1 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,800 Yes, is that the Wogan show? 2 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,998 Yes, I'd like to speak to somebody in charge, please. 3 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,230 All right, then, get me anybody. 4 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,788 Oh, hello, Terry. 5 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,555 Yeah, Ralph Filthy here, theatrical agent. 6 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,519 Who do I represent? Er... 7 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,553 Er, sorry, crossed line there. Now, listen... 8 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,949 Listen, Terry, I'm a big fan. 9 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,713 Yes, yes, love the little looks to camera. 10 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,552 Yeah, very sexy. 11 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,392 Very come hither. 12 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,436 Yeah, very come hither 13 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,957 and screw me to the wall you whirlwind of sauce, you. 14 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,758 No, I mean it. 15 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,469 Now, Terry, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, would I? 16 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,120 Yeah. Now, Terry, I've got this book 17 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,509 and I was hoping to plug it on your show. 18 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,153 Yeah, well... 19 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,435 it's more of a manual really, yeah. 20 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,312 Yeah, yes, it is quite dirty 21 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,516 but it's not tacky. 22 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,558 No. No way is it tacky. 23 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,315 It's more of a sort of a social service, really. 24 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,109 Yeah, Going It Alone, I Did It My Way. 25 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,834 It's a sort of single person's guide to sex, really. 26 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,351 Oh. 27 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,755 Gloria Hunniford. 28 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,433 Oh, stop sighing, Eddie. 29 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,638 I'm not sighing. 30 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,517 Pardon me, but I think you are sighing. 31 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,556 I'm not. 32 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,239 I'm idly collecting phlegm at the back of my throat 33 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,754 and when I've got enough... 34 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,229 I'm going to gob at you. 35 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,271 Wouldn't blame you if you were sighing, actually. 36 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,239 The hours are not exactly charging by at the mome. 37 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,959 No work, 38 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,996 nothing to do. 39 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,995 Wonder what Tom O'Connor's up to? 40 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,390 Imposs to say, really. 41 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:51,075 The man is such a sparkling multifaceted genius, 42 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,358 one cannot predict what amazing thing he'll get up to next. 43 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,638 - The interesting thing about Tom... - Well, congratulations, Richie. 44 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,793 I had thought today I had plumbed the very depths of tedium, 45 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,156 a level of boredom beneath which I could not sink, 46 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:11,438 but no - Richie Rich has started to burble on about Tom O'Connor. 47 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,149 What shall we do, stare at the wall or chat about Tom O'Connor? 48 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,834 "Well, I've got a bit of a heart condition. 49 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:21,037 "Staring at the wall would probably be too exciting. 50 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,634 "Safest if we chat about Tom O'Connor!" 51 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,553 You don't fancy watching Name That Tune on the vid, then? 52 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,716 Ooh! 53 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,552 Oh, no. Telly's broken. 54 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,680 Tom O'Connor's probably playing golf now. 55 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,955 Him and a few of the guys. 56 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,349 Probably just realised I'm not there. 57 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,079 "I thought you'd ask him, Bob Monkhouse?" 58 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,071 "No, you said you would, Tom. " 59 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,277 "Oh, bother, the game's ruined," Bob Hope will chip in. 60 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,716 - "Bother, bother, bother!" - Richie, I'm begging you. 61 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,836 No, I'm threatening you. 62 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:22,038 If you don't shut up I shall ram your head into the microwave. 63 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,190 All right, all right, all right. 64 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,635 The subject is closed. 65 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,394 I see Brucie Forsyth's got a new series. 66 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,632 Spot The Catchphrase. 67 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,996 Brucie trots out a series of meaningless catchphrases 68 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,152 and a celeb panel guess which will annoy the public most. 69 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,196 Could be very big, Eddie! 70 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:52,876 Do you think we could possibly avoid the subject of Brucie Forsyth as well? 71 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,474 In terms of boredom, it's much the same 72 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,030 as talking about... Michael Barrymore, isn't it? 73 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,430 What?! Eddie, your ignorance really is embarrassing. 