1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,480 This programme contains some strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,120 # Simply amazing, unique and new Every man's waking dream 3 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:13,720 # Dazzling, eccentric, recherche Suave, the poetry... # 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,280 I don't want to be in your bloody videos! 5 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,040 Welcome to the French & Saunders show and our wonderful world 6 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,760 of star-studded showbusiness and entertainment, 7 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,880 back on the air again due to overwhelming public demand. 8 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,480 # French and Saunders Saunders 9 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,680 # Ba-badoo-ee-oo... # 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,240 ALL: # French and Saunders 11 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,000 # Ba-badoo-ee-oo... # 12 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,000 # French and Saunders! # 13 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,240 HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 14 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,120 Waaah! 15 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,760 KNOCK AT DOOR Who is it? 16 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,680 It's me - comedy partner. 17 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,640 Please can I come in? I'm absolutely exhausted. 18 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,240 WHISPERS: Damn! 19 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,160 I tell you, if I have to think about sex one more time, 20 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,840 I'm just going to faint. 21 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,640 KNOCK AT DOOR 22 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,800 Who is it? 23 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,600 It's me. 24 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,360 Who's me? 25 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,240 It's Dawn French, your comedy partner. 26 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,000 Why am I still having to tell you who I am? 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,400 Cos I don't know who you are. 28 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,640 It's been 300 cocking years! 29 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,800 Well, come in, then. 30 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,720 Where are you? Here. Oh, there you are. 31 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,560 Praise be. 32 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,720 And I would say, "Blessed be the fruit," but I'm absolutely furious. 33 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,880 Can you please just say "wings"? 34 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,000 Wings. Thank you. 35 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,040 Praise be. 36 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,200 Right, let me run this by you, OK? How long have you been in here? 37 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:37,440 300 years. Right, so that's pre-Gilead days, isn't it? Yes. 38 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:41,480 Right, you are not going to believe this. No, I'm not. I'm not, am I? 39 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,160 No. I'm not. 40 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,880 Out there, I am the most fertile woman alive. 41 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,680 All right? 42 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:55,840 And I am 60, and I've got no tubes or eggs, so what's that all about? 43 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,320 I don't know. 44 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,760 And let me just run this by you, see if you think it's all right. OK. 45 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,280 As the Handmaiden, right, I have to be penetrated through my pants 46 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,120 by my Commander whenever he feels like it 47 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,840 just so that I can spread his seed. 48 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,680 That's not right, is it? 49 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,320 Let me show you what they do, right? 50 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,920 Let me show you what they do. 51 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,000 You, right, are the barren wife. 52 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,120 Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. 53 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,480 Now everyone knows. You've told everyone now. 54 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,160 Sorry to be so insensitive, but it's true, right? 55 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,360 And you're cross and haughty, aren't you? 56 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,800 You're sitting there. Just spread your legs, put them up there. 57 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,800 Don't get funny. 58 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,320 That ain't happening after 300 years, is it? 59 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,560 Dream on, babe. 60 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,200 They throw me down on the bed, right? 61 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,120 Hold my hands, like that. Hold my hands. And he's on top of me, right? 62 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,400 And he's penetrating me through my gusset 63 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,200 and he's going, "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!" Like this. 64 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,160 Yeah. While you are watching. 65 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,760 Yes, cos I want a baby, don't I? I say, "May the Lord open," don't I? 66 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,200 Yes, listen, believe me, I want to give you a baby, 67 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,840 may the Lord open and deliver a new keeper, praise be, 68 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:09,120 but not as a human slave, if that's all right with you. 69 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,760 Well, why don't you just run away before I beat you to oblivion? 70 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,960 What, run out that door? Do you know what would happen? 71 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,200 I would be stoned to death if I went out there. 72 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,800 Do you know what happens to me in this? No, can you not tell me? 73 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,760 Cos I'm going to watch the box set all at once. 74 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,440 Is Nicole Kidman in this one? 75 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,520 Well, no, not YET. Oh... 76 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,840 This is the only television she currently ISN'T in, right? 77 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,200 But, look, I can't hang around here all day 78 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,120 because there's Eyes all over me. 79 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,600 Eyes. Are you Eyes? No, no, no. 80 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,240 I'm not convinced. 81 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,200 I have to get on. 82 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,600 It's a very busy day because all I'm allowed to do 83 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,240 is look straight ahead and buy loads of oranges. 84 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,080 That's all I'm allowed to do. 85 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,920 Please say "wings". Wings. 86 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,160 That's it. 87 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,760 Right. 88 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,520 Good morning, under His Eye. 89 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,400 Under His Eye, good morning. 90 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,120 You can close your legs now. 91 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,360 I think I can see my grandad in there! 92 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,080 Oh! 93 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,760 # And basically 94 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,040 # And basically 95 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:35,080 # And basically I'm a star. # 96 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:10,440 We was all laughing at you in gym the other day. You weren't. 97 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:14,240 We were. We was all laughing at you in gym the other day. Why? 98 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,080 Cos you had a great big poo stripe on your pants, that's why. 99 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,520 I never had a poo stripe on my pants! 100 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:27,160 I didn't! Poo stripe, poo stripe! I never had a poo stripe on my pants! 101 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:31,320 You did! I didn't. At least my mother can sew! 102 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,280 Don't talk about my family. Your mother can't even sew properly. 103 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,600 Don't talk about my family! 104 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,240 Your family, your family, your family! 