1
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(opening theme music)
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You said you'd go.
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I didn't say I would,
I said I might.
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I've got to do
the accounts tonight.
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You don't have to do
the accounts tonight.
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- I do.
- It's always the same.
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Whenever I want to go out,
you've always got some excuse.
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It's not an excuse.
It's just that tonight...
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it's not just tonight, it's any night
I want to go out with any of my friends,
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anyone at all, any other members
of the human race.
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Yes, I wouldn't call the Sherrins
members of the human race.
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I'm cooped up in this hotel
all day long.
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You never take me out,
the only bit of life I get
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is when I get away
with some of my friends.
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Well, you must get away
more often, dear.
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They all think
you're peculiar.
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You know that,
don't you?
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They've all said
at one time or another,
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how on earth did the two of us
ever get together?
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"Black magic," my mother says.
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She'd know,
wouldn't she?
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Her and that cat.
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Shall I get you
the wine list?
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Mr. Fawlty?
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"Mister"?
Please, call me waiter.
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I'll go get a chair
and you can really tuck in.
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There's some stuff
in the bin you might like,
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potato peelings, cold rice pudding,
that sort of thing...
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not exactly haute cuisine,
but it'll certainly help to fill you up.
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Sybil, may I introduce
the gentleman
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who's just opened
the self-service department here? Mister...
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Carnegie.
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Mr. Carnegie,
the scavenger gourmet from...
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The public health department.
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Yes, wh-where
were you born?
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Scavenger or down here
in the West country?
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Public health department?
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Here's the invoice
for the meat, Mr. Carnegie.
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It's the six-monthly checkup.
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The meat was delivered
on Wednesday.
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Yes. That would appear
to be satisfactory.
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Oh good. Hope you didn't mind
my little joke just now.
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Thank God we English
can laugh at each other, eh?
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(door slamming)
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That's our... our new chef,
just... just left.
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Just popped out
for a quick prayer, I expect.
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- Mr. Fawlty?
- Hello.
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These premises do not come up
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to the standard required by this authority.
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Unless appropriate steps
are taken instantly,
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I shall have no alternative
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but to prosecute
or recommend closure
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to the appropriate committee
of the council.
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Specifically, lack
of proper cleaning routines,
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dirty and greasy filters,
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greasy and encrusted
deep fat fryer,
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dirty, cracked, and stained
food preparation surfaces,
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dirty, cracked, and missing
wall and floor tiles,
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dirty, marked,
and stained utensils,
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dirty and greasy
interior surfaces
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of the ventilator hoods.
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Yes, about
the deep fat fryer...
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Inadequate temperature control
and storage of dangerous foodstuffs,
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storage of cooked
and raw meat in same trays,
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storage of raw meat
above confectionery,
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with consequent dripping
of meat juices
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onto cream products,
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refrigerator seals
loose and cracked,
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ice box undefrosted,
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and refrigerator overstocked.
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Yes, say no more.
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Food handling routines
suspect,
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evidence of smoking
in food preparation area,
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dirty and grubby
food handling overalls,
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lack of wash handbasin...
which you gave us a verbal assurance
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you'd have installed
on our last visit six months ago...
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and two dead pigeons
in the water tank.
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Otherwise, okay?
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As I said,
I shall refrain from serving
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a food hygiene notice today,
but I shall return tomorrow.
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If the items on this list
have not been rectified,
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I shall take immediate action.
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I have not had time
to inspect the bedrooms
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and common passageways,
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but I shall be
doing so tomorrow.
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Yes, of course.
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The only gourmets
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you'll find scavenging
in this kitchen
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will be kamikaze ones.
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00:04:02,427 --> 00:04:05,227
Thought we was in trouble
there for a minute.
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We are in trouble.
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Piece of cake.
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Have you read
this piece of cake?
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They gotta do that,
ain't they?
95
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It's part of their job.
96
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Terry, this kitchen is filthy!
97
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Filthy Towers, eh?
98
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Now, look...
99
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All kitchens are filthy,
Mr. Fawlty.
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In fact, the better the kitchen,
the filthier it is.
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Have you ever read
102
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George Orwell's experiences
at Maxim's in Paris?
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No, do you have a copy?
I'll read it out in court.
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Don't just stand there
gossiping.
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Go upstairs.
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I'm trying to point out
to our alleged chef...
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Go upstairs
and get Manuel,
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then check the bathrooms
for soap and paper
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and get those pigeons
out of the water tank.
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Yes, my little commandant.
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And see how many
fire extinguishers are missing.
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Come on, Polly.
We'll start in here.
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Not in here, puss.
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(man singing)
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Manuel, I'm sorry.
This is an emergency.
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Important, si?
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The health inspector's
just been,
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things wrong with hotel.
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We put them right
by tomorrow, all right?
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Now, Manuel, go up
to the roof, si?
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Yes, si.
122
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No, no, come.
I haven't told you yet.
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Go to the water tank.
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Water.
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Water tank.
Water on roof, in tank.
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Si, si, si.
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Two dead pigeons,
in tank. Take out.
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It's not difficult, Manuel.
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This is not a proposition
from Wittgenstein.
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Listen, two dead pigeons.
Water tank.
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What is funny?
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How they get up there?
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How'd they...?
They flew up there.
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That's right.
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Will you stop...
will you just...
136
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will you pull...
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Not pigs! Pigeons!
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¿Qué?
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Pigeon, pigeon.
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Like your English.
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"Piety, piffle,
pig, pigeon!" Pigeon.
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"Piggy on..."
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Ah!
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What is that?
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Is my hamster.
"Piggy-on."
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Hamster?
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Si, si.
No, pidge-on.
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- Manuel, it's a rat.
- Pidge-in.
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- It's a rat!
- No, no, is hamster.
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Of course it's a rat.
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You have rats
in Spain, don't you?
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Or did Franco
have them all shot?
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No, is hamster.
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- It's a rat.
- No, I think so too.
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I say to man in shop,
"Is rat."
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He says, "No, no, no.
Is a special kind of hamster.
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Is Filigree Siberian Hamster."
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Only one in shop.
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He make special price,
only £5.
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Have you ever heard of
the Bubonic Plague, Manuel?
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It was very popular
here at one time.
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A lot of
pedigreed hamsters
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came over on ships
from Siberia.
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What you do?!
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Sorry, this is a rat.
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- No, no! Is hamster!
- Is not hamster.
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Hamster are small
and cuddly.
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Cuddle this, you'd never
play the guitar again.
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Where you go?
Where you take him?
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I'm sorry Manuel.
He's got to go.
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- Go? No, no, no!
- Yes.
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He mine.
He stay with me.
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Now look!
This is a hotel!
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The health inspector
comes tomorrow.
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If he sees this,
I, closed down.
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No warning,
closed down. Finito.
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00:07:03,387 --> 00:07:05,427
You, out of work.
Back to Barcelona.
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He no hurt.
He in cage.
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00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,547
He safe.
Please! Please!
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- Good morning, ladies.
- What's the matter?
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He take my hamster!
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Please, no,
Mr. Fawlty!
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I love him!
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How could you?!
185
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He take it from my room!
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There, there.
187
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It'll be all right.
188
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,547
You can keep it
in our room.
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00:07:21,547 --> 00:07:24,387
That's right, we'll keep it
in our room, Mr. Fawlty.
190
00:07:24,387 --> 00:07:25,706
We'll look after it.
