[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
♪ Confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a place ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce
America's newest superstar
our own
mini Meryl Streep
Miss Donna Jo Tanner!
Beautiful.
Thank you, thank you.
What an afternoon
of theater.
D.J. as the
beautiful princess
in "The Frog Prince."
I laughed, I cried,
I learned about life.
I wish I wouldn't have
missed the ending.
Michelle, why'd you
have to start crying, huh?
'Cause she was so moved
by D.J.'s performance..
...or she had gas.
D.J., do it again
for Joey.
Yeah. Could you
please, Deej?
I'd love to,
but I need a frog.
What, do I look like a frog?
Just checking.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Alright, get the chair.
(Jesse)
'You guys need a front
row seat. Front row seat.'
Okay, Jesse,
get on the floor
and try to act
like a frog.
How's this?
Ooh, I just want
to dip your legs
in garlic butter.
Oh, frog, why does
the world force us
to meet in secret?
Ribbit.
Do not all
of God's creatures
share the heart that
feels pain, love
joy and sorrow?
[sniffles]
Ribbit.
If my true love
is a frog
then so be it.
[gasps]
My princess!
My prince!
(together)
Yay!
Thank you.
[hissing]
Ooh, the girl is hot.
This acting thing
is so cool.
Uh, hey, Daniel
you've got
a major talent here.
You know people
in show biz.
Why don't you
make some calls?
Maybe she could
audition for, like
a commercial
or something.
Great idea, Uncle Jesse!
Oh, yeah, great
idea, Uncle Jesse.
Uh, D.J., honey,
I'll ask around
but don't get your
hopes up too high, okay?
I understand, dad.
Whatever happens, happens.
But I hope
it happens this week.
If I kiss you, will you
turn back into a frog?
[instrumental music]
Alright, Michelle,
you've got to be sick and tired
of all that strained baby grub
they give you around here.
Here, here's a corned
beef sandwich on rye
with a big,
fat, kosher pickle.
(Jesse)
'Now, what do you
want on the side?'
'Potato salad
or coleslaw?'
'Just the pickle? Okay.'
Hey, Jesse. Hey, Michelle.
Jesse.
Why is Michelle
eating a pickle
and a corned beef sandwich?
'Cause I didn't
have time
to make buffalo
chicken wings.
I'll take that,
thank you.
Hey, Jess, Danny, Michelle.
Joseph, you
did some shopping.
Very nice. Hey,
you want a sandwich?
A corned beef
sandwich on rye?
No, thank you.
You don't want a
corned beef on rye?
It's extra fatty.
No, thanks.
Why would I want that
when I have meatless
vegetable cutlets
marinated tofu squares
salt-free
rice crackers.
What did you do,
win a Hare Krishna
family publisher sweepstakes?
Isn't that the one
with Ed McMahon
in the orange robe
with a shaved head?
Hey, you guys can make fun
of my food all you want.
I got some test results
back from my doctor.
He said my cholesterol
level's a little high
but there's nothing
to worry about.
All is I have to do is start
exercising a little more.
Good. Exercise
is good for you, Joseph.
Eat less saturated fats.
- Good. No fats.
- Keep you slim.
And I've decided to
completely give up junk food.
What, you guys don't
think I can do it?
Good sandwich.
Mighty good sandwich.
- Mmm.
You are talking to
Mr. Willpower, dudes.
It just so happens
I gave up smoking like that.
Joey, I've known you
forever. When did you smoke?
When I was 12,
I smoked 4 cigarettes
my dad caught me,
and I stopped cold turkey.
Okay. Back to my life.
Look, guys, I called up
a casting director
as someone so
thoughtfully suggested
right in front of D.J.
Thanks, frog-boy.
Ribbit.
Anyway, it turns out
there's an audition
next week
for some
cereal commercial.
I don't even know if
I should tell D.J. about it.
Daniel, in life, when
something comes along
you must grab it.
D.J.'s going for it.
Wrong yet one more time.