105 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,520 Ha! 106 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,760 Look at your legs! 107 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,680 If you tell the doctor you don't want to go on the Pill, 108 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,480 you know what he'll do. What? 109 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,840 He'll insert a UFO inside you, won't he? 110 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,280 Do you know what one of those is, or not? 111 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,200 Not. 112 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,200 Right. Other name - coil. Do you know what a Slinky looks like? Yes. 113 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,320 Well, it's like a huge Slinky and it's got barbed wire on it 114 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,680 and they squish it all up and stuff it up inside your bladder 115 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,760 and it hooks on and it stops babies. 116 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,800 The only drawback is, you can get out of control 117 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,280 going up and down stairs, that's all. 118 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,120 You know Cookie Crew, right? I know Cookie Crew, all right? 119 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,000 It's a name a bit like that, right? They're called the Cookie Crew. 120 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,120 Yeah. We could be called the Biscuit Rappers. 121 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,840 Do you get it? 122 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:42,080 Do you get it? Because, like, we're both rappers, aren't we, 123 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,080 and we're both...biscuits. 124 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,760 Not having second thoughts about the double wedding, are you? 125 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,640 Oh, no, I think it's a really romantic idea. 126 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:54,080 Now, what about, erm, we have to book a course of tanning sessions. 127 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,200 Tanning, yes. Manicure. Mmm. 128 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,480 Pedicure. Mm-hm. Bikini wax. 129 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,160 Oh, I've had that done already. 130 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,160 Oh, you'll be stubbly on the day. 131 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,080 Ohhh! 132 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,000 MEOWING So sweet! 133 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,520 Ohhhh! 134 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,680 This little kitten wonders where his mummy is. 135 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,080 They're gorgeous! 136 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,840 They're just so lovely and fluffy! 137 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,360 Fluffy! 138 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,200 Look at this one, Leanne. 139 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,040 It's a kitten jumping into a paper bag. Aw... 140 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,240 You know, that's reversible, Jackie. Oh, is it? 141 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,640 Oh, kitten jumping OUT of a paper bag! 142 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,520 Ohhh, that's just darling... DOORBELL RINGS 143 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,000 Amazon! Oh! 144 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,800 More kitten toys? Yes. Ooh-ooh, exciting, exciting! 145 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,360 Oh, look, Jackie! 146 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,920 It's a Kitty Complex! 147 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:57,800 Any kitten would love that. I would love that. Yes. That's gorgeous! 148 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,200 I would live in that. 149 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,640 Oh, look! 150 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,520 Jackie? Yes? 151 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,080 Do you think you'd ever get a real kitten, Jackie? 152 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,480 No, Leanne, no. 153 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,000 But why, Jackie? 154 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,000 Because of the poo. 155 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,320 Oh, the poo! Oh, the poo! 156 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,800 Horrible! 157 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,960 It's horrible! It's horrible! 158 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,360 You feeling any better, then? 159 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:44,120 CROAKY VOICE: Your mother sucks jelly babies in hell! 160 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,320 Oh, she does not. 161 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,720 I've been looking at this Home Doctor book here 162 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,400 and I think I might have put my finger on something. 163 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,440 Have you got a temperature? 164 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,000 SHE RASPS 165 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,120 Stick out your tongue. 166 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,920 Aaah... 167 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,760 MUFFLED: Aaah... 168 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,040 That's nasty, isn't it? Well, I think we're looking at cystitis. 169 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,360 She, apparently, 170 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,680 is now having an affair 171 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,160 with a man that's doing it 172 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,880 with a porcupine. No! 173 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,560 Not porcupine, sorry. 174 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,840 Concubine. That's what I'm trying to say. 175 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,040 Delicious. 176 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,160 I'm so glad you like it, Grandalf. 177 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,160 Oh, hang on. 178 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,720 What? 179 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,440 You should have this cup. 180 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,120 You should have this cup. 181 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,840 No, but, you see, I'm the giant. I have this big cup. I know that. 182 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,440 That's why you should have this cup. I should have the big one. 183 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,840 It makes me look smaller. No, cos if you... No, no. 184 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,080 Be like us and learn your trade on Crackerjack! 185 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,080 25 years, man and boy. 186 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,800 I'm a 45-year-old woman. 187 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,480 BOTH: Fandabidozi! 188 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,880 Good morning. 189 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,640 Good morning. Sit down, please. 190 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,800 What did the Krankies say to you? 191 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,960 They said, "Fandabidozi." 192 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,200 SHE SNIFFS 193 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,040 Mmm. 194 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,880 You wear Pretty Peach skin cream. 195 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,920 SHE SNIFFS 196 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:54,280 And sometimes Mum roll-on deodorant. 197 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,920 Timber! 198 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:13,400 Whee! Looka here! Mr and Mrs Lovey-Dovey. 199 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,600 Mr and Mrs Lovey-Dovey-Dovey-Dovey-Dovey-Dovey. 200 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,120 I reckon you're going to want to wrap your legs round him 201 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,560 in a cabin tonight, ain't ya, missy? 202 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,520 Mm-hm-hm! 203 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,640 And if you think I'm going to lay nearby trying to sleep 204 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,240 while you two wimble-wimble, pokey-pokey-friggy all night, 205 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,880 well, you've got another one of them thinkings coming, cos I just ain't. 206 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,400 GROWLING ROAR 207 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,880 VOICEOVER: Troy. 208 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,040 Is there no-one else? 209 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,760 SHOUTS: Is there no-one else? 210 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,440 Arm! 211 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:00,880 VOICEOVER: How much hate could one person have? 212 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,560 Don't push me. 213 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,520 It's my time of the month. 214 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,680 Help me on with my dress, Mummy. 215 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,160 I'm not your mummy, I'm Mammy. 216 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,200 Oh, my good God, Thelma. 217 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,600 What are we going to do? 218 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,480 I ain't going to give up now. I can't go back! 219 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,080 Keep going. 220 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,360 What do you mean? 221 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,840 Go! Straight to comedy heaven, Louise. 