1
00:00:03,407 --> 00:00:04,965
(opening theme music)
2
00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:26,087
(laughing)
3
00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:27,839
I know.
4
00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:31,407
It all started with that
electrician, didn't it?
5
00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,727
Real live wire, he was.
6
00:00:33,727 --> 00:00:36,241
Only one watt, but plenty
of volts, as they say.
7
00:00:38,847 --> 00:00:43,204
Anything in trousers, yes.
Or out of them, preferably.
8
00:00:45,127 --> 00:00:47,487
Yes. Hmmm?
9
00:00:47,487 --> 00:00:49,682
No, just lighting up.
Go on.
10
00:00:51,647 --> 00:00:53,127
I know, I heard that...
11
00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:55,721
with her nother
in the sane roon.
12
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No, no...
13
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No, no, of course
I won't. Go on.
14
00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:05,887
Basil?
15
00:01:05,887 --> 00:01:06,887
Yes, dear.
16
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Oh, no.
Who saw them?
17
00:01:08,727 --> 00:01:10,367
- Basil?
- Yes, dear?
18
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,727
Could you come and attend
to a gentlemen out here?
19
00:01:12,727 --> 00:01:13,967
19?
20
00:01:13,967 --> 00:01:15,927
What do you mean,
out where you are, dear?
21
00:01:15,927 --> 00:01:18,047
Well the last one
was only 22.
22
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:19,367
He was!
23
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I'm quite busy in here.
Are you very busy out there?
24
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I'm on the telephone, Basil.
My husband will be with you in a moment.
25
00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:27,727
So I'll stop working
and come out there, shall I?
26
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No, no.
The Maltese one.
27
00:01:29,687 --> 00:01:32,527
Well, I'm glad
that's settled, then.
28
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,127
No, no, dear.
He was an Arab.
29
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Darling, when you're finished,
why don't you have a lie down?
30
00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:39,447
I'm sorry to have kept
you waiting.
31
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:41,607
I had no idea my wife
was so busy.
32
00:01:41,607 --> 00:01:43,847
Fear not, kind sir,
it matters not one whit.
33
00:01:43,847 --> 00:01:45,127
I beg your pardon?
34
00:01:45,127 --> 00:01:49,407
It matters not one whit.
Time is not pressing on me, fortunately.
35
00:01:49,407 --> 00:01:51,527
Now some information, please.
36
00:01:51,527 --> 00:01:53,887
This afternoon I have to visit
the town for sundry purposes
37
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which would be of no interest to you
I am quite sure, but nevertheless
38
00:01:56,567 --> 00:02:01,207
shall require your aid in getting for me
some sort of transport, some hired vehicle
39
00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:03,407
that is, to get me
to my first port of call.
40
00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:04,727
Are you all right?
41
00:02:04,727 --> 00:02:07,327
Yes, I find the air here
most invigorating.
42
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:11,047
I see. Did I gather from your first
announcement that you want a taxi?
43
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:12,047
In a nutshell.
44
00:02:12,047 --> 00:02:13,927
Case, more like.
45
00:02:13,927 --> 00:02:15,287
At 2:00, please.
46
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:16,727
Here's the number
of the local firm.
47
00:02:16,727 --> 00:02:18,487
Please, could you
get it for me?
48
00:02:18,487 --> 00:02:20,687
I never use the telephone
if I can avoid it.
49
00:02:20,687 --> 00:02:21,767
Why not?
50
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,887
The risk of infection.
When I've finished.
51
00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:26,607
Now, I have a rendezvous
at 5:00 at this address
52
00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:29,007
which I must reach from the post office
in Queen's Square.
53
00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:30,727
Now, as the map
is sadly inadequate,
54
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:34,647
I would be very grateful if you could
draw me a diagram of the optimum route.
55
00:02:34,647 --> 00:02:36,727
May I ask what's wrong
with the map?
56
00:02:36,727 --> 00:02:37,807
It's got curry on it.
57
00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:39,687
Look, it's
perfectly simple.
58
00:02:39,687 --> 00:02:43,047
Go to the end of Queen's Parade
and bear left... just listen.
59
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:45,367
- I just want a diagram.
- It's very simple.
60
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:46,767
I'd rather have a diagram
if it won't put you out.
61
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,887
Well, it does put me out.
62
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:49,718
I'd like it all the same.
63
00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:52,207
Basil!
64
00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:53,207
Right.
65
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,207
Here you are then.
66
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,207
- We do have pens.
- Here you are.
67
00:02:55,207 --> 00:02:57,846
We have actually got pens in the hotel.
Thank you so much.
68
00:02:58,927 --> 00:03:01,007
Somewhere... I mean
where are the pens?
69
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:02,567
Would you believe it?
70
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:04,603
I mean, there are no pens here.
This is supposed to be a hotel.
71
00:03:06,927 --> 00:03:08,407
What are they
doing in there?
72
00:03:08,407 --> 00:03:10,127
- I put them there.
- Why?
73
00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:11,887
Just sign there,
Mr. Walt.
74
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,287
Because you're always
losing them, Basil.
75
00:03:13,287 --> 00:03:15,047
I am not always losing them.
People take them.
76
00:03:15,047 --> 00:03:16,727
Well, they don't take them from me.
77
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:17,807
They wouldn't dare.
78
00:03:17,807 --> 00:03:22,007
I'm sorry, I didn't guess that you'd suddenly
done that after 12 years, dear.
79
00:03:22,007 --> 00:03:24,807
I'm afraid my psychic powers
must be a little below par this morning.
80
00:03:24,807 --> 00:03:25,967
There we are.
81
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,647
Don't be silly, Basil. It's written there
quite clearly on the top of the box.
82
00:03:28,647 --> 00:03:31,327
"Pens"? It looks more
like "Bens" to me.
83
00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:33,287
Well when Ben comes,
you can give it to him.
84
00:03:33,287 --> 00:03:35,327
Mr. Walt's in room 7.
85
00:03:35,327 --> 00:03:37,327
What do you think?
Doesn't that look like "Bens" to you?
86
00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:38,607
Not really.
87
00:03:38,607 --> 00:03:40,287
It does to me.
Look, there's a "P."
88
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,607
I don't understand this.
Where is the Post Office?
89
00:03:42,607 --> 00:03:45,519
Where it says "Post Office."
I'm sorry if it's confusing.
90
00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:51,727
Oh, yeah. "P. Off."
You've used the abbreviation.
91
00:03:51,727 --> 00:03:52,727
Ah, the penny's dropped.
92
00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,727
I though it said "Boff."
