed to know? 243 00:13:38,007 --> 00:13:41,886 Sack me? Sack me! 244 00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:44,885 I made the BBC! 245 00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:46,724 (Sobs ) 246 00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,964 I made it. 247 00:13:50,487 --> 00:13:53,285 Maybe if you have a rest you'll feel better. 248 00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:56,558 Get away from me! Priest! 249 00:13:56,607 --> 00:13:58,438 I think it's time we got to bed. 250 00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:02,076 Good man. There's never anything on. 251 00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:05,005 - I'll give it a kick myself. - You want a fight? 252 00:14:05,047 --> 00:14:07,322 I'd love a bit of a scrap but... 253 00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,801 - Bloody priests! - (Laughs ) 254 00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:12,680 Bloody sanctimonious scumbags! 255 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:16,276 - Absolutely. - Made my life a bloody misery. 256 00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:20,366 Sorry about that. Are you sure you wouldn't like to go to bed? 257 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,523 Maybe we could stay up a bit longer. 258 00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:25,445 I'm fed up with you bastards! 259 00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:29,765 I'm getting out of here. Don't you try and stop me. 260 00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:31,320 Aaaaaaah! 261 00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:35,598 It's true what they say though, 262 00:14:35,647 --> 00:14:39,560 you should never meet your heroes, you'll only be disappointed. 263 00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:46,804 Imagine we couldn't get him back. He'd be like Big Foot, 264 00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:49,566 except he'd be a BBC television presenter. 265 00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:51,245 Do you see him? 266 00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:53,721 There, by the trees. 267 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,924 Got him. 268 00:14:58,287 --> 00:15:00,084 There he is. 269 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,445 - Terribly sorry about this. - No problem. 270 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,605 I've been through it before. Actors, television personalities - 271 00:15:08,647 --> 00:15:12,435 they go off drink and drugs and come over to places like this. 272 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:16,082 The solitude can get to them. What happened to this fella? 273 00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:19,278 He was fine one minute, then he took a sip of sherry. 274 00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:22,683 Relapse, that's when they're most dangerous. Ready? 275 00:15:22,727 --> 00:15:25,639 I want you to bang these together and shout. 276 00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:29,362 That'll scare him out of the woods so I can get a clear shot. 277 00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:32,205 - You're shooting him? - Tranquilliser dart. 278 00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:35,239 - It'll put him to sleep. - It seems a bit extreme. 279 00:15:35,287 --> 00:15:38,324 It's the best way, Father. Believe me. 280 00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:40,358 You know best. 281 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,279 God, this reminds me of Vietnam. 282 00:15:44,327 --> 00:15:47,842 - Were you in Vietnam? - No, no. You know, the films. 283 00:15:47,887 --> 00:15:49,479 All right. Let's go. 284 00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,398 Come on Henry. 285 00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,085 Out you come. There. 286 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:57,435 Got him. 287 00:15:58,047 --> 00:15:59,366 (Gunshot) 288 00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:01,796 It's Jack. 289 00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:07,925 I've got a clear shot of him, Father. Do you want me to get him? 290 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,764 No. Let him go. 291 00:16:09,807 --> 00:16:12,799 - He'll make his own way back. - Look at him go. 292 00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:19,523 Beautiful. 293 00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:22,320 Oh, my God. My head. 294 00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,325 There you are, Henry, a nice cup of tea. 295 00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,483 What? Oh, my God. 296 00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:30,087 Where am I? What happened last night? 