1 00:00:04,327 --> 00:00:05,442 (opening music theme) 2 00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:33,687 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 3 00:00:33,687 --> 00:00:36,007 - Hello? - What a shame. 4 00:00:36,007 --> 00:00:38,127 - Manuel? - Operator, what is going on? 5 00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:40,287 Oh, I know. 6 00:00:40,287 --> 00:00:42,517 I've been trying to get through to the speaking clock. 7 00:00:44,007 --> 00:00:45,487 Oh, dear. 8 00:00:45,487 --> 00:00:48,207 Well, it's engaged. 9 00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:49,287 How awful. 10 00:00:49,287 --> 00:00:50,847 It's been engaged for 10 minutes. 11 00:00:50,847 --> 00:00:52,997 How is this possible? My wife isn't talking to it. 12 00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:56,447 Hold your head back. 13 00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,287 That usually stops it. 14 00:00:58,287 --> 00:01:00,687 The speaking clock has taken the phone off the hook. 15 00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:03,447 Or there's been a light shower within 20 miles. 16 00:01:03,447 --> 00:01:05,367 Well, you'd better not go on 17 00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:07,367 if it's getting on the bedspread. 18 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,447 Unobtainable. The clock's been cut off. 19 00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:11,607 Obviously didn't pay its bill. 20 00:01:11,607 --> 00:01:14,727 Call me back when you've staunched it. 21 00:01:14,727 --> 00:01:17,487 I don't know why she stays with him. 22 00:01:17,487 --> 00:01:18,927 Oh, that's pretty. 23 00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:20,887 Hello, you got the guide. 24 00:01:20,887 --> 00:01:22,567 Good evening, Mr. Johnson. 25 00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:23,767 Evening, any messages? 26 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:25,447 Three, I think. 27 00:01:25,447 --> 00:01:28,207 Three? Everybody wants you, don't they? 28 00:01:28,207 --> 00:01:29,447 I wouldn't say that. 29 00:01:29,447 --> 00:01:32,447 Ah, well. You're only single once. 30 00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,836 Basil: Twice can be arranged. 31 00:01:36,047 --> 00:01:38,436 - What, basil? - Basil: Nothing, my dear. 32 00:01:40,647 --> 00:01:42,717 We got enough bananas this week, dear? 33 00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,523 (Sybil laughing) 34 00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:55,447 So Harry says, 35 00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:57,407 "You don't like me anymore. Why not?" 36 00:01:57,407 --> 00:01:58,447 And he says, 37 00:01:58,447 --> 00:02:00,367 "'Cause you got so terribly pretentious." 38 00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:02,881 And Harry says, "Pretentious, moi?" 39 00:02:04,287 --> 00:02:05,927 I'll just try that number. 40 00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:08,567 Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it? 41 00:02:08,567 --> 00:02:10,447 "Moi," ha ha! 42 00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,807 Did you hear it, Basil? 43 00:02:11,807 --> 00:02:13,847 - What, dear? - The joke. 44 00:02:13,847 --> 00:02:15,447 Oh, a joke. No, I heard you laugh. 45 00:02:15,447 --> 00:02:17,607 I thought perhaps he was having a tea party. 46 00:02:17,607 --> 00:02:19,607 Tea party? 47 00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,407 Oh, now I understand the banana reference, 48 00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:24,167 you mean you think he looks like a monkey. 49 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:25,447 Only from some angles. 50 00:02:25,447 --> 00:02:28,447 Well, from my angle, he's very attractive. 51 00:02:28,447 --> 00:02:29,767 Attractive? 52 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:32,527 You know, easy and amusing and charming. 53 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,807 Charming, eh? 54 00:02:33,807 --> 00:02:35,447 Well, he's certainly covered in charms. 55 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,127 I've never seen so many medals 'round one neck in my life. 56 00:02:38,127 --> 00:02:40,447 He must be the bravest orangutan in Britain. 57 00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:43,047 What is the point of decorating yourself like that? 58 00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:45,087 They're not just for decoration, 59 00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:46,447 they have symbolic meaning. 60 00:02:46,447 --> 00:02:48,807 Sybil, that type would wear a dog turd 'round its neck 61 00:02:48,807 --> 00:02:50,647 if it was made of gold. 62 00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:53,847 Basil, you're so ignorant sometimes. 63 00:02:53,847 --> 00:02:56,447 One of them happens to be a rhino's tooth. 64 00:02:56,447 --> 00:02:58,887 One's an ancient Egyptian fertility symbol... 65 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,807 Well, that must come in handy. 66 00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:03,407 It's not supposed to be handy, Basil. 67 00:03:03,407 --> 00:03:05,447 It goes back to the dawn of civilization. 68 00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:08,407 By the look of his forehead, so does he. 69 00:03:08,407 --> 00:03:10,047 Tell me, Basil, what is it about 70 00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:13,687 the Mediterranean type that antagonizes you so? 71 00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:15,647 Is it because women find them attractive? 72 00:03:15,647 --> 00:03:17,167 - Sybil... - You seem to think 73 00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:18,447 that we girls should be aroused 74 00:03:18,447 --> 00:03:21,087 by people like Gladstone and Earl Haig 75 00:03:21,087 --> 00:03:22,767 and Baden-Powell, don't you? 76 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,247 Well, at least they had a certain dignity. 77 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,167 It's hard to imagine Earl Haig wandering round 78 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,567 with his shirt open at the waist, 79 00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,367 covered with identity bracelets, isn't it? 80 00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:31,807 Well, he didn't mind the medals, did he? 81 00:03:31,807 --> 00:03:33,447 The military decorations? 82 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,967 That's not the point. 83 00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:36,927 I suppose the reason you confuse them with monkeys 84 00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,327 is that monkeys have fun. 85 00:03:38,327 --> 00:03:40,207 They know how to enjoy themselves. 86 00:03:40,207 --> 00:03:41,647 That's what makes them sexy, I suppose. 87 00:03:41,647 --> 00:03:42,847 I never thought of that. 88 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,447 - Good evening. - Good evening. 89 00:03:44,447 --> 00:03:46,327 I telephoned earlier. The name is Abbott. 90 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,447 Oh, yes. There hasn't been a cancellation, I'm afraid, 91 00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,047 so it is still a room without bath. 92 00:03:51,047 --> 00:03:52,607 - That's fine. - Oh, good. 93 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,438 Will you just fill that in for me, please? 94 00:03:57,447 --> 00:03:59,807 Yes, we're terribly busy at the moment. 95 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,447 Just enjoying myself. Good evening. 96 00:04:01,447 --> 00:04:02,567 Good evening. 97 00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:04,080 - Good evening. - Good evening. 98 00:04:04,447 --> 00:04:05,447 (howling) 99 00:04:05,447 --> 00:04:07,767 That felt better. 100 00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:09,967 Thank you, Mr. Abbott. 101 00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:11,967 Oh, Dr. Abbott, sorry. 102 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:13,887 - Doctor? - Yes? 103 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,847 I'm terribly sorry, we hadn't been told. 104 00:04:15,847 --> 00:04:17,607 We hadn't been told you were a doctor. 