1 00:00:00,767 --> 00:00:02,325 (Silence ) 2 00:00:05,727 --> 00:00:07,445 ..eck! Arse. 3 00:00:07,487 --> 00:00:10,797 - These do work. - You're right there, Ted. 4 00:00:10,847 --> 00:00:13,486 Feck! Arse! Feck! 5 00:00:13,527 --> 00:00:15,085 (Silence ) 6 00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:44,399 (Helicopter) 7 00:00:46,007 --> 00:00:47,406 (Crash) 8 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:11,045 (Sighs ) 9 00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,566 So, you're a nun? 10 00:01:17,607 --> 00:01:20,519 Right, Sister Monica. I've left your bags in the hall. 11 00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:23,286 I thought you might like to see the Holy Stone. 12 00:01:23,327 --> 00:01:26,080 - The what? - The Holy Stone of Clonrichert. 13 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,925 - Great! - One of the holiest rocks in Europe. 14 00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:30,958 You can get souvenir combs. 15 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,682 They're fantastic. I got one last year. They've written, 16 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:38,003 "I saw the Holy Stone of Clonrichert." 17 00:01:38,047 --> 00:01:42,245 The Stone is great. We've seen it I think, about 300 times. 18 00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:44,755 Why not? It would round off the weekend. 19 00:01:44,807 --> 00:01:47,924 If you thought the ludo night was exciting... 20 00:01:47,967 --> 00:01:50,356 this'll drive you right over the edge. 21 00:01:50,407 --> 00:01:52,875 It's all been leading up to the Holy Stone. 22 00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:55,316 What's so holy about it, Father? 23 00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:56,846 It's a general holiness. 24 00:01:56,887 --> 00:01:59,606 Father Dougal stood beside it for ten minutes 25 00:01:59,647 --> 00:02:01,763 and got a great sense of serenity. 26 00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:04,526 Yes, I got a great buzz off it. 27 00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:07,127 Why is it called the Holy Stone of Clonrichert? 28 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:09,727 I thought Clonrichert was in Fermanagh. 29 00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:12,884 It is. The Holy Stone was up there. 30 00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:15,157 But it wasn't doing great business. 31 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:20,758 - So, treat in store for you. - Wonderful. That'll be wonderful. 32 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,798 I'll just go and freshen up. 33 00:02:28,207 --> 00:02:30,846 She'll be putting on make-up, I suppose. 34 00:02:32,087 --> 00:02:34,078 Impress the lads, huh? 35 00:02:35,327 --> 00:02:38,319 Ah, no. She's probably just going to the toilet. 36 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,164 Aren't nuns great? 37 00:02:40,207 --> 00:02:43,722 You don't feel as nervous with them as you do with real women. 38 00:02:46,247 --> 00:02:48,044 You're right there. 39 00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:52,365 I just got the courage to talk to her, but it's nice having her around. 40 00:02:52,407 --> 00:02:55,524 Gives the place a bit of glamour. 41 00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,364 A woman's touch. 42 00:02:58,607 --> 00:03:03,237 Anyway, I'd better go and rouse Jack. Tell him we're off. 43 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,836 Ted says you were touching him. 44 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:30,163 Father Jack, you all right? Ready for another day? 45 00:03:30,207 --> 00:03:32,198 I'm off with Sister Monica. 46 00:03:32,247 --> 00:03:35,478 If the milkman calls, the money's under the statue of our Lord 47 00:03:35,527 --> 00:03:37,597 being embarrassed by the Romans. 48 00:03:37,647 --> 00:03:40,241 Would you like a cup of tea before I go? 49 00:03:41,207 --> 00:03:42,526 Morning, Father. 50 00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:45,127 (Ted) You won't mind us leaving you alone 51 00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:48,796 because Dougal got that new video for you, Reservoir Dogs. 52 00:03:49,847 --> 00:03:53,601 It's probably not as violent as the ones you usually like, 53 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,603 but sure give it a go. 54 00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:58,000 What are you doing? 55 00:03:58,047 --> 00:04:00,402 - This looks bad. - What? 56 00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:01,846 He's very drunk. 57 00:04:01,887 --> 00:04:06,005 all night. Where does he hide it? 58 00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:10,882 I haven't seen him this bad since he disappeared with Sister Imelda. 