93
00:03:54,727 --> 00:03:55,727
Of course.
94
00:03:55,727 --> 00:03:58,767
I thought that "Boff" was a locale,
the name of a district, you see?
95
00:03:58,767 --> 00:04:00,487
That "P" looks like a "B."
96
00:04:00,487 --> 00:04:01,727
- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does.
97
00:04:01,727 --> 00:04:02,847
There's a little loop
on the bottom...
98
00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:04,527
Excuse me, would you say
that was a "P" or a "B"?
99
00:04:04,527 --> 00:04:06,727
There. Does it say "Boff,"
or does it say "Poff"?
100
00:04:06,727 --> 00:04:08,007
It's a "P," isn't it?
101
00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:09,007
I suppose so.
102
00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:10,007
"P. Off."
103
00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:11,007
I beg your pardon?
104
00:04:11,007 --> 00:04:14,447
"P. Off.", not "B. Off."
Who ever heard of a "Bost Office"?
105
00:04:14,447 --> 00:04:16,607
- Nine?
- What?
106
00:04:16,607 --> 00:04:17,847
- Room 9?
- Room 7.
107
00:04:17,847 --> 00:04:20,727
Manuel, would you take
these cases to room 7, please?
108
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:21,762
Qué?
109
00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:25,727
He thinks "Boff"
is a locale.
110
00:04:25,727 --> 00:04:26,887
He thinks what?
111
00:04:26,887 --> 00:04:29,407
You know, some zone,
some province
112
00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:30,726
in Equatorial Torquay.
113
00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:38,647
Manuel will show you
to your room, if you're lucky.
114
00:04:38,647 --> 00:04:39,727
Excuse me. Excuse me.
115
00:04:39,727 --> 00:04:42,367
In how many minutes
does luncheon commence?
116
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:44,597
Twelve.
Here, I'll write it down for you.
117
00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:47,447
Don't forget the taxi,
will you? 2:00.
118
00:04:47,447 --> 00:04:49,807
If anybody wants me,
I'll be in the lounge.
119
00:04:49,807 --> 00:04:51,167
If anybody wants you?
120
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,367
I'll be in the lounge.
121
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,727
Anyone in particular?
Henry Kissinger?
122
00:04:55,727 --> 00:04:56,921
Or just anyone
with a big net?
123
00:04:58,687 --> 00:04:58,727
I don't know what it is
about this place.
124
00:04:58,727 --> 00:04:59,727
Some of the people
we get in here...
125
00:04:59,727 --> 00:05:01,727
What are you
on about?
126
00:05:01,727 --> 00:05:04,167
I wish you'd help a bit.
You're always refurbishing yourself.
127
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:06,607
- What?
- Oh, never mind.
128
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,727
Don't shout at me.
I've had a difficult morning.
129
00:05:08,727 --> 00:05:10,127
Oh dear, what happened?
130
00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:12,047
Did you get entangled
in the eiderdown again?
131
00:05:12,047 --> 00:05:14,127
Not enough cream
in your eclair?
132
00:05:14,127 --> 00:05:17,676
Or did you talk to your friends for so long,
you didn't have time to perm your ears?
133
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:22,927
Actually, Basil,
I've been working.
134
00:05:22,927 --> 00:05:24,647
You know what I mean
by working, don't you?
135
00:05:24,647 --> 00:05:28,007
I mean getting things done
as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
136
00:05:28,007 --> 00:05:31,407
I would find it a little easier to cope
with some of the cretins we get in here,
137
00:05:31,407 --> 00:05:32,727
my little nest of vipers,
138
00:05:32,727 --> 00:05:34,647
if I got a smidgen
of cooperation from you.
139
00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:36,207
"Cooperation"?
That's a laugh.
140
00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:39,887
The day you'll cooperate you'll be a wooden box.
I've never heard such rudeness.
141
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:42,807
If you think I'm going to fawn
to some of the yobbos we get in here...
142
00:05:42,807 --> 00:05:45,727
This is a hotel, Basil,
not a borstal,
143
00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:50,527
and it might help business if you could have
a little more courtesy. Just a little.
144
00:05:50,527 --> 00:05:52,167
Talking to Audrey
for half an hour helps business?
145
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:54,927
It was about business,
for your information.
146
00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:56,807
Audrey has some news
that may interest you.
147
00:05:56,807 --> 00:06:00,327
This will be good. Let me guess.
The mayor wears a toupee?
148
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:03,287
Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats?
Am I getting warm?
149
00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:05,517
There are some hotel
inspectors in town.
150
00:06:06,607 --> 00:06:07,722
What?
151
00:06:09,407 --> 00:06:11,727
- What does she know?
- That's all she knows.
152
00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:13,007
How does she know?
153
00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:15,087
A friend of Bill Morton's
overheard three men
154
00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:17,727
in a pub last night comparing notes
on places they'd just been in Exeter.
155
00:06:17,727 --> 00:06:19,367
Three men.
I'll call Bill.
156
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,247
You don't have
to call Bill, Basil.
157
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:24,007
Just try to exercise
a little courtesy.
158
00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:25,520
(mumbling)
Humph. "Courtesy."
159
00:06:27,127 --> 00:06:29,167
Papers arrived,
Fawlty?
160
00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:31,522
Not yet... no, Major.
Sorry, sorry.
161
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:36,603
(rings bell loudly)
162
00:06:43,407 --> 00:06:44,967
Could you do that
in a moment, please?
163
00:06:44,967 --> 00:06:45,967
I'm on the telephone.
164
00:06:45,967 --> 00:06:48,847
You haven't finished dialing yet,
have you? Now, listen...
165
00:06:48,847 --> 00:06:53,407
There is a documentary on BBC 2
this evening about Squawking Bird,
166
00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:55,807
the leader of the Blackfoot
Indians in the late 1860s.
167
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:59,807
This starts at 8:45 and goes on
for approximately three quarters of an hour.
168
00:06:59,807 --> 00:07:02,607
- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
- Indeed, I am.
169
00:07:02,607 --> 00:07:04,727
Is it possible for me
to reserve the BBC 2 channel
170
00:07:04,727 --> 00:07:06,727
for the duration
of this televisual feast?
171
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,047
Why don't you
talk properly?
172
00:07:08,047 --> 00:07:09,287
I beg your pardon?
173
00:07:09,287 --> 00:07:10,727
- No. It isn't.
- What?
174
00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:12,727
It is not possible
to reserve the BBC 2 channel
175
00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:14,647
from the commencement
of this "televisual feast"
176
00:07:14,647 --> 00:07:16,887
until the moment of the termination
of its ending, thank you so much.
