[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ Did I get
delivered here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me
please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie doo
bah bah dah ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Ready whenever
you are, Steph.
Practice your
show and tell.
Hi, boys and girls.
My name is Stephanie Tanner.
For show and tell today,
I brought something cuddly
cute, and adorable.
May I present..
My little baby sister
Michelle Tanner.
Michelle is a baby.
Her hobbies
are drooling and babbling.
Under here
is her diaper
which I'm not allowed
to change
but I've seen people
do it, and it's gross.
Any questions?
Yes, little girl?
Does Michelle have a big sister
who's really cool?
Yes, she does.
Me.
That was wonderful.
Steph, if I had
a gold star
I would stick it
right to your forehead.
Jesse.
Hi, guys.
- Bye, guys.
- Wait a minute.
- Jess.
- Hmm?
For the past five days
you've been sneaking
in and out of house
carrying that blue bag
with not one word
of explanation.
Uncle Jesse,
it's driving me crazy.
Just answer
one question.
Where do you go with
that bag?
- Out.
- Out where?
Outside.
And that's two questions.
Goodbye.
Hello.
I love everyone.
I love you and you
and you and you and you.
[imitating Joey]
I love you
and you and you.
What's the matter
with you?
Nothing. I got a call
from my mom this morning.
She found
an old savings bond of mine
in her safe deposit box
and I now have
5,000 founding fathers.
- Yes!
- Alright! Great!
Yeah!
Presents for everybody.
Danny, get Michelle.
- Alright.
- Okay.
You're first,
my little toddlerette.
Here you go!
A little baby lawn mower.
Oh, mow yourself silly.
Now, if you're real good
next year
you get the little
baby weed whacker.
Okay, D.J., you're next.
I'm afraid
all I have for you
is two brightly colored
pieces of paper.
Thanks.
Oh, thanks!
Oh, this is so rad!
Springsteen tickets! Yeah--
Hey, good seats.
Need a date?
Maybe.
What's in your bag?
Nice try.
Me next! Me next!
Oh, well,
I'm sorry, Stephanie
but all I have for you
is a brand-new bicycle!
[Stephanie screaming]
Joey, you really
shouldn't have.
(Stephanie)
'Yes, he should.'
Thank you, thank you
thank you.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
Oh, wait a minute, Steph.
No riding in the house.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Hold on. Steph?
- Thank you, thank you.
- Come on, Steph.
We'll try it out
in the back yard.
I can't stop!
Open the door.
Okay, guys, don't go away.
You got presents coming, too.
Alright!
Thank you. I'm through
with that. Thanks.
Dan, I, I hope Joey
gets me a new motorcycle.
That's be cool, huh?
I already know what
Joey's getting me.
What's that?
Eight hundred dollars in cash.
Whoa, nice chunk
of change. Why?
Well, 11 years ago,
I loaned Joey
eight hundred dollars
to fix his car.
But he hasn't had the money
to pay me back until now.
Better get it fast.
I don't want Joey's money.
That fact that he is finally
paying me back
is such a beautiful
and touching gesture.
That's why I'm going to give
the $800 right back to him.
Aw, that's the most
generous, stupid thing
I've heard in my life.
I don't care
what's in the bag.
Ohh!
No!
I shouldn't do it,
should I, Michelle?
What if..
Look, Michelle..
'...I've got a cookie.'
Yeah, you want the cookie?
They're yummy.
Want some cookie?
Yeah.
Come get
the yummy cookie.
[gasps]
Oops!
The cookie accidentally jumped
into the bag.
Go find it!
Unzip the bag, Michelle.
Let's see
what's in there.
'Never mind the cookie.
Get the zipper open.'
'Let's see what Uncle Jesse's
hiding in there.'
'You found it!'
May I help you?
She did it.
Shame on you,
Michelle.
Now you don't want
to grow up
and be a nosy
busybody, do you?
Your punishment
is to give me one kiss.
Come on, one kiss.
Thanks for trying,
Michelle.
Guys, ready for your presents?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
I've been ready
for 11 years.
Here you go.
Jess and Danny.
Thank you.
Alright!
A pass to the great
American amusement park.
A lifetime pass.
Alright, Danny,
open yours.
Well, actually,
I already kinda have
a hunch
what you got me.
[laughing]
A lifetime pass to the great
American amusement park?
Hey, we can double.
- See you, guys.
- See you.
Danny, wait till you see
the pinball machine I bought.
You bought
a pinball machine?
A genuine 1964 Gumby
and Pokey pinball machine.
And the beauty
part about it
I picked it up
for a mere 1,275 bucks.
Joey, this is why
you're always broke.
Every time you have a nickel
in your pocket you blow it.
Hey, come on,
lighten up.
Joey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Have you ever considered
doing something
with your money
besides just throwing it away?
- Oh, like what?
- Like what?
Like putting it
in a savings account or
or, or, or
buying a T-bill
or paying off your old debts,
or investing in precious--
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on.
Back up.
You said old debts.
Danny, I don't have
any old debts. Be serious!
Who'd be stupid enough
to lend me money?
Me.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one.
When did I ever
borrow money from you?
