Come on, admit it. It's true.
No, I won't, because it's not.
I use swear words, like anybody else. — oh, really?
See, I've never heard you. So when is it that you do all this cussing?
After I go to bed, or— — I swear...
When it's appropriate.
Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.
Hey, there, inara.
Heading off for some glamorous romance?
Let's hope so. See you two tomorrow.
Don't let mal get you into too much trouble while I'm gone.
Bye now. Have good sex.
What?
- Oh! — now, this would be a perfect time for a swear word.
What... happened in here?
Needed to find some tape. — so you had to tear my infirmary apart?
Apparently.
My god. You're like a trained ape.
Without the training.
Jayne.
I told you we're setting down on the canton factory settlement on Higgins's moon.
Yep. That you did.
Canton don't allow guns in theirtown.
Yes, sir. That's why I ain't strappin' one to my hip.
No. That's why you ain't strapping one anywhere.
Oh, listen, mal, I was in canton a few years back.
I might have made me a few enemies thereabouts.
Enemies? You?
No! How can it be?
Just don't like the idea of goin' in there empty—handed, is all.
Why are you still arguing what's been decided?
Okay, inara. We're atmospheric. You are good to go.
Thanks, wash.
Disengaging in three...
Two, one.
Canton really stinks.
That's what makes it such a great drop point. No one comes here that doesn't have to.
I vote we do thisjob really, really fast.
Kessler's our man. He's holding the goods we're to deliver.
We go in, make contact— Easy-peasy.
Zoe, you're holdin' down the fort.
Call ahead to bernoulli, let him know he'll have his merchandise end of the week.
Don't I usually stay with the ship? — I outrank you.
Have fun.
So, this is a place where they...
They make mud.
Yep. Clay, really. You'd be surprised how many things it ends up in.
Serenity? Got more than a few ceramic parts in her.
- Really? - Yeah.
Huh — captain, don't you think Simon should come with us?
What? K-Kaylee, I don't think it's a good...
Go on, boy. See the fights.
I can watch over your sister. I believe...
We've been developing a rapport.
- I—I don't know. River— - — go on.
I'm a Shepherd after all. I should be able to keep my eye on a flock ofone.
We're not going that far, doctor, and you might maybe make yourself useful.
Come again?
The management here don't take too kindly to sightseers, which is why we're...
Posin' as buyers.
There ain't a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor.
I mean, the pretty fits...
Soft hands— definitely a moneyed individual.
All rich and lily—white, pasty all over— — all right!
Fine. I'll go. Just stop describing me.
You're the boss, boss.
He's the boss now? Day keeps gettin' better and better.
Area's employees only.
Best be getting back to the landing unless you have business here.
Yes.
Yes, I— I'm looking... To buy some mud.
Well, then. You've come to the right place.
'Course, we can handle any volume here.
We've over 2,000 workers, mostly indentured.
We pay them next to nothing.
That way we can pass the savings directly on to you, the customer.
Savings.
Uh, excellent. That's, uh...
Because as I said before, I'm gonna— I'm gonna be needing quite a bit of it.
I, uh— I'm a buyer.
The best of its kind.
Uh, we mix it, we brick it raw right here on the premises.
Uh, you add the right catalyst, you kiln it proper...
This stuff's 10 times stronger than steel at half the weight.
Yes. I've heard great, uh...
What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master ofdisguise?
He's learning.
It's, uh— — Excuse me, boss.
I'm sure the foreman has things need attending.
Why don't we wander a bit, take a look at the operation?
- Then you can figure on whether we get an account here. — yes?
Yes. Yes, we'll uh...
We'll—we'll wander a bit.
Fair enough. Come and see me when you're through.
All right. Let's head toward the town, find our man Kessler, get thisjob done.
Boy's gonna get us killed. Let's just do this deal and get.
His disguise isn't halfas funny as yours.
Who are you supposed to be, anyway? — you haven't been here in years.
You really think you need that getup?
No one's gonna remember you.
I think it's possible they might.
Son of a bitch!
J take my /0 ve, take my land, »
j take me where /cannot stand j
j / don't care, / 777 still free j
j you can't take the sky from me j
j take me out to the black j
j tell 'em /a/'n't com/n 'back j
j burn the land and boil the sea j
j you can't take the sky from me j
J there's no place / can be j
j since / found Serenity j
j but you can't take the sky from me jj
Jayne? — yeah?
You wanna tell me how come there's a statue...
