1 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,796 (opening theme music) 2 00:00:26,724 --> 00:00:28,203 (braying) 3 00:00:29,884 --> 00:00:32,124 By Jove! 4 00:00:32,124 --> 00:00:33,484 It's warm tonight, isn't it, Fawlty? 5 00:00:33,484 --> 00:00:34,684 Certainly is, Major, yes. 6 00:00:34,684 --> 00:00:36,204 Very warm. 7 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,284 Can I get you another one? 8 00:00:37,284 --> 00:00:39,244 What? Well, why not indeed? 9 00:00:39,244 --> 00:00:41,004 What a very nice idea. 10 00:00:41,004 --> 00:00:42,604 (braying) 11 00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:45,204 Reminds me of somebody machine gunning a seal. 12 00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:46,284 The heat? 13 00:00:46,284 --> 00:00:47,604 No, no. My wife's laugh. 14 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:50,164 Ah, yes. 15 00:00:50,164 --> 00:00:51,724 Ah, good evening, Mrs. Peignoir. 16 00:00:51,724 --> 00:00:53,364 (French accent) Good evening. 17 00:00:53,364 --> 00:00:55,804 Thank you for your map. It was so useful. 18 00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:58,164 I must congratulate you. 19 00:00:58,164 --> 00:01:01,404 I had no idea how charming Torquay was. 20 00:01:01,404 --> 00:01:02,524 Enchanté. May I ask, 21 00:01:02,524 --> 00:01:04,364 did you find anything of interest? 22 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,964 Mm-hmm. A few pieces I like very much. 23 00:01:06,964 --> 00:01:10,244 And one, oh... I had to have it. 24 00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,204 Formidable. I'm so pleased. 25 00:01:12,204 --> 00:01:14,524 May I introduce Major Gowen, 26 00:01:14,524 --> 00:01:16,604 our longest standing resident? Mrs. Peignoir. 27 00:01:16,604 --> 00:01:17,964 How do you do, Major? 28 00:01:17,964 --> 00:01:19,364 How do you do, Madam? 29 00:01:19,364 --> 00:01:20,844 Mrs. Peignoir's an antique dealer. 30 00:01:20,844 --> 00:01:23,312 She's down here for a few days sniffing around for dainty relics. 31 00:01:24,324 --> 00:01:25,724 (Sybil braying) 32 00:01:25,724 --> 00:01:27,444 Please don't alarm yourself, 33 00:01:27,444 --> 00:01:28,884 it's only my wife laughing. 34 00:01:28,884 --> 00:01:31,164 I'm afraid her local finishing school was bombed. 35 00:01:31,164 --> 00:01:32,204 Oh, dear! 36 00:01:32,204 --> 00:01:33,924 No, no, not really. Just a thought. 37 00:01:33,924 --> 00:01:35,364 Well now, what can I get you? 38 00:01:35,364 --> 00:01:37,004 Do you have any Ricard? 39 00:01:37,004 --> 00:01:38,044 I'm sorry? 40 00:01:38,044 --> 00:01:39,204 Any Ricard? 41 00:01:39,204 --> 00:01:41,444 We're just out of it, I think. 42 00:01:41,444 --> 00:01:43,644 - Just a sherry then. - But of course. 43 00:01:43,644 --> 00:01:46,284 Tell me, are you, by any chance, 44 00:01:46,284 --> 00:01:47,604 French at all? 45 00:01:47,604 --> 00:01:49,244 Yes, I am. 46 00:01:49,244 --> 00:01:51,084 Good Lord! 47 00:01:51,084 --> 00:01:52,924 (braying) 48 00:01:52,924 --> 00:01:55,724 Enjoying yourself, dear? 49 00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,324 We, uh... we haven't put any nuts in the bowl, have we? 50 00:01:58,324 --> 00:02:00,084 I haven't. I don't know about you. 51 00:02:00,084 --> 00:02:01,404 Well, I'll do it then, shall I? 52 00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:03,324 That would be the simplest solution, dear. 53 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,604 Where's Manuel? 54 00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:07,484 We've given him the evening off, dear. It's his birthday. 55 00:02:07,484 --> 00:02:10,123 I mean, how old is he? Two and a half? 56 00:02:13,124 --> 00:02:16,404 Excuse me, there are no nuts here, Sybil. 57 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,201 No nuts! 58 00:02:19,204 --> 00:02:21,524 You'll find them in the kitchen. 59 00:02:21,524 --> 00:02:22,684 Oh, will I? 60 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,884 If you can bear to tear yourself away from Mrs. Peignoir, you will. 61 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,317 Do go on. 62 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,684 In 1918, I think. 63 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,164 Did you ever see that film, "How to Murder your Wife"? 64 00:02:34,164 --> 00:02:35,684 "How to Murder Your Wife"? 65 00:02:35,684 --> 00:02:38,124 Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times. 66 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,604 Very funny! 67 00:02:39,604 --> 00:02:41,435 (braying) 68 00:02:42,604 --> 00:02:44,124 Are you all right, Mr. Fawlty? 69 00:02:44,124 --> 00:02:46,244 What? Yes, thank you very much. You all right? 70 00:02:46,244 --> 00:02:47,364 Yes. 71 00:02:47,364 --> 00:02:48,884 Good, good. We're all all right, then. 72 00:02:48,884 --> 00:02:51,884 (Basil imitating braying) Must be the heat. 73 00:02:51,884 --> 00:02:53,804 Yes, and he's getting taller, isn't he? 74 00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:55,524 I don't think he's very well, dear. 75 00:02:55,524 --> 00:02:57,964 I think we ought to take care of him. 76 00:02:57,964 --> 00:02:58,964 - Hello. - Hello. 77 00:02:58,964 --> 00:03:01,044 I think I left it over here somewhere. 78 00:03:01,044 --> 00:03:02,557 Hang on. 79 00:03:04,804 --> 00:03:06,404 Ah, here it is. 80 00:03:06,404 --> 00:03:07,804 See you tonight? 81 00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:09,157 Mm-hmm. C'mon. 82 00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,484 Yes! A single for tonight, is it? 83 00:03:17,484 --> 00:03:19,724 Mr. Fawlty, may I introduce Richard Turner? 84 00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:21,924 - I'm sorry? - He's a friend of mine. 85 00:03:21,924 --> 00:03:23,284 Oh! You know each other, do you? 86 00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:24,684 Just passing through, are you? 87 00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:26,084 There you go. See you tonight. 88 00:03:26,084 --> 00:03:29,004 Oh, we've opened a library, have we? How nice. 89 00:03:29,004 --> 00:03:31,244 Please don't leave on my account, Mr. Turnip. 90 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,004 - I'm sorry, Mr. Fawlty. - Now look, Polly. 91 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,124 - We were just saying goodbye... - I mean what sort of place 92 00:03:35,124 --> 00:03:39,404 do you think this is, a massage parlor? We are running a nice respectable high cl... 93 00:03:39,404 --> 00:03:41,404 I'm sorry, did I say something funny? 94 00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:42,964 No, I was, uh, just looking... 95 00:03:42,964 --> 00:03:44,964 No, obviously I said something frightfully comic. 96 00:03:44,964 --> 00:03:46,004 No, it's just the heat. 97 00:03:46,004 --> 00:03:48,924 Well, so long as I amuse the staff. That's all I'm here for. 98 00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:51,324 - I'll just take these in... - One other thing, Polly. 