1 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:42,729 Come on, Dougal, turn off the video. 2 00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:45,374 Ok, Ted. That's a great show, isn't it? 3 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:48,729 He's mad, isn't he? "I don't believe it!" he says. 4 00:00:52,499 --> 00:00:55,889 - Which one were you watching? - What? 5 00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:58,453 Which episode of One Foot In The Grave? 6 00:00:58,499 --> 00:01:00,694 Eh? 7 00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:03,935 You've just watched it. Don't you remember anything? 8 00:01:03,978 --> 00:01:07,448 I don't believe it! That's what he says. 9 00:01:07,498 --> 00:01:10,490 Come on, hurry up, we're off to the mainland. 10 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,210 Hurray! Why? 11 00:01:12,258 --> 00:01:14,453 To go and collect my winnings. 12 00:01:14,498 --> 00:01:18,650 £200 on Father Liam Rice in the limbo competition. 13 00:01:18,698 --> 00:01:22,007 They don't know that he always walks like that! 14 00:01:24,337 --> 00:01:26,248 I don't believe it! 15 00:01:29,177 --> 00:01:31,293 I don't believe it! 16 00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:36,374 Dougal, there's a hole in your tank top. 17 00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:38,884 Really, Ted? I don't believe it! 18 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,972 Brilliant, Dougal. 19 00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:46,806 Can we go to the caves after the betting shop? Please, please... 20 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,494 Ok, we'll go. 21 00:01:48,536 --> 00:01:51,845 Fantastic. Going to the caves. I don't believe it! 22 00:01:52,535 --> 00:01:56,494 - Here we are now. - (Dougal) I don't believe it! 23 00:01:56,535 --> 00:01:58,526 - Drink! - No, Father. 24 00:01:58,575 --> 00:02:01,965 We're going to the opticians to get you some glasses. 25 00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:12,213 We should all be careful on the mainland. 26 00:02:12,254 --> 00:02:15,644 There's a lot of crime - arsonists and muggers all over. 27 00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:17,889 My friend was robbed last week. 28 00:02:17,934 --> 00:02:20,164 Oh, no! Did they get much? 29 00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:22,807 No, Father. You misunderstand. 30 00:02:22,853 --> 00:02:26,926 - She was robbed. They stole her. - Oh, I see. 31 00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:31,410 Terrible when an old person can't walk the street without being stolen. 32 00:02:31,453 --> 00:02:33,330 It is. 33 00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:40,288 Come on, Dougal. I don't want any accidents. 34 00:02:40,332 --> 00:02:43,768 There's Mrs Dineen, Father. You can drop me off here. 35 00:02:43,812 --> 00:02:45,450 Right so. 36 00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:50,644 - Hello, Father Crilly. - Hello, Mrs Dineen. 37 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:54,366 (Mrs Doyle ) We'll go to the tea shop for a bit of a chat. 38 00:02:54,411 --> 00:02:56,208 Right so. Bye now. 39 00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:08,724 God, Dougal, imagine spending any more time with those tw.. 40 00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,681 (Brakes screech) 41 00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:16,159 Oh, 200 big ones, Dougal! 42 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:20,282 What? 43 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:23,605 Oh, God, Ted. I'm so happy. 44 00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:27,164 The sun's out and we're in an opticians. 45 00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:29,848 It doesn't get any better than this. 46 00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:33,768 God, Ted! I just remembered. I forgot to have any breakfast. 47 00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:37,006 ( # Dramatic music) 48 00:03:37,049 --> 00:03:39,846 We'll get something later, don't worry. 49 00:03:39,888 --> 00:03:42,356 Oh, God, Ted, I'm so hungry. 50 00:03:42,408 --> 00:03:47,243 There's no chance... I couldn't die, could I? From the hunger? 51 00:03:47,288 --> 00:03:49,722 I don't think so. Not for a few hours. 52 00:03:49,768 --> 00:03:51,998 I'm finished now, Father. 53 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,635 Well, I must say, I'm confused. 