191
00:07:27,187 --> 00:07:28,415
A rat! A rat!
192
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No, no. Is Siberian Hamster,
193
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Filigree.
194
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It's all right,
195
00:07:36,427 --> 00:07:38,418
it's only a Siberian Hamster.
Just getting rid of it.
196
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:42,467
Polly, Polly!
He take my hamster.
197
00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:43,667
What?
198
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,067
Mr. Fawlty
take my hamster!
199
00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,466
He crazy,
he think is rat!
200
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,787
Manuel.
201
00:07:48,787 --> 00:07:49,776
Hmm?
202
00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:52,985
Prepare yourself
for a shock.
203
00:07:54,547 --> 00:07:56,427
- Why didn't you check?
- What?
204
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:58,467
You mean he's had it
for a whole year,
205
00:07:58,467 --> 00:07:59,587
and you've only
just found out?
206
00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:01,547
Supposing the health inspector
had seen it?
207
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:02,547
I know.
208
00:08:02,547 --> 00:08:03,947
He could have
closed us down.
209
00:08:03,947 --> 00:08:06,427
What are you going
to do with it, Basil?
210
00:08:06,427 --> 00:08:07,507
You can't keep it
in here.
211
00:08:07,507 --> 00:08:08,587
I know.
212
00:08:08,587 --> 00:08:10,027
And don't let it loose
in the garden.
213
00:08:10,027 --> 00:08:11,187
It'll come back
in the house.
214
00:08:11,187 --> 00:08:12,787
Can't we get you on
"Mastermind," Sybil?
215
00:08:12,787 --> 00:08:15,427
Next contestant,
Sybil Fawlty from Torquay,
216
00:08:15,427 --> 00:08:16,987
special subject,
the bleedin' obvious!
217
00:08:16,987 --> 00:08:19,027
I wasn't going to let it go
in the garden.
218
00:08:19,027 --> 00:08:20,827
What are you going
to do with it?
219
00:08:20,827 --> 00:08:22,387
I don't know.
I'll take it away.
220
00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:23,747
Let it go.
Give it its freedom.
221
00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:24,787
You can't do that, Basil.
222
00:08:24,787 --> 00:08:26,347
He wouldn't be able to defend himself.
223
00:08:26,347 --> 00:08:27,547
He's a rat, isn't he?
224
00:08:27,547 --> 00:08:30,427
He's domesticated,
aren't you?
225
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,347
You're domesticated,
you do all right.
226
00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:33,427
Basil!
227
00:08:33,427 --> 00:08:36,067
He won't get mugged
by a gang of field mice, will he?
228
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,427
Basil,
he's Manuel's pet.
229
00:08:38,427 --> 00:08:40,427
We have a duty to it.
230
00:08:40,427 --> 00:08:42,467
Perhaps we could find
a home for him.
231
00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:44,227
All right! I'll put
an ad in the papers!
232
00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:45,507
Wanted... kind home
233
00:08:45,507 --> 00:08:47,907
for enormous savage rodent.
234
00:08:47,907 --> 00:08:49,427
Answers to the name
of Sybil.
235
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Look, I'll take him out
into the country...
236
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:55,187
No! I cannot abide cruelty
to living creatures.
237
00:08:55,187 --> 00:08:56,867
Well, I'm a creature,
you can abide it to me.
238
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,619
You're not living.
239
00:08:59,987 --> 00:09:02,027
Look, Manuel, we were
just wondering...
240
00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:04,587
Mrs. Fawlty, please understand.
If he go, I go.
241
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,066
Well, goodbye.
242
00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:08,467
Please listen.
243
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:10,307
You know, we really
can't keep him here.
244
00:09:10,307 --> 00:09:11,387
The health inspector
wouldn't...
245
00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:14,227
Mrs. Fawlty, he here
one year, he do no harm.
246
00:09:14,227 --> 00:09:16,427
But, Manuel, listen.
If they see your rat,
247
00:09:16,427 --> 00:09:18,667
they could close
the hotel down.
248
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,107
Perhaps it would
be simplest
249
00:09:20,107 --> 00:09:22,667
to have him
put to s-l-e-e-p.
250
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,947
Who? Him or the rat?
251
00:09:25,947 --> 00:09:28,427
We might get a discount
if we had 'em both done.
252
00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,707
"Spleep"?
253
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,867
Manuel,
I've rung my friend.
254
00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:32,947
It's all right.
She'll take him.
255
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,627
She has lots
of animals,
256
00:09:34,627 --> 00:09:35,987
and it's not
far from here,
257
00:09:35,987 --> 00:09:37,307
you can go see him
whenever you want.
258
00:09:37,307 --> 00:09:38,467
Come on, we'll
take him there now.
259
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:40,667
- But he forget me!
- Rats are like that.
260
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,987
Don't get involved
with them.
261
00:09:41,987 --> 00:09:44,227
I think it's the best solution,
Manuel.
262
00:09:44,227 --> 00:09:46,297
Oh, he'll be happy.
You'll see.
263
00:09:47,307 --> 00:09:48,707
Sad, isn't it?
264
00:09:48,707 --> 00:09:51,187
Well, look at it from
the point of view of the rat.
265
00:09:51,187 --> 00:09:52,267
- What?
- Would you want
266
00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:53,707
to spend the rest
of your life
267
00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:55,425
with Manuel waiting on you?
268
00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:06,347
We've been through the cupboards,
you're doing the walls,
269
00:10:06,347 --> 00:10:07,985
Terry, the filters,
checked the fridges...
270
00:10:09,747 --> 00:10:11,419
Come here.
271
00:10:13,427 --> 00:10:14,907
Right, that's done.
272
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:16,427
Now, Sybil,
everything done here?
273
00:10:16,427 --> 00:10:18,147
Have you put the lid
on the tank, Basil?
274
00:10:18,147 --> 00:10:20,227
That's why I've been on the roof
the last 40 minutes.
275
00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:21,427
And you took
the pigeons out?
276
00:10:21,427 --> 00:10:22,907
No, I left them in.
They're nearly done.
277
00:10:22,907 --> 00:10:24,427
Now, walls?
278
00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:26,307
I've checked everything.
279
00:10:26,307 --> 00:10:27,467
Terry, the hoods.
280
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:28,667
We've done the cupboards?
281
00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:30,307
- It's all been done, Basil.
- The fridge.
282
00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:31,387
Have we got it
all separate?
283
00:10:31,387 --> 00:10:32,427
Basil, I told you,
it's all been done.
284
00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:33,467
Seals on the old fridge, the floor?
285
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,667
I've checked it.
286
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,587
Just running over
the bleeding obvious, dear.
287
00:10:36,587 --> 00:10:39,307
So, all is shipshape
and Bristol fashion, eh?
288
00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:41,025
All ready for old
snoopy drawers?
289
00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:48,067
Is this
about that rodent?
290
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,427
Leave him alone, Basil,
he's upset.
291
00:10:50,427 --> 00:10:52,427
He's not going to cheer up
mooning about like that, is he?
292
00:10:52,427 --> 00:10:53,427
Just let him be.
293
00:10:53,427 --> 00:10:55,027
It doesn't help him,
you encouraging it.
294
00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:56,347
You've got to get
his mind off it.
295
00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:58,427
Well, Manuel,
what do you think?
296
00:10:58,427 --> 00:10:59,787
Looks good,
doesn't it, eh?
297
00:10:59,787 --> 00:11:01,347
All clean
and shining bright?