99 00:03:51,324 --> 00:03:54,124 I'm afraid we've abandoned the idea of the topless afternoon teas, 100 00:03:54,124 --> 00:03:57,404 so if you wouldn't mind changing before going where people may be trying to eat. 101 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,084 I was going to. 102 00:03:59,084 --> 00:04:00,764 Polly, would you come back here, please? 103 00:04:00,764 --> 00:04:02,484 I'm on form tonight. Yes, Mr. Fawlty? 104 00:04:02,484 --> 00:04:05,324 I know these kind of drawings are considered decent at art school. 105 00:04:05,324 --> 00:04:08,164 Would you please not leave them lying around on display at the reception? 106 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,724 I'll put them away when I've got some clothes on. 107 00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:12,123 I mean, really! 108 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,443 (telephone rings) 109 00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:21,877 Hello, Fawlty Titties. 110 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,764 Yes, yes. 111 00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:27,604 Oh, it's you, Audrey. Yes. 112 00:04:27,604 --> 00:04:30,204 Oh, he's left you again, has he? 113 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,644 Oh, dear... oh, dear. 114 00:04:32,644 --> 00:04:35,204 How sad, hmm... yes. 115 00:04:35,204 --> 00:04:37,604 Ah, good evening, Major. I'll be with you in just one moment. 116 00:04:37,604 --> 00:04:39,364 Well, I'll get her to call. 117 00:04:39,364 --> 00:04:41,524 Hmm... yes, well, keep your pecker up. Bye. 118 00:04:41,524 --> 00:04:43,003 Dreadful. 119 00:04:45,164 --> 00:04:46,404 Oh, stop it, Alan. 120 00:04:46,404 --> 00:04:47,632 R-ruff, ruff-ruff! 121 00:04:50,644 --> 00:04:52,564 Hello. 122 00:04:52,564 --> 00:04:54,124 We booked a room. 123 00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:55,884 - Have you? - Yes, a double one. 124 00:04:55,884 --> 00:04:58,284 - The name is... - One moment, please. 125 00:04:58,284 --> 00:04:59,924 - That's a nice suit. - What? 126 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,164 - Nothing. - I thought you said something 127 00:05:02,164 --> 00:05:03,444 No. (giggling) 128 00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:05,044 Are you all right? 129 00:05:05,044 --> 00:05:07,399 Yes, thank you. Aah! 130 00:05:09,404 --> 00:05:11,644 - Are we ready? - I think we are, yes. 131 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,484 May I have your name, please? 132 00:05:13,484 --> 00:05:14,804 Yes, it's Bruce. 133 00:05:14,804 --> 00:05:16,204 - Mr. And Mrs. Bruce. - That's right. 134 00:05:16,204 --> 00:05:17,764 Is it a double bed? 135 00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:19,004 I beg your pardon? 136 00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:21,004 Has our room got a double bed? 137 00:05:21,004 --> 00:05:23,204 - A double bed? - Yes. 138 00:05:23,204 --> 00:05:25,644 We've only got one double bed, I mean, do you want that? 139 00:05:25,644 --> 00:05:26,844 Oh, very much indeed. Yes. 140 00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:28,804 Well, I'll have to put you in number 12 then. 141 00:05:28,804 --> 00:05:31,324 - All right. - I mean... oh, never mind. 142 00:05:31,324 --> 00:05:32,837 Has it got a breeze? 143 00:05:33,844 --> 00:05:36,484 Has it got a breeze? 144 00:05:36,484 --> 00:05:38,284 Well, is it airy? 145 00:05:38,284 --> 00:05:40,164 Well, there's air in it. I mean, what the... 146 00:05:40,164 --> 00:05:41,724 Oh, I think there's a letter for me. 147 00:05:41,724 --> 00:05:44,044 - What? - There's a letter for me there. 148 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,956 - No, there isn't. - Yes. Jean Wilson. 149 00:05:48,604 --> 00:05:50,404 - Jean Wilson, is this you? - Mm-hmm. 150 00:05:50,404 --> 00:05:51,404 Heh heh heh! 151 00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:52,964 Now, what's going on here? 152 00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:55,604 Well, I can't give you a double room, then. 153 00:05:55,604 --> 00:05:57,124 - Oh, look... - It's against the law. 154 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,364 - What law? - The law of England. 155 00:05:58,364 --> 00:05:59,404 Nothing to do with me. 156 00:05:59,404 --> 00:06:01,604 - Nothing to do with you? - Nothing at all. 157 00:06:01,604 --> 00:06:03,404 I can give you two singles, if you like, but... 158 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,404 Shall we go somewhere else? 159 00:06:05,404 --> 00:06:07,204 Excuse me. 160 00:06:07,204 --> 00:06:09,124 There's my key. 161 00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:11,204 And now, I'm off to paint the town red. 162 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,604 Thank you so much. 163 00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,924 Well, uh... perhaps I'll see you later this evening? 164 00:06:14,924 --> 00:06:17,392 Yes, my wife and I will be up till quite late tonight, thank you. 165 00:06:19,084 --> 00:06:20,244 I don't believe a word! 166 00:06:20,244 --> 00:06:22,524 Excuse me. We'll have two singles then, 167 00:06:22,524 --> 00:06:24,364 if that's all right with the police? 168 00:06:24,364 --> 00:06:26,404 Two singles, certainly. Now... 169 00:06:26,404 --> 00:06:28,844 - Next to each other. - Next to each other... 170 00:06:28,844 --> 00:06:31,244 Oh dear, we can't do that. What a shame. 171 00:06:31,244 --> 00:06:32,884 - Good evening. - Good evening. 172 00:06:32,884 --> 00:06:35,204 - A double, is it? - We'd like a double. 173 00:06:35,204 --> 00:06:37,924 (softly) Two singles, dear. Not married. Now... 174 00:06:37,924 --> 00:06:39,204 What? 175 00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:40,644 Nothing, dear. I'm dealing with it. 176 00:06:40,644 --> 00:06:44,004 Well, 17 and 18 are free. You'd have to share a bath. 177 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,764 No... Oh, uh, Audrey called. I'll handle it. 178 00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:47,964 George has left her again. 179 00:06:47,964 --> 00:06:48,964 Oh, no. 180 00:06:48,964 --> 00:06:51,444 Now, we've got one on the first floor, one right up at the top. 181 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,564 - Shall I deal with this, Basil? - I'm dealing with it, dear. 182 00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:56,404 No, that's all right. You wanted two singles? 183 00:06:56,404 --> 00:06:57,644 I said I'd deal with it. 184 00:06:57,644 --> 00:06:59,404 - Mind sharing a bathroom? - I was here first. 