54 00:03:57,687 --> 00:04:00,326 His eyesight is better then ever before. 55 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:04,246 He read right to the last line and even I can't see that one. 56 00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:10,799 Ah...I think I know what happened. 57 00:04:10,846 --> 00:04:14,043 Father Jack has a fondness for saying that word. 58 00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:17,396 Oh, I didn't know. I've not used that chart before. 59 00:04:17,446 --> 00:04:20,085 I got it free with a crate of Carlsberg. 60 00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:23,960 Do you have anything to eat? Chips or a burger or a few chops? 61 00:04:24,006 --> 00:04:27,156 I'm out of my head with the hunger. 62 00:04:27,205 --> 00:04:30,117 No. I'll, er, just get the other chart. 63 00:04:30,165 --> 00:04:32,884 So, what happened to his last glasses? 64 00:04:32,925 --> 00:04:38,158 No idea. He went out of the house for a few minutes and they were gone! 65 00:04:38,205 --> 00:04:40,672 (Ted) Dougal, you forgot your scarf. 66 00:04:47,524 --> 00:04:49,321 (Bird squawking) 67 00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:58,596 Fathers, this will take some time. 68 00:04:58,643 --> 00:05:01,601 Oh, we'll head off. Come on, we'll go to the caves. 69 00:05:01,643 --> 00:05:03,634 Hurray! 70 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:08,393 Now, this chart is from Slovakia's premiere lens manufacturers, 71 00:05:08,443 --> 00:05:11,161 Feck Arse Industries. 72 00:05:15,362 --> 00:05:17,239 You remember Mrs kiernan? 73 00:05:17,282 --> 00:05:19,921 Well, she was shopping the other day 74 00:05:19,962 --> 00:05:23,796 and a man came over to her and killed her and stole her pen! 75 00:05:23,842 --> 00:05:25,639 killed her? 76 00:05:25,682 --> 00:05:29,356 Well, they think so. They're keeping her in for tests. 77 00:05:30,601 --> 00:05:33,559 Well, you know what happened to Mr Sweeney? 78 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:37,514 Some fellas broke into his house and started messing with him... 79 00:05:38,761 --> 00:05:41,354 and they put a bra on him. 80 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:46,791 Oh, God, poor Mr Sweeney. He wouldn't like that at all. 81 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:50,071 I heard there were 200 cases of forced transvestism 82 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,156 involving Mr Sweeney last year. 83 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,677 Oh, it's terrible. What's the world coming to? 84 00:06:04,559 --> 00:06:06,993 Steady, Dougal. 85 00:06:07,039 --> 00:06:09,348 Right, one more. Steady. 86 00:06:15,678 --> 00:06:19,353 God Almighty! Look who it is! It's that actor. 87 00:06:19,398 --> 00:06:22,435 - Who? - The man from One Foot In The Grave, 88 00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:26,312 - the "I don't believe it" man! - Oh, wow! 89 00:06:26,358 --> 00:06:28,632 (Ted) That's amazing. Look at him. 90 00:06:31,957 --> 00:06:34,551 - Do you know what he'd love? - What? 91 00:06:34,597 --> 00:06:37,555 If somebody went up and said his catchphrase. 92 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:41,146 Yeah! He'd love that. You should definitely do that. 93 00:06:41,197 --> 00:06:45,474 - Should I? - I'd say no one ever does that! 94 00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:47,552 He'll think you're hilarious. 95 00:06:47,596 --> 00:06:53,114 This is one of these times when I'm absolutely sure it's the right thing. 96 00:06:53,156 --> 00:06:57,752 I can safely say you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that. 97 00:06:57,796 --> 00:06:59,786 - I'm going to do it! - Brilliant! 98 00:06:59,835 --> 00:07:01,826 - Will I? - Yeah! Go on! 99 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,866 Hold the camera. 100 00:07:18,154 --> 00:07:20,748 I don't believe it! 101 00:07:54,752 --> 00:07:56,902 (Wilson ) I'll bloody well kill you! 102 00:08:08,831 --> 00:08:11,903 Well, what did he say? Did he laugh? 103 00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:16,148 No, no, no, not really. I'm going to sit down now. 104 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:20,980 Oh, God, no! I could never be one of those have-a-go heroes. 105 00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:23,863 I didn't know my own strength. 