1 00:00:43,395 --> 00:00:46,067 Ted, have you seen my record collection? 2 00:00:46,154 --> 00:00:47,826 - Record collection? - Yeah. 3 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,824 Here it is. And Dougal, 4 00:00:49,913 --> 00:00:53,700 you need more than one record to have a collection. 5 00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,702 What YOU have is a record. 6 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,747 Oh, right. Yeah. 7 00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:01,469 (Humming Nessun Dorma ) 8 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:10,379 You know, you've a beautiful voice, Father. 9 00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,622 Ah, no, I don't really. 10 00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:15,936 No, you do. It's gorgeous. 11 00:01:16,026 --> 00:01:17,902 Well, thanks very much. 12 00:01:17,985 --> 00:01:22,023 I don't think I've ever heard anything more beautiful in my life. 13 00:01:22,104 --> 00:01:24,173 Sing something else. 14 00:01:24,263 --> 00:01:27,334 Now, I don't normally do requests. 15 00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:29,458 Ah, go on, now. Please! 16 00:01:31,061 --> 00:01:32,210 Ok. 17 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:36,737 # I-I love Paris in the springtime 18 00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:41,050 # I love Paris in the fall... # 19 00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:43,692 No. 20 00:01:43,777 --> 00:01:45,972 No, I didn't like that one so much. 21 00:01:46,057 --> 00:01:48,490 I was a bit disappointed with that one. 22 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:51,567 - Yes, thank you, Mrs Doyle. - That wasn't very good at all. 23 00:01:51,655 --> 00:01:53,373 Yes... 24 00:01:53,455 --> 00:01:55,968 I love that song, but that was catastrophic. 25 00:01:56,054 --> 00:02:00,604 I tell you what, Mrs Doyle, I won't book Carnegie Hall just yet. 26 00:02:00,693 --> 00:02:04,684 They wouldn't let you play Carnegie Hall with a voice like that. 27 00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:09,684 Carnegie Hall. Oh, here's one. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? 28 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:12,647 - Practice! - What? 29 00:02:14,249 --> 00:02:18,240 That old joke - "How d'you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice!" 30 00:02:18,327 --> 00:02:19,680 Uh? 31 00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:22,079 Oh, I-I see. 32 00:02:22,166 --> 00:02:25,362 Um, you'd have to go to New York, Dougal. 33 00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:31,440 Oh, right. Yeah. Ted... do you mind if I put on my record? 34 00:02:31,524 --> 00:02:33,718 No. Go ahead. 35 00:02:33,803 --> 00:02:36,680 - I've got Eurosong fever, Ted. - Yeah? 36 00:02:36,762 --> 00:02:40,117 God, yeah. I love the Eurosong competition. I can't wait. 37 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,953 - What time is it now? - Half past one. 38 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,474 And the competition is on in...? 39 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,515 May. 40 00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:52,628 You know they're looking for entries for this year? 41 00:02:53,717 --> 00:02:55,435 - Are they? - Yeah. 42 00:02:55,517 --> 00:02:57,029 - Dougal... - Why...? 43 00:02:57,116 --> 00:02:58,754 - Dougal! - Ah, Ted... 44 00:02:58,836 --> 00:03:01,633 - Dougal! - If we won, we'd be famous, 45 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,626 like Nelson Mandela and his mad wife. 46 00:03:04,714 --> 00:03:07,147 No, Dougal, we don't have the time. 47 00:03:07,233 --> 00:03:08,985 We'd have to write a song. 48 00:03:09,073 --> 00:03:11,745 That needs a person with special talent. 49 00:03:11,832 --> 00:03:14,982 Cole Porter, George Gershwin, Chris de Burgh... 50 00:03:15,071 --> 00:03:17,220 - (Phone ) - Not just any old eejit 51 00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:20,267 can take up songwriting just like that. 52 00:03:20,349 --> 00:03:22,101 Hello. Father Ted Crilly. 53 00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:25,180 - Hello! Dick Byrne here. - Dick. 54 00:03:25,268 --> 00:03:27,986 - Are you entering this year? - 'What?' 55 00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:31,775 Eurosong '96. The young fella has me driven mad with it. 56 00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:35,540 We thought we'd enter. Why don't you give it a go? 57 00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:37,535 - I'm sure you'd win. - Thanks... 