185 00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:01,235 It's my turn now. 186 00:07:03,244 --> 00:07:05,599 I fought the Korean war, you know? I killed four men. 187 00:07:08,604 --> 00:07:11,164 He was in the Catering Corps, he used to poison them. 188 00:07:12,444 --> 00:07:14,164 (knocking) 189 00:07:14,164 --> 00:07:16,644 Yes? Who is it? 190 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,284 - It's Manuel. - What do you want? 191 00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:20,044 Can I go now? 192 00:07:20,044 --> 00:07:21,404 I thought you'd gone. 193 00:07:21,404 --> 00:07:23,604 - Qué? - I thought you'd gone. 194 00:07:23,604 --> 00:07:25,324 No, I turned it off. 195 00:07:25,324 --> 00:07:26,844 What? 196 00:07:26,844 --> 00:07:28,604 It was about so high. 197 00:07:28,604 --> 00:07:31,844 No. I said, I thought... a creduto... It doesn't natter. 198 00:07:31,844 --> 00:07:33,604 - Qué? - It doesn't matter. 199 00:07:33,604 --> 00:07:35,044 Oh, you think I gone. 200 00:07:35,044 --> 00:07:36,884 - Yes. - No, no, I go now. 201 00:07:36,884 --> 00:07:38,404 - Wonderful. - What? Is okay? 202 00:07:38,404 --> 00:07:40,804 - It's okay. - Thank you. 203 00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:42,204 (knocks) 204 00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:43,204 Yes? 205 00:07:43,204 --> 00:07:45,324 - Before I go... - What is it? 206 00:07:45,324 --> 00:07:47,364 Is my birthday. 207 00:07:47,364 --> 00:07:49,324 Yes, I know! 208 00:07:49,324 --> 00:07:51,524 "I want to thank you for beautiful present." 209 00:07:51,524 --> 00:07:52,884 Oh, yes. Fine. 210 00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:55,044 "And for your much kindness to me since I come here." 211 00:07:55,044 --> 00:07:56,324 Not at all. My pleasure. 212 00:07:56,324 --> 00:07:58,804 "Since coming here from Spain, leaving my mother..." 213 00:07:58,804 --> 00:08:01,004 - Outside. - Qué? 214 00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,472 Outside. Thank you. 215 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,124 "Since coming here from Spain, 216 00:08:06,124 --> 00:08:08,484 leaving my five brothers and four sisters..." 217 00:08:08,484 --> 00:08:11,362 Give it to me. Thank you. 218 00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:14,524 Can I have it, Basil? 219 00:08:14,524 --> 00:08:15,764 - What, dear? - I want that key. 220 00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:17,204 I've only got the key to room 12, dear. 221 00:08:17,204 --> 00:08:18,444 - That's the one. - Now look here, Sybil... 222 00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,524 Basil! 223 00:08:20,524 --> 00:08:22,244 If you were my size... 224 00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:23,802 - "Since coming..." - (smack) 225 00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,484 - Manuel. - Si, si? 226 00:08:26,484 --> 00:08:28,324 Number 12, please. 227 00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:29,439 Basil! 228 00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:35,724 Jean! 229 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,444 Hello, Poll. 230 00:08:37,444 --> 00:08:39,004 What are you doing here? 231 00:08:39,004 --> 00:08:40,764 Well, we couldn't get in at the Bellevue. 232 00:08:40,764 --> 00:08:42,684 Oh, no. Hello, Alan. 233 00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:44,804 It'll be fun. My parents arrive tomorrow. 234 00:08:44,804 --> 00:08:46,004 What, here? 235 00:08:46,004 --> 00:08:47,404 Well, I warned you. 236 00:08:47,404 --> 00:08:48,804 Yes, we've already met the famous Fawlty. 237 00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:50,884 Shh, I'm not supposed to hobnob. 238 00:08:50,884 --> 00:08:53,364 - I like your outfit. - I'll give you the pattern. 239 00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:55,764 (laughing) 240 00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:57,804 Jean: Are you going to be at Fiona's wedding? 241 00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,044 I can't, but I'll be at the reception, 242 00:09:00,044 --> 00:09:01,804 in my very own Jean Wilson creation. 243 00:09:01,804 --> 00:09:03,324 I want you to try that on later. 244 00:09:03,324 --> 00:09:05,404 Okay. How's that gorgeous stepfather? 245 00:09:05,404 --> 00:09:07,724 I haven't seen him for a month. He's been in Singapore. 246 00:09:07,724 --> 00:09:09,124 Oh, blast! 247 00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:11,524 I forgot to get those batteries for my electric razor. 248 00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:12,964 Is there anywhere still open, Poll? 249 00:09:12,964 --> 00:09:15,876 - You might find a chemist's. - I better have a look. 250 00:09:16,884 --> 00:09:18,244 Is Richard coming tonight? 251 00:09:18,244 --> 00:09:20,235 - We'll be along about 10:00. - Great! 252 00:09:25,244 --> 00:09:26,604 Hello again. 253 00:09:26,604 --> 00:09:29,724 We managed to get it all sorted out with your wife. 254 00:09:29,724 --> 00:09:31,924 I wouldn't know about that. Is there something you want? 255 00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:34,074 Yes. I know it's a bit late, do you know if there's a chemist still open? 256 00:09:36,084 --> 00:09:37,284 I beg your pardon? 257 00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:39,964 Do you know if there's a chemist still open? 258 00:09:39,964 --> 00:09:42,644 I suppose you think this is funny, do you? 259 00:09:42,644 --> 00:09:44,924 - Funny? - Ha. Ha. Ha. 260 00:09:44,924 --> 00:09:47,724 No, no. I really want to know. 261 00:09:47,724 --> 00:09:50,364 Well, I don't. So far as I know, all the chemists are shut. 262 00:09:50,364 --> 00:09:52,604 You'll just have to wait till tomorrow. Sorry. 263 00:09:52,604 --> 00:09:55,164 Bit of a blow, I imagine. 264 00:09:55,164 --> 00:09:56,164 What? 265 00:09:56,164 --> 00:09:57,404 Nothing. You heard. 266 00:09:57,404 --> 00:09:58,804 Is that all? 267 00:09:58,804 --> 00:10:00,404 - Well... - Yes? 268 00:10:00,404 --> 00:10:03,284 - I don't suppose you've got a couple... - Now, look! 269 00:10:03,284 --> 00:10:04,804 Just don't push your luck! 270 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:06,404 I have a breaking point, you know. 271 00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:08,998 Well, I only want some batteries. 272 00:10:11,004 --> 00:10:12,124 I don't believe it. 273 00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:14,124 - What? - Batteries, huh? 274 00:10:14,124 --> 00:10:16,484 You know something? You disgust me. 275 00:10:16,484 --> 00:10:18,604 I know what people like you get up to, 276 00:10:18,604 --> 00:10:20,484 and I think it's disgusting! 277 00:10:20,484 --> 00:10:21,844 Wh-what are you talking about? 278 00:10:21,844 --> 00:10:24,604 I want batteries for my electric razor. I want to shave! 279 00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:25,644 - Oh yes? - Yes! 280 00:10:25,644 --> 00:10:27,364 I haven't shaved today. Look, see? 281 00:10:27,364 --> 00:10:28,844 - Electric razor, huh? - Right! 282 00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:32,004 Well, that's what I was referring to when I said it was disgusting. 