1 00:00:47,638 --> 00:00:49,629 Ted! How are ya? 2 00:00:50,678 --> 00:00:55,672 Ah, Dougal! Hello there. Did you have a good time? 3 00:00:55,718 --> 00:00:56,946 What? 4 00:00:56,998 --> 00:00:58,556 Great! 5 00:00:58,598 --> 00:01:00,793 Everything here's been fine. 6 00:01:00,838 --> 00:01:05,435 Nothing wrong here at all. There's no problems here at all. 7 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,957 So, how was the school reunion? 8 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,433 (k eep talking.) 9 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,713 Oh, ahem... I was at the old school reunion... 10 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,558 (Where's this go? ) 11 00:01:41,641 --> 00:01:45,190 Father, do you think a cup of tea might calm you down? 12 00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,516 Father McGuire, you're back! Thank God! 13 00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:52,312 You've got to do something! 14 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:55,672 Father Crilly's gone mad. It's this football thing. 15 00:01:56,482 --> 00:01:58,950 God Almighty, that time of the year again! 16 00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:03,121 Yes. And he thinks Father Byrne's trying to find out his tactics. 17 00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:06,917 It's only a stupid game of football, for goodness' sake! 18 00:02:06,963 --> 00:02:08,760 Mrs Doyle, I'm sorry but no! 19 00:02:09,803 --> 00:02:12,237 There's nothing stupid about football. 20 00:02:12,283 --> 00:02:16,162 And nothing stupid about the annual All Priests 5-a-Side Over 75s' 21 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:21,072 indoor football challenge match against Rugged Island. 22 00:02:36,325 --> 00:02:38,964 Please, Father. Do something. Oh! 23 00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:45,556 Anyway, Dougal, you were saying? About the school reunion? 24 00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:47,596 Well, I didn't recognise any of them. 25 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,795 Guess what? They'd all become firemen. 26 00:02:49,845 --> 00:02:52,803 I was the only one who wasn't a fireman. How's that? 27 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:03,276 Dougal, er...you didn't go to a fire station by mistake? 28 00:03:03,326 --> 00:03:05,715 Ah... 29 00:03:10,246 --> 00:03:12,885 Ted, come on. You're going a bit mad. 30 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,201 I don't know what you're talking about! 31 00:03:15,246 --> 00:03:19,365 There's nothing wrong with me, everything with me is fine. 32 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:22,843 Ted, I'm going to have to do something you won't like. 33 00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:27,199 Call it female intuition, or whatever the male equivalent is. 34 00:03:27,247 --> 00:03:30,445 But this isn't going to go down well in the Ted camp. 35 00:03:30,488 --> 00:03:32,479 I think... 36 00:03:35,008 --> 00:03:37,727 Sorry. You were going a bit too mad. 37 00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:40,282 My God, what have I done? 38 00:03:40,328 --> 00:03:42,842 Look at the room! 39 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:46,085 You're right, Dougal, I have to get a hold of myself. 40 00:03:55,328 --> 00:03:58,843 Ted, being bugged by Dick Byrne, that's not likely, is it? 41 00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:02,246 Come on, Ted. Look at you! You look terrible. 42 00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:04,565 I've been having trouble sleeping. 43 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:09,126 I'm going to try this stuff, Dreamy Sleepy Nightie Snoozy Snooze. 44 00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,367 Dreamy Sleepy Nightie Snoozy Snooze. 45 00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,880 Yes. It's a bran-based alcoholic chocolate sleeping aid. 46 00:04:15,930 --> 00:04:19,889 It's banned in most European countries. That means it's very good. 47 00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:23,843 I'll go and get us both an ice cream. That'll calm us down. 48 00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:25,960 Ah, that'd be nice. 49 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,125 Where are you going to get an ice cream? 50 00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:35,243 - There's a van outside. - Is there? 51 00:04:37,971 --> 00:04:40,201 It's not going to sell much ice cream there. 