58 00:03:37,624 --> 00:03:40,536 If all the other contestants were killed! 59 00:03:40,624 --> 00:03:43,057 We'd do just as well as you would. 60 00:03:43,143 --> 00:03:44,495 - You wouldn't. - Yes, we would. 61 00:03:44,582 --> 00:03:45,810 - You wouldn't. - We would. 62 00:03:45,902 --> 00:03:47,971 - No, you wouldn't. - Yes, we would. 63 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,700 - No, you wouldn't. - We would, we would, we would! 64 00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:52,611 - You wouldn't times a thousand! - Yes... 65 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,656 Jinx! No comebacks! 66 00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,974 Dougal, get the guitar. 67 00:04:00,058 --> 00:04:02,730 - I thought... - I said get the guitar! 68 00:04:07,736 --> 00:04:10,169 Ok, right. What'll we write it about? 69 00:04:11,415 --> 00:04:13,723 How about...a lovely horse? 70 00:04:18,613 --> 00:04:23,082 Ok. We'll call it... My Lovely Horse... 71 00:04:24,171 --> 00:04:26,889 by Father...Ted...Crilly. 72 00:04:26,970 --> 00:04:29,086 And, er, Father Dougal McGuire. 73 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:34,285 And, er...Father...Dougal...McGuire. 74 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,006 Right. Here we go. 75 00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:40,635 Um, will we do the lyrics first or will we do the music? 76 00:04:40,726 --> 00:04:43,478 Let's do the lyrics and fit the tune around it. 77 00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:44,964 Right. Here we go. 78 00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,956 Maybe we should do the music first. 79 00:04:55,042 --> 00:04:57,475 Right. Here we go. 80 00:04:57,561 --> 00:04:59,313 I like that. 81 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,357 - Was that all right? - Yeah. It was a bit sad. 82 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:09,556 Good. Good. I'll write it down. I think it was an A minor. 83 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,789 I-I think... I think I have a lyric. 84 00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:16,265 Right. Lyrics. Go ahead there, Dougal. 85 00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:18,311 What's it called again? 86 00:05:19,515 --> 00:05:21,186 My Lovely Horse. 87 00:05:22,194 --> 00:05:24,150 Right. How about this? Er... 88 00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:26,986 My lovely horse, I want to hold you so tight 89 00:05:27,073 --> 00:05:30,587 I want to rub my fingers through your tail 90 00:05:30,672 --> 00:05:32,582 and...love you all night. 91 00:05:32,671 --> 00:05:35,548 Dougal... Dougal, Dougal, stop there. 92 00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:39,747 keep out of the whole area of being in love with the horse. 93 00:05:39,829 --> 00:05:41,784 Oh, right. Right. 94 00:05:41,868 --> 00:05:44,143 We're more friends with the horse. 95 00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:47,378 We want to jump around and have a good laugh with it. 96 00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,184 Right. What about, 97 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,655 Take this lump of sugar, baby, you know you want it? 98 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,016 Something like those rap fellas would write. 99 00:05:58,104 --> 00:06:00,378 You can forget about them, Dougal. 100 00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:04,250 You can forget about Icy Tea and Scoopy Scoopy Dog Dog. 101 00:06:04,342 --> 00:06:07,094 They're no help to us now. 102 00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:10,252 We're not moving until we've finished the song. 103 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:12,376 - Ready? - Let's do it! 104 00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:17,373 Dougal, don't take it so seriously, it's...it's just a bit of fun. 105 00:06:21,377 --> 00:06:23,765 Just play the f---ing note! 106 00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:31,130 - The first one? - No, not the f---ing first one! 107 00:06:31,214 --> 00:06:33,170 That's already f---ing down! 108 00:06:33,254 --> 00:06:36,370 Play the f---ing note you were f---ing playing. 109 00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:40,490 I'm playing the f---ing first one! We have the f---ing first one! 110 00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:43,529 (Can rattles) 111 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,889 So I... 112 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,927 Play the f---ing note you were f---ing playing! 