Palm Springs.
March 12, 1977.
Your car blows up again.
As usual, you're broke.
So I loan you
my last $800.
Oh, my God.
Danny, I completely forgot.
Why did you wait 11 years
to say something?
I was going to give
it two more years.
Danny, look. Here.
Just take the money back,
with interest.
- Just take the whole ball.
- I don't want it.
All I wanted was for you
to offer to pay it back.
Oh, sure, that's why you brought
up paying off my old debts.
- Here.
- Joey, I want you to invest it.
I am, I'm investing it
in getting you off my back.
Off your back?
- Yes.
- I don't want it.
I don't want it either.
Hi-yah!
[imitating Elvis]
Thank you. Thank you very much,
ladies and gentleman.
You're a beautiful audience.
Thank you.
[knock on door]
- 'Uncle Jesse.'
- Hold your horses, mama.
I, uh, I mean, hold on.
(Stephanie)
'I've got something
to tell you.'
Hold on, please.
Please, hold on.
Come in.
Want to come see me
do my show and tell?
Girls, I'm very busy.
May I help you?
Jesse, can I talk
to you about--
Jesse?
Yes?
What's under your robe?
Daniel, you're entitled to know
a lot of things about my life.
But what a man has
under his robe
is his own business.
Don't be cruel.
You're right.
What a man has under his robe
is none of my business.
Oh, this is so cool.
I should have looked
in that bag sooner.
Alright. Sit down.
I'm doing this tribute
to the king.
Show is called
"Rock & Roll Heaven."
I'm trying to save up some
money, I got some new songs.
I wanna make
some new demos.
It's only for a week.
I'm doing it tonight
and that's the last night.
Why didn't you tell us?
Well...I like to think of myself
as having my own
musical identity.
You know?
And..
I don't know.
I just feel..
I'm up there, you know.
I'm shaking, I'm wiggling.
I got to see this show.
- Me, too.
- Let's go!
No, no, no,
I don't think it's a good idea
you guys
coming down there.
Jesse..
...we just want to go there
to cheer you on.
Don't worry.
I promise.
Nobody's gonna
make fun of you.
Hey, Danny, uh..
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
♪ Time rolls on ♪
♪ And youth is gone ♪
♪ And you can't straight up
when you bend.. ♪
Now, don't forget.
We're not gonna fight
in front of the girls.
I'm sure if I forget
you'll remind me.
Eleven years later.
♪ Tiffany's.. ♪
Check it out,
a Madonna lookalike.
No, honey,
that's Marilyn Monroe.
(D.J.)
'Really?'
Boy, did she
rip off Madonna.
♪ I don't mean
rhinestones ♪
♪ But diamonds ♪
♪ Are a girl's best.. ♪
♪ Best friend ♪♪
Thanks, Marilyn.
Great stuff.
And now, Rock & Roll Heaven
presents..
the king of rock 'n' roll!
[instrumental music]
[cheering]
Thank you. Thank you
very much ladies and gentlemen.
You're a beautiful audience.
Thank you.
I'd like to start off
with one of my biggest records.
It's about this big.
[whistle]
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
Alright,
hit it, fellas.
♪ Well since
my baby left me ♪
♪ Well I found a new place
to dwell ♪
♪ It's down at the end
of lonely street ♪
♪ At heartbreak hotel
yeah ♪
♪ I get so lonely
baby ♪
♪ I get so lonely ♪
♪ I get so lonely
I could die ♪
♪ Die ♪
Yeah!
♪ Because I love you
too much ♪
♪ We're caught
in a trap ♪
♪ I can't walk out ♪
♪ Because my pants
might rip off baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ We can't go on together ♪
♪ With suspicious minds ♪
♪ Suspicious minds ♪
♪ And we can't
build our dreams ♪
♪ On suspicious minds ♪
♪ We're caught in a.. ♪
♪ I can't walk out ♪
♪ Because I love you
too much ♪
♪ Baby ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Hush little baby ♪
♪ Don't you cry ♪
♪ You know your daddy ♪
♪ Your daddy's
bound to die ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ But all ♪
♪ All my trials
lord ♪
♪ Will soon be over ♪♪
[cheering]
[music continues]
♪ Glory glory ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ His truth is ♪
♪ Marching ♪
♪ On ♪
♪ His truth is marching ♪
♪ On ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, Jesse was great,
wasn't he?
Girls, wasn't your
Uncle Jesse great?
♪ Since my baby
left me ♪
♪ Well I found
a new place to dwell ♪
♪ Down at the end
of lonely street ♪
♪ At heartbreak hotel ♪
♪ I get so lonely
baby ♪
♪ I get so lonely ♪
♪ I get so lonely
I could die ♪♪
(both)
Ha!
[imitating Elvis]
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You're a beautiful audience.
Okay. It's time for all
Junior Elvi to say goodnight.
(both)
Thank you very much.
You're a beautiful audience.
(both)
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Elvis has left
the living room.
Aren't they cute?
- They're adorable.
- Ah.
Adorably cute.
Take your money.
- Will you stop it, Joey?
- Take the money.