74 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,717 They're two completely different artistic entities. 75 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,917 Their catchphrases, for example. What's Brucie's? 76 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,878 Come on, what's Brucie's catchphrase. You know it. 77 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,916 What is it? 78 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,719 "It's gonna be a big night tonight 79 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,588 "if you play your cards right. Nice to see ya. " 80 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,956 "Give us a twirl, Anthea. I'm in charge. " 81 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,112 Whereas Barrymore's is anything John Cleese ever said. 82 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,875 With by a couple of rounds of, "Awright! Awright!" 83 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,555 - Where's the similarity? - Neither of them are funny. 84 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,551 Take the game shows they present. 85 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,596 On Play Your Cards Right, 86 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,717 there's a whole line of cards and then you win a prize. 87 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,555 Whereas, on Strike It Lucky, there's a line of TVs and then you win a prize. 88 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,950 There's no similarity between the two concepts at all! 89 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:55,068 When TV execs go to so much troub to provide us with such varied scheduling, 90 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,799 the least you can do is give them some credit. 91 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,316 Richie, if you don't shut up, I'm going to cut your head off, 92 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,392 stuff it in the microwave, wait until it goes pink, 93 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,199 take it out, mush it up with milk and butter 94 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,032 and ram it up your backside! 95 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,315 So, SHUT UP! 96 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,630 Very well. 97 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,110 If you wish it, Eddie, we shall sit in silence. 98 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,156 It could save your life. 99 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,598 Ted Rogers has been thrown off 3-2-1. 100 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,672 - Right. - Too old, you see. 101 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,797 Too old. He's 108 if he's a day. 102 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,156 Got caught short in the ad break and had a widdle in Dusty Bin. 103 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,992 Dreadful business. 104 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,833 The rumour is they want me to take it over. 105 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,435 Yeah, me. With Sammy Fox as the glamorous totty on the side. 106 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,795 Could be a very special team, I think. 107 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,633 Do you wanna touch my body? Yes, we do! 108 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,553 We want to stick our heads up your blouse and go... 109 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,274 Will you shut up! 110 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,755 Right. Right, Eddie, that's it. 111 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,950 No, seriously, this is it. 112 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,034 I'm sorry, but when I'm on This Is Your Life 113 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,635 and you're brought on as my lifelong companion, guess what? 114 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,280 I'm not gonna recognise you. 115 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,072 That's right! I shall simply stare blankly and say, 116 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,197 "Who the hell is he? Get him off my show, he stinks. " 117 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,192 And all my great showbiz mates like, like... 118 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,192 Marti Caine and Gary Wilmot - they'll all say, 119 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,795 "Who's the fat, ugly bastard pretending to be Richie's mate? 120 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,996 "Get him out of the studio quickly. " 121 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,119 You'll be so embarrassed, won't you? You'll start to cry. 122 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,033 You'll cry! And we'll all laugh. 123 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,829 Eamonn Andrews will punch you and all my mates will join in. 124 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,956 Clive Dunn, Roy Castle, Pam Ayres - 125 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,430 they'll punch you to death in front of millions of people 126 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,034 just for being ugly and poor. 127 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,593 Oh... 128 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,830 Hello, Richie. Hello, Eddie. 129 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,071 Er, the front door was closed, so I picked the lock. 130 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,954 Er, do you mind if I use your toilet, Richie? 131 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,395 - Of course not, Filthy. Go ahead. - Ta. 132 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,550 Right, come on in, my dears. 133 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,269 Yes, this way. This way, Mr and Mrs Elton. 134 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,476 Yeah, in there, as promised. 135 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:36,519 One room, bijou maisonette, running water, fully furnished. 136 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,070 Très bona, ideal for a young family's first home. 137 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,628 90 quid a week, cash down. Thank you. 138 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,429 I'm sure you'll be very happy in your new home. 139 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,476 Filthy! 140 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,030 You said I could use the toilet, Richie. Be fair, I did ask. 141 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,510 I didn't say you could rent it out! 142 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,319 I've just moved into the estate agency biz. 143 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,278 Très bona, très mucho mazoola. 