105 00:04:17,607 --> 00:04:18,727 How do you do, doctor? 106 00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:19,847 Very nice to have you with us, doctor. 107 00:04:19,847 --> 00:04:20,887 Thank you. 108 00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:22,647 You're in room five, doctor. 109 00:04:22,647 --> 00:04:24,127 And Mrs. Abbott, how do you do? 110 00:04:24,127 --> 00:04:25,127 Dr. Abbott, actually. 111 00:04:25,127 --> 00:04:27,007 - I'm sorry? - Dr. Abbott. 112 00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:28,007 Two doctors. 113 00:04:28,007 --> 00:04:29,967 - You're two doctors? - Yes. 114 00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:31,447 How did you become two doctors? 115 00:04:31,447 --> 00:04:32,687 Most unusual. I mean, 116 00:04:32,687 --> 00:04:34,927 did you take the exam twice, or... 117 00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:36,327 No. My wife's a doctor. 118 00:04:36,327 --> 00:04:37,647 I'm a doctor. 119 00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:39,767 You're a doctor, too. So you're three doctors! 120 00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:41,527 No, I'm just one doctor. 121 00:04:41,527 --> 00:04:43,327 My wife is another doctor. 122 00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:45,007 (ringing) Manuel. 123 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:47,687 Your room is at the top of the stairs and on to the left. 124 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,647 Oh, I see! I thought when you said two doctors... 125 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:52,447 Manuel, would you take the doctors' cases up 126 00:04:52,447 --> 00:04:53,447 to number five, please? 127 00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:55,647 Yes, this way please, doctors. 128 00:04:55,647 --> 00:04:57,647 When you said that you were two doctors, 129 00:04:57,647 --> 00:04:59,444 I thought perhaps you were a doctor of medicine 130 00:05:00,287 --> 00:05:01,167 and perhaps a doctor of... 131 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,447 Did you get through all right? 132 00:05:02,447 --> 00:05:04,127 One was busy. I'll try again in a minute. 133 00:05:04,127 --> 00:05:06,127 I forgot to ask, any news on a room for my mother? 134 00:05:06,127 --> 00:05:07,607 Oh, yes. 135 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:09,527 Number 16 has decided to stay, I'm afraid. 136 00:05:09,527 --> 00:05:11,327 I tried a couple of other places for you 137 00:05:11,327 --> 00:05:12,647 but everywhere's full at the moment. 138 00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:14,567 Oh well, no hassle. She won't mind sharing with me. 139 00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:16,487 Lucky mum, ha ha. 140 00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:18,327 I'll just go and try that number again. 141 00:05:18,327 --> 00:05:19,927 Here, use this one. 142 00:05:19,927 --> 00:05:20,996 Oh. Thank you. 143 00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:25,447 May I ask... 144 00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:29,927 the sign on the chain by the Egyptian fertility symbol, 145 00:05:29,927 --> 00:05:31,447 what is that? 146 00:05:31,447 --> 00:05:33,727 It's, um... Greek astrological sign. 147 00:05:33,727 --> 00:05:36,287 Oh, it's beautiful. Where did you get it? 148 00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:37,967 Um, Colchester, I think. 149 00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:40,447 - Colchester! - Hello. 150 00:05:40,447 --> 00:05:41,687 Can I speak to John Lawson, please? 151 00:05:41,687 --> 00:05:43,807 All right, I'll hold on. 152 00:05:43,807 --> 00:05:46,127 So, your mother will be arriving tomorrow? 153 00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:47,447 Yes, first thing. She's getting 154 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,487 the overnight train down from Newcastle. 155 00:05:48,487 --> 00:05:49,887 Newcastle? 156 00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:51,927 Yeah, visiting grandchildren. She's 77. 157 00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:53,407 77. 158 00:05:53,407 --> 00:05:55,447 Isn't that amazing? 159 00:05:55,447 --> 00:05:57,447 Old people are wonderful 160 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:59,327 when they have so much life, aren't they? 161 00:05:59,327 --> 00:06:01,318 Gives us all hope, doesn't it? 162 00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:04,527 My mother, on the other hand, 163 00:06:04,527 --> 00:06:07,087 is a little bit of a trial, really. 164 00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:10,007 You know, it's all right when they have the life force, 165 00:06:10,007 --> 00:06:11,367 but mother, well... 166 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,927 she's got more of the death force, really. 167 00:06:13,927 --> 00:06:15,327 She's a worrier... 168 00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:16,607 No, it's all right. I'll hold. 169 00:06:16,607 --> 00:06:18,447 She has these... 170 00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:21,527 well, morbid fears they are, really. 171 00:06:21,527 --> 00:06:23,961 Vans is one. 172 00:06:25,407 --> 00:06:28,807 Rats... Doorknobs... 173 00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:32,447 Birds, heights, open spaces... 174 00:06:32,447 --> 00:06:34,487 Confined spaces... 175 00:06:34,487 --> 00:06:38,247 It's very difficult getting the space right for her, really. 176 00:06:38,247 --> 00:06:40,207 You know... 177 00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:44,847 Footballs, bicycles, cows... 178 00:06:44,847 --> 00:06:47,687 And she's always on about men following her. 179 00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:50,167 I don't know what she thinks they're going to do to her. 180 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:52,647 Vomit on her, Basil says. 181 00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:55,367 Can I leave my number? He can call me back. 182 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:57,927 - And death. - I see. Right. 183 00:06:57,927 --> 00:06:59,447 She's frightened of death. 184 00:06:59,447 --> 00:07:02,007 I've told her there's nothing she can do about it. 185 00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:04,127 On about it the whole time, she is. 186 00:07:04,127 --> 00:07:05,847 I mean, nature can only take its course. 187 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:07,167 The only thing you can hope for 188 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:09,487 is that it won't be long drawn out and painful. 189 00:07:09,487 --> 00:07:10,927 But she can't accept that. 190 00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:12,487 Oh, excuse me. Hello, John? 191 00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:13,967 How are you? Oh, fine. 192 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,719 Just down for the weekend. 193 00:07:17,447 --> 00:07:18,607 Charming people. 194 00:07:18,607 --> 00:07:19,887 Hmm? 195 00:07:19,887 --> 00:07:21,607 The Abbotts. Charming couple. 196 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,247 Yes, all three of them. 197 00:07:23,247 --> 00:07:25,447 No, I'm all right for tonight. 198 00:07:25,447 --> 00:07:26,647 You know dear, that, um, 199 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,527 that outfit Mrs. Abbott was wearing, 200 00:07:28,527 --> 00:07:30,047 you should get yourself something like that. 201 00:07:30,047 --> 00:07:31,887 What, for the gardening, you mean? 202 00:07:31,887 --> 00:07:33,807 No, I can't tomorrow night. How about lunch? 203 00:07:33,807 --> 00:07:34,967 Yes, attractive woman. 204 00:07:34,967 --> 00:07:36,447 How old would you say she was, Sybil? 205 00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:39,167 - 48, 50? - Oh, now, Sybil! 206 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,447 I really don't know, Basil, perhaps she's 12. 207 00:07:41,447 --> 00:07:43,447 Favorite. Magic. 208 00:07:43,447 --> 00:07:46,327 It's nice to have that kind of person staying, isn't it? 209 00:07:46,327 --> 00:07:47,647 Professional class, educated, 210 00:07:47,647 --> 00:07:48,687 civilized. 