52 00:04:41,291 --> 00:04:44,125 They're on to us, Cyril! Go, go, go, go... 53 00:04:44,172 --> 00:04:46,163 (Tyres screeching) 54 00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:53,925 Come on, Father Cullen! Get your arse in gear! 55 00:04:53,972 --> 00:04:58,170 Father Whelan, you can move faster than that! Get into it! 56 00:04:58,212 --> 00:05:01,171 Missing the target from there, you need shooting! 57 00:05:02,493 --> 00:05:07,521 I'm very tired. I'm 85! 58 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:10,292 God, that's a defeatist attitude, Father Cullen! 59 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,893 I'm holding you back for extra training! 60 00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:16,403 You'll stay here until seven! Do 15 laps of the pitch! 61 00:05:16,453 --> 00:05:17,488 But... 62 00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,649 Off you go... 63 00:05:25,173 --> 00:05:28,166 I don't know! The attitude of those lads. 64 00:05:28,214 --> 00:05:32,094 There was a time when the over 75's team putting their hearts into it... 65 00:05:32,135 --> 00:05:35,844 kick the (BLEEP) ball! What's wrong with you?! 66 00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:37,294 All over the place. 67 00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:44,209 Dick Byrne's lot have a new fella. He's flip hot - an Italian! 68 00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:47,770 Oh, the Italians know about football. And the world of fashion. 69 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:51,091 Do you remember that fella who was so good at fashion 70 00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:53,205 they had to shoot him? 71 00:05:55,735 --> 00:05:59,092 Where's Nick Doorley? Father Jack's not here, Nick's not... 72 00:05:59,136 --> 00:06:03,368 Our main bloody strike force and they're not bloody here! 73 00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:06,249 You wouldn't think Father Jack could play football. 74 00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:12,645 No, then you see him... Beautiful player. Poetry in motion. 75 00:06:12,697 --> 00:06:16,485 Did you tell me once Jack had a trial with Liverpool? 76 00:06:16,537 --> 00:06:19,097 No, he was on trial in Liverpool. 77 00:06:20,617 --> 00:06:22,494 I wonder where Nick is. 78 00:06:22,537 --> 00:06:25,654 God, yeah. Jack's good but if anything happened to Nick... 79 00:06:25,697 --> 00:06:27,688 we'd be up to our necks in flip. 80 00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:29,933 And with this new fella on Dick's team, 81 00:06:29,978 --> 00:06:32,970 we need Nick at the very peak of his powers. 82 00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:41,128 So, there's no way he'll be able to play? 83 00:06:44,298 --> 00:06:46,971 No. No, he's dead. 84 00:06:50,538 --> 00:06:53,531 It's completely out of the question, then? 85 00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:58,410 Is it? Is it completely out of the question? 86 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,452 Ted, you're clutching at straws. C'mon lads. 87 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,331 (Ted) You're right. 88 00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:05,450 (Fax machine bleeps ) 89 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,770 Ah, isn't that nice? 90 00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:15,177 "Sorry to hear you died," from Father Heggaty in Chicago. 91 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,336 Does that coffin has a fax machine? 92 00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:21,372 Yes, it's the latest thing. Look at this... 93 00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:25,811 This display tells you how long you've been buried... 94 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:31,060 and this one tells you how deep down the coffin is. Isn't it amazing? 95 00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:33,092 With these humidity controls, 96 00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:36,691 Father Nick won't start decaying till...sometime next year. 97 00:07:36,742 --> 00:07:39,620 Niall, you must stop buying this catalogue stuff. 98 00:07:39,662 --> 00:07:42,051 It's a complete waste of money. 99 00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:44,616 I mean, look, a remote control wheelchair. 100 00:07:44,662 --> 00:07:46,653 Why would you need that? 101 00:07:46,702 --> 00:07:49,899 You probably get more use from those fake joke arms. 102 00:07:49,942 --> 00:07:53,821 Oh, those... They seemed funny at the time. 103 00:07:55,702 --> 00:07:58,900 They reminded me of my own arms. 104 00:07:59,943 --> 00:08:02,173 Fake arms! Niall, honestly! 