144 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,636 But Filthy, what happens when we want to... 145 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,712 - go? - It's in their rent agreement. 146 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,998 - You have right of passage. - I am not easily embarrassed 147 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,230 but I think it's going to be difficult 148 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,596 to maintain the social niceties we British are proud of 149 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:21,195 with a young family living in my toilet bowl. 150 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,510 Eddie! 90 quid! 151 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,239 Anyway, they won't mind, this is the '80s. 152 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,039 People have to go where they can. 153 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,032 By the way, watch what you do with your rubbish, 154 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,715 I've got a couple of students in your dustbin. 155 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,999 Not married, I'm afraid, but you can't expect morals from kids these days. 156 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:46,950 Boys, boys, this is not a day for long faces and whining. 157 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:51,795 This is a day of glad tidings, merriment... 158 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,757 joy... 159 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,796 happiness. 160 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:03,239 Because, Richie, my dear, I have found you a job. 161 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,198 Oh, my God! 162 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,716 - Aren't you pleased? - No. I remember the last job. 163 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,874 So do I. Très bona, regular appearances, extended engagement. 164 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,633 Filthy, you told me to sign on the dole! 165 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,030 You took a 75% commission on my unemployment benefit. 166 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,793 Yes, never mind all that, Richie, darling. 167 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,836 That's all in the past, 168 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,390 because I have found you a real, showbiz job. 169 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,391 If this is some kind of joke... 170 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,199 It'll be the first one on the show this week! 171 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:39,718 Shut up! We've had some super laughs and the show's only just begun. 172 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,032 Tell me true, have you honestly, cross your heart and hope to die, 173 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,588 got me a genuine, genuine showbiz job? 174 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,274 Yes. 175 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,032 - How big? - Enorm. 176 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,192 - Enorm! - You, Mr Richard Rich... 177 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,236 - Yes! - You old trouper, you. 178 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,993 - Yes! - You old hell raiser, you. 179 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,832 - Yes! - You, you... 180 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,036 mad, drunken dog of the theatre. 181 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,838 Ruff, ruff, ruff! 182 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,388 You are going to read the gossip columns 183 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,596 on breakfast TV tomorrow morning. 184 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,790 - Oh, my God, this is it! - I'm gonna meet Anne Diamond! 185 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,316 - Wincey Willis. - Gordon Honeycombe! 186 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,790 This is it! Michelangelo got the Sistine Chapel contract, 187 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,598 Russ Abbot had his Madhouse. 188 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,148 Bernard Matthews couldn't say "beautiful" properly. 189 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,755 And now I'm gonna read the gossip columns on breakfast TV! 190 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,752 Just a one-off, it's only tomorrow morning. 191 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,070 Ha! Wait till you see how brilliant I am. 192 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:40,358 I'll be reading the weather before you can say, "Frank Bo... " 193 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,635 One small prob. 194 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:48,875 Bear in mind you have to be at the studios tomorrow at 4:30... 195 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,349 in the morning. 196 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,434 You old josher! Seriously, what time do I have to be there? 197 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,431 I'm telling you, boys, that's it. 198 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,112 AM. 199 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,839 Shut up, Eddie. This is my big break. 200 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,354 - 4:30 in the morning? - That's right. 201 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,398 So, a quiet night in, 202 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,198 get to bed early, 203 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,636 and above all, get up early to get there on time. 204 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,508 Or you'll become bywords in the business for unprofessionalism 205 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,113 and never work again. 206 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,156 We've got to get an early night. 207 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,708 Oo-er, sounds a bit ominous. 208 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,031 It doesn't sound in the slightest bit ominous, Eddie. 209 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,635 Just remember to be there, tomorrow, 4:30, sober. 210 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,790 - Sober. - If you need me, 211 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,553 I'll be at the off-licence until opening time, 212 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:41,030 then at the pub until closing time and then at the club. 213 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,475 See you down the studios. 