106 00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:25,901 I heard his arm snap... 107 00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:30,865 then it was just a case of lying on top of him until the filth arrived. 108 00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:36,064 We'd better be off, Mrs Doyle. I'll get this. 109 00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:39,306 Oh, no, Mrs Dineen. I'll get this. 110 00:08:39,349 --> 00:08:42,705 No, now don't be silly. I'll pay. 111 00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:45,661 You won't! Put that away. 112 00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:47,983 Now, don't be stupid, Mrs Doyle. 113 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,258 No, no, no, no! 114 00:08:50,308 --> 00:08:52,617 Now, just put your money away. 115 00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:55,785 You're mad! No, no, no, no. 116 00:09:03,907 --> 00:09:06,705 (Crow screeching, Jack shouting) 117 00:09:10,347 --> 00:09:12,907 Fecking birds again. 118 00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:37,022 Drink! 119 00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:48,816 Take the money! Take the money! 120 00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:51,298 (Both shouting and screaming) 121 00:09:51,344 --> 00:09:52,982 Get off! 122 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:56,858 - I'm writing a cheque. - No, you're not! 123 00:09:56,904 --> 00:09:59,338 - I am. - Give me that cheque book! 124 00:09:59,384 --> 00:10:01,375 Hello, police? 125 00:10:05,463 --> 00:10:07,294 (Chatter) 126 00:10:07,343 --> 00:10:08,935 (Man ) We understand. 127 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:12,419 Then...I was drinking over a pint of vodka a day. 128 00:10:12,463 --> 00:10:14,738 Yes! 129 00:10:15,903 --> 00:10:19,497 Yes. All I could think about was where to get the next drink. 130 00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:21,772 Drink! 131 00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:25,534 I didn't give a damn about my wife or kids. 132 00:10:25,582 --> 00:10:27,254 Nah! 133 00:10:28,262 --> 00:10:32,016 Now, with all of your help, I'm coming through it. 134 00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:34,894 I'm just taking it one day at a time. 135 00:10:34,941 --> 00:10:36,977 (Group ) That's good. 136 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:44,090 Thank you, Ronald. Now, I notice we have a new member with us today. 137 00:10:45,141 --> 00:10:48,372 Father? Would you like to tell us your story? 138 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,579 Drink! 139 00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,576 Drink! 140 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,855 - Drink! - We hear you. Let it all out. 141 00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:10,175 Drink! 142 00:11:10,619 --> 00:11:13,611 It's so true. So true... 143 00:11:17,019 --> 00:11:18,930 This rock here is granite. 144 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:22,971 - How long has that been there? - Oh, many millions of years. 145 00:11:23,018 --> 00:11:26,647 Really? As long as that? That is fascinating. 146 00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:30,895 How come all the rocks are different sizes? 147 00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:34,931 Well, you know...rocks are generally different sizes. 148 00:11:34,978 --> 00:11:39,095 Wow! I'm finding out all kinds of new things about rocks. 149 00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:44,172 Of course, at this time, most of the area was under water. 150 00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:49,092 - How did everyone breathe? - They had some sort of apparatus. 151 00:11:49,137 --> 00:11:52,128 Right. Wow! Look at that rock over there. 152 00:11:52,176 --> 00:11:54,610 This is the oldest part of our tour. 153 00:11:54,656 --> 00:11:57,614 This cave was formed 15 million years ago. 154 00:11:57,656 --> 00:12:00,489 Wow. I don't believe it. 155 00:12:01,976 --> 00:12:03,853 You again. 156 00:12:03,896 --> 00:12:06,888 Get out of it. I never want to see you again. 157 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,851 Bastard! 158 00:12:12,135 --> 00:12:14,171 That path's not open to the... 159 00:12:15,215 --> 00:12:18,093 Mr Wilson, could I say how sorry I am. 160 00:12:18,135 --> 00:12:22,526 That's all right. I just don't want to hear that bloody catchphrase. 