105 00:08:02,223 --> 00:08:06,136 What situation could ever need a radio-controlled wheelchair, 106 00:08:06,183 --> 00:08:08,572 or a pair of joke arms? 107 00:08:08,623 --> 00:08:11,933 Only, I would imagine, a completely ludicrous one. 108 00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:13,416 Yes. 109 00:08:15,183 --> 00:08:18,493 Do you think you can win this match without Father Nick? 110 00:08:18,543 --> 00:08:22,014 I don't know. He has a great partnership with... 111 00:08:22,064 --> 00:08:26,775 Had, he had a great partnership with Father Jack up front. 112 00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:30,738 God, if Dick Byrne wins... We're using the forfeit system again. 113 00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:33,936 Last year when we lost... 114 00:08:35,025 --> 00:08:37,858 Dick made me photocopy my own rear end. 115 00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:42,060 - (Phone ) - Excuse me. 116 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,619 They'll never let me back in that library again. 117 00:08:47,705 --> 00:08:50,583 Hello? Oh, it's for you. 118 00:08:55,585 --> 00:08:57,178 Hello? 119 00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:59,786 (Dick) 'I am going to win again, Ted!' 120 00:09:00,826 --> 00:09:04,740 Ha! That's what you think, Dick Byrne, but we've got some... 121 00:09:04,787 --> 00:09:07,381 Wait a minute! How did you know I was here? 122 00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:10,419 (Dial tone, ice cream van jingle ) 123 00:09:14,747 --> 00:09:17,625 Damn you, Father Dick Byrne! 124 00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,777 Yeah, all right, all right. 125 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:30,820 More bad news, Dougal. Oh, no, no, no... 126 00:09:30,868 --> 00:09:33,336 I've just spoken to Father Ned Fitzmorris. 127 00:09:33,388 --> 00:09:37,984 He tripped on a paving stone and one of his kneecaps fell off. 128 00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:42,419 There's no way round it. I'm going to have to put him in goal. 129 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:48,021 God, Ted, I can't wait to get back into the old physio role again. 130 00:09:48,069 --> 00:09:50,583 Running on to the pitch with the magic sponge 131 00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:52,620 and doing all physio-type things. 132 00:09:52,669 --> 00:09:55,582 Dougal, do you know what the sponge does? 133 00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:59,144 It...soaks up germs. 134 00:10:03,550 --> 00:10:06,747 Dougal, I don't want you to take this the wrong way... 135 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,588 but I was thinking of a new role for you this year. 136 00:10:09,630 --> 00:10:11,029 Right... 137 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:16,747 Erm... I'd like you to... keep an eye on the corner flags, 138 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:19,258 and make sure no one steals them. 139 00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:21,948 Ah, thank God. 140 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:26,064 I thought you were going to give me something completely stupid to do. 141 00:10:26,111 --> 00:10:29,661 But, wow! Watching the corner flags! Big responsibility. 142 00:10:31,112 --> 00:10:33,103 Football, football, football, 143 00:10:33,152 --> 00:10:36,986 football, football, football, football, football, football! 144 00:10:37,032 --> 00:10:39,705 What you men see in it, I don't know. 145 00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:42,744 A load of men kicking a bit of leather around a field. 146 00:10:43,552 --> 00:10:47,750 You men! The things you think are great fun! 147 00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:51,467 Like going to the films. Men sitting around looking at films. 148 00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:57,223 And roller coasters! A load of men going up and down on a metal track. 149 00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:03,429 And sailing! A load of men in a big boat floating around in the sea. 150 00:11:04,753 --> 00:11:10,146 And shouting! A load of men going around shouting! And so forth. 151 00:11:11,194 --> 00:11:15,028 Well, Mrs Doyle, there's more to football than you think. 152 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:18,544 In fact, I got you a book about it. 153 00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:27,113 All right, Father, I'll give it a go. 154 00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:31,787 Ted, Jack's been like that for a good long time. 155 00:11:31,835 --> 00:11:34,429 He wouldn't be dead again, would he? 156 00:11:34,475 --> 00:11:38,707 Ah, no. He's probably dreaming of his old sporting days. 157 00:11:53,115 --> 00:11:55,233 More water. 