59 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,118 God, yes. The blue nun. 60 00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:19,203 - Oh, no, Ted. Look at this. - Oh, God. 61 00:04:19,247 --> 00:04:22,762 Hold this. Father, this is very bad. 62 00:04:22,807 --> 00:04:25,958 Do you not remember what the Windolene did to you? 63 00:04:26,007 --> 00:04:28,077 Father Jack, are you there? 64 00:04:28,127 --> 00:04:31,802 - Ted. - Imagine the damage polish would do. 65 00:04:31,847 --> 00:04:34,156 - Ted. - What is it? 66 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,323 I'm in tremendous pain, Ted. 67 00:04:37,887 --> 00:04:39,764 - Put it down then. - Oh. 68 00:04:39,807 --> 00:04:43,083 God, Dougal. Come on, get him under the arms. 69 00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:47,200 Come on, Father. We can't have Sister Monica seeing you like this. 70 00:04:47,247 --> 00:04:48,839 What's the matter? 71 00:04:48,887 --> 00:04:51,447 There you are. It's Father Jack's motor. 72 00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:53,796 Takes a while to start in the morning. 73 00:04:53,847 --> 00:04:56,600 - He doesn't look well. - (Chuckles ) He's grand. 74 00:04:56,647 --> 00:05:00,162 We're taking him on a trip to the toilet. Right, Father? 75 00:05:00,207 --> 00:05:03,995 Would you put him down in that chair and we'll have a look at him. 76 00:05:04,047 --> 00:05:06,083 He doesn't like to be fussed over. 77 00:05:06,127 --> 00:05:08,402 I think you should let me look at him. 78 00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:14,556 Holy Mother of God, he's dead. 79 00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:16,643 What's the problem there, Sister? 80 00:05:16,687 --> 00:05:21,283 Father Jack is dead! There's no pulse and he's stone cold. 81 00:05:21,327 --> 00:05:23,761 Come on, Father. You're not dead, are you? 82 00:05:23,807 --> 00:05:27,197 - He's very definitely dead. - The joke's over. 83 00:05:27,247 --> 00:05:29,442 He's gone. You should get help 84 00:05:29,487 --> 00:05:32,206 and Father Dougal can give the sacraments. 85 00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:34,078 Right, I'll call Dr Sinnott, 86 00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:37,756 but frankly I think you're making a big fuss about nothing. 87 00:05:48,087 --> 00:05:49,600 The last rites, Father. 88 00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:53,560 Oh, right. Yeah, of course. Shouldn't we wait for Ted? 89 00:05:53,607 --> 00:05:56,485 There's no need. 90 00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:58,757 No. Himself drank it last week. 91 00:06:00,607 --> 00:06:03,246 You wouldn't like to do the honours yourself? 92 00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:05,278 - What? - No, of course not. 93 00:06:05,327 --> 00:06:08,956 I suppose I'm wearing the trousers as far as this job goes. 94 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:12,085 Right. 95 00:06:14,887 --> 00:06:18,562 Well, we are gathered here today to join two people... 96 00:06:19,287 --> 00:06:21,084 Sorry, that's not it. 97 00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:25,884 Well, Father, best of luck. 98 00:06:28,047 --> 00:06:30,038 Oh, of course. There's more. 99 00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:32,237 Sorry I didn't see you off. 100 00:06:32,287 --> 00:06:36,121 Don't know if I should be talking to you down here or up there. 101 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:37,520 I'll look up there. 102 00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:40,638 Anyway, you're there now 103 00:06:40,687 --> 00:06:44,999 with our Lord and Stalin and Bob Marley and the rest of them... 104 00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:47,242 and of course my own parents. 105 00:06:47,287 --> 00:06:51,166 Actually I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to them. 106 00:06:51,207 --> 00:06:53,880 Hello, Mammy and, er, Daddy. 107 00:06:53,927 --> 00:06:55,918 Hope they're looking after you. 108 00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:58,322 The Latin, Father. 109 00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,244 Oh, right. Yeah. 110 00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:07,483 Totus tuus minimus canus, costa curta Baggio, Roberto... 111 00:07:10,327 --> 00:07:13,444 - Did you ring the doctor? - Right. It looks bad. 112 00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:17,082 I called Dr Sinnott, I gave him the symptoms over the phone 113 00:07:17,127 --> 00:07:19,687 and he said he's probably dead all right. 114 00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:22,195 The pulse not being there is bad enough, 115 00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:25,159 but the heart stopping is the real danger sign. 116 00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:27,641 That happened to my uncle and he was fine. 117 00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,723 His heart stopped? For how long? 118 00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:31,280 Er...a week. 119 00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:33,716 A week? And he was fine afterwards? 