222 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,560 Immortalised for ever. 223 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,680 ENGINE STARTS 224 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,280 SHE GROANS 225 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,200 SHE GROWLS 226 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,560 I'm ruddy FUMING! 227 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,840 I've just seen it. I've just seen it now. 228 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,480 I've just come from the pictures now. And? And what? 229 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,920 And I'm not in it. 230 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,880 I, the ACTUAL Wonder Woman, 231 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,120 am NOT in the film named after me. 232 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:43,680 But why? They've used another person to play ME! I don't understand why. 233 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,000 Why have they? 234 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,480 I mean, back in the day, Lynda Carter at least called me up, 235 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,280 asked my advice. They INVOLVED me. These people - nothing. 236 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,800 Did they even ask you to audition? 237 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,960 Audition?! 238 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,920 I AM Wonder Woman! 239 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,160 I don't have to audition! All right, let's do the checklist. 240 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,520 All right, number one - am I the daughter of two gods? 241 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,520 Yes. Yes, I am. 242 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,560 Tick that box, because I am the daughter of Mars and Twix. Yes. 243 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:19,800 Tick! Number two - do I have super-fast reactions? Yes. 244 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,320 Yes, I do. Throw those oranges at me now. Throw them at me. 245 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,720 Oh, careful! Careful! 246 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,120 I wasn't charged up yet. I wasn't ready. 247 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,240 You could have had my eye out then. 248 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:34,560 Sorry, sorry. Right, number three - do I have super-fast running skills? 249 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,800 Yes. 250 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:41,280 Now, did you see that? I've just been to Land's End and back. 251 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,960 I could have done it faster if I had a better bra on, obviously. 252 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,560 Was it all right in Land's End? 253 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,920 I think they've ruined it, haven't they, Land's End. 254 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,880 It's very touristy. Very touristy. 255 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,880 It used to be wild, and now it's just a kiosk and some rides. 256 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,240 Anyway, anyway, anyway, number four on the checklist - 257 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:03,520 do I have superlative musculature? Obvs. Yes, I do. 258 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,080 So, all boxes ticked. Yes. How dare they! 259 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,040 Are you even earning anything from the new film? 260 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:14,320 Absolutely nothing, no, no. Not even getting something out the back end? 261 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,360 I'm very sorry about that. I have got a gippy tummy, sorry. 262 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:23,480 I'm so sorry. No, I mean royalties. No, absolutely nada. 263 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,080 To be honest, I feel redundant. 264 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,280 Ooh! Ow! 265 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,360 How's Thor feeling about it all? 266 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,920 Thor? Mm. He's in pieces. 267 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:40,520 And not just because they've got an Australian to play him. Yes. 268 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,200 It's not that. He can deal with his own pain about that. 269 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,960 It's more that he feels very defensive about his brother Loki. 270 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,000 Oh, played by Tom Hiddleston. Yes. Yes. 271 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,040 Tom Hiddleston! I mean, did you ever meet the real Loki? No. 272 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,640 He was an evil giant! Was he? Yeah. 273 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,320 Not an Old Etonian English string bean, frankly! 274 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:00,560 No! I've got to tell you, they are furious up there in Olympia. 275 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,880 Absolutely. 276 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,880 I wouldn't be surprised if another Armageddon is on its way 277 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,600 if any more of this thoughtless casting continues. 278 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,080 And I'll tell you what really does upset me. Yes? 279 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,280 It's all the people out there on the street, you know, 280 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,920 because there was a woman out there 281 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,120 looking at me just now and she's looking at me 282 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,960 and she's thinking, "Oh, there's a woman dressed up like Wonder Woman." 283 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,600 And she doesn't know! 284 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,520 But surely what's worse is, there's actual adults with brains 285 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:32,800 going to see these films. Yes! And BELIEVING them! Believing them. 286 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,840 Believing that those are the real people. Yes. 287 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,640 Do you know what it makes me feel like? What? 288 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,440 It makes me feel like I don't want 289 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,720 to attend any more disasters ever again. 290 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,840 Oh, no! No, I'm throwing the towel in. 291 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,480 Oh, no! Don't be like that! Don't be like that! 292 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,720 Sort out your own catastrophes! 293 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:53,280 Go on, let's see if your expensive CGI and all your big props 294 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,560 and all your sound effects and everything, 295 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,320 see if they save lives and rescue our planet! 296 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,560 You all right? I'm sorry I'm ranting, Jen. 297 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,040 It's just, this stuff matters. 298 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,320 Yes, casting's important, casting's important. Yeah, it is, yeah. 299 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:14,080 Who would you approve of to play you? Oh, that's quite a good idea. 300 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,200 Well, someone who looks like me for a start. 301 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,880 What about Catherine Zeta-Jones? 302 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,360 Too old. Yes. Far too old. 303 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,840 Far too old, yeah. 304 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,320 Er... Oh, I know - Cara Delevingne. 305 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,400 Yes. Oh, yes. She's good. She'd be good. Or Beyonce is the spit for me. 306 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,480 Yes. Yeah, yeah. 307 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,200 Well, I understand your anger at the casting, but can you imagine 308 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,120 how Batman feels with all the people that have played him? 309 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,080 Can you imagine how the actual Batman feels? Batman? 310 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,400 Yes, the actual Batman. 311 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,120 Batman's dead, Jennifer. 312 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,000 The actual Batman? 313 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,600 Batman wasn't immortal, was he? He's not a god, like me. 314 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,920 Don't you know that? 315 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:58,000 Oh, no. Oh, no, this is awful. 316 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,040 You didn't even know that, did you? 317 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,840 Sometimes you do say silly, stupid things and you end up 318 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,400 looking like a complete idiot, and this is one of those moments. 319 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,040 I have to say I'm dripping with humiliation 320 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,880 even standing near you, I have to say. Just cut me out of this. 321 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,320 I don't want to be associated with this. Keep it on her. 322 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:20,360 Point it to her. Look at the idiot. Look at the IDIOT! 