214 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,912 TV-am! 215 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,676 Ah-ah-ah-ah! Sober. 216 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,954 Right, 4:30 in the morning. What time is it now? 217 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,669 - It's nearly opening time. - Only 11 hours to go! 218 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,318 Ohhh! 219 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,550 What's on the telly? 220 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,437 It's broken. 221 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,636 We've got to be really sensible. 222 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,280 - Have a quiet evening in. - And an early night. 223 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,909 Above all, we've got to be up in time to get to the studio. 224 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,394 Why don't we go out for just one quiet, little drinkie? 225 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,436 N- o. 226 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,916 You know what would happen then? 227 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,878 - Lager frenzy. - Lager frenzy. 228 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,919 One thing you can't do after lager frenzy is get up at 4:30 in the morning. 229 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,037 - We could exercise restraint. - Yes, and in the real world, 230 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,872 perhaps we couldn't. 231 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,110 - I know what we'll do. - No! 232 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,509 - Not that. - It got too messy last time. 233 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,114 No, we'll never do it again. I swear. 234 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,476 This is great. I nicked this off a schoolkid on the bus. 235 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:58,394 It's a great new game all the trendsetters are playing. 236 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,789 It's called Trivial Pursuits. 237 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,317 Richie, Trivial Pursuits was fashionable about five years ago. 238 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,437 Oh, you really are a sad creature, aren't you? 239 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,637 If you can't think of something first you run it down. 240 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,915 Let's play. You have to shake to start. 241 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,429 Five! Oh-ho-ho! 242 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,272 Six. 243 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,908 No, that's on an angle, you see? 244 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,956 You'll have to roll it again. 245 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,752 Six. 246 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,115 You've played this before, haven't you? 247 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,239 It doesn't matter who starts, I'm still going to thrash you! 248 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,959 - Right, politics. - Look, Richie... 249 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,635 why don't we go out for just one non-alcoholic drinkie? 250 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,757 - Like what? - Vodka. 251 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,991 Vodka frenzy is even more destructive than lager frenzy. 252 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,709 The vom's a lot clearer. Easier to wash out of your sheets. 253 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,268 But you haven't washed yours since 1978. 254 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,272 And you only popped them in the lav with a bar of soap 255 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,271 and flushed it a couple of times. 256 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,477 - Are we playing this or not? - Ask me the question then. 257 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,232 Stop looking. 258 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,595 - I'm not looking. - Yes, you are looking. 259 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,875 - I'm not. - You can see the reflection 260 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,269 in my eyeballs cos they're so sparkling. 261 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,432 Sounds like the cue for a gag about sparkling balls! 262 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,829 Not if you ever want to work again! Ho ho! 263 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,309 Let's play and stop cheating! 264 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,516 I don't need to cheat to beat you. 265 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,478 Ooh! In that case you wouldn't mind turning your back 266 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,073 while I read the question. 267 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,390 All right then. 268 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,040 Great. 269 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,915 You seem to be taking an awfully long time, Richie. 270 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,753 Er, there's one or two complicated words. 271 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,876 With you in a tick. 272 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,599 Oh, dear. How very, very sad. 273 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,797 Richie, what have we got above our mantelpiece? 274 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,189 - Eamonn Andrews... - A mirror. 275 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,919 And what do I see reflected in that mirror? 276 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,997 Ena Sharples. Brilliant. 277 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:59,596 The pathetic sight of the man who once did the continuity links on TVS 278 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:04,196 reduced to grubby cheating to get the better of his half-drunk minder. 279 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,316 This is Thatcher's Britain. 280 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,550 Al Pacino and The Bee Gees. 281 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,471 Ah. Er... 282 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,269 Good, I think all your cards are in order. We can start. 