177
00:07:16,887 --> 00:07:19,407
Might I suggest you introduce
such a scheme?
178
00:07:19,407 --> 00:07:21,727
No!
179
00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:24,127
I would just like to tell you
that I have a wide experience
180
00:07:24,127 --> 00:07:26,727
of hotels, and some of those
of my acquaintance
181
00:07:26,727 --> 00:07:29,087
have had the foresight
to introduce this facility
182
00:07:29,087 --> 00:07:30,527
for the benefit
of their guests.
183
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,687
I see, you have a "wide
experience of hotels?"
184
00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:34,207
In my professional
activities
185
00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:35,967
I'm in constant
contact with them.
186
00:07:35,967 --> 00:07:37,366
Are you really?
187
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:42,127
Is it possible for me
to hire a television set
188
00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:44,207
to view the program
in the privacy of my own room?
189
00:07:44,207 --> 00:07:45,487
I beg your pardon?
190
00:07:45,487 --> 00:07:48,967
Have you the facility
to hire a television set
191
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,287
to one of your guests?
192
00:07:50,287 --> 00:07:52,607
A good point.
I'm glad you asked me that.
193
00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:53,927
- Not as such.
- Oh.
194
00:07:53,927 --> 00:07:56,127
However, we do have plans
to introduce such a scheme
195
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,487
in the near future.
196
00:07:57,487 --> 00:07:58,727
That's not much use to me
tonight, is it?
197
00:07:58,727 --> 00:08:02,167
No, but I'll tell you what, why don't I
introduce another scheme straightaway,
198
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,047
along the lines that you've
already suggested,
199
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:06,567
by which I reserve the BBC 2 Channel
for you tonight?
200
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:07,847
Now, that's more like it.
201
00:08:07,847 --> 00:08:10,087
Not at all.
That's what we're here for, isn't it?
202
00:08:10,087 --> 00:08:11,207
Yes.
203
00:08:11,207 --> 00:08:13,487
Is there anything else
before I call your taxi?
204
00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:14,887
Well, yes, there is.
Somebody in there
205
00:08:14,887 --> 00:08:16,887
mentioned that you had
a table tennis table.
206
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,487
Indeed we do, yes.
207
00:08:18,487 --> 00:08:20,727
It is not in absolutely
mint condition,
208
00:08:20,727 --> 00:08:23,287
but it could certainly
be used in an emergency.
209
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:24,727
It is to be found
in the south wing,
210
00:08:24,727 --> 00:08:27,367
overlooking the courtyard,
where there is, of course, ample parking.
211
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:28,487
Ah, Polly.
212
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:30,607
Mr. Hutchinson,
may I introduce Polly Sherman,
213
00:08:30,607 --> 00:08:31,647
who is with us
at the moment?
214
00:08:31,647 --> 00:08:32,727
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
215
00:08:32,727 --> 00:08:34,687
Wait a minute.
We've met before, I think.
216
00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:36,007
Yes, I served you
at breakfast.
217
00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:39,167
Oh, yes, and you spilled the grapefruit juice,
didn't you, you naughty girl?
218
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:40,487
You moved the glass,
didn't you?
219
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,327
Thank you, thank you,
Polly, yes.
220
00:08:42,327 --> 00:08:43,727
Awfully nice girl.
Very bright.
221
00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:45,367
She's a fully qualified
painter, you know.
222
00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:46,487
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
223
00:08:46,487 --> 00:08:48,887
Good morning, ladies.
224
00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:51,287
We do like to have
girls of that caliber
225
00:08:51,287 --> 00:08:53,327
to help us out.
It does add a certain...
226
00:08:53,327 --> 00:08:55,727
Well, would you care
to partake of lunch now?
227
00:08:55,727 --> 00:08:57,047
Surely it's not yet...
228
00:08:57,047 --> 00:08:58,727
Goodness me, we don't worry
about things like that here.
229
00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,887
No fear.
This is a hotel, not a borstal.
230
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:02,407
Basil?
231
00:09:02,407 --> 00:09:04,647
Have you...?
It's not half past yet.
232
00:09:04,647 --> 00:09:05,727
I was just saying
to Mr. Hutchinson, dear,
233
00:09:05,727 --> 00:09:07,479
this is a hotel,
not a borstal.
234
00:09:08,727 --> 00:09:10,007
Chef won't be ready, Basil.
235
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,047
- Leave it to me, dear, leave it to me.
- Did you ring Bill?
236
00:09:12,047 --> 00:09:13,447
No, dear, not necessary.
237
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:14,727
- What?
- Explain later.
238
00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:17,036
But I must look after
Mr. Hutchinson now.
239
00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,127
A Spanish omelette.
240
00:09:19,127 --> 00:09:22,727
And on the plate, please,
none on the tablecloth.
241
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:24,727
Excuse me, you're not
by any chance
242
00:09:24,727 --> 00:09:25,967
the Duke of Kent,
are you?
243
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:28,767
No, no, no, you've got
the wrong person there.
244
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,967
Ah, Mr. Hutchinson,
you've ordered, have you?
245
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:32,727
Yes, I'm going to have
your Spanish omelette.
246
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:33,727
Splendid.
247
00:09:33,727 --> 00:09:35,567
I assume that all
the vegetables
248
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:36,727
within the omelette
are fresh?
249
00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:38,527
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Including the peas?
250
00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:39,727
Oh, yes, they're fresh,
all right.
251
00:09:39,727 --> 00:09:40,807
They're not frozen,
are they?
252
00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:42,207
Well, they're frozen, yes.
253
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,767
Well, if they're frozen,
they're not fresh, are they?
254
00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:46,767
Well, I assure you they were
absolutely fresh when they were frozen.
255
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:49,967
Oh, dear. There's a lot of this
nowadays in hotels.
256
00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:51,727
- A lot of what?
- I'll just have a cheese salad, please.
257
00:09:51,727 --> 00:09:52,727
What?
258
00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:55,327
I only eat fresh vegetables, you see.
I'll just have a cheese salad.
259
00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:57,487
We could do the omelette
without the peas.
260
00:09:57,487 --> 00:09:58,887
No, no, no, I always
feel that the peas
261
00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:00,847
are an integral part
of the overall flavor.
262
00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:02,767
Might I suggest
that in future
263
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:05,727
you avail yourself of sufficient quantities
of the fresh article?
264
00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,767
Look, we've been serving...
yes, yes, good idea.
265
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:09,647
Now, something
to drink?
