1 00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:40,238 Now, Tom, this is the first time you've been trusted 2 00:00:40,328 --> 00:00:42,999 with such a large consignment of raw sewage. 3 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:47,201 - Are you sure you'll be all right? - Don't worry about me at all. 4 00:00:47,283 --> 00:00:51,510 This button opens the doors and this one shoots the sewage out. 5 00:00:51,598 --> 00:00:54,713 (Tom ) This for the doors and this shoots the stuff out? 6 00:00:54,796 --> 00:00:57,944 - No, the other way around. - Right you are! 7 00:00:59,152 --> 00:01:00,903 Good luck, so. 8 00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:19,086 July the 19th. Why does that strike me as important? 9 00:01:19,175 --> 00:01:20,812 Yes! 10 00:01:20,894 --> 00:01:24,770 July 19th? I wouldn't know, Ted, you big bollocks. 11 00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:31,159 I'm sorry? 12 00:01:31,245 --> 00:01:34,599 I said I wouldn't know, Ted, you big bollocks. 13 00:01:36,841 --> 00:01:40,877 Have you been reading those Roddy Doyle books again, Dougal? 14 00:01:42,396 --> 00:01:45,226 I have, yeah, Ted, you big gobshite. 15 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,780 That's all very well. But remember, they're just stories. 16 00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:51,826 Normal people like us don't use that language. 17 00:01:51,908 --> 00:01:55,739 - This is the real world. - Oh, you're right there, Ted. 18 00:01:56,824 --> 00:02:00,416 Anyway, any idea why July the 19th should be so important? 19 00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:03,172 Would that be the day the Ice Age ended? 20 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,731 No, Dougal! 21 00:02:07,815 --> 00:02:10,485 They can't be that precise about the Ice Age. 22 00:02:10,572 --> 00:02:12,606 I'll look it up in the diary. 23 00:02:16,088 --> 00:02:20,760 July 19th. "On this day, Galway liberated from Indians... 24 00:02:23,082 --> 00:02:25,150 "Marathon becomes Snickers"... 25 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,392 A-ha, Ted! "Ice Age ends." 26 00:02:33,674 --> 00:02:35,389 Time for tea, Fathers. 27 00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:38,541 Mrs Doyle, is anything important about July the 19th? 28 00:02:38,629 --> 00:02:41,095 It doesn't matter what day it is, Father, 29 00:02:41,186 --> 00:02:44,142 there's always time for a nice cup of tea. 30 00:02:44,224 --> 00:02:48,214 Didn't our Lord Himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea 31 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,688 before giving Himself up for the world? 32 00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,449 No, He didn't, Mrs Doyle! 33 00:02:52,537 --> 00:02:55,845 Whatever equivalent they had for tea in those days - 34 00:02:55,935 --> 00:02:57,889 cake or whatever. 35 00:02:57,973 --> 00:03:00,928 And speaking of cake... I have cake. 36 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:02,646 I'm fine for cake, Mrs Doyle. 37 00:03:02,728 --> 00:03:04,843 Are you sure, Father? 38 00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:06,995 There's cocaine in it. 39 00:03:08,684 --> 00:03:10,593 There's what?! 40 00:03:10,682 --> 00:03:13,830 Oh, no, not cocaine. What am I on about? 41 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,670 No, I meant... What do you call them? 42 00:03:16,757 --> 00:03:18,633 Raisins. 43 00:03:18,715 --> 00:03:22,422 Right. I won't, thanks. 44 00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:24,820 Ah, you will. 45 00:03:24,911 --> 00:03:28,297 Sure, it's only small. It's just a tiny little cake. 46 00:03:28,387 --> 00:03:31,740 You won't feel it. You won't even know you're eatin' it. 47 00:03:31,824 --> 00:03:34,461 No, I will know I'm eating it, Mrs Doyle. 48 00:03:34,542 --> 00:03:36,815 No, you won't! Look at the size of it! 49 00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:40,173 It's hardly even a cake. It's a micro-cake. 50 00:03:40,257 --> 00:03:43,327 - No, Mrs Doyle, I really won't... - Aw, come on now. 51 00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:45,324 It's got raisins... 52 00:03:45,413 --> 00:03:47,368 cherries...cinnamon! 53 00:03:47,452 --> 00:03:49,247 - Cinnamon? - Oh, yes. 54 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,716 I do love cinnamon. What the heck, I'll have one. 55 00:03:52,806 --> 00:03:53,999 Great! 