283 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,319 I shall simply take the questions from the other end of the box. 284 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,678 Presuming I can see nothing of interest in your sparkling balls, oo-er, 285 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,035 perhaps you'd read the question. 286 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:32,672 Here goes. The first question of the game. Duh-da-da-derrrr! 287 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,077 Here goes... 288 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:41,516 Oh, God, this is easy. Too easy actually. 289 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,592 I don't think it's fair this is so easy. 290 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,592 - Just ask me the question. - All right, then. 291 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,035 It's not really fair. It's too easy. 292 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,795 It really is too easy, isn't it? It's not fair, really. 293 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,395 You've had all the easy ones and I've had all the hard ones. 294 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,392 I could have won by now if I'd had your questions. 295 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,596 I mean, honestly, it's not fair. 296 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:07,037 You probably know all the answers because you've played it so often. 297 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,554 If you've never played Trivial Pursuits, 298 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,949 the producer wishes me to assure you 299 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,076 that this is exactly what it's like 300 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,276 and hence a very well-observed gag. 301 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,830 Shut up. Our audience are very sophis, they all play Triv. 302 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,549 Richie, in order to play Triv, you have to be able to read, 303 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,108 which counts our lot out from the start. 304 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,839 Eddie... are we going to play this game or not? 305 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,390 - Ask me the bloody question! - All right, all right. 306 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,471 - Oh, it's so easy. - Oh, God. 307 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,630 Here it is. 308 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,918 Who was the last Labour prime minister 309 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,753 and if you don't get this you're an idiot. 310 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,432 Callaghan. 311 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,598 Mmm... 312 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,955 Yeah, can you be a bit more specific? 313 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,036 James Callaghan. 314 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:58,476 Yeah, well... could you give me a little bit more? 315 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,348 Richie, there is no more. That is the answer. 316 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,955 We have to go by what it says on the card, don't we? 317 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,112 - All right, I give up then. - Great. My go. 318 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,476 It says on the card, "James Callaghan. " 319 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,633 It says "James Callaghan" full stop, doesn't it? 320 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,358 "Callaghan" full stop. 321 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,989 You have to go by what it says on the card. It's the rules. 322 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,595 It's not my fault if you're too stupid to get the answer. 323 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,514 One. Damn-no, great! Showbiz, a pink category question! 324 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,797 It's my go! Uhhh! 325 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,957 Who was the star and director of the Rocky and Rambo films? 326 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,110 Ah, now, I know this. 327 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,316 I know this! 328 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,834 Ohhh... 329 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,629 - Ow. Errr... no, don't tell me. - I'm not going to. 330 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,793 It's coming, it's coming, it's coming and don't say, "Oo-er. " 331 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,474 Errrm... 332 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,034 What was the question again? 333 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,590 Who was the star and director of the Rocky and Rambo films? 334 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,318 Got it. Tarby. 335 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,908 - No. - It is. 336 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,673 The card must be wrong, it's definitely Tarby. 337 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:23,675 - It's not. It's Sylvester... - Stallone! I knew that one. 338 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,194 - I did know that. - You didn't say it. 339 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,352 What are you doing? What are you doing? 340 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,273 - It's my go. - But I knew it all the time. 341 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,033 I knew that one. It's still my go. 342 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,872 Richie... 343 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:41,033 in about 15 seconds I'm gonna have to punch you in the face. 344 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:45,716 And because I'm your minder I'm gonna have to defend you and beat myself up. 345 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,314 That way we're both gonna get hurt. 346 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,233 Why don't we avoid all this unpleasantness 347 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:55,598 and go for one teenie-weenie only-have-one-y drinkie? 348 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,910 Eddie, we're having a lovely quiet night in 349 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,355 playing a fantastic game of Triv. 350 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,512 We have to be up early, we can't go for a dr... 351 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,156 All right, Eddie, I'll let you have your go. 352 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,834 Go on. Go on! 353 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,798 I'll ask you a question, I hope I give you a hard one. 354 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,553 - Don't say "oo-er". - Oo-er. 355 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,835 - Geography. - Right. 