1 00:00:41,611 --> 00:00:44,058 This is Paul Slippery. 2 00:00:46,432 --> 00:00:48,162 He's desperate for it. 3 00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:59,883 This is his idea of a sexual advance. 4 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,496 You're off to work then? 5 00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,281 Suppose so. 6 00:01:03,835 --> 00:01:05,714 Useless to think about... you know... 7 00:01:06,576 --> 00:01:07,952 ...having sex? 8 00:01:08,374 --> 00:01:10,357 Unless you can do it in 45 seconds. 9 00:01:11,086 --> 00:01:12,360 It's possible. 10 00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,462 You amaze me. 11 00:01:14,962 --> 00:01:16,279 You're always at work. 12 00:01:16,545 --> 00:01:18,387 I come home to eat, sleep. 13 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,543 Yeah, that takes up a lot of time. 14 00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:23,067 You know, it's funny... 15 00:01:23,413 --> 00:01:26,220 I've never actually seen where you work. 16 00:01:26,383 --> 00:01:27,991 I've never met any of the people you work with. 17 00:01:28,242 --> 00:01:30,873 - No. - You just... disappear. 18 00:01:31,144 --> 00:01:34,509 Then when I do call, I just get an answer machine 19 00:01:34,663 --> 00:01:35,942 or a secretary. 20 00:01:36,225 --> 00:01:38,813 Or your boss, that Gwendolen person. 21 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,165 Yeah. 22 00:01:41,629 --> 00:01:42,959 So what's she like? 23 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,568 She's fine. 24 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,354 She's fine. 25 00:01:51,308 --> 00:01:52,598 So... 26 00:01:53,289 --> 00:01:55,473 Why don't we invite her and her husband over for dinner? 27 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:56,782 She doesn't have a husband. 28 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,956 - Her and her boyfriend. - Doesn't have a boyfriend. 29 00:02:01,027 --> 00:02:02,315 Poor old thing. 30 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:05,584 Is she, you know... really moose-like? 31 00:02:05,935 --> 00:02:07,905 - Sorry? - Moose-like. 32 00:02:08,474 --> 00:02:10,989 Mingy. Does she ming? Does she ming for England? 33 00:02:10,990 --> 00:02:13,582 - Oh, for God's sake, Paul. - It's an expression the boys use. 34 00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:16,301 Is she, you know... a beast? 35 00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:19,312 No, she has a very nice, attractive personality, 36 00:02:19,486 --> 00:02:21,515 with a warm, sensual nature. 37 00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:24,681 So why doesn't she have a boyfriend? 38 00:02:24,857 --> 00:02:26,335 Because she's a lesbian. 39 00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:32,389 - I thought she was a lesbian! - Don't go on about it. 40 00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:34,558 - I'm not going on about it. - Going on about what? 41 00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:37,154 Your mother is working with a lesbian, has been for months, 42 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,753 and has neglected to tell me about it! 43 00:02:38,903 --> 00:02:40,153 They like to keep it a secret. 44 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:41,626 - Who do? - Lesbians. 45 00:02:41,781 --> 00:02:44,344 She does not keep it a secret, she's perfectly relaxed about it! 46 00:02:44,462 --> 00:02:46,488 The only person making a meal of it is you! 47 00:02:46,655 --> 00:02:48,346 I don't think we were making a meal of it, 48 00:02:48,462 --> 00:02:50,145 I thought we were just mentioning it, weren't we, Edwin? 49 00:02:50,299 --> 00:02:51,673 - Mentioning what? - Lesbians. 50 00:02:51,856 --> 00:02:54,058 Oh, for God's sakes, shut up about lesbians! 51 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:57,839 Sorry I spoke. No further use of the L-word. 52 00:02:57,998 --> 00:02:59,978 All right? Taboo subject. No further references 53 00:03:00,197 --> 00:03:02,016 to the sensible shoebrigade. 54 00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:03,058 The what?! 55 00:03:03,211 --> 00:03:05,469 It's another term for... muff-munchers. 56 00:03:05,817 --> 00:03:07,425 Right, you've clearly got a probem with this. 57 00:03:07,567 --> 00:03:09,268 Let's get it out of our systems, shall we? 58 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,995 Say it after me: lesbian. 59 00:03:11,695 --> 00:03:12,663 - Lesbian. - Lesbian. 60 00:03:12,698 --> 00:03:14,355 Les-bian. 61 00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:16,310 - Lesbians. - Lesbian. 62 00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:26,589 Estelle? 63 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,209 Well? You chaps going to work? 64 00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:46,888 Got the day off, Laura's coming over. 65 00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:49,571 - Rory? - Day off, Lucy's coming over. 66 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,510 - Edwin? School? - Study leave. 67 00:03:55,891 --> 00:03:57,500 At least you two have girlfriends. 68 00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:01,505 You boys have got to stop thinking about sex. 69 00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:03,156 There are more things in life, you know? 70 00:04:04,093 --> 00:04:06,484 Can't think of what they are for the moment, but there must be. 71 00:04:07,575 --> 00:04:08,992 Hello, what's this? 72 00:04:10,610 --> 00:04:14,015 "Erogen-8, the potion of love." Oh, interesting! 73 00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:16,684 "This unique brew of herbs, spices and oils 74 00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:19,453 enhances feelings of love and tenderness. 75 00:04:21,263 --> 00:04:23,094 You'll experience increased mutual attraction 76 00:04:23,227 --> 00:04:25,410 and hightened senses of touch and taste. 77 00:04:25,671 --> 00:04:27,790 Love is literally all around. 78 00:04:28,094 --> 00:04:29,692 Do not use when operating heavy machinery, 79 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,672 may cause temporary blindness." 80 00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,621 It doesn't really say that, does it? 81 00:04:33,978 --> 00:04:36,427 You've been using Erogen-8! That is pathetic! 82 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,201 Actually says "may contain traces of nuts". 83 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,773 So into whose drink have you slipped this phoney nostrum? 84 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,675 Yours, father. So that you might love me. 85 00:04:44,897 --> 00:04:46,745 All right, let's be scientific about this, shall we? 86 00:04:46,873 --> 00:04:48,220 I am, after all, a doctor. 87 00:04:48,471 --> 00:04:51,356 Now, contains cloves. All right, cloves. 88 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,347 C-L-O-V-E. Take off the C, what have you got? 89 00:04:54,512 --> 00:04:56,413 - "Louve". - Love. 90 00:04:56,551 --> 00:05:01,066 All right, there is no scientific connection between clove and love. 91 00:05:01,263 --> 00:05:04,951 Cloves are what charlatans crush in bottle and sell to suckers like you. 92 00:05:05,771 --> 00:05:08,407 - It's only a bit of fun. - No, it's not fun, Edwin. 93 00:05:08,631 --> 00:05:11,673 This is the 21st century, and you're replacing medicines with remedies. 