211 00:07:48,687 --> 00:07:50,687 We've both ends of the evolutionary scale 212 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:51,915 this week, haven't we? 213 00:07:54,927 --> 00:07:57,047 Good evening. 214 00:07:57,047 --> 00:07:58,727 We're just going out for a stroll. 215 00:07:58,727 --> 00:07:59,967 What time do you serve dinner? 216 00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:01,167 7:30 till 9:00. 217 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:02,447 See you tomorrow then. Ciao. 218 00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:03,847 Do you have a guide to Torquay? 219 00:08:03,847 --> 00:08:05,007 A guide... 220 00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:07,127 Um, oh dear. I think we're out of them again. 221 00:08:07,127 --> 00:08:08,447 Do you want to look at this one? 222 00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:09,447 I got it in town. 223 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,447 Oh, thanks. 224 00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:11,807 "What's on in Torquay." 225 00:08:11,807 --> 00:08:13,763 One of the world's shortest books. 226 00:08:15,207 --> 00:08:16,322 What? 227 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:19,647 One of the world's shortest books. 228 00:08:19,647 --> 00:08:22,487 Like "The Wit of Margaret Thatcher." 229 00:08:22,487 --> 00:08:23,887 Or "Great English Lovers." 230 00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:25,447 He's very funny, isn't he, Basil? 231 00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:27,039 Thank you. 232 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:32,007 - Are you taking dinner here tonight? - Sorry? 233 00:08:32,007 --> 00:08:34,447 Are you dining here tonight, here in this unfashionable dump? 234 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,447 I wasn't planning to. 235 00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:38,047 No, not really your scene, is it? 236 00:08:38,047 --> 00:08:40,247 Thought I'd try somewhere in town. Anywhere you'd recommend? 237 00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:43,087 What sort of food were you thinking of? Fruit, or... 238 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,887 Anywhere they do French food? 239 00:08:44,887 --> 00:08:46,047 Yes, France, I believe. 240 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,327 They seem to like it there, 241 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,687 and the swim would certainly sharpen your appetite. 242 00:08:49,687 --> 00:08:52,327 You'd better hurry. The tide leaves in six minutes. 243 00:08:52,327 --> 00:08:56,127 Excuse my husband's sledgehammer wit, Mr. Johnson. 244 00:08:56,127 --> 00:08:58,607 There is a very nice place, La pomme d'amour. 245 00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:00,447 La pomme d'amour. The apple of love. 246 00:09:00,447 --> 00:09:02,367 Yes, in Orchard Street. 247 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,127 Or that ancient Egyptian place, 248 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,446 the Golden Dog something... 249 00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:08,287 Do enjoy yourself. We'll see you later. 250 00:09:08,287 --> 00:09:09,687 Thank you. 251 00:09:09,687 --> 00:09:12,447 I have had it up to here with you. 252 00:09:12,447 --> 00:09:13,447 What, dear? 253 00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,047 You never get it right, do you? 254 00:09:15,047 --> 00:09:16,847 You're either crawling all over them, 255 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,127 licking their boots, 256 00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:19,447 or spitting poison at them 257 00:09:19,447 --> 00:09:21,278 like some Benzedrine puff adder. 258 00:09:23,807 --> 00:09:25,320 Just trying to enjoy myself. 259 00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:29,927 Did you enjoy your beef? 260 00:09:29,927 --> 00:09:31,167 Oh, yes, thank you. 261 00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:32,927 Good. Would you care for dessert? 262 00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:34,407 No, just coffee, thank you. 263 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,447 Just coffee for me. 264 00:09:35,447 --> 00:09:36,447 Two coffees, Sybil. 265 00:09:36,447 --> 00:09:37,767 Two coffees. Here. Please. Dear. 266 00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,087 Would you care for a little something with us? 267 00:09:40,087 --> 00:09:41,727 A little aperitif, cognac, brandy? 268 00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:43,447 On us... with us... which we'll pay for, 269 00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:45,007 on the house, as it were? 270 00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:46,367 Well, thank you. 271 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:47,686 I'd like a cognac, if I may? 272 00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:50,327 - Dr. Abbott? - A port, thank you. 273 00:09:50,327 --> 00:09:51,442 Mon plaisir. 274 00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:54,567 - Coffee for you, doctor. - Thank you. 275 00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:56,247 - And for you, doctor. - Thank you. 276 00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,687 Have you been to Torquay before? 277 00:09:57,687 --> 00:09:58,967 Not for a few years, no. 278 00:09:58,967 --> 00:10:01,447 We had a free weekend, and we suddenly thought 279 00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:02,887 we'd like to get out of London. 280 00:10:02,887 --> 00:10:05,162 - Lovely. White or black? - Black, thank you. 281 00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:08,447 - And black for you, doctor? - Thank you. 282 00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:09,567 Cognac for you, doctor. 283 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,487 It's rather fascinating, your both being doctors. 284 00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:13,087 Port for you, doctor. 285 00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:15,207 At one stage, I was contemplating becoming a surgeon. 286 00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:17,243 A tree surgeon! 287 00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:19,487 Thank you, Sybil. 288 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:20,927 Had to give it up. 289 00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:22,883 Couldn't stand the sight of sap. Ha! 290 00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:25,927 It's a bit old, isn't it, dear? 291 00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:28,407 My great-grandfather on my mother's side 292 00:10:28,407 --> 00:10:30,287 was a doctor, so it was always felt I might... 293 00:10:30,287 --> 00:10:32,437 Run a hotel. 294 00:10:33,687 --> 00:10:35,727 Are you both in general practice? 295 00:10:35,727 --> 00:10:37,567 No, I'm a pediatrician. 296 00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:39,207 - Feet! - Children. 297 00:10:39,207 --> 00:10:41,447 Oh, Basil! 298 00:10:41,447 --> 00:10:43,127 Children have feet, don't they? That's how they move around. 299 00:10:43,127 --> 00:10:45,087 You must take a look next time. It's most interesting. 300 00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:47,127 And you, doctor, are you a... 301 00:10:47,127 --> 00:10:48,247 I'm a psychiatrist. 302 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,760 Very nice too, cheers. 303 00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:54,367 I'll get you another one. Sorry. 304 00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:57,447 A psychiatrist. How fascinating. 305 00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:59,847 We never had a psychiatrist staying here before. 306 00:10:59,847 --> 00:11:01,127 We had a faith healer 307 00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:03,047 the first month we were open. 308 00:11:03,047 --> 00:11:04,127 Really? 309 00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:05,807 It's a relatively new profession, 310 00:11:05,807 --> 00:11:07,167 psychiatry, isn't it? 311 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,647 Well, Freud started about 1880. 