113 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:53,398 The thing you were just doing! Play the f---ing note! 114 00:06:58,366 --> 00:07:00,755 (Disco beat on keyboard) 115 00:07:06,364 --> 00:07:07,796 Right. 116 00:07:07,883 --> 00:07:09,760 (Disco beat) 117 00:07:10,843 --> 00:07:14,437 (Monotone ) # My lovely horse running through the...field 118 00:07:14,522 --> 00:07:15,920 # Where are you going 119 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:19,436 # With your fetlocks blowing in the...wind? 120 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,953 # I want to shower you with sugar lumps 121 00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:25,427 # And ride you over...fences 122 00:07:25,518 --> 00:07:27,986 # I want to polish your hooves every single day 123 00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:30,989 # And bring you to the horse...dentist 124 00:07:31,077 --> 00:07:34,352 # My lovely horse you're a pony no... 125 00:07:34,436 --> 00:07:35,868 # More 126 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,344 # Running around with a man on your back 127 00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:40,345 # Like a train in the night... # 128 00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:41,992 Wait, I can do this bit. 129 00:07:42,074 --> 00:07:44,189 # Like a train in the...night # 130 00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:48,742 Well, er, what do you think in general? 131 00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:57,028 Right. 132 00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:03,825 Father Jack's right. It's a terrible song. What were we thinking? 133 00:08:03,907 --> 00:08:05,784 It's not that bad, Ted. 134 00:08:05,867 --> 00:08:09,256 The lyrics are fine. There's no problem there. 135 00:08:09,346 --> 00:08:13,895 But it's a terrible tune. It's just the same note over and over again. 136 00:08:13,984 --> 00:08:17,692 I'll put on my favourite Eurosong, maybe that'll cheer us up. 137 00:08:17,783 --> 00:08:20,660 Yes, that might help. What is it? 138 00:08:20,742 --> 00:08:23,176 It's Nin Huugen and the Huugen Notes. 139 00:08:23,262 --> 00:08:27,173 It came fifth in A Song For Norway in 1976. 140 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:30,692 (Music starts) 141 00:08:30,779 --> 00:08:33,691 (Lively tune with Norwegian lyrics) 142 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,008 That's not too bad, actually. 143 00:08:40,097 --> 00:08:42,212 That's the B-side. I'll turn it over. 144 00:08:42,296 --> 00:08:46,288 - No. No, leave it. Leave it. - It's nice enough, isn't it? 145 00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:49,810 Yeah. If only we'd come up with something like that. 146 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:58,442 Dougal...I suppose not many people have actually heard that song? 147 00:08:58,531 --> 00:09:01,443 Suppose not. First time I've heard it. 148 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,085 Where are the band now? 149 00:09:08,169 --> 00:09:11,080 Oh, God, Ted, it's a terrible story. 150 00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:13,442 They all died in a plane crash, 151 00:09:13,527 --> 00:09:16,359 including everybody involved in the song - 152 00:09:16,446 --> 00:09:19,994 the studio engineers, the producer, the manager... 153 00:09:20,085 --> 00:09:22,803 - The people who owned the rights? - Oh, yes. 154 00:09:22,884 --> 00:09:24,954 That's terrible. 155 00:09:25,044 --> 00:09:26,761 - Er, Dougal... - Yeah? 156 00:09:26,843 --> 00:09:29,959 Wouldn't it be nice to commemorate those people 157 00:09:30,042 --> 00:09:33,590 - by keeping their music alive? - What? 158 00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:37,992 Suppose we were to borrow that tune for My Lovely Horse. 159 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,990 It would help us out 160 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,036 and commemorate their memory at the same time. 161 00:09:43,118 --> 00:09:45,791 So we wouldn't just be stealing their tune? 162 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,506 No! You'd have to be mad to jump to that conclusion. 163 00:09:49,597 --> 00:09:52,747 As I say, we'd just be celebrating their memory. 164 00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:54,154 Secretly. 165 00:09:55,635 --> 00:09:58,546 - Incidentally, don't tell anyone. - Oh, right. 