Of you here lookin 'at me like / owe him somethin '.7
wishin' I could, captain. — no, seriously, jayne. You wanna tell me...
Look, mal, I got no ruttin' idea.
I was here a few years back, like I said...
Pulled a second story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill...
But things went... way south.
I had to hightail it. They don't...
Put you on a pedestal in the town square for that.
Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some very compelling evidence says they do.
This must be what going mad feels like.
I think they captured him, though.
You know, captured his essence.
Looks sorta angry, don't he?
That's kinda what I meant.
Shifi' four on duty. Shifi' four on duty.
Uh, hey. I got an idea.
Instead of us hang/n ' around, ola yin ' art critic till / get pinched by the man...
How's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work...
And get along with our increasingly eerie-assed day, how's that?
I don't know.
This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's consideration.
Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.
Come on, gorram it. We got a job.
Let's go do it, get the hell outta here.
I crossed the magistrate of this company town. Understand?
He ain't exactly a forgivin' sort of guy.
Magistrate Higgins, I may presume. — you may.
But I only make the people I own use my title.
Mr. Higgins... Will do fine.
And you can call me inara, Mr. Higgins.
It's a rare pleasure, your visit to my little moon.
- —Journey wasn't too taxing? - Not at all.
I'm refreshed and ready. Shall we begin at, say, 7:30?
Perfect.
I have a feeling it will take all your art to deal with this particular problem.
Even/problem, /I/lr. Higgins, is an opportunity /n ding/se.
What are we up to, sweetheart? — fixing your Bible.
I, um— what?
Your Bible's broken.
Contradictions, false logistics— Doesn't make sense.
No, no. Y—you can't...
So we'll integrate non—progressional evolution theory with god's creation of Eden.
Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there.
Eleven.
Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house oh I, 11 times...
But always comes out one.
- — Noah's ark is a problem. - Really?
We'll have to call it “early quantum state phenomenon.”
Only way to fit 5,000 species of mammal on the same boat.
Give me that.
River, you don't... fix the Bible.
It's broken.
It doesn't make sense.
It's not about... making sense.
It's about believing in something.
And letting that belief be real enough to change your life.
It's about faith.
You don't fix faith, river.
It fixes you.
You hang on to those, then.
Can't he a statue of me. No reason for it.
Flies in the face of every kind of sense.
Won't argue with that.
Mmm. They call it mudder's milk.
All the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma's best Turkey dinner...
Plus 15 percent alcohol.
- It's horrific. - — Worked for the Egyptians.
What's that? — the ancient Egyptians.
Back on earth—that—was.
Not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed the slaves to build pyramids.
It's liquid bread it kept them from starving...
And knocked them out at night, so they wouldn't be inclined to insurrection.
Wow. Simon, that was so... historical.
Now, what's a gussied—up fella like you doing in a place like this?
Shake your head, boy. Your eyes are stuck.
_ - git|
You wouldn't be looking for Kessler? —just havin' a brew.
I knew a Kessler. — knew?
He was a good middleman.
Low—profile. Didn't Filch.
Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew...
Heard he was movin' contraband through town.
Gave him a peck of trouble for it. — what kind of peck was that?
The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete...
Rolled him into the bog. — they peck pretty hard around here.
Listen. My client off—world is waiting for his delivery.
If the goods are gone— — not to wor/y.
Your man's merchandise is here, safe in Kessler's hiding place.
We just gotta figure out how to get it across town...
Without being seen by the foreman and his prods.
I advise we all just lay low for a moment.
[Man lj/ayfleo'
J the man they call jayne j
J he robbed from the rich and he gave to the poorj
j stood up to the man and he gave him what forj
j our lo ve for him now am't hard to explain j
j the hero of canton the man they call jayne j
j now, jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin' j
j he saw the mudders' laments j
jand he saw the magistrate takin 'j
j every dollar and ieavin' five cents j
j 50 he said you can't do that to m y people j
uh, jayne?
Yeah, mal?
You got any light you'd like to shed on this development?
J stole e ve/ything boss higg/ns had to steal j
no, mal.
No, this must be what going mad feels like.
J he stood up to the man and he gave him what forj
j our love for him now ain't hard to explain j
j the hero of canton the man they call jayne j
j now, here is what separates heroes j
j from common folk like you and / j
j the man they call jayne he turned 'round his plane j
j and let that money hit sky j
oh, hegorram, that's where that cash went.