312 00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:11,007 Yes, but it's only now 313 00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:12,645 we're seeing them on the television. 314 00:11:13,927 --> 00:11:16,447 Here we are. I must... excuse me. 315 00:11:16,447 --> 00:11:18,727 How long have you had this hotel? 316 00:11:18,727 --> 00:11:19,727 My husband and I... 317 00:11:19,727 --> 00:11:21,247 Keep back, keep back. 318 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,287 What is it? 319 00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,447 - Abbott. - What the matter with him? 320 00:11:23,447 --> 00:11:24,647 Psychiatrist. 321 00:11:24,647 --> 00:11:25,807 Look at him. Look. 322 00:11:25,807 --> 00:11:27,287 Look at the way he's listening, see? 323 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,727 He's taking it all in. She doesn't realize. 324 00:11:28,727 --> 00:11:29,927 Look at the way she's talking. 325 00:11:29,927 --> 00:11:31,447 They've got photographic memories. 326 00:11:31,447 --> 00:11:32,447 Uh, Sybil! 327 00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:34,487 - Sybil? - Yes, Basil? 328 00:11:34,487 --> 00:11:35,767 Could I just bother you, dear? 329 00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,087 - What is it? - Just a little problem. 330 00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:39,247 Nothing personal, nothing of a private nature. 331 00:11:39,247 --> 00:11:40,447 Just in here... 332 00:11:40,447 --> 00:11:42,278 Excuse me, would you? 333 00:11:44,087 --> 00:11:45,247 What is it, Basil? 334 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:48,607 Just take it easy, okay? Just keep your distance. 335 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:49,727 Remember who you are, all right? 336 00:11:49,727 --> 00:11:50,727 Remember what? 337 00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:52,687 Just don't tell him too much about yourself, all right? 338 00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:54,287 Basil, I'm perfectly capa... 339 00:11:54,287 --> 00:11:55,327 All right. All right. What have you told him? 340 00:11:55,327 --> 00:11:57,487 Nothing, we were talking about Scotland. 341 00:11:57,487 --> 00:11:59,447 Scotland? What's he want to know about Scotland? 342 00:11:59,447 --> 00:12:00,487 Oh, Basil Fawl... 343 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,007 - Don't do that! - Why are you so nervous? 344 00:12:02,007 --> 00:12:04,127 I'm not nervous! I'm just saying take it easy, all right? 345 00:12:04,127 --> 00:12:05,247 All of us, just take it easy, all right? 346 00:12:05,247 --> 00:12:06,447 What's got into you? 347 00:12:06,447 --> 00:12:07,887 Nothing's got into... I'm just saying take... 348 00:12:07,887 --> 00:12:09,687 Can't I say "take it easy" without starting a panic? 349 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,367 I mean, what is going on here? 350 00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,487 Mr. Fawlty, take it easy. 351 00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:15,007 Now look... 352 00:12:15,007 --> 00:12:16,447 Get one thing clear, all right? 353 00:12:16,447 --> 00:12:18,207 You don't tell me to take it easy. 354 00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:19,687 I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy. 355 00:12:19,687 --> 00:12:20,727 I pay you to take it... 356 00:12:20,727 --> 00:12:22,447 No, I pay you to tell you to take it easy, 357 00:12:22,447 --> 00:12:23,447 so take it easy, all right? 358 00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:27,127 Listen, why are you getting so upset? 359 00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:28,967 - I'm not. - You liked him when he arrived. 360 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:30,207 Look, look... 361 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,767 And just because you find out he's a psychiatrist... 362 00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:33,727 I'm not bothered by that. 363 00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:35,767 If he wants to be a psychiatrist that's his own funeral. 364 00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:37,647 They're all as mad as bloody march hares anyway. 365 00:12:37,647 --> 00:12:39,847 That's not the point. How does he earn his money? 366 00:12:39,847 --> 00:12:42,447 He gets... he get paid for sticking his nose... 367 00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:44,367 - Oh, Basil. - No, I'm going to have my say. 368 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,487 Into people's private, um... details. 369 00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:47,527 Just speaking for myself, 370 00:12:47,527 --> 00:12:48,807 I don't want some total stranger 371 00:12:48,807 --> 00:12:50,407 nosing around in my private parts... 372 00:12:50,407 --> 00:12:51,687 details! That's all I'm saying. 373 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,887 They're here on holiday. 374 00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:55,447 They're just here to enjoy themselves. 375 00:12:55,447 --> 00:12:56,847 - He can't! - Can't what? 376 00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:58,007 He can't tell me anything 377 00:12:58,007 --> 00:12:59,447 about myself that I don't know already. 378 00:12:59,447 --> 00:13:01,247 All this psychiatry, it's a load of tommyrot. 379 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,647 Here. 380 00:13:02,647 --> 00:13:04,447 You know what they're all obsessed with, don't you? 381 00:13:04,447 --> 00:13:06,767 You know what they say it's all about, don't you? 382 00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:07,767 Hmm? 383 00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:08,967 Sex. 384 00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:10,407 Everything's connected with sex. 385 00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:11,965 Huh! What a load of cobblers. 386 00:13:13,487 --> 00:13:15,607 Yes, you see, if they wanted to do that, 387 00:13:15,607 --> 00:13:17,887 well, they'd have to close the hotel, wouldn't they? 388 00:13:17,887 --> 00:13:19,487 Yes, if you would, just sign that. 389 00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:20,647 Thank you so much. 390 00:13:20,647 --> 00:13:22,807 Yes. We were just speculating 391 00:13:22,807 --> 00:13:24,207 how people in your profession 392 00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:25,567 arrange their holidays. 393 00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:27,364 How often you can get away. 394 00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:31,362 How often do you manage it? 395 00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,167 Pardon? 396 00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,442 How often can you and your wife manage it? 397 00:13:41,727 --> 00:13:43,367 You don't mind my asking? 398 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,847 Not at all. Not at all. 399 00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:47,567 About average, since you asked. 400 00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:50,047 - Average? - Mm-hmm. 401 00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:52,447 What would be average? 402 00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:54,687 Well, you tell me. 403 00:13:54,687 --> 00:13:56,287 Well, uh... 404 00:13:56,287 --> 00:13:57,606 Couple of times a year? 405 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,447 What? 406 00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:01,675 Once a year? 407 00:14:03,087 --> 00:14:04,647 Well, we knew it must be difficult. 408 00:14:04,647 --> 00:14:06,487 My wife didn't see 409 00:14:06,487 --> 00:14:08,921 how you could manage it at all. 410 00:14:12,007 --> 00:14:13,447 Well, as you've asked, 411 00:14:13,447 --> 00:14:15,087 two or three times a week, actually. 412 00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:16,487 A week? 413 00:14:16,487 --> 00:14:18,087 Yes. Pretty normal, isn't it? 414 00:14:18,087 --> 00:14:20,282 We're quite normal down here in Torquay, you know? 415 00:14:21,287 --> 00:14:22,847 And he says, 416 00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:25,122 "Pretentious? Moi?" 417 00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:30,275 I always like a man who can make me laugh. 