120 00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:37,726 Actually, no. Now I think of it, he died. 121 00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:49,080 I think it's absolutely great to see. 122 00:07:49,127 --> 00:07:52,881 I mean, the level of commitment amongst the African Church. 123 00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:55,521 You're bringing the faith to the people. 124 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,478 It's marvellous, isn't it? 125 00:07:57,527 --> 00:08:00,200 Sure I wouldn't know, I'm from Donegal. 126 00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:07,486 Will you have a sandwich, Father Cleary? 127 00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:12,078 - No, thanks, Mrs Doyle. I'm fine. - Have a try. They're diagonal. 128 00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:15,483 So I see. But no thanks, anyway. 129 00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:17,358 Go on. They're only small. 130 00:08:17,407 --> 00:08:20,160 - I'm fine. - Are you sure you won't have one? 131 00:08:20,207 --> 00:08:22,880 No thanks. I ate before I came out. 132 00:08:22,927 --> 00:08:26,317 - I could put one in a bag for later. - No, don't bother. 133 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,006 Here's a little bag you can bring one home in. 134 00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:31,038 - No, no. - Here's a bigger bag 135 00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:33,203 - to put the little bag in. - No. 136 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:36,000 You can eat it later or now. Whatever suits. 137 00:08:36,047 --> 00:08:37,605 Oh... 138 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,444 You'll have one now. 139 00:08:40,527 --> 00:08:42,563 Sure, I might as well. 140 00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,006 Mrs Doyle. 141 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,842 Father Mackey would like a sandwich. 142 00:08:47,887 --> 00:08:50,685 Father Mackey, will you have a sandwich? 143 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,556 I'm terribly sorry I'm late, Ted. 144 00:08:54,607 --> 00:08:57,917 The car. The car broke down. 145 00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,242 That's all right. Father Fay, how are you? 146 00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:02,642 (Mumbles ) 147 00:09:03,887 --> 00:09:05,479 He is. It was very quick. 148 00:09:05,527 --> 00:09:07,802 (Gibberish) 149 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,075 Yes, I suppose so. 150 00:09:09,127 --> 00:09:11,038 Oooo... Ee-ur...? 151 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:13,647 In New Zealand and a sister in South Africa. 152 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:19,239 Why him, Ted? Why is it always the good ones? 153 00:09:19,287 --> 00:09:21,517 You bastard! 154 00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:24,399 Father! 155 00:09:24,447 --> 00:09:27,325 He could've been Pope, Ted. 156 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:31,201 But the fecking Jesuits, they have it all tied up. 157 00:09:31,247 --> 00:09:33,522 - Yes. - Imagine, Ted. 158 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,558 A Polish Pope. 159 00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:37,882 It should've been Jack! 160 00:09:37,927 --> 00:09:41,363 But it's not what you know, is it? It's who you know. 161 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,119 It's sad, but look at him. He looks serene. 162 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:49,638 (Wails) Oh, God! No, no, no! 163 00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:52,520 No! He's dead, Ted. 164 00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:54,637 We'll never see him again. 165 00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:55,915 (Sobs ) 166 00:09:55,967 --> 00:09:59,516 - We'll see him in the next world. - Oh, yeah, sure. 167 00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:00,795 (Shouting) 168 00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:03,919 Oh, God. No. Get him down. 169 00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:05,685 Get him down. Get him down. 170 00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,797 (Shouting) 171 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,758 Feck off. 172 00:10:30,727 --> 00:10:32,604 Gimme lots of drink. 173 00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:34,797 Arse! Feck! Drink! 174 00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:37,998 Feck off. Ted, you big fool. 175 00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,046 What are you doing? 176 00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:44,045 You shouldn't be getting up to this nonsense. Up you get. 177 00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:46,885 We should leave his chair idle for a while. 