1 00:00:01,987 --> 00:00:03,978 (opening theme music) 2 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:28,827 Oh, it's a lovely part of the world, isn't it? 3 00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:32,107 All those beautiful trees and fields 4 00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:34,667 and variety of birds. 5 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,187 Yes, that's true. 6 00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:39,467 And you can just go there and get away from it all, 7 00:00:39,467 --> 00:00:41,947 away from the helter-skelter of modern life. 8 00:00:41,947 --> 00:00:44,107 Because we all do need 9 00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:46,347 our solitude, don't we? 10 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,147 Yes, we do. 11 00:00:48,147 --> 00:00:51,027 I mean, nowadays, it's not easy to find the time to... 12 00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:53,467 I don't know... enjoy life. 13 00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:56,307 Because there's always things to do. It's all so hectic, isn't it? 14 00:00:56,307 --> 00:01:00,267 All of us just rushing around, letting things get on top of us. 15 00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:03,147 And quite honestly, what's the point? 16 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,107 - Have you finished? - Um, yes. 17 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,667 Thank you. 18 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,987 I think those prawns might be a bit off. 19 00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:10,187 Oh, I don't think so. 20 00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:12,667 - They do taste rather funny. - No one else has complained. 21 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,667 Well, I really do think they're off. 22 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,467 But you've eaten half of them. 23 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:19,667 - Well, I didn't notice at the start. - You didn't notice at the start? 24 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,867 Well, it was the sauce. I wasn't sure. 25 00:01:21,867 --> 00:01:23,627 So you ate half to make sure? 26 00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:24,987 My wife thinks they're off. 27 00:01:24,987 --> 00:01:26,867 Did you want another first course? 28 00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:28,827 - No, thank you. - Are you sure? 29 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:31,427 - No, really. Just the main... - We'll just cancel it. 30 00:01:31,427 --> 00:01:33,587 Deduct it from the bill, is that what you mean? 31 00:01:33,587 --> 00:01:34,587 As it's inedible. 32 00:01:34,587 --> 00:01:37,027 Only half of it is inedible, apparently. 33 00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:39,347 Well, deduct half now, 34 00:01:39,347 --> 00:01:41,267 and if my wife brings the other half up during the night, 35 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,147 we'll claim the balance in the morning. 36 00:01:43,147 --> 00:01:45,467 Now, we'd like our lambs, please. 37 00:01:45,467 --> 00:01:48,187 Well, three we know have passed on this year, 38 00:01:48,187 --> 00:01:50,187 all in their early 60s, 39 00:01:50,187 --> 00:01:52,907 so I've cut out butter, and I tell you... 40 00:01:52,907 --> 00:01:55,375 Here. Thank you. 41 00:01:56,387 --> 00:01:59,387 No, really... it's all right. 42 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:02,947 - But it's all gristle! - No, honestly. 43 00:02:02,947 --> 00:02:05,667 Oh, there's a nice bit, see? 44 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,547 Oh, Doris, it's awful! 45 00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,707 No, dear, it's not as bad as that. 46 00:02:09,707 --> 00:02:11,387 I've had worse. 47 00:02:11,387 --> 00:02:13,787 I don't know how they get away with it. 48 00:02:13,787 --> 00:02:14,827 Everything all right? 49 00:02:14,827 --> 00:02:17,267 - Yes, thank you. - Thank you. 50 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,667 - Everything to your satisfaction? - Oh, yes, thank you. 51 00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,667 Thank you. 52 00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:23,627 Why don't you say something? 53 00:02:23,627 --> 00:02:25,707 There's is no point, is there? We just won't come here again. 54 00:02:25,707 --> 00:02:27,027 Then I'll say something. 55 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:29,347 It won't do any good. We're leaving tomorrow. 56 00:02:29,347 --> 00:02:30,667 Well, I'm going to. 57 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,307 I mean, we've been sitting here waiting 58 00:02:32,307 --> 00:02:34,662 for nearly half an hour, and it... 59 00:02:35,747 --> 00:02:37,427 - What's this? - Si? 60 00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:39,427 I ordered the cold meat salad, 61 00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:41,187 and I've been waiting about half an hour for it. 62 00:02:41,187 --> 00:02:42,387 - Salad? - Yes. 63 00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:43,907 You want change? 64 00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:45,307 No, I don't want to change... 65 00:02:45,307 --> 00:02:47,787 - Okay. - Where are you going? 66 00:02:47,787 --> 00:02:49,267 I don't want this. 67 00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,667 You say you no want change. 68 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,340 I want the salad. 69 00:02:55,187 --> 00:02:56,187 Honestly. Go on. 70 00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:58,387 - Oh, excuse me. - Yes? 71 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,427 We've been waiting for about half an hour now. 72 00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:02,347 I mean, I gave the waiter our order... 73 00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:03,787 Oh, him. He's hopeless, isn't he? 74 00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:05,067 I don't wish to complain, 75 00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:07,747 but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong. 76 00:03:07,747 --> 00:03:10,267 You think I don't know? You only have to eat here. 77 00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,307 We have to live with it. 78 00:03:11,307 --> 00:03:14,507 I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona, 79 00:03:14,507 --> 00:03:16,387 but you can't get the staff, you see. It's a nightmare. 80 00:03:16,387 --> 00:03:19,857 You were supposed to be complaining to him. 81 00:03:21,547 --> 00:03:22,536 Ah. 82 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:36,027 - Sorry about that. - Thank you. 83 00:03:36,027 --> 00:03:37,380 Extraordinary! 84 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,458 - Excuse me. - What? 85 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,700 Look! 86 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,787 Thank you so much. 87 00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,266 Enjoy your meal. 88 00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:04,982 - You haven't forgotten our lambs, have you? - No, they're coming, they're coming! 89 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:09,667 (coughing) Excuse me. 90 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,022 There's sugar in the salt cellar. 91 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,667 Anything else? 92 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,667 I've put it all over the plaice. 93 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:20,667 All over the place? What were you doing with it? 94 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,147 All over the plaice! 95 00:04:23,147 --> 00:04:25,427 Polly, would you ask Terry not to finish yet? 96 00:04:25,427 --> 00:04:27,547 We need another one of these. There is sugar in it. 97 00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,547 - What a sweet plaice. - What? 98 00:04:29,547 --> 00:04:30,707 I'll have it re-placed. 