283 00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:34,084 It is, of course, disgusting that you haven't shaved, 284 00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:36,684 but, understandable. I mean, sometimes I don't shave either, 285 00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:38,004 and that's disgusting too. 286 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,524 So I shall have a razor sent up to your room straightaway. 287 00:10:40,524 --> 00:10:41,957 Thank you so much, good night. 288 00:10:48,444 --> 00:10:50,002 (braying) 289 00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:03,403 (laughing) 290 00:11:14,844 --> 00:11:15,833 (laughs) 291 00:11:17,324 --> 00:11:19,201 (ringing) 292 00:11:20,284 --> 00:11:22,004 Hello? 293 00:11:22,004 --> 00:11:24,964 Audrey, any news? 294 00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:28,684 Oh, dear. He hasn't? 295 00:11:28,684 --> 00:11:30,754 Oh, I know. 296 00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:37,404 He doesn't deserve you, Audrey. He really doesn't. 297 00:11:37,404 --> 00:11:38,804 Exactly. 298 00:11:38,804 --> 00:11:41,004 I know you have. 299 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:43,438 I know. I know. 300 00:11:45,444 --> 00:11:47,004 Oh, I know. 301 00:11:47,004 --> 00:11:49,004 Are you gonna go on like that all night? 302 00:11:49,004 --> 00:11:51,764 What was that, Audrey? 303 00:11:51,764 --> 00:11:54,444 Oh, I know. 304 00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,444 I know. 305 00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:58,204 Well, why is she telling you then? 306 00:11:58,204 --> 00:12:00,364 I understand, dear, I really do. 307 00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:01,804 I can't stand it anymore. 308 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,844 I'll go clean the roof or something. 309 00:12:03,844 --> 00:12:05,644 (doorbell ringing) 310 00:12:05,644 --> 00:12:07,644 There's the front doorbell. Somebody's got back late. 311 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,644 Yes, yes. 312 00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:11,164 I expect they forgot their passkey. 313 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,324 I know. 314 00:12:12,324 --> 00:12:13,804 Somebody better go and let them in. 315 00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:15,524 - Yes. - I'll go then, shall I? 316 00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:17,804 - Hmm. - Yes, I agree. Right. I'll go. 317 00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,164 You know who that is, don't you? 318 00:12:20,164 --> 00:12:22,204 That's your pair, the "Kama Sutra" set. 319 00:12:22,204 --> 00:12:25,124 "Good Evening, welcome to Basil Fawlty Knocking Shops Limited." 320 00:12:25,124 --> 00:12:27,638 No, dear. It's only Basil. 321 00:12:29,204 --> 00:12:30,644 (doorbell ringing) 322 00:12:30,644 --> 00:12:32,680 I'm coming, I'm coming. 323 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:38,564 I mean, I suppose you know what time it is? 324 00:12:38,564 --> 00:12:40,644 Oh, Mr. Fawlty, 325 00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:42,244 I'm so sorry. (giggles) 326 00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:43,924 Oh no. It's only a quarter past 11:00. 327 00:12:43,924 --> 00:12:46,604 I got you out of your bed. 328 00:12:46,604 --> 00:12:48,644 Not at all. I had a few little jobs to do... 329 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,404 Oh, you're so kind. 330 00:12:50,404 --> 00:12:52,204 Oh, well... 331 00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:54,724 I had just a lovely evening. 332 00:12:54,724 --> 00:12:56,364 Did you? How very nice. 333 00:12:56,364 --> 00:12:59,524 I saw some friends I hadn't seen for years. 334 00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:02,524 I had a little bit too much to drink, I'm afraid. 335 00:13:02,524 --> 00:13:04,964 What's life for if one can't get a bit... 336 00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:07,644 - Blotto? - Well, hardly blotto. 337 00:13:07,644 --> 00:13:11,964 Mr. Fawlty, you're so charming. 338 00:13:11,964 --> 00:13:13,084 Well, one does one's best. 339 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,444 I hope Mrs. Fawlty 340 00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,644 appreciates how lucky she is. 341 00:13:17,644 --> 00:13:18,804 I think probably not, in fact. 342 00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,244 Oops! 343 00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:21,804 - Sorry, I beg... - (giggling) 344 00:13:21,804 --> 00:13:24,398 - Ah, there we are. - Ha ha ha! 345 00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:28,404 Oh, sorry! Sorry. Ha ha! There you are. 346 00:13:28,404 --> 00:13:29,764 - Carry on. - We're awfully sorry. 347 00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:31,804 It was quite extraordinary. The front doorbell went 348 00:13:31,804 --> 00:13:33,924 just a moment ago, and I thought to myself, 349 00:13:33,924 --> 00:13:36,964 "I expect that'll be Alan and uh..." so, down I go, and lo and behold, 350 00:13:36,964 --> 00:13:40,204 it's not you at all, it's Mrs. Peignoir. Have you met? Alan and uh... 351 00:13:40,204 --> 00:13:43,484 this is Mrs. Peignoir. She's an antique dealer, I mean, she deals in antiques. 352 00:13:43,484 --> 00:13:47,484 She's not frightfully old or anything. Ha, ha. So, I let her in just 10 secs ago, hardly five, 353 00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,124 I mean, hardly time to say good evening, 354 00:13:49,124 --> 00:13:52,564 in she comes, drops her thing, down I go and there you are, 355 00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:54,724 bless my soul. Golly, is that the time? 356 00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:56,884 My goodness, I was thinking it was a quarter past 10:00. 357 00:13:56,884 --> 00:13:58,804 My God! I'd better get to bed. 358 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:02,513 Can't stand around talking all night. Got to get an early night. Bye! 359 00:14:03,524 --> 00:14:04,798 Sorry! 360 00:14:09,804 --> 00:14:11,084 Are you all right? 361 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,204 Yes, I am. Good night. 362 00:14:13,204 --> 00:14:15,004 - Good night. - Bonne nuit. 363 00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:16,764 Jean, I'll just make that call. 364 00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:18,994 - Don't be too long. - No. 365 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,757 (yawns) 366 00:14:25,004 --> 00:14:26,604 Well? 367 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,404 - Hmm? - Who was it? 368 00:14:28,404 --> 00:14:31,084 It was your, uh, your pair. 369 00:14:31,084 --> 00:14:32,564 Huh. Humph. 370 00:14:32,564 --> 00:14:35,362 - Good night. - Bonne nuit. 371 00:14:38,684 --> 00:14:41,244 Oh, and that woman, uh... 372 00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:43,484 Mrs. Peignoir? 373 00:14:43,484 --> 00:14:45,084 Ah, yes. Something like that. 374 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,234 Mrs. Peignoir: Dornez bien, Mr. Fawlty. 