94 00:05:11,838 --> 00:05:14,075 Bullshit is literally all around. 95 00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:19,235 - What was all that about? - He needs some "louve". 96 00:05:20,082 --> 00:05:23,102 We should convince him that that stuff works. 97 00:05:23,244 --> 00:05:25,087 We shouldn't just waste it on one guy. 98 00:05:25,278 --> 00:05:27,509 Anyway, he's so old he's almost dead. 99 00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:28,766 I thought you were gonna use it on this girl 100 00:05:28,894 --> 00:05:30,416 Lucy and Laura are going to introduce you to. 101 00:05:30,549 --> 00:05:31,806 She's hot, hot, hot, apparently. 102 00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:34,117 So am I. I am hot, hot, hot. 103 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:37,072 Well, she is Laura's cousin. 104 00:05:37,887 --> 00:05:39,176 And she's gonna be around here soon. 105 00:05:39,351 --> 00:05:41,539 Now I know what I'm gonna be doing all day. 106 00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:44,255 Shall we, though? 107 00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:46,885 Shall we wind the old man up? 108 00:05:51,259 --> 00:05:53,617 What are they like, these "women in management" things? 109 00:05:53,926 --> 00:05:57,994 Good for business, full of women unhappy in their jobs. 110 00:05:58,276 --> 00:06:01,817 - Friendly women? - You could go to the jungle with them. 111 00:06:01,971 --> 00:06:04,117 Provided you took a bodyguard. 112 00:06:04,522 --> 00:06:06,396 Well, that's it then! I can't possibly talk about 113 00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:09,037 returning to the workplace, they'll laugh at me! 114 00:06:09,165 --> 00:06:10,661 It sounds so pathetic. 115 00:06:10,810 --> 00:06:14,040 I thought it was perfect. That's why I suggested it. 116 00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:16,884 - Why don't you do it then? - Cause you've lived it. 117 00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:20,633 You went off and had a family. Anyway, I'm chairing the thing. 118 00:06:20,788 --> 00:06:24,113 But you're used to talking to roomfuls of high-achieving women. 119 00:06:24,316 --> 00:06:27,037 Don't play the little housewife, Estelle. 120 00:06:27,277 --> 00:06:29,454 It's very unsexy. 121 00:06:32,997 --> 00:06:35,004 - Surinder, hi, it's Paul. - Hi, Paul. 122 00:06:35,164 --> 00:06:39,199 Look, Surinder, I know you're into all this alternative medicine stuff, 123 00:06:39,321 --> 00:06:41,148 but herbal aphrodisiacs... 124 00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:43,187 It's drivel, isn't it? 125 00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:47,863 - Hello. - Hey. Hey, baby! 126 00:06:48,678 --> 00:06:51,042 - This is Woj. - Hi, Woj. 127 00:06:52,155 --> 00:06:55,496 - I'm a girl. - Yeah, I'd noticed. 128 00:06:55,677 --> 00:06:57,371 Some people don't. 129 00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:00,975 This is my brother. 130 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,861 So... sweep me off my feet. 131 00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:10,266 - We've gotta go upstairs. - So soon? 132 00:07:17,356 --> 00:07:20,288 But let's get back to this Erogen-8 stuff. Let's be honest. 133 00:07:20,453 --> 00:07:24,189 I could drink the whole stupid bottle and it wouldn't raise my seritonin levels 134 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,217 by a gnat's shoesize. 135 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,742 So we're gonna get dad to join us for a nice cup of tea, 136 00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:32,984 - and two of us take this... - ...fiendishly powerful drug. 137 00:07:33,149 --> 00:07:35,370 Go through the motions of increased mutual attraction 138 00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,467 and heightened senses of touch and taste. 139 00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:38,970 And persuade him to buy the bottle! 140 00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:42,237 Thereby defraying the cost of my original investment. 141 00:07:42,391 --> 00:07:45,439 I really need this, guys. It cost me 20 quid. 142 00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:47,755 Who's gonna take it? Me and Dan? 143 00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:50,071 You guys are already mutually attracted. 144 00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:51,301 That's a good point. 145 00:07:51,482 --> 00:07:53,175 It's gotta be two people that aren't a couple. 146 00:07:54,869 --> 00:07:55,940 Me? 147 00:07:56,871 --> 00:08:00,509 - Yeah, don't mind. - Yeah, but who you're gonna take it with? 148 00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,872 Don't look at me. I don't be a couple. 149 00:08:05,064 --> 00:08:07,676 I come individually wrapped, I'm afraid. 150 00:08:09,253 --> 00:08:12,012 Cool, whatever. Laura, do you want to take it with me? 151 00:08:13,546 --> 00:08:14,815 - Sorry. - Hey, 152 00:08:14,958 --> 00:08:17,272 why don't you and Laura take it? 153 00:08:17,399 --> 00:08:19,247 Cause you guys are not a couple, are you? 154 00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:20,409 True. 155 00:08:23,057 --> 00:08:24,048 Okay. 156 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,731 Edwin, you're in charge of tea. 157 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,170 Make the opening more punchy, 158 00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:46,262 cut the joke about every woman wanting a wife, 159 00:08:46,411 --> 00:08:47,754 I did that last year. 160 00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:49,696 I must be on the right track then. 161 00:08:49,909 --> 00:08:51,943 - Otherwise, it's fine. - Fine? 162 00:08:52,634 --> 00:08:54,344 What does fine mean? Dull? 163 00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:56,816 Does it sound like it's written by a housewife? 164 00:08:57,099 --> 00:09:00,514 I wouldn't dream you've got three boys and a very demanding husband. 165 00:09:00,812 --> 00:09:02,521 And you want to take me away from them. 166 00:09:04,097 --> 00:09:05,151 It's a joke. 167 00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,473 There's no such thing as a joke. 168 00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:09,746 Is Paul coming to support you? 169 00:09:09,975 --> 00:09:11,205 I thought it was women only. 170 00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:12,702 It's a joke. 171 00:09:13,415 --> 00:09:15,375 - Have you told him about it? - Yes. 172 00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:17,931 - What did he say? - He wasn't listening. 173 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,950 You could do with a few lines slagging off men. 174 00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:25,058 That goes down a treat with women in management. 175 00:09:25,282 --> 00:09:27,055 I don't want to slag off men! 176 00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:29,186 So you don't like it. 177 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:30,783 Listen. 178 00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:33,165 Don't worry. 179 00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:37,172 It's a good speech. Very well researched. 180 00:09:37,884 --> 00:09:39,583 They'll love you. 181 00:09:46,191 --> 00:09:48,497 No, I won't. Thanks all the same. 182 00:09:49,616 --> 00:09:51,776 Yeah, I really must go, Surinder. 