[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy
evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to living it here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dream so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie do ba bada ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Alright, girls,
now, not one word
about your dad's
surprise party tonight, okay?
That means you, Steph.
What makes you think
I'm gonna tell him?
Because you blew
dad's surprise party last year.
I was only four.
Give me a break.
Steph, this is
an important birthday.
Your dad turns the big 3-0.
How much more than 5
is the big 3-0?
Well, here, I'll show you.
This is you.
And this is your daddy.
Wow! He's almost
a whole box old.
Make way! It's the Goodyear
birthday blimp.
I had to take
a couple balloons off.
She was getting
picked up by radar.
Come here.
Alright. Your daddy's
on his way down.
Stephanie, I heard
about last year.
Do not spoil
the surprise party.
Man, one little mistake.
Good morning, everyone.
(all)
Happy birthday!
Okay. It's been said.
Now, we can just move on
and forget the fact
that I'm...I'm..
(together)
30.
Thank you.
Okay, anyway..
...I don't turn, uh, turn..
(together)
30.
Thank you. I don't turn
what you just said until 8:15.
Dad, it's 8:20.
Oh, my God.
Dad, this is a present
from Michelle,
Steph, and me.
Aw.
Look at this.
D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle's
"coupon book."
This is great!
'And you made it yourselves.
I love this.'
"D.J. and Stephanie will
change Michelle's diaper."
I'll hold on to this.
I'm sorry, Jesse.
They're not transferable.
And a free car wash
for my car, Bullet.
Do you realize
I bought that car
10 years ago
on my 20th birthday?
You know, every time
I get behind the wheel
and I put the top down
and start blasting
my self-improvement tapes..
...I feel like a kid again.
Boy, you were born
to raise heck.
[doorbell rings]
Dad, that must be
another birthday surprise!
Oh, look at them run.
Did I ever run like that?
You bet. You always
ran like a girl.
Come on, grandpa. I'll help you
across the living room floor.
You know, you
shouldn't be so cocky
just because you're 24,
and I'm...I'm..
(together)
30.
Come on, Michelle.
Alright, girls.
Tell our lucky contestant
what's behind door number one.
Vanna, Carol Merrill.
(together)
Ta-da!
I won a man?
Not just any man.
Jimmy, tell him
what he's won.
Okay, Bob.
Danny Tanner, you'll
be riding in style
because you've won
your very own
chauffeur-driven
limousine for a day.
Oh!
Yes, it's a stretch limousine
complete with a bar,
TV, telephone
and a year's supply
of calendar's...one!
- Ah!
You guys have gone all out.
This is terrific.
But I wish you hadn't gone
to such a big expense.
We didn't. I'm gonna
fumigate his house for free.
I can't say it enough.
God bless silverfish.
Hey, girls, you wanna ride
to school in a limo?
I'd love to ride in a limo.
But can it take us
somewhere else besides school?
Let's hit the mall!
Alright, Steph!
You're going to school.
Let's go, let's go.
Thanks for a terrific birthday.
Okay, I want one thing.
I want you to remember
I do not want a party.
This'll be our little secret.
- Okay.
- Alright. Sure.
I mean it. No party.
Fine.
- Back to the party.
- Well, Bob, I've--
Tut tut tut!
We're done with the voice.
Okay. The food arrives at 5.
Belly dancer arrives at 5:30.
Belly dancer leaves at 6.
Guests arrive at 6:30.
Limo drops Danny
here at home at 7.
- What about his present?
- Alright.
Present.
I'm leaving work early.
I'm gonna take Bullet
get him fitted for seat covers.
He is gonna love them. Come on.
- Boy, he really loves this car.
- Hey, who wouldn't?
I mean, you're talking
about a car that goes from
zero to 60 in 2 weeks.
[instrumental music]
Now, Steph, do it
just the way I told you.
D.J., I'm old enough
to carry a tray
of "appezizers."
"Attepizers."
Cheese sticks.
Excuse me,
do you care about cheese?
Thank you, Stephanie.
Steph.
It's do you care for cheese?
She took one, didn't she?
Alright. Goodnight.
Thanks for dragging it home.
(man #1)
'Sure, pal. Good luck.'
Oh. Poor Bullet.
Maybe Danny won't notice.
Boy, am I in trouble. Joey!
Jesse, what's wrong?
I've never seen your face
this shade of green before.
- This must be serious.
- It is.
Uncle Jesse,
is something wrong?
I'm getting these vibes.
Yes, something's very wrong.