I stole that money from Higgins like that song says.
Lifted me one of his hovercraft, but I got tagged by anti—aircraft...
Started losin' altitude, had to dump them strongboxes...
Stay airborne.
Sixty thousand...
Untraceable...
And I drop it right square in the middle ofmud farmer central.
We got to go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.
J the man they call jayne jj
- — Hello? - In here, river.
Um...
I'm— I tore these out of your symbol...
And they turned into paper...
But I want to put them back, so...
Sorry. What's that?
River! River, come back!
Preacher, what the hell did you— whoa.
Captain, now they're off the subject of me...
Shouldn't we be gettin' the hell out of here?
I'd say that's a reasonable request, given the circumstances.
Ruttin' mudders.
There he is.
Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne!
Give me some milk.
Don't you understand? He is come back/
lt'sjayne. I
what the— — hero can't and won't be drinkin' that.
He drinks the best whiskey in the house!
What the hell's goin' on? Is this how people lay low where you're from?
- — Not generally, no. - Listen, friend.
I came here to make sure a deal went down solid.
Not to get chopped up by the canton prod crew and fed to the bog.
I understand your concerns, friend.
This here's all part of our new plan.
- — Captain, how exactly is this part of— - Still working the details.
Inara, allow me to introduce my son, fess Higgins.
Hello, fess ll/lr. Higgins, this shuttle is a place of union.
- I'm sure you can appreciate— - — what is this?
I brought you here to bed my son, not throw him a tea party.
Sir, a companion greeting ceremony is a ritual with centuries of...
My son is 26 years old, and he ain't yet a man.
Twenty-six. And since he can't find a willing woman...
Mr. Higgins, you're not allowed here.
What? — as I said, this room is a consecrated place ofunion.
Only your son belongs here. — well, I'm...
Now, why don't you go on and let us begin our work?
Now listen here, young lady— — good night, Mr. Higgins.
Well, that's a bit more peaceful.
Will you sit?
Tojayne! — Tojayne!
To me! — woo—woo—woo—woo!
To the mudders!
You know, I've saved lives.
Dozens. Maybe hundreds.
I—I reattached a girl's leg.
Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me.
I got a hamster.
He drops a box of money...
He gets a town.
Hamsters is nice.
Tojayne. The...
Box-dropping, man—ape—gone—wrong thing.
You know, you are pretty funny.
And you're pretty...
Pretty.
What did you just say? — I just said that you're pretty.
Even when you're covered in engine grease, you're...
No, especially, especially when you're covered in engine grease.
It's time to get out of this nut house. I got some plannin' to work out.
Now, captain? Things are goin' so well. — I suppose.
Jayne's certainly feeling better about life, but...
I said, things are going well.
Oh. Well.
Well, I tell you what.
Jayne is stuck here with his adoring masses.
Why don't you and Simon hang around and keep an eye on him for me?
They say the snow on the roof is too heavy
they say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.
River?
Please, why don't you come on out? — no. I
I can't. Too much hair.
Is— is that it?
Hell, yes, preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her.
It's the rules of my order.
L/ke the book, it symbolizes...
Uh—huh. River, honey, he's putting the hair away now.
Doesn t matter. /t'i/ still be there.
Waiting
honey, we're home!
Where've you guys been? Mal, bernoulli's chomping at the bit.
Says he wants his merchandise yesterday.
We got a few wrinkles to work out.
Did you know thatjayne is a bona fide folk hero?
Got a song and everything.
You've been drinking, husband. — that he has.
Don't make it any less the case.
Are you telling me thatjayne— — it's true.
True enough we can use it anyways.
We talked a few pillars of the mudder community into having a little...
Jayne day celebration in town square tomorrow.
It should buy us enough of a distraction to get the stolen goods out...
From under the foreman and his crew of prods.
You're really gonna have to start again. Jayne's a what?
This whole thing— uh, it...
It is embarrassing.
My father's right again, I guess. And to have to bring you here...
Your father isn't right, fess. It's not embarrassing to be a virgin.
It's simply one's state of being.
As far as bringing me here...
Companions choose the people they're to be with very carefully.
For example...
Ifyour father had asked me to come here for him...
I wouldn't have.
Really?
Really, fess.
But you're different from him.
The more you accept that, the stronger you'll become.
So the magistrate, he let you folks keep all that cash?
He did. And it pained him, that's for dead sure.