178 00:10:46,927 --> 00:10:50,158 Would you look at that. Completely bald. 179 00:10:50,207 --> 00:10:52,118 Smooth as a baby's behind. 180 00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:53,725 You'd know about that. 181 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,647 - What? - You know, when you baptise them. 182 00:10:57,687 --> 00:11:01,566 Oh. Now, I'm going to give Sister Monica a lift. 183 00:11:01,607 --> 00:11:04,041 - Down to the boat. - Thank you, Father. 184 00:11:04,087 --> 00:11:08,638 It's the least we could do. You were always very good to Father Jack. 185 00:11:08,687 --> 00:11:12,282 Excuse me, Father Crilly, there's a woman here to see you. 186 00:11:12,327 --> 00:11:15,160 A woman, Mrs Doyle. I think you mean a nun. 187 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:18,279 Oh, no, no, no, no. It's a woman all right. 188 00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:21,285 A young woman...with a skirt. 189 00:11:21,327 --> 00:11:23,283 I'll be off then. 190 00:11:25,807 --> 00:11:27,843 - Hello, Father Crilly? - Yes. 191 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,526 I'm from Corless, Corless and Sweeney. 192 00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:32,319 We're fine for coal, thanks. 193 00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:35,325 No. It's nothing to do with coal. 194 00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:40,157 My name is Laura Sweeney. This must be Father McGuire. 195 00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:45,637 I think you both better sit down. I've got a shock for you. 196 00:11:45,687 --> 00:11:49,316 I want to assure you that was a routine relocation of funds. 197 00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:50,436 No, no. 198 00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:53,923 The money was resting in my account before... 199 00:11:53,967 --> 00:11:57,323 You don't understand. This is about Father Hackett. 200 00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:00,279 Please, sit down and I'll explain everything. 201 00:12:03,967 --> 00:12:08,006 It may come as a surprise for you that Father Hackett left a will. 202 00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:10,197 Did he? What does it say? 203 00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:12,841 Well, if I may... 204 00:12:12,887 --> 00:12:16,197 "I, Father Jack Hackett, being of sound mind and body..." 205 00:12:19,127 --> 00:12:20,321 Sorry. 206 00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:26,079 "..leave my entire fortune to Father Ted Crilly and Father Dougal McGuire 207 00:12:26,127 --> 00:12:29,039 "to be distributed equally amongst them and..." 208 00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:34,725 I'll be off now, then, Father. 209 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,566 I'll make the way to the boat myself, then. 210 00:12:39,607 --> 00:12:41,404 Yeah, yeah. 211 00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:45,527 - Bye, Fathers. - Yeah, bye. 212 00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:48,041 Listen, Dougal. 213 00:12:48,087 --> 00:12:50,237 Father Jack left us money. 214 00:12:50,287 --> 00:12:52,676 That's very nice of him. How much? 215 00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:54,240 Ha... 216 00:12:54,287 --> 00:12:57,006 Half... Half a million pounds. 217 00:12:58,047 --> 00:13:00,925 Half a million pounds each! 218 00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:02,764 No, between us. 219 00:13:07,607 --> 00:13:11,395 It's only a quarter of a million each, Ted. Ted. 220 00:13:11,447 --> 00:13:12,641 Ted? 221 00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:20,921 That's that. It looks like you're going to be very rich men. 222 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,002 Grand. 223 00:13:22,047 --> 00:13:26,245 There's one requirement, which I'm surprised you didn't discuss. 224 00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,642 - Oh? - When is the funeral again? 225 00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:32,202 Again? We haven't had the first one yet, so... 226 00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:36,638 No. Sorry, maybe I didn't make myself clear. 227 00:13:36,687 --> 00:13:39,042 - It's tomorrow morning. - Right. 228 00:13:39,087 --> 00:13:42,796 You know about Father Hackett's fear of being buried alive. 229 00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:46,283 There's no chance of that now. You know... He's dead. 230 00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:50,604 Oh, yes. That's why he wouldn't do confession. 