266
00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:10,927
Yes, I'll have
a ginger beer, please.
267
00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:11,927
A ginger beer?
268
00:10:11,927 --> 00:10:14,087
And a glass
of fresh water.
269
00:10:14,087 --> 00:10:15,087
- Fresh?
- Water, yes.
270
00:10:15,087 --> 00:10:16,207
Mr. Hutchinson?
271
00:10:16,207 --> 00:10:17,847
A telephone call
for you at reception.
272
00:10:17,847 --> 00:10:20,680
Telephone?
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
273
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:24,718
Clever, clever.
274
00:10:38,807 --> 00:10:39,927
Good afternoon.
275
00:10:39,927 --> 00:10:40,916
No.
276
00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:45,167
Is no sun,
is no good for me.
277
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:46,287
I beg your pardon?
278
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:47,647
I homesick, yes.
279
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,087
Is there anywhere
you'd like me to sit?
280
00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:50,887
- Qué?
- I'm in room 7.
281
00:10:50,887 --> 00:10:52,607
Oh, yes,
please, here.
282
00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:55,567
You go up, up,
on right. Room 7.
283
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,247
- No, no.
- Yes, please, I show you.
284
00:10:57,247 --> 00:10:58,727
No, look,
I want a table.
285
00:10:58,727 --> 00:11:00,127
- A table.
- For one.
286
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,007
Table one, oh,
please, yes, yes.
287
00:11:02,007 --> 00:11:03,727
Table one,
so sorry.
288
00:11:03,727 --> 00:11:06,036
Here, here,
a table one.
289
00:11:06,727 --> 00:11:07,796
Thank you.
290
00:11:11,887 --> 00:11:13,487
So sorry, but I think
you say for room,
291
00:11:13,487 --> 00:11:15,887
and I do it, for I am
not one to know it easily.
292
00:11:15,887 --> 00:11:17,727
- I'm sorry.
- No, is my fault.
293
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,607
Well, I'll try the pate
and the lamb casserole.
294
00:11:19,607 --> 00:11:21,327
You room 10.
295
00:11:21,327 --> 00:11:22,807
No, room 7.
296
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,927
- Seven, si.
- Yes.
297
00:11:24,927 --> 00:11:26,727
No, no,
no, this table one.
298
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:30,127
Is Wednesday.
Room 7 is table five.
299
00:11:30,127 --> 00:11:31,116
No, please, here.
300
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:36,720
Please, so sorry.
301
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,362
Seven is what
I think you say...
302
00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:46,838
Como se dice en ingles...
303
00:11:50,287 --> 00:11:51,567
The pate
and the lamb.
304
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:53,727
Si. Pate, lamba,
pate, lamba, pate, lamba.
305
00:11:53,727 --> 00:11:54,927
Escriba-le,
escriba-le.
306
00:11:54,927 --> 00:11:56,047
Si, si, pate, lamba,
pate, lamba.
307
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:59,164
One ginger beer,
and one glass of fresh water.
308
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,087
- What are you doing there?
- Well, l...
309
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:04,967
You can't sit there,
it's taken. Come on.
310
00:12:04,967 --> 00:12:06,567
Look, I've been
moved once already.
311
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:07,727
You're in room 7,
aren't you?
312
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,327
But the waiter said
table five.
313
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:12,447
Well, this isn't table five.
Would you come over here, please?
314
00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:13,727
This is table five here,
come on.
315
00:12:13,727 --> 00:12:15,967
Look, I did ask
the waiter.
316
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:17,807
Well, he's hopeless, isn't he?
You might as well ask the cat.
317
00:12:17,807 --> 00:12:20,767
- Now, come on, settle down.
- I beg your pardon?
318
00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:23,087
Would you sit down, please?
319
00:12:23,087 --> 00:12:24,236
Thank you.
320
00:12:26,127 --> 00:12:28,687
I hate to trespass further
on your valuable time,
321
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:29,927
but might I look
at the wine list?
322
00:12:29,927 --> 00:12:31,047
Now?
323
00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:32,327
Yes, please.
324
00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:33,407
Excuse me.
325
00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:35,007
Here we are.
Happy now?
326
00:12:35,007 --> 00:12:36,406
Could I have
an ashtray, please?
327
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,727
Thank you, I'll have a bottle
of the Aloxe-Corton '65.
328
00:12:44,727 --> 00:12:47,287
- The what?
- The Aloxe-Corton '65.
329
00:12:47,287 --> 00:12:50,767
The Corton.
Of course, my pleasure.
330
00:12:50,767 --> 00:12:53,087
Ah, there you are, Mr. Hutchinson,
nice to have you back again.
331
00:12:53,087 --> 00:12:54,687
Not so close,
please, not so close.
332
00:12:54,687 --> 00:12:56,567
Oh, sorry, I hope everything
was to your satisfaction?
333
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,887
Your earpiece was very greasy,
I've wiped it out for you.
334
00:12:58,887 --> 00:13:00,367
Oh, thank you,
thank you so much.
335
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:03,127
Dreadfully greasy it was,
I don't know who's been using it.
336
00:13:03,127 --> 00:13:04,719
Covered in Brylcream...
337
00:13:06,607 --> 00:13:08,967
Oh, dear, oh, that's tepid!
338
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:11,127
Oh, have you got
an ice bucket, please?
339
00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:12,407
An ice bucket?
340
00:13:12,407 --> 00:13:14,087
This ginger beer
is distinctly warm.
341
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:16,607
Polly, an ice bucket
for Mr. Hutchinson, please.
342
00:13:16,607 --> 00:13:18,287
Thank you.
343
00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:20,403
There we are,
the Corton '65.
344
00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:49,925
Ah, the bit's still in there.
345
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:52,716
Sorry.
346
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,885
Sorry.
347
00:14:33,727 --> 00:14:35,607
Thank you so much.
348
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,727
May I congratulate you
on your choice?
349
00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:39,727
Yes, excuse me?
350
00:14:39,727 --> 00:14:42,195
- Yes?
- I'm afraid this is corked.
351
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,927
I just uncorked it.
Didn't you see me?
352
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,727
What?
353
00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:48,567
- Look.
- No, no.
354
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:49,767
You see, I took it out
of the bottle,
355
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:52,167
that's how I managed to get the wine
out of the bottle into your glass.
356
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:55,087
I don't mean that.
I mean the wine is corked.
357
00:14:55,087 --> 00:14:57,087
The wine has reacted
with the cork.
358
00:14:57,087 --> 00:14:58,407
I'm sorry?
359
00:14:58,407 --> 00:15:00,727
The wine has reacted
with the cork and gone bad.