166 00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:01,545 And if the song wins and we make any money, 167 00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:04,066 we could give it to their relatives. 168 00:10:04,152 --> 00:10:07,063 Yeah... We'll play that by ear. 169 00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:11,663 (Ted humming Huugen Notes tune ) 170 00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:16,777 You know, I don't want to jump to any conclusions 171 00:10:16,869 --> 00:10:19,462 but I think we're definitely going to win! 172 00:10:19,548 --> 00:10:21,424 Really? Oh, great. 173 00:10:21,507 --> 00:10:23,418 There'll be lots to think about. 174 00:10:23,507 --> 00:10:26,896 Promotions for journalists, American tour dates... 175 00:10:26,986 --> 00:10:29,624 And I suppose a big fly poster campaign. 176 00:10:29,705 --> 00:10:33,219 - And the obligatory video. - Obligatory video - wow! 177 00:10:33,304 --> 00:10:36,613 Are priests allowed to be rock stars, though, Ted? 178 00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,421 A lad at the seminary, Father Benny Cake, 179 00:10:39,502 --> 00:10:42,891 he recorded a song that went to number one in England. 180 00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:44,619 - Really? - Yeah. 181 00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:48,658 He didn't want to be known as a priest so he called himself... 182 00:10:48,739 --> 00:10:51,253 Anyway, the song was called Vienna. 183 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,968 Why didn't he want people to know he was a priest? 184 00:10:56,057 --> 00:10:59,492 People thought if you were a priest, you were uncool. 185 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,453 - A bit of a square. - Then we came along. 186 00:11:02,535 --> 00:11:06,243 Yeah. Anyway, Dougal, get to sleep. Sweet dreams. 187 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,483 # My lovely, lovely, lovely horse 188 00:11:15,572 --> 00:11:19,483 # My lovely horse # (My lovely horse ) 189 00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:23,608 # Running through the field 190 00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:25,407 # Where are you going 191 00:11:25,489 --> 00:11:29,447 # With your fetlocks blowing in the wind? 192 00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:35,596 # I want to shower you with sugar lumps 193 00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:40,153 # And ride you over fences 194 00:11:40,244 --> 00:11:44,794 # Polish your hooves every single day 195 00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:49,160 # And bring you to the horse dentist 196 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,357 # My lovely, lovely, lovely horse 197 00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:55,513 # My lovely horse # (My lovely horse ) 198 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,511 # You're a pony no more 199 00:11:58,599 --> 00:12:02,386 # Running around with a man on your back 200 00:12:02,478 --> 00:12:05,594 # Like a train in the night, yeah 201 00:12:05,677 --> 00:12:07,554 # Like a train in the night # 202 00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:09,592 (Saxophone solo ) 203 00:12:13,955 --> 00:12:15,467 (Ted panting) 204 00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:17,784 We have to lose that sax solo! 205 00:12:20,553 --> 00:12:24,511 Er, Mrs Doyle, I think that's enough make-up on Dougal now. 206 00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:27,549 There you go. Good man. 207 00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:32,467 (knock at door) 208 00:12:33,549 --> 00:12:34,948 Hello, uh, Father Crilly. 209 00:12:35,029 --> 00:12:38,338 I'm Charles Hedges, your producer, and this is... 210 00:12:38,428 --> 00:12:41,658 Mr Rickwood! I'm delighted to meet you. 211 00:12:41,747 --> 00:12:43,941 You did a brilliant job last year. 212 00:12:44,026 --> 00:12:48,143 That's the business, you know, in and out of doors, like, and giddy up! 213 00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,862 S-sorry? 214 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:52,979 The business, and giddy up! 215 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,019 Ah, yes! Ha ha! 216 00:12:57,062 --> 00:12:58,939 (Gibberish) 217 00:13:00,021 --> 00:13:01,977 Mm. Mm. Mm. 218 00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:07,048 I have to say, he sounded a lot better on last year's show. 219 00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:09,095 Once he's on stage, he's fine. 220 00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:12,614 - Have you known him long? - Yes. Partners for ten years. 