231 00:13:50,647 --> 00:13:54,799 He didn't like enclosed spaces. But he also just didn't want to do it. 232 00:13:55,847 --> 00:13:59,442 Strangers telling you their sins. Who'd be bothered with that? 233 00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:03,321 Well, Father Hackett's fear was so great, 234 00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:07,883 he stipulated that you two must spend the night before the burial with him. 235 00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:12,079 Ok. That's the least we can do. We can discuss it with the solicitor. 236 00:14:13,087 --> 00:14:15,362 No, I am the solicitor. 237 00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:17,363 (Sniggers ) 238 00:14:18,807 --> 00:14:20,126 No, you're not. 239 00:14:21,287 --> 00:14:25,678 I'm sorry, I am a senior partner in Corless, Corless and Sweeney. 240 00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:27,718 Now, come on, now. 241 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:32,680 Just because we're from the island, you think you can have fun with us. 242 00:14:32,727 --> 00:14:34,046 I assure you... 243 00:14:34,087 --> 00:14:38,239 All right. The big thickos from the island. 244 00:14:38,287 --> 00:14:41,563 - But we're not as thick as we look. - No way, Jose. 245 00:14:41,607 --> 00:14:46,158 Wait a second! Why do you think I've been talking to you all this time? 246 00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:48,198 Look, you're a lovely girl, 247 00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:51,523 but I think we should talk to the solicitor. 248 00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:53,956 If you're a solicitor, I'm Boy George. 249 00:14:56,727 --> 00:15:00,083 # karma karma karma karma karma Chameleon 250 00:15:00,127 --> 00:15:02,277 # You come and go 251 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,518 # You come and go 252 00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,718 # karma karma karma karma Chameleon... # 253 00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,439 (Ted sighs ) 254 00:15:09,487 --> 00:15:12,604 - How's your head, Ted? - Not too bad. 255 00:15:12,647 --> 00:15:16,765 It's true what they say about career women. Very aggressive. 256 00:15:16,807 --> 00:15:19,446 - She was very aggressive. - The language! 257 00:15:19,487 --> 00:15:21,478 You wouldn't hear it from a docker. 258 00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:23,995 You would. They use very bad language. 259 00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:26,838 "Effing this" and "Effing that". 260 00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:28,843 It was worse. She was saying fu... 261 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,878 Now, Dougal! 262 00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:38,803 Who'd have thought Father Jack had half a million pounds? 263 00:15:38,847 --> 00:15:40,644 He never said a word about it. 264 00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:43,042 Lying in a bank account all these years. 265 00:15:43,087 --> 00:15:45,317 How did he get it in the first place? 266 00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:48,518 As far as I understand, he was just an astute saver. 267 00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:50,683 Tried to avoid giving money to charity, 268 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:53,366 he wouldn't wear trousers during summer, 269 00:15:53,407 --> 00:15:56,240 that saved a couple of bob in wear and tear. 270 00:15:56,287 --> 00:15:59,643 All sorts of savings all over the place. It all adds up. 271 00:16:00,847 --> 00:16:04,123 I suppose we only knew him in his twilight years. 272 00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:06,476 But I think we saw the best of him. 273 00:16:06,527 --> 00:16:09,997 The really lovely man. True knight of the Church. 274 00:16:10,047 --> 00:16:13,278 Gentle, lovely sense of humour. 275 00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:15,397 Patient, good-natured. 276 00:16:15,447 --> 00:16:17,483 Sorry, Ted. Who's this now? 277 00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:23,078 Who do you think I'd be talking about at this moment? 278 00:16:23,127 --> 00:16:25,322 I'm not sure. I didn't catch the start. 279 00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,166 Jack, of course. 280 00:16:28,207 --> 00:16:29,765 Oh, right. Yes. 281 00:16:29,807 --> 00:16:31,957 A great priest. 282 00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:35,242 First priest to denounce The Beatles. 283 00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:37,960 - Right. - He could see what they were up to. 284 00:16:39,287 --> 00:16:41,118 He loved children, of course. 285 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,361 He did, yes. 286 00:16:42,407 --> 00:16:44,398 They were terrified of him, though. 287 00:16:44,447 --> 00:16:46,881 He had that stick and he'd be waving it. 288 00:16:46,927 --> 00:16:49,157 Maybe they thought he'd hit them. 289 00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:51,437 I heard that when he was teaching 290 00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,876 he was a great believer in discipline. 