[theme music]
That's mine.
You already had two.
One of mine was broken.
It didn't count.
Listen, Stephanie Judith.
I'm listening,
Donna Jo Margaret.
Stop it.
Be nice.
Okay. You can
have the cookie.
No, it's your cookie.
My cookie.
You know
who she reminds me of?
You.
[instrumental music]
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere you look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's ♪
♪ Confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice ♪
♪ Inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dream so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you are ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
Here you go, Jesse.
Thank you.
Two gallons of milk.
Alright.
A can of tomato juice.
Think fast.
And, of course, the box boy's
own personal touch..
...bread on the bottom
of the bag.
Break out the root beer, boys.
My report card is awesome.
- Alright.
- Way to go.
Three A's, a B
and a B minus.
Wish I got grades like that.
Stayed after school
so often people thought
I was the janitor.
Steph, these are
terrific grades..
...but your teacher
wrote here
"Stephanie is a
wonderful student
"but she needs to control
her talking in class."
Dad, it's not my fault.
Kids are always
asking me for help
and who can blame them?
Check out these grades.
Steph, if you're always
talking during class
you might miss out
on something really important.
Yeah. Like recess.
Or, reading and-and writing
and fundamental things.
Steph, you have to stop
being such
a little chatterbox.
So my own family thinks
I'm a chatterbox?
How rude!
- Steph--
- No, no, it's fine.
From now on this little
chatterbox is all locked up.
Dad, you've got to
do something.
Listen to my report card.
It's so unfair.
A, A, A, A, A--
How dare they!
This is an outrage.
You didn't hear
my Spanish grade.
D.
A D in Spanish.
Que pasa?
Huh?
Senorita Mosley hates me.
I don't know why,
but she just does.
She loves me.
I got a C.
Hold it.
You got a C in Spanish
and D.J. got a D?
Hey, man, I saw
"La Bamba" five times.
Six A's and one D.
Something's wrong here.
I think I'll have a talk
with your teacher.
Thanks, dad.
I knew I could count on you.
You know, D.J., one day
you're gonna be very happy
you can speak a second language.
It always comes in handy.
Well, excuse me,
Mr. Berlitz!
What other languages
do you speak?
Well, it just so happens
that I speak several.
[imitates Kermit the frog]
I'm, uh, fluent in frog.
[imitates Bullwinkle]
Let's see, I studied moose
at Wossamotta U.
[imitates Popeye]
And, uh, I speaks just
a smattering of sailor.
Ha-ge-ge-ge!
Wow!
[doorbell rings]
Who is it?
(Mr. Malatesta)
'Stephanie, it's Mr. Malatesta.'
(Mr. Malatesta)
'Jesse and Joey's boss.'
Thanks.
Uh, are the fellows in?
Uh, where's their office?
Down through the kitchen
and down the stairs.
Thanks.
Just what we need
in San Francisco..
...another mime!
Peekaboo!
Peekaboo.
- Peekaboo.
I see you.
I see you too.
Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Joseph.
Company.
- Oh.
- Mr. Malatesta.
Now, I know why you fellas
work at home.
It's so hard to get
up a good game
of peekaboo
at the agency.
[laughing]
I'll go make some coffee.
I'll, uh, make my bed.
Fellas we got big trouble
on the Mr. Marshmallow account.
We need a new slogan
and we need it now.
Peekaboo.
Uh, not now, Michelle.
We're trying to work.
Uh, you just sit
here and, uh..
...enjoy these
delicious marshmallows.
Delicious!
How about that?
That's been done.
Yummy!
"Yummy." Now, there's
a great word, but it needs more.
Michelle, what else you got?
No, no, no, it needs, uh..
...yummy in the tummy.
Yummy in the tummy.
- It works for her.
- It works for me too.
And I love it coming
from a cute little baby.
Yeah, okay, picture this,
sir. Picture this.
They get the baby, right?
She's floating on a cloud
that looks
like a marshmallow.
We got the music,
the wind--
Great, now, we got to find
the most adorable baby
in San Francisco.
[clearing throat]
Now, fellas, she is cute
but don't you think we should
use a professional baby?
(Jesse)
Sir...this kid
has got two years
of experience
playing a baby.
Give him a kiss.
Oh.
- Aww.
Okay, kid,
you got the job
but you better
be good.
Don't worby,
be happy.
[laughs]
And this is
my Spanish class.
Now, remember, dad,
that D was totally unfair.
Don't worry, Deej.
I'm on your side.
I'll get your grade
straightened out.
Hi, Steph,
how's it going?
You think she's carrying this
"I'm not a chatterbox"
thing too far?
Personally, I find it
a refreshing change of pace.
Hey, Mr. Tanner, did you get
D.J.'s grade changed yet?
Did you yell
at Senorita Mosley?
Did you make her cry?
He hasn't gone in yet.
Chicken?
Kimmy, you're doing
so well in Spanish.
You ever think of
moving to Mexico.
Come on, dad.
Class is gonna start.
Now, go in there,
and show no mercy.
Okay, don't worry, Deej.
I'm totally cool.
[exhales]
Excuse me, uh,
Senorita Mosley?
Danny Tanner!
I mean-I mean, Mr. Tanner.
Oh, I love your talk show.
I watch you all the time.
You know, you're taller
than I thought you'd be.
Yeah, well, on TV
I'm only..
...this big.
[laughs]
Oh, you are so funny.
You know, I loved the show
you did last week
where you learned
how to make pizza dough.
Really?