56 00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:56,961 No. No, Father, I'm forcing you. 57 00:03:57,043 --> 00:03:59,874 No, you're not. Really! 58 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,348 - I love cinnamon. - No, no, you're just being polite. 59 00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:07,030 If you don't want any, all you have to do is say "no". 60 00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:09,388 Just that one little word, "no". 61 00:04:09,473 --> 00:04:13,860 It's a lovely word our Lord gave us to use when we don't want any cake. 62 00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:17,144 Yes, but just this once, I'd actually love some cake. 63 00:04:17,227 --> 00:04:19,135 Well, you can't have any! 64 00:04:19,224 --> 00:04:20,736 I want cake! 65 00:04:20,823 --> 00:04:24,210 No, I'm just going out to have these destroyed. 66 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,210 Sorry about that, Father. 67 00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,933 Anyway, this date thing is bothering me now. 68 00:04:31,015 --> 00:04:34,482 July the 19th. Is there something we always do on July 19th? 69 00:04:34,572 --> 00:04:37,038 - (Crashing) - (Jack) Drink! 70 00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:41,045 - Is it something to do with Jack? - Maybe it's... 71 00:04:41,127 --> 00:04:44,513 - Oh, God, it's not his bath?! - Oh, no, it couldn't be! 72 00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:47,478 No, wait! Calm down! He's just had his bath! 73 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,675 Remember? Just before Christmas. 74 00:04:49,759 --> 00:04:53,192 Oh, thank God for that! God Almighty! 75 00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:56,829 - You Ok? - I think so. 76 00:04:58,032 --> 00:04:59,783 So what could it be? 77 00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:05,864 A-ha! Holiday. 78 00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:13,452 (Ted) Come on, Dougal. Better get moving. 79 00:05:16,336 --> 00:05:18,053 Where'll be go on holiday, Ted? 80 00:05:18,135 --> 00:05:20,966 - God, I don't know. - Pearson's? 81 00:05:21,053 --> 00:05:25,520 Mr Pearson doesn't like people staying. It's not a guesthouse. 82 00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:27,837 - Is it not? - No, no. 83 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:32,042 Remember the argument last year when we tried to stay the second week? 84 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:36,556 Wait! Father O'Rourke's caravan! He said we could use it anytime. 85 00:05:36,639 --> 00:05:39,549 Oh, no, Ted, not again! It's very small. 86 00:05:39,637 --> 00:05:43,865 No, he got a new one. Apparently it's twice as big. Let's go! 87 00:05:48,789 --> 00:05:53,064 - He said it's the one at the end. - There it is! Look! It's HUGE! 88 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,021 Calm down. We're here, Father. 89 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,456 (Jack) Feck off. 90 00:05:56,543 --> 00:06:00,419 I think it's the best caravan in the whole world. 91 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,932 Dougal? 92 00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:06,054 Where's the trailer with all the stuff in it? 93 00:06:09,852 --> 00:06:13,239 Next you'll tell me you didn't lock the front door! 94 00:06:14,568 --> 00:06:16,841 Ah, Ted, come on... 95 00:06:16,926 --> 00:06:18,199 Drink! 96 00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:20,433 In a minute, Father, I promise you. 97 00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:23,956 This is great, isn't it, Ted? Telly and all. 98 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,109 This is what it's all about. 99 00:06:26,199 --> 00:06:28,948 (Woman ) Wait a second! You've got to do my back! 100 00:06:29,035 --> 00:06:33,071 (Man ) I'm wrinklin' like a raisin in there. I'll be back in a sec. 101 00:06:50,058 --> 00:06:51,854 Father Ted Crilly, 102 00:06:51,937 --> 00:06:57,052 Craggy Island Parochial House, Craggy Island. 103 00:06:57,132 --> 00:07:00,280 That's C-R-A-G-G-Y Island. 104 00:07:01,368 --> 00:07:04,517 Honestly, Officer, I can't apologise enough... 