158 00:12:08,357 --> 00:12:10,427 Well, today's the day. 159 00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:16,591 - Got the hang of it yet, Dougal? - It's harder than you think, Ted. 160 00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:19,105 The trick is to try and keep your eye on it. 161 00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:21,148 Argh! 162 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,275 Ah, hello, Ted. 163 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,551 I was...er...just... eating...my breakfast. 164 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,588 Dougal, that's a fib. 165 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,437 What are you really doing? 166 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:08,268 I...I've lost the flag, Ted. 167 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:12,154 I just put it down for a second and the next thing it was gone. 168 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,192 Ted, you're going to have to give me an easier job. 169 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,878 It's too much, too soon. 170 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,031 Dougal. Look at Father Jack. 171 00:13:21,081 --> 00:13:23,642 Would he give up so easily? 172 00:13:24,642 --> 00:13:28,601 Look at that steely determination. That air of defiance. 173 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,439 That... 174 00:13:30,482 --> 00:13:34,077 I've just realised, Jack's been asleep for 14 days. 175 00:13:44,922 --> 00:13:46,480 Oh, my God! 176 00:13:46,522 --> 00:13:51,277 He's drunk an entire bottle of Dreamy Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze! 177 00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:53,314 (Dramatic music) 178 00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:56,953 Go on... 179 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,994 my son. 180 00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:15,682 Well, there he is, Ted. 181 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:21,401 Father Romeo Sensini. 17 caps for the Vatican Over 75s. 182 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:25,484 Looks after himself. Drinks only very, very fine wine. 183 00:14:25,525 --> 00:14:27,800 Can climb two flights of stairs. 184 00:14:27,845 --> 00:14:31,155 Needs only one nun to help him get out of a chair. 185 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:34,242 - You haven't a chance. - That's what you think, Dick. 186 00:14:34,285 --> 00:14:37,038 Father Hackett's been through rigorous training. 187 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,280 - He's never been fitter. - Ha! 188 00:14:44,605 --> 00:14:46,597 (Snoring) 189 00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:52,364 (Ted) Father! Father, please wake up! 190 00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:54,477 What are we going to do? 191 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:59,442 I can't believe we're in this completely ludicrous...situation. 192 00:15:19,087 --> 00:15:21,079 God Almighty, Mrs Doyle, 193 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,086 how could you find this type of thing interesting? 194 00:15:24,128 --> 00:15:26,847 That's what I thought. Sit down. 195 00:15:26,888 --> 00:15:28,800 Look at this. 196 00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:31,840 Ooh! 197 00:15:33,289 --> 00:15:35,439 Ready? Ready? 198 00:15:39,529 --> 00:15:40,723 (Whistle ) 199 00:16:14,291 --> 00:16:16,805 Close him down! Close him down! 200 00:16:25,212 --> 00:16:28,363 Ah, Mary, have you got me glasses? 201 00:16:33,052 --> 00:16:35,043 Sensini's got an open goal. 202 00:16:35,092 --> 00:16:39,210 If we don't do something he's going to score in a matter of minutes. 203 00:16:56,254 --> 00:16:58,484 Where did he come from? 204 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:03,526 Get rid of it! Get rid of it! 205 00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:04,689 What? 206 00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:09,444 Turn around! Concentrate on the game! 207 00:17:10,494 --> 00:17:12,803 Is that Father Crilly? 208 00:17:12,854 --> 00:17:14,526 Hello, Father. 209 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:25,325 Someone's going to have to get tighter on the Italian. 