99 00:04:30,707 --> 00:04:33,227 Why is there sugar in this salt cellar? What do you think we pay you for? 100 00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:34,267 My staying power? 101 00:04:34,267 --> 00:04:36,107 The lambs? 102 00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:37,984 Yes, I'm getting them, I'm getting them. 103 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,147 - Uh, excuse me. - Yes? 104 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:45,827 Do you think we could cancel our fruit salads? 105 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,547 Well, it's a little tricky, chef's just opened the tin. 106 00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:50,627 - Oh. - Never mind. 107 00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:52,707 I'm sure it'll be very nice, thank you. 108 00:04:52,707 --> 00:04:55,667 - There we are. - Oh, thank you. 109 00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:59,187 Yes, I do like really beautiful places... 110 00:04:59,187 --> 00:05:00,867 Busy this evening, isn't it? 111 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,387 I'll tell you one of my favorites. 112 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:04,667 I said, "It's busy this evening." 113 00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:07,547 - I'm talking to Mr. Libson, Basil. - Good, well, that's a help. 114 00:05:07,547 --> 00:05:08,707 I'm sure you can cope. 115 00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,747 Oh, yes, I can cope, dear. Coping's easy. 116 00:05:10,747 --> 00:05:13,627 Not pureeing your loved ones, that's the difficult part. 117 00:05:13,627 --> 00:05:15,667 - (desk bell rings) - Sybil: Did you know, Bidiford Bridge 118 00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:16,867 has all different sizes... 119 00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:18,987 there's someone at Reception. Should I get it? 120 00:05:18,987 --> 00:05:20,987 - Yes. - My turn, is it? Fine. 121 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,427 Oh, yes. So it is. 122 00:05:22,427 --> 00:05:24,467 Funny, it's been my turn for 15 years. 123 00:05:24,467 --> 00:05:26,867 Still, when I'm dead, it'll be your turn, dear. 124 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:28,667 You'll be it. 125 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,027 Excuse me. There are two lambs here. 126 00:05:31,027 --> 00:05:33,267 I'll have them removed if they're bothering you. 127 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,620 What? 128 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:35,667 Yes? 129 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,427 Good evening. 130 00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:39,542 Are those ours? 131 00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:41,547 Not yet. 132 00:05:41,547 --> 00:05:42,667 Good evening. 133 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,867 I reserved a room by telephone this morning. 134 00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:46,347 Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton. 135 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:48,667 Indeed, yes, I remember it well. 136 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:50,627 Ah, excellent. Hamilton, yes. 137 00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:51,627 That's right. 138 00:05:51,627 --> 00:05:53,747 May I welcome you to Fawlty Towers. 139 00:05:53,747 --> 00:05:54,787 I trust your stay 140 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:57,347 will be an enjoyable and a gracious one. 141 00:05:57,347 --> 00:05:59,656 - Could we have those now? - Oh, by all means. 142 00:06:01,147 --> 00:06:03,187 - Finished with them, have you? - Absolutely. 143 00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:04,905 Bon appetit. (razzing) 144 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,987 I recommend the self-service here. It's excellent. 145 00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:12,547 - That'll be all, thank you. - What? 146 00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,467 Your lambs will be getting cold, Mr. Johnston. 147 00:06:14,467 --> 00:06:15,667 Colder. 148 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,587 If you'd like them warmed up... 149 00:06:17,587 --> 00:06:18,787 Forget it! 150 00:06:18,787 --> 00:06:21,665 You could get your wife to sit on them. 151 00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,467 I'm so sorry, but the rubbish we get in here. 152 00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:29,147 If you'd be so very kind as to fill that form out. 153 00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:31,027 Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton... 154 00:06:31,027 --> 00:06:32,907 Ah, yes, we've put you in room 12 155 00:06:32,907 --> 00:06:37,458 which has a charming panoramic view overlooking the lawn. 156 00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:40,507 What a drive, huh? 157 00:06:40,507 --> 00:06:43,907 Everything on the wrong side of the road, the weather... 158 00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:45,707 What do you get for living in a climate like this, 159 00:06:45,707 --> 00:06:47,707 Green Stamps? It's terrible! 160 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,467 Sorry about this. 161 00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:52,307 Took five hours from London, couldn't find the freeway. 162 00:06:52,307 --> 00:06:55,107 Had to take a little back street called the M5. 163 00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:57,227 Oh, I'm sorry if it wasn't wide enough for you. 164 00:06:57,227 --> 00:06:59,457 A lot of the English cars have steering wheels. 165 00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:02,867 They do, do they? 166 00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:05,547 You wouldn't think there was room for them inside. 167 00:07:05,547 --> 00:07:07,427 See what I mean? 168 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,427 What? 169 00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:10,467 Rub-bish. 170 00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,583 May I introduce my husband? 171 00:07:16,147 --> 00:07:19,467 All the rubbish we get in here. Look at that. 172 00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:21,587 - Basil. - More rubbish, dear. 173 00:07:21,587 --> 00:07:23,384 - What? - More of that bloody rubbish. 174 00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:26,347 Polly and Manuel are going, Basil. 175 00:07:26,347 --> 00:07:28,267 Just dealing with Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton, dear. 176 00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:29,827 - Good evening. - Good evening. 177 00:07:29,827 --> 00:07:30,867 (ringing) Manuel! 178 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,467 Manuel will bring your bags to your rooms. 179 00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,067 I hope you enjoy your stay and... 180 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,827 Thank you. Do we need to reserve a table for dinner? 181 00:07:36,827 --> 00:07:38,307 Dinner? 182 00:07:38,307 --> 00:07:39,947 Yes. Problem? 183 00:07:39,947 --> 00:07:42,227 - Well, it is after 9:00. - So? 184 00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:43,907 Well, we do actually stop serving at 9:00. 185 00:07:43,907 --> 00:07:44,907 9:00? 186 00:07:44,907 --> 00:07:46,347 If you could go straight in... 187 00:07:46,347 --> 00:07:47,747 We've driven five hours to get here. 188 00:07:47,747 --> 00:07:50,387 We'd like to freshen up, have a drink first, you know? 189 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,987 You couldn't do that afterwards? 