221 00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:14,927 Running the production company? 222 00:13:15,017 --> 00:13:16,734 No, no. He's my lover. 223 00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:24,166 He... He's quite a catch. 224 00:13:27,453 --> 00:13:30,365 This is my partner, Father Dougal McGuire. 225 00:13:30,452 --> 00:13:33,842 Not my sexual partner! My partner I do the song with. 226 00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:36,525 - Yes, well, I'd guessed that. - Of course. 227 00:13:36,611 --> 00:13:39,647 Not that there's anything wrong with that type of...thing. 228 00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:43,358 I thought the Church thought it was inherently wrong. 229 00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:46,326 Ah, yes, it does. The whole gay thing - 230 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,205 I suppose it's a bit of a puzzle to us all. 231 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,119 It must be fun, though. Not the... 232 00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:55,594 Not the, you know, but the nightclubs 233 00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:59,279 and the whole rough and tumble of homosexual activity. 234 00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,797 Having boyfriends when you're a man. 235 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:06,160 Don't mind what the Church thinks, it thought the earth was flat! 236 00:14:06,242 --> 00:14:09,278 Sometimes the Pope says things he doesn't mean. 237 00:14:09,361 --> 00:14:11,556 Even the Pope gets things wrong. 238 00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:13,790 What about Papal infallibility? 239 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,232 Yes. 240 00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:20,150 Is it for everything, the infallibility? 241 00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:22,273 I don't know. 242 00:14:22,357 --> 00:14:25,632 Right. Anyhow... Nothing to do with me! 243 00:14:25,716 --> 00:14:28,708 I'm really looking forward to your entry. 244 00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:34,544 The song! Ha! The song. Right. 245 00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:37,705 - Well, so am I. - Do you think we'll win? 246 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,704 It's not up to him. It's the public who decide. 247 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,191 - Not this year. - No? 248 00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:44,421 This year, I'll pick the winner. 249 00:14:44,511 --> 00:14:47,183 That old phone-in system wasn't working. 250 00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:50,705 But the song the public chose has won five years in a row. 251 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:54,781 Yes, but it's, eh... quite complicated. 252 00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:57,017 Are you looking forward to the show? 253 00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:59,063 Oh, yes. We're all thrilled. 254 00:14:59,147 --> 00:15:02,741 Bit of a novelty, I suppose, what with us being priests. 255 00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:06,374 Ah, well, not exactly. There's a similar act to yours. 256 00:15:06,465 --> 00:15:08,898 Father Byrne and Father McDuff. 257 00:15:08,984 --> 00:15:11,702 I didn't think they'd make it this far. 258 00:15:11,783 --> 00:15:15,536 Flip! They'll win, Ted. We might as well give up now. 259 00:15:15,622 --> 00:15:17,771 That's a very defeatist attitude! 260 00:15:17,861 --> 00:15:20,091 Oh, it is. Sorry about that. 261 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:25,453 Ah, but he's right, Ted. Ready to be beaten, then? 262 00:15:25,539 --> 00:15:27,893 I'd say your song is terrible anyway. 263 00:15:27,978 --> 00:15:30,731 It's better than yours, ya big fool! 264 00:15:30,818 --> 00:15:32,648 Take that back! 265 00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,489 I'll just be leaving. 266 00:15:34,576 --> 00:15:36,646 Thanks, Charles. See you later. 267 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,169 Yes, thanks. We'll have a great time. 268 00:15:40,175 --> 00:15:44,372 I bet we get a million points and you get minus 7,000! 269 00:15:44,454 --> 00:15:47,013 - How much do you bet?! - Four pounds! 270 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,604 Right! You're on! 271 00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:54,128 That's just us winning. A million points is a bit of an exaggeration. 