Why?
D.J.'s gonna get
all excited
she's gonna get
beat out by
some professional
kiddie actor
and she's gonna feel like
a loser for no reason at all.
- Don't put her through it.
- Go for it.
- Don't put her through it.
- Go for it.
This is the hard part
about being a parent.
Every decision we make
could drastically alter
the lives
of my children forever.
Joey's right.
Don't put her through it.
Hey, don't listen to me.
Jesse's right.
She should go for it.
Hey, pal, I don't know
what I'm talking about
and there's not a man
in this room that can say I do.
Maybe I should talk
this over with D.J.
instead of Gomer and Goober.
I-If you think
that's best.
- You're the dad.
- Right.
- Feed my kid, please.
- Alright.
- Feed the kid, Gomer.
Okay, Goob.
Jess, think about it.
Every decision we make
could possibly
affect these girls
for the rest
of their lives.
What should we feed Michelle?
Strained broccoli
or strained peas?
Don't ask me.
(Joey)
'Michelle, it's up to you.'
Now remember,
that's your decision.
Mm-hmm.
Hi, honey. Homework?
Yeah, we're
learning about
"The bill of rights."
Does freedom of speech
mean I can say
anything I want
around the house?
Sure, but don't forget,
I have freedom of
say that again,
and you're grounded.
Look, D.J., there's..
D.J..
D.J., there's
something I want you
to think about
very carefully.
I called
a casting director
and there's an audition
next week
for a cereal commercial.
Great! I want to do it.
Honey, you realize the
chances of getting this job
are very,
very tiny, microscopic.
I want to do it.
If you do this,
it should be for fun.
I don't want you to
feel disappointed
if you don't get it.
Listen to me, dad.
I want to do it.
I understand
you want to do it.
But will you
consider all this
before you make
your decision?
Sure, dad.
Okay.
I want to do it.
[instrumental music]
Okay, this is it, girls.
They all look
so professional.
Very nice audition, Karen.
Thank you so much, Vivian.
It felt good for me too.
Why don't I leave you
my new picture and resume?
Well, I hope I'll be
hearing from you soon.
- Ciao.
- Uh-huh.
Was that a little kid
or a tiny grownup?
Look, Steph, why don't
you go over there
and do some
coloring, okay?
Uncle Jesse,
this was a mistake.
I don't have a picture.
I don't have a resume.
All I did was kiss a frog.
Alright, I'll take care
of this for you, alright?
(Jesse)
'May I call you Viv?'
Hi, Viv, listen, uh,
I'd like to introduce to you
a very talented young actress,
Miss Donna Jo Tanner.
Look at that face.
Nice face,
just sign in
and leave your picture
and resume at the desk.
But I don't have
a picture.
Yes, you do!
See? Right here.
I didn't have time
to make hair.
"Hey, moms and dads,
come real close to the set.
"Send all the kids
out of the room.
"Are they gone? Good.
I've got a secret.
"Oat Boats are chocked full
of vitamins and minerals
"but don't let
your kids know.
"They'll eat them anyways
'cause they taste so great.
"Yeah, Oat Boats!
"Now remember,
this is our little secret.
If the word gets out,
I'll deny everything."
Oh, beautiful!
That was great!
That was so--
I'm sorry. I was touched.
I was moved.
Kids will love her. I do.
And so do I.
I thought you were terrific.
I want you to
stay and do it
one more time
for Mr. Benton.
He makes
the final decision.
Y-Yes!
I mean, very well.
[squeals]
Um, excuse me, do I
have time to do my hair
before Mr. Benton
gets here?
Sure, no problem.
Alright. I gotta go
put change in the meter.
Steph, you stay right here
and be good, okay?
Alright.
Y-Yes!
Miss Vivian, can I please
have a little cereal?
D.J. was so good
she made me
want to eat some.
- Knock yourself out.
- Thanks.
I love Oat Boat races.
It's the strawberry
against the banana!
And they're off!
It's the banana!