I knew it.
This is great!
I'm sorry, but I'm
developing woman's intuition.
It's a big step in my life.
Listen, uh,
your father's car
has been in a little accident.
(Joey)
'How little?'
Big little. Follow me.
Come here.
I want you guys
to take a look.
(together)
Ooh!
You're dead meat.
Boy, this is gonna take
all the fun out of those
seat covers.
What are you going to do?
What do you mean,
what am I gonna do?
I'm gonna do what I have to do.
I'm gonna tell him the truth.
When we're in trouble
we give dad
"We're the cutest
little girls
in the world" look.
That may work
for you, girls
but I don't have
those cute little dimples.
Well, maybe if you put a..
...pretty little bow
in your hair
or something..
Not funny.
Danny's coming up the steps!
Come on.
- What do we do?
- Okay, here's the plan.
First, we hide
the seat covers.
Hide the seat covers.
Alright. Now what?
Look, it's tough enough
for Danny turning 30.
It's his birthday,
and you gotta promise me
you're not
gonna ruin it for him.
Okay, I promise.
Then we have to make sure that
he has the best time
he's ever had
in his entire life.
Good. We'll do that.
Then, in the afterglow
you'll set him down
and gently
rip his heart out.
Can't you come up
with a happier ending?
Yeah, the car fairy shows up
and makes everything wonderful.
- Shh! Quiet, everyone.
- 'Let's see.'
15 of my friends' cars
parked right out front.
I wonder..
(together)
Surprise!
I don't believe this.
(together)
Happy birthday!
Thank you, thank you.
This is great.
I love this.
Everybody's here.
This is so nice.
All my friends from
the station are here.
Are we running
a test pattern tonight?
Cousin Ed!
Oh, Cousin Ed.
Caroline, why aren't you out
running your fishing boat?
Oh, what, and miss your
19th birthday party?
I am so glad you're here.
Daddy, would you care
for some cheese?
Oh, yes, Stephanie.
Thank you.
This is too easy.
I'm ready for dip.
Oh, there you are,
you birthday nuts.
I thought
I told you no party.
Oh, you say that every year.
This is the last
surprise, isn't it?
Well.
Danny, I just
want you to know
that Jesse deserves
all the credit.
This whole party was his idea
because he loves you.
- Right.
- Always remember that.
Please.
Oh, Jesse, I know you hate
when I hug you--
Hey, I got an idea.
It's your birthday.
What the heck.
Why don't I hug you
this time, huh?
Brother-in-law.
Say cheese.
- Cheese!
We'll call this
the "before" picture.
Open that one.
Now, Danny,
if you don't like it
there's now way
I can return it
so you'd
better like it.
Oh.
Caroline,
this is great.
The last time Danny went
fishing on my boat
he didn't catch a thing
so I mounted his bait.
Hey, I'm just out there
for the fresh air.
Daddy, I found
another present.
- No, no.
You never saw me.
Aw, the gifts
just keep on coming.
Look at this,
"from Jesse and Joey
to Bullet and Danny."
'Oh, great.'
Wow!
Sheepskin seat covers
for Bullet.
I could cry.
Oh, you will.
I'm gonna go try
these on right now.
Uh, excuse me.
I think now would be
a good time to tell him.
Whoa, Danny, Danny.
Listen, before you go out there
I wanna tell you something.
Bullet was in an accident.
Is he alright?
No. Listen,
this is what happened.
I'm coming out
of Pep Boys, right?
With your wonderful yet
essentially useless party gift
and this idiot plowed into
the back of Bullet, right?
It sends him down the hill
through this guard rail,
into the air
where he did
kind of a full gainer.
He lands in the bay
and sank...like a stone.
But look, Bullet went out
with a blaze of glory.
[laughing]
For a second,
you had me going.
He sank to the
bottom of the bay.
You know what a car
would look like
if it sank to the
bottom of the bay?
[laughing]
We'll call this
the "after" picture.
Daddy,
are you alright?
[laughing]
Of course, sweetheart.
I'm fine.
That's the same smile
Jack Nicholson had
in "The Shining."
Maybe it just needs
a little touch-up paint.
Look, Danny, listen,
I'm gonna make this up to you.
I promise.
I accept all responsibility.
Even though it was
actually the fault
of the Spanish missionaries
for being so dumb
to build a city
on so many hills
that go--
Hey, pal, I'm fine.
These things happen.
Que sera sera.
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.
Life goes on. Rah.
(Jesse)
'Danny, drop the act.'