323 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,920 Look at her. Look at her. 324 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,240 Now we're back in the cottage in Wiltshire 325 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,120 with Giles and Mary. 326 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,440 You know what the problem with those two is, don't you, Nutty? Yes, Mary. 327 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,760 Is it their Kleinian need to misbehave, 328 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,560 thereby revisiting their childhood? 329 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,960 Blood and sand! What's the matter? Blood and sand! I've cut my finger! 330 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,760 What, completely off? 331 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,440 No, it's just sort of dangling. 332 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,800 No, Nutty. 333 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,480 Uh? It's too much... 334 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,520 Chocolate? Coffee. 335 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,200 Coffee. 336 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,440 Yes. 337 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,600 VEHICLE APPROACHES 338 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,680 Got ya! Where's the other bloody bugger? I was going for a brace. 339 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,400 In the wheel arch, here with me. There you are. 340 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,160 Wonderful! I'll get the tractor to you later. All right. 341 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,920 Did you find that funny, Mary? 342 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,040 You don't really have a sense of humour, do you, Nutty? 343 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,480 I do, Nutty. You know I do, Nutty. 344 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,560 You know what the problem with these two is, don't you, Nutty? 345 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,440 Yes, Nutty. 346 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,240 Coffee. 347 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,400 No, Nutty. 348 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,920 Skunk. 349 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,520 TV: And now a Christmas message from Sue Lawley. 350 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,200 BOTH: Sue Lawley?! 351 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,360 Well, let's hope that's the last we see of those two, Nutty. 352 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,240 Oh, you're not even there. 353 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,360 Yes, I am, Nutty. 354 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,240 But only just. 355 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,320 Now, some of you may remember that, some time ago, 356 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,040 we visited the lively duo who run Prickly Pear Farm, 357 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,080 and we've popped back there from time to time 358 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,520 to see how the enterprise is progressing. 359 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,960 Let's have a look back to remind ourselves. 360 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,480 Whatever animal's done this has got a tummy upset and worms. 361 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,280 I'd stake my trousers on it. 362 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,440 Yeah, that's Rex, that one. 363 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,360 It's Rex, isn't it, Dot? 364 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,160 Yeah, we just seen him do it. Yeah, it's Rex, thank you. 365 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,920 SHE SNIFFS 366 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:01,560 I tell you what else we do just to make a few bob is dog looky-likeys. 367 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,960 Who do you think it is? 368 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,120 It's Posh Spice. 369 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:06,360 Looks exactly like her, doesn't it? 370 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,160 Our film crew went down to Prickly Pear Farm 371 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,640 to see how things are going now. 372 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,240 So, as you know, we're always looking for ways 373 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,480 to keep changing and trying to keep going and, at the moment, 374 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:24,960 we're diversi-fucking into having burials here, natural burials. 375 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,720 All dead, aren't they? 376 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,240 Yeah, they're all dead before we bury them. All dead. Yeah. 377 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,360 Except the one that just... He sits up, doesn't he, that one. 378 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,320 He sits up, goes, "Good morning! Good morning!" 379 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,520 No, no, no, that was your father, wasn't it? 380 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,520 He was just having a nap and you rolled him up in a sheet, 381 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,480 didn't you, so we nearly did bury him after all! 382 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,200 But we didn't in the end cos he wasn't dead. 383 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,920 Yeah, so it's a registered natural burial ground. 384 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,440 Yeah, not registered, is it? Ssh. 385 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,120 So, there's 60 million humans in this country 386 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:03,080 that's going to die in a minute, and what are we going to do with them? 387 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,640 And so we thought, "Well, let's return them to the worms 388 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,200 "and give them a nice natural burial 389 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,480 "and make it all environmentally friendly, so..." 390 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,840 Oh, careful! Careful! 391 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,480 Oh, you haven't buried that one in deep enough! I told you about that! 392 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,840 Bury them deeper! Too tall, that one. Go, over there. 393 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,200 Obviously there's rules about it. 394 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,680 You're not allowed to bury 'em near water 395 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,680 because otherwise you get floaters, and nobody wants that. 396 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,600 This is our lovely memorial bench, we've got a lovely rose bush there, 397 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,840 and people comes here to mourn and grieve and sit here and cry 398 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,480 and regret everything, and they have a lovely time just... 399 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,160 You've... 400 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,560 You've put the bench on top of one of the graves here. 401 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,760 I've told you about that before! 402 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,360 Always measure your departed human. 403 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,400 Don't worry about that. 404 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,000 That's just natural gas escaping from the dear departed. 405 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,120 No naked flame now. 406 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,840 You see, there's loads of money in this. 407 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,240 See, just in that little plot over there, what is there, 408 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,440 ten graves there? That's 30 quid a head. What's that? Ten 30s... 409 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:24,040 220 quid! There's fields of gold! 410 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,000 SHE CACKLES 411 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:37,600 Measure it, measure it. One, two, three, four, five, six. 412 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,880 One, two, three, four, five, six. 413 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:46,200 And this is where we carefully store those what is waiting to be 414 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,680 what we like to call "deterred". 415 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,480 It's not deterred, is it? What's the word? 416 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,560 Interred. Interred. 417 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,600 "In-TURD"? 418 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,880 Are you sure? That's dirty, isn't it? 419 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,000 You're having a laugh, ain't you? 420 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,200 Here she is. 421 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,120 What are you doing? I can't get that ring off, I can't get... 422 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,040 No, no, leave it, leave it, leave it! 423 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,880 Just leave that! 424 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:17,000 So, as you can see, we have three humans here waiting... Four. 425 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,480 No, three. Four humans. One, two... 426 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,560 Well, that one was supposed to go two weeks ago. 427 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,160 No wonder there's such a whiff in here! 428 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,440 You should stop playing Furious Birds and do what I tell you! 429 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,320 KNOCK AT DOOR 430 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,280 Yes? 431 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,440 Oh, sorry for your loss. Mr and Mrs Bentley. 