297 00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,687 I remember having a sip of sherry, but... 298 00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,206 Nothing to worry about. 299 00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:36,636 I hope I didn't do anything to embarrass you. 300 00:16:36,687 --> 00:16:38,166 (Giggles ) 301 00:16:38,887 --> 00:16:41,959 Dougal! No, you were fine, Henry. 302 00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:43,281 (Phone ) 303 00:16:43,327 --> 00:16:46,205 That'll be Father Byrne. I feel sorry for him, 304 00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:50,559 marooned with those idiots, and they've nothing in common. 305 00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,598 ..nothing in common. Hello. 306 00:16:52,647 --> 00:16:55,684 - Hello, Dick. - Ted, we were talking about you. 307 00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:58,036 - Really? - Saying you great you were. 308 00:16:58,087 --> 00:17:00,920 - Really? - No! 309 00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,605 Hilarious, Dick. 310 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,798 - Are you going to turn up tonight? - Why wouldn't I? 311 00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:09,806 Well, it might be a little embarrassing to come last again. 312 00:17:09,847 --> 00:17:13,476 We won't come last, it's you who'll be coming last. 313 00:17:13,527 --> 00:17:16,963 In fact, I thought we might have a little bet on tonight. 314 00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:19,282 Put your money where your mouth is. 315 00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:21,557 What are we talking? A pound? Two? 316 00:17:23,687 --> 00:17:25,086 Five pounds. 317 00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:27,681 Five pounds? 318 00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:30,161 What's the matter, Dick? You scared? 319 00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:33,597 Of course not. Five pounds it is. See you tonight. 320 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:38,521 Well, I'd better go and get meself cleaned up for tonight. 321 00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:43,118 Brush me teeth... I've a very strange taste of raw meat in my mouth. 322 00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:46,523 - I don't know why. - Right you are, Henry. 323 00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:51,925 Five pounds, I must be insane. We haven't a hope in hell. 324 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,083 Why can't we all go as Elvis? 325 00:17:54,127 --> 00:17:56,118 Because we all look the same. 326 00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:58,965 Anyway, Jack'll be in any moment for his drink. 327 00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:00,360 (Glass smashes ) 328 00:18:00,407 --> 00:18:02,238 (Jack) Drink! 329 00:18:02,287 --> 00:18:04,437 There he goes, bang on time. 330 00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:09,156 God, Ted. He looks very rough. 331 00:18:09,207 --> 00:18:11,960 We'll have to get him sober before the contest. 332 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:14,396 No, Dougal. Wait. Leave him. 333 00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,517 I have an idea. 334 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,119 (Discordant guitar) 335 00:18:25,927 --> 00:18:28,646 # Ziggy played 336 00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:33,726 # Guitar # 337 00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:36,837 (Scraping) 338 00:18:39,567 --> 00:18:40,966 (Cheering) 339 00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:43,123 (Whistling) 340 00:18:44,327 --> 00:18:49,526 Fantastic, Father Harry Coyle there. You know, he looks a bit like... 341 00:18:50,967 --> 00:18:53,845 He won't mind me telling you this now... 342 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:59,326 Ah, no. Anyway, Henry, marks for Father Coyle. 343 00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:03,201 Very good. I'll give him seven out of ten. 344 00:19:03,247 --> 00:19:04,805 Bastard. 345 00:19:04,847 --> 00:19:06,883 Not bad at all! 346 00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:10,636 Ziggy played guitar. 347 00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:14,202 That means the lads from Rugged Island are still in the lead 348 00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:16,044 with nine out of ten. 349 00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:19,875 So a big hand for Diana Ross and two of the Supremes. 350 00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,326 (Applause ) 351 00:19:23,847 --> 00:19:25,678 Don't start celebrating yet. 352 00:19:25,727 --> 00:19:28,082 Remember we've got one more act to go. 353 00:19:28,127 --> 00:19:30,766 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... 