183 00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:57,549 "Old maid's tounge", yeah... I'm writing that down. 184 00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,548 Okay, fine. Bye. 185 00:10:01,311 --> 00:10:02,056 Hi. 186 00:10:02,238 --> 00:10:04,431 - Hi! - We've made some tea. 187 00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:06,262 Because we want to try an experiment. 188 00:10:06,444 --> 00:10:07,988 - Involving? - You. 189 00:10:08,802 --> 00:10:10,996 We think you were a little hard on Edwin's love potion. 190 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,206 Maybe. Maybe not. 191 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,326 You're not against increasing the amount of love in the world, are you, dad? 192 00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:18,169 No, I have no objections about it at all. 193 00:10:19,016 --> 00:10:22,487 Edwin's added two equal amounts of the potion into two identical cups. 194 00:10:22,749 --> 00:10:25,260 Basically we're gonna shuffle them around, 195 00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:28,094 so we have no idea which two contain... 196 00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,239 - The substance. - Yeah. 197 00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:33,901 It's a controlled experiment, minimizes the placebo effect. 198 00:10:34,082 --> 00:10:37,083 - You're a doctor now, are you? - Just making it scientific, dad. 199 00:10:37,311 --> 00:10:40,229 So ethanol, i.e. alcohol, clove, cinnamon, 200 00:10:40,427 --> 00:10:43,400 eulalia leaves, essence of rootbree... whatever that is... 201 00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:48,422 nurmanin... 0,0123 milligramms... wuranecia root. 202 00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:10,246 Well, I think I'm still having that sort of feet on the ground sort of feeling. 203 00:11:11,114 --> 00:11:12,855 Bet the wuranecia root hasn't kicked in yet. 204 00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:14,814 - What about you, uhm...? - Woj. 205 00:11:15,056 --> 00:11:18,094 No, nothing. There never is with me. 206 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:25,926 - This tea's lovely. - It is, it's... nice tea. 207 00:11:26,862 --> 00:11:28,635 It tastes a bit different, actually, what is it? 208 00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:32,448 Oh, it's... luce-leaf mix... Chinese and... 209 00:11:33,534 --> 00:11:34,950 - ...Indian. - Nice. 210 00:11:37,684 --> 00:11:39,143 What do you think? 211 00:11:41,684 --> 00:11:42,744 Too soon to say. 212 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:46,265 Actually, I'm definitely feeling a bit more relaxed, 213 00:11:46,466 --> 00:11:49,651 and calm, and open to things and to people, 214 00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,121 - and to... - Me? 215 00:12:01,606 --> 00:12:03,619 No, I'm not convinced. 216 00:12:05,285 --> 00:12:09,019 - I mean, I think, pharmacologically... - I love you, dad. 217 00:12:10,761 --> 00:12:11,848 Oh, Rory. 218 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:14,901 You know, I've... 219 00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:18,203 ...painted my skirting board green. 220 00:12:18,624 --> 00:12:21,339 - What sort of green? - Green green. 221 00:12:21,722 --> 00:12:22,686 Can I see it? 222 00:12:23,085 --> 00:12:24,981 Yeah. Let's go. 223 00:12:27,549 --> 00:12:28,838 Don't be too long! 224 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,925 Well, I can't sit around all morning blind tasting love potions, 225 00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:36,522 I've gotta go and heal the sick. 226 00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:41,571 Or at least point them at the nearest A&E department. 227 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:51,959 Cost 40 quid, by the way. 228 00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:55,127 - What? - You know it's worth it. 229 00:12:57,224 --> 00:12:58,810 All right. 230 00:13:00,163 --> 00:13:02,112 - 20. - 40, dad. 231 00:13:02,394 --> 00:13:03,682 You kids half... 232 00:13:05,114 --> 00:13:06,446 Okay. 233 00:13:08,143 --> 00:13:10,842 I'm just gonna take it to the lab for analysis, 234 00:13:11,029 --> 00:13:12,935 you know, just... it's out of interest. 235 00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:35,123 Hi! 236 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:36,997 Hi, Mr Aziz is waiting. 237 00:13:39,893 --> 00:13:41,953 There are four women in burkas with him, Surinder. 238 00:13:42,151 --> 00:13:42,987 Three. 239 00:13:44,877 --> 00:13:45,622 Four. 240 00:13:46,528 --> 00:13:47,858 I could've sworn there were three. 241 00:13:49,606 --> 00:13:53,428 Mr Aziz, my apologies to you and your... companions. 242 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:54,700 Please, don't worry. 243 00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:57,690 Actually only one of them is my wife. The other two are her sisters. 244 00:13:57,978 --> 00:14:00,849 God knows who the one on the end belongs to. 245 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:10,211 Okay, do up your shirt. 246 00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:13,148 I'm a patient of Dr Pilfrey, really. 247 00:14:13,904 --> 00:14:15,140 Where is Dr Pilfrey? 248 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:18,781 I'm afraid it all got a bit too much for him. 249 00:14:19,016 --> 00:14:22,061 And so he went away to another place. 250 00:14:22,545 --> 00:14:24,691 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 251 00:14:25,149 --> 00:14:27,545 Please, will you give my condolences to his widow? 252 00:14:28,786 --> 00:14:30,676 No, he's not really... 253 00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:34,632 It just all got a bit... Got a bit complicated. 254 00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:36,368 So... 255 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,526 You say you're coughing up phlegm? It's not a dry cough? 256 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:44,196 It's not. I keep spitting in inappropriate places. 257 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,002 People think I'm making a statement of some kind. 258 00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:48,477 Do you smoke? 259 00:14:49,877 --> 00:14:51,319 Work in a smoky environment? 260 00:14:51,548 --> 00:14:53,376 No, actually I sell Islamic clothing. 261 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,728 Modest garments for modest men and women! 262 00:14:55,989 --> 00:14:58,470 - How's trade? - Not so good these days. 263 00:14:58,641 --> 00:15:02,193 Say what you want about the Taliban, they didn't do my business any harm at all. 264 00:15:10,764 --> 00:15:12,383 What are they doing up there? Joke's over. 265 00:15:12,521 --> 00:15:14,683 I didn't like the way Laura was acting. 266 00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:16,621 But she was acting, Luce! 267 00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:20,061 Or was she? Maybe that stuff really does work. 268 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:24,147 If anyone ever slipped something in my drink to try and seduce me, 269 00:15:24,296 --> 00:15:27,007 - they would so die. - No one would dare, Woj. 270 00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:29,782 Should we go and see them? 271 00:15:43,244 --> 00:15:44,262 This is incredible! 