375 00:14:49,084 --> 00:14:50,597 (knocking) 376 00:14:53,244 --> 00:14:54,564 How's Audrey? 377 00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,604 She's in a terrible state. 378 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,083 Ah, good, good. 379 00:15:01,084 --> 00:15:03,004 There's someone at the door, Sybil! 380 00:15:03,004 --> 00:15:04,804 Why are you shouting, Basil? 381 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,124 Was I shouting? Sorry, Sybil. 382 00:15:06,124 --> 00:15:08,204 Well, I'd better go see who that is, Sybil. 383 00:15:08,204 --> 00:15:11,964 I expect it's some key who forgot to get the guest for their door. 384 00:15:11,964 --> 00:15:14,444 Or something like that, some innocent explanation. 385 00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:16,004 - Ha, are you ready, Sybil? - I'm ready. 386 00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:17,844 Right. I'll just see who that is then, Sybil. 387 00:15:17,844 --> 00:15:20,312 All right, Sybil? 388 00:15:21,324 --> 00:15:22,803 Hello? 389 00:15:25,084 --> 00:15:26,961 Hello? 390 00:15:27,964 --> 00:15:31,044 - Ah. - Aaah! 391 00:15:31,044 --> 00:15:34,204 Oh, so sorry, Mr. Fawlty. Poor Mr. Fawlty. 392 00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,204 Sybil: Are you all right? 393 00:15:36,204 --> 00:15:38,004 No, I'm dying, but don't get out of bed. 394 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:40,404 I hurt you, and you so wonderful to me. 395 00:15:40,404 --> 00:15:42,244 Give me such beautiful present. Thank you! 396 00:15:42,244 --> 00:15:44,204 You're drunk, Manuel! 397 00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:47,484 No, no. Is beautiful. Is my first one. Thank you. 398 00:15:47,484 --> 00:15:49,044 Now listen... argh! 399 00:15:49,044 --> 00:15:51,204 Oh, poor Mr. Fawlty. 400 00:15:51,204 --> 00:15:55,604 So sorry. Please, Mr. Fawlty, I love you, I love you! 401 00:15:55,604 --> 00:15:57,084 You so kind to me, you so good to me! 402 00:15:57,084 --> 00:15:58,404 I love you! 403 00:15:58,404 --> 00:16:00,644 Basil, I'n trying to read in here. 404 00:16:00,644 --> 00:16:03,204 Since I come here from Spain 405 00:16:03,204 --> 00:16:04,724 leaving my five mothers, 406 00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:07,363 and four aunties with no... 407 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,564 Et naintenant, un peu de café? 408 00:16:16,564 --> 00:16:18,364 Ah, oui, s'il vous plâit. Café au lait. 409 00:16:18,364 --> 00:16:20,204 - Café what? - Au lait. 410 00:16:20,204 --> 00:16:21,876 Ah, olé. Quite. 411 00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:43,044 There we are. Voilà sonnes nous. 412 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,404 - Café pour vous. - "Vous"? 413 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,764 Pas pour toi? 414 00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:47,364 Well, I'll probably have one later. 415 00:16:47,364 --> 00:16:49,204 - Very funny. - Oh good, good. 416 00:16:49,204 --> 00:16:50,884 Oh, Mr. Fawlty, I forget. 417 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,444 The window in my bedroom, I can't open it. Could you? 418 00:16:53,444 --> 00:16:56,117 Oh, certainly, I'll pop up and fix it. Certainly. 419 00:17:02,124 --> 00:17:04,399 For you, and this one... (mumbling) 420 00:17:11,404 --> 00:17:12,804 Thank you so much. 421 00:17:12,804 --> 00:17:13,804 Manuel? 422 00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:14,804 Oh, is terrible! 423 00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:15,964 Go to the kitchen, Manuel. 424 00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:16,964 I cannot. 425 00:17:16,964 --> 00:17:18,484 Go to the kitchen immediately. 426 00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:19,564 Come on, Manuel. 427 00:17:19,564 --> 00:17:21,404 No, no, please, I die here. Please. 428 00:17:21,404 --> 00:17:23,244 Sorry about this. 429 00:17:23,244 --> 00:17:25,244 He's been overworking awfully hard recently. 430 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,284 Can I help? 431 00:17:26,284 --> 00:17:28,324 No, I can manage. Thank you, Polly. 432 00:17:28,324 --> 00:17:30,713 - Come on. - Oh, no, please. 433 00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:33,044 He's at it again. Look. 434 00:17:33,044 --> 00:17:34,044 It's disgusting. 435 00:17:34,044 --> 00:17:35,044 I beg your pardon? 436 00:17:35,044 --> 00:17:36,044 Nothing. 437 00:17:36,044 --> 00:17:37,044 I thought you said something? 438 00:17:37,044 --> 00:17:39,604 No, no. Carry on. 439 00:17:41,484 --> 00:17:43,156 (groaning) 440 00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,640 Get on with your meals. 441 00:17:50,644 --> 00:17:51,844 Thank you, Mr. Lloyd. 442 00:17:51,844 --> 00:17:53,724 And this is just for tonight, isn't it? 443 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,204 - That's right. - Will you be taking lunch? 444 00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:56,764 We won't have time, I'm afraid. 445 00:17:56,764 --> 00:17:58,324 We've got this wedding at half past 2:00. 446 00:17:58,324 --> 00:18:00,204 I wonder, could I make a call? 447 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,604 Please, use that phone. 448 00:18:01,604 --> 00:18:02,684 Would it be possible 449 00:18:02,684 --> 00:18:04,604 to have sandwiches sent up to the room? 450 00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:05,764 Certainly. Here's the key. 451 00:18:05,764 --> 00:18:07,804 I'll have your bags brought up in a moment. 452 00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:09,924 Would you like coffee with the sandwiches? 453 00:18:09,924 --> 00:18:12,044 Yes, please. 454 00:18:12,044 --> 00:18:13,404 Mum! 455 00:18:13,404 --> 00:18:15,764 Hello, darling. Hello, Alan. 456 00:18:15,764 --> 00:18:16,844 Hello, Rachel. 457 00:18:16,844 --> 00:18:18,564 Where's Phillip? Did he have a good trip? 458 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,524 Marvelous, he's upstairs. 459 00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:22,484 Could I speak to Mrs. Brice, please? 460 00:18:22,484 --> 00:18:23,884 I'll see you in a moment. 461 00:18:23,884 --> 00:18:26,604 I'm just going to finish my breakfast. 462 00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:27,964 There they are. 463 00:18:27,964 --> 00:18:29,124 Where's the key? 464 00:18:29,124 --> 00:18:30,644 He's already taken it up, Basil. 465 00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:31,724 All right. 466 00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:32,884 Anne? 467 00:18:32,884 --> 00:18:35,564 It's Rachel Lloyd here. How's everything? 468 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:37,084 I'm going to take your cases upstairs. 469 00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:38,437 Yes, I know. 470 00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:41,437 Darling, it's beautiful, thank you. 471 00:18:51,444 --> 00:18:54,083 (whispering) Sybil, Sybil. 