298
00:11:01,347 --> 00:11:03,467
So empty, without him.
299
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:05,587
Yes, but those walls
look good, too.
300
00:11:05,587 --> 00:11:07,027
And the hoods,
gleaming like that,
301
00:11:07,027 --> 00:11:08,387
isn't that
a marvelous sight?
302
00:11:08,387 --> 00:11:10,147
Please leave me alone.
I get over it.
303
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,547
Yes, no point
in letting it get you down.
304
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:13,987
Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?
305
00:11:13,987 --> 00:11:15,547
- Don't!
- What?
306
00:11:15,547 --> 00:11:17,427
Don't hit me.
Always you hit me.
307
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,467
I'm not hitting you,
I'm trying to cheer you up.
308
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,627
Let him be, Basil.
309
00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:23,227
Look, look...
don't look at me
310
00:11:23,227 --> 00:11:24,467
with those
awful cow eyes.
311
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,427
Wh... why don't you go
to the cinema tonight?
312
00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:27,667
Why don't you
and Polly go
313
00:11:27,667 --> 00:11:28,987
to the ice rink?
314
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:31,427
Why don't you...
cheer up, for Christ's sake!
315
00:11:31,427 --> 00:11:32,587
Basil!
316
00:11:32,587 --> 00:11:35,067
I can not stand
this awful self indulgence!
317
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,027
Leave him alone,
Basil,
318
00:11:37,027 --> 00:11:38,747
he's just depressed.
319
00:11:38,747 --> 00:11:40,187
Manuel,
320
00:11:40,187 --> 00:11:43,427
my wife informs me
that you're depressed.
321
00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:44,787
Let me tell you something,
322
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:48,107
depression is
a very bad thing.
323
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,747
It's like a virus.
324
00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:52,027
If you don't stamp on it,
it spreads throughout the mind,
325
00:11:52,027 --> 00:11:53,907
and then one day,
you wake up in the morning,
326
00:11:53,907 --> 00:11:55,227
and you can't face life
anymore.
327
00:11:55,227 --> 00:11:57,787
And then you open a hotel.
328
00:11:59,307 --> 00:12:01,987
We didn't win the war
by getting depressed, you know?
329
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,267
- Manuel!
- ¿Cómo?
330
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:05,867
- Not so sad.
- No?
331
00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:06,867
No, no.
It's too much.
332
00:12:06,867 --> 00:12:08,427
- Too much?
- Much too much.
333
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,587
Just a little bit sad.
334
00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:10,947
- There's the food.
- Ah, gracias.
335
00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:12,307
Don't forget
the water.
336
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:13,987
Ahh, Terry, Terry.
Let me have a bit of that.
337
00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:15,027
That's fillet.
338
00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:16,347
Si, si,
he like it. Please.
339
00:12:16,347 --> 00:12:17,667
Want some bearnaise
with it?
340
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,464
No, no... is chostelorol.
341
00:12:33,147 --> 00:12:34,182
Shoo.
342
00:12:44,827 --> 00:12:46,226
Basil?
343
00:12:50,587 --> 00:12:52,427
Thank you, Mr. Higgins.
344
00:12:52,427 --> 00:12:54,267
Thank you.
345
00:12:54,267 --> 00:12:55,707
And here's the picture.
346
00:12:55,707 --> 00:12:56,987
What?
347
00:12:56,987 --> 00:12:59,067
The picture.
The one in your room.
348
00:12:59,067 --> 00:13:00,147
You said you liked it.
349
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,307
Uh...
Polly!
350
00:13:01,307 --> 00:13:02,747
- Shh! Wait!
- Polly.
351
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,667
No, I'm sorry.
I really don't...
352
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,187
just a fiver...
you can have it on approval.
353
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,427
Sorry.
354
00:13:08,427 --> 00:13:10,667
It's for my sister's
eye operation.
355
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,305
You bastard!
356
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,747
- Polly!
- Oh, what?
357
00:13:15,747 --> 00:13:16,947
- He gone!
- What?
358
00:13:16,947 --> 00:13:18,107
He gone! He escape!
359
00:13:18,107 --> 00:13:20,027
But how did he
get out of the cage?
360
00:13:20,027 --> 00:13:22,467
I leave door open so he
can exercise in shed.
361
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,547
You dago dodo!
362
00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:27,147
You got it all over
your front.
363
00:13:27,147 --> 00:13:28,427
¿Qué?
364
00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:29,587
- Mucho salo.
- What you do?
365
00:13:29,587 --> 00:13:30,587
Is dirty.
366
00:13:30,587 --> 00:13:32,267
Don't matter,
what about Basil?
367
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,627
Mr. Fawlty to you.
368
00:13:33,627 --> 00:13:34,787
No, no. Basil!
369
00:13:34,787 --> 00:13:36,507
Está aqui.
370
00:13:36,507 --> 00:13:37,787
Now go and clean it.
371
00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:39,907
Ah, si, si.
372
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:41,427
Jolly good, polly.
That's the way
373
00:13:41,427 --> 00:13:42,507
to snap him out of it.
374
00:13:42,507 --> 00:13:44,027
Morning, Fawlty.
375
00:13:44,027 --> 00:13:45,627
Hello, Major.
There are the papers.
376
00:13:45,627 --> 00:13:47,107
That's where I left it.
377
00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:49,147
Strike, strike, strike.
378
00:13:49,147 --> 00:13:51,427
Why do we bother,
Fawlty?
379
00:13:51,427 --> 00:13:53,418
Didn't know you did, Major.
380
00:13:59,227 --> 00:14:01,058
Boycott made a century.
381
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:07,658
Stay where you are,
old chap.
382
00:14:11,347 --> 00:14:12,905
Don't move.
383
00:14:23,227 --> 00:14:25,627
Terry, give these a rinse,
will you?
384
00:14:25,627 --> 00:14:26,987
I have.
385
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,067
Well, they're still dirty.
386
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,420
Put them
in the dishwasher.
387
00:14:47,427 --> 00:14:48,907
Do you need
any help, Major?
388
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:50,420
Don't move!
389
00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:53,186
Vermin.
390
00:14:55,507 --> 00:14:57,827
We haven't got any,
this week, Major.
391
00:14:57,827 --> 00:14:58,907
Hmm?
392
00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,427
No Germans staying
this week, Major.
393
00:15:00,427 --> 00:15:01,587
May I have that?
394
00:15:01,587 --> 00:15:03,227
Goin' to shoot him,
Fawlty.
395
00:15:03,227 --> 00:15:04,427
- Major?
- Hmm?
396
00:15:04,427 --> 00:15:06,427
Not legal actually,
anymore, murder.
397
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,147
But they're animals, Fawlty!
398
00:15:08,147 --> 00:15:10,027
Oh, yes, yes. Still,
forgive and forget, eh?
399
00:15:10,027 --> 00:15:11,427
Forgive 'em?
400
00:15:11,427 --> 00:15:12,467
Well, pretend we do.
401
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,547
But they spread disease, Fawlty.
402
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,827
He was sitting there,
on that table,
403
00:15:16,827 --> 00:15:18,427
eating the nuts,
if you please.
404
00:15:18,427 --> 00:15:19,507
He's really gone this time.
405
00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:21,587
About that size,
406
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,498
that... with the tail.
407
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:27,461
Tail?
408
00:15:28,507 --> 00:15:29,547
What did you say he was?