105 00:07:04,606 --> 00:07:07,072 God, that was so embarrassing! 106 00:07:07,164 --> 00:07:09,801 Ted, if that's not our one, which one is? 107 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,991 (Door creaks) 108 00:07:18,395 --> 00:07:22,020 Sure, this is great. And it is bigger than last year's one. 109 00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:26,463 What'll we do first, Ted? 110 00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,540 We'll take it easy for a while, 111 00:07:29,625 --> 00:07:32,342 just get settled into the old caravan. 112 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,458 Right, that's enough of that. 113 00:07:38,538 --> 00:07:39,811 Where'll we go? 114 00:07:39,897 --> 00:07:41,965 Here's a booklet, Ted. 115 00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:44,009 Places of interest. 116 00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:48,523 St kevin's Stump... Mmm, that sounds good. 117 00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:50,677 The Magic Road! Oh-ho! 118 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,918 Two places of interest. 119 00:07:55,004 --> 00:07:56,560 What's the Magic Road, Ted? 120 00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,188 A bizarre natural wonder where everything's gone haywire 121 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,189 and nothing works like it should. 122 00:08:02,278 --> 00:08:05,631 A bit like you, Dougal. Except it's a road. 123 00:08:05,715 --> 00:08:08,784 I still don't understand. It's a kind of a mad road? 124 00:08:08,872 --> 00:08:10,827 It's called a strange phenomenon. 125 00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:14,138 If you took off a car's hand-brake, it'd roll UP-hill. 126 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,545 And water flows UP it. 127 00:08:15,626 --> 00:08:19,582 That's as mad as what you told me about the loaves and fishes! 128 00:08:19,663 --> 00:08:22,414 No, Dougal. That's not mad. 129 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,376 That's when our Lord got one or two bits of food 130 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:28,414 and turned it into a whole pile of food for dinner. 131 00:08:28,496 --> 00:08:31,054 God, He was fantastic, wasn't He? 132 00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,327 Ah, He was brilliant. 133 00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:37,447 - Father, have any preferences? - HOLIDAY! 134 00:08:37,529 --> 00:08:40,562 Yes, we're on holiday. Would you like to go anywhere? 135 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,715 - WHAT? - Would you like to go somewhere? 136 00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:45,996 WHO ARE YOU? 137 00:08:46,081 --> 00:08:50,514 I was asking, would you like to go somewhere now that we're here? 138 00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:53,507 - Perhaps for a lovely walk? - I LIkE CAkE! 139 00:08:53,595 --> 00:08:57,948 Yes, I think I'll just stop talking to Father Jack now. 140 00:08:58,031 --> 00:09:01,338 Where am I? What's that thing there? 141 00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:03,383 Are those my feet? 142 00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:07,773 Let's get him to sleep and head off ourselves. 143 00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:10,328 Ok, Father...into your box. 144 00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:14,330 Drink! Arse! Girls! 145 00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:16,054 Dri... (Snoring) 146 00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:21,164 Let's go and look for the Magic Road. The holiday starts here! 147 00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:29,520 Come on, let's play Scrabble. 148 00:09:29,605 --> 00:09:32,275 Did you bring the travel Scrabble? 149 00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:36,113 I brought the normal Scrabble AND the travel Scrabble. 150 00:09:36,199 --> 00:09:40,074 Travel Scrabble for travelling and the normal for when we arrived. 151 00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:41,633 Good man. 152 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:46,579 Ah, no, now that I think of it, I didn't bring either of them. 153 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,626 - Right. - God, I'm an awful eejit. 