360
00:15:00,727 --> 00:15:02,797
Gone bad?
May I?
361
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,727
You don't want it?
362
00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:18,847
- I'd like a bottle that isn't corked.
- That's cost me, hasn't it?
363
00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:21,727
Never mind, I'll get you another bottle.
I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.
364
00:15:21,727 --> 00:15:25,847
I said, I hope you're all
enjoying your meals.
365
00:15:25,847 --> 00:15:27,447
Thank you, thank you,
excuse me.
366
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:29,607
Excuse me, table five?
367
00:15:29,607 --> 00:15:31,527
Are you having the lamb
or the mackerel?
368
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:32,727
The lamb.
369
00:15:32,727 --> 00:15:34,285
I'll have another one
standing by just in case.
370
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:38,087
Let's give this one
a go then, shall we?
371
00:15:38,087 --> 00:15:39,567
Um, Polly?
372
00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:41,487
Would you get Mr. Hutchinson
his main course, please?
373
00:15:41,487 --> 00:15:43,407
So sorry to keep you waiting,
Mr. Hutchinson.
374
00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:44,727
It will be with you
in just one moment.
375
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:46,887
Thank you.
376
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:47,876
Basil?
377
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:51,847
Yes, dear?
378
00:15:51,847 --> 00:15:54,647
How are you getting on
with your hotel inspector?
379
00:15:54,647 --> 00:15:56,567
Oh, fine. Fine.
380
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:57,716
He sells spoons.
381
00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:03,367
Sorry?
382
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:05,407
I listened in
on his phone call.
383
00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:08,126
He works for a cutlery firm,
but he specializes in spoons.
384
00:16:10,207 --> 00:16:11,727
- You listened in?
- Yes.
385
00:16:11,727 --> 00:16:13,767
You listened in on a private call
of one of our guests?
386
00:16:13,767 --> 00:16:14,967
That's right, Basil.
387
00:16:14,967 --> 00:16:16,847
Little rat.
I'll get him for that.
388
00:16:16,847 --> 00:16:18,567
- Now, Basil...
- Trying it on with me.
389
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:19,847
Trying what on?
390
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:21,367
Pretending he's
a hotel inspector,
391
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:24,727
"Do we hire television sets?"
Fresh peas, ice buckets...
392
00:16:24,727 --> 00:16:26,727
- Basil, it was your mistake.
- Now you let me handle this...
393
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:27,716
Basil!
394
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:32,087
This whole inspector business
was in your own imagination,
395
00:16:32,087 --> 00:16:34,287
it's nothing to do with him.
There is no excuse for rudeness.
396
00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:38,167
Do you understand?
Do you understand?
397
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:39,805
- Yes!
- Good.
398
00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:49,360
- Papers arrive yet, Fawlty?
- Not yet, Major.
399
00:16:57,047 --> 00:16:58,719
Spoons, eh?
400
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,327
I'm sorry?
401
00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:03,238
Sp-p-oons.
402
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,727
I beg your pardon?
403
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,047
I understand you're
in the spoon trade.
404
00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:11,727
Oh, yes.
405
00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:14,927
Fascinating,
how absorbing for you.
406
00:17:14,927 --> 00:17:17,727
So much more interesting
than being a hotel inspector!
407
00:17:17,727 --> 00:17:19,718
What?
408
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:23,407
Thank you... no dear,
Miss? Miss?
409
00:17:23,407 --> 00:17:25,127
- Yes?
- I didn't order that.
410
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,167
Is there something we can get you,
Mr. Hutchinson?
411
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:29,078
A tea cozy for your
pepper pot, perhaps?
412
00:17:30,607 --> 00:17:32,127
I changed the order,
you see.
413
00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:33,527
What seems to be
the trouble?
414
00:17:33,527 --> 00:17:35,487
I thought Mr. Hutchinson
ordered an omelette...
415
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:38,047
No, he went off it, so we changed the order.
It's perfectly simple.
416
00:17:38,047 --> 00:17:39,527
Well, I'm sorry,
but I wasn't told.
417
00:17:39,527 --> 00:17:41,167
I told chef, so he
should have told you.
418
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:42,607
- Well, he didn't.
- Is that my fault?
419
00:17:42,607 --> 00:17:43,607
No, is it mine?
420
00:17:43,607 --> 00:17:44,727
- No, it's his.
- What?
421
00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:45,727
- It's the chef's fault.
- I beg your pardon?
422
00:17:45,727 --> 00:17:48,287
Clearly in a case like this,
where the order's been changed,
423
00:17:48,287 --> 00:17:49,847
the chef's been informed,
it's his responsibility...
424
00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:51,127
- You want to run the place?
- What?
425
00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:52,287
You want to come
and run the hotel?
426
00:17:52,287 --> 00:17:55,247
Mr. Hutchinson's taking over, Polly,
so I'll have the omelette.
427
00:17:55,247 --> 00:17:58,167
With his "natural charm and wide experience"
he'll have no problems.
428
00:17:58,167 --> 00:17:59,847
Can't sit around all day,
there's lots to be done.
429
00:17:59,847 --> 00:18:00,847
No, no!
430
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,567
What is going on, Basil?
431
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:05,007
- Hello, dear.
- Well?
432
00:18:05,007 --> 00:18:06,287
Is that better,
Mr. Hutchinson?
433
00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:07,567
- What?
- Is that better?
434
00:18:07,567 --> 00:18:10,247
Good, good, well,
that's all sorted out then.
435
00:18:10,247 --> 00:18:11,407
Is there something wrong?
436
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:14,127
Yes, I have been given
an erroneous dish.
437
00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,727
Thank you, Basil, I'll deal with this.
Thank you, Polly.
438
00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:17,727
Now, Mr. Hutchinson...
439
00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:21,687
I did order the omelette in the first place,
but then I changed my mind.
440
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:24,287
I see. I'll just go in the kitchen
and find out what's happened.
441
00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:25,276
Thank you.
442
00:18:32,007 --> 00:18:33,927
- Manuel?
- Si.
443
00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:35,527
The bottle.
444
00:18:35,527 --> 00:18:36,687
- Yes.
- Where is it?
445
00:18:36,687 --> 00:18:38,247
- Qué?
- Donde es...
446
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,527
Oh, I take it.
I take it. I take it.
447
00:18:40,527 --> 00:18:43,047
Come here.
You're a waste of space.
448
00:18:43,047 --> 00:18:44,196
Oh-hh!
449
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:52,047
- There we are.
- No, no, just a moment.