272 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,444 I don't believe this. 273 00:15:57,265 --> 00:15:59,774 - We so had you two! - That's not funny! 274 00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,931 - It is funny. - I thought it was funny. 275 00:16:03,138 --> 00:16:04,943 But then, I don't have a sense of humour. 276 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:08,693 Lucy! 277 00:16:12,897 --> 00:16:13,946 What's he done to you? 278 00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,155 He hasn't done anything to me. 279 00:16:23,853 --> 00:16:24,592 Paul? 280 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:25,940 Hi. 281 00:16:26,707 --> 00:16:31,040 This is the bottle of snake-oil that my son just wasted 40 quid on. 282 00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:37,557 - Get it down you? - Wouldn't be safe with you in the room, Surinder. 283 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,549 I am flattered. 284 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,073 Estelle just rang me. 285 00:16:43,025 --> 00:16:45,081 Did she? She didn't ring me. 286 00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:47,780 She invited me to hear her speak this afternoon. 287 00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:49,714 Why didn't you tell me? It's great, isn't it? 288 00:16:49,739 --> 00:16:51,374 She's speaking? Where's she speaking? 289 00:16:51,528 --> 00:16:53,727 At the conference. "Women in management". 290 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,724 She never told me. 291 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,104 Or did she? 292 00:16:57,551 --> 00:16:59,490 Nah, I think I'd remember that, wouldn't I? 293 00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:02,024 Maybe I wouldn't if I had something else on my mind. 294 00:17:02,525 --> 00:17:03,658 Maybe I didn't hear. 295 00:17:04,297 --> 00:17:06,054 Why have I not been invited? 296 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:08,137 It's only women allowed, I'm afraid. 297 00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:10,347 There you are, you see, I'm in the clear. 298 00:17:10,969 --> 00:17:14,840 There must be substances that affect the human brain. 299 00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:18,099 Love is just seratonin and lust, don't you think? 300 00:17:18,909 --> 00:17:20,341 Take it easy, Paul. 301 00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:29,926 Okay. I'll take it. 302 00:17:30,321 --> 00:17:32,818 Gwendolen Hartley Associates. 303 00:17:33,238 --> 00:17:34,303 Gwendolen! 304 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,868 - Paul. - Hi! 305 00:17:36,944 --> 00:17:39,972 I was just wondering, is Estelle there or is she tied up? 306 00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:43,422 It sounds terrible, doesn't it? 307 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,627 I always imagine someone actually physically tied to a chair 308 00:17:46,782 --> 00:17:48,098 and being whipped or something. 309 00:17:48,257 --> 00:17:50,504 Why do you imagine that, Paul? 310 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:54,466 I don't know, Gwendolen. I don't know why I said that. 311 00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:56,111 I'll put you through to Estelle. 312 00:17:56,362 --> 00:17:58,119 You will? Good, good. Thanks. 313 00:17:58,391 --> 00:17:59,797 Estelle, it's Paul. 314 00:18:02,437 --> 00:18:05,431 Before you do that, I promise you I don't think about whips all the time. 315 00:18:05,559 --> 00:18:07,410 - Paul! - Hi, darling. 316 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,025 - Why are you acting so weird? - What do you mean acting... 317 00:18:10,207 --> 00:18:12,162 I wasn't acting weird! 318 00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:14,547 Just having a perfectly normal conversation with Gwesbian. 319 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,946 - With Gwendolen. - Oh, for God's sake, Paul! 320 00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,906 - Look... - What's he on about? 321 00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:21,844 - Nothing, nothing. - I've just been feeling... 322 00:18:21,981 --> 00:18:23,887 - What? - You know, you and I haven't 323 00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:26,203 been seeing enough of each other lately and... 324 00:18:26,417 --> 00:18:28,286 - Paul. - I didn't even realise 325 00:18:28,435 --> 00:18:30,324 you were giving this talk until Surinder told me. 326 00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:31,810 I did tell you. 327 00:18:32,273 --> 00:18:33,392 You did? 328 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,883 - Yes. - Well... 329 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,982 The thing is I just would've liked to be invited. 330 00:18:38,136 --> 00:18:42,012 - It's women only! - Yes, yes, I know it's women only, 331 00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:45,622 and there's no men allowed, and it's just you and the lesbians... 332 00:18:45,803 --> 00:18:48,492 I mean the women... Yes, it's just... 333 00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:50,884 I'd like to have lunch with you. 334 00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:54,276 And I thought that if you're gonna have a sandwich in the office, 335 00:18:54,477 --> 00:18:56,553 I'd like to share that sandwich with you. 336 00:18:56,697 --> 00:18:58,156 I'd like to make it a special sandwich. 337 00:18:58,327 --> 00:19:01,441 I'd like to bring that sandwich over and then we could just 338 00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:03,945 sit around in the office, you, me, Lesdolen... 339 00:19:04,115 --> 00:19:05,829 ...and just share it. 340 00:19:06,022 --> 00:19:08,290 - Okay? - Yeah, fine. 341 00:19:08,422 --> 00:19:09,849 - Really? - What? 342 00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:12,917 Excellent. I'm gonna make this a sandwich you will not believe. 343 00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:14,130 Prawn. 344 00:19:14,268 --> 00:19:16,382 Prawn and lettuce, on brown. 345 00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:24,017 I itch. 346 00:19:24,236 --> 00:19:26,563 - I can do something about that. - Shut up, Dan! 347 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,996 You never know what you might pick up if you sleep with Dan. 348 00:19:29,157 --> 00:19:30,797 Yeah, you're quite a promiscuous guy, Dan. 349 00:19:31,441 --> 00:19:33,897 What is this? I'm so fed up with this stereotype of me 350 00:19:34,061 --> 00:19:37,586 as the man who does it with everyone and passes around sexual diseases. 351 00:19:37,805 --> 00:19:38,592 Why? 352 00:19:39,305 --> 00:19:40,152 Good point. 353 00:19:40,153 --> 00:19:41,830 I've only slept with you... 354 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,030 Lucy, and you, Laura. 355 00:19:44,744 --> 00:19:45,409 And... 356 00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,363 And? 357 00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,690 And Heleina. 358 00:19:50,531 --> 00:19:51,431 And Amy. 359 00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:53,524 And Sarah Jane. 360 00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:56,409 And Rebecca Frawley, but everyone's done it with her. 361 00:19:56,755 --> 00:19:58,678 And Maeve, once. Oh, and Janet. 362 00:19:59,461 --> 00:20:00,914 Carol-Anne. 363 00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:05,541 Yeah, and David, of course. And Colonel Gaddafi. 