When he found out, he sent his prods in to take it back from us...
But the workers resisted. — fought the law, huh?
If the mudders are together on a thing, there's too many of us to be put down.
So in the end, hejust called it a bonus.
That's one hell of a bonus. — and then, when we put that statue of you in town square...
He rolled in, wanted to tear it down...
But the whole town rioted
you guys had a riot? On account of me?
My very own riot?
I can't believe you're back.
How could I stay away? — hey.
Magistrate Higgins.
My son's out there.
I pray to god losin' his cherry.
There's a problem in worker town, sir.
Jayne Cobb's come back.
Evening, stitch.
What do you want with me? — nothin'. You've done your time. You've paid your debt.
It's time you were on your way.
Here. I believe these were your personal effects.
You keep me in that box four years...
And you give me a loaded gun?
You got the urge to use it, no doubt.
But I'm not the one that brought you in on that robbe/y.
I'm not the one who partnered up with you, then turned on you when his plan went south.
Howhigh up was that shuttle when he pushed you out? Thirty feet?
/ayne Cobb cost you four years of your life...
Plus a perfectly good eyeball.
And here's the poetical portion— He's back in town.
This very day.
Best of luck in your new life.
Hey, captain... captain!
Hey... mal.
Mal, I, uh— uh...
No, n—nothing happened.
No, there was, uh— there was— There was some drinking...
But, uh, we certainly didn't...
I would never— not with Kaylee.
- — What do you mean, not with me? - Yeah. Uh-huh.
Where's my hero?
J my love forme now ain't hard to explain j
j the hero of canton the man they call me j
eggs. The living legend needs eggs.
Or maybe another milk.
No. The iivin' legend needs to come with us. He's got a little appearance to make.
- — He does? - That's right.
Thisjob here's gone way past long enough.
Well, you go on now. I got me important hero—type stuff to do.
Where are you goin'? — I'm goin' with you.
Mmm, I don't think so. No, maybe you ought to stay here.
It's about the time for a civilized person to have his breakfast.
That's the sort of thing would be appropriate, don't you think?
Excuse me. Could I, uh— could I see a menu?
A what?
You're very quiet.
I'm sorry.
I just...
I just thought I'd feel...
Different... after.
Aren't I supposed to be a man now?
A man is just a boy who's old enough to ask that question.
Our time together, it's a ritual...
A symbol.
It means something to your father.
I hope it was not entirely forgettable for you.
Oh, no. It was— — but it doesn't make you a man.
You do that yourself.
Fess! Fess Higgins!
Get out here!
So, that's where the littlejayne celebration we got planned comes in.
Should give us enough time to get the goods back on Serenity.
I don't know.
You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
You better laugh when you say that. — no, really, mal.
I mean, maybe there's something to this.
The mudders...
I think I really made a difference in their lives.
You know— me, jayne Cobb.
I know your name, jackass. — you know they threw a riot on my account?
A riot?
Morning, kids. — Is thatjayne? Is that really him?
Wash, pinch me. I must be dreaming.
Aw, hell, I'll pinch ya.
Just get on over to town square, jayne.
Your fans are waitin'.
Do you really think we can get this stuff across town without being noticed?
Got to find /t first.
Here we go.
Let's get /t dug up.
A criminal hearing? — yeah, my father's ordered me to attend.
You see, there's this man...
Well, it happened when I was growing up here.
He stole a ton of money from my dad and ga ve it to the poor...
To my father's workers.
He's become kind of a folk hero in canton. — go on.
Well, he's back. Apparently, he landed here yesterday.
Yesterday?
Oh, no.
I—I know this man. He's...
He just has this idiotic sense of nobility, you know?
He can neverjust let things go.
He thinks he's this hardhearted criminal...
And he can be unrelenting...
But there's a side to him that's just so...
You mean, you actually knowjayne?
Jayne? Jayne Cobb? You're talking aboutjayne Cobb?
Yes. Jayne Cobb, the hero of canton.
The only person / ever saw who stood up to my father...
My dad had him traced back to his ship. He had port control put a land—lock on it.
/ayne'll get back and find out that he's grounded
I sort of hate the idea of his getting caught.
Yes, that would be bad.
Uh, could I just get the...
Check, please?
Heard tell you run withjayne Cobb.
Excuse me?
You're gonna take me to that dirty, lowdown shingle of a man.
Listen, sir, I don't know who...
“Sir”? Look at me, you pantywaist idjit.