190 00:07:51,987 --> 00:07:53,907 Do what? 191 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,067 You mean have our drink-before-dinner after dinner, 192 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,067 freshen up, and go to bed? 193 00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,787 If you could, it would make things easier for us. 194 00:07:58,787 --> 00:08:02,067 Shall we go to bed now, would that make it easier for you? 195 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:03,787 We're a little tired, fella. 196 00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,227 We want to clean up, be down in a few minutes. 197 00:08:05,227 --> 00:08:07,747 Yes, but the chef does actually stop at 9:00. 198 00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:09,107 9:00! 199 00:08:09,107 --> 00:08:10,107 9:00! 200 00:08:10,107 --> 00:08:11,507 Humph! 201 00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:13,947 So why does your chef stop at 9:00, huh? 202 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:16,227 He got something terminal? 203 00:08:16,227 --> 00:08:19,667 No, but that's when he, in fact, stops. 204 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,307 Uh-huh. Now, look, 205 00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:23,587 we drove from London to stay here, right? 206 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:24,787 Are you telling me 207 00:08:24,787 --> 00:08:26,787 that you can't stay open a few minutes longer 208 00:08:26,787 --> 00:08:28,067 so that we can eat properly? 209 00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:30,187 Well, we can do you sandwiches. Ham... cheese... 210 00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:31,827 - We want something hot. - Toasted sandwiches? 211 00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:33,347 - You're joking?! - Not really. 212 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,987 "Not really." Can you believe this? 213 00:08:34,987 --> 00:08:36,627 What the hell's wrong with this country? 214 00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:38,867 You can't get a drink after 3:00, you can't eat after 9:00! 215 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:39,907 Is the war still on? 216 00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:41,827 - No, but it's the staff, you see. - Oh, it's the staff. 217 00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:43,787 - We have to get the staff... - How much? 218 00:08:43,787 --> 00:08:46,187 How much of this Mickey Mouse money do you want 219 00:08:46,187 --> 00:08:47,587 to keep the chef on for half an hour? 220 00:08:47,587 --> 00:08:50,306 One, two, three... £20, huh? That enough? 221 00:08:53,947 --> 00:08:56,097 - I'll see what I can do. - Thank you. 222 00:08:57,107 --> 00:09:00,867 Uh, excuse me. Pardon! Pardon! Excuse me, please! 223 00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:03,586 This way! Por aqui. This way, please. 224 00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:15,307 Gosh, that does look absolutely marvelous, doesn't it? 225 00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:17,867 Oh, um, Terry, I almost forgot. 226 00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:20,587 Some guests have just arrived, right at the last moment, as usual. 227 00:09:20,587 --> 00:09:23,347 I'm sorry, but this puts us out just as much as it puts you out. 228 00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:26,387 - It don't put me out, Mr. Fawlty. - No, but they want some dinner, 229 00:09:26,387 --> 00:09:28,667 and they insist first on scraping off some of the filth 230 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,867 that somehow got caked to them cruising down the M5. 231 00:09:30,867 --> 00:09:32,547 Well, I got my class tonight, Mr. Fawlty. 232 00:09:32,547 --> 00:09:34,467 - I'm ready, Terry! - Right-o, Poll. 233 00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:35,467 No! Wait! 234 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:38,747 Did I say I will make it up to you? Out of my own pocket. 235 00:09:38,747 --> 00:09:41,747 It's not the money, Mr. Fawlty. My karate means a lot to me. 236 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,667 Half an hour's overtime and a taxi. 237 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,947 Mr. Fawlty, if I miss a week, 238 00:09:45,947 --> 00:09:47,707 next week I don't get out in one piece. 239 00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:48,987 An hour's overtime. 240 00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:50,667 Sorry, Mr. Fawlty. 241 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,667 What am I going to say to them? 242 00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:53,907 Two hours. 243 00:09:53,907 --> 00:09:56,467 - What? - Two hours overtime. 244 00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,067 I thought you said it wasn't the money. 245 00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,667 It ain't, but I can't think what you're gonna say to your guests. 246 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,107 Terry, I'd pay you two hours overtime if I could afford it! 247 00:10:03,107 --> 00:10:03,903 (car horn honks) 248 00:10:04,307 --> 00:10:06,587 Sorry, Mr. Fawlty. 249 00:10:06,587 --> 00:10:08,067 An hour and a half. 250 00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:09,387 - Cash? - Cash. 251 00:10:09,387 --> 00:10:11,667 An hour and a half, but I go at half past 9:00, 252 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:14,147 - then I still get some of me class, right? - And I do the washing up? 253 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,547 - You know how it is, Mr. Fawlty. - Yes, I pay you for an hour and a half, 254 00:10:17,547 --> 00:10:20,907 you clear off after half an hour, that's how it is. That's socialism. 255 00:10:20,907 --> 00:10:22,667 Oh, no, that's the free market. 256 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:23,787 Come on, Terry. 257 00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:25,467 Musn't keep the lady waiting. 258 00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,547 The lady? 259 00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:29,425 She's from Finland, Mr. Fawlty, and very pretty. Tall, blonde... 260 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:37,507 This Finnish floozy is your karate teacher, is she? 261 00:10:37,507 --> 00:10:39,307 Well, it's a sort of karate, ain't it? 262 00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:40,667 - Right, give me that. - What? 263 00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:42,427 I pay you overtime to miss a class, 264 00:10:42,427 --> 00:10:44,187 not to keep some bit of crumpet hanging around. 265 00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:46,787 No, it's all right! I'm washing up, I'll do the cooking, too. 266 00:10:46,787 --> 00:10:48,827 Go off and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about me. 267 00:10:48,827 --> 00:10:50,667 Go have a good time. I'll be all right. 268 00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:53,101 Go and have a bit of fun with a Finn! 269 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,139 Come along, Manuel! 270 00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,667 Where are you? Polly? Where... 271 00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,658 Hey, wait for me! 272 00:11:12,107 --> 00:11:14,507 If you'd care to sit over there. 273 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,067 Thank you. 274 00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,507 Good evening. 275 00:11:17,507 --> 00:11:19,067 - Evening. - Good evening. 276 00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:20,827 Is your room to your liking? 277 00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:22,867 - Yes, it's very nice. - Very nice, thank you. 278 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:23,867 Oh, good. 279 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:26,347 I'll get you tonight's menu. 280 00:11:26,347 --> 00:11:28,867 Oh, would you care for a drink before your meal? 281 00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:30,664 Scotch and water and a screwdriver, please. 