364 00:20:05,765 --> 00:20:08,028 And the New York Police Department's male voice choir. 365 00:20:08,172 --> 00:20:09,524 - For God's sakes, six women... - Seven. 366 00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:11,809 ...is not a lot! In the last... 367 00:20:12,437 --> 00:20:14,460 ...well, you know, recently. 368 00:20:14,786 --> 00:20:16,494 Did you really sleep with Janet Floss? 369 00:20:16,643 --> 00:20:19,380 Oh, no, for God's sake... Janet Floss doesn't... 370 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:20,982 Janet Clineman. 371 00:20:21,377 --> 00:20:24,316 And I didn't sleep with her, it was kind of a mistake on a late night bus. 372 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,038 I haven't slept with Rebecca Frawley. 373 00:20:28,245 --> 00:20:31,222 - Neither have I. - Well, you can relax, Dan. 374 00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:33,612 Because the itch is on my right bottock, 375 00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:36,546 where you persuaded me to get a tat... too. 376 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,832 - You what? - I didn't force her, it was consensual. 377 00:20:45,057 --> 00:20:48,575 - Listen, you better go to surgery. - Have you got the number? 378 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,546 Yeah, yeah, sure. 379 00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:53,025 Which... which surgery do you go to? 380 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,495 Well, your dad's. 381 00:20:58,355 --> 00:21:01,613 I don't know, there's nothing actually wrong with me, 382 00:21:02,453 --> 00:21:04,195 I just don't want to... 383 00:21:05,073 --> 00:21:06,542 You know... 384 00:21:08,103 --> 00:21:09,316 No. 385 00:21:11,595 --> 00:21:14,588 I seem to have lost my... "joie de vivre". 386 00:21:15,627 --> 00:21:16,814 Yes. 387 00:21:17,123 --> 00:21:18,805 Not that I had that much. 388 00:21:19,258 --> 00:21:20,365 No. 389 00:21:22,495 --> 00:21:25,518 - How are the girls? - You see more of them than I do. 390 00:21:26,178 --> 00:21:27,525 Right. 391 00:21:27,835 --> 00:21:29,144 So it's just a sort of... 392 00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:32,244 ...general what's-it-all-for sort of feeling. 393 00:21:33,106 --> 00:21:36,985 It may be existential. Can you give me something for it? 394 00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:41,991 Normally, I would think about prescribing antidepressants. 395 00:21:42,279 --> 00:21:43,998 But there may be another way. 396 00:21:44,376 --> 00:21:45,581 Yes, I'll try anything. 397 00:21:46,129 --> 00:21:47,460 I'm glad to hear it. 398 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:50,157 Now... 399 00:21:50,853 --> 00:21:52,200 What we're really talking about here 400 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,379 is what are these that makes you want to leap out of bed in the morning? 401 00:21:55,677 --> 00:21:56,710 It's love, isn't it? 402 00:21:56,892 --> 00:21:58,494 - Love? - Love. 403 00:22:01,534 --> 00:22:03,378 Now this may well be the thing for you. 404 00:22:04,809 --> 00:22:06,820 It's a tonic, really. It's herbal. 405 00:22:07,045 --> 00:22:10,963 It's got cloves, eulalia leaves, and essence of rootbree. 406 00:22:12,752 --> 00:22:15,495 Now I want you to think of this as a present from me to you. 407 00:22:16,473 --> 00:22:18,044 Just make sure the kids are out, 408 00:22:19,018 --> 00:22:20,477 and the phone's off the hook. 409 00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:23,657 You just have to believe, Norman. Hope and believe. 410 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,568 - So it's like Father Christmas. - Exactly. 411 00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:28,400 Except without the reindeer. 412 00:22:28,843 --> 00:22:30,003 Or the sack. 413 00:22:30,435 --> 00:22:31,697 Or the clothes. 414 00:22:59,679 --> 00:23:01,404 How much should I take? 415 00:23:04,348 --> 00:23:07,042 Well, that depends how much "joie de vivre" you want to recover. 416 00:23:07,271 --> 00:23:10,614 Fair enough. I think this could be the stuff for me. 417 00:23:12,741 --> 00:23:13,967 Lunch. 418 00:23:19,958 --> 00:23:23,846 Hi, I called earlier. It's Laura Proek to see Dr Dhillon. 419 00:23:24,075 --> 00:23:25,624 Yeah, can you take a seat, please? 420 00:23:26,428 --> 00:23:27,861 - Laura! - Dad! 421 00:23:28,286 --> 00:23:30,821 - What brings you here? - Nothing serious. 422 00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:32,930 Woman trouble. 423 00:23:34,382 --> 00:23:35,288 What are you doing here, then? 424 00:23:35,512 --> 00:23:38,594 I just got a tonic from Dr Slippery. He's a most unusual man. 425 00:23:38,934 --> 00:23:40,750 Very, very approachable. 426 00:23:41,597 --> 00:23:42,731 What sort of tonic? 427 00:23:43,657 --> 00:23:45,893 Well, it's just to make me feel better. 428 00:23:46,177 --> 00:23:47,416 In what way? 429 00:23:48,630 --> 00:23:50,692 Does it contain essence of rootbree? 430 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,240 Why do you ask? 431 00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:54,146 Just wondered. 432 00:23:55,099 --> 00:23:57,203 I'll see you later, Laura. Look after yourself. 433 00:23:57,395 --> 00:23:58,939 I will. And you. 434 00:24:10,164 --> 00:24:13,953 Give me more prawn. More prawn on brown! 435 00:24:14,980 --> 00:24:18,212 You like it, huh? You like my prawn on brown? 436 00:24:18,724 --> 00:24:21,928 Oh, yes! I like it! I want it, I want more of it! 437 00:24:22,173 --> 00:24:23,808 It feels so good! 438 00:24:24,553 --> 00:24:27,769 Then just wait for it, baby, just wait for it. 439 00:24:27,993 --> 00:24:28,978 Paul? 440 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:30,804 Hi. 441 00:24:31,017 --> 00:24:32,493 Could you have a look at a patient for me? 442 00:24:32,625 --> 00:24:35,677 - I'd like a second opinion. - No problem. No problem. 443 00:24:39,581 --> 00:24:40,480 Right, then. 444 00:24:41,725 --> 00:24:43,111 Morning, I'm Dr Slippery. 445 00:24:43,536 --> 00:24:44,745 Hi, Paul. 446 00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:51,980 Aren't you gonna kiss me on the cheek? 447 00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:59,196 This is Laura, she's Daniel's girlfriend. 448 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,540 Hence the tattoo. 449 00:25:02,099 --> 00:25:03,360 Is it infected? 450 00:25:04,819 --> 00:25:05,963 No, no... 451 00:25:06,358 --> 00:25:08,365 Tattoos are essentially abraisons, 452 00:25:08,573 --> 00:25:11,470 and all abrasions are subject to a little redness sometime. 453 00:25:11,699 --> 00:25:14,680 If it were infected, it would feel hot when you put your hand near it. 454 00:25:14,910 --> 00:25:16,566 Yeah. Does it feel hot when you put your hand near it? 455 00:25:16,955 --> 00:25:18,679 I don't know. How hot's hot? 456 00:25:19,447 --> 00:25:20,867 What do you think? 457 00:25:22,049 --> 00:25:23,360 Well, let's see, shall we? 458 00:25:25,850 --> 00:25:29,253 No, that's pretty normal buttock temperature, I'd say. 459 00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:32,724 Also, if it were infected, the surface would be sticky, and it's not, 460 00:25:32,912 --> 00:25:34,460 it's smooth and... 461 00:25:34,850 --> 00:25:36,196 ...and nice. 462 00:25:36,936 --> 00:25:41,465 No, it's a nice, well-contoured, smooth bottom. 