356 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,593 - Oh, God, this is so easy. - Ah-ah-ah-ah! 357 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,432 All right. 358 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,518 What, then... 359 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,434 What is the world's northernmost capital city? 360 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,399 Reykjavik, comma, Iceland, full stop. 361 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,116 I suppose I'll have to give it you then. 362 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,668 - Why, because it's right? - Don't gloat! 363 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,274 - It's most unbecoming. - This is so boring! 364 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,318 Ha ha! Thought you were going to lose, didn't you? 365 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,755 Had to throw the board across the room. 366 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,751 Ask me a question, any question. 367 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,354 I'll get it right, I bet you a million pounds. 368 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,955 Go on, any question, it'll be great. Ask me, ask me, ask me. 369 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,919 Which jolly gap-toothed Scouser comedian 370 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,230 who now presents Winner Takes All 371 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,915 first rose to fame on Sunday Night At The London Palladium? 372 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,913 He enjoys the odd round of golf and his initials are JT. 373 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,876 Now, I know this. 374 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,630 JT? 375 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,597 Erm... 376 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,558 Erm, I know it, I do know it. 377 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,995 I know this, I know this, errrm... 378 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,072 - Got it. - Jimmy Tarbuck. 379 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,196 What? Oh, yes, of course - Tarby! 380 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,191 Yes, it's Tarby! I got another one. 381 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,236 - Ask me again! - This is pathetic! 382 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,675 You've just landed a contract at TV-am, 383 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,036 we should be out celebrating, not getting bored to death. 384 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:57,238 We've got to be up early to be bright and fresh at the studio. 385 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,198 Richie, if we went out for one little drinkie, 386 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,272 it might help us sleep. Just one. 387 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,316 I did win the game, didn't I? 388 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,712 Yes, you did. Very clever, well done. 389 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,993 All right, then. Just one little drink. 390 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,035 Uh-oh. 391 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,598 Lager frenzy! 392 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,233 Look, paparazzi scum! 393 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,390 Telephoto parasites photing me 394 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,040 on my quiet night out when I deserve privacy. 395 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:34,032 Leave my boy Richie alone! Give me that camera! 396 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,519 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 397 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,114 Hit him, Eddie, hit him! You are Sean Penn! 398 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,871 - What did you hit him for? - Cos I don't hit girls. 399 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,394 - You sexist pig. - All right, then. 400 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,791 This liberation game's a lark, isn't it? Let's get drunk. 401 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,599 Oi, you two should go before I call the police. 402 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,194 I only tolerate this from celebrities. 403 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:02,073 Richie is reading the gossip on breakfast TV tomorrow. 404 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,879 - Is this true? - Of course, small minion, 405 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,679 I am... Richie Rich! 406 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,796 If you want a mensh get us some pop. 407 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,077 - Everybody, it's Richie Rich! - Who? 408 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:18,712 Richie, have a look at those two over there, eh? Whur-hur-hur! 409 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,155 Eddie, they're potted plants. 410 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,549 You'd have to be sloshed to fancy them. 411 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,552 - Let's get sloshed, then. - Here we are, boys. 412 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,029 Thank you, landlady, here's five pence. 413 00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,634 Oh, Richie, what can I say? 414 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:39,908 Fantastic, I much prefer this club and it's on the way home. 415 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:43,515 - So just one drinkie here... - And straight home to bed. 416 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,591 Right. 417 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,956 Of all the clubs we've been to tonight, this is the best. 418 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,430 And it's still on the way home if you think about it. 419 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,432 But you have to think pretty stupidly, Eddie. 420 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,829 - We are in Liverpool now. - Right. 421 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,514 - Let's think stupidly about it. - Yeah. 422 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:09,028 You know, there's an element missing to this evening 423 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,554 which no true man should be without. 