I just spent the last four years steamin' in a hot box...
And you're “sirrin'” me?
Folks say you're part ofjayne's team, so...
Where is that no—good reptile hidin' hisself?
Tell me, boy, or I'll cut off every last bit of them good looks.
Oh, not done yet, young'UN.
That's gonna cost you an eye.
[Jayne.']Ayne/jayne. I /ayne!]Ayne!]Ayne. I
come on. Come on!
- They love their boy. - — Just drive by nice and slow.
Come on, sir. Let's just get— — the magistrate says no.
We hold position. Understand me?
Zoe, pack down the cargo.
Wash, you heat up Serenity.
We're blowin' this mess inside halfan hour. — already there.
Let's go get our wayward babes.
Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne! Jayne!
Speech! Speech! Speech!
_ u m—...
I'm no good with words. Don't— don't use 'em much myself.
But I want to thank you all for bein' here and, uh, thinkin' so much of me.
Uh...
Far as / see it...
You people been given the shortest end of the stick...
Ever been offered a human soul in this crap—heel 'verse.
But you took that end...
And you— well, you took it.
Andthat's...
Well, I guess that's somethin'.
Wow.
That didn't sound half bad.
I'm shocked my own self.
Stitch hessian...
Well, hey, there, jayne.
Thought / 'd make you watch while /butcher me one of your Bo ys.
He ain't a-one of mine.
Where you been hid/n '?
You gone got yourself iookin' mighty hideous.
Oh—ho.
Yeah.
Nowjayne gets his.
- Honey. — Kaylee?
So what's this about a hero of canton? Was I hearin' that right?
Four years of lock-do wn plays tricks on the ear.
I ain't a hero, stitch.
Just a workin' stiff like you.
Oh—ho.
Yep, he's right. Jayne is.
Fact, we used to work together, he and /.
Now, why don't you just let old stitch speak his piece?
Go on, then.
Whole lot of money in a magistrate's safe, weren't there, jayne?
Got away clean too.
But then our plane took a hit, and we're goin' down.
We dumped the fuel reserve, dumped the life support. Hell, we even dumped the seats.
And there'sjayne, the money and me.
And there was no way he was gonna drop that money.
He did. He dropped it on the mudders.
By accident, you inbred dung head. He tossed me out first.
For six months we run together. He turned me out before / could scream.
You'd have done the same. — no. Never.
You protect the man you're with. You watch his back.
Everybody knows that.
Well, except the hero of canton.
You gonna talk me to death, buddy? Is that the plan?
Mm, this is the plan.
Yaah!
Get up.
Get up, you stupid piece of...
What'd you do that for? What's wrong with you? Didn't you hear a word he said?
All of you!
You think there's someone just gonna drop money on ya?
Money they could use?
Well, there ain't people like that.
There'sjust people like me.
Wash, we're on. Get us the hell off of this mud ball.
Uh, yeah. I'm, uh, workin'on it.
Hello, wash.
- — Has there been a problem with takeoff? - Is there a problem?
Is there a problem?
No. We're fine.
You did what?
I sent an override to port control...
Lifted the land—lock on Serenity.
Ioughta wipe that smile off your head. How dare you defy me, you...
You wanted to make a man out of me, dad.
I guess it worked.
Just keep walkin', preacher man.
You gotta be steely.
You can't be lettin' men stomp on you so much.
It wasn't exactly a plan.
You ain't weak.
You couldn't beat him back?
Or would that not be appropriate?
You're never letting go of that, are you?
Well, you confound me some, is all.
I mean, you like me well enough, and we get along, and...
And then you go all stiff.
/— / 'm not, um— I didn't...
See? You're doin' it right now.
What's so damn important about bein' proper?
It don't mean nothin' out here in the black.
It means more out here.
It's all I have.
I mean, my way of being... polite...
Or however it's...
Well, it's the only way I have of showing you that I like you.
I'm showing respect.
So, when we made love last night...
When we what?
You really are such an easy Mark.
Don't make no sense.
What...
Why the hell'd that mudder have to go and do that for, mal...
Jumpin' in front of the shotgun blast?
Hell, there weren't a one of 'em understood what happened out there.
They're probably sticking that statue right back up.
Most like.
I don't know why that eats at me so.
It's my estimation that...
Every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of a son of a bitch or another.
Ain't about you, jayne.
It's about what they need.
Don't make no sense.
Grr! Arrgh!