432 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,720 Yeah? I don't... 433 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,360 Edna Bentley. Right, have you got a receipt? 434 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,840 No. Well, do you know where she is? Erm... 435 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:50,320 Edna Bentley. Did he have bosoms? Yes, I think so. That's him there. 436 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,920 No, ssh. Ssh! That's him there, 437 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,040 that's him there, that's him there. 438 00:25:54,040 --> 00:26:00,720 Edna is deterred three mounds from the left up there, so off you go. 439 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,880 Blessings in abundance and internal damnation. 440 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,560 It doesn't matter if they're bereaving over the wrong one, 441 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,720 does it? They'll never know unless they dig her up. 442 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,120 They're not going to dig her up cos she's here. 443 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,560 Anyway, it's about the send-off, really, isn't it? 444 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:17,200 We like to give them some lovely words of comfort, don't we, like... 445 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,000 Oh... Goodbye, Fred. You is...dead. 446 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:26,560 Yeah, that, or fear not death, 'tis only in another room. 447 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,120 Naked flame! 448 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:46,200 Damn it! Extinguisher! Buggers! Quick! Stupid buggers! 449 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,040 What have they done? Stupid bloody buggers! 450 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,000 Don't look at me with your father's eyes! 451 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,280 It is possible to be a socialist AND have staff, you know, darling! 452 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,920 Have you seen the bastard recently? Hmm? Are you referring to Dad? 453 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,160 Oh, Dad! Dad! 454 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,720 Give him a little title to justify his puny existence, why don't you? 455 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,360 Dad! Yes, I saw him yesterday. 456 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,120 Well, I don't know why you don't just live with the bloody prick 457 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:21,360 full time since you seem to bloody love him so bloody much! 458 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:25,200 No-one cares what I think! You never care for my feelings, darling. 459 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,560 Well, bugger, bugger, bollocks to all of you! 460 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,160 Hello, I'm Joanna Lumley. 461 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,680 Much as I've loved working with French and Saunders, 462 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,480 and funny as they are - and they ARE funny - 463 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,520 I've got a very busy life of my own now. 464 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,280 I've got auditions lined up, lots of auditions. 465 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,480 My next one is for London Underground. 466 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,480 "Mind the gap." "Stand clear of the closing doors." 467 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,040 So, could you please get me off their database? 468 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,360 And, Jennifer, stop stalking me! 469 00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:54,880 Lose my number! 470 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,720 Bye! 471 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,560 # When you move in right up close to me 472 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:11,600 # That's when I get the shakes all over me... # 473 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,560 MUSIC: I'm Not In Love by 10CC 474 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:32,200 MUSIC: Shout by Lulu 475 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,200 POUNDING DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 476 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:51,600 From Bristol, it's best friends Mary and Marina. 477 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,760 POUNDING DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 478 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:03,240 I'm happy, I'm happy. I'm coming out. Him there. You see him? 479 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,480 I want him out, cos that ugly beard 480 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,760 is just blending with that bush over there. 481 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,320 And by "bush", 482 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,120 of course, they're not talking about Dolly Background's privates. 483 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,520 Come on, let's bung this up. 484 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,560 Oh, God, you've got naughty hair, haven't you? 485 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,360 Yeah. Ow! Oh, shut up! 486 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,600 Take the pain, bitch! 487 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,440 Oh, we don't care who's a gay, do we? No. 488 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:28,400 We don't care who's in, who's out. No. Who'll be back in five minutes. 489 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,600 Well, they don't say "gay" any more, do they? 490 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:35,640 They says, er, LG...BLT, or something, you know. 491 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:41,440 Yeah, because it's L-Jelly Bean King. Is it? Isn't it? 492 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,320 Yeah, cos they named the condition after her. Oh! 493 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,040 Right, cos she was the first lesbian discovered, weren't she? 494 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:49,920 And they say Q now, don't they? 495 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,920 They say Q - B&Q. 496 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,440 No, no, no! BGT, innit? 497 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,760 No, that's Britain's Got Talent. Oh, yeah. 498 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,720 Yeah. 499 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,840 All of my backing singers have been killed in a car crash! Oh, tragic! 500 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,480 You don't happen to know any of my songs at all, do you? 501 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,880 Only all of them. Truly. We do, yeah. Try us. Right, right. 502 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,800 # The only one who could ever reach me 503 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,280 # Uh-uh! Was the son of a preacher man 504 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,440 # The only one who could ever teach me 505 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,000 # Uh-uh! Was the son of a preacher man 506 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,680 # Yes, he was 507 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,160 # He was 508 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,280 # Oh... # 509 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,760 Key change. 510 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,360 # ..Yes, he was. # 511 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,000 But we've got Clare Balding now. That's all that matters. 512 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,720 No, I love her. I love her. 513 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,400 Knows what she's talking about whatever the subject, 514 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,920 even if she don't, doesn't she? 515 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,600 Yeah, yeah. 516 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,640 We don't care who's doing what to who any more, do we? No! 517 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,200 Nowadays, we're gender fluid. 518 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,680 Well, speak for yourself. No, I'm dry. 519 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,200 I'm dry. 520 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,760 You're not always dry, are you? 521 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,880 I'm all right. 522 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,040 SHE GROANS 523 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,240 Is that an ear? 524 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,120 Yes, it is, yes. 525 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,840 Been working down the lab and they couldn't find a mouse big enough. 526 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,640 Knock-knock! Come in! 527 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,920 Oh, goodness me! 528 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,840 What's that? It's a baby. It's the Giant's baby. 529 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,200 You know the film's out and you know it's based on me, right? 530 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,240 The Little Mermaid. No, Pocahontas! 531 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:56,080 So, plain card, right? And watch these magic fingers. 532 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,480 And there we go - doily! 