409
00:15:29,547 --> 00:15:31,902
Vermin.
A dirty rat.
410
00:15:36,147 --> 00:15:37,347
How long ago?
411
00:15:37,347 --> 00:15:38,347
About two minutes ago.
412
00:15:38,347 --> 00:15:40,347
Stay there, Major.
Stay there.
413
00:15:40,347 --> 00:15:41,747
If you see him, give me a shout.
414
00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:43,100
Will do.
415
00:15:48,707 --> 00:15:52,336
I'm just cleaning
behind the fridge, Mr. Fawlty.
416
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,427
Basil.
417
00:15:56,427 --> 00:15:59,027
Basil... Cheesies.
418
00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:01,867
- Bas...
- Yes?
419
00:16:01,867 --> 00:16:03,347
Here I am!
420
00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:05,427
- Hello, Mr. Fawlty.
- That's for me, is it?
421
00:16:05,427 --> 00:16:06,906
Thank you. Hmm.
422
00:16:08,387 --> 00:16:09,987
Shall I get you some more?
There's plenty...
423
00:16:09,987 --> 00:16:11,227
He's called Basil,
is he?
424
00:16:11,227 --> 00:16:12,947
Don't play dumb with me.
I trusted you.
425
00:16:12,947 --> 00:16:14,427
You're responsible
for this.
426
00:16:14,427 --> 00:16:16,187
"My friend will look
after him, Mr. Fawlty!"
427
00:16:16,187 --> 00:16:17,415
Just...
428
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,027
Come on.
Come on out.
429
00:16:23,027 --> 00:16:24,426
Come on.
Basil's here.
430
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,187
Have you got him?
431
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,267
He's under there.
432
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:29,541
Right.
I'll get him.
433
00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:33,387
Cleaning
behind the fridge?
434
00:16:33,387 --> 00:16:34,907
Well, you've got
a lot on your mind.
435
00:16:34,907 --> 00:16:36,027
We didn't want
to worry you, Mr. F...
436
00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:37,507
What do you mean?
A public health inspector
437
00:16:37,507 --> 00:16:39,907
coming after a 24 hour warning
and a rat loose in the hotel,
438
00:16:39,907 --> 00:16:41,227
is that what you mean?
439
00:16:41,227 --> 00:16:42,947
He must have escaped,
Mr. Fawlty, and come back.
440
00:16:42,947 --> 00:16:44,307
Come back?
441
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,979
They home.
442
00:16:47,427 --> 00:16:49,587
Oh, I see.
He's a homing rat, is he?
443
00:16:49,587 --> 00:16:51,307
Oh yeah.
444
00:16:51,307 --> 00:16:53,787
Rats are amazing creatures,
Mr. Fawlty.
445
00:16:53,787 --> 00:16:55,147
I read about one once.
446
00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:57,147
His owner had gone
down to Penzance...
447
00:16:57,147 --> 00:16:58,427
Yes, yes.
I read about that.
448
00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:00,147
When the chef got filleted
with his own carving knife?
449
00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:02,467
No, honest,
scout's honor.
450
00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:03,747
We'll find him, Mr. Fawlty!
451
00:17:03,747 --> 00:17:05,227
Well, if you could.
That would be lovely,
452
00:17:05,227 --> 00:17:06,907
before they close us down.
Super!
453
00:17:06,907 --> 00:17:08,907
Well, let's have
a little Basil hunt, shall we?
454
00:17:08,907 --> 00:17:10,467
And then we'll deal
with the sackings later on.
455
00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:12,347
- I'll do the cellar.
- I'll do this floor.
456
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:13,347
Manuel, you check
your room.
457
00:17:13,347 --> 00:17:15,187
Start in the bar.
He was there two minutes ago.
458
00:17:15,187 --> 00:17:16,415
I'll do the kitchen.
459
00:17:17,547 --> 00:17:18,821
I've done all them.
460
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:49,147
Oh, Mr. Carnegie.
Good morning.
461
00:17:49,147 --> 00:17:50,421
Good morning,
Mrs. Fawlty.
462
00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:54,627
Hello.
Nice to see you.
463
00:17:54,627 --> 00:17:57,227
Would you like coffee
before we adjourn to...
464
00:17:57,227 --> 00:17:59,427
No, thank you. If we start
upstairs with the water tanks.
465
00:17:59,427 --> 00:18:00,787
- Ah, good idea.
- What?
466
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:02,467
Good thinking,
about starting upstairs.
467
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:04,427
Sybil, would you like
to show Mr. Carnegie up?
468
00:18:04,427 --> 00:18:05,427
I was just
going to, Basil.
469
00:18:05,427 --> 00:18:07,227
And I'll keep an eye
on things down here,
470
00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:08,421
find something
to get on with.
471
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,702
(gun shots)
472
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,227
God! What was that?
473
00:18:11,227 --> 00:18:13,787
Bloody television
exploding again.
474
00:18:13,787 --> 00:18:15,427
I'll deal with it,
you go upstairs.
475
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,627
That was a gun!
476
00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:19,460
Yes, it did sound
like it, didn't it?
477
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,227
Moths.
478
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,067
What is going on here?
479
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:27,027
I'll get him!
480
00:18:27,027 --> 00:18:29,107
He'll come back
for the nuts, you know?
481
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:31,427
He was sniffing
around here just now.
482
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:32,747
Sorry,
sorry, Major.
483
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:34,947
It wasn't the television at all.
It was just this gun.
484
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,787
I'll put it under lock and key
straightaway.
485
00:18:36,787 --> 00:18:38,987
Why was he firing it
in the hotel?
486
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,187
Shooting starlings.
487
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,227
In the bar?
488
00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:42,467
Through the window.
I'll lock it away.
489
00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:44,267
- Is it licensed?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
490
00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:46,467
You do realize that under
the health and safety act
491
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,227
it is your responsibility?
492
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,307
Oh, yes.
I'm terribly sorry.
493
00:18:49,307 --> 00:18:50,907
It's never happened
before, Mr. Carnegie.
494
00:18:50,907 --> 00:18:53,547
I'll have to notify the police, of course.
They will take steps.
495
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:55,307
¿Qué? Polly,
¿Qué ha pasado?
496
00:18:55,307 --> 00:18:57,227
- It's all right, Manuel.
- Is he all right?
497
00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:58,427
- Yes.
- He no dead?
498
00:18:58,427 --> 00:19:00,147
No, it was just the Major
letting the gun off.
499
00:19:00,147 --> 00:19:02,427
The Major tried
to kill Basil?!
500
00:19:02,427 --> 00:19:03,747
Kill Basil?!
501
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:06,427
No, not Mr. Fawlty.
I mean Basil, my little...
502
00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:07,947
Ratatouille!
503
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,187
Basil.
The little...
504
00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:10,667
Ratatouille.
505
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,547
The chef calls
the Ratatouille Basil,
506
00:19:12,547 --> 00:19:14,822
because he puts
quite a lot of basil in it.
507
00:19:15,907 --> 00:19:18,027
He put Basil
in the Ratatouille?
508
00:19:18,027 --> 00:19:19,460
Yes!
509
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:28,101
He's from Barcelona.
510
00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:35,347
You know,
typical Latin, really.
511
00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:36,467
Would you like to...
512
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,987
- Why you do this?
- I 'aven't, I 'aven't!
513
00:19:38,987 --> 00:19:40,747
Polly say you put Basil
in ratatouille.