210 00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:28,048 Go wide! Go wide! 211 00:17:31,695 --> 00:17:33,686 Argh! 212 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,612 # You're not singing you're not singing 213 00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:41,693 # You're not singing any more! 214 00:17:41,736 --> 00:17:45,251 # You're not singing any more! # 215 00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:46,649 Penalty! 216 00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:51,088 Typical Italian. 217 00:17:59,737 --> 00:18:02,297 (Rapid heartbeats ) 218 00:18:02,337 --> 00:18:04,692 (Very slow heartbeat) 219 00:18:18,257 --> 00:18:21,012 He's sent the keeper the wrong way! 220 00:18:24,339 --> 00:18:26,728 Yes! 221 00:18:26,779 --> 00:18:29,373 Oh! Goal! Goal! Yes! 222 00:18:29,419 --> 00:18:33,173 (Dick) Yes! Yes! Goal! 223 00:18:33,219 --> 00:18:37,735 Listen! I know you're tired and have to be back in the home by eight. 224 00:18:37,779 --> 00:18:39,371 But remember one thing... 225 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:43,207 You are carrying the whole of Craggy Island on your shoulders. 226 00:18:43,259 --> 00:18:45,454 - Metaphor! - It's my back. 227 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:49,652 Jim, it's a metaphor, didn't mean it literally. Don't jump into the flow. 228 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:52,817 Now, play the best game of what remains of your lives. 229 00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:56,933 I want you to rip Dick's team to shreds. Metaphor again, Jim. 230 00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:01,609 Now, get out there and let's lick some arse! 231 00:19:03,301 --> 00:19:05,292 kick some arse! 232 00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:11,732 We're going to win, Cyril. 233 00:19:12,661 --> 00:19:15,050 I want a souvenir of this game. 234 00:19:15,101 --> 00:19:17,137 Go get me a corner flag. 235 00:19:18,182 --> 00:19:20,218 Go get me a corner flag. 236 00:19:20,262 --> 00:19:22,253 Oh, yeah. Yes. 237 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,651 Good! 238 00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:44,693 Go on, Father Jack. Go! 239 00:19:44,742 --> 00:19:46,734 (Mrs Doyle ) Come on! 240 00:19:46,783 --> 00:19:48,979 (Crowd cheering) 241 00:20:03,024 --> 00:20:04,742 Hey! 242 00:20:07,784 --> 00:20:09,376 Oh. 243 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:13,063 You're shit! Ah! 244 00:20:34,906 --> 00:20:37,545 Open goal! Go on Father Cullen! 245 00:20:38,586 --> 00:20:39,939 What? 246 00:20:39,986 --> 00:20:43,023 Don't look at me! You've only the keeper to beat! 247 00:20:45,906 --> 00:20:47,943 Go on! Go on! 248 00:20:54,707 --> 00:20:56,823 Yes! Yes! 249 00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,423 Have I done something wrong? 250 00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:03,860 Whoo! 251 00:21:34,949 --> 00:21:36,860 Better luck next year, lads! 252 00:21:39,429 --> 00:21:41,704 You lost, Cyril. 253 00:21:41,749 --> 00:21:44,661 Goodbye, Dick. Goodbye, Cyril! 254 00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:46,860 Can they not stay and have a drink? 255 00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:50,107 No. Dick has to go home and do his forfeit. 256 00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:52,061 The forfeit! What is it? 257 00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:56,184 Dick... He has to kiss Cyril on the cheek! 258 00:21:56,231 --> 00:22:00,588 Brilliant! Cyril won't have a clue what's going on! 259 00:22:02,191 --> 00:22:05,786 Dick'll hate having to kiss a man! He's notoriously homophobic! 260 00:22:05,831 --> 00:22:08,982 Ted, you should have this. You deserve it. 261 00:22:09,031 --> 00:22:11,750 No. I think we'd better head on home. 262 00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:13,986 Ah, go on Ted, have a glass. 263 00:22:17,672 --> 00:22:19,867 Wait a second! 264 00:22:22,832 --> 00:22:24,823 These are fake hands! 265 00:22:32,272 --> 00:22:35,150 - Got the forfeit, Ted! - Oh, God. 266 00:22:35,192 --> 00:22:37,183 Dick said it was a special forfeit 267 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:39,349 because you're such a cheating bastard! 268 00:22:40,553 --> 00:22:44,068 All right, open it! The tension's killing me. 269 00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:47,709 Don't worry. He probably wants you to clean his car or some... 270 00:22:47,754 --> 00:22:50,666 What is it? Break it to me gently! 271 00:22:50,714 --> 00:22:55,230 All right. "Ted, by this time next week, you have to..." 272 00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:57,390 - What? - "You have to..." 273 00:22:59,594 --> 00:23:02,267 "kick Bishop Brennan up the arse!" 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net