424 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,072 I don't follow you, Eddie. 425 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,594 I wouldn't advise anyone to follow me 426 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,309 as my bottom resembles nothing less than a wind tunnel. 427 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,278 What is this element... 428 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,476 that no true man should be without? 429 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,994 Well, we've had a few drinks, 430 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,116 we're out for a good time... 431 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,191 what's your mind turning to? 432 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,276 Of course. 433 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,150 Poppadom frenzy! 434 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,110 Oh, God. 435 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,188 Oh, blimey. Eddie, loosen my trousers, would you, old girl? 436 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,077 Why can't you do it? 437 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,276 Because you're the nearest. 438 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,276 Oh, all right, then. 439 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,636 Just down by my tummy. 440 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,075 Anyway, you have to do it cos I said you had to do it. 441 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,994 And you have to do what I say cos you're the pathetic nobody 442 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,548 and I'm the great, fantastic person. 443 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,359 That's what your life's all about, you zero. 444 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:25,798 Richie, have I ever told you the story about the tortoise and the hare? 445 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,110 Is it a dirty one? 446 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,749 No, that's the story about the tortoise and the donkey. 447 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,996 Oh. Tell me that one, then. 448 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,949 All right, then. There was once this really kinky tortoise. 449 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,678 - Uhhh! - Ruhhh! 450 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,558 Seriously into M&S. 451 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,200 Whoarr! M&S? 452 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,430 Marks and Spencer's. 453 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,796 - Whoargh! - Worked in the lingerie department. 454 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,155 - Ooh-hooo! - Anyway! 455 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,754 His supervisor, the donk... 456 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,796 - Donk? - Donkey. 457 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,509 Used to think he was a really conscientious worker 458 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,831 but really the tort was coming in early 459 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:11,471 to try on all the bras and try on all the knicks. 460 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,357 I better tell the story about the tortoise and the hare. 461 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,273 - You haven't got a punch line? - Yeah, that too. 462 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,670 - Who cares, we've got the cash. - Yeah! 463 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,991 Well, there was once this tortoise and this hare 464 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,038 and the tortoise was really slow and slothful 465 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,998 and called... Richie Rich. 466 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,036 Have you got it so far? 467 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,395 Look to the mote in thine own eye... 468 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,313 ...is my answer to this. 469 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,233 Or look to the billions of fags, eight gallons of lager 470 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,312 and a crinkly old copies of Mayfair in thine own eye. 471 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,358 We're not talking about me, we're talking about you 472 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,829 and, of course, the hare. 473 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,115 Who is a real whizz kid go-getter, 474 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,749 wise-cracking gagster called Bobby Davro! 475 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,872 Me and Davs in a showbiz race, this is fantastic! Go on! 476 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:07,112 Well, the hare won totally cos Davro's got a bit of talent. 477 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,236 And the tort got run over by a bus 478 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,232 cos you're a talentless scumbag 479 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,279 and that's why you'll never have your own game show! 480 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,115 And that's the way you feel, is it? 481 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,918 Yep! 482 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,072 In which case it seems rather strange to me, 483 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,835 that they've asked me to go on breakfast teev in the morning. 484 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,876 That reminds me, what time is it? 485 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,269 - It's 4:15. - Right. 486 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,874 - When have we got to be there? - Er... 487 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,554 - 4:30. - Right. Where are we? 488 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,596 Southampton. 489 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,080 We've just got time for one more drink. 490 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,515 - A double? - Yeah. 491 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,998 Mr Filthy, there's 10 minutes left. I'm becoming very worried. 492 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,231 I know, Anne, my love. I am trying to trace them. 493 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,392 I am considering every possibility. 494 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,436 Hello, Battersea Dogs Home? 495 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,956 Yeah, did you pick up a couple of large dogs last night? 