472 00:18:58,164 --> 00:18:59,644 - Ah, hello. - Hello. 473 00:18:59,644 --> 00:19:02,204 - It's Mrs. Lloyd, isn't it? - That's right. 474 00:19:02,204 --> 00:19:03,924 How do you do? Fawlty, Basil Fawlty. 475 00:19:03,924 --> 00:19:06,004 - How do you do? - Pretty well, can't complain. 476 00:19:06,004 --> 00:19:08,084 Good. 477 00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:09,724 We had this door knocked through recently. 478 00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:11,444 Made a rather good job of it, don't you think? 479 00:19:11,444 --> 00:19:13,604 Yes, yes. It's very nice. 480 00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:15,284 Marvelous. Changed our lives, really. 481 00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:17,764 Used to have to do the 100 yards through there and back again, 482 00:19:17,764 --> 00:19:19,644 but now we can just sort of open it and... 483 00:19:19,644 --> 00:19:22,684 it isn't working as well as it usually does. Ha! 484 00:19:22,684 --> 00:19:25,244 You can go right in. 485 00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:28,484 Just like that. Marvelous. Really. Rather simple, but effective. 486 00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:31,244 Would you like to have a try, see the kitchen and... 487 00:19:31,244 --> 00:19:32,924 I'd love to one day, but I think just now, 488 00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:35,757 I'd better get upstairs. So, I'll see you later. 489 00:19:38,764 --> 00:19:39,764 You all right? 490 00:19:39,764 --> 00:19:43,324 Bit of trouble with the old leg, I'd better sit down here for a moment. 491 00:19:43,324 --> 00:19:45,444 Bit of shrapnel, Korean war. Still in there. 492 00:19:45,444 --> 00:19:47,404 Can't they get it out? 493 00:19:47,404 --> 00:19:49,164 No, too deep, too deep. 494 00:19:49,164 --> 00:19:51,364 Well, this is the kitchen, as you can see. 495 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:53,404 - What? - The kitchen, yes. 496 00:19:53,404 --> 00:19:55,084 We had it plastered about five years ago. 497 00:19:55,084 --> 00:19:57,757 We've got a few cracks up there now. 498 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:03,044 Oh, don't worry about him. He's just having a lie down. 499 00:20:03,044 --> 00:20:07,724 He's Spanish. From Barcelona. You know, sort of siesta. But he's fine. 500 00:20:07,724 --> 00:20:09,404 (Manuel groans) 501 00:20:09,404 --> 00:20:10,844 It was his birthday yesterday. 502 00:20:10,844 --> 00:20:14,644 We have a few cracks up there now, but nothing serious. 503 00:20:14,644 --> 00:20:17,724 As I say, it's not the Sistine Chapel, but we're very happy with it. 504 00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:19,884 Are you sure he's all right? 505 00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:22,004 Oh, yes. Yes, he's fine. Yes. 506 00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:23,004 But he's groaning. 507 00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,204 Is he? Is he? 508 00:20:24,204 --> 00:20:25,404 Can't you hear him? 509 00:20:25,404 --> 00:20:27,564 So he is. Listen, I just remembered 510 00:20:27,564 --> 00:20:30,684 I left your cases just outside your room, by mistake. 511 00:20:30,684 --> 00:20:33,004 Would you mind if I went up and put them inside now? 512 00:20:33,004 --> 00:20:34,364 Unless there's anything else... 513 00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:35,404 Don't you think perhaps we should open... 514 00:20:35,404 --> 00:20:37,924 No, no, no! Don't worry about that. My wife will deal with that. Sybil! 515 00:20:37,924 --> 00:20:40,284 So, if you'd like to, uh... 516 00:20:40,284 --> 00:20:41,956 Come on! Come along. 517 00:20:42,084 --> 00:20:43,483 (knocking) Come in. 518 00:20:45,484 --> 00:20:47,364 Your sandwiches, Mr. Lloyd. 519 00:20:47,364 --> 00:20:49,164 Polly! 520 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,004 - Hello. - How are you? 521 00:20:51,004 --> 00:20:53,364 - Fantastic. - It's great to see you. 522 00:20:53,364 --> 00:20:56,004 You're still gorgeous. 523 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,437 Dear, dear, dear. 524 00:21:06,444 --> 00:21:08,514 Is anything the matter? 525 00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:13,004 Mrs. Lloyd, could I have a word with you? 526 00:21:13,004 --> 00:21:14,804 You are. 527 00:21:14,804 --> 00:21:16,804 Well, there's something that I need to explain. 528 00:21:16,804 --> 00:21:19,244 - Well? - Could we go in there? 529 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,404 Oh, really, is it absolutely necessary? 530 00:21:21,404 --> 00:21:23,395 I'm afraid it is. 531 00:21:24,404 --> 00:21:25,917 Thank you. 532 00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:31,164 Mrs. Lloyd, I'm so sorry... 533 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:35,044 but... this is... 534 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,602 a much nicer room 535 00:21:37,604 --> 00:21:38,964 than the one we've given you. 536 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,044 - What? - I'm sorry, 537 00:21:40,044 --> 00:21:43,164 I was just saying that this room is so much nicer than yours, 538 00:21:43,164 --> 00:21:46,204 and I wanted to bring you in here now, and show it to you and apologize, 539 00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:49,724 in case you found out about it later, and got rather cross. 540 00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:51,924 Now, um, the point is... 541 00:21:51,924 --> 00:21:55,404 What is...? The point is if it turns out you don't like that room 542 00:21:55,404 --> 00:21:58,364 um, then we can always move you in here but I don't think it's worth doing 543 00:21:58,364 --> 00:22:01,604 until you've definitely decided you don't like that one as much as this one, 544 00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:05,804 then we can sit down, a round table, sort of discuss it, kind of chew it over, 545 00:22:05,804 --> 00:22:08,716 and, uh... 546 00:22:09,724 --> 00:22:11,284 And it'd be a piece of cake. 547 00:22:11,284 --> 00:22:13,593 Bob's your uncle. Okay? 548 00:22:15,564 --> 00:22:16,883 Fine. 549 00:22:17,884 --> 00:22:18,953 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 550 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,283 Thank you. 551 00:22:23,964 --> 00:22:25,844 Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 552 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,596 I wondered where you were, darling. 553 00:22:30,604 --> 00:22:32,004 Darling? 554 00:22:32,004 --> 00:22:34,040 Darling, are you all right? 555 00:22:35,044 --> 00:22:38,081 This room is exactly the same as the one that he just... 556 00:22:40,204 --> 00:22:43,644 Oh, Jean, it's absolutely smashing! 557 00:22:43,644 --> 00:22:44,924 A bit tight across the bust. 558 00:22:44,924 --> 00:22:46,284 Oh, I love it. 559 00:22:46,284 --> 00:22:47,484 Lower, lower. 560 00:22:47,484 --> 00:22:49,364 - Are you sure? - Can I pick it up tonight? 