463 00:25:41,650 --> 00:25:43,146 - Well done. - Thank you. 464 00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:46,299 "Oh, rose, thou art sick! The invisible worm, 465 00:25:46,507 --> 00:25:47,865 That flies in the night..." 466 00:25:48,093 --> 00:25:49,382 Worm, did you say? 467 00:25:49,637 --> 00:25:52,960 Sorry, it's a quotation. There is a little soreness around the rose. 468 00:25:53,934 --> 00:25:57,244 It's so vibrant and alive and full of colour and texture. 469 00:25:57,420 --> 00:26:00,300 It just makes you want to lean down and bury your nose in it, doesn't it? 470 00:26:01,158 --> 00:26:02,355 The rose... 471 00:26:03,532 --> 00:26:06,237 Well, we'll give you some hydrocortison cream, 472 00:26:06,408 --> 00:26:07,983 and you'll be as right as rain in no time. 473 00:26:08,164 --> 00:26:11,018 - Thanks, Paul. - Thanks, Laura. 474 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,385 And I hope it chokes you! 475 00:26:21,903 --> 00:26:24,363 - I am on duty! - I've been looking for you everywhere... 476 00:26:24,512 --> 00:26:26,019 I've been wondering the streets. 477 00:26:26,194 --> 00:26:27,978 - But I am on duty! - Darling... 478 00:26:28,133 --> 00:26:29,293 What did you just call me? 479 00:26:29,442 --> 00:26:31,121 I called you darling, we've been married for 20 years, 480 00:26:31,284 --> 00:26:34,463 you are my darling, you are... my beloved. 481 00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:37,920 You're the person for whom... I have feelings. 482 00:26:38,127 --> 00:26:39,953 Traffic wardens don't have feelings! 483 00:26:40,134 --> 00:26:44,100 Yes, they do. Don't write any more tickets today, please. 484 00:26:44,482 --> 00:26:45,388 Please. 485 00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:47,279 Please. 486 00:26:56,183 --> 00:26:57,552 Ladies and gentlemen... 487 00:26:58,466 --> 00:27:00,575 Oh, no. Ladies and... ladies? 488 00:27:00,794 --> 00:27:02,071 Girls and girls? 489 00:27:02,332 --> 00:27:04,025 Don't worry. Just start. 490 00:27:04,510 --> 00:27:06,618 Hit the bitches with your best shot. 491 00:27:06,832 --> 00:27:07,860 Hit the bitches. 492 00:27:09,771 --> 00:27:11,288 Hello? 493 00:27:11,698 --> 00:27:14,309 Oh, thanks. Your husband has arrived. 494 00:27:14,529 --> 00:27:15,891 Ask him to wait. 495 00:27:20,582 --> 00:27:22,173 Estelle, do come and look! 496 00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:26,915 Oh look, there's the famous sandwich. 497 00:27:27,683 --> 00:27:29,418 He reminds me of a dog. 498 00:27:29,786 --> 00:27:32,752 But not a recognised breed if you know what I mean. 499 00:27:33,630 --> 00:27:35,340 What is he doing? 500 00:27:36,064 --> 00:27:38,758 He's rehearsing for your lunch. 501 00:27:39,030 --> 00:27:41,016 And you're rehearsing for your speech. 502 00:27:41,298 --> 00:27:44,184 You both spend your lives rehearsing. 503 00:27:44,487 --> 00:27:46,723 Maybe that's where you're going wrong. 504 00:27:47,763 --> 00:27:50,930 - Well, I'll leave you to it. - No, no, no, please, stay. 505 00:27:51,147 --> 00:27:53,016 It's time you two met. 506 00:27:55,734 --> 00:27:56,793 Paul, darling? 507 00:28:06,191 --> 00:28:07,672 - Hi! - Hi. 508 00:28:10,190 --> 00:28:12,887 - You must be Gwendolen. - You must be Paul. 509 00:28:13,989 --> 00:28:16,999 - And you must be Estelle! - Yes, that's me. 510 00:28:18,324 --> 00:28:20,687 So, these are the famous offices. 511 00:28:21,603 --> 00:28:23,355 You're bigger than I imagined. 512 00:28:24,101 --> 00:28:27,889 I mean not you personally, I just thought the whole, you know... 513 00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,051 I'm expanding. 514 00:28:31,269 --> 00:28:33,897 In the long-term I hope to find a partner. 515 00:28:36,028 --> 00:28:38,696 - You don't have one. - I've never had one. 516 00:28:39,121 --> 00:28:42,434 That's surprising, you're an... attractive woman. 517 00:28:43,578 --> 00:28:45,537 - I'm sorry? - But you're on the lookout now. 518 00:28:45,905 --> 00:28:46,811 Yes, I am. 519 00:28:47,023 --> 00:28:49,174 Are there special clubs that you go to? 520 00:28:49,376 --> 00:28:51,373 - Paul, darling... - Presumably you're not just gonna 521 00:28:51,544 --> 00:28:53,137 pick someone up off the street, now are you? 522 00:28:53,844 --> 00:28:55,281 God, no! 523 00:28:55,478 --> 00:28:58,079 She... well, I suppose it would have to be a she... 524 00:28:58,254 --> 00:28:59,410 I suppose it would, yeah. 525 00:28:59,638 --> 00:29:01,560 She would have to know the ropes! 526 00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:05,130 Paul, can I have a word with you outside, please? 527 00:29:05,738 --> 00:29:07,191 - I'm just having a nice chat with... - Now. 528 00:29:13,231 --> 00:29:14,583 Business partner! 529 00:29:15,185 --> 00:29:17,810 I mean, can you not think of anything else but sex? 530 00:29:18,933 --> 00:29:20,249 I think about food, occasionally. 531 00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:22,693 Paul, I am delivering a speech this afternoon, 532 00:29:22,838 --> 00:29:25,185 have you any idea how terrifying that is? 533 00:29:25,323 --> 00:29:28,715 And all you can talk about is sex and sandwiches. 534 00:29:29,009 --> 00:29:30,957 I brought you your prawn and lettuce on brown. 535 00:29:31,138 --> 00:29:33,066 - Oh, for God's sakes... - It's got your name on it. 536 00:29:33,295 --> 00:29:35,938 Estelle, you've got less than an hour and a half. 537 00:29:36,093 --> 00:29:37,541 Go home and change. 538 00:29:38,697 --> 00:29:39,697 I know. 539 00:29:41,039 --> 00:29:42,647 We'll have lunch at home. 540 00:29:56,175 --> 00:29:57,677 Your dad is so nice. 541 00:29:58,396 --> 00:29:59,136 He's all right. 542 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,874 When he looked at my bottom, he quoted poetry. 543 00:30:03,449 --> 00:30:05,099 We're very different people. 544 00:30:06,670 --> 00:30:11,123 "Oh rose, thou art sick! The invisible worm." 545 00:30:12,151 --> 00:30:13,040 What? 546 00:30:13,243 --> 00:30:14,935 I was your brother's girlfriend. 547 00:30:15,121 --> 00:30:17,635 What we did was wrong and now it's poisoning everything, 548 00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:19,781 - like the poem! - Poisoning, what? 549 00:30:26,547 --> 00:30:27,628 What are you doing here? 550 00:30:28,012 --> 00:30:32,260 Estelle's upstairs, getting changed, and then we're gonna have lunch. 551 00:30:32,468 --> 00:30:33,635 Just the two of us. 552 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,023 Wow, you look fantastic! 553 00:31:29,869 --> 00:31:32,185 - Yeah, I'm in a little bit of a hurry... - You've gotta eat. 554 00:31:43,542 --> 00:31:46,765 It's nice to... It's nice to share, don't you think? 555 00:31:47,356 --> 00:31:51,292 - You know, share... - A prawn sandwich. 556 00:31:52,288 --> 00:31:54,837 You know, we spend so little time together, and... 557 00:31:55,418 --> 00:31:57,156 ...we're not gonna live forever, now are we? 558 00:31:58,173 --> 00:32:01,876 So this prawn sandwich, did you make it yourself? 559 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,475 No. No, I bought it at a petrol station. 560 00:32:06,922 --> 00:32:08,430 That's romantic. 561 00:32:08,797 --> 00:32:11,771 Actually, it doesn't have that stapled together look you usually find 562 00:32:11,931 --> 00:32:13,379 in the commercial sandwich. 563 00:32:13,667 --> 00:32:15,743 No, well, you see, I opened it. 564 00:32:15,898 --> 00:32:19,066 And added an extra ingredient. 565 00:32:19,269 --> 00:32:20,397 Like what? 566 00:32:21,563 --> 00:32:23,182 Try it, tell me what you think. 567 00:32:29,725 --> 00:32:30,912 Plastic? 