418 00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:33,487 Are you all right, Mr. Fawlty? 419 00:14:33,487 --> 00:14:34,807 Mm-hmm, yes, yes. Fine. 420 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,127 What's the matter, Basil? 421 00:14:36,127 --> 00:14:37,847 Nothing, dear. Just talking to Dr. Abbott. 422 00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:40,447 If I had the money to go to a psychiatrist, 423 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,047 he's just the sort I'd choose. 424 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,447 I can't think of anything nicer 425 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,447 than having a good old heart-to-heart. 426 00:14:45,447 --> 00:14:47,647 I'm sure they understand women. 427 00:14:47,647 --> 00:14:49,447 - Sybil? - What, darling? 428 00:14:49,447 --> 00:14:50,647 Do you kn... 429 00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:52,847 Do you know what he asked me, just now, out there? 430 00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:53,887 What? What? 431 00:14:53,887 --> 00:14:55,240 He asked me... 432 00:14:57,447 --> 00:14:58,767 Oh, don't be ridiculous, Basil. 433 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,887 I'm telling you the truth. Honest as God's witness! 434 00:15:00,887 --> 00:15:02,687 What's got into you today? 435 00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:04,247 He turned round and asked me, just like that. 436 00:15:04,247 --> 00:15:05,247 What did he say? 437 00:15:05,247 --> 00:15:06,316 He said... 438 00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:09,447 His wife said... 439 00:15:09,447 --> 00:15:11,687 They're talking about holidays, Basil. 440 00:15:11,687 --> 00:15:13,127 I was just saying to them 441 00:15:13,127 --> 00:15:14,446 about how difficult it is to get any. 442 00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:18,447 Twice a year! Oh, my... What did I say? 443 00:15:18,447 --> 00:15:20,802 - It doesn't matter. - How was I to know? 444 00:15:24,247 --> 00:15:25,767 Hello! 445 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:27,687 We were at cross purposes just now. 446 00:15:27,687 --> 00:15:29,407 There you were talking about sex, 447 00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:31,527 I thought you were talking about walks. 448 00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:33,127 Not sex! Holidays, holidays! 449 00:15:33,127 --> 00:15:34,927 Ha, sex. Ha, ha, ha. 450 00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:37,207 No, my wife and I have one about twice a year. 451 00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:38,487 I mean a holiday, a holiday. 452 00:15:38,487 --> 00:15:40,287 Whereas so far as a good walk goes, 453 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,647 we have a jolly good walk 454 00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:42,887 about two or three times a week, average. 455 00:15:42,887 --> 00:15:45,167 Well, we're just taking ours now. 456 00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:47,767 Thank you. Well, enjoy it. 457 00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,127 Uh, the walk! 458 00:15:49,127 --> 00:15:50,447 I'm so sorry. 459 00:15:50,447 --> 00:15:52,447 My name is Raylene Miles. 460 00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:53,967 I have a reservation. 461 00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:55,447 Ahh, yes. That's right. 462 00:15:55,447 --> 00:15:57,207 Would you be so kind as to fill this in? 463 00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,207 Mm-hmm. 464 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,196 Thank you. 465 00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:08,687 Very nice. 466 00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:11,007 Oh, ah... Thank you. 467 00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:13,007 Your thing. 468 00:16:13,007 --> 00:16:14,447 I mean your charms! Your charm, in the middle. 469 00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:16,483 Yes, I know. 470 00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:19,247 May I ask what it is? 471 00:16:19,247 --> 00:16:20,647 It's a Saint Christopher's medal. 472 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,807 - Saint...? - Saint Christopher. 473 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,727 Patron saint of travelers. 474 00:16:24,727 --> 00:16:27,007 Hello, dear. 475 00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:29,127 Saint Christopher's medal, protects travelers. 476 00:16:29,127 --> 00:16:30,327 Very pretty. 477 00:16:30,327 --> 00:16:31,327 Yes, isn't she? 478 00:16:31,327 --> 00:16:32,527 Where did you put the order forms? 479 00:16:32,527 --> 00:16:34,727 - Down there, dear. - Where? 480 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,319 Down here, dear. Um... 481 00:16:43,327 --> 00:16:45,487 Hello! Can I have the key for number six, please? 482 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,847 You're back early this evening, Mr. Johnson. 483 00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:49,727 Yes, well, got to be up early for mother. 484 00:16:49,727 --> 00:16:52,647 Thank you. We put you in number seven. 485 00:16:52,647 --> 00:16:54,127 (ringing) Manuel! 486 00:16:54,127 --> 00:16:55,447 It's all right, dear. I'll take them up. 487 00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:58,287 We have a Spanish porter we're training at the moment. 488 00:16:58,287 --> 00:16:59,481 It'd be quicker to train an ape! 489 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,287 Never mind, Manuel. 490 00:17:04,287 --> 00:17:05,436 Oh! 491 00:17:16,447 --> 00:17:17,447 I was just wondering, 492 00:17:17,447 --> 00:17:19,407 are you in fact Australian at all, 493 00:17:19,407 --> 00:17:20,847 by any chance, may I ask? 494 00:17:20,847 --> 00:17:23,127 Oh, dear. Is my accent that strong? 495 00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:24,567 Oh no, no. It's just that you're quite tall, 496 00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,087 so I thought, perhaps, you know. 497 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,567 Here we are, this is your room. 498 00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,167 I hope it's to your liking. 499 00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:30,527 A view of the English Riviera, 500 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,127 down there, behind the trees. 501 00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:33,879 This is your bathroom, here we are... 502 00:17:35,607 --> 00:17:36,967 Oh, light's not working. 503 00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:38,447 I'll just fix it. 504 00:17:38,447 --> 00:17:40,647 Basil: Have you had a tiring journey? 505 00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:43,447 Seven hours in the coach, is the... 506 00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:45,367 is the dining room still open? 507 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,967 The chef leaves at 9:00, I'm afraid. 508 00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:48,127 We could always do you sandwiches. 509 00:17:48,127 --> 00:17:50,327 I'd like a hot meal, really. 510 00:17:50,327 --> 00:17:52,647 Is there a restaurant near here? 511 00:17:52,647 --> 00:17:54,407 Basil: There's an awfully good little Welsh place, 512 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,047 Leek house, about five minutes walk. 513 00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:57,407 You'd have to go straight away. 514 00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,087 That'll do fine. 515 00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:00,567 Just turn left out at the gate and straight on 516 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:02,046 and it's on your right. 517 00:18:11,247 --> 00:18:14,167 You left this downstairs. 518 00:18:14,167 --> 00:18:15,687 Sorry! I was trying the switch! 519 00:18:15,687 --> 00:18:17,007 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 520 00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:18,247 I'm sorry. I didn't know she was there! 