154 00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:54,220 So...what do we do for the next two weeks? 155 00:09:54,304 --> 00:09:56,258 Will I put on the kettle? 156 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:58,012 Yeah, go on. 157 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,089 (kettle hums) 158 00:10:02,457 --> 00:10:05,969 Must be one of the ones that clicks off automatically. 159 00:10:06,054 --> 00:10:07,202 Yes... 160 00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:10,281 Bit of steam there. 161 00:10:11,329 --> 00:10:14,080 Incidentally, did you bring any teabags? 162 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,724 No. 163 00:10:16,605 --> 00:10:17,878 Right! 164 00:10:21,441 --> 00:10:23,191 (kettle clicks off) 165 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:25,427 kettle's boiled there, Ted. 166 00:10:25,517 --> 00:10:26,585 Hmm, yeah. 167 00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:29,871 Will I put more water in and turn it on again? 168 00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:34,228 No, I liked it best the first time. 169 00:10:36,149 --> 00:10:40,297 Maybe we could turn it on with no water at all, see what happens. 170 00:10:40,385 --> 00:10:43,534 I don't think you should do that. It would just blow up. 171 00:10:43,623 --> 00:10:47,658 You'd be picking lumps of metal out of your face for a year. 172 00:10:47,739 --> 00:10:51,012 You'd have puffy fish lips bigger than your face. 173 00:10:52,095 --> 00:10:53,493 Like Father Bigley. 174 00:10:53,574 --> 00:10:56,245 Exactly like Father Bigley. 175 00:10:56,332 --> 00:10:58,798 Maybe that's what happened to him. 176 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:04,633 96...97... 177 00:11:04,725 --> 00:11:07,839 98...99... 178 00:11:07,922 --> 00:11:11,196 100! Coming... 179 00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,592 ..ready or not. 180 00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:20,826 - Found you. - Ahh! 181 00:11:20,911 --> 00:11:22,661 It's your go. 182 00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:27,579 One...two... 183 00:11:27,665 --> 00:11:31,133 three...four... 184 00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,177 five...six... 185 00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:38,730 Ok, one last time. 186 00:11:38,817 --> 00:11:41,611 These are small, 187 00:11:41,693 --> 00:11:45,081 but the ones out there are far away. 188 00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,398 Small... 189 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,597 ..far away. 190 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,957 Ah, forget it! 191 00:12:08,471 --> 00:12:11,824 Ted, you know how your eyes sometimes play tricks on you? 192 00:12:14,546 --> 00:12:17,933 - I know! Father Larry Duff! - Ah, Larry! 193 00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:21,695 He sometimes comes around this area. He's tremendous fun. 194 00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:25,133 I'll call him on his mobile phone. I got him one for Christmas. 195 00:12:25,217 --> 00:12:27,934 He's always complaining that nobody rings him. 196 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,243 (Humming cheerfully) 197 00:12:31,732 --> 00:12:33,879 (Ringing) 198 00:12:35,568 --> 00:12:36,716 AHHHHHH! 199 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,109 Must have it switched off. 200 00:12:54,913 --> 00:12:57,345 Why's it called St kevin's Stump? 201 00:12:59,548 --> 00:13:01,502 It doesn't say. 202 00:13:04,824 --> 00:13:07,461 So is this what all holidays are like, Ted? 203 00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:09,371 Actually...yeah. 204 00:13:09,460 --> 00:13:11,494 Anyway, we'd better get back to Jack. 205 00:13:11,578 --> 00:13:13,568 He said he'd stay put by the cliffs. 206 00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:15,611 (Snoring) 207 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,764 Drink! 208 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:28,723 Drink! Drink! Drink! 209 00:13:30,202 --> 00:13:33,317 Can we go over to the rock and back, Ted? 210 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,275 Well... 211 00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:38,871 Come on, Ted, we're on holidays. Live a little. 