450
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,727
I did not order that.
451
00:18:53,727 --> 00:18:55,687
- You didn't?
- I did not.
452
00:18:55,687 --> 00:18:57,247
I'm sorry, there's an order
for paté for this table.
453
00:18:57,247 --> 00:19:00,567
Dear me.
Things do seem to be going wrong today.
454
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:02,567
Sybil, taking care of things,
are you?
455
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:03,567
Yes, thank you, Basil.
456
00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:04,727
Everything's all right, then?
457
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,727
- It appears that I'm...
- We're sorting it out.
458
00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,727
- You didn't order Paté Maison, did you?
- No, I did not. I ordered...
459
00:19:09,727 --> 00:19:11,445
I'll leave you
to deal with it.
460
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,247
How did you do that?
461
00:19:30,247 --> 00:19:31,727
What?
462
00:19:31,727 --> 00:19:33,327
- Where did you get it?
- Where did I get it?
463
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:34,847
That's right.
How did you get it?
464
00:19:34,847 --> 00:19:36,687
The waiter
opened it for me.
465
00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:38,367
The waiter
opened it for you?
466
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:41,727
- Yes.
- I've told you about him, haven't I?
467
00:19:41,727 --> 00:19:42,716
Ow!
468
00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:46,247
Oh, no, no,
for goodness sake!
469
00:19:46,247 --> 00:19:47,607
What is it?
What is it!
470
00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:49,727
I did not order
a lamb casserole.
471
00:19:49,727 --> 00:19:51,047
No, he didn't.
472
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:53,207
He did not order one, Polly.
So why has he got one?
473
00:19:53,207 --> 00:19:54,887
Mrs. Fawlty told me
to give him one.
474
00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:55,927
I know how she feels.
475
00:19:55,927 --> 00:19:57,367
I've got an order
for one here.
476
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:58,727
Who took the order?
477
00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:01,127
- I don't know.
- Manuel!
478
00:20:01,127 --> 00:20:02,487
I mean, look.
How can it be...
479
00:20:02,487 --> 00:20:04,647
How can it be so difficult
to get a cheese salad?
480
00:20:04,647 --> 00:20:06,727
- You want to run the place?
- No, no, l...
481
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:08,967
- Shut up, then.
- I beg your pardon?
482
00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:10,287
I'll get you a cheese salad,
Mr. Hutchinson.
483
00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:11,887
Don't listen to anyone.
Just get a cheese salad.
484
00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:13,167
Si? Ow!
485
00:20:13,167 --> 00:20:16,287
Excuse me!
I've changed my mind.
486
00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:18,447
I do not want the cheese salad.
I wish to cancel it.
487
00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:20,367
I am not used to being
spoken to like that,
488
00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:23,207
and I have no wish
to continue my luncheon.
489
00:20:23,207 --> 00:20:25,727
I apologize if what I said
seemed a trifle brusque.
490
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:28,327
Brusque?
It was rude. I said, rude!
491
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,087
I'm deeply sorry
if it came over like that.
492
00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,727
Nothing could have been
further from my mind.
493
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:33,407
You told me to shut up.
494
00:20:33,407 --> 00:20:36,127
No, no.
He told me to shut up.
495
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,327
What?
He said it to me.
496
00:20:37,327 --> 00:20:40,127
I was looking at you,
but I was talking to Polly.
497
00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:41,607
Oh, yes.
498
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:44,127
Did you notice that I was looking
at you but talking to her?
499
00:20:44,127 --> 00:20:47,047
You see, he was looking at you,
but talking to me, wasn't he?
500
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:48,367
- Wasn't I?
- What?
501
00:20:48,367 --> 00:20:49,887
You weren't being rude,
were you, Mr. Fawlty?
502
00:20:49,887 --> 00:20:51,527
Absolutely not.
You see?
503
00:20:51,527 --> 00:20:52,767
- Me?
- Yes.
504
00:20:52,767 --> 00:20:54,087
If you say "Shut up"
to somebody,
505
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,447
- that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
- Not necessarily.
506
00:20:56,447 --> 00:20:58,207
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
- Yes.
507
00:20:58,207 --> 00:20:59,567
I beg your pardon?
508
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:01,727
You see how easily these
misunderstandings occur?
509
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:02,727
Yes, I do.
510
00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:04,727
So, one cheese salad
please, Polly.
511
00:21:04,727 --> 00:21:05,887
Certainly,
Mr. Hutchinson.
512
00:21:05,887 --> 00:21:07,287
If there's anything else,
don't hesitate to ask.
513
00:21:07,287 --> 00:21:08,720
Thank you.
514
00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:13,727
What are you doing?
515
00:21:13,727 --> 00:21:16,719
I'm so sorry.
He's from Barcelona.
516
00:21:18,087 --> 00:21:19,807
I trust your paté
was satisfactory?
517
00:21:19,807 --> 00:21:21,727
- Yes, thank you.
- Oh, good.
518
00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:22,767
The chef buys it
himself, you know.
519
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:23,807
Buys it?
520
00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:25,207
He insists on it.
521
00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:28,647
I imagine the Corton
complemented it delightfully.
522
00:21:28,647 --> 00:21:30,287
- Yes, it's very good.
- Excellent.
523
00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:32,567
- More like a '66, really.
- Is it?
524
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:34,398
Well, lots of body.
525
00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:38,647
Yes, quite right.
526
00:21:38,647 --> 00:21:40,607
It's always a pleasure
to meet someone
527
00:21:40,607 --> 00:21:42,687
who appreciates
the boudoir of the grape.
528
00:21:42,687 --> 00:21:45,727
I'm afraid most people we get here
don't know a bordeaux from a claret.
529
00:21:45,727 --> 00:21:47,287
A bordeaux is a claret.
530
00:21:47,287 --> 00:21:51,607
A bordeaux is a claret, yes.
But they wouldn't know that.
531
00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:53,727
You obviously drink a lot.
532
00:21:53,727 --> 00:21:54,807
Wine, I mean.
533
00:21:54,807 --> 00:21:57,127
I don't mean a lot... a fair amount...
the right amount for a connoisseur.
534
00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:58,607
That doesn't mean you're...
does it?
535
00:21:58,607 --> 00:22:01,247
Some people drink it by the crate,
but that's not being a connoisseur.
536
00:22:01,247 --> 00:22:02,726
That's just plain sloshed.
537
00:22:03,847 --> 00:22:05,687
A bordeaux's one
of the clarets, all right.
538
00:22:05,687 --> 00:22:06,881
One.