496 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,917 One in a poncy suit 497 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,470 and the other with a copy of Health And Efficiency in his pocket? 498 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,950 - No? Right, sod you then. - We're almost out of time. 499 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:20,033 The Pink Goddess has had a heart attack she's been exercising so long. 500 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:23,749 Look, daughter, I'll put this as politely as I can. 501 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,115 Shut your face, you silly old cow. 502 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,476 I knew we shouldn't have tried to save money on has-beens. 503 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,120 Hello, yes? Senior Service Club? 504 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,350 Yes, I can hold. 505 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,916 Hello. Do me a favour, would you? 506 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:43,471 Look out the window and see if there's two revolting offences to humanity 507 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:47,917 wiggling their backsides and saying, "We'll do anything for lager. " 508 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,355 There isn't? Well, sod you then. 509 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,590 Right, well... 510 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,636 that's it, Anne, my dear. 511 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,917 I have tried every conceivable possibility. 512 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,676 However, as I said, I do happen to have this manual 513 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,991 which I was hoping I could plug on your show instead. 514 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,914 I've told you before, TV-am is a family programme 515 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,389 and we do not broadcast smut. 516 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,630 Good morning, Britain! 517 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,837 Here we are, 4:30 in the morning and bang on time. 518 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,674 Gordon Honeycombe! Give me my papers and I'll finish the job! 519 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:32,390 Richie Rich and Eddie Catflap, what are you doing here? 520 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,712 Honestly, the one time in my life I want you to let me down and you don't. 521 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,758 I lose all my faith in human nature, I really do. 522 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,796 But, Filthy, you stressed... 523 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,394 You stressed we had to be here on time. 524 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:48,712 Which I thought was the one way of guaranteeing you wouldn't be. 525 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,190 I don't know what you're talking about and I'm too drunk to care. 526 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,555 This is where my success story begins. 527 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:59,156 From this small beginning a showbiz empire will be built. Come on, Eddie! 528 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,196 I hope you're proud of yourself. 529 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,999 Your plan to bring smut to TV-am has failed. 530 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,548 We remain a good, clean family programme. 531 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,269 You're really as sweet and innocent as you look on telly? 532 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,954 Yes, I am. I'm lovely. 533 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,156 Good morning, if you've just joined us. 534 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:23,518 Time for a look at the papers with our guest reviewer, Mr Richard Rich. 535 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,269 What? Oh. 536 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,078 Hello. 537 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,593 That's my little raspberry sound. 538 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,433 - Do the papers. - Oh, yes, right. 539 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,034 Here's the papers! 540 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,793 - I've done it then. - Read them. 541 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,632 Oh, yes. Just my little joke. 542 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,513 Right, hello, viewers. 543 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,477 Here's last night's gossip. 544 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,438 Let's start with John Fake in the Daily Bastard. 545 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,636 Always some juicy stuff in there. 546 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,790 Ooh, this looks good. 547 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,792 "Embarrassing incident with bare bottom 548 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,996 "in local eatery. 549 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,833 "Pathetic and forgotten has-been Richie Rich 550 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,036 "showed just how low he... " 551 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,510 Oh, that's me. "'I thought his helmet was the toilet,' 552 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,114 "claimed the has-been as a policeman... " 553 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,192 - Mr Richard Rich. - Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick. 554 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,113 - Eddie! Eddie! - What? 555 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,794 - This copper wants a statement. - Oh. 556 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,634 Right. "All coppers are bastards. " How's that? 557 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,234 Just tell me what you did earlier this evening. 558 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,677 It had something to do with our trousers. 559 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:41,117 - Exactly what you did. - We're still live! We're on air! 560 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,715 We'll sort this out, you're amongst professionals now. 561 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,870 What exactly did we do last night? 562 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,394 Oh, yeah. 563 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,392 - Shall we show him? - Yeah, let's show the world! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net