282 00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:35,623 And for you, madam? 283 00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:38,427 The screwdriver's for me. 284 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:39,827 I see. 285 00:11:39,827 --> 00:11:42,667 Would you like it now, or after the meal? 286 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,987 Now, please. 287 00:11:43,987 --> 00:11:45,227 There's nothing I can put right? 288 00:11:45,227 --> 00:11:46,747 - What? - Absolutely. 289 00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,227 So it's one scotch, and a screwdriver. 290 00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:51,060 I think I'll join you. Make that two screwdrivers, would you? 291 00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:53,627 You'd like a screwdriver, as well? 292 00:11:53,627 --> 00:11:55,067 You got it. 293 00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:58,067 So, it's one scotch, and you each need a screwdriver. 294 00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:00,667 No. Forget the scotch. Two screwdrivers. 295 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,667 I understand, and you'll leave the drinks. 296 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:04,667 - What? - Nothing to drink? 297 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,027 What do you mean, "Nothing to drink"? 298 00:12:06,027 --> 00:12:08,627 Well, you can't drink your screwdrivers, can you? 299 00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,787 What else would you suggest that we do with them? 300 00:12:10,787 --> 00:12:13,667 - Vodka and orange juice. - Ah. Certainly, madam. 301 00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,667 Make that two and forget about the screwdrivers. 302 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:16,667 You sure? 303 00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,067 We can manage without them. 304 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,056 As you wish. 305 00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:24,067 "Relax in the carefree atmosphere of old English charm..." 306 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:25,547 - Shh! - "When you're there..." 307 00:12:25,547 --> 00:12:26,662 Shh! 308 00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:30,347 Hope we're not intruding on your dinner hour. 309 00:12:30,347 --> 00:12:32,542 Oh, not at all, no. 310 00:12:33,547 --> 00:12:35,147 You're American. 311 00:12:35,147 --> 00:12:36,667 That's right. 312 00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:37,987 Where are you from? 313 00:12:37,987 --> 00:12:39,067 California. 314 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,347 How lovely. 315 00:12:40,347 --> 00:12:41,667 You're English, though. 316 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,787 Yes, but I've been over there 10 years now. 317 00:12:43,787 --> 00:12:46,227 10 years. Do you ever get homesick? 318 00:12:46,227 --> 00:12:48,507 Oh, yes, but I love it there. 319 00:12:48,507 --> 00:12:49,947 The climate's so wonderful. 320 00:12:49,947 --> 00:12:52,987 You can swim and sunbathe, and then after lunch, 321 00:12:52,987 --> 00:12:54,667 drive up into the mountains and ski. 322 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,627 How wonderful. 323 00:12:56,627 --> 00:12:58,187 I like England and the English people, 324 00:12:58,187 --> 00:13:00,667 but I sure couldn't take this climate. 325 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,667 Harry finds it too gloomy. 326 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:04,987 Oh, I don't find it too gloomy. Do you, Sybil? 327 00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:06,147 Yes, I do, Basil. 328 00:13:06,147 --> 00:13:08,667 My wife finds it too gloomy. I find it rather bracing. 329 00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:09,987 What do you find bracing, Basil, 330 00:13:09,987 --> 00:13:11,547 the damp, the drizzle, the fog? 331 00:13:11,547 --> 00:13:13,267 It's not always like this. It changes. 332 00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:15,347 My husband's like the climate. He changes. 333 00:13:15,347 --> 00:13:16,667 This morning he went on for two hours 334 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,467 about the bloody weather. (laughing) 335 00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:22,107 Yes, it has been unusually damp this week, in fact, 336 00:13:22,107 --> 00:13:24,187 but normally we're rather spoiled down here 337 00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:25,547 on the English Riviera. 338 00:13:25,547 --> 00:13:28,027 Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton were telling me about California. 339 00:13:28,027 --> 00:13:30,467 You can swim in the morning, and then in the afternoon, 340 00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:32,547 you can drive up into the mountains and ski. 341 00:13:32,547 --> 00:13:34,663 Must be rather tiring. 342 00:13:35,547 --> 00:13:37,587 Well, one has a choice. 343 00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:39,827 I don't think it would suit me. I like it down here. 344 00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:42,667 It's very mild all year round. We have palm trees here in Torquay. 345 00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:44,667 Do you have palm trees in California? 346 00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,386 Burt Lancaster had one, they say. But I don't believe them. 347 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,661 What the hell is that? 348 00:13:52,747 --> 00:13:54,667 Vodka and orange juice. 349 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,707 Orange juice? 350 00:13:55,707 --> 00:13:57,267 I'm afraid it's not fresh. 351 00:13:57,267 --> 00:13:58,867 - Isn't it? - No. 352 00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:00,227 We've just opened the bottle. 353 00:14:00,227 --> 00:14:02,707 Fresh means it comes out of an orange, not a bottle. 354 00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:04,667 You'd like freshly squeezed orange juice. 355 00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:06,867 As opposed to freshly unscrewed orange juice. 356 00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:10,018 Leave it to me. I'll get chef onto it straightaway. 357 00:14:10,507 --> 00:14:11,827 Sorry about that. A lot of English people 358 00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:13,667 are used to the flavor of the bottle. 359 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:15,667 It's all right. It's just that back home, 360 00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,667 fresh orange juice comes like running water. 361 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,667 Does it really? 362 00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:22,307 It's so good for your skin, isn't it? 363 00:14:22,307 --> 00:14:24,667 I'd love to go to California someday. 364 00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:26,507 Looks so exciting. 365 00:14:26,507 --> 00:14:28,987 "Never Love a Stranger." Do you like it? 366 00:14:28,987 --> 00:14:32,067 I love all Harold Robbins. I've read this one three times. 367 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:34,307 "The Pirates" is his best, I think. 368 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,867 I read them when Harry's away. 369 00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:37,747 I don't seem to have the time when he's home. 370 00:14:37,747 --> 00:14:41,183 Who needs Harold Robbins when you got the real thing? 371 00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:45,747 How long have you been married, Mrs. Fawlty? 372 00:14:45,747 --> 00:14:47,387 Oh, since 1485. 373 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,427 There we are. Fresh orange juice. 374 00:14:49,427 --> 00:14:51,587 Thank you. 375 00:14:51,587 --> 00:14:54,627 But seriously, though, his men are all so interesting. 