272 00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,923 Right, we're off to win the contest. 273 00:16:01,009 --> 00:16:03,317 Ah, seriously, Ted... 274 00:16:03,408 --> 00:16:06,843 Even if you don't win, I'm sure your song's very good. 275 00:16:06,927 --> 00:16:08,963 - Really? - No! 276 00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:13,197 Oh, I really hate Father Dick Byrne! 277 00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:26,235 - Good luck tonight, Fred. - (Incomprehensible mumbling) 278 00:16:28,081 --> 00:16:30,640 (Theme music) 279 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,950 Thanks. Right, let's go. 280 00:16:38,758 --> 00:16:43,069 'And now, live from the Theatre Royal, A Song For Ireland. 281 00:16:43,157 --> 00:16:46,307 'And here's your host, Fred Rickwood.' 282 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,828 Hello! 283 00:16:48,915 --> 00:16:50,472 What a pro. 284 00:16:51,674 --> 00:16:54,267 And welcome to Song For Ireland. 285 00:16:54,353 --> 00:16:59,824 The contest where we select your representative to sing for Ireland. 286 00:16:59,912 --> 00:17:03,586 'This year we've got a lot of new acts from all around the country...' 287 00:17:03,671 --> 00:17:07,026 Huh! Look at Dick Byrne over there, showing off! 288 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:10,101 He won't be too happy when we win and he comes last! 289 00:17:17,187 --> 00:17:20,576 ..come a long way and I know they're eager to start. 290 00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:26,778 So please put your hands together and welcome on stage 291 00:17:26,864 --> 00:17:29,058 Euro hopefuls from Rugged Island, 292 00:17:29,143 --> 00:17:33,021 Father Dick Byrne and Father Cyril McDuff! 293 00:17:38,541 --> 00:17:40,451 (Organ introduction ) 294 00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:44,248 # When I was young 295 00:17:45,459 --> 00:17:48,689 # I had a dream 296 00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:53,484 # And though the dream was very small 297 00:17:54,576 --> 00:17:58,534 # It wouldn't leave me... # 298 00:17:59,694 --> 00:18:01,127 (Dougal, Dougal!) 299 00:18:07,412 --> 00:18:10,960 # To play the poet or the fool 300 00:18:12,411 --> 00:18:16,289 # And now you see me 301 00:18:16,370 --> 00:18:18,166 (Choir joins in ) 302 00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:21,604 # And now 303 00:18:21,688 --> 00:18:25,236 # The miracle is mine 304 00:18:27,566 --> 00:18:35,244 # Oh, and the war begun 305 00:18:36,284 --> 00:18:40,242 # And I... # 306 00:18:41,362 --> 00:18:43,273 I'm goin' for a fag! 307 00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,356 (Whistling cheerfully) 308 00:18:56,118 --> 00:18:58,870 (Huugen Notes song playing in lift) 309 00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:05,746 Oh, God! 310 00:19:09,154 --> 00:19:12,384 - Dougal, we can't do the song! - What's up, Ted? 311 00:19:12,473 --> 00:19:15,430 I just heard it in the lift! I heard someone whistling it! 312 00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:18,106 Shows what a great song it is. 313 00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:20,386 No! They'll know we ripped it off! 314 00:19:20,471 --> 00:19:23,701 It's more famous than we thought! Oh, we'll be found out! 315 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:25,462 What'll we do, Ted? 316 00:19:25,549 --> 00:19:28,541 What did we do to deserve this?! 317 00:19:28,629 --> 00:19:31,461 # I 318 00:19:31,548 --> 00:19:35,620 # I've nothing left but time 319 00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:39,101 # Still I reach out... # 320 00:19:39,186 --> 00:19:40,823 Song's nearly over. 321 00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:44,101 Oh, no...! I think...Dougal... 322 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:47,539 We'll have to resort to Plan B. 323 00:19:47,623 --> 00:19:51,854 # Ahhh... # 324 00:20:04,218 --> 00:20:07,846 Wonderful! Wonderful! Something else! 325 00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:10,450 And now on to our next act. 326 00:20:10,536 --> 00:20:14,369 All the way from Craggy Island, could you please welcome 327 00:20:14,455 --> 00:20:18,606 Father Ted Crilly and Father Dougal McGuire! 