212 00:13:38,955 --> 00:13:41,263 All right, but then back to Jack. 213 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,183 Drink! Drink! 214 00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:45,830 Dri-i-i-i-i-i...! 215 00:13:47,109 --> 00:13:48,826 (Thud) 216 00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:52,699 Well, here we are. 217 00:13:54,262 --> 00:13:56,252 Will we go over to that fence now? 218 00:13:56,341 --> 00:13:58,898 No, we might just blow up with excitement. 219 00:13:58,978 --> 00:14:01,444 Let's save something for next week. 220 00:14:07,532 --> 00:14:09,486 (Woman moaning) 221 00:14:22,239 --> 00:14:24,546 Father Ted Crilly, 222 00:14:24,637 --> 00:14:27,229 Craggy Island Parochial House... 223 00:14:27,315 --> 00:14:29,873 C-R... Sure, you know all that. 224 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,545 Listen, you know the business of reporting missing persons? 225 00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:35,028 I've heard of it, yes. 226 00:14:35,109 --> 00:14:37,700 Does it cost money to report a missing person? 227 00:14:37,786 --> 00:14:39,537 - No. - Great. 228 00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:42,738 We've lost one of our party - Father Jack Hackett. 229 00:14:42,821 --> 00:14:44,890 God, how would you describe him? 230 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:47,094 - Mid-fifties... - To mid-eighties. 231 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,167 Tremendous smell of vegetables. 232 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,722 - Angry. Very angry man. - Hates children. 233 00:14:51,814 --> 00:14:53,565 Likes the odd drink. 234 00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:57,643 And don't come up on him from behind, he won't like that at all. 235 00:14:57,729 --> 00:15:01,958 One thing - do you carry those electric stunner gadgets? 236 00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:05,240 - No. Why? - Oh, no reason. 237 00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:07,915 Right, anything else I can do while I'm here? 238 00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:11,115 Want to confess to any unsolved murders or anything? 239 00:15:11,198 --> 00:15:14,028 No, we're fine for the old... unsolved murders. 240 00:15:14,115 --> 00:15:16,832 Some holiday this is turning out to be! 241 00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:20,789 Come on. Now Jack's gone, there'll be more room in the caravan. 242 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:24,177 # Ebony and ivory 243 00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:28,018 # Live together in perfect harmony 244 00:15:28,104 --> 00:15:31,219 # Side by side on my piano keyboard 245 00:15:31,302 --> 00:15:34,574 # Oh, Lord, why can't we-e-e-e # 246 00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:36,806 - Ted! - Hello, Noel. 247 00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:38,408 What are you doing here? 248 00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:40,927 Well, this is our caravan... 249 00:15:41,013 --> 00:15:44,286 - Father O'Rourke offered it to us! - Yes, so I see. 250 00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:45,927 He must say it to everyone. 251 00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:48,840 Room for two more in the St Luke's Youth Group? 252 00:15:48,926 --> 00:15:50,438 - (Groan ) - Motion passed! 253 00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:53,958 Sit down and we'll have a song. Will you sing one, Ted? 254 00:15:54,042 --> 00:15:55,633 No, I won't, thanks... 255 00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:58,949 You've a lovely voice! Very like Celine Dion! 256 00:16:01,116 --> 00:16:04,469 We can dance, then! Tony, stick on the Riverdance album! 257 00:16:04,553 --> 00:16:08,986 Actually... Actually, Noel, I'm quite tired. 258 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:13,742 What? Actually, we're all a bit exhausted from the old singing. 259 00:16:13,826 --> 00:16:17,781 Some of us overdid it down the old local last night! 260 00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:20,932 Gerry Fields knows who I'm talking about! 