514
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,427
I haven't made
any bleeding ratatouille!
515
00:19:43,427 --> 00:19:44,587
Manuel!
516
00:19:44,587 --> 00:19:46,427
Well, why you say he put
Basil in ratatouille?
517
00:19:46,427 --> 00:19:48,427
I had to say something.
That was the health inspector.
518
00:19:48,427 --> 00:19:49,507
Now, will you calm down?
519
00:19:49,507 --> 00:19:51,347
- Where is he?
- Oh, I don't know!
520
00:19:51,347 --> 00:19:53,067
- Perhaps he dead.
- Oh, 'e's all right.
521
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,227
Give us the veal.
I've got to get lunch ready.
522
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,427
How you know
he's all right?
523
00:19:56,427 --> 00:19:59,067
The Major fire his gun,
perhaps he hit. I find him!
524
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,067
Sorry, Polly.
525
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,707
Oh, pick 'em up quick,
before 'e gets in here.
526
00:20:03,707 --> 00:20:05,987
That's it, Major.
You've nearly got it.
527
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,707
The thing is,
not a word about rats.
528
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,427
You were shooting
a starling, all right?
529
00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:10,427
- A starling.
- Yes.
530
00:20:10,427 --> 00:20:11,587
- Through the window.
- Right.
531
00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:14,427
But, Fawlty, how did
the starling get in the bar?
532
00:20:14,427 --> 00:20:16,387
No, no, no.
You were in the bar.
533
00:20:16,387 --> 00:20:17,427
- I was in the bar?
- Yes!
534
00:20:17,427 --> 00:20:18,547
Yes, I was!
535
00:20:18,547 --> 00:20:20,307
And the starling was
in the garden,
536
00:20:20,307 --> 00:20:22,227
and the rat was
nowhere at all.
537
00:20:22,227 --> 00:20:23,296
Well, I didn't see him.
538
00:20:24,427 --> 00:20:26,667
Say good night
to the folks, Gracie.
539
00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:28,187
All right, Terry.
Everything under control?
540
00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:29,427
Yeah. Is he still...?
541
00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:31,427
No, he started upstairs.
God knows where that rat is.
542
00:20:31,427 --> 00:20:32,496
Tch! Oh, puss.
543
00:20:35,427 --> 00:20:36,747
Come on, puss.
544
00:20:36,747 --> 00:20:38,942
Out you go.
545
00:20:43,427 --> 00:20:45,224
Oh, uh... I put some...
546
00:20:46,427 --> 00:20:47,427
- Terry?
- Yeah?
547
00:20:47,427 --> 00:20:49,307
There was a piece
of veal down here.
548
00:20:49,307 --> 00:20:50,747
Yeah, I got 'em
all up, Mr. Fawlty.
549
00:20:50,747 --> 00:20:52,907
- What?
- We picked 'em all up.
550
00:20:52,907 --> 00:20:54,307
Got the veals, Terry?
551
00:20:54,307 --> 00:20:55,307
Yeah, here they are, Poll.
552
00:20:55,307 --> 00:20:56,427
Terry, listen to me.
553
00:20:56,427 --> 00:20:57,907
What do you mean,
"You picked them all up"?
554
00:20:57,907 --> 00:20:59,659
Manuel knocked 'em over.
We picked 'em all up.
555
00:21:01,187 --> 00:21:03,107
- Oh, my God!
- What's the matter?
556
00:21:03,107 --> 00:21:05,416
One of them's got
rat poison on it.
557
00:21:08,507 --> 00:21:10,387
Sorry, sorry!
558
00:21:10,387 --> 00:21:11,947
Veal's off, sorry.
559
00:21:11,947 --> 00:21:13,347
That's veal?
560
00:21:13,347 --> 00:21:14,427
No, no, this is...
veal substitute.
561
00:21:14,427 --> 00:21:16,107
We're giving it a try,
562
00:21:16,107 --> 00:21:17,947
and it's a bit of a disappointment,
I'm afraid.
563
00:21:17,947 --> 00:21:19,427
In fact, it's
no substitute at all.
564
00:21:19,427 --> 00:21:20,826
Polly, would you take
the order again, please?
565
00:21:22,187 --> 00:21:23,667
Thank you,
thank you so much.
566
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,147
I'm sorry about that.
567
00:21:25,147 --> 00:21:26,507
Would you like the lamb
or the plaice?
568
00:21:26,507 --> 00:21:27,987
Veal substitute?
569
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:31,147
Well, it's Japanese, actually,
570
00:21:31,147 --> 00:21:33,947
soya beans
and essence of cow.
571
00:21:33,947 --> 00:21:35,707
Seals?
572
00:21:35,707 --> 00:21:37,627
We've moved all the meat
into this one,
573
00:21:37,627 --> 00:21:39,140
and we've put
the confectionery...
574
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,827
Ahem! A bottle of
the beaujolais, please.
575
00:21:42,827 --> 00:21:44,227
Certainly.
576
00:21:44,227 --> 00:21:46,467
- And the wash handbasin?
- We ordered it yesterday.
577
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:49,467
Here's the acknowledgement
of the order.
578
00:21:49,467 --> 00:21:51,547
Well, it would appear
that this kitchen
579
00:21:51,547 --> 00:21:53,707
is now in a satisfactory condition.
580
00:21:53,707 --> 00:21:57,187
- I shall be writing to confirm...
- (crashing)
581
00:21:57,187 --> 00:21:59,107
Sorry, it slipped.
582
00:21:59,107 --> 00:22:01,467
...the outstanding points,
583
00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:02,827
and someone
will be dropping in
584
00:22:02,827 --> 00:22:04,547
to carry out a future
random inspection
585
00:22:04,547 --> 00:22:06,947
to make sure these standards
are being maintained.
586
00:22:06,947 --> 00:22:09,227
- Thank you.
- Marvelous.
587
00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:10,827
It's 10 to 1:00.
588
00:22:10,827 --> 00:22:12,587
I'd like to take lunch
here, if I may?
589
00:22:12,587 --> 00:22:14,427
Certainly, Mr. Carnegie.
590
00:22:14,427 --> 00:22:15,827
I couldn't help noticing
591
00:22:15,827 --> 00:22:17,427
you had some veal
over here...
592
00:22:17,427 --> 00:22:19,383
(crashing)
593
00:22:20,427 --> 00:22:21,627
Veal?
594
00:22:21,627 --> 00:22:23,027
Yes, it's Dutch.
595
00:22:23,027 --> 00:22:25,707
It's not Dutch, actually.
It's Norwegian.
596
00:22:25,707 --> 00:22:27,107
- Norwegian?
- Yes.
597
00:22:27,107 --> 00:22:28,427
Not the absolute apex,
quite honestly.
598
00:22:28,427 --> 00:22:30,387
Terry, the veal is Dutch,
isn't it?
599
00:22:30,387 --> 00:22:31,987
Norwegian, Mrs. Fawlty.
600
00:22:31,987 --> 00:22:34,427
I've been in this
business 20 years,
601
00:22:34,427 --> 00:22:36,427
I've never heard
of Norwegian veal.
602
00:22:36,427 --> 00:22:37,907
They've only just
branched into it.
603
00:22:37,907 --> 00:22:39,427
I don't think
it's a winner, frankly,
604
00:22:39,427 --> 00:22:40,707
more of a veal substitute.
605
00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:42,987
It's got a lot of air pockets
in it, that sort of thing.