291 00:16:53,927 --> 00:16:55,997 (Muttering) 292 00:16:58,647 --> 00:17:00,763 Would you say he was a good teacher? 293 00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:04,846 Friend of mine, Father Jimmy Rannable, studied under him. 294 00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,639 He told me once, 295 00:17:06,687 --> 00:17:10,362 no one, no one had such a huge effect on him as Father Jack. 296 00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,961 Jimmy Rannable. What happened to him? 297 00:17:14,007 --> 00:17:17,636 - Remember the Drumshanbo Massacre? - Yeah. 298 00:17:17,687 --> 00:17:20,155 - That was him. - Oh. 299 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,802 Another thing about Jack, he loved a bit of competition. 300 00:17:23,847 --> 00:17:26,042 He'd a great sense of fair play. 301 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,476 (Angelic choir) 302 00:17:36,287 --> 00:17:37,845 A great traditionalist. 303 00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:41,516 He didn't agree with the modern thinking within the Church. 304 00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:44,718 You'll burn for all eternity in hell! 305 00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:48,004 Hell! 306 00:17:49,887 --> 00:17:53,516 Funny, one moment you're here, the next moment... 307 00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:57,161 "And in the happy no-time of his sleeping 308 00:17:57,207 --> 00:18:00,085 "Death took him by the heart." 309 00:18:00,127 --> 00:18:04,325 You know, someone once said that life is but a thin sliver of light 310 00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,927 between two immensities of darkness. 311 00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:09,003 Makes you think. 312 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,038 Does, Ted. 313 00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:12,961 About what? 314 00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,807 About death, Dougal. About death. 315 00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:20,886 That's very morbid. What started you off thinking about death? 316 00:18:30,927 --> 00:18:34,158 Still, it's good we have this time with him. 317 00:18:34,207 --> 00:18:38,678 Maybe sometimes we weren't always as thoughtful as we could have been. 318 00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:41,799 At least now we're able to have this time with him. 319 00:18:41,847 --> 00:18:44,361 Treat him with the respect he deserves. 320 00:18:44,407 --> 00:18:46,557 You're right there, Ted. 321 00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:52,603 D'you fancy now a game of charades? 322 00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:56,356 - Yes, I think so! - Right so, you go first. 323 00:18:56,407 --> 00:18:59,046 Right. I'll start. 324 00:18:59,087 --> 00:19:01,157 I'll give you an easy one. 325 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,799 Fishing! 326 00:19:02,847 --> 00:19:04,360 Gone fishing. 327 00:19:04,967 --> 00:19:06,958 Boxing... One-handed boxing. 328 00:19:07,007 --> 00:19:10,238 - It's a film. - You're not supposed to tell me. 329 00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:15,960 Ok. 330 00:19:16,007 --> 00:19:17,440 Film. 331 00:19:19,447 --> 00:19:23,281 - One film. - One word. 332 00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:27,036 Come on, Ted. You're making it a bit too easy for me. 333 00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:29,362 I'm not an idiot, you know. One-word film. 334 00:19:29,407 --> 00:19:31,523 Can't be too many of them. Salem's Lot. 335 00:19:34,687 --> 00:19:36,279 Tongue. Mouth! Teeth! 336 00:19:36,327 --> 00:19:39,239 Is there a film called Tongue? Tom Tongue. 337 00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:42,006 Er... Tongue Fish. 338 00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:43,480 S-s-s-swim tongue. 339 00:19:43,527 --> 00:19:47,202 Er... Fish! Attack of the giant killing fish. 340 00:19:47,247 --> 00:19:48,965 Tongue Fish. The Deep. 341 00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,804 Piranha. Jaws 2. 342 00:19:52,247 --> 00:19:53,566 Close, then. 343 00:19:53,607 --> 00:19:55,404 Ghostbusters 2! 344 00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:59,362 Superman 2! No. 345 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,398 Batman Returns. 346 00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:03,085 You had it, it was Jaws! 347 00:20:03,127 --> 00:20:05,277 No, I had Jaws 2. It's different. 348 00:20:05,327 --> 00:20:07,795 It's very different. It's a different shark. 349 00:20:12,207 --> 00:20:14,437 Ted, are you still awake? 350 00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:19,083 - Yes, yes. - Just wanted to ask you a question. 351 00:20:19,127 --> 00:20:21,482 Not again, Dougal. 