328 00:20:18,694 --> 00:20:20,571 (Applause ) 329 00:20:23,653 --> 00:20:27,088 (Monotone ) # My lovely horse running through the... 330 00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,490 # Field 331 00:20:28,571 --> 00:20:31,130 # Where are you going 332 00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:34,327 # With your fetlocks blowing in the... 333 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:36,127 # Wind 334 00:20:37,009 --> 00:20:39,442 # I want to shower you with sugar lumps 335 00:20:39,528 --> 00:20:41,041 # And ride you over... 336 00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:43,800 # Fences 337 00:20:43,887 --> 00:20:46,036 # And polish your hooves every single day 338 00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:48,003 # And send you to the horse... 339 00:20:48,086 --> 00:20:49,882 # Dentist 340 00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:53,559 # My lovely horse you're a pony no... 341 00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:55,395 # More 342 00:20:55,483 --> 00:20:58,395 # Running around with a man on your back 343 00:20:58,483 --> 00:21:01,679 # Like a train in the night, Like a train in the... # 344 00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:03,433 I can get this. 345 00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:05,476 # Night... # 346 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,711 (Silence ) 347 00:21:18,717 --> 00:21:20,513 (Laughter) 348 00:21:20,596 --> 00:21:22,507 Well, we did it! 349 00:21:22,596 --> 00:21:24,950 Don't ask me how, but we did it! 350 00:21:27,474 --> 00:21:30,624 It's simple, Father - yours was the best song. 351 00:21:30,713 --> 00:21:34,830 I suppose so. But I didn't think the audience were going for it. 352 00:21:34,912 --> 00:21:37,869 (Gibberish) 353 00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:43,984 Yeah, yeah... Cheers! 354 00:21:46,069 --> 00:21:49,663 What's going on?! Our song was clearly miles better! 355 00:21:49,748 --> 00:21:52,136 Well, we thought... 356 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:55,218 It was the same note over and over again! 357 00:21:55,306 --> 00:21:57,899 Yes, but we admired its erm... 358 00:21:57,985 --> 00:22:00,942 (Gibberish) 359 00:22:03,064 --> 00:22:06,419 Exactly! Fred put it better than I ever could. 360 00:22:06,503 --> 00:22:08,060 So there! 361 00:22:08,142 --> 00:22:10,861 You'd think you wanted Ireland to lose the Euro contest! 362 00:22:10,941 --> 00:22:12,340 (Laughs) 363 00:22:12,421 --> 00:22:14,411 (Nervous laughter) 364 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:17,776 Nonsense! Why would we want to do that?! 365 00:22:17,859 --> 00:22:21,294 Maybe because it was costing you too much to stage(!) 366 00:22:21,378 --> 00:22:24,575 Oh-oh-ho, dear, dear, dear! 367 00:22:24,658 --> 00:22:28,569 Now, come on! Does that really sound plausible? 368 00:22:28,656 --> 00:22:33,331 Go and count your sour grapes before...they hatch. 369 00:22:34,775 --> 00:22:36,730 Better luck next time! 370 00:22:37,294 --> 00:22:40,683 - We lost, Cyril! - Really...? 371 00:22:40,773 --> 00:22:42,251 Come on! 372 00:22:43,332 --> 00:22:47,927 Anyway, Father, I'm sure you'll do very well at the Eurosong Contest. 373 00:22:48,011 --> 00:22:50,763 I think we will. Europe, here we come! 374 00:22:52,809 --> 00:22:57,677 We'd better sneak them out the back. That's a nasty crowd out there. 375 00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:07,443 'Thank you, Athens. That's a total of 103 for Belgium. 376 00:23:07,525 --> 00:23:12,518 'Now, could we have the points for Ireland's entry, My Lovely Horse.' 377 00:23:12,604 --> 00:23:14,639 'Irelande, nil points.' 378 00:23:14,723 --> 00:23:16,917 'Ireland, no points.' 379 00:23:17,002 --> 00:23:18,720 'Irlanda, nada.' 380 00:23:18,802 --> 00:23:20,792 'Ireland, no points.' 381 00:23:20,881 --> 00:23:23,713 'Irlandia, meethen vathmee.' 382 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,711 'Ireland, no points.' 383 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,755 'Irlande, keine punte.' 384 00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:30,069 'Ireland, no points.' 385 00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:32,797 'Irshka, bash bodova.' 386 00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:34,868 'Again, Ireland - no points.' 387 00:23:34,957 --> 00:23:37,709 'Irlandia, nurda proken.' 388 00:23:37,796 --> 00:23:40,628 'Ireland, n-nothing there again.' 389 00:23:40,715 --> 00:23:42,831 'Irlande, nil punten.' 390 00:23:42,915 --> 00:23:44,711 'Ireland, no points.' 391 00:23:44,794 --> 00:23:47,546 'Irlinia, nurda purda.' 392 00:23:47,633 --> 00:23:49,510 'That means nothing.' 393 00:23:49,593 --> 00:23:52,550 'Irlenski, nurte point lete.' 394 00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:53,860 'Nothing.' 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net