376 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,667 Ruthless and sexy and powerful. 377 00:14:57,667 --> 00:15:00,147 Who's this then, dear? Proust? E.M. Forster? 378 00:15:00,147 --> 00:15:02,427 - Harold Robbins. - Oh, yes, of course. 379 00:15:02,427 --> 00:15:04,147 My wife likes Harold Robbins. 380 00:15:04,147 --> 00:15:06,667 After a hard day slaving under the hair dryer, 381 00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:08,976 she needs to unwind with a few aimless thrills. 382 00:15:09,987 --> 00:15:11,547 Basil! 383 00:15:11,547 --> 00:15:13,667 Have you ever read any? 384 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,827 It really is the most awful American... 385 00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:18,667 well, not American... Transatlantic tripe. 386 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,667 A sort of pornographic muzak. 387 00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,867 Still, it keeps my wife off the streets. 388 00:15:22,867 --> 00:15:24,744 We both like him. 389 00:15:27,347 --> 00:15:28,867 Oh, oh, R-Rob-bins?! 390 00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:30,987 - What? - Harold Rob-bins?! 391 00:15:30,987 --> 00:15:32,667 I thought you meant that awful man... 392 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:34,667 what's his name? Ah... Harold Robinson! 393 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:38,507 Have you read any Harold Robinson? Ah! Painful! 394 00:15:38,507 --> 00:15:39,947 How about Waldorf salad? 395 00:15:39,947 --> 00:15:41,907 Was that one? You're absolutely right. 396 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,667 That was a shocker! 397 00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:46,659 Could you make me a Waldorf salad? 398 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:50,667 Waldorf salad. 399 00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:53,022 I think we're just out of Waldorfs. 400 00:15:55,707 --> 00:15:58,947 - I don't believe this. - It's not very well known here, Harry. 401 00:15:58,947 --> 00:16:00,787 May I recommend tonight... 402 00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:04,587 I'm sure your chef knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad. 403 00:16:04,587 --> 00:16:05,707 I wouldn't be too sure... 404 00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:08,067 - He's a chef, isn't he? - You wouldn't prefer... 405 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:11,107 Find out! Go see if he knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad! 406 00:16:11,107 --> 00:16:13,018 Of course, yes. 407 00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:20,147 He's not positive... he's almost got it. It's lettuce and tomato... 408 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:23,067 No, no! It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes! 409 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,587 In a mayonnaise sauce. 410 00:16:24,587 --> 00:16:26,187 Incidentally, he did ask me to say 411 00:16:26,187 --> 00:16:29,147 that he does especially recommend the paté tonight. 412 00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:31,387 - I don't want paté. - Or the grapefruit? 413 00:16:31,387 --> 00:16:33,147 The grapefruit? How's it done? 414 00:16:33,147 --> 00:16:36,627 Well, it's halved, with a cherry in the... 415 00:16:36,627 --> 00:16:37,627 center. 416 00:16:37,627 --> 00:16:39,787 Look! I haven't paid you £20 417 00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:41,667 to have some guy cut a grapefruit in half 418 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,667 and stick a cherry in the center! 419 00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:43,667 Exactly. 420 00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:44,667 I want a Waldorf salad! 421 00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,227 Absolutely. One Waldorf salad. 422 00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:48,667 - And a green salad for me. - And one green salad. 423 00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:50,667 And if we can't manage the Waldorf salad? 424 00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:54,027 I want a Waldorf salad! And to follow, a couple of filet mignons! 425 00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:55,027 Steaks! 426 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:57,587 Steaks! Done rare! Not out of a bottle! 427 00:16:57,587 --> 00:16:58,667 Not out of a bottle, right. 428 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:01,667 Would you care to see the wine list? 429 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:02,787 Thank you. 430 00:17:02,787 --> 00:17:06,507 May I ask, did you say you paid £20? 431 00:17:06,507 --> 00:17:08,827 Yes. But it's, uh... not the money. 432 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,587 My wife and I, we wanted dinner and... 433 00:17:10,587 --> 00:17:13,467 This can't be right. There's no reason chef couldn't stay. 434 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,307 I'm awfully sorry. He's forgotten already. 435 00:17:15,307 --> 00:17:17,027 Uh, walnuts, cheese...? 436 00:17:17,027 --> 00:17:19,307 No! No cheese! 437 00:17:19,307 --> 00:17:22,147 It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes! 438 00:17:22,147 --> 00:17:23,347 - Right! - In mayonnaise! 439 00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:24,860 Right! Now, come on! 440 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,067 Uh... 441 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:31,667 would you excuse me one moment? 442 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:34,267 Uh, excuse me. Bottle of Volnay, please. 443 00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:36,656 Of course. Thank you. 444 00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,827 What's this about £20, Basil? 445 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,667 There's no celery! Would you believe it? 446 00:17:42,667 --> 00:17:44,667 I'll find the celery. What about this £20? 447 00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:46,307 He gave me £20 to keep the kitchen open. 448 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:47,667 Chef wouldn't tell me... where does he put things? 449 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,147 - If you'd just look. - I have looked! 450 00:17:50,147 --> 00:17:51,667 There's no celery, there's no grapes. 451 00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:54,027 Walnuts! That's a laugh! Easier to find a packet 452 00:17:54,027 --> 00:17:55,947 of sliced hippopotamus in suitcase sauce 453 00:17:55,947 --> 00:17:57,707 than a walnut in this bloody kitchen! 454 00:17:57,707 --> 00:18:00,547 - We've got apples. - Terrific! We'll celebrate. 455 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,507 We'll have an apple party. Everybody brings an apple 456 00:18:02,507 --> 00:18:04,307 and stuffs it down somebody's throat! 457 00:18:04,307 --> 00:18:08,787 Basil, I will find everything. Just go and get a bottle of Volnay. 458 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,667 What's a Waldorf, anyway? A walnut that's gone off? 459 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,587 It's the hotel, Basil. 460 00:18:13,587 --> 00:18:15,627 The Waldorf Hotel in New York. 461 00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:17,507 Wait! 462 00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:18,507 Wait. 463 00:18:18,507 --> 00:18:19,462 Basil! 464 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,907 Everything all right? 465 00:18:22,907 --> 00:18:24,227 Yes, thank you. 466 00:18:24,227 --> 00:18:25,227 Never been better. 467 00:18:25,227 --> 00:18:27,467 Oh, good. And by the way, I wonder, 468 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:30,587 have you by any chance ever tried a Ritz salad? 469 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:31,747 Ritz salad? 470 00:18:31,747 --> 00:18:33,907 It's a traditional Olde English thing. 