521 00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:20,447 - I was trying the switch. - It's pathetic, Basil. 522 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,447 No, look, Sybil, I was reaching round for the switch. 523 00:18:22,447 --> 00:18:23,647 Don't bother. 524 00:18:23,647 --> 00:18:25,087 The lights weren't working in the bathroom, right? 525 00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:26,407 Okay? So I went in, checked the fitting, 526 00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:27,407 which was loose... 527 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:30,327 I've read about it, Basil. The male menopause it's called. 528 00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:33,087 Oh, and one word of advice: 529 00:18:33,087 --> 00:18:34,607 If you're going to grope a girl 530 00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:36,887 have the gallantry to stay in the room with her 531 00:18:36,887 --> 00:18:38,605 while you're doing it, hmm? 532 00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,847 I'm sorry. I do apologize for just now. 533 00:18:45,847 --> 00:18:47,167 I was sort of feeling for the switch... 534 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,887 Oh, I realize. That's perfectly all right. 535 00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:50,447 I hope your wife didn't... 536 00:18:50,447 --> 00:18:52,167 Oh no, no. 537 00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:53,887 My wife, she's been on about that. 538 00:18:53,887 --> 00:18:55,567 Uh, where was that restaurant again? 539 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,327 Out of the gate, turn left, 540 00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:58,927 five minutes on your right. Leek house. 541 00:18:58,927 --> 00:19:00,406 - Thank you. - Not at all. 542 00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,438 Johnson: "Pretentious, moi?" 543 00:19:18,447 --> 00:19:20,087 Yes? Can I help you? 544 00:19:20,087 --> 00:19:21,447 Um... 545 00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:23,447 I was just wondering if I could get, um... 546 00:19:23,447 --> 00:19:24,727 A drink now? 547 00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:26,407 A drink? 548 00:19:26,407 --> 00:19:28,527 Well, a bottle of champagne. 549 00:19:28,527 --> 00:19:30,527 - Champagne? - Yes. 550 00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:32,447 I see. You are aware of our rule 551 00:19:32,447 --> 00:19:33,887 about visitors, are you? 552 00:19:33,887 --> 00:19:35,047 Hmm? 553 00:19:35,047 --> 00:19:37,402 No visitors in guests' rooms after 10:00. 554 00:19:38,407 --> 00:19:40,167 Of the opposite... sex. 555 00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:41,395 No, I wasn't. 556 00:19:42,407 --> 00:19:43,807 But I am now. 557 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,447 So you'll send up the champagne, will you? 558 00:19:45,447 --> 00:19:46,807 What? 559 00:19:46,807 --> 00:19:48,687 The champagne. 560 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,007 You're drinking it on your own, are you? 561 00:19:50,007 --> 00:19:51,007 Guess I'll have to. 562 00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:52,847 Very well. 563 00:19:52,847 --> 00:19:54,767 One bottle of champagne, for one. 564 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:56,927 - Thank you. - And one glass. 565 00:19:56,927 --> 00:19:59,127 That's all I'll need, unless you'd care to join me? 566 00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:00,647 No, thank you. Not while I'm on the job. 567 00:20:00,647 --> 00:20:02,205 That's when I enjoy it the most. 568 00:20:07,847 --> 00:20:09,447 Manuel, Manuel, Manuel. 569 00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,438 Bottle of champagne, one glass, quick! 570 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,087 Mr. Fawlty? 571 00:20:20,087 --> 00:20:22,447 Did you know there's a psychiatrist staying? 572 00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,887 Yes, yes I did. 573 00:20:23,887 --> 00:20:25,487 Has he come for the Major? 574 00:20:25,487 --> 00:20:27,887 - What? - Has he come for the Major? 575 00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:28,887 No. 576 00:20:28,887 --> 00:20:29,887 Oh, good. 577 00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:31,447 We were rather worried. 578 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,403 I'm sure they have them in Birmingham too. 579 00:20:35,207 --> 00:20:36,527 Good night, ladies! 580 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,801 Just coming. 581 00:20:40,007 --> 00:20:41,235 Won't be a moment. 582 00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,156 (door slam) 583 00:21:04,887 --> 00:21:06,087 This wall... 584 00:21:06,087 --> 00:21:07,447 we had some complaints from downstairs 585 00:21:07,447 --> 00:21:08,647 so I'm just giving it a check. 586 00:21:08,647 --> 00:21:11,320 Yes, I think that's fine. 587 00:21:11,407 --> 00:21:12,447 No, hang on. 588 00:21:12,447 --> 00:21:14,967 Nope, we're all right. 589 00:21:14,967 --> 00:21:16,487 Fine. Well, sorry to disturb you. 590 00:21:16,487 --> 00:21:18,443 - Good night. - Good night. 591 00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:29,087 Can I help you? 592 00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:30,167 The bathroom? 593 00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:31,367 Yes, second on the left. 594 00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:32,447 Thank you. 595 00:21:32,447 --> 00:21:34,358 - Yes? - It's just coming. 596 00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:55,316 (clang) 597 00:21:57,087 --> 00:21:58,527 (clatter) 598 00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:00,007 Stupidissimo! 599 00:22:00,007 --> 00:22:01,607 You continental cretin! 600 00:22:01,607 --> 00:22:02,967 I'm sorry, I'll get you another one. 601 00:22:02,967 --> 00:22:05,447 Un otro. Pronto! Pronto! Pronto! 602 00:22:05,447 --> 00:22:07,167 Yes, fine, thank you. 603 00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:08,527 I'm afraid that Spanish ape... 604 00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:10,527 Sorry, person... bungled it again. 605 00:22:10,527 --> 00:22:12,447 Dago birdbrain. 606 00:22:12,447 --> 00:22:14,687 God knows how they ever got an Armada together. 607 00:22:14,687 --> 00:22:16,447 Still, I'll clear all this up. 608 00:22:16,447 --> 00:22:18,447 If you... if you'd like to, uh... 609 00:22:18,447 --> 00:22:20,567 Go back to your rooms... 610 00:22:20,567 --> 00:22:22,046 Thank you. 611 00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:26,887 Fawlty. 612 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,607 - Yes? - Here, here. 613 00:22:28,607 --> 00:22:30,807 L... I thought you ought to know. 614 00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:32,167 - What? - There's... 615 00:22:32,167 --> 00:22:34,767 There's a psychiatrist in the hotel. 616 00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:35,967 Yes, I know. 617 00:22:35,967 --> 00:22:37,447 - Oh, you know. - Yes. 618 00:22:37,447 --> 00:22:40,847 Oh. Well, apparently, he's dressed up as a guest. 619 00:22:40,847 --> 00:22:42,367 He is a guest, Major. 620 00:22:42,367 --> 00:22:45,165 Oh, well, your guess is as good as mine. 621 00:22:48,447 --> 00:22:50,244 Perhaps he has come to get you. 622 00:23:00,887 --> 00:23:02,366 - (knocking) - Come. 623 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,963 Oh, thank you. On the table, please. 624 00:23:16,447 --> 00:23:17,800 Thank you. 625 00:23:27,367 --> 00:23:28,925 Yes? 626 00:23:41,127 --> 00:23:42,287 Whew! Filthy habit. 627 00:23:42,287 --> 00:23:43,447 The bathroom? 628 00:23:43,447 --> 00:23:44,436 Second on the left. 629 00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:59,607 Aaah! Who is it? 630 00:23:59,607 --> 00:24:01,167 - It's all right! - Who is it? 631 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:02,327 - It's only me! Please! - What do you want? 632 00:24:02,327 --> 00:24:03,367 What's going on? 633 00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:05,287 Nothing! I didn't know she was in here. 634 00:24:05,287 --> 00:24:06,447 I just came in to check the walls. 635 00:24:06,447 --> 00:24:07,487 Do you mind? Sorry. 