261 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,498 Huh, what, eh? 262 00:16:22,579 --> 00:16:24,374 Yeah. 263 00:16:24,457 --> 00:16:28,924 We arrived back at... God! it must have been half ten! 264 00:16:29,012 --> 00:16:31,524 And some of us crawled in! 265 00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:34,122 Janine Reilly knows what I'm talking about! 266 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:36,084 - Don't you?! - Yeah... 267 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:38,360 And she wasn't the only one! 268 00:16:38,445 --> 00:16:39,672 Tony Lynch! 269 00:16:39,764 --> 00:16:43,834 TONY LYNCH! He knows! Look at him, all sweetness and light! 270 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:48,433 He wasn't when he crawled into bed at ten past eleven! 271 00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:52,109 Hello. Father Noel Furlong. You're a fine young fella. 272 00:16:52,194 --> 00:16:55,466 What age would you say I am? Guess. What age would you say? 273 00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,460 He knows. Don't tell him! 274 00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,777 Go on, guess. What would you say? 275 00:16:59,867 --> 00:17:01,821 40. 276 00:17:02,904 --> 00:17:06,735 Ted, haven't seen you in ages. How are you? 277 00:17:06,821 --> 00:17:09,174 # I SAW THE WHOLE OF THE MOON 278 00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:12,169 # There at the turnstiles with the wind at your heels 279 00:17:12,257 --> 00:17:16,213 # You stretched for the stars and you know how it feels 280 00:17:16,294 --> 00:17:17,771 # Too high 281 00:17:17,852 --> 00:17:19,488 # Too far 282 00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:24,435 # Too soon, you saw the whole of the moon # 283 00:17:25,925 --> 00:17:29,153 # Dirty old town 284 00:17:29,242 --> 00:17:31,754 # Dirty old to-o-own! # 285 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,068 Oh, God, Ted, they have me worn out! 286 00:17:34,158 --> 00:17:36,273 They're a mad crowd! 287 00:17:36,357 --> 00:17:37,471 What time is it? 288 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,465 Half ten! know what? 289 00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:42,031 We should all go to bed. 290 00:17:42,112 --> 00:17:45,783 Where's Tony Lynch off to? Probably to get some heroin! 291 00:17:45,868 --> 00:17:48,380 No, I'm just going to the toilet, Father. 292 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:52,978 Anyone else need to go? Ted, Dougal, are you Ok? 293 00:17:53,062 --> 00:17:54,619 We're grand, thanks, Noel. 294 00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:57,054 Sure you don't need a little tinkle? 295 00:17:57,139 --> 00:17:59,651 I'm fine, thanks. I'll go again. 296 00:17:59,737 --> 00:18:02,568 Don't keep it in, your bladder could go mental. 297 00:18:02,655 --> 00:18:05,689 - Yes... - My friend Father Sweeney, 298 00:18:05,772 --> 00:18:09,523 he had a bladder about the size of a Terry's Chocolate Orange... 299 00:18:09,609 --> 00:18:11,086 NOEL! 300 00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:16,283 I REALLY... I'm fine. Ok? I'm fine. 301 00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:20,234 You're like a bunch of camels! 302 00:18:20,319 --> 00:18:23,354 Anyway, we'll get the sleeping bags out. 303 00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,391 Will it not be a bit cramped? 304 00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:28,704 Not at all. The more the merrier! 305 00:18:32,350 --> 00:18:36,465 (Noel) St Colum's had a great football team in the mid-'50s. 306 00:18:36,546 --> 00:18:39,296 They won the Father Fitzgibbon Cup. 307 00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:43,419 Father Fitzgibbon. The thing about him was he LOOkED like a cup! 308 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,887 Great big ears like handles! 309 00:18:46,977 --> 00:18:48,853 Do you remember him, Ted? 310 00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:50,970 Ted? Do you remember? 311 00:18:51,054 --> 00:18:53,725 YES! I remember him, Noel. 312 00:18:53,812 --> 00:18:57,847 Oooohh! Who's a bit of a Moaning Michael tonight? 313 00:18:59,047 --> 00:19:02,401 God Almighty, it's nearly six o'clock in the morning! 314 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:07,030 I think what we should all do now is... 315 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,074 TELL A FEW GHOST STORIES! 