471 00:18:33,907 --> 00:18:35,667 It's apples, grapefruit, 472 00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,267 and potatoes in a mayonnaise sauce. 473 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:39,307 No, I don't think I ever tried that. 474 00:18:39,307 --> 00:18:41,747 Don't think I ever will, either. 475 00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:42,747 That's probably pretty sound. 476 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,507 About this Waldorf salad of yours... 477 00:18:45,507 --> 00:18:46,507 Yes? 478 00:18:46,507 --> 00:18:48,667 Been having a bit of a tete-a-tete with chef. 479 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,667 We're all right on the apples, 480 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:52,427 absolutely no problem with them at all. 481 00:18:52,427 --> 00:18:55,667 Now, on the celery front, uh... perhaps I should explain, 482 00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,987 we normally get our celery delivered on a Wednesday, 483 00:18:57,987 --> 00:19:01,147 along with our cabbages, onions, walnuts, grapes... 484 00:19:01,147 --> 00:19:03,747 - But this week, the driver... - Mr. Fawlty... 485 00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:06,547 - He was putting... - I'm not interested. 486 00:19:06,547 --> 00:19:09,667 He slipped forward, and the van door caught his arm and may have fractured it. 487 00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:11,827 - You don't have any. - They did the x-rays, 488 00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:13,387 and we'll know tomorrow if they'll have to operate, 489 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:16,147 and to cut a long story short, we don't have any, no. 490 00:19:16,147 --> 00:19:18,147 But, um... 491 00:19:18,147 --> 00:19:20,667 so, makes you think how lucky you are! 492 00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:22,547 Doesn't it? I mean, here we all are, 493 00:19:22,547 --> 00:19:24,667 with all our limbs functioning. Quite frankly, 494 00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:27,467 if you've got your health, what else matters? 495 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,264 What a bunch of crap! 496 00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,667 Oh, do you think so? I always feel... 497 00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:33,987 What the hell's going on here?! 498 00:19:33,987 --> 00:19:36,787 It says "Hotel" outside! Now, is this a hotel or isn't it? 499 00:19:36,787 --> 00:19:38,067 Well, within reason. 500 00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,627 You know something, fella? 501 00:19:39,627 --> 00:19:42,067 If this was back in the States, I wouldn't board my dog here. 502 00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:43,705 Fussy is he? Poodle? 503 00:19:44,747 --> 00:19:46,667 Poodle? 504 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,658 I'm not getting through to you, am I? 505 00:19:50,547 --> 00:19:52,587 I stay in hotels all over the world. 506 00:19:52,587 --> 00:19:55,667 This is the first time I've had to bribe a chef to cook me a meal, 507 00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,787 then find out he doesn't even have the basic goddamn ingredients! 508 00:19:58,787 --> 00:20:02,667 Holy cow, can't you see what a crummy dump this is? 509 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,747 - You listening to this, are you... - I'm talking to you! 510 00:20:04,747 --> 00:20:07,627 - Terry, you can get out... - Shut up and listen to me! 511 00:20:07,627 --> 00:20:09,747 - Can't you see this ain't good enough? - I see what you mean. 512 00:20:09,747 --> 00:20:12,867 Then you give me some half-assed story about some delivery guy busting his arm. 513 00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:16,147 Look, Fawlty, if your chef couldn't find the ingredients from that guy, 514 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,467 why didn't he get them from somebody else? 515 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,827 - Exactly. Hopeless. - What? 516 00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,027 - Completely hopeless. - Right. 517 00:20:22,027 --> 00:20:24,947 You're the manager, aren't you? You're responsible. 518 00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:26,667 So what are you going to do about it? 519 00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:28,107 I'll have a word with him. 520 00:20:28,107 --> 00:20:29,547 Have a word with him? 521 00:20:29,547 --> 00:20:32,067 Man, you gotta tell him, lay it on the line! 522 00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:33,107 Lay it on the line. 523 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:36,627 Tell him if he doesn't get on the ball, you're gonna bust his ass! 524 00:20:36,627 --> 00:20:38,067 - Bust his...? - I'll tell him! 525 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:39,747 No, I'll tell him! Leave it to me! 526 00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:41,339 I've got it. I've got it. 527 00:20:43,987 --> 00:20:45,667 - Bust his...? - Ass! 528 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:47,658 Oh, that! 529 00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,862 And two green salads. 530 00:20:55,627 --> 00:20:57,667 Here we are. 531 00:20:57,667 --> 00:20:59,547 One green salad, 532 00:20:59,547 --> 00:21:01,707 and one Waldorf salad. 533 00:21:01,707 --> 00:21:04,067 But I thought, uh... 534 00:21:04,067 --> 00:21:05,307 - Yes? - (desk bell rings) 535 00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,707 Would you excuse me one moment? 536 00:21:06,707 --> 00:21:08,547 (Basil yelling) It's not good enough! 537 00:21:08,547 --> 00:21:09,987 Do you hear me? It's not good enough! 538 00:21:09,987 --> 00:21:11,907 (false voice) But Mr. Robinson hurt his arm! 539 00:21:11,907 --> 00:21:14,467 (normal voice) That's a bunch of ass! 540 00:21:14,467 --> 00:21:15,667 It's fine. 541 00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:16,707 Basil: Why can't you make a Waldorf salad? 542 00:21:16,707 --> 00:21:18,787 - Waldorf salad? - Yeah. 543 00:21:18,787 --> 00:21:21,987 Basil: Tomorrow you get the ingredients for a Waldorf salad, 544 00:21:21,987 --> 00:21:23,627 or I'm going to break your bottom! 545 00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:25,667 (false voice) Oh, no! You can't! 546 00:21:25,667 --> 00:21:27,464 (normal voice) No, I mean it! 547 00:21:27,907 --> 00:21:30,387 - Everything all right? - Yes, thank you. 548 00:21:30,387 --> 00:21:31,987 You're sure there's nothing...? 549 00:21:31,987 --> 00:21:32,987 No, it's very good. 550 00:21:32,987 --> 00:21:34,627 Oh, good. 551 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,667 Oh, um... 552 00:21:36,667 --> 00:21:38,227 - your chef. - Yes? 553 00:21:38,227 --> 00:21:39,427 Has he been with you long? 554 00:21:39,427 --> 00:21:41,747 About six months. He used to work at Dorchester. 555 00:21:41,747 --> 00:21:43,227 At the Dorchester? 556 00:21:43,227 --> 00:21:46,227 No. In Dorchester, about 14 miles away. 557 00:21:46,227 --> 00:21:48,667 Here we are. Two green salads. 558 00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:50,467 Basil. 559 00:21:50,467 --> 00:21:51,507 Yes, dear? 560 00:21:51,507 --> 00:21:53,667 Mr. Hamilton has his Waldorf salad, dear. 561 00:21:53,667 --> 00:21:56,107 No, chef couldn't make it. He didn't have the ingredients. 562 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:58,667 I just smashed his backside about it. 563 00:22:00,467 --> 00:22:02,662 But there it is. 564 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:05,227 What? 565 00:22:05,227 --> 00:22:08,227 There's the Waldorf salad. Chef found the ingredients. 566 00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:09,667 It's fine. 567 00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:13,427 Well, if he found the ingredients, why didn't he tell me? 568 00:22:13,427 --> 00:22:15,267 Has he been struck dumb? 569 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:18,027 Has somebody torn his tongue out in the last two minutes? 