606
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,387
- The lamb is Dutch.
- Dutch?
607
00:22:44,387 --> 00:22:45,587
English, I mean.
We call it Dutch 'cause
608
00:22:45,587 --> 00:22:47,067
it's as good as the veal.
Better, honestly.
609
00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,107
- I prefer the veal.
- How about lobster?
610
00:22:49,107 --> 00:22:50,947
Would you prefer lobster?
A couple of lobsters?
611
00:22:50,947 --> 00:22:52,427
It's frightfully good
at the moment.
612
00:22:52,427 --> 00:22:53,547
It's not expensive
this week.
613
00:22:53,547 --> 00:22:55,187
We've got so much,
we're having a sale
614
00:22:55,187 --> 00:22:57,507
to try and shift it all.
75p each, two for £1.
615
00:22:57,507 --> 00:22:58,707
Can't say fairer than that.
616
00:22:58,707 --> 00:23:00,267
Just the veal.
617
00:23:00,267 --> 00:23:02,027
If you like the veal... perhaps
you'd prefer the chicken?
618
00:23:02,027 --> 00:23:03,347
Basil, he wants the veal.
619
00:23:03,347 --> 00:23:05,307
Could I make a phone call?
620
00:23:05,307 --> 00:23:07,267
Yes, of course.
Through here.
621
00:23:07,267 --> 00:23:09,387
What's all this about
rat poison on the veal?
622
00:23:09,387 --> 00:23:10,667
He's put rat poison
on one,
623
00:23:10,667 --> 00:23:11,827
they've got mixed up,
624
00:23:11,827 --> 00:23:13,267
and nobody knows
which is which now.
625
00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:15,147
Well, what happened
to the one the cat ate?
626
00:23:15,147 --> 00:23:16,787
- The cat?!
- That's no good.
627
00:23:16,787 --> 00:23:18,707
That might have poison
on it too.
628
00:23:18,707 --> 00:23:20,747
- Well, where is it?
- What?
629
00:23:20,747 --> 00:23:22,667
Where's the cat's slice?
630
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:24,187
Up here.
631
00:23:24,187 --> 00:23:26,867
Right. Now, how's the cat?
632
00:23:26,867 --> 00:23:29,347
How's the cat?
633
00:23:29,347 --> 00:23:31,867
We're about to take the life
of a public health inspector
634
00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:33,947
and you want to know
"How's the cat?"!
635
00:23:33,947 --> 00:23:35,947
It's gone to London
to see the queen!
636
00:23:35,947 --> 00:23:37,427
What are we going to do?
637
00:23:37,427 --> 00:23:38,547
- He's all right!
- Great!
638
00:23:38,547 --> 00:23:40,707
Hooray! Hooray!
The cat lives!
639
00:23:40,707 --> 00:23:42,467
The cat lives!
Long live the cat!
640
00:23:42,467 --> 00:23:43,987
What are we
going to do?!
641
00:23:43,987 --> 00:23:44,987
Mr. Fawlty,
642
00:23:44,987 --> 00:23:46,627
if the cat is all right,
643
00:23:46,627 --> 00:23:49,187
that means
that slice is all right.
644
00:23:49,187 --> 00:23:51,027
But how long would
it take to work?
645
00:23:51,027 --> 00:23:52,307
That stuff?
Two minutes.
646
00:23:52,307 --> 00:23:53,987
He had this
10 minutes ago at least.
647
00:23:53,987 --> 00:23:55,427
It's a bit chewed there.
648
00:23:55,427 --> 00:23:56,746
I'll give it a trim.
649
00:24:00,027 --> 00:24:02,427
You're driving over
to Babbacombe this afternoon?
650
00:24:02,427 --> 00:24:04,497
Yes, we're...
651
00:24:06,067 --> 00:24:08,467
What is a plate
of veal doing there?
652
00:24:08,467 --> 00:24:11,425
I'll just relieve you
of it, shall I?
653
00:24:13,027 --> 00:24:14,507
Do sit down,
Mr. Carnegie.
654
00:24:14,507 --> 00:24:15,507
He just has, Basil.
655
00:24:15,507 --> 00:24:16,507
On a plate of veal.
656
00:24:16,507 --> 00:24:18,187
- Has it put you off?
- What?
657
00:24:18,187 --> 00:24:19,427
Has it put you
off the veal? At all?
658
00:24:19,427 --> 00:24:21,427
I'm not eating that one,
if that's what you mean.
659
00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:23,427
Stop! Halt!
660
00:24:23,427 --> 00:24:25,707
Sorry, I think there
might be another one.
661
00:24:25,707 --> 00:24:26,867
Excuse me.
662
00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:28,619
Ah, yes.
Lucky guess.
663
00:24:29,987 --> 00:24:32,307
Well, who's responsible
for putting them there?
664
00:24:32,307 --> 00:24:33,627
Manuel,
our Spanish waiter.
665
00:24:33,627 --> 00:24:35,347
Thank you.
666
00:24:35,347 --> 00:24:37,387
Now, would you
care to take
667
00:24:37,387 --> 00:24:39,147
a seat right here?
Please.
668
00:24:39,147 --> 00:24:41,307
- Does he do it often?
- Oh no, no.
669
00:24:41,307 --> 00:24:43,427
It's the first time.
Sometimes looks as if he's going to.
670
00:24:43,427 --> 00:24:44,627
We always catch him,
of course.
671
00:24:44,627 --> 00:24:46,507
Here's your veal,
Mr. Carnegie,
672
00:24:46,507 --> 00:24:48,587
- And one green salad.
- Thank you.
673
00:24:48,587 --> 00:24:50,418
Ah, bon.
Good appetit.
674
00:24:55,507 --> 00:24:56,622
Well done, Terry.
675
00:25:00,547 --> 00:25:03,539
(breathing deeply)
676
00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:06,986
(cat meows, hacks)
677
00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:15,385
Sorry, not hot enough.
678
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,427
Not big enough, sorry.
679
00:25:18,427 --> 00:25:20,027
- What?
- Not big enough, sorry.
680
00:25:20,027 --> 00:25:21,426
Excuse me.
Really, Polly!
681
00:25:27,787 --> 00:25:28,787
What are you doing?!
682
00:25:28,787 --> 00:25:30,587
Well, if that's the one,
these are okay.
683
00:25:30,587 --> 00:25:32,227
- What?
- If that's the poison one,
684
00:25:32,227 --> 00:25:33,421
these are all right.
685
00:25:35,427 --> 00:25:36,427
Brilliant!
686
00:25:36,427 --> 00:25:38,587
Great, right.
Okay.
687
00:25:38,587 --> 00:25:39,627
Basil, what
is going on?
688
00:25:39,627 --> 00:25:41,427
That was the poisoned one.
The cat had it.
689
00:25:41,427 --> 00:25:42,907
The cat!
690
00:25:42,907 --> 00:25:44,507
Poisoned?
691
00:25:44,507 --> 00:25:47,507
Yes, so that one...
must be okay, hmm?
692
00:25:47,507 --> 00:25:48,947
Basil...
693
00:25:48,947 --> 00:25:50,987
Sorry, just getting you
a proper sized one.
694
00:25:50,987 --> 00:25:52,507
It was big enough.
It was all I wanted.
695
00:25:52,507 --> 00:25:53,867
Well, it could have
been a bit hotter.
696
00:25:53,867 --> 00:25:55,747
- Well, not much, but...
- Look...