568 00:32:31,695 --> 00:32:33,378 - Darling! - No, no. 569 00:32:34,214 --> 00:32:35,924 It's a nice sandwich. It's a lovely sandwich. 570 00:32:36,123 --> 00:32:38,054 And it's so sweet of you to be eating it with me. 571 00:32:38,215 --> 00:32:40,514 You, me, and a prawn sandwich. 572 00:32:43,018 --> 00:32:44,406 How does it make you feel? 573 00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:47,415 - The sandwich? - The sandwich. 574 00:32:56,062 --> 00:32:57,877 Hey, oh God! 575 00:33:01,675 --> 00:33:03,193 It really... really hits the spot. 576 00:33:03,341 --> 00:33:06,887 Does it? Does it make you feel... tingly? 577 00:33:07,708 --> 00:33:10,450 Yes, it does, actually, I feel really warm. 578 00:33:10,779 --> 00:33:11,856 Do you feel warm? 579 00:33:13,230 --> 00:33:14,827 I'm starting to feel very warm. 580 00:33:15,913 --> 00:33:18,352 - Oh, you've got these amazing... - What? 581 00:33:18,666 --> 00:33:19,891 Sort of arms. 582 00:33:20,375 --> 00:33:21,791 Got legs, too. 583 00:33:22,111 --> 00:33:23,767 - And... - And what? 584 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,610 - Thighs. - Thighs! 585 00:33:27,852 --> 00:33:31,942 Thighs, thighs, thighs, thighs, thighs. 586 00:33:34,179 --> 00:33:36,766 - Estelle, are you...? - Am I what? 587 00:33:36,942 --> 00:33:38,933 Am I mad with desire? Am I swept away? 588 00:33:40,531 --> 00:33:42,197 I don't know, Paul. 589 00:33:43,338 --> 00:33:47,646 I don't know myself anymore! I'm out at sea in a boat, 590 00:33:47,822 --> 00:33:50,608 I'm drowning in honey, I'm up a tower, 591 00:33:50,804 --> 00:33:55,708 I'm up a huge, knobbly tower. I'm high on eulalia leaves. 592 00:33:58,064 --> 00:34:00,656 - Which one of them told you? - Does it really matter? 593 00:34:00,874 --> 00:34:02,832 What matters is that you have so little respect for me, 594 00:34:02,966 --> 00:34:06,209 you think you can turn me on by doctoring a prawn sandwich? 595 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:07,881 What's happened to you, Paul? 596 00:34:08,711 --> 00:34:10,836 I just can't deal with this right now. 597 00:34:12,060 --> 00:34:13,600 Oh, get out. 598 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:40,853 Can I hear your speech? 599 00:34:56,684 --> 00:34:57,712 You okay? 600 00:34:58,377 --> 00:34:59,757 Not really, no. 601 00:35:00,251 --> 00:35:03,432 - My marriage is in ruins. - It's always in ruins. 602 00:35:03,689 --> 00:35:05,302 And then you build it back up again. 603 00:35:06,025 --> 00:35:09,136 What's that smell? It's not aftershave. 604 00:35:09,307 --> 00:35:13,038 No, it's a... prawn flavoured shirt. Had a bit of an accident. 605 00:35:14,636 --> 00:35:16,483 One of them's still here. 606 00:35:16,802 --> 00:35:19,465 She's been here for hours. We've offered her some tea. 607 00:35:19,747 --> 00:35:21,121 Can't work out what she wants. 608 00:35:22,351 --> 00:35:24,387 Arranged marriages are probably the best, aren't they? 609 00:35:25,383 --> 00:35:27,380 That way you don't expect love. 610 00:35:28,721 --> 00:35:31,010 You can't see your wife's angry mouth... 611 00:35:32,268 --> 00:35:33,826 ...inside a burka. 612 00:35:36,679 --> 00:35:37,947 I'd better get on. 613 00:35:40,095 --> 00:35:41,868 What do you mean we just screw? 614 00:35:42,066 --> 00:35:44,501 For God's sakes, Dan, Laura's trying to say something to you! 615 00:35:44,633 --> 00:35:46,066 The least you could do is listen to her! 616 00:35:46,263 --> 00:35:49,795 She feels used by you after you... you branded her! 617 00:35:50,029 --> 00:35:52,075 - She feels... - How do you know how she feels? 618 00:35:52,826 --> 00:35:56,523 Because unlike you, I try to stay friends with people after I've gone out with them. 619 00:35:56,704 --> 00:35:59,231 Don't think this new man act fools me, Rory! 620 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,905 You're just pissed off that I've got Laura! 621 00:36:01,140 --> 00:36:03,683 I don't think you have got me, actually! 622 00:36:06,125 --> 00:36:08,722 Girl shouting at boys? We're all doing it. 623 00:36:09,085 --> 00:36:11,121 Yeah, we heard. Are you all right? 624 00:36:12,639 --> 00:36:13,789 I'm fine. 625 00:36:14,478 --> 00:36:17,007 I tried to bring them up right, Laura, I tried to teach them to respect 626 00:36:17,156 --> 00:36:20,364 and understand women, but it seems only one of them was listening. 627 00:36:22,334 --> 00:36:23,609 I wonder which one that was. 628 00:36:30,686 --> 00:36:34,944 All our garments are fully Islamic and conform to holy specifications. 629 00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:36,536 Who's it for? 630 00:36:36,770 --> 00:36:38,650 - It's for my wife. - Your wife's a Muslim? 631 00:36:38,895 --> 00:36:42,568 Yes. Yes, I should've mentioned it earlier, but yes, she is a Muslim. 632 00:36:42,788 --> 00:36:44,380 She's incredibly Muslim, in fact. 633 00:36:44,748 --> 00:36:46,564 She went over earlier this year, 634 00:36:46,708 --> 00:36:49,652 and just seem to get more Muslim with every moment that passes. 635 00:36:50,105 --> 00:36:52,156 Good to hear it. And the size? 636 00:36:54,541 --> 00:36:55,776 About here. 637 00:36:56,549 --> 00:36:59,580 Okay, so what are you after? A burka? 638 00:37:00,426 --> 00:37:02,583 We have the complete Hijab collection. 639 00:37:03,275 --> 00:37:08,283 Perhaps a below knee length, loose-fitting shalwar kameez, 640 00:37:08,528 --> 00:37:10,139 with pockets and a hood? 641 00:37:11,294 --> 00:37:12,868 No, I think I'll pass on the... 642 00:37:15,344 --> 00:37:17,722 Just a bog standard burka, I think. 643 00:37:17,946 --> 00:37:18,910 And colour? 644 00:37:19,685 --> 00:37:21,948 Well, black's slimming, isn't it? 645 00:37:22,529 --> 00:37:26,394 And also, she'll need some Islamic shoes and gloves if you have any. 646 00:37:26,986 --> 00:37:28,277 Well, sandals are quite suitable, 647 00:37:28,442 --> 00:37:31,884 but I'm not sure gloves are Islamic garment as such. 648 00:37:33,272 --> 00:37:34,726 She's got big hands. 649 00:37:35,055 --> 00:37:36,254 And enormous feet. 650 00:37:36,419 --> 00:37:37,870 You have your hands full, boy. 651 00:37:39,009 --> 00:37:40,505 I certainly do. 652 00:38:10,432 --> 00:38:13,810 I am Yasmine. Hello! 653 00:38:20,086 --> 00:38:21,284 I'm so sorry. 654 00:38:21,779 --> 00:38:23,270 I thought this was the gents. 655 00:38:36,343 --> 00:38:37,846 Excuse me. 656 00:38:38,314 --> 00:38:40,310 This is the gents. 657 00:38:43,619 --> 00:38:46,238 I am Yasmine. Sorry! 658 00:38:48,303 --> 00:38:49,873 The drawing on the door... 659 00:38:51,183 --> 00:38:52,637 That means men. 660 00:38:53,516 --> 00:38:56,105 Ah, men. Peace be upon you. 661 00:39:03,993 --> 00:39:06,447 - Where do you want to be, then? - Anywhere you're not, actually. 662 00:39:06,602 --> 00:39:07,950 I've had enough boys for today. 663 00:39:08,126 --> 00:39:09,573 Why don't you go to mum's talk? 664 00:39:10,271 --> 00:39:12,397 - What's it about? - Women going back to work. 665 00:39:13,233 --> 00:39:14,186 That sounds quite good. 666 00:39:14,372 --> 00:39:15,155 Why? 667 00:39:15,310 --> 00:39:17,152 Because she needs all the female support she can get. 668 00:39:17,716 --> 00:39:20,882 See? He actually thinks about people. 669 00:39:21,638 --> 00:39:22,464 Come on, guys. 670 00:39:38,849 --> 00:39:39,397 Creep. 671 00:39:40,116 --> 00:39:40,851 Pub? 672 00:39:42,395 --> 00:39:44,806 I'd never have my name tattooed on a woman's arse. 673 00:39:45,078 --> 00:39:45,866 Yeah, well... 674 00:39:46,031 --> 00:39:47,969 I have quite considerable powers of persuasion. 