It's the strawberry!
And the banana wins.
First prize
is a trip to my mouth.
(Mr. Benton)
'I love it!'
I-I didn't think we were
gonna go this young
but this little girl
is adorable.
Vivian, you've done it again.
Well, Mr. Benton
sometimes you just
have to go
with your instincts.
Congratulations,
young lady
you're the new
Oat Boat girl.
What?
[instrumental music]
Well, here we go.
Some of my special seaweed
protein wheat germ tonic.
(Joey)
'Cholesterol free.'
- 'D.J.'
- 'Hey, Deej?'
Something tells me
things didn't go so great
at the audition,
did they?
Oh, no.
We talked about
how this might happen.
They probably just
gave the part
to somebody's relative.
Oh, yeah.
- Hello.
- 'Hey.'
I know, D.J. didn't
get the part.
Here's something
you don't know.
Steph did.
Stephanie got the part?
That's wonderful!
I'm really sorry.
But, that's wonderful!
I'm really sorry.
How did this happen?
If I said,
hey, that's show biz, babe
that wouldn't get me
off the hook, would it?
- No.
Hey, cheer up.
There's a bright side.
What's that?
I had nothing
to do with it.
D.J., are you mad at me?
Why would I be mad at you?
Because I..
Oh, no reason.
I'm not mad.
I'm happy for you.
Way to go, Steph.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have homework to do.
[stomping]
[door slams]
Is it okay to be happy?
Of course it is, sweetheart.
I got it! I got it!
Stephanie, for
your sister's sake
be happy
a little quieter.
I got it. I got it.
[instrumental music]
Michelle, are you sure
you don't want this?
Are you sure?
It's so..
...juicy.
So meaty.
So saturated.
So what?
(Danny)
'Joey, are you in there?'
Joey, we've been looking
for you. Where you been?
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
What did you say?
Beautiful baby.
Where did the small fry
get the French fry?
Must have been there
for weeks.
(Jesse)
It's still warm.
Ah, and look at this.
[gasps]
Oh, my goodness
it looks as though
Michelle has toddled up
to the drive-through
window again.
Alright, I'm weak, I'm weak!
I'm not Mr. Willpower,
I'm Mr. Cholesterol.
Joey, you went from
all junk food to all..
I don't know what the hell
you've been eating.
There's another choice here.
Try moderation. More fruit.
- More fiber. Less fat.
- And we'll help out.
I'll start by helping you eat
this burger and fries.
Thank you.
Come here, Michelle.
Guys, look. I've got to get
back to the station, okay?
Listen to me.
This is real important.
Keep an eye on
D.J. and Stephanie.
Right now, they're
avoiding each other
but I have a feeling
that's only temporary
considering they
share a bedroom.
Alright. We'll
take care of it.
We got it.
Bye-bye, Michelle.
And please, don't
ever go into acting.
Mwah!
"I love Oat Boats
because Stephanie
"takes heaping
spoonful of cereal.
They taste great.
She takes a bite."
[giggles]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Go ahead. Rehearse.
"I love Oat Boats
"because Stephanie
takes heaping spoon--"
[giggles]
If I'm doing
something wrong
will you help me?
You didn't need any help
when you stole my part.
Are you sure
you're not mad at me?
Don't be silly.
I'm glad I didn't get it.
You'll miss a lot of school
doing that commercial
and they'll probably
leave you back.
I think you're jealous.
Me, jealous?
But I am hungry.
Fine. You can have it.
Give me that right now!
- Give me it!
- No way, Jose.
Give me it!
You're a thief!
You're jealous!
- Thief!
- Jealous!
Give me that,
Stephanie Judith!
No, Donna Jo Margaret!
Aah!
Why am I crawling?
- Hey, you guys.
- Take it easy.
Ladies, ladies,
ladies. Whoa!
She stole my cereal!
She stole my part!
- Jealous!
- Thief!
Well, we got that
all out of our systems.
Why don't you two just
give each other a nice kiss
and make up.