636 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,767 I thought you'd gone to the restaurant. 637 00:24:08,767 --> 00:24:09,927 I was just so tired. 638 00:24:09,927 --> 00:24:11,927 That's fine. Sorry to disturb you. 639 00:24:11,927 --> 00:24:13,007 Bloody walls. 640 00:24:13,007 --> 00:24:14,207 You all right now? 641 00:24:14,207 --> 00:24:16,087 - What was that? - Hmm? Nothing, dear. 642 00:24:16,087 --> 00:24:17,607 Why was she screaming? What were you doing? 643 00:24:17,607 --> 00:24:18,807 What's going on? 644 00:24:18,807 --> 00:24:20,687 Nothing. She thought there was someone in her room. 645 00:24:20,687 --> 00:24:22,447 - Someone in her room? - Yes. 646 00:24:22,447 --> 00:24:25,407 Have to charge her double then. 647 00:24:25,407 --> 00:24:27,287 What were you doing in there? 648 00:24:27,287 --> 00:24:29,327 Is she all right? 649 00:24:29,327 --> 00:24:31,007 She is all right. 650 00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:32,847 What were you doing in there? 651 00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:34,927 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Fawlty. 652 00:24:34,927 --> 00:24:36,007 I didn't realize it was you. 653 00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:37,927 That's all right. I'll tell you in a moment. 654 00:24:37,927 --> 00:24:39,287 Silly of me. 655 00:24:39,287 --> 00:24:40,327 I didn't know it was him. 656 00:24:40,327 --> 00:24:41,727 He came in to check the walls. 657 00:24:41,727 --> 00:24:43,447 To check the walls? 658 00:24:43,447 --> 00:24:46,007 Manuel. Manuel, quick. 659 00:24:46,007 --> 00:24:47,967 Come on! 660 00:24:47,967 --> 00:24:49,161 Quick! 661 00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:39,198 (clatter) 662 00:25:43,727 --> 00:25:46,207 Oh... 'elp... 663 00:25:46,207 --> 00:25:47,647 Socorro! Socorro! 664 00:25:47,647 --> 00:25:49,478 'Elp! 'elp! 665 00:25:51,847 --> 00:25:53,280 Basil. 666 00:25:55,007 --> 00:25:56,287 Basil? 667 00:25:56,287 --> 00:25:58,407 Mrs. Fawlty, Mrs. Fawlty! 668 00:25:58,407 --> 00:25:59,847 Mrs. Fawlty, Mr. Fawlty... 669 00:25:59,847 --> 00:26:00,967 - What? - He hurt. 670 00:26:00,967 --> 00:26:03,127 - He fall off ladder! - Off a ladder? 671 00:26:03,127 --> 00:26:04,447 Si, si. Come, come come. 672 00:26:04,447 --> 00:26:06,207 What was he doing up a ladder? 673 00:26:06,207 --> 00:26:07,447 He try to see girl. 674 00:26:07,447 --> 00:26:08,447 What? 675 00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:09,927 He try to see in room to see girl. 676 00:26:09,927 --> 00:26:11,447 She make him crazy. Come, come, come. 677 00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:12,447 I see. 678 00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:14,847 I tell him careful, but he go to see girl. 679 00:26:14,847 --> 00:26:16,075 Right. 680 00:26:22,167 --> 00:26:23,327 Hello, dear. 681 00:26:23,327 --> 00:26:24,999 I was just going to, uh... 682 00:26:31,127 --> 00:26:32,958 What the... 683 00:26:48,447 --> 00:26:50,487 What in God's name do you think you're doing? 684 00:26:50,487 --> 00:26:51,527 What did you hit me for? 685 00:26:51,527 --> 00:26:52,642 How dare you! 686 00:26:53,887 --> 00:26:55,447 How dare you! 687 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:56,927 Have you gone mad? What's got into you? 688 00:26:56,927 --> 00:26:58,447 - You really don't know? - No, I don't. 689 00:26:58,447 --> 00:27:00,327 What were you doing up that ladder? Come on! 690 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:01,567 I was trying to see the girl. 691 00:27:01,567 --> 00:27:03,447 Is that so strange? 692 00:27:03,447 --> 00:27:04,927 Stop hitting me! 693 00:27:04,927 --> 00:27:06,287 Get away from this door 694 00:27:06,287 --> 00:27:08,687 and don't you dare try and come in here tonight. 695 00:27:08,687 --> 00:27:09,881 (door slam) 696 00:27:12,767 --> 00:27:14,086 Mad. 697 00:27:15,447 --> 00:27:16,847 She's gone completely mad. 698 00:27:16,847 --> 00:27:19,447 Crazy, she go crazy. 699 00:27:19,447 --> 00:27:21,287 - I mean what... - Crazy. 700 00:27:21,287 --> 00:27:22,567 I say to her 701 00:27:22,567 --> 00:27:24,247 you try and see in girl's room 702 00:27:24,247 --> 00:27:25,919 and she go crazy. 703 00:27:27,527 --> 00:27:28,767 What? 704 00:27:28,767 --> 00:27:31,447 I tell her you go to see girl in room. 705 00:27:31,447 --> 00:27:32,567 You crazy about this girl, okay? 706 00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:34,047 Manuel: Okay, so... 707 00:27:34,047 --> 00:27:35,887 You go up to try to look at her 708 00:27:35,887 --> 00:27:38,447 and Mrs. Fawlty, she go crazy. 709 00:27:44,327 --> 00:27:45,885 You crazy little dago! 710 00:27:50,207 --> 00:27:52,527 Now, that's how an Englishman would do it, you see? 711 00:27:52,527 --> 00:27:55,247 Now, a German, a German would go... 712 00:27:55,247 --> 00:27:56,967 No, that's enough for tonight. 713 00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,447 All right, we'll go on with your training in the morning. 714 00:27:58,447 --> 00:28:01,727 We're just training him in the art of hotel management. 715 00:28:01,727 --> 00:28:03,327 It's rather interesting actually. 716 00:28:03,327 --> 00:28:05,158 He's from Barcelona, and one of the more... 717 00:28:07,487 --> 00:28:09,207 Sorry, I missed the door. 718 00:28:09,207 --> 00:28:10,447 - Oh. - Everything all right? 719 00:28:10,447 --> 00:28:12,167 Everything, uh, normal? 720 00:28:12,167 --> 00:28:13,727 - Yes, thank you. - Fine, well... 721 00:28:13,727 --> 00:28:15,007 I'll leave you to it, then. 722 00:28:15,007 --> 00:28:16,447 I mean to go to bed. 723 00:28:16,447 --> 00:28:17,967 To sleep! To sleep, that is. 724 00:28:17,967 --> 00:28:19,167 Perchance to dream, ha, ha. 725 00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:21,447 Have a good night... good night's sleep. 726 00:28:21,447 --> 00:28:23,607 - Sleep well. - Good night. And you. 727 00:28:23,607 --> 00:28:24,887 Thank you, yes, I will. 728 00:28:24,887 --> 00:28:27,401 God knows where. 729 00:28:33,687 --> 00:28:36,918 I'll get you, you pilked-down ponce. 730 00:28:46,447 --> 00:28:47,447 Are you all right? 731 00:28:47,447 --> 00:28:48,887 - Hmm? - Are you all right? 732 00:28:48,887 --> 00:28:50,767 Yes, fine. Give me one of those. 733 00:28:50,767 --> 00:28:52,439 Right, go on. Go on. 734 00:28:58,447 --> 00:28:59,447 Sybil, dear? 735 00:28:59,447 --> 00:29:01,007 Sybil: What do you want? 736 00:29:01,007 --> 00:29:02,207 Got your tea for you, dear. 737 00:29:02,207 --> 00:29:04,807 Sybil: Just leave it outside the room. 738 00:29:04,807 --> 00:29:06,447 Yes, all right, dear. 739 00:29:06,447 --> 00:29:07,647 Um... 740 00:29:07,647 --> 00:29:09,367 Sybil? 741 00:29:09,367 --> 00:29:11,447 Sybil: I'm not speaking to you, Basil. 742 00:29:11,447 --> 00:29:12,927 Could I just have my electric razor, dear? 743 00:29:12,927 --> 00:29:14,280 Just for the guests? 744 00:29:15,927 --> 00:29:17,247 Thank you, dear. Look, look... 745 00:29:17,247 --> 00:29:18,447 - Basil, will you... - Just let me explain. 746 00:29:18,447 --> 00:29:20,007 Get your foot out of the door. 747 00:29:20,007 --> 00:29:22,087 - Let me explain. - I'm not interested. 748 00:29:22,087 --> 00:29:23,287 When I said "That girl," 749 00:29:23,287 --> 00:29:25,487 I wasn't talking about that ray... something, the Australian girl. 750 00:29:25,487 --> 00:29:27,527 I was talking about the girl in the room next to hers... 751 00:29:27,527 --> 00:29:28,727 in Johnson's room! 752 00:29:28,727 --> 00:29:30,927 Johnson smuggled a girl into his room last night. 753 00:29:30,927 --> 00:29:32,447 That is the one I was trying to get a look at, 754 00:29:32,447 --> 00:29:33,887 not that Australian hayseed. 755 00:29:33,887 --> 00:29:36,367 Basil, you've had eight hours to think of something. 756 00:29:36,367 --> 00:29:38,447 Is that really the best you can come up with? 757 00:29:38,447 --> 00:29:40,207 You don't believe it. 758 00:29:40,207 --> 00:29:42,407 - Oh, go away. - Right, I'll get her. 759 00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:43,447 I'll get her and show her to you. 760 00:29:43,447 --> 00:29:45,447 - Yes, you do that. - I will. 761 00:29:45,447 --> 00:29:47,438 Right. All right. 