539
00:22:11,927 --> 00:22:13,367
You are down here
on business, are you?
540
00:22:13,367 --> 00:22:14,607
What?
541
00:22:14,607 --> 00:22:15,687
You're not in the wine trade,
by any chance?
542
00:22:15,687 --> 00:22:17,047
- No, we're not.
- "We're"?
543
00:22:17,047 --> 00:22:19,607
I am down here on business
with a couple of colleagues
544
00:22:19,607 --> 00:22:21,047
and we are not
in the wine trade.
545
00:22:21,047 --> 00:22:22,967
It's just that you're
obviously so expert.
546
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:24,727
- No, I am not expert.
- Oh, but you are.
547
00:22:24,727 --> 00:22:26,167
- No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes you are.
548
00:22:26,167 --> 00:22:27,407
I am not
an expert.
549
00:22:27,407 --> 00:22:29,447
- Three of you?
- What?!
550
00:22:29,447 --> 00:22:31,727
Three of you?
551
00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:33,847
Yes, there are three of us.
But the other two aren't here.
552
00:22:33,847 --> 00:22:36,202
- They're staying at another hotel...
- Quite!
553
00:22:38,247 --> 00:22:39,767
It's all right, is it?
554
00:22:39,767 --> 00:22:42,447
I mean, things in general?
The wine is really good?
555
00:22:42,447 --> 00:22:44,207
- Yes.
- And the paté was all right?
556
00:22:44,207 --> 00:22:46,047
- Yes, I said so.
- And the casserole?
557
00:22:46,047 --> 00:22:49,487
- I haven't tasted it yet.
- Mmm.
558
00:22:49,487 --> 00:22:51,807
I have not been given
the chance.
559
00:22:51,807 --> 00:22:54,007
Oh, come on now.
This is quite absurd.
560
00:22:54,007 --> 00:22:56,607
I'm sorry,
I do not want the omelette.
561
00:22:56,607 --> 00:22:58,687
- It's nice.
- I don't want the bloody thing.
562
00:22:58,687 --> 00:23:00,367
- I've sent it back once.
- Give it to me.
563
00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:02,647
I fail to see how this
sort of thing could happen.
564
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:03,727
There. I've torn it up.
You'll never see it again.
565
00:23:03,727 --> 00:23:06,967
All I wanted
was a cheese salad.
566
00:23:06,967 --> 00:23:08,727
Thank you, Polly.
One cheese salad.
567
00:23:08,727 --> 00:23:10,767
There we are, sir. I'm so glad
everything is to your satisfaction.
568
00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:13,047
No, it is not.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
569
00:23:13,047 --> 00:23:15,407
You are supposed
to be running a hotel.
570
00:23:15,407 --> 00:23:16,887
My, that does look good.
571
00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:20,007
I've had the omelette,
a prawn cocktail with a silly name...
572
00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,247
Look at that cheddar.
Delicious.
573
00:23:21,247 --> 00:23:23,287
...a plate of stew,
then the omelette again.
574
00:23:23,287 --> 00:23:26,727
- Can we keep it down a little?
- All I wanted was a cheese salad.
575
00:23:26,727 --> 00:23:27,847
It wasn't as though I'd ordered
an elephant's ear on a bun!
576
00:23:27,847 --> 00:23:29,447
Thank you, sir.
577
00:23:29,447 --> 00:23:31,927
The whole thing
is ridiculous!
578
00:23:31,927 --> 00:23:33,767
For a man who's supposed
to be running a hotel,
579
00:23:33,767 --> 00:23:37,760
your behavior...
is totally...
580
00:23:40,727 --> 00:23:43,407
Is there anything else
that I can get for you?
581
00:23:43,407 --> 00:23:45,407
Look at that cheese.
Isn't that lovely?
582
00:23:45,407 --> 00:23:48,047
- I can't breathe!
- It's all right, he's only choking.
583
00:23:48,047 --> 00:23:51,005
Don't worry, a bit of cheese
went the wrong way.
584
00:23:55,207 --> 00:23:56,727
Never mind.
He's fainted.
585
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:57,727
Manuel!
586
00:23:57,727 --> 00:23:59,727
Poor chap.
A bit of cheese.
587
00:23:59,727 --> 00:24:00,716
Yes, please.
588
00:24:03,847 --> 00:24:04,887
What's happened?
589
00:24:04,887 --> 00:24:06,327
- He's fainted.
- Fainted?
590
00:24:06,327 --> 00:24:07,727
Got a bit of cheese stuck.
591
00:24:07,727 --> 00:24:09,847
You do not faint from getting
a bit of cheese stuck.
592
00:24:09,847 --> 00:24:11,647
I was giving him a bit
of a pat on the back
593
00:24:11,647 --> 00:24:13,407
and he sort of moved
just as I was, uh...
594
00:24:13,407 --> 00:24:14,687
What have you done, Basil?
595
00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:15,727
He moved just as l...
596
00:24:15,727 --> 00:24:16,967
Oh, my God.
Call the doctor.
597
00:24:16,967 --> 00:24:18,287
- Look, I can handle it.
- Call the doctor!
598
00:24:18,287 --> 00:24:20,727
- I can handle it!
- Call the doctor!
599
00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:23,167
Obviously, I can't handle it!
"I'm just a great sabertoothed tart,
600
00:24:23,167 --> 00:24:25,727
so we'll let my husband do it."
601
00:24:25,727 --> 00:24:29,007
So sorry to have left you.
I trust you enjoyed your meal?
602
00:24:29,007 --> 00:24:30,247
Yes, thank you.
I was wondering...
603
00:24:30,247 --> 00:24:31,487
The casserole was
really good, was it?
604
00:24:31,487 --> 00:24:32,847
Well, it was adequate.
605
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:34,727
Quite, yes, exactly.
606
00:24:34,727 --> 00:24:36,727
I'm afraid our chef at lunch
today is not our regular,
607
00:24:36,727 --> 00:24:39,367
I'm sorry about that poor chap
choking himself like that.
608
00:24:39,367 --> 00:24:41,167
I was wondering if you
had a telephone I might use?
609
00:24:41,167 --> 00:24:42,247
Yes, please.
610
00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:43,927
Don't know how
he managed to do it...
611
00:24:43,927 --> 00:24:46,687
Ah, there he is. Good.
Mr. Hutchinson, there you are.
612
00:24:46,687 --> 00:24:48,647
What a frightful shame
about that bit of cheese
613
00:24:48,647 --> 00:24:50,167
getting stuck in the old
windpipe like that.
614
00:24:50,167 --> 00:24:51,607
Would you like to go in there
and discuss it?