316 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,432 - Ted? - Yes? 317 00:19:12,516 --> 00:19:13,584 I'm going mad. 318 00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:17,221 Yes, let's get out of here, let's go home. 319 00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:19,028 (Noel) Whoooo! 320 00:19:20,549 --> 00:19:22,664 Who's that now? 321 00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:25,657 Is that Gerry Fields heading off to the disco? 322 00:19:25,745 --> 00:19:28,132 We're just heading out for some fresh air. 323 00:19:28,223 --> 00:19:30,734 Don't forget to bring us back some! 324 00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:33,378 Right so...you big feckin' eejit! 325 00:19:38,054 --> 00:19:40,169 What about Jack? 326 00:19:40,252 --> 00:19:44,640 Chances are he's on Craggy Island. He has an amazing homing instinct. 327 00:19:44,729 --> 00:19:46,957 We'll find him with a smile on his face 328 00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:49,684 and his arms outstretched to welcome us back. 329 00:19:49,765 --> 00:19:51,163 What? 330 00:19:51,244 --> 00:19:53,881 Well, maybe not the smile on his face... 331 00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:57,474 or the outstretched arms... 332 00:19:57,558 --> 00:20:00,911 or the welcome back, but he's probably there. 333 00:20:01,554 --> 00:20:03,783 Oh, God, your man! Don't let him see us! 334 00:20:20,978 --> 00:20:23,570 Gerry! Gerry! 335 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,088 Gerry! 336 00:20:26,494 --> 00:20:29,642 - Open! Please open! - He's a fair bit away yet. 337 00:20:31,769 --> 00:20:34,679 Might be worth speeding up there a bit, Ted. 338 00:20:38,524 --> 00:20:40,399 Sorry about that. 339 00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:41,880 Bloody perverts! 340 00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:53,626 He's probably very cold now his towel's blown away. 341 00:20:56,509 --> 00:20:58,941 (Dougal) Maybe we should let him off. 342 00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:03,255 I've been thinking about it, but I'm sure he'll start giving out to us. 343 00:21:03,343 --> 00:21:06,413 - Pretend we didn't see him. - I doubt he'd believe us. 344 00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:11,446 - We'd better let him off, Ted. - Oh, all right. I suppose so. 345 00:21:16,012 --> 00:21:18,478 - Get out of the car! - Hello again. 346 00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:21,287 Get out of the car. Right! 347 00:21:22,687 --> 00:21:24,641 I think he's calming down a bit. 348 00:21:24,725 --> 00:21:28,237 - (Breaking glass) - Ah, now! Now...! 349 00:21:28,322 --> 00:21:33,551 Come on! There's absolutely no need for that type of nonsense! 350 00:21:33,638 --> 00:21:35,627 He's puncturing the tyres, Ted. 351 00:21:38,474 --> 00:21:41,701 You're impressing nobody with that type of thing! 352 00:21:50,703 --> 00:21:53,499 God, Ted, I'm so tired. Maybe we should go back. 353 00:21:53,581 --> 00:21:56,536 Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere near Noel Furlong again. 354 00:21:56,618 --> 00:21:58,335 God knows what they're up to by now! 355 00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:00,371 (Irish jig) 356 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,587 (Horn ) 357 00:22:24,675 --> 00:22:27,346 Ted, it's a big truck! It can give us a lift! 358 00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:29,581 Oh, thank God! 359 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,025 Hello, Fathers. 360 00:22:33,107 --> 00:22:36,222 Tom, thank God, Tom! We need a lift. 361 00:22:36,305 --> 00:22:38,737 Fair enough, Fathers. I'll open the door. 362 00:22:45,058 --> 00:22:47,092 (Rumbling and whooshing) 363 00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:04,831 Sorry about that, Fathers. 364 00:23:16,232 --> 00:23:17,425 (Mumbling) 365 00:23:17,511 --> 00:23:19,067 Father, you're awake! 366 00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:22,423 Thank God! It took us ages to pull you on board. 367 00:23:22,507 --> 00:23:23,733 (Muttering) 368 00:23:23,825 --> 00:23:26,496 Will you have something to drink? 369 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:35,853 96...97...98...99...100. 370 00:23:35,935 --> 00:23:37,731 Coming now, ready or not. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net