675 00:39:48,384 --> 00:39:49,610 It's just naff. 676 00:39:50,206 --> 00:39:52,165 I don't belive she really wanted that done. 677 00:39:59,419 --> 00:40:00,537 I'm out of here. 678 00:40:02,075 --> 00:40:03,229 I won't say it again. 679 00:40:04,945 --> 00:40:10,724 You have to buy a ticket. It costs 15 pounds for the afternoon session. 680 00:40:12,955 --> 00:40:17,911 Money in other burka. Other burka in wash. 681 00:40:38,699 --> 00:40:40,009 Oh, hello. 682 00:40:42,484 --> 00:40:45,522 Do you understand English? 683 00:40:47,484 --> 00:40:49,358 Have you come to listen to the talk? 684 00:40:50,930 --> 00:40:52,485 God, you're tall. 685 00:40:53,071 --> 00:40:56,558 It's really un-pc of me, but I always think of you people as small. 686 00:41:00,108 --> 00:41:02,361 And you're very lovely. 687 00:41:03,384 --> 00:41:04,922 Do sit down. 688 00:41:12,563 --> 00:41:18,115 Back in 1989, as few as 17% of women with two children or more 689 00:41:18,769 --> 00:41:23,041 returned to the workplace between the ages of 24 and 40... 690 00:41:23,260 --> 00:41:28,256 By 1999, with 12% growth in the number of single parent households 691 00:41:28,515 --> 00:41:33,199 and the shift was more flexible working hours, 39%... 692 00:41:37,913 --> 00:41:40,108 Look, I've got a lot of statistics prepared... 693 00:41:40,918 --> 00:41:43,264 But I think it's better that I speak from the heart here. 694 00:41:46,173 --> 00:41:49,636 I was terrified of going back to work, I was married very young, 695 00:41:49,775 --> 00:41:52,266 I spent 20 years budgeting the weekly shopping, 696 00:41:52,415 --> 00:41:54,859 stopping my boys from killing each other, 697 00:41:55,467 --> 00:41:58,120 negotiating the minefield of the schoolgates, you know... 698 00:41:58,408 --> 00:42:01,693 All those competitive women with their 4-wheel drives bigger than my house... 699 00:42:03,398 --> 00:42:06,289 And I suddenly thought: this is perfect training. 700 00:42:06,598 --> 00:42:10,092 We, women, we know that we're fantastic in the workplace. 701 00:42:11,125 --> 00:42:13,265 But our main problem is men! 702 00:42:15,065 --> 00:42:17,768 Men like to talk first, they like to talk loudest, 703 00:42:18,008 --> 00:42:21,705 they like to talk longest, they have this desperate need to be in control. 704 00:42:21,955 --> 00:42:23,669 The bastards simply don't listen! 705 00:42:30,341 --> 00:42:32,240 I bet that's true in your culture. 706 00:42:35,015 --> 00:42:37,369 What are men supposed to do with all that testosterone? 707 00:42:37,513 --> 00:42:40,005 I do know it is a problem that they face. 708 00:42:40,729 --> 00:42:43,375 For the last time: it's women only! 709 00:42:43,508 --> 00:42:46,788 - I am a woman, you numpty! - Then behave like one! 710 00:42:46,916 --> 00:42:49,443 What do I have to do, eh? Get my fanny out and wave it in your face? 711 00:42:49,667 --> 00:42:52,320 You are not a woman. Out! 712 00:42:54,795 --> 00:42:55,621 Right. 713 00:42:55,779 --> 00:42:58,612 From now on, I'm sticking to women. 714 00:43:05,612 --> 00:43:09,991 Thank you for those words, Estelle. I think you surprised us there. 715 00:43:10,401 --> 00:43:12,462 And you surprised yourself, too. 716 00:43:12,824 --> 00:43:17,378 Right, now, do we have any questions from the floor? 717 00:43:19,768 --> 00:43:23,675 Lady in the burka. You've written it out, have you? 718 00:43:24,308 --> 00:43:25,506 Let me take it. 719 00:43:26,766 --> 00:43:27,395 Right. 720 00:43:29,004 --> 00:43:32,178 Would you like me to read it out? 721 00:43:40,730 --> 00:43:43,692 You were great. Your speech was brilliant. 722 00:43:44,001 --> 00:43:45,332 I'm so proud of you. 723 00:43:45,609 --> 00:43:48,441 I think you're clever and funny, and sexy, 724 00:43:48,601 --> 00:43:50,331 and everything anyone should ever be. 725 00:43:51,008 --> 00:43:54,448 I know I didn't support you enough, but I'm trying. I really am. 726 00:43:55,263 --> 00:43:57,009 Also, I love you. 727 00:43:57,892 --> 00:43:59,026 Is that okay? 728 00:44:06,861 --> 00:44:07,841 Thank you, uhm... 729 00:44:08,667 --> 00:44:09,748 Yasmine. 730 00:44:10,684 --> 00:44:11,802 Yasmine. 731 00:44:12,888 --> 00:44:15,943 Yasmine has made a very good point that... 732 00:44:16,672 --> 00:44:19,878 Whatever their shortcomings, men, or some men anyway, 733 00:44:20,197 --> 00:44:25,097 will go to extraordinary lengths to do anything for the woman they love. 734 00:44:25,433 --> 00:44:27,854 I've been married to my husband for 20 years, 735 00:44:28,024 --> 00:44:29,728 and we do have our moments, but... 736 00:44:30,469 --> 00:44:32,087 I am still crazy about him. 737 00:44:33,041 --> 00:44:37,302 And I'd like to thank you, Yasmine, for reminding us all about that. 738 00:44:37,765 --> 00:44:39,806 Thank you, Mrs Slippery. 739 00:44:40,253 --> 00:44:43,452 Peace be upon you, you wonderful woman. 740 00:44:45,563 --> 00:44:49,403 Get off me, you evil lesbo bitch! 741 00:44:51,538 --> 00:44:54,989 That's right, call me a lesbian! Typical man! 742 00:44:57,833 --> 00:45:02,221 Oh, you are so loving this, you... beanflicker! 743 00:45:09,465 --> 00:45:12,159 Paul, darling, please, take that thing off! 744 00:45:12,425 --> 00:45:15,269 I did take it off. Then I put it back on again. I really like it. 745 00:45:15,424 --> 00:45:16,824 Yeah, I notice. 746 00:45:17,064 --> 00:45:20,402 It's just so fantastic to be able to see out and no one else can see in. 747 00:45:20,669 --> 00:45:24,774 Are you sure that's what it is or does it afford you a deeper satisfaction? 748 00:45:25,024 --> 00:45:26,775 I feel like a birdwatcher in a hide. 749 00:45:26,962 --> 00:45:28,889 These Islamic women are really good at sussed. 750 00:45:35,396 --> 00:45:36,792 Enough dancing! 751 00:45:39,944 --> 00:45:42,373 Daniel told me he was thinking of moving out. 752 00:45:42,697 --> 00:45:44,998 - He's not gonna move out, is he? - He might. 753 00:45:45,311 --> 00:45:47,170 I don't want Daniel to move out. 754 00:45:48,927 --> 00:45:50,774 I suppose they'll all go eventually. 755 00:45:52,265 --> 00:45:53,458 I suppose they will. 756 00:45:55,402 --> 00:45:56,935 And how will we deal with that? 757 00:45:57,473 --> 00:45:58,883 Like we deal with everything else. 758 00:45:59,224 --> 00:46:00,231 Badly. 759 00:46:03,005 --> 00:46:04,437 Islamic physical jerks. 760 00:46:05,405 --> 00:46:06,209 No. 761 00:46:08,131 --> 00:46:10,155 Have you ever made love to a man dressed in a burka? 762 00:46:10,394 --> 00:46:12,652 No, and I don't propose to start now. 763 00:46:15,086 --> 00:46:16,880 I had a phone call from Mr Proek. 764 00:46:17,061 --> 00:46:19,235 He told me he's had sex eight times this afternoon. 765 00:46:19,388 --> 00:46:20,986 Oh my God, why did he tell you? 766 00:46:21,539 --> 00:46:22,764 I'm a doctor. 767 00:46:24,048 --> 00:46:25,000 So you are. 768 00:46:25,369 --> 00:46:28,387 If I took my burka off, do you think we might make passionate love? 769 00:46:28,643 --> 00:46:30,773 Well, it's certainly won't be possible if you leave it on. 770 00:46:32,319 --> 00:46:33,725 Well, I need to keep it on for a bit. 771 00:46:33,932 --> 00:46:36,697 I need to feel like an Islamic woman. 772 00:46:37,441 --> 00:46:39,183 I think it's my way through to being a new man. 773 00:46:39,358 --> 00:46:41,648 "You make me feel like..." 774 00:46:43,789 --> 00:46:45,302 Your speech was bloody good. 775 00:46:45,572 --> 00:46:46,770 Thank you. 776 00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:50,561 I love you. 777 00:46:54,548 --> 00:46:56,806 I'm gonna come to bed very soon, but right now, 778 00:46:57,174 --> 00:46:58,761 I'm in the burka. 779 00:47:01,940 --> 00:47:05,823 Islamic sitting. Islamic sleep.