161 00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:26,327 (Thinks ) 'I don't believe it! 162 00:12:26,374 --> 00:12:29,047 'I don't believe it!!' 163 00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,770 I'm sure we came in this way. 164 00:12:32,814 --> 00:12:36,045 Ted, I'm so hungry I'm beginning to hallucinate. 165 00:12:36,094 --> 00:12:40,962 Don't exaggerate. And stop worrying, we'll get out of here in no time. 166 00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:43,573 Let's try this way. 167 00:12:43,613 --> 00:12:47,083 - (Ghostly wail) - Ted, what's that? 168 00:12:47,973 --> 00:12:51,886 - What's what? - Oooooh! 169 00:12:53,812 --> 00:12:56,007 Ted! 170 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:03,248 # I see a little silhouetto of a man Scaramouch, Scaramouch 171 00:13:03,292 --> 00:13:05,010 # Will you do the fandango? 172 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,566 # Thunderbolt and lightning Very very frightening 173 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:08,885 # Me 174 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:11,445 # Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo 175 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,608 # Galileo, Figaro, magnifico-o-o-o 176 00:13:14,651 --> 00:13:16,846 # I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me 177 00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:19,451 # He's just a poor boy from a poor family 178 00:13:19,491 --> 00:13:22,563 # Save him his life from this monstrosity 179 00:13:22,611 --> 00:13:25,920 # Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No! 180 00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:27,642 # We will not let you go 181 00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:30,568 # Bismillah, will not let you go Let me go 182 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,727 # No, no, no, no, no, no, NO... # 183 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:36,762 - Noel, I've... - # Mama Mia, let me go 184 00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:40,324 # Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me 185 00:13:40,369 --> 00:13:42,325 # For me 186 00:13:42,369 --> 00:13:45,327 # For me # 187 00:13:50,249 --> 00:13:52,888 As I was saying... 188 00:13:52,929 --> 00:13:57,001 we should try and find an exit before the caves close. 189 00:13:57,048 --> 00:14:00,245 - Good idea, Father. - How long have you been in here? 190 00:14:00,288 --> 00:14:04,167 Two days now, Father. At least, I think it's two days. 191 00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:06,358 We've been having a great laugh! 192 00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:14,006 I er...I just think that everyone would like to get out and get home. 193 00:14:14,047 --> 00:14:18,837 Who can screech the loudest? Let's have a screeching competition! 194 00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:20,878 I'll go first... 195 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,718 Gerry Fields, your go. 196 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:25,917 - I'd rather not, Father. - Go on! 197 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:31,325 - It's easy-peasy! - I really think we should get out. 198 00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:36,201 God, maybe you're right. If not, we might have to eat each other! 199 00:14:36,246 --> 00:14:39,636 Like in that film Alive, where they get in a plane crash 200 00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:42,438 and they have to eat all their friends. 201 00:14:42,485 --> 00:14:44,635 Look! Here's me eating Tony! 202 00:14:46,805 --> 00:14:50,081 Tony's going, "No, get off me, I'm not dead yet!" 203 00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:55,039 I'd be going, "But I'm hungry, Tony." 204 00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:58,872 And Tony'd be, "Oh, no, go away," wouldn't you, Tony? 205 00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:05,274 Here's Tony's parents when they hear that I've eaten Tony! 206 00:15:07,404 --> 00:15:10,396 "Why did you eat Tony? He was our only son." 207 00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:15,079 Then, I'd be at the funeral. 208 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,796 I'd be going, "Better not show my..." 209 00:15:17,843 --> 00:15:19,799 Will you shut up, will you? 210 00:15:19,843 --> 00:15:24,473 Will you please shut up? Will you shut up, shut up, shut up? 211 00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:33,315 Well... 212 00:15:35,442 --> 00:15:37,433 Well, I've never... 