570 00:22:18,027 --> 00:22:20,227 Maybe Robinson's arm got better. 571 00:22:20,227 --> 00:22:21,667 (laughing) 572 00:22:21,667 --> 00:22:22,907 I'm sorry about this. 573 00:22:22,907 --> 00:22:23,987 It's all right. 574 00:22:23,987 --> 00:22:25,667 - No, it isn't. - It doesn't matter. 575 00:22:25,667 --> 00:22:27,827 - It matters to me. - I got my Waldorf salad. 576 00:22:27,827 --> 00:22:29,627 - Excuse me. - For God's sake! 577 00:22:29,627 --> 00:22:31,827 - Chef, what's this? - Bring that back immediately! 578 00:22:31,827 --> 00:22:35,107 I'm so sorry. I'll get it back for you. 579 00:22:35,107 --> 00:22:36,907 Basil: Sorry? I'll give you sorry! 580 00:22:36,907 --> 00:22:39,347 - Get off your knees! - Sybil: Basil! 581 00:22:39,347 --> 00:22:40,747 I haven't finished with chef yet, Sybil. 582 00:22:40,747 --> 00:22:42,987 Basil: Why didn't you tell me you had found them, 583 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,987 you stupid cow?! 584 00:22:44,987 --> 00:22:48,507 Eh, chef? I haven't finished! You can have it in a... 585 00:22:48,507 --> 00:22:49,781 - (dull thud) - Basil: Oof! 586 00:22:51,907 --> 00:22:54,707 Sorry about that little confusion. 587 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,707 Chef hasn't been with us very long. 588 00:22:56,707 --> 00:22:59,175 We've just reorganized the kitchen. 589 00:23:00,427 --> 00:23:01,667 Thank you. 590 00:23:01,667 --> 00:23:03,507 Oh, you haven't got your wine yet. 591 00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:04,667 Basil! 592 00:23:04,667 --> 00:23:06,817 Won't be a moment! Basil! 593 00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:10,147 Yes, my sweet? 594 00:23:10,147 --> 00:23:12,827 Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton haven't got their wine. 595 00:23:12,827 --> 00:23:15,307 - Fine. - And, Basil? 596 00:23:15,307 --> 00:23:17,067 Has chef put the steaks on yet? 597 00:23:17,067 --> 00:23:18,216 I'll tell him. 598 00:23:20,307 --> 00:23:22,187 Is your husband all right? 599 00:23:22,187 --> 00:23:25,067 Oh, yes. He's just had rather a long day. 600 00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:26,627 There's just the two of you here, right? 601 00:23:26,627 --> 00:23:29,227 We haven't had a proper holiday for eight years. 602 00:23:29,227 --> 00:23:30,507 Eight years? 603 00:23:30,507 --> 00:23:34,507 Yes. I have to get away occasionally just for a few hours. 604 00:23:34,507 --> 00:23:36,507 Even if it's just down to the hairdresser, 605 00:23:36,507 --> 00:23:37,747 or a round of golf, 606 00:23:37,747 --> 00:23:40,707 or a bridge evening with some of the girls, 607 00:23:40,707 --> 00:23:42,947 drive in the country sometimes, 608 00:23:42,947 --> 00:23:44,467 just on my own. 609 00:23:44,467 --> 00:23:46,667 Pop down to Cornwall for the day sometimes. 610 00:23:46,667 --> 00:23:47,895 It's beautiful there. 611 00:23:48,907 --> 00:23:51,107 Your Volnay, sir. 612 00:23:51,107 --> 00:23:53,867 You must visit Cornwall while you're here. 613 00:23:53,867 --> 00:23:56,307 Incidentally, I've been talking to chef, 614 00:23:56,307 --> 00:23:57,667 and we've sorted out what happened. 615 00:23:57,667 --> 00:23:59,667 Um, apparently he thought that he'd, uh... 616 00:23:59,667 --> 00:24:01,667 That's very nice. Thank you. 617 00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:03,707 ...got two orders for Waldorf salad, 618 00:24:03,707 --> 00:24:05,667 and in fact, he had the ingredients, 619 00:24:05,667 --> 00:24:07,667 until he made one, 620 00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:10,987 he realized that he didn't have enough for the second. 621 00:24:10,987 --> 00:24:12,387 Don't let it bother you. 622 00:24:12,387 --> 00:24:14,218 This will explain everything. 623 00:24:15,907 --> 00:24:17,507 - What's that? - A letter. 624 00:24:17,507 --> 00:24:19,387 - A letter? - A letter from the chef. 625 00:24:19,387 --> 00:24:20,667 It explains everything. 626 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:23,667 - A letter from the chef? - He wanted to apologize personally, 627 00:24:23,667 --> 00:24:25,707 but I didn't want him wasting your time... 628 00:24:25,707 --> 00:24:27,067 Look, just forget about it, will you? 629 00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:28,947 - I'll read it for you. - I want my steak! 630 00:24:28,947 --> 00:24:31,867 Won't be a moment. "Dear Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton, 631 00:24:31,867 --> 00:24:33,267 I hope you are well. 632 00:24:33,267 --> 00:24:36,667 This is just a brief note to say that I take full responsibility 633 00:24:36,667 --> 00:24:37,987 for the dreadful mess-ups tonight. 634 00:24:37,987 --> 00:24:39,667 If I'd only listened to Mr. Fawlty, 635 00:24:39,667 --> 00:24:42,427 none of this fiasco would have occurred. 636 00:24:42,427 --> 00:24:44,867 I'd just like to tell you that such a cock-up 637 00:24:44,867 --> 00:24:46,587 has never occurred in my career before, 638 00:24:46,587 --> 00:24:48,667 and that now everything has been sorted out, 639 00:24:48,667 --> 00:24:50,547 I'll be back to my very best form. 640 00:24:50,547 --> 00:24:51,867 Signed, Terr..." 641 00:24:51,867 --> 00:24:54,017 (sighing) 642 00:24:59,667 --> 00:25:01,667 (Basil yelling) What are you doing?! 643 00:25:01,667 --> 00:25:03,867 What do you mean, you've burned it? 644 00:25:03,867 --> 00:25:05,867 I've had just about enough of this. 645 00:25:05,867 --> 00:25:07,027 Harry... 646 00:25:07,027 --> 00:25:08,747 Basil: How could you forget about it? 647 00:25:08,747 --> 00:25:10,547 (false voice) I was making another Waldorf... 648 00:25:10,547 --> 00:25:12,667 (normal voice) Making another Waldorf salad?! 649 00:25:12,667 --> 00:25:15,827 What are you making another Waldorf salad for?! 650 00:25:15,827 --> 00:25:18,187 (false voice) Careful, I'm only a little bloke! 651 00:25:18,187 --> 00:25:21,463 What do you think Mr. And Mrs. Hamilton must think... 652 00:25:27,747 --> 00:25:30,466 Mr. Hamilton, may I introduce Terry... 653 00:25:33,347 --> 00:25:35,667 Where did he go? 654 00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:37,627 Where's he gone? Did you see him? 655 00:25:37,627 --> 00:25:39,618 Maybe he went to get something to eat. 656 00:25:41,347 --> 00:25:43,147 - Come on, honey. - What is it, Harry? 657 00:25:43,147 --> 00:25:44,627 - We're leaving. - What's happened? 658 00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:46,663 I'll tell you later. 659 00:25:47,667 --> 00:25:49,747 Yes, your steak will be ready in a moment. 660 00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:51,627 He must have heard you coming, 661 00:25:51,627 --> 00:25:53,667 panicked, and run out into the yard. 662 00:25:53,667 --> 00:25:56,907 You know, after all the problems we've... 663 00:25:56,907 --> 00:25:58,579 Humph! 664 00:26:03,227 --> 00:26:05,627 How big a butterball do you take me for?! 665 00:26:05,627 --> 00:26:06,627 Butterb...? 666 00:26:06,627 --> 00:26:09,027 You think I don't know what's been going on out there?! 667 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:10,107 Oh, bit of a debacle, I'm afraid. 668 00:26:10,107 --> 00:26:11,947 I'm talking about you taking £20 off me 669 00:26:11,947 --> 00:26:13,667 to keep the chef on, letting him go, 670 00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:16,787 cooking the meal yourself, then pretending he's still out there! 671 00:26:16,787 --> 00:26:17,827 - Oh, that. - Yes, that! 672 00:26:17,827 --> 00:26:20,187 And I'd be interested to know what you've got to say about it. 673 00:26:20,187 --> 00:26:21,987 - Good evening. - I asked you a question. 674 00:26:21,987 --> 00:26:25,667 I'm sorry that your meal has not been satisfactory this evening. 675 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,667 Huh! What I am suggesting 676 00:26:27,667 --> 00:26:30,987 is that this place is the crummiest, shoddiest, 677 00:26:30,987 --> 00:26:33,987 worst-run hotel in the whole of Western Europe! 678 00:26:33,987 --> 00:26:37,184 No! No! I won't have that! 679 00:26:38,187 --> 00:26:40,227 There's a place in Eastbourne... 