533 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,840 I'm almost unbelievably beautiful, aren't I? 534 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,880 Are you? Yes, I am, yes. 535 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,720 Flawless. 536 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,400 CALIFORNIAN ACCENT: Yeah, and I'm so excited. 537 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:26,200 Yah, he was excited and we loved the trip. We had such a good time. 538 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,200 I know! 539 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,400 CALIFORNIAN ACCENT: Oh, my God, I'm so pretty! 540 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,440 Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! 541 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,400 Oh, get away! Oh, my God, what is that? 542 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,120 Ow! Ow! 543 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,320 Oh, it's just my big fat ass. Yeah. 544 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,640 I thought it was someone else. It was just my own ass. 545 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,480 You're so pretty! 546 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,920 Oh, my God! 547 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:48,920 You're so pretty! 548 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:53,160 You look so pretty! You're so cute! You're so cute! 549 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,920 Like, will you help me clean out my closet? No, I can't. 550 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,400 Oh, my God, cos I'm, like, so exhausted. 551 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,520 I feel, like, so stressed. And I'm so excited. Completely stressed. 552 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,480 Oh, God, you look so pretty! 553 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:09,160 Oh, thank you! I love you! I love you! 554 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,480 I love you! 555 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,800 NORMAL ACCENT: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... 556 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,120 NORMAL ACCENT: What? What, what? 557 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,560 You haven't blended. Look. 558 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,400 No, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. 559 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,400 CALIFORNIAN ACCENT: Like, ever since Paris, 560 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,400 I feel, like, so anxious all the time. 561 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,160 Yeah, I'm so excited. 562 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,880 NORMAL ACCENT: This is ridiculous! Can we just stop this, please? 563 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,760 What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it! 564 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,040 Yes, stop it because it's ridiculous. What, what? 565 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:37,240 What are you doing? 566 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,160 I just don't understand why we're doing this. 567 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,880 Because we're connecting with the kids. We're being relevant. 568 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,600 What kids? What kids?! 569 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,800 I'm looking at a sea of grey! 570 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,960 What, kids that happen to be watching it 571 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,000 by mistake at their granny's? 572 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,560 Those kids? 573 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,520 This is ridiculous, Dawn! No, it isn't. 574 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:01,960 Look at you! Look at you! 575 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,920 You've missed the whole point of it. 576 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,240 Because I won't look like this when it goes out, will I? 577 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:11,120 What do you mean? No, all of this will be much smallened here. 578 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,840 Everything here will be flattened, that will be biggened 579 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,560 and smoothened round, and all of this will be blended. 580 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,480 I'll be totally airbrushed. 581 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,480 Will I be airbrushed? 582 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,760 No, you're going to look crap, like that. 583 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,160 Oh, God, I hate you! I HATE YOU! 584 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,720 CALIFORNIAN ACCENT: Just concentrate on this. 585 00:34:29,720 --> 00:34:32,280 Let's break the internet. 586 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,200 # Oh, yeah, yeah 587 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:40,320 # Yeah. # 588 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,640 Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce Kiki Dee! 589 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,040 # Don't go breaking my heart 590 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,640 # I couldn't if I tried... # 591 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,360 # Throw the dice Let's spin the wheel to see 592 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,960 # If our love is now a casualty 593 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:03,040 # C'est la vie, c'est la vie 594 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,440 # C'est la, c'est la, c'est la vie 595 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,680 # Say good for you Say bad for me 596 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,320 # Quite bad for me 597 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,400 # C'est la vie, c'est la vie 598 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,280 # C'est la, c'est la, c'est la vie 599 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,600 # Say what will be will be will be 600 00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:15,920 # Be-be-be-be-be-be-be... # 601 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,920 # Cross my heart and count to ten... # 602 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,040 Hello, I'm Caroline. 603 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,680 And I'm Sharon. 604 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,680 And I'm Andrea. 605 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,240 Jim! 606 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:39,920 # You shouldn't be 607 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,320 # Here I am 608 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,400 # Please try to think of me... # 609 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:46,960 # Way back when 610 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,720 # The world was brighter then 611 00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:54,560 # And when the bride danced the night away... # 612 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,960 # I am a man, yes, I am 613 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,720 # With a big responsibility... # 614 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,320 Ssh, be quiet! 615 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,720 # Turn a feather head 616 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:07,720 # It's so normal 617 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:09,400 # Unless everybody hops 618 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,040 # Then it's crazy 619 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,920 # Play it with pants instead 620 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,840 # And that is DIPPY! # 621 00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:20,360 # Yeahhhhh... # 622 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,120 # They say our love won't pay the rent 623 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:48,560 # Before it's earned Our money's all been spent 624 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,840 # I guess that's so We don't have a pot 625 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:58,280 # At least I'm sure of all the things we got... # 626 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:04,600 # Magic flies like a crystal vision... 627 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,840 # Within her heart like a bird in flight 628 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,960 # If I can be your daughter... # 629 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,520 # Come on, people, on the floor 630 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,480 # Get into the groove... # 631 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,520 They invited me onto one of their shows to sing a nice song, 632 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,200 then they shot me. 633 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,240 # We-e-e-e-e-ell...# 634 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:50,160 And then nothing - not another word. 635 00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:00,360 I need to speak to you, George Warleggan. 636 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,520 I have nothing to say to you, Demelza. 637 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,040 Don't you walk out on me! 638 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,520 BOTH: Fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa... 639 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,920 < Cut! 640 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,680 I'm sorry, what were you saying? 641 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:16,760 Fa-fa-fa. We're fa-fa-ing. Yes. We're not angry rhubarb like them. 642 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,480 We're fa-fas. Fa-fa-fa-fa! 643 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,360 Can you just say nothing? 