561 00:22:49,364 --> 00:22:53,124 Lower, low... ah! That's it, that's it. 562 00:22:53,124 --> 00:22:54,764 That is amazing! 563 00:22:54,764 --> 00:22:57,444 That is anazing! 564 00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:58,923 Aww, ha, ha ha! 565 00:23:00,164 --> 00:23:01,916 (moaning continues) 566 00:23:07,604 --> 00:23:09,564 Alan: Hey, baby, 567 00:23:09,564 --> 00:23:11,564 have you been taking lessons? 568 00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:13,998 Polly: So, I'll see you tonight, huh? 569 00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,794 For 10 quid, that's absolutely fantastic. 570 00:23:29,804 --> 00:23:31,032 Oh. 571 00:23:33,044 --> 00:23:35,000 No, no, no. 572 00:23:36,004 --> 00:23:37,524 No, no, no. 573 00:23:37,524 --> 00:23:38,559 No! 574 00:23:42,204 --> 00:23:45,444 Polly, I want to see you at reception in one minute in your hat and coat. 575 00:23:45,444 --> 00:23:46,444 I'm sorry? 576 00:23:46,444 --> 00:23:47,524 I want to see you at reception 577 00:23:47,524 --> 00:23:48,804 in one minute in your hat and coat! 578 00:23:48,804 --> 00:23:51,716 - Will they fit you? - No. What? You, you! 579 00:23:53,404 --> 00:23:54,604 - They're going. - What? 580 00:23:54,604 --> 00:23:55,957 They're going! 581 00:24:03,964 --> 00:24:05,284 I'm sorry, but you'll have to go. 582 00:24:05,284 --> 00:24:07,724 We've made a mistake, all these rooms are taken. 583 00:24:07,724 --> 00:24:09,404 She was sitting on him. 584 00:24:09,404 --> 00:24:12,084 Five minutes later, I found him lying on the floor 585 00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:13,802 underneath the waiter. 586 00:24:15,804 --> 00:24:17,444 I'm sorry, but... 587 00:24:17,444 --> 00:24:19,084 ah, there you are. Got together, have you? 588 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,204 Yes, yes. I might have guessed, mightn't I? 589 00:24:21,204 --> 00:24:24,204 Yes, I see. Of course, we're a bit behind the times down here in Torquay. 590 00:24:24,204 --> 00:24:25,964 I'm sorry, but you'll have to go. 591 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:27,444 We made a mistake. All these rooms are taken. 592 00:24:27,444 --> 00:24:29,844 I'm so sorry. 593 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:31,284 Well, actually, I'm not sorry. 594 00:24:31,284 --> 00:24:32,604 I mean, you come in here, just like that, 595 00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:35,804 and, well, to be perfectly blunt, you have a very good time at our expense. 596 00:24:35,804 --> 00:24:37,324 I mean, I think you know what I mean, hmm? 597 00:24:37,324 --> 00:24:40,164 I mean you have had a very, very good time, haven't you? 598 00:24:40,164 --> 00:24:43,395 Well, not here you don't, oh, no! Thank you and good night! 599 00:24:51,404 --> 00:24:54,364 Well... that's taken care of that! 600 00:24:54,364 --> 00:24:55,804 Basil, what is going on? 601 00:24:55,804 --> 00:24:57,564 Why did you tell Polly to get her hat and coat? 602 00:24:57,564 --> 00:25:00,204 Because she's going, along with the Lloyds and that pair you let in. 603 00:25:00,204 --> 00:25:02,204 Never seen anything like it in my life. My God! 604 00:25:02,204 --> 00:25:04,364 Basil, what are you on about? Why are they leaving? 605 00:25:04,364 --> 00:25:06,844 I'll tell you exactly why they're leaving. First of all, I go up there 606 00:25:06,844 --> 00:25:08,244 and find that girl in his arms, in Lloyd's arms. 607 00:25:08,244 --> 00:25:09,844 Five minutes later, Polly's in there. 608 00:25:09,844 --> 00:25:12,004 - What girl? - Th... that girl. 609 00:25:12,004 --> 00:25:14,564 - She's his daughter. - What? 610 00:25:14,564 --> 00:25:19,638 She's Mr. Lloyd's stepdaughter. They're all one family. 611 00:25:34,644 --> 00:25:36,124 What about Polly? 612 00:25:36,124 --> 00:25:39,284 She was at school with Jean. She's known them all for years. 613 00:25:39,284 --> 00:25:40,964 - For years, huh? - For years. 614 00:25:40,964 --> 00:25:42,324 What have I done? 615 00:25:42,324 --> 00:25:44,764 - What have you done? - I've told them to leave. 616 00:25:44,764 --> 00:25:46,644 You've told them to leave? 617 00:25:46,644 --> 00:25:48,324 How was I supposed to know? 618 00:25:48,324 --> 00:25:50,564 Why didn't you tell me, you half-wit? 619 00:25:50,564 --> 00:25:52,404 Why didn't they tell me? You can't blame me for this! 620 00:25:52,404 --> 00:25:53,884 Go and tell them they can stay. 621 00:25:53,884 --> 00:25:56,084 - Why don't you go tell them? - I didn't tell them to go. 622 00:25:56,084 --> 00:25:57,924 Oh no, I suppose it's all my fault, isn't it? 623 00:25:57,924 --> 00:25:59,404 Go and tell them. Now! 624 00:25:59,404 --> 00:26:00,404 No, I won't. 625 00:26:00,404 --> 00:26:01,604 - You will. - No, no, I won't. 626 00:26:01,604 --> 00:26:03,204 - Oh, yes, you will. - Yes, I will! Right. 627 00:26:03,204 --> 00:26:05,244 That's right, leave it to me, let me get you out of it. 628 00:26:05,244 --> 00:26:06,604 That's all I'm good for, isn't it? 629 00:26:06,604 --> 00:26:09,204 "Basil Fawlty, Limited, other people's messes cleared up 630 00:26:09,204 --> 00:26:10,724 by appointment to my wife, Sybil." 631 00:26:10,724 --> 00:26:11,804 What am I going to say?! 632 00:26:11,804 --> 00:26:13,804 Tell them you made a mistake. 633 00:26:13,804 --> 00:26:15,644 Oh, brilliant! 634 00:26:15,644 --> 00:26:17,204 Brilliant. 635 00:26:17,204 --> 00:26:21,284 Is that what made Britain great? "I'm so sorry, I made a mistake." 636 00:26:21,284 --> 00:26:23,798 What have you got for brains? Sponge cake?! 637 00:26:26,804 --> 00:26:29,404 Very nice, very nice. Take 'em off, get back to work. 638 00:26:29,404 --> 00:26:31,244 I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. 639 00:26:31,244 --> 00:26:33,604 "I'm so sorry. I made a mistake." 640 00:26:33,604 --> 00:26:35,764 "I'm so sorry. I made a mistake." 641 00:26:35,764 --> 00:26:38,764 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but my wife has made a mistake. 642 00:26:38,764 --> 00:26:40,204 I don't know how she did it, but she did. 643 00:26:40,204 --> 00:26:42,444 She's made a complete pudding of the whole thing, as usual. 644 00:26:42,444 --> 00:26:44,604 It'll be perfectly all right. I've sorted it all out. 645 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:46,204 I'm frightfully sorry, but you know what women are like. 646 00:26:46,204 --> 00:26:47,644 They've got one brain between the lot of them... 647 00:26:47,644 --> 00:26:50,844 not all of them, but some of them have, including my wife. So please, do stay, 648 00:26:50,844 --> 00:26:53,597 and see you all later on. Thank you so much. 649 00:26:55,604 --> 00:26:57,284 I was just saying please do stay, 650 00:26:57,284 --> 00:26:59,084 my wife made a most dreadful mistake. 651 00:26:59,084 --> 00:27:02,235 Yes, I think she probably did. 652 00:27:08,404 --> 00:27:10,004 Evening, Fawlty. 653 00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:11,444 Ah, evening, Major. 