Alright. Come here,
you. Here.
You take your
Oat Boats
and go practice in
the living room, okay?
Stephanie Judith.
Donna Jo Margaret.
Margaret?
Uh, D.J., why don't you
wait downstairs
and we'll be down
in a minute.
- But you said--
- D.J.
D.J., we need to talk.
Let me save you
a lot of trouble.
You're right, I'm wrong,
and I don't care.
Listen, D.J., Jesse
and I strike out
on auditions
all the time.
Being a performer is basically
a series of rejections
occasionally interrupted
by work.
Oh, yeah? Well, did either
of you have a part stolen
by your little sister?
[sighs]
Uh, yeah, you know something?
She's right.
D.J., you're right.
Stephanie stole that part
right out from under you.
In fact, she planned
this whole thing.
She tricked us into
bringing her along
pretending that
she cares about you.
The conniving
little sneak.
'And then, you fell'
into Stephanie's
fiendish little trap
by doing a great audition.
The monster.
Meanwhile, the sinister
little Stephanie
she used her
telekinetic powers
to send us
out of the room
so she could steal
your commercial.
Ooh!
I say we
light some torches
find the she-devil
and drive her
into the night!
Okay, you guys were right.
She didn't do it on purpose.
But I'm still mad at her.
Uh!
Alright, alright, kiddo.
I wanna know
what's eatin' ya.
Alright, pal. Come on.
What's the matter?
Tell us.
I don't know.
I'm so sick of sisters.
Everything was just fine
when it was just me.
Then, Stephanie came along
and everyone said
she was so cute.
Now everyone says
Michelle is so cute.
It's so disgusting.
Well, was it
so disgusting
when you did the play
and everyone thought
you were so cute?
No, that was fine.
Until one of
the so cute sisters
ruined everything again.
Ah, buddy.
It's tough
being the oldest
but you can't
overlook the benefits.
I mean,
you get everything new.
No hand-me-downs.
And you get to do
everything first.
That's right, date.
Drive.
You're the first
to be admitted
to an R-rated picture.
Without a parent or
a legal guardian, huh?
But the best part is..
...you got two little sisters..
...who need you
and look up to you.
And love you very,
very much.
(Joey)
'So what do you think?'
Should we light
the torches, find the beast
and drive her
into the darkness?
[chuckles]
I guess not.
But if we did, I'd still
have one little sister left.
- 'Aah!'
- Noogie!
Hello, information?
I need to talk to Mr. Boat.
Mr. Oat Boat.
I need to talk to Mr. Boat.
I can't do his commercial.
His cereal is tearing
my family apart.
Steph, I need to talk to you.
My sister's here.
Can I put you on hold?
Hello?
How rude.
I'm sorry,
I stole your part.
You didn't steal it
on purpose.
You didn't know
what you were doing.
That's true.
I never know
what I'm doing.
But you were right
about one thing.
I was a little jealous.
That's okay.
I'm always jealous of you.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
That's why I follow you around
and bug you.
I think
you're the smartest
prettiest, funnest girl I know.
Except when you hate me.
I don't wanna hate you.
I was just mad at you
and someday I'll probably
be mad at you again.
Can you tell me when
so I can go
visit grandma?
[chuckling]
That was funny, Steph.
Well, I know the rule is
you have to love
your little sister
but even if you were
some strange little kid
who lived in my room,
I'd love you anyways.
You're my best friend.
Really? I'm your best friend?
Yep.
Well, that works out great
because you're mine.
But do we
really need Michelle?
[laughing]
Yeah, you'll
like her better
when she's old enough
to push around.
Now let's work
on that script.
Okay.
Ladies first.
Now, where it says here
'"Stephanie takes
heaping spoonful"'
- 'Uh-huh.'
- You don't need to say that.
- You just do it.
- No!
- Yeah.
- Wow.
This acting is tough.
I wonder if Yogi Bear
had this kind of trouble.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ahh ♪♪
[theme music]