Can't believe you're still
doing this. Knock it off.
I can't believe
you won't take it.
Hello, boys.
Hi.
- Hello.
Guys, I'd like you
to meet, uh..
I'm sorry,
I didn't catch your real name.
Marilyn.
There's a coincidence
for you.
Marilyn, this is Larry,
this is Moe
'and the little one's curly.'
Get this, the show offered me
the job as Elvis
for as long as I want
or until I..
[imitating Elvis]
Dislocate my hips.
- Hey, congratulations.
- Great.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you. Thanks.
I don't know what
I'm going to do, though, guys.
I mean, uh...
tell me something, Marilyn.
I mean, doesn't it ever
get to you, you know
pretending to be
Marilyn Monroe?
Pretending?
I am Marilyn Monroe, silly.
- Yeah.
- Fine.
Sure. Yeah.
Uh, if you'll excuse us..
...Ms. Monroe..
...we have to put
the baby to bed.
By the way, I loved your work
in "Some Like It Hot."
Guess they're funny, huh?
Will you stop
bothering me?
I am trying
to make a sandwich.
I need a knife.
Knife, kn..
Ah! Knife.
Joey, allow me
to demonstrate
how a mature adult
constructs a sandwich.
Okay. Go for it,
Mr. Adult.
First, my friend, we start
with a clean knife.
We take two slices of bread.
On the left slice,
mayonnaise. Hmm.
And on the right slice,
mustard.
I'll bet you get
another knife.
Have to.
Another clean knife.
And then the mustard
we paint it on.
Hmm.
Now it's time
for the ham and cheese
and we alternate
ham, cheese
'ham, cheese.'
So that in every bite
we have an equal amount
of ham and cheese.
You don't need
therapy, do you?
Is that supposed
to be funny?
I knew you'd say that.
"I knew you'd say that?"
What is that
supposed to mean?
It means that you
are the most
predictable person
on the face
of this earth.
I know everything
you're gonna say
even before you say it.
- Oh, do you?
See? You are so
paint-by-the-numbers
that, even if the slightest
little thing falls out of place
you can't handle it.
- That's not true.
Well, let's just see
how true it is.
[humming]
Look at that crumb.
'It's driving you nuts,
isn't it?'
Doesn't bother me.
Oh, no.
Doesn't bother you?
[laughing]
But what if..
[gasp]
There's two crumbs!
'They're getting bigger
and bigger and bigger.'
'Don't touch them.
They're alive!'
This place is a pigsty.
[imitating a pig]
Oh, sure.
Sure, make jokes.
Because everything
is a joke to you.
Mr. Comedian.
That's right.
You only go around once.
You might as well get
all the smiles in you can.
Smiles are great.
But you are almost 30-years-old
and you still watch cartoons.
It's like living
with Pee-Wee Herman.
[imitates Pee-Wee]
Well, sticks and stones
may break my bones
but names will never
hurt me.
[screaming]
Joey!
Take this.
[screaming]
You are such a baby.
I know you are,
but what am I?
Okay. Let's settle this
like we used to
in the old days.
- Arm wrestling.
See? I know everything
you're gonna say.
Fine. Whoever loses
has to keeps the $800.
Sounds fair to me.
Okay.
- One, two three.
I can't even remember
the last time we did this.
June 22, 1979.
Why do you remember
all this stuff?
I don't want
the money back.
- Guys.
- Stop it, I've had it with you.
- Joey, I don't want the money.
- Guys..
Guys! Fellas!
There's something
a little more important
than what you're
arguing about.
Me.
Fellas, I'm confused.
I don't know whether or not
to take this Elvis gig or not.
I mean...I think
I should probably be
concentrating on my own music,
don't you?
I think you should
take the job.
You need the money
for your demo tape.
Jess, the only reason
you should listen to him
is if you lost a mitten
when you were four.
As for the job, hey,
I saw you out there tonight.
You were singing
songs that you love
just having a blast.
That's why
you should do it.
For fun.
- He needs the money!
- For fun.
- For money!
- For fun!
- For money!
- For fun and money.
Thank you, guys.
That's good advice.
I think I'm gonna
take the job.
Thanks.
(both)
You're welcome.
- Don't say you're welcome.
You know, I don't know what
I'd do without you guys..
...but I'm gonna look into it.
You know, that was, uh,
good advice you gave Jesse.
Thanks. I, uh, thought
yours was great, too.
I think we really helped him.
Well, yes. That's 'cause
we make a great team.
I guess that's why
we've stayed friends
For 19 years..
...four months
and three days.
'Cause maybe
I'm a little...square.
And I'm a little goofy.
You know what?
Between the two of us..
...we make
one hell of a guy.
That makes sense, I mean..
We've always been there
for each other, I mean
you were there when
I needed that 800 bucks.
And you were there
when I needed to have somebody
help me take care
of my kids.
I can never repay you
for that.
You never need to.
Danny, look,
a debt is a debt.
I just want to clear
ours up, so here.
Please take the money.
Okay.
Thank you.
But I'm buying you a savings
bond and a closet organizer.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.
- It's my money now.
- Make your bed.
- No!
[theme music]