654 00:27:11,444 --> 00:27:13,204 Papers arrived yet? 655 00:27:13,204 --> 00:27:15,324 Oh, yes. Sorry they're so late. Didn't get here till 5:00. 656 00:27:15,324 --> 00:27:16,644 Have to have a word with them again. 657 00:27:16,644 --> 00:27:19,204 Where's your lady wife this evening? 658 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:20,844 She's spending the night at Audrey's. 659 00:27:20,844 --> 00:27:23,444 George has walked out on her again, so she's in the usual state. 660 00:27:23,444 --> 00:27:25,764 Still, it must have upset her a bit. 661 00:27:25,764 --> 00:27:28,204 Yes, but she makes such a song and dance about it. 662 00:27:28,204 --> 00:27:30,764 You don't like Audrey very much, do you? 663 00:27:30,764 --> 00:27:32,084 Dreadful woman, dreadful. 664 00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:35,884 I think it's very decent of your wife to go around there 665 00:27:35,884 --> 00:27:37,564 and listen to all that rubbish. 666 00:27:37,564 --> 00:27:39,324 Couldn't do without her, Major. 667 00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:41,724 She's a fine woman, Mrs. Fawlty. 668 00:27:41,724 --> 00:27:43,724 No, no. I wouldn't say that. 669 00:27:43,724 --> 00:27:45,844 No, nor would I. 670 00:27:45,844 --> 00:27:48,836 - Good night, Fawlty. - Good night, Major. 671 00:27:51,004 --> 00:27:52,884 (tape plays classical music) 672 00:27:52,884 --> 00:27:54,524 Ah, Mr. Fawlty. 673 00:27:54,524 --> 00:27:55,844 Good evening. Sorry. 674 00:27:55,844 --> 00:27:59,124 No, no, don't switch it off. I love Chopin. 675 00:27:59,124 --> 00:28:01,115 Really? Ah, there's your key. 676 00:28:02,804 --> 00:28:04,804 Ah, it's so romantic. 677 00:28:04,804 --> 00:28:06,204 Yes, exactly. 678 00:28:06,204 --> 00:28:08,404 Are you romantic, Mr. Fawlty? 679 00:28:08,404 --> 00:28:10,884 No, God, no. 680 00:28:10,884 --> 00:28:12,844 Well, I think you are. 681 00:28:12,844 --> 00:28:15,484 I think, beneath that English exterior 682 00:28:15,484 --> 00:28:17,644 throbs a passion that would make 683 00:28:17,644 --> 00:28:19,764 Lord Byron look like a tobacconist. 684 00:28:19,764 --> 00:28:22,039 No way. No, sorry. 685 00:28:23,044 --> 00:28:27,799 Oh, don't look so bashful. I won't try and sit on you again. 686 00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:36,564 And where is your charming wife this evening? 687 00:28:36,564 --> 00:28:38,484 She's spending the night with a friend. 688 00:28:38,484 --> 00:28:41,124 - Hmm. - A girl, a lady friend. 689 00:28:41,124 --> 00:28:43,204 When the cat's away, eh? 690 00:28:43,204 --> 00:28:45,044 Oh, hardly. Too much to do. 691 00:28:45,044 --> 00:28:47,044 - Well, good night. - Bonne nuit. 692 00:28:47,044 --> 00:28:48,404 - Oh, Mr. Fawlty? - Yes? 693 00:28:48,404 --> 00:28:49,804 Did you fix my window? 694 00:28:49,804 --> 00:28:51,404 Oh... uh, damn. 695 00:28:51,404 --> 00:28:53,804 If you could, please? It's so hot tonight. 696 00:28:53,804 --> 00:28:55,795 Yes. Yes, okay. Right. 697 00:29:05,804 --> 00:29:08,364 Ungh! Here we are. 698 00:29:08,364 --> 00:29:10,684 You're so strong. 699 00:29:10,684 --> 00:29:14,164 Well, I'm sure you are, too, if you put your mind to it. 700 00:29:14,164 --> 00:29:15,764 Your wife shouldn't leave you 701 00:29:15,764 --> 00:29:16,924 with strange women. 702 00:29:16,924 --> 00:29:18,764 Well, I wouldn't call you that strange. 703 00:29:18,764 --> 00:29:21,604 Mr. Fawlty, you're so charming. 704 00:29:21,604 --> 00:29:22,644 Only a little. Oh, well... 705 00:29:22,644 --> 00:29:24,404 Do you feel that breeze? 706 00:29:24,404 --> 00:29:25,484 Isn't it wonderful? 707 00:29:25,484 --> 00:29:27,004 Yes, it's nice, isn't it? 708 00:29:27,004 --> 00:29:29,444 I shall sleep au naturelle tonight. 709 00:29:29,444 --> 00:29:32,204 Good idea, right. 710 00:29:32,204 --> 00:29:34,604 Only it's not so much fun on your own. 711 00:29:34,604 --> 00:29:36,284 Oh, well. One could always pretend. 712 00:29:36,284 --> 00:29:38,844 Ooh! Twinge from the old leg. Better go and lie down. 713 00:29:38,844 --> 00:29:40,444 - Good night. - Good night. 714 00:29:40,444 --> 00:29:42,082 Damn shrapnel. 715 00:29:51,124 --> 00:29:52,603 (Manuel groans) 716 00:29:53,884 --> 00:29:55,078 (knocking) 717 00:29:56,084 --> 00:29:57,284 Uh, who is it? 718 00:29:57,284 --> 00:29:58,797 Mrs. Peignoir: Mr. Fawlty? 719 00:30:01,804 --> 00:30:03,204 Hello. 720 00:30:03,204 --> 00:30:05,604 I'm so sorry, but I have to leave early tomorrow. 721 00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:07,484 Could I have a call at 7:00, please? 722 00:30:07,484 --> 00:30:10,164 Marvelous. Is that all? Absolutely. 7:00. 723 00:30:10,164 --> 00:30:12,234 Please don't go yet. 724 00:30:13,244 --> 00:30:15,324 I think you've forgotten something. 725 00:30:15,324 --> 00:30:16,604 Did I? Damn... 726 00:30:16,604 --> 00:30:18,604 Your recorder. 727 00:30:18,604 --> 00:30:20,324 Oh, thank you. 728 00:30:20,324 --> 00:30:23,244 - You left it in my room. - Thank you so much. 729 00:30:23,244 --> 00:30:24,524 You left it in my room 730 00:30:24,524 --> 00:30:26,879 so you could come and get it, didn't you? 731 00:30:28,564 --> 00:30:31,604 I'm not having you knocking on my door 732 00:30:31,604 --> 00:30:32,923 in the middle of the night. 733 00:30:35,124 --> 00:30:37,124 I should go... go. 734 00:30:37,124 --> 00:30:38,804 You naughty man. 735 00:30:38,804 --> 00:30:40,123 - Good night. - Good night. 736 00:30:54,284 --> 00:30:55,842 (loud snoring) 737 00:30:57,044 --> 00:30:58,636 (knocking) 738 00:31:01,364 --> 00:31:03,124 (knocking continues) 739 00:31:03,124 --> 00:31:05,644 Look, go to your room. I won't ask you again. 740 00:31:05,644 --> 00:31:07,204 Open the door. 741 00:31:07,204 --> 00:31:08,364 Listen, I can't. 742 00:31:08,364 --> 00:31:10,604 My wife has just got back unexpectedly. 743 00:31:10,604 --> 00:31:11,924 She's in the bathroom. 744 00:31:11,924 --> 00:31:13,084 (loudly) What, dear? 745 00:31:13,084 --> 00:31:15,644 I think you'll find it on the second shelf, 746 00:31:15,644 --> 00:31:16,644 Sybil darling. 747 00:31:16,644 --> 00:31:18,244 Let ne in, Basil. 748 00:31:18,244 --> 00:31:20,524 Look, you'll meet somebody else sooner or later. 749 00:31:20,524 --> 00:31:21,684 Basil! 750 00:31:21,684 --> 00:31:24,164 Try to control yourself. Where do you think you are, Paris? 751 00:31:24,164 --> 00:31:26,044 Let ne in! 752 00:31:26,044 --> 00:31:28,564 Shut up, will you? You silly tart! 753 00:31:28,564 --> 00:31:31,444 Go away. My wife will hear us. 754 00:31:31,444 --> 00:31:33,162 This is your wife. 755 00:31:39,204 --> 00:31:40,842 Oh, what a terrible dream! 756 00:31:48,524 --> 00:31:50,604 There's a burglar downstairs. 757 00:31:50,604 --> 00:31:51,884 George got back, did he? 758 00:31:51,884 --> 00:31:53,844 There's a burglar downstairs! 759 00:31:53,844 --> 00:31:55,835 - What? - A burglar. Quick! 760 00:32:00,764 --> 00:32:03,403 (groaning) 761 00:32:18,244 --> 00:32:19,472 Manuel? 762 00:32:24,164 --> 00:32:25,802 Good night. 763 00:32:27,804 --> 00:32:30,113 We've been to a wedding. 764 00:32:37,924 --> 00:32:40,484 (closing theme music)