680 00:26:40,227 --> 00:26:41,987 What's its name? 681 00:26:41,987 --> 00:26:45,987 And that you are the British Tourist Board's answer to Donald Duck! 682 00:26:45,987 --> 00:26:48,667 Look, I know things have gone wrong this evening, 683 00:26:48,667 --> 00:26:51,547 but you must remember that we have had thousands of satisfied customers... 684 00:26:51,547 --> 00:26:53,307 All right, let's ask them, eh? 685 00:26:53,307 --> 00:26:55,307 - What? - Let's ask them. 686 00:26:55,307 --> 00:26:58,027 Are you all satisfied? You... are you satisfied? 687 00:26:58,027 --> 00:27:01,507 Major, are you satisfied? You've been here seven years. 688 00:27:01,507 --> 00:27:02,827 Oh, yes. I love it here... 689 00:27:02,827 --> 00:27:05,867 - Ladies, are you satisfied? - Yes, thank you, Mr. Fawlty. 690 00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:07,867 - Thank you for asking. - Not at all. 691 00:27:07,867 --> 00:27:09,787 - Mr. Arrad, are you satisfied? - Well, yes. 692 00:27:09,787 --> 00:27:11,947 - Mrs. Gurke, you? - Very nice, yes. 693 00:27:11,947 --> 00:27:13,947 You see? Satisfied customers. 694 00:27:13,947 --> 00:27:15,947 Of course, if this little hotel is not to your taste, 695 00:27:15,947 --> 00:27:17,667 then you are free to say so, that is your privilege. 696 00:27:17,667 --> 00:27:19,667 And I shall of course refund your money. 697 00:27:19,667 --> 00:27:21,667 I know how important it is to you Americans. 698 00:27:21,667 --> 00:27:23,667 But you must remember that here in Britain, 699 00:27:23,667 --> 00:27:25,227 there are things that we value more, 700 00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:27,787 things that perhaps in America you've rather forgotten about, 701 00:27:27,787 --> 00:27:31,267 but which to we British are far, far more important... 702 00:27:31,267 --> 00:27:32,667 I'm not satisfied. 703 00:27:32,667 --> 00:27:34,427 Wh-what? 704 00:27:34,427 --> 00:27:35,667 I'm not satisfied! 705 00:27:35,667 --> 00:27:37,667 No, we're not satisfied! 706 00:27:37,667 --> 00:27:39,547 Well, people like you never are, are you? 707 00:27:39,547 --> 00:27:40,907 What? 708 00:27:40,907 --> 00:27:43,507 There's nothing I could do to please a pair like you 709 00:27:43,507 --> 00:27:45,067 short of putting straw in the rooms. 710 00:27:45,067 --> 00:27:47,067 I think you're the rudest man I've ever met! 711 00:27:47,067 --> 00:27:48,507 I haven't started yet. 712 00:27:48,507 --> 00:27:50,667 And you're not going to. 713 00:27:50,667 --> 00:27:52,627 You're going to stand here nice and quiet 714 00:27:52,627 --> 00:27:54,667 while these people say whether or not they're satisfied. 715 00:27:54,667 --> 00:27:56,976 You move off that spot, Fawlty, and I'm going to bust your ass! 716 00:27:59,667 --> 00:28:01,467 Everything's bottoms, isn't it? 717 00:28:01,467 --> 00:28:02,627 Yes, sir? 718 00:28:02,627 --> 00:28:05,867 I think this is probably the worst hotel we've ever stayed in. 719 00:28:05,867 --> 00:28:07,987 Yes, it is. The service here is an absolute disgrace! 720 00:28:07,987 --> 00:28:09,587 - I agree. - You do? 721 00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:11,707 Yes. We had to wait nearly half an hour 722 00:28:11,707 --> 00:28:13,027 for our main course, 723 00:28:13,027 --> 00:28:14,987 and when it arrived, it was wrong. 724 00:28:14,987 --> 00:28:17,787 When I complained, he fobbed me off with some rubbish about... 725 00:28:17,787 --> 00:28:18,827 My prawns were off. 726 00:28:18,827 --> 00:28:20,667 When I told him, there was an argument. 727 00:28:20,667 --> 00:28:23,067 And her meat was awfully poor. 728 00:28:23,067 --> 00:28:25,667 And I asked you to fix my radiator three times, 729 00:28:25,667 --> 00:28:27,067 and nothing's been done! 730 00:28:27,067 --> 00:28:29,467 Satisfied customers, huh? 731 00:28:29,467 --> 00:28:32,982 (chuckling) Hot dog. 732 00:28:38,067 --> 00:28:40,707 This is... 733 00:28:40,707 --> 00:28:42,538 typical. 734 00:28:44,227 --> 00:28:47,378 Absolutely typical. 735 00:28:48,387 --> 00:28:50,147 The kind of... 736 00:28:50,147 --> 00:28:51,987 ass... 737 00:28:51,987 --> 00:28:54,507 I've had to put up with from you people! 738 00:28:54,507 --> 00:28:58,947 You ponce in here expecting to be hand-waited on hand and foot! 739 00:28:58,947 --> 00:29:00,667 I'm trying to run a hotel here! 740 00:29:00,667 --> 00:29:03,587 Have you any idea of how much there is to do? 741 00:29:03,587 --> 00:29:04,667 Do you ever think of that? 742 00:29:04,667 --> 00:29:06,667 Of course not! You're too busy 743 00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:08,827 sticking your noses into every corner, 744 00:29:08,827 --> 00:29:11,747 poking about for things to complain about, aren't you? 745 00:29:11,747 --> 00:29:13,747 Well, let me tell you something! 746 00:29:13,747 --> 00:29:17,547 This is exactly how Nazi Germany started! 747 00:29:17,547 --> 00:29:20,707 A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do 748 00:29:20,707 --> 00:29:22,667 than to cause trouble! 749 00:29:22,667 --> 00:29:25,907 I've had 15 years of pandering to the likes of you, 750 00:29:25,907 --> 00:29:28,107 and I've had enough! I've had it! 751 00:29:28,107 --> 00:29:30,707 Come on, pack your bags and get out! 752 00:29:30,707 --> 00:29:31,787 They're packed. 753 00:29:31,787 --> 00:29:33,667 Order 10 taxis, will you? I'll pay for 'em. 754 00:29:33,667 --> 00:29:34,867 - Come on! - What?! 755 00:29:34,867 --> 00:29:37,667 Out! Everybody out! Come on, upstairs! 756 00:29:37,667 --> 00:29:39,707 Pack your bags! Adios! Out! 757 00:29:39,707 --> 00:29:40,827 But it's raining! 758 00:29:40,827 --> 00:29:42,627 You should have thought of that before. 759 00:29:42,627 --> 00:29:44,667 Too late now! Come on, out! 760 00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:47,467 Raus, raus, raus! 761 00:29:47,467 --> 00:29:48,467 Basil! 762 00:29:48,467 --> 00:29:49,987 What are you doing? 763 00:29:49,987 --> 00:29:52,667 Well, let me explain, my little work horse. 764 00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:55,667 The guests and I have been having a bit of an old chin wag. 765 00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:57,658 And the upshot of it all is, they're off. 766 00:29:58,707 --> 00:29:59,707 Off? 767 00:29:59,707 --> 00:30:02,346 Let me put it this way: Either they go, or I go. 768 00:30:04,027 --> 00:30:05,387 Right! Right! Come on back, everybody! 769 00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:08,107 My wife's had a better idea. I'm going instead! 770 00:30:08,107 --> 00:30:10,907 Well, goodbye, dear. It's been an interesting 15 years, 771 00:30:10,907 --> 00:30:12,667 but all good things must come to an end. 772 00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:15,667 I hope you enjoy your new work here, helping to run a hotel. 773 00:30:15,667 --> 00:30:17,427 Goodbye, Major. Goodbye, ladies. 774 00:30:17,427 --> 00:30:19,707 Give my regards to Polly and Manuel. Bye, dear. 775 00:30:19,707 --> 00:30:21,387 You've forgotten your keys, Basil. 776 00:30:21,387 --> 00:30:23,667 So I have, dear. Goodbye to the rest of you. 777 00:30:23,667 --> 00:30:25,627 I hope you enjoy your stay here. 778 00:30:25,627 --> 00:30:27,747 Don't forget: Any complaints, don't hesitate to tell my wife. 779 00:30:27,747 --> 00:30:30,267 Any hour of the day or night, just shout. 780 00:30:30,267 --> 00:30:32,147 Bye! 781 00:30:32,147 --> 00:30:34,820 (rain splattering) 782 00:30:51,067 --> 00:30:53,376 10 minutes? That'll be fine. 783 00:30:58,307 --> 00:31:00,987 Hello, dear, I'm back. 784 00:31:00,987 --> 00:31:03,227 What do you want, Basil? 785 00:31:03,227 --> 00:31:06,187 A room, please. Number 12 is free, I think. 786 00:31:06,187 --> 00:31:08,827 Now, I'd like breakfast in bed at half past 10:00 in the morning. 787 00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,667 That's eggs, bacon, sausage, and tomato 788 00:31:10,667 --> 00:31:12,747 with a Waldorf salad. All washed down 789 00:31:12,747 --> 00:31:15,341 with lashings of hot screwdriver... 790 00:31:15,987 --> 00:31:18,057 (closing theme music)