697
00:25:55,747 --> 00:25:57,747
Yes, yes. It's just coming.
Won't be a second.
698
00:25:57,747 --> 00:25:59,419
Manuel, would you...
699
00:26:00,627 --> 00:26:03,427
Here.
700
00:26:03,427 --> 00:26:05,427
- What?
- Look, he's all right. Look!
701
00:26:05,427 --> 00:26:07,507
- He can't be.
- Well, he is.
702
00:26:07,507 --> 00:26:08,507
Here ya are, Poll.
703
00:26:08,507 --> 00:26:10,067
- Oh.
- He can't be!
704
00:26:10,067 --> 00:26:11,267
What do you mean?
705
00:26:11,267 --> 00:26:12,427
He was vomiting.
706
00:26:12,427 --> 00:26:13,416
Vomiting?
707
00:26:16,147 --> 00:26:17,667
That's just fur balls, Basil.
708
00:26:17,667 --> 00:26:19,627
- What?!
- That's just fur balls.
709
00:26:19,627 --> 00:26:22,107
He does that all the time
in the summer.
710
00:26:22,107 --> 00:26:23,427
But... but if
he's all right,
711
00:26:23,427 --> 00:26:25,107
that one might...
712
00:26:25,107 --> 00:26:26,707
Polly, Polly!
Too much.
713
00:26:26,707 --> 00:26:27,947
What?
714
00:26:27,947 --> 00:26:29,427
Too much. Too much
of a good thing
715
00:26:29,427 --> 00:26:31,307
always leaves one wanting less,
I always find.
716
00:26:31,307 --> 00:26:32,867
- Ugh.
- What's wrong now?
717
00:26:32,867 --> 00:26:34,027
We wouldn't want
you to think
718
00:26:34,027 --> 00:26:35,187
that just because
you were one
719
00:26:35,187 --> 00:26:36,387
of her Majesty's
civil servants,
720
00:26:36,387 --> 00:26:37,907
we were showing you
any excess favoritism.
721
00:26:37,907 --> 00:26:39,147
I'm sure you
wouldn't want that.
722
00:26:39,147 --> 00:26:42,867
Oh! So you're
the rat inspector!
723
00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:45,667
Sorry, Fawlty!
Starling inspector.
724
00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:47,305
Starling inspector?
725
00:26:52,427 --> 00:26:54,427
- One for you.
- Thank you.
726
00:26:54,427 --> 00:26:55,780
- And one for you.
- Thank you.
727
00:27:04,747 --> 00:27:06,267
Do you mind?
728
00:27:06,267 --> 00:27:07,467
¿Qué?
729
00:27:07,467 --> 00:27:11,983
We'll have one Windsor soup,
one paté, please.
730
00:27:14,427 --> 00:27:15,627
One Windsor...
731
00:27:15,627 --> 00:27:16,742
Shh!
732
00:27:18,587 --> 00:27:20,147
If the cat's slice
is all right,
733
00:27:20,147 --> 00:27:21,427
that might be
the poisoned one.
734
00:27:21,427 --> 00:27:22,707
- No, no.
- Yes, he's right.
735
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,227
And if the cat's one
is all right...
736
00:27:24,227 --> 00:27:25,227
Which it is...
737
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,427
We can give him
that, can't we?
738
00:27:26,427 --> 00:27:27,427
Right!
739
00:27:27,427 --> 00:27:28,507
- Mr. Fawlty?
- Shut up!
740
00:27:28,507 --> 00:27:30,227
But, Terry,
that's got things on it.
741
00:27:30,227 --> 00:27:31,507
That's all right,
Mrs. Fawlty.
742
00:27:31,507 --> 00:27:32,667
What the eye
don't see,
743
00:27:32,667 --> 00:27:33,987
the chef
gets away with.
744
00:27:33,987 --> 00:27:34,987
- Mr. Fawlty?
- What is it?!
745
00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:35,987
Table seven!
746
00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:36,976
- What?
- Basil!
747
00:27:39,347 --> 00:27:41,067
Sorry,
it's just coming.
748
00:27:41,067 --> 00:27:42,547
- Excuse me.
- Of course,
749
00:27:42,547 --> 00:27:44,387
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon, madam.
750
00:27:44,387 --> 00:27:46,427
I was just trying to give
an order to your waiter,
751
00:27:46,427 --> 00:27:48,179
and he walked away
while I was doing it.
752
00:27:51,067 --> 00:27:52,227
Hmm?
753
00:27:52,227 --> 00:27:54,058
He wasn't paying
attention at all.
754
00:27:56,747 --> 00:27:58,419
I'm so sorry.
What were you saying?
755
00:27:59,587 --> 00:28:01,107
The waiter
wasn't listening
756
00:28:01,107 --> 00:28:03,107
when I was
giving him our order.
757
00:28:03,107 --> 00:28:05,427
He seemed more interested
in my fianceé's legs.
758
00:28:05,427 --> 00:28:07,418
Really? May I?
759
00:28:12,427 --> 00:28:13,547
I don't think so.
760
00:28:13,547 --> 00:28:15,587
In fact, I think there's
a bread roll down there.
761
00:28:15,587 --> 00:28:17,227
May I give my order?
762
00:28:17,227 --> 00:28:18,427
Oh, please.
Of course.
763
00:28:18,427 --> 00:28:21,021
We'd like one Windsor soup
and one paté, and then a...
764
00:28:23,427 --> 00:28:25,107
Just doing
my shoelace up.
765
00:28:25,107 --> 00:28:26,547
Are you going
to take my order?
766
00:28:26,547 --> 00:28:28,427
Yes. Polly,
would you take...
767
00:28:28,427 --> 00:28:30,347
take the order here,
please, on this table?
768
00:28:30,347 --> 00:28:31,427
Thank you so much.
769
00:28:31,427 --> 00:28:34,147
We'd like
one Windsor soup.
770
00:28:34,147 --> 00:28:35,787
One Windsor.
771
00:28:35,787 --> 00:28:36,947
One paté.
772
00:28:36,947 --> 00:28:38,107
He's there,
he's there.
773
00:28:38,107 --> 00:28:39,347
- What?
- They're there.
774
00:28:39,347 --> 00:28:40,427
What do you mean,
"They're there"?
775
00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:41,427
It's all there.
776
00:28:41,427 --> 00:28:42,987
There, there,
there, and there.
777
00:28:42,987 --> 00:28:44,427
All there
for your enjoyment.
778
00:28:44,427 --> 00:28:45,427
And one paté?
779
00:28:45,427 --> 00:28:47,427
Manuel, would you get
the bread roll, please?
780
00:28:47,427 --> 00:28:49,347
No, no, no.
Get the box!
781
00:28:49,347 --> 00:28:52,427
We have a box,
a bread box.
782
00:28:52,427 --> 00:28:54,467
For any bread
that has gone past its prime.
783
00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:56,427
And you'd
both like the...
784
00:28:56,427 --> 00:28:57,547
The veal.
785
00:28:57,547 --> 00:28:59,387
The veal's off,
I'm afraid.
786
00:28:59,387 --> 00:29:01,627
How can it be?
You've only just started.
787
00:29:01,627 --> 00:29:03,427
- Shh, shh!
- Don't "shh" me!
788
00:29:03,427 --> 00:29:05,907
Sorry, but the veal is,
in fact, off.
789
00:29:05,907 --> 00:29:07,747
It was never really on.