352 00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:24,917 Look, when a man and a lady are very much in love... 353 00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:26,605 No! 354 00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:30,162 No, I didn't want to ask that, Ted. 355 00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:33,324 I wanted to ask you, do you believe in an afterlife? 356 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,404 - Do I what? - Do you believe in an afterlife? 357 00:20:36,447 --> 00:20:38,438 Dougal, generally speaking, 358 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,116 priests tend to have a strong belief in the afterlife. 359 00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:44,317 I wish I had your faith, Ted. 360 00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:46,641 (Sighs ) 361 00:20:46,687 --> 00:20:49,326 Dougal, how did you get into the Church? 362 00:20:49,367 --> 00:20:52,803 Was it "collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest"? 363 00:20:56,567 --> 00:20:58,478 Ted? 364 00:20:58,527 --> 00:21:00,961 Dougal, please let me go to sleep. 365 00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:05,717 I was wondering, what are you gonna do with your share of the money? 366 00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:09,555 Well... Luckily, there are lots of charity organisations 367 00:21:09,607 --> 00:21:11,518 that are grateful for money. 368 00:21:11,567 --> 00:21:17,915 There's Concern, St Vincent de Paul, Food for Africa, Help the Aged. 369 00:21:17,967 --> 00:21:20,242 (Disco music) 370 00:21:26,447 --> 00:21:28,722 Maybe a few pounds for Comic Relief. 371 00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:31,759 So, some good will come from Father Jack's death. 372 00:21:31,807 --> 00:21:34,844 It's hard to believe he's gone, though, isn't it? 373 00:21:34,887 --> 00:21:37,037 You're right there. 374 00:21:39,487 --> 00:21:41,284 (Snoring) 375 00:21:42,247 --> 00:21:44,203 It's beginning to snow again. 376 00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:46,044 The flakes, silver and dark, 377 00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:48,999 are falling obliquely against the lamplight. 378 00:21:49,047 --> 00:21:51,800 It's probably snowing all over the island, 379 00:21:51,847 --> 00:21:55,078 on the central plain, on the treeless hills, 380 00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:57,402 falling softly upon the graveyards, 381 00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:59,722 upon the crosses and the headstones, 382 00:21:59,767 --> 00:22:01,883 upon all the living 383 00:22:01,927 --> 00:22:04,077 and the dead. 384 00:22:04,127 --> 00:22:06,118 Shut the feck up! 385 00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:08,600 Ted! What's wrong? 386 00:22:08,647 --> 00:22:11,525 Father Jack, did you see what happened? Ted? 387 00:22:12,687 --> 00:22:15,406 What happened, Father Jack? Wha... Ooooo! 388 00:22:18,687 --> 00:22:20,006 (Snores ) 389 00:22:22,447 --> 00:22:27,999 So, there he is, risen from the dead, like that fella ET. 390 00:22:31,327 --> 00:22:33,761 There's one thing that confuses me. 391 00:22:33,807 --> 00:22:36,560 - Yes? - Is Jack dead or what? 392 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,080 Apparently not. 393 00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:44,802 The floor polish brought about all the symptoms of death, 394 00:22:44,847 --> 00:22:49,284 such as no heartbeat, rigor mortis, decomposition, 395 00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:52,285 but he was lucky, the effects just wore off him. 396 00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:54,716 It's good to have him back, isn't it? 397 00:22:54,767 --> 00:22:55,916 Mmm. 398 00:22:55,967 --> 00:22:58,481 Who needs half a million pounds, anyway? 399 00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:03,041 Yes, our life is the spiritual life. 400 00:23:03,087 --> 00:23:04,964 (Disco music) 401 00:23:05,007 --> 00:23:09,637 But to be honest... I don't like talking about this, 402 00:23:09,687 --> 00:23:11,643 but it's only a matter of time. 403 00:23:11,687 --> 00:23:13,837 I mean, he's not a young man. 404 00:23:13,887 --> 00:23:18,085 And, you know, I suppose, when he's gone it won't be so bad. 405 00:23:19,407 --> 00:23:21,796 The money will be some comfort to us. 406 00:23:21,847 --> 00:23:23,439 That's something. 407 00:23:23,487 --> 00:23:25,921 Now, you'd better come to the shops. 408 00:23:25,967 --> 00:23:29,039 I want to buy some more floor polish. 409 00:23:29,087 --> 00:23:33,239 Maybe we should get a few different brands, just to try them out, like. 410 00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:36,085 Yes, we could leave them all round the house. 411 00:23:36,127 --> 00:23:40,325 Or we could leave them in Jack's room and ask him to keep an eye on them. 412 00:23:42,607 --> 00:23:44,245 Drink! 413 00:23:47,767 --> 00:23:48,995 Feck off! 414 00:24:19,247 --> 00:24:21,044 (Disco music) 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net