Every weekend you're out
here polishing this thing
waxing this thing.
It's ruined.
The outside's ruined.
The inside's ruined.
The handle's actually
in good shape.
Jesse, it's not about
the hundreds of hours of labor
he poured into this car.
It's about 10 years
of memories.
Danny, this car was with you
through the tough years.
It drove you to
your first real job.
Then it helped you
raise a family.
Man, this car
was your 20s.
That's good. We lost the phony
smile. Very good. Alright.
Now what you gotta do is
get in touch with your anger.
Let it all out. Hit me.
Go ahead. Hit me.
No, I got a better idea.
Hit the car, hit the car.
Hit the...kick the car.
Let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go.
Go ahead.
Doesn't that
feel better, huh?
Feels good, right?
I can honestly say
that this is one birthday
I will never forget.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, girls.
(together)
Goodnight.
Oh, and thank you very much
for the lovely seat covers.
Probably not the best time
for birthday cake.
[instrumental music]
Look, honey, it's Mr. Dog.
What does Mr. Dog say?
Woof, woof.
I may be holding the first
woman president.
Yes. Look. It's Mr. Pig.
What does Mr. Pig say?
Boof.
Close enough.
Let's go for three.
Oh. Oh.
It's Mr. Car.
What does Mr. Car say?
You're right.
He doesn't say anything.
Because he's dead.
Good morning. How
are you guys doing?
What are you
doing up so early?
I thought I heard
Michelle crying.
No. That was me.
- Can I hold her?
- Sure.
Come here, sweetie.
Come on, buddy. Cheer up.
It's just a car.
Actually, it's a big
wet lawn sculpture.
Come on, I dare you
to look at this baby
and not smile.
Hi, daddy.
It's me, it's me.
It's me, it's me!
Cheer up. There you go.
Atta boy.
See, now who cares
about a car?
Aw, Joey, it's more
than just the car.
I'm talking
about the big picture.
Who are we?
Where are we going?
And why do we have to
get there so fast?
We're Joey and Danny
and we're going down
into the kitchen
and we're going there fast
because if we don't
Jesse will eat all
the microwave pancakes.
Do you remember back
in junior high school
when we had wood shop
with old man Pathco?
Ha ha! Yeah, I remember
that old geezer.
Joey, old man Pathco was 27.
It seems like just yesterday
you were saying to me
"Danny, I wonder
what it's like out there
in the real world? Getting
a job, being a grown-up."
I did say that yesterday.
- Hello.
- Hey, Jess.
Jess, it's alright. Come on in.
Hello, Michelle.
Come here,
come here.
You still mad at me?
Oh, I know what happened
wasn't your fault.
Alright, listen. I'm gonna make
it up to you, man. I promise.
Joseph, go get dressed.
We're taking a ride.
Where are we going?
Are you gonna
be home today?
Where am I going?
I got no car.
And I'm an old man
who just turned..
...I just turned..
(together)
30.
- Thank you.
- You stay right here.
I got a big
surprise for you.
Oh, please,
no more surprises.
No, no. This surprise
you are gonna love.
- Come on, Joey.
- Okay.
Oh! Wait. One more
for the road.
Irresistible. I can't keep
my lips off her tummy.
[blowing a raspberry]
He's right.
You're habit-forming.
- Yes!
- Alright!
Whoo! Look at this car.
The same color.
This thing looks
just like Bullet.
Alright!
Thank you.
I'll see you on Sunday.
This is Bullet's twin brother.
How did you find him?
Simple, I picked up
the phone and dialed
every dealer
in northern California.
But it doesn't matter.
I found you.
I found you!
Why am I talking to you?
Yes, we're going
to buy you
and we're gonna
take you home
and Danny's
gonna be so happy.
Oh, we did it.
Joe, Joe, Joe,
Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
It's gonna be
quite difficult
to get a good price
for the car
if you're actually
kissing the car.
- Right. Right.
- Listen. This is important.
Danny's getting 11,700
from the insurance company.
The important thing
is we get this car for 11-7.
Excuse me, is there something
I can help you
fine gentlemen with?
Oh, I don't know.
We're just browsing around.
You know, browsing,
lookin' at the cars.
Well, how about this one?
I mean, what's the
story on Bullet..
...on this car here?
12 grand.
[telephone rings]
12 grand.
I wouldn't pay a nickel
over 11-7.
Paul's classic cars.
Paul himself. We got you.
You guys aren't
gonna believe this
but I've got a guy
on the phone right now
who's offering 12 grand
for that car, sight unseen.