354 00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:34,038 (Laughing) on to the stage... 355 00:19:34,087 --> 00:19:35,679 the lads... 356 00:19:35,727 --> 00:19:37,718 (Laughing) 357 00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:43,160 Father Ted Crilly with Father McGuire and Father Hackett! 358 00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:45,004 (Cheering) 359 00:19:46,847 --> 00:19:50,681 (Ted) 'Elvis Presley was a simple truck-driver from America. 360 00:19:50,727 --> 00:19:54,197 'But one day in the 1950s, he invented rock and roll!' 361 00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:55,922 # Dum do bee dum 362 00:19:56,287 --> 00:19:57,959 # Dum do do bee dum 363 00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:00,046 # Dum do bee dum 364 00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:01,876 # Dum do bee dum 365 00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:03,765 # Dum do bee dum 366 00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:05,686 # Dum do bee dum 367 00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:07,605 # Dum do bee dum 368 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,486 # Dum do bee dum 369 00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:13,403 # Oooooh 370 00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:16,917 # Oh oooooh 371 00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:18,596 # Dum do bee dum 372 00:20:19,047 --> 00:20:20,958 # Dum do bee doo 373 00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:24,483 # Do bee doo doo # 374 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,483 Thank you very much. 375 00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:27,721 (Laughter) 376 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:31,646 (Ted) 'Elvis became famous, then they forced him into the army. 377 00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:36,761 'Then he came out and ten years later came back with the comeback special.' 378 00:20:36,807 --> 00:20:38,798 ( # Rock and roll) 379 00:20:57,287 --> 00:20:59,164 (Ted) 'Elvis was back. 380 00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:02,244 'From then until his death he played in Las Vegas 381 00:21:02,287 --> 00:21:05,279 'and became once again the king of rock and roll.' 382 00:21:06,607 --> 00:21:08,757 (Choral music) 383 00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:22,115 (Ted) 'Ladies and gentlemen, that was the three ages of Elvis. 384 00:21:22,167 --> 00:21:23,964 'Thank you.' 385 00:21:24,007 --> 00:21:25,440 (Cheering) 386 00:21:29,767 --> 00:21:33,396 Fantastic! Lord God Almighty! 387 00:21:33,447 --> 00:21:35,005 Three Elvises! 388 00:21:35,047 --> 00:21:38,164 (Laughs ) Well, Henry, over to you 389 00:21:38,207 --> 00:21:39,720 for the final marks. 390 00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:41,166 (Drum roll) 391 00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:44,115 (Cheering) 392 00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:59,042 Brilliant, Ted. It was fantastic. 393 00:21:59,087 --> 00:22:00,440 (Laughs ) 394 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,239 Thanks very much, Barty. 395 00:22:04,287 --> 00:22:07,120 - Five pounds, Ted. - Hard luck, Dick. 396 00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,000 - Did we not win? - No, you didn't win, Cyril. 397 00:22:10,047 --> 00:22:13,596 This year the trophy goes to Craggy Island. 398 00:22:13,647 --> 00:22:16,286 You've every chance of winning next year. 399 00:22:16,327 --> 00:22:18,841 - Really? - No! 400 00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:21,117 Come on, Cyril. Let's go home. 401 00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,123 I'm out of fecking whiskey! 402 00:22:24,167 --> 00:22:26,886 There's plenty of whiskey at home, Father. 403 00:22:28,127 --> 00:22:30,482 That Cyril MacDuff's an awful idiot. 404 00:22:30,527 --> 00:22:32,040 Here we are now. 405 00:22:32,087 --> 00:22:34,920 Since I didn't make a fool of meself last time, 406 00:22:34,967 --> 00:22:38,039 I might as well have a glass of Champagne, cheers. 407 00:22:38,087 --> 00:22:40,043 Henry, no! 408 00:22:40,087 --> 00:22:45,366 Don't worry, Father. If I can't celebrate tonight, sure when can I? 409 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:50,356 The bastards! What the hell is going on? How dare they do this to me? 410 00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:53,877 How dare they sack me? I'm Henry Sellers! 411 00:22:53,927 --> 00:22:57,886 I'm Henry Selleeeeeers! 412 00:22:57,927 --> 00:23:01,124 - Well, there he goes again. - You're right there. 413 00:23:01,167 --> 00:23:05,160 Never mind. We'll look for him in the morning. Anyway, well done. 414 00:23:05,207 --> 00:23:09,200 - What do you think of the trophy? - It's great. All because of you. 415 00:23:09,247 --> 00:23:11,044 Put it there, Dougal. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net