That's a misprint.
790
00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:10,227
- A misprint?
- Yes. It should say...
791
00:29:10,227 --> 00:29:11,421
Eel.
792
00:29:12,467 --> 00:29:13,787
Eel scallop...
793
00:29:13,787 --> 00:29:15,587
Oh, stop it, will you?
Just leave it!
794
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,067
Wait until
after the meal!
795
00:29:17,067 --> 00:29:18,547
No. We have
to get it, I'm afraid.
796
00:29:18,547 --> 00:29:20,267
Health regulations,
before it molds.
797
00:29:20,267 --> 00:29:21,427
Well, I'll get it then.
798
00:29:21,427 --> 00:29:23,307
No, no! Please.
Please, allow us.
799
00:29:23,307 --> 00:29:24,427
All part of the service.
800
00:29:24,427 --> 00:29:26,067
So that's one paté,
801
00:29:26,067 --> 00:29:28,023
and one Windsor... soup!
802
00:29:31,427 --> 00:29:33,587
Here's your veal,
Mr. Carnegie.
803
00:29:33,587 --> 00:29:35,547
Sorry for the delay.
804
00:29:35,547 --> 00:29:37,427
He's just
been given veal!
805
00:29:37,427 --> 00:29:39,427
Uh, no, no.
That's veal substitute.
806
00:29:39,427 --> 00:29:41,307
- Veal substitute?
- It's not very good.
807
00:29:41,307 --> 00:29:42,747
It got rather
held up on the boat.
808
00:29:42,747 --> 00:29:44,147
On the way over from...
809
00:29:44,147 --> 00:29:45,427
- Japan.
- Norway.
810
00:29:45,427 --> 00:29:47,267
It's a sort of a...
811
00:29:47,267 --> 00:29:49,867
Japo-Scandinavian
imitation veal substitute,
812
00:29:49,867 --> 00:29:51,427
and I'm afraid that's
the last slice, anyway.
813
00:29:51,427 --> 00:29:52,587
We're leaving.
814
00:29:52,587 --> 00:29:54,067
Okay, if you insist.
815
00:29:54,067 --> 00:29:55,547
By all means.
Be my guest. Thank you.
816
00:29:55,547 --> 00:29:56,747
I want a taxi.
817
00:29:56,747 --> 00:29:58,027
Polly, would you
arrange a taxi, please?
818
00:29:58,027 --> 00:29:59,427
It's in the bag.
819
00:29:59,427 --> 00:30:00,467
- Is your veal...
- In her bag!
820
00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:02,067
In her bag?
821
00:30:02,067 --> 00:30:03,420
- What?
- Excuse me.
822
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:07,067
Do you know where
you're going to?
823
00:30:07,067 --> 00:30:08,898
Can you recommend
a restaurant?
824
00:30:10,427 --> 00:30:13,427
Yes, of course.
What sort of...
825
00:30:13,427 --> 00:30:15,427
Where is somewhere that serves
really good veal, Polly?
826
00:30:15,427 --> 00:30:17,427
- Somewhere in the...
- Oh, veal. Yes, of course.
827
00:30:17,427 --> 00:30:19,307
A really good restaurant.
828
00:30:19,307 --> 00:30:20,707
Wait, just a minute,
because l...
829
00:30:20,707 --> 00:30:22,667
I do remember a place
where I had some
830
00:30:22,667 --> 00:30:24,587
really good veal once.
831
00:30:24,587 --> 00:30:26,427
Only I just can't think
of the name of it...
832
00:30:26,427 --> 00:30:27,987
It was, umm... ooh!
833
00:30:27,987 --> 00:30:30,227
La-di-da.
834
00:30:30,227 --> 00:30:32,422
Did you see "Annie Hall"?
835
00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:34,747
La-di-da.
836
00:30:34,747 --> 00:30:35,975
Annie who?
837
00:30:37,267 --> 00:30:38,627
What are you doing?
838
00:30:38,627 --> 00:30:41,067
- What?
- He had his hand in my bag!
839
00:30:41,067 --> 00:30:42,947
- What?
- No, no, l...
840
00:30:42,947 --> 00:30:44,147
You know something?
841
00:30:44,147 --> 00:30:47,427
You're getting my dander up,
you grotty little man!
842
00:30:47,427 --> 00:30:49,427
You're asking
for a bunch of fives!
843
00:30:49,427 --> 00:30:50,427
Bomb scare!
844
00:30:50,427 --> 00:30:51,747
What?
845
00:30:51,747 --> 00:30:53,147
There's been a bomb scare.
846
00:30:53,147 --> 00:30:54,427
- A bomb scare?
- Yes.
847
00:30:54,427 --> 00:30:56,427
Yes. That's why he was
searching in your bag.
848
00:30:56,427 --> 00:30:57,547
He didn't want to alarm you.
849
00:30:57,547 --> 00:30:59,587
- May I?
- Well, I don't...
850
00:30:59,587 --> 00:31:00,587
Just one moment.
851
00:31:00,587 --> 00:31:01,987
We had a call, you see.
852
00:31:01,987 --> 00:31:03,267
Well, shouldn't
you get everybody out?
853
00:31:03,267 --> 00:31:04,667
That's why we were looking
under your table.
854
00:31:04,667 --> 00:31:06,225
We just didn't want
to draw attention...
855
00:31:13,667 --> 00:31:14,895
Uh, waiter.
856
00:31:17,187 --> 00:31:18,427
Waiter?
857
00:31:18,427 --> 00:31:19,701
Un momentito.
858
00:31:25,547 --> 00:31:26,747
Si?
859
00:31:26,747 --> 00:31:28,977
Some cheese and biscuits
and a coffee, please.
860
00:31:36,387 --> 00:31:37,427
Anything to follow?
861
00:31:37,427 --> 00:31:39,387
I've ordered some cheese
and a coffee.
862
00:31:39,387 --> 00:31:41,827
Certainly.
Coffee, please, Sybil.
863
00:31:41,827 --> 00:31:44,067
Here we are,
Mr. Carnegie.
864
00:31:44,067 --> 00:31:46,267
Polly, would you get
the biscuits, please?
865
00:31:46,267 --> 00:31:48,027
Here they are,
Fawlty.
866
00:31:48,027 --> 00:31:50,347
Cheddar, Danish bleu, edam?
867
00:31:50,347 --> 00:31:51,467
A little Danish bleu, please.
868
00:31:51,467 --> 00:31:53,185
Certainly.
869
00:31:58,827 --> 00:32:00,627
- Edam?
- No, thank you.
870
00:32:00,627 --> 00:32:02,060
Biscuits?
871
00:32:15,187 --> 00:32:17,655
Would you care for rat?
872
00:32:20,027 --> 00:32:22,461
Just the biscuits
then, please, Polly.
873
00:32:27,907 --> 00:32:28,896
Black or white?
874
00:32:30,427 --> 00:32:32,747
Black or white?
875
00:32:32,747 --> 00:32:33,907
Black, please.
876
00:32:33,907 --> 00:32:35,107
Was that a...
877
00:32:35,107 --> 00:32:36,267
There we are.
878
00:32:36,267 --> 00:32:38,223
Here are the biscuits.
879
00:32:39,427 --> 00:32:41,895
Cream crackers,
digestives?
880
00:32:45,427 --> 00:32:47,941
I'm afraid it's started
to rain again.
881
00:32:52,467 --> 00:32:54,856
(closing theme music)