762 00:29:48,647 --> 00:29:49,687 (knocking) 763 00:29:49,687 --> 00:29:50,881 Go. 764 00:29:53,087 --> 00:29:54,847 Come. 765 00:29:54,847 --> 00:29:57,247 Mr. Johnson, did you want your guide back? 766 00:29:57,247 --> 00:29:58,965 Oh, thank you, yes. 767 00:30:01,207 --> 00:30:02,356 (laughs) 768 00:30:06,887 --> 00:30:08,487 Johnson: See you later. Thank you. 769 00:30:08,487 --> 00:30:10,637 Okay, darling. 770 00:30:11,647 --> 00:30:13,285 Right, the game's up. 771 00:30:16,087 --> 00:30:17,447 Up there. 772 00:30:17,447 --> 00:30:19,487 Bit of game pie, got stuck up there. 773 00:30:19,487 --> 00:30:22,727 Right, everything back to normal. 774 00:30:22,727 --> 00:30:24,558 Enjoy your walk. 775 00:30:33,447 --> 00:30:37,076 There's enough material there for an entire conference. 776 00:30:41,967 --> 00:30:44,087 (clatter) 777 00:30:44,087 --> 00:30:46,317 (slosh) 778 00:30:50,487 --> 00:30:52,045 Okay, all clear. 779 00:30:54,527 --> 00:30:55,642 (door closing) 780 00:30:58,767 --> 00:30:59,767 Right, that's it. 781 00:30:59,767 --> 00:31:01,447 Aah! What are you doing? 782 00:31:01,447 --> 00:31:03,367 Oh, jeez, what going on? 783 00:31:03,367 --> 00:31:05,207 I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else. 784 00:31:05,207 --> 00:31:06,447 You scared the hell out of me! 785 00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:08,247 I'm awfully sorry. There's a girl in there. 786 00:31:08,247 --> 00:31:09,567 The bloke smuggled her in... 787 00:31:09,567 --> 00:31:11,167 Oh, hello, dear. 788 00:31:11,167 --> 00:31:13,567 Just explaining to Miss Miles about our little problem, 789 00:31:13,567 --> 00:31:14,767 with the extra guest, 790 00:31:14,767 --> 00:31:15,967 Mr. Johnson's friend, 791 00:31:15,967 --> 00:31:17,446 in six, last night. 792 00:31:18,647 --> 00:31:20,927 What's that on your hand, Basil? 793 00:31:20,927 --> 00:31:24,087 What... oh, that's some stuff in the cupboard, dear. 794 00:31:24,087 --> 00:31:25,440 Something I knocked over. 795 00:31:28,327 --> 00:31:30,557 Sorry! I got confused. 796 00:31:31,767 --> 00:31:32,847 Sorry, I got confused. 797 00:31:32,847 --> 00:31:34,927 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 798 00:31:34,927 --> 00:31:36,367 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 799 00:31:36,367 --> 00:31:37,727 Look, I'll tell her to go. 800 00:31:37,727 --> 00:31:39,207 I'm gonna get the other girl just to prove it to you, 801 00:31:39,207 --> 00:31:40,847 but I'll tell Miss Miles to... 802 00:31:40,847 --> 00:31:42,678 To leave. Out. Out! 803 00:31:49,047 --> 00:31:50,447 Excuse me. 804 00:31:50,447 --> 00:31:51,607 I do apologize, but I'm afraid 805 00:31:51,607 --> 00:31:52,960 I shall have to ask you to... 806 00:31:59,207 --> 00:32:00,487 (knocking) 807 00:32:00,487 --> 00:32:02,364 Come in. 808 00:32:03,367 --> 00:32:05,807 Sorry to bother you, I thought I'd better apologize 809 00:32:05,807 --> 00:32:07,087 for my husband's behavior. 810 00:32:07,087 --> 00:32:09,047 No, please, really, Mrs. Fawlty. 811 00:32:09,047 --> 00:32:10,647 He's going through rather a disturbed time 812 00:32:10,647 --> 00:32:11,807 at the moment. 813 00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,807 No, please look, I don't quite understand, 814 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:15,447 he does seem a bit worked up about something, 815 00:32:15,447 --> 00:32:18,086 but I'm sure there's some quite innocent explanation. 816 00:32:28,687 --> 00:32:30,200 Basil. 817 00:32:34,567 --> 00:32:36,444 Hi, dear. Just checking the doors. 818 00:32:39,727 --> 00:32:41,447 All right, what's going on? 819 00:32:41,447 --> 00:32:43,087 I was in the bathroom. 820 00:32:43,087 --> 00:32:44,447 Yes, she was, dear, so I just popped in 821 00:32:44,447 --> 00:32:46,847 to have a look at these hinges. You know, the ones we've... 822 00:32:46,847 --> 00:32:50,967 Do you really imagine, even in your wildest dreams, 823 00:32:50,967 --> 00:32:54,047 that a girl like this could possibly be interested 824 00:32:54,047 --> 00:32:57,437 in an aging, brilliantined stick insect like you? 825 00:32:59,287 --> 00:33:01,767 - A girl like who, dear? - This one, Basil. 826 00:33:01,767 --> 00:33:03,767 The one you've been chasing ever since she arrived. 827 00:33:03,767 --> 00:33:05,447 Dear woman, are you out of your mind? 828 00:33:05,447 --> 00:33:06,727 What are you doing in there? 829 00:33:06,727 --> 00:33:08,447 You know the trouble we've been having with these hinges. 830 00:33:08,447 --> 00:33:10,407 Why would l... all right, if you really want to know, 831 00:33:10,407 --> 00:33:12,167 I came to apologize for the incident just now, 832 00:33:12,167 --> 00:33:13,447 when I thought she was that girl in Johnson's room, 833 00:33:13,447 --> 00:33:14,880 you know, when I put my hand on the... 834 00:33:17,847 --> 00:33:19,327 Sybil, Sybil. Look... 835 00:33:19,327 --> 00:33:21,447 If you think I've got time to listen to any more 836 00:33:21,447 --> 00:33:24,607 of your hopeless lily-livered jellyfish lies... 837 00:33:24,607 --> 00:33:26,447 They are not lies. I am trying to... 838 00:33:26,447 --> 00:33:27,767 Why can't you be a man? 839 00:33:27,767 --> 00:33:29,447 If you want to grope the guests, 840 00:33:29,447 --> 00:33:31,287 why can't you at least be honest about it 841 00:33:31,287 --> 00:33:33,287 without making up some pathetic song and dance... 842 00:33:33,287 --> 00:33:34,327 Shut up! 843 00:33:34,327 --> 00:33:36,207 Oh, you've done it now. 844 00:33:36,207 --> 00:33:37,607 No, I haven't. I'm just going to. 845 00:33:37,607 --> 00:33:41,447 I'm fed up with you, you rancorous, coiffeured old sow! 846 00:33:41,447 --> 00:33:43,887 Why don't you syringe the donuts out of your ear 847 00:33:43,887 --> 00:33:46,087 and get some sense into the dormant organ 848 00:33:46,087 --> 00:33:48,047 you keep hidden in that rat's maze of yours? 849 00:33:48,047 --> 00:33:51,007 - Basil, Bas... - There is a woman in that room, 850 00:33:51,007 --> 00:33:52,407 that Johnson smuggled in last night. 851 00:33:52,407 --> 00:33:54,447 That's the woman I've been trying to get hold of. 852 00:33:54,447 --> 00:33:56,607 Right, right! Stand there. 853 00:33:56,607 --> 00:33:58,518 Stand there and watch. 854 00:34:02,607 --> 00:34:03,607 Champagne? 855 00:34:03,607 --> 00:34:05,327 What? 856 00:34:05,327 --> 00:34:06,687 Another bottle of champagne, perhaps? 857 00:34:06,687 --> 00:34:08,447 I thought you said you rather enjoyed it 858 00:34:08,447 --> 00:34:09,447 when you were on the job? 859 00:34:09,447 --> 00:34:11,167 Have you got a screw loose? 860 00:34:11,167 --> 00:34:13,607 A screw? No, no. It's just that I thought 861 00:34:13,607 --> 00:34:15,247 that I'd rather formed the impression 862 00:34:15,247 --> 00:34:16,767 that there was someone in the room, there, with you. 863 00:34:16,767 --> 00:34:19,447 A female person. Perhaps a lady. 864 00:34:19,447 --> 00:34:21,607 An opposite person of the contradictory gender, 865 00:34:21,607 --> 00:34:22,607 that sort of thing. 866 00:34:22,607 --> 00:34:25,127 Mrs. Johnson is in here, yes. 867 00:34:25,127 --> 00:34:28,127 Oh, of course. 868 00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:31,247 I should have guessed. Oh, yes. Of course, 869 00:34:31,247 --> 00:34:33,447 the little woman, eh? The only thing is, 870 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,087 I thought you told my wife that you were single? 871 00:34:35,087 --> 00:34:36,487 I am. 872 00:34:36,487 --> 00:34:38,847 I see. So who's this Mrs. Johnson then? 873 00:34:38,847 --> 00:34:40,207 The late President's wife, or... 874 00:34:40,207 --> 00:34:41,879 She's my mother. 875 00:34:43,487 --> 00:34:45,007 Your mother? 876 00:34:45,007 --> 00:34:46,567 Oh, I see. 877 00:34:46,567 --> 00:34:51,047 This bit of crumpet's your old mummy, is she? 878 00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:52,247 Oh, this is rich. 879 00:34:52,247 --> 00:34:53,847 Old mother Johnson popped up 880 00:34:53,847 --> 00:34:55,967 for a quickie, did she? May I meet her? 881 00:34:55,967 --> 00:34:57,287 Certainly. 882 00:34:57,287 --> 00:34:59,247 Mother Johnson, mother Johnson? 883 00:34:59,247 --> 00:35:00,887 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 884 00:35:00,887 --> 00:35:04,127 How do you do? Are you enjoying your stay? 885 00:35:04,127 --> 00:35:05,607 Yes, thank you. 886 00:35:05,607 --> 00:35:06,967 Well, I'll get the champagne. 887 00:35:06,967 --> 00:35:08,685 This calls for a celebration. 888 00:35:26,447 --> 00:35:28,244 I'm on a holiday. 889 00:35:30,967 --> 00:35:33,720 (closing music them)