213 00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,600 I've never... 214 00:15:40,642 --> 00:15:43,872 Tony, I'm putting you on my list of enemies. 215 00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:53,076 There... You're in for it now, Tony. 216 00:15:54,681 --> 00:15:57,400 Ha! Only joking! Look what I've written! 217 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,636 Come on, someone else for the screeching competition. 218 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,673 Janine Reilly, she'd love a go! Go on, it's easy! 219 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,356 I wouldn't do that, Noel. 220 00:16:15,359 --> 00:16:17,111 Seriously, Noel. 221 00:16:27,199 --> 00:16:31,032 So, it was me, Father Collis and Father Duggan, 222 00:16:31,078 --> 00:16:34,627 and you'd think that someone like Chris Evans 223 00:16:34,678 --> 00:16:38,910 wouldn't want to hang around with us. And you'd be right! 224 00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:41,916 He didn't want to hang around with us at all! 225 00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,994 Ted, I'm going mad. 226 00:16:47,477 --> 00:16:52,073 Yes, Noel, are you not worried about being trapped under those rocks? 227 00:16:52,117 --> 00:16:54,631 Not at all! You're here to keep me company 228 00:16:54,677 --> 00:16:57,794 and the Youth Group will be back with help soon. 229 00:16:57,837 --> 00:17:01,988 They said they'd find the tour guide, tell him what happened, 230 00:17:02,036 --> 00:17:03,628 and come right back. 231 00:17:03,676 --> 00:17:05,871 That's four tickets to Paraguay. 232 00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:10,988 But I liked The English Patient. 233 00:17:11,036 --> 00:17:14,233 Mmm. Very confusing and far-fetched 234 00:17:14,276 --> 00:17:16,391 and very, very boring. 235 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,995 It was my kind of film. Hmm. 236 00:17:19,035 --> 00:17:22,107 Oh, oh. I like The Piano as well. 237 00:17:22,155 --> 00:17:25,909 Did you see Harvey k eitel running around in the nip! 238 00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:27,911 Did you see that, Ted? 239 00:17:31,514 --> 00:17:33,948 Ted? Ted? 240 00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:38,713 I hate leaving Noel but we can't help by just listening to him. 241 00:17:38,754 --> 00:17:41,632 At least he'll be safe under those rocks. 242 00:17:42,914 --> 00:17:45,667 Let's just get out then worry about Noel. 243 00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:47,829 God, where is this exit? 244 00:17:50,113 --> 00:17:54,265 Aah! Ted, my tank top has turned into some sort of woman's bra! 245 00:17:56,113 --> 00:17:57,944 What? 246 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,063 It's after unravelling. 247 00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:03,783 Oh, my God, Dougal! 248 00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:08,502 We can find our way back with this. 249 00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:13,103 You must have snagged it. If we use this, we can find our way out. 250 00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:16,747 Thank God, Dougal! We'll be out in no time. 251 00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:20,147 Should you be winding it up? Shouldn't we follow it? 252 00:18:20,191 --> 00:18:21,510 What? 253 00:18:21,551 --> 00:18:25,180 What use will it be when you've finished winding it up? 254 00:18:26,431 --> 00:18:28,865 I don't believe it. 255 00:18:32,871 --> 00:18:37,182 (Ted's voice echoing) I don't believe it...believe it... 256 00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:42,429 Believe it... I don't believe it... 257 00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:45,826 (Echo continues ) 258 00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:48,179 (Screams ) 259 00:18:50,789 --> 00:18:52,188 Pub. 260 00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:53,947 Drink. 261 00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:59,145 Drink. Drink, drink, drink, drink. 262 00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:10,178 Don't do it, Father. I won't let you do it. 263 00:19:10,228 --> 00:19:13,140 I know it hurts but you'll thank me for... 264 00:19:18,428 --> 00:19:20,224 Oh, thank God. 265 00:19:23,827 --> 00:19:28,264 There's someone buried in the caves. He's Ok but you should go quickly. 