He's bluffing us, Joseph.
Watch me. I'll play into it.
Uh, 11-7, Paul.
(Jesse)
'Okay, fine.'
No 11-7, we're
walking out the door
and we ain't
coming back.
He'll stop us. Watch.
Goodbye, Paul.
We'll see you, Paul.
- We're gone.
- Bye-bye, Paulie.
- We're already out the door.
- We're gone, man.
- We're gone.
- Bye-bye, Paulie.
Adios, Paul.
Congratulations, sir.
When can you come down
and pick it up?
Hi, Paul.
- 12-1.
- I'm sorry, sir.
I just received
an offer of 12-1.
I'll give you 12,500.
Go, dad! Keep going!
$12,500.
- 13,000.
14,000.
I'll kick in an extra 20.
Count me in
for 73 cents.
They're up
to $14,020.73.
We got to get Danny this car.
$14,020.75.
We got him on the ropes.
$14,020.75.
What's he up to, dad?
He went up 2 cents.
I got a loose tooth.
Whatever the tooth fairy
gives me, it's yours.
15,000.
I got 15,000. 15,000.
Do I hear 16,000?
- 16,000.
- 17, 000!
I got $17,000.
No, no, that doesn't count.
The yahoo bird bid against me.
Too late.
He's up to 18,000 now.
You tell him that I'm gonna pay
anything for that car.
I'm gonna pay 20,000 bucks.
$20,000.
$20,000?
I'm going crazy over
a car I haven't even seen.
Look, I got to send
my daughters to college.
It's only a car.
Let the other guy have it.
He went up another thousand.
But I think
that car can be yours
for only $22,000.
[sighs]
We went from 11-7
to $22,000.
How are we gonna
pay that?
You know how many jokes
I have to tell?
You know how many bugs
I have to kill?
We'll just get Danny's
car somewhere else.
Give it to the other guy.
Boys, boys, boys.
Let's not be hasty here.
Did I say $22,000?
I actually meant 21.
20. 19?
How about 11-5, Paul?
Sold.
Yes! Whoo-hoo!
Can I interest you boys
in an extended
service contract?
Write up the car, Paul.
Danny! Daniel!
Hey, guys.
I am glad you're here.
- I've got some great news.
- So do we.
- Let me tell you mine first.
- Okay.
Do you remember
when I thought
the only car I could
ever love was Bullet?
- Yep.
- Uh-huh.
Well, I was wrong.
Wouldn't I look good
behind the wheel
of a Jeep Wagoneer?
(Danny)
'Look at this.'
'Rear track lock differential'
'self-sealing radials'
anti-theft ignition.
I can't wait to find out
what these things mean.
You can't be serious.
Of course I am.
In fact, I even
called a dealership today
and started bidding on a car
that was exactly like Bullet.
And there was
this other yo-yo there
that kept hiking up
the price.
(Joey)
'It was crazy.'
So, I just said,
bye-bye Bullet.
I went car shopping.
And guys, I fell in love.
So tomorrow I am buying
my first new car ever.
I hope you're not
planning on using
your insurance check.
What are you
talking about?
That was
our little surprise.
We, uh...got you
a birthday gift.
Take a look.
Aww.
You two were the yo-yos?
- Yo.
I love that car.
I thought you just said
"bye-bye Bullet."
To the old Bullet.
You have to
move on in life.
So, move on
to your Wagoneer.
Hey, what better symbol
for the next decade
than a gift
from my two best friends?
Birthdays aren't
about numbers.
They're about
who you spend them with.
You guys made
this one great.
You really want
to keep the car?
Absolutely.
Thank you.
(Jesse and Joey)
Happy birthday.
- Again.
You know what
really feels nice?
For the first time
it feels great to be..
...30.
- He said it!
- Oh, yes.
So what are you gonna
name him? Bullet, Jr.?
Come on, Joey. A 30-year-old man
doesn't name his car.
Go get the kids.
Let's go for a spin.
Alright.
(Jesse)
'Stephanie.'
(Joey)
'D.J.'
I'll be right back..
...Walter.
♪ Baby you can drive my car ♪
♪ Yes I'm gonna be a star ♪
♪ Baby you can drive my car ♪
♪ 'Cause baby I love you ♪
♪ Beep-beep beep-beep yeah ♪
♪ Beep-beep
beep-beep yeah ♪
♪ Oh I'm gonna be a star ♪
♪ Drive my car ♪
♪ Beep-beep beep-beep ♪♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]