615
00:24:51,607 --> 00:24:54,087
No, I'd prefer to come in here
and discuss it.
616
00:24:54,087 --> 00:24:55,964
It's a little bit
of a mess...
617
00:24:58,127 --> 00:25:01,403
That lie down seems
to have done you some good.
618
00:25:05,287 --> 00:25:06,879
Sorry about this.
619
00:25:09,567 --> 00:25:10,567
Ow!
620
00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:11,886
You all right?
621
00:25:13,727 --> 00:25:17,487
I'm not a violent man,
Mr. Fawlty.
622
00:25:17,487 --> 00:25:19,487
- Yes, you are!
- No, I'm not!
623
00:25:19,487 --> 00:25:21,407
When I'm insulted
and then attacked,
624
00:25:21,407 --> 00:25:24,047
I prefer to rely on my own mettle
than call the police.
625
00:25:24,047 --> 00:25:25,047
- Do you?
- Yes, I do.
626
00:25:25,047 --> 00:25:26,207
Now stand up like a man.
Come on!
627
00:25:26,207 --> 00:25:27,647
Bit of trouble
with the old leg.
628
00:25:27,647 --> 00:25:30,567
Come on!
Yeah.
629
00:25:30,567 --> 00:25:32,247
Look what I've found.
630
00:25:32,247 --> 00:25:33,887
I hope I've made
my point.
631
00:25:33,887 --> 00:25:35,727
Oh, absolutely.
I've been looking for that.
632
00:25:35,727 --> 00:25:36,967
I would just like to say...
633
00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:39,927
this hotel is extremely
inefficient and badly run,
634
00:25:39,927 --> 00:25:41,963
and you are a very rude
and discourteous man.
635
00:25:43,527 --> 00:25:45,207
Did I say something funny,
Mr. Fawlty?
636
00:25:45,207 --> 00:25:47,047
Sort of pithy,
I suppose.
637
00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:48,082
Well, here's
the punch line.
638
00:25:49,927 --> 00:25:51,567
Now, I'm going to fetch
my belongings
639
00:25:51,567 --> 00:25:53,717
and I do not expect
to receive a bill.
640
00:25:56,407 --> 00:25:58,284
You've handled that,
have you, Basil?
641
00:26:00,807 --> 00:26:02,320
Yes, dear, thank you.
Leave it to me.
642
00:26:02,527 --> 00:26:05,087
Incidentally,
I don't know if you realize,
643
00:26:05,087 --> 00:26:06,647
but he's a regular
customer of ours...
644
00:26:06,647 --> 00:26:08,727
He loves it here.
It's his second home.
645
00:26:08,727 --> 00:26:11,047
We always have to have
this little...
646
00:26:11,047 --> 00:26:12,727
I don't know why,
but he seems to like it.
647
00:26:12,727 --> 00:26:14,007
Really?
648
00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:15,527
The only danger is that
somebody is going to think
649
00:26:15,527 --> 00:26:19,927
that he isn't satisfied about something,
or the fighting is real and tell somebody.
650
00:26:19,927 --> 00:26:21,407
You won't mention it,
will you?
651
00:26:21,407 --> 00:26:23,727
We'd love to offer you dinner here tonight
as our guest, to show our gratitude.
652
00:26:23,727 --> 00:26:24,767
What?
653
00:26:24,767 --> 00:26:25,767
Dinner tonight?
Would you...?
654
00:26:25,767 --> 00:26:27,727
No, I can't tonight.
Thank you.
655
00:26:27,727 --> 00:26:28,767
Tomorrow night?
656
00:26:28,767 --> 00:26:30,727
I shall be leaving tomorrow.
I'm sorry.
657
00:26:30,727 --> 00:26:32,843
All right.
£50, then.
658
00:26:33,847 --> 00:26:36,167
- Beg your pardon?
- £50 not to mention it.
659
00:26:36,167 --> 00:26:37,287
£50 pounds?
660
00:26:37,287 --> 00:26:39,287
Well, £60 not to write
about it...
661
00:26:39,287 --> 00:26:41,647
Articles, books, letters.
662
00:26:41,647 --> 00:26:43,047
I'm afraid
I really don't...
663
00:26:43,047 --> 00:26:45,607
Please! It's taken us 12 years
to build this place up.
664
00:26:45,607 --> 00:26:46,727
Don't put this
in the book.
665
00:26:46,727 --> 00:26:47,727
We're finished if you...
please don't.
666
00:26:47,727 --> 00:26:49,327
- Book? What book?
- The hotel guide.
667
00:26:49,327 --> 00:26:51,847
Sorry, I shouldn't
have mentioned it.
668
00:26:51,847 --> 00:26:54,727
What have I done?
669
00:26:54,727 --> 00:26:56,638
You've got me confused
with someone else.
670
00:27:01,607 --> 00:27:04,087
I've nothing to do
with any hotel guide.
671
00:27:04,087 --> 00:27:06,767
I'm down here
for the exhibition.
672
00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:10,727
I sell outboard motors.
673
00:27:10,727 --> 00:27:12,247
What...?
674
00:27:12,247 --> 00:27:14,283
(whimpering)
Outboard motors?
675
00:27:16,767 --> 00:27:19,887
You're not an inspector?
Not on the side?
676
00:27:19,887 --> 00:27:22,007
- No.
- Swear to God?
677
00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:24,607
I tell you,
I have nothing to do with it.
678
00:27:24,607 --> 00:27:26,518
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
679
00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:30,321
I don't know how
I could ever th...
680
00:27:32,967 --> 00:27:34,719
Thanks!
Thanks!
681
00:27:39,007 --> 00:27:41,807
26 bedrooms,
12 with private bathrooms.
682
00:27:41,807 --> 00:27:43,607
Why don't you have
dinner here,
683
00:27:43,607 --> 00:27:45,247
and Chris and I
can try the Claremont?
684
00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:48,842
Okay, the owner's
one Basil Fawlty.
685
00:27:51,487 --> 00:27:54,647
Please, Señor, Mr. Fawlty
wants to say adios!
686
00:27:54,647 --> 00:27:56,399
No, no!
687
00:27:59,687 --> 00:28:01,607
Papers arrived yet,
Fawlty?
688
00:28:01,607 --> 00:28:02,642
Not yet, Major.
Sorry.
689
00:28:14,927 --> 00:28:16,647
Good afternoon,
gentlemen.
690
00:28:16,647 --> 00:28:18,922
And what can I do
for you three gentlemen?
691
00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:22,558
(closing theme music)