644 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,560 Going again. 645 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,600 Nothing? 646 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,960 I need to speak to you, George Warleggan. 647 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,160 I have nothing to say to you, Demelza. 648 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,800 Don't you walk out on me. 649 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,760 MIMICS PARROT: Pretty Polly! Pretty Polly! Cut! 650 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,760 No, I didn't say a word. That was the parrot. 651 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:41,840 That was the parrot speaking. Silly parrot! 652 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,040 Can we lose the parrot? 653 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,960 But this is my husband's parrot. Yes, she would have the parrot. 654 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,040 He's a seaman. He's away at sea. This is all I have of him. 655 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:53,280 Well, this and our poorly baby. This baby's got typhoid 656 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,920 so the parrot is a great comfort to me. 657 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,320 And I would have a parrot in these days, wouldn't I, 658 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,760 and these are the days just before The Onedin Line. 659 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:04,320 When does it become The Onedin Line? Is there a set date? 660 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,120 Reset. Five minutes. 661 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:13,240 Is that our friend over there? Where? I don't want to point. Where? 662 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:17,280 Two o'clock, two o'clock. No, my two o'clock. Six o'clock, six o'clock. 663 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,760 There. There! 664 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,480 Oh, yes, that's him, that's him. 665 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,040 BOTH: What's his name? 666 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,760 Helligan, is it? 667 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:32,280 Hello! No, no, no, no, no. I know, you hate this, don't you? 668 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,240 This is awful, isn't it? 669 00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:39,120 Charged up to you, haven't asked you any permission. We're not riffraff. 670 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,520 We're not the angry rhubarb-rhubard-rhubarb. 671 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:45,480 We're actually fa-fas. We're not the great unwashed. No. 672 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:46,920 Do you want another picture? 673 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,440 Of what, sorry? Me. 674 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,440 No, no, no, no, no, no. 675 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:56,960 I've already WhatsApp'd the 200 we did of you to my son in Dubai, yes. 676 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,560 He was a bit disappointed. Oh, why? 677 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:04,240 Cos he wanted Aidan, really. Yes, the actual Poldark. No, no, don't... 678 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:07,320 You could help us. Yes, we could ask you this. 679 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,240 You are an actual member of high society. A fa-fa. 680 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:13,600 A real fa-fa, and do you think it's right 681 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,400 that all the posh people have been given the lines in this? 682 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:20,960 Because we have been singled out to say absolutely nothing in this, 683 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:25,040 haven't we? Yes. And yet we are the people with the huge body of work. 684 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,480 Yes, yes. Are you familiar with our work? 685 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,000 Fa-fa-fa! Fa-fa! 686 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,280 Foo-fa! 687 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,320 Cut! CUT! What the BLEEP is that? 688 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:43,120 What the BLEEP is that, you BLEEP sons of bitches? 689 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,200 AIR WHOOSHES 690 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:48,520 Cut! 691 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,000 We brought them from home... 692 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,800 Roy, why did you book these two?! 693 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,400 I want a word with you in the Vic. Now. 694 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,720 Kat, darling, I've got to work the stall. No, now! 695 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:02,920 Doof-doof, doof-doof-doof-doof... 696 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,600 THEY HUM THE EASTENDERS THEME 697 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:18,560 Really quite an oeuvre. Oh, thank you, kind sir! 698 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,440 He's hating this, isn't he? It's awful. Isn't it awful? 699 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:25,160 Can I ask you something, George Fourleggan? Are you staying nearby? 700 00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,960 No, don't ask him that. No? No, don't ask him that. 701 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,080 He can't answer it. Can you? No. 702 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:31,440 No. 703 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:32,640 Right, we're just wondering 704 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,800 if you've done anything traditional or local at all 705 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,160 while you've been in Cornwall? 706 00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:37,560 Have you been to Trago Mills? 707 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,960 It's very good there, yes. 708 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,120 Or Granny Wobbly's Fudge Pantry? 709 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,640 He's laughing at that. It's not funny. It's an actual place. 710 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,800 Granny Wobbly's Fudge Pantry. Yes, yes. 711 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,320 Isn't your son something to do with fudge? Yes, yes. 712 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,040 My son is a fudge-packer, 713 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,680 according to his friends in Dubai, isn't he? 714 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,000 I've never seen any evidence of the actual fudge. 715 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,800 He doesn't bring any of it home, 716 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,720 not even the stuff that no-one wants that comes out the back. 717 00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:05,000 That's my favourite stuff. Do you need anything? 718 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,240 Oh, here's Demelza! 719 00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:10,640 Here she is. She's come to rescue him. You stay there. 720 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,120 She's come to pretend that he's needed in make-up when he isn't. 721 00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,920 He doesn't need make-up. No. You know who never needs make-up? 722 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,520 Aidan! 723 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,920 Yes, she's a little bit soft on Aidan, aren't you? 724 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,680 Tell Demelza about Aidan. Don't get jealous. 725 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,520 About when he had his shirt off, you know, 726 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,240 and he was in the fields with his shirt off. 727 00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:29,720 Probably best not to mention that. No, don't mention that. 728 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:31,040 It was a long time ago. 729 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,840 We've done quite a lot of really good work since then. 730 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:38,360 Yes, of course. Yes, of course, we completely respect that. Yes. 731 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,040 Oh, is that Aidan over there? Is that him there? It is. 732 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,160 Oh, I think it is! Oh, my goodness! 733 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,920 Aidan! Captain Poldark! 734 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,800 My friend here's got something she'd like to tell you. 735 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,040 It's a lovely thing. When you were in the fields with your chest out. 736 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,320 Yes, when you were scything the ripe corn, and you were sweating a lot. 737 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:57,800 She only wants to tell you about... 738 00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,320 Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! Where's he going? 739 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,400 Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! Aidan! AIDAN! 740 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:08,320 Aidan! AIDAN! What's his second name? Poldark. Poldark! Poldark! 741 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,680 Poldark! Poldark! POLDAAARK! What is the matter with him? Just stop! 742 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,040 Stop! 743 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,560 Hang on, hang on, hang on, wait. 744 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,080 We have done four series. 