You know, it's harder
than it looks..
...because first you got
to pound the dough.
Dad's really giving it
to her now.
Or you could just pick up
a phone and order one.
[laughs]
Oh, you're so witty.
No wonder
you're such a big star.
Oh, well, I wouldn't
call myself a big star..
...but you just did.
It'd be pretty silly
for me to argue, huh?
[laughs]
Well, it's nice meeting you.
(Linda)
'Nice meeting you.'
Oh, wait, um..
...I came here to talk
about D.J.'s grade.
Why did she get a D?
You know, she started out
getting B's and C's
but then as the work got harder
she got discouraged
and she simply stopped trying.
Well, I was wondering.
Do you think--
[bell ringing]
Oh, look, I'm sorry.
Class is starting.
You know, I'd be happy
to stop by after school
and set up a study program
to help D.J. catch up.
Really?
I'd appreciate that.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm here to help.
Well, until later.
Hasta luego.
Uh, el pollo loco.
- Bye.
So what's my new grade?
A, A+, A-?
D.
D?
That's the grade I had.
I thought you were on my side.
I am, D.J.
Senorita Mosley thinks
she can help
you bring up that D.
We'll talk about this
after school.
Yummy in the tummy.
That was good, Michelle,
but next time try it
with a little more energy,
nice and loud.
Yummy and the tummy!
Joey, what are you doing?
You're turning my sweet,
little Michelle
into Sam Kinison.
Come on, Michelle.
Grab your wardrobe.
We're gonna make
that Gerber baby
wanna hang up
her booties.
(Jesse)
Come on. Come on.
And we'll label
the door la puerta.
La puerta.
See you later, Danny.
Nice meeting you, Linda.
El gusto es mio.
Right back
at you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, good luck, Michelle.
And when you're a big star
remember who changed
your diapers
all those years.
- Me.
Come on, let's keep labeling.
This is really a fun way
for D.J.
to help build
her Spanish vocabulary.
This is el sofa.
The sofa is el sofa?
How could she get
a D in this language?
Well, they're not
all that easy.
Oh. "Perro."
That means two of, right?
As in you have
a lovely perro eyes.
[laughing]
That's very sweet of you,
but no it means dog
and it's pronounced perro.
The double R is very important
in the Spanish language.
It rolls.
R-r-r-r.
Ar-ra-ra-r-r.
Come on.
Try it with me.
Perro.
You need more lips.
Now, watch my mouth.
Perro.
Pera-ro.
Perro.
Pera-ro.
Perro.
Per...ro.
Caramba!
I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no.
Linda, wait a minute.
Don't-don't be sor-r-r-ry.
That felt nice.
[laughing]
Whoa, baby!
So that's why
you took her side.
Thanks for sticking up
for me dad.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[knock on door]
[sighs]
D.J.
Something tells me
we need to talk.
There's nothing
to talk about.
You kissed my teacher.
You kissed Mr. Zambruski?
No. I kissed
Senorita Mosley.
You kissed a teacher.
Eww!
Oops.
There I go again.
Chattering away.
Silly me.
I can't believe
you sold out
your own daughter
for a kiss.
That's not
what happened.
You said you were
on my side.
Let's get a few things
straight here.
My kissing Senorita Mosley
had nothing to do
with you.
Kissing her...was a mistake
and it will
never happen again.
But that has nothing to do
with your D in Spanish.
Dad forget my grade.
You kissed my teacher..
...and all my friends saw it.
Look..
...parents make mistakes too.
I don't know
what else to say.
You're just gonna have
to accept my apology.
Fine. Apology accepted.
Excuse me.
That went well.
Alright, uh, the lighting
is a little harsh.
Can you turn it down, please?
You're starting
to toast my marshmallows.
Thank you very much.
You're a nice kid.
Don't change.
Alright, let me see.
Yeah!
Look at our son.
Such a big shot now.
Seems like just yesterday
I diapered
this little...tushy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Mother, please,
with my tushy?
I have to work
with these people, huh?
What are you guys doing here?
Oh, you asked us
to pick up Michelle.
Yes, at six o'clock.
It's only four, mother.
Oh!
Are we early?
Irene, you have
a camera around your neck.
You're not fooling anybody.
Okay, okay.
We came to see Michelle.
Where is our little superstar?
Step aside please.
Make way for Miss Tanner.
Hey, babe.
[laughing]
"Hey, babe." I told you
you'd get a laugh with that.
No please, no autographs.
Miss Tanner can't write.
Look at this little cutie pie.
She's like..
Irene, who's that redhead
I like on "Gilligan's Island?"
Not Mary Ann.
The movie star.
- Tina Louise.
- That's right.
She's a teeny-tiny Tina.
- And look at that little tushy.
- No mo-whoa, whoa!
Mother, do you have
to grab everyone's tushy?
Come on, Irene.
Alright.
Here we go
little angel.
Okay, now, what you do
you sit up here on the
marshmallow..
...and..
Ma!
Okay, okay.
Stand by everyone.
- 'Stand by, everyone.'
- We're almost ready.
- Okay, ready.
- To make marshmallow magic.
That's it.
Marshmallow magic.
Okay, Michelle,
let's show Mr. Malatesta
just how we practiced it.
No more.
[laughs]
This is just how
she warms up.
That's right.
She-she throws one first.
Meryl Streep,
same technique.
Okay, Michelle,
remember, "Yummy in the tummy."
Yucky.
[laughs]
It sounded like
she said "Yucky."
Tummy full.