266 00:19:28,307 --> 00:19:32,220 Please hurry. Come on, I want to go before they rescue him. 267 00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:52,019 Come on, Dougal, relax. The food will be here in a minute. 268 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,862 (Telephone rings ) 269 00:19:55,305 --> 00:19:56,420 Hello? 270 00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:59,980 - Is that Father Crilly? - Yes, this is him. 271 00:20:00,025 --> 00:20:04,098 We've been looking for you all night. Do you know a Mrs Doyle? 272 00:20:04,145 --> 00:20:06,863 First name, Mrs... (Fire bell rings ) ..Doyle? 273 00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:13,656 Er, do I know a Mrs... (Plates smash) ..Doyle? Erm... 274 00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:15,899 We do, Ted. 275 00:20:15,944 --> 00:20:18,583 Yes, she's our housekeeper. 276 00:20:18,624 --> 00:20:24,061 Can you come to the police station? She's been in a spot of trouble. 277 00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:27,982 Now, Mrs Dineen, if there's a fine, I'll pay it. 278 00:20:29,263 --> 00:20:32,494 - No, no, no... - Thank you, Father. 279 00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:38,373 Father Hackett! 280 00:20:39,422 --> 00:20:42,255 Dougal, there's no time to eat that. 281 00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:45,931 We have to get Mrs Doyle and Mrs Dineen... (Phone rings ) 282 00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:50,453 ..and Father Jack out of prison. Come on. 283 00:20:53,381 --> 00:20:55,417 I'm very, very sorry. 284 00:20:59,021 --> 00:21:02,980 You wouldn't have a lasagne or a chicken curry or something? 285 00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:04,977 No. 286 00:21:05,021 --> 00:21:08,695 Ok, I'll just have a bag of chips and a Fanta orange as well. 287 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:11,736 This is a police station. 288 00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:16,535 Right...in that case, just the chicken satay and pilau rice. 289 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:21,131 I hope you don't think this happens all the time. 290 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,773 We're not all criminals in the church. 291 00:21:23,819 --> 00:21:26,287 I hope this won't put you off Mass. 292 00:21:26,339 --> 00:21:28,409 I'm a Protestant, Father. 293 00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:30,689 Really? Ah... 294 00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:37,292 It's a straight choice, Father - a £200 fine or a night in the cells. 295 00:21:39,058 --> 00:21:43,449 Well, I wouldn't have that kind of money on me. 296 00:21:43,498 --> 00:21:48,936 In the circumstances, a night in the cells might be the better option. 297 00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:51,849 - Ted... - Shut up, Dougal. 298 00:21:51,898 --> 00:21:53,694 - Ted. - Dougal, be quiet. 299 00:21:53,737 --> 00:21:56,092 - I was... - All right, all right! 300 00:21:56,137 --> 00:21:59,732 Here. Here's your blood money! But let me say this, 301 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:02,575 once, the police were friends of the Church. 302 00:22:02,617 --> 00:22:05,927 Drunk-driving charges quashed, parking tickets torn up. 303 00:22:05,977 --> 00:22:08,366 Even a blind eye to murder but now... 304 00:22:08,417 --> 00:22:11,408 And you, are you satisfied? I gave him the money. 305 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:15,415 "Ted, give him the £200 you won." Well, I did. Happy? 306 00:22:15,456 --> 00:22:20,371 Once again, you've made me look an idiot in front of real people. 307 00:22:21,576 --> 00:22:23,771 Thank you so much. 308 00:22:23,816 --> 00:22:28,013 Right, to be honest, Ted, I forgot you had the money. 309 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,205 I was going to say your fly's open. 310 00:22:45,854 --> 00:22:50,450 God, what did I say? There's always trouble on the mainland. 311 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:54,885 I'm never going there again unless it's completely unavoidable. 312 00:22:54,934 --> 00:22:57,288 Which, it isn't. Unfortunately. 313 00:23:00,653 --> 00:23:02,484 (Door bell) 314 00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:15,886 Oh...I...I... 315 00:23:15,932 --> 00:23:18,890 don't believe it! 316 00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:53,567 # Fat bottomed girls they make the rocking world go round # 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net