745 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,440 That is hours of acting 746 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,040 and rehearsing, where we have to find within us 747 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,560 that empty void that is ready then to fill 748 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:30,680 with the character's feelings - pain, joy, ART, 749 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:34,160 to charge relationships with believable reality, 750 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,400 to cry, to love, to hate. Absolutely. I've buried children. 751 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,680 I've worn a very, very tight corset. 752 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:44,440 I've got a very uncomfortable collar. Tell them about the mascara. 753 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,640 I have had to work for the past four series without mascara. 754 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:51,200 Do you any idea how brave that is? 755 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,720 And all you remember is that scene. 756 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,520 Yes. Yes. 757 00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:03,640 It's just because he has that little bit of skin on him down here. 758 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,600 This wouldn't be allowed if he was a woman. 759 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,800 You know, cos when a man pulls his trousers down low, 760 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,640 there's that man shape, 761 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,080 I don't know what it is, and there's that bit of skin there 762 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,600 and I like to imagine that, when he wakes up in the morning, 763 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,440 he smells of biscuits... 764 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:20,520 Stop it! Don't worry about her. She's no danger. 765 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,480 She won't act on anything. She's dead from the waist down. 766 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,960 Seriously, though, if you were a man letching over a woman 767 00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:27,280 the way you letch over him, 768 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,360 I could have you reported and taken off this set. 769 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,880 Steady on! I'm being attacked by a feminist, or something! 770 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:36,600 I give up. You give up? Oh, she's given up. That's rather useful. 771 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,160 Would you mind quickly taking a snap? Just a quick one. 772 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,280 Just a quick one, George. One with us with Mr Helligan. 773 00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,680 There we go, that's it. Look at him! 774 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,640 APPLAUSE 775 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:53,680 Thank you. 776 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:59,760 So, there we have it. Can I just thank everyone at home for watching? 777 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,920 Thank you, the audience, for being here this evening 778 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:03,320 and can I just briefly... 779 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,480 Do you mind? No, no, I'll lead you in. 780 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:07,360 Do you know something? 781 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,040 I want to say thank you to this set, which has given us 782 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,200 so many hours and hours of pleasure. 783 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,120 APPLAUSE Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely. 784 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:18,880 We've had so much fun in here. 785 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,640 We can't end the show without me saying one thing to you as well. 786 00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,680 What's that? Are you going to do the accent, Dawn? 787 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,800 NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: How are you? NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: How are you? 788 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:31,120 NORMAL ACCENT: Yes, and also, I think, cos everyone here... 789 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,840 Well, I'm a fan of yours, obviously. Oh, stop it! 790 00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:37,160 Silly, silly. But I think there's probably a question 791 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,880 that most people really want to ask you 792 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,840 and I know I want to ask you this question. 793 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,680 What are you doing? Stop it. Can I ask you a question? 794 00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,400 Of course you can! 795 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,800 Dawn French off the telly-o-vision... Yes? 796 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,520 How are you feeling about your weight? Ooh... 797 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,000 Eurgh! 798 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,840 Eurrrrgh! 799 00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,520 Eurgh! Eurgh! 800 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,240 What are you doing? 801 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:23,560 Just checking! 802 00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,280 Could you, erm, tidy up my growler while you're down there? 803 00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,680 SNIPPING Thank you very much. 804 00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:34,720 Cheerio! 805 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:37,920 SCREAMING 806 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,680 Oh, come on! That would have finished you off, wouldn't it? 807 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:48,720 Nothing at all, not even a scratch. Did you miss, or something? 808 00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:50,480 Cos all I've got is a grumbling headache. 809 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:52,880 That's done it. 810 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 811 00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:00,880 # Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington 812 00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,520 # Don't put your daughter on the stage 813 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:07,520 # The profession is overcrowded and the struggle's pretty tough 814 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,640 # And admitting the fact she's learning to act 815 00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:11,400 # That isn't quite enough 816 00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,680 # She has nice hands to give the wretched girl her due 817 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:18,320 # But don't you think her bust is too developed for her age? 818 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:19,920 # I repeat, Mrs Worthington 819 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,920 # Sweet Mrs Worthington 820 00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:25,160 # Don't put your daughter on the stage 821 00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:26,880 # Regarding yours 822 00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:28,920 # Dear Mrs Worthington 823 00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,280 # Of Wednesday the 23rd 824 00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:35,840 # Although your baby may be keen on a stage career 825 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,080 # How can I make it clear? 826 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,560 # This is not a good idea 827 00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,160 # For her to hope 828 00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:42,640 # Dear Mrs Worthington 829 00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:46,280 # Is, on the face of it, absurd 830 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,480 # Her personality is not, in reality 831 00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,440 # Exciting enough, inviting enough 832 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,200 # For this particular sphere 833 00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:56,600 # Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington 834 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,040 # Don't put your daughter on the stage 835 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,560 # Though they said at the school of acting 836 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,080 # She was lovely as Peer Gynt 837 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,240 # I'm afraid On the whole, an ingenue role 838 00:48:05,240 --> 00:48:06,880 # Would emphasise her squint 839 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,600 # She's a big girl 840 00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,000 # And though her teeth are fairly good 841 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,720 # She's not the type I ever would be eager to engage 842 00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:16,080 # No more buts, Mrs Worthington 843 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:17,960 # Nuts, Mr Worthington 844 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,800 # Don't put your daughter on the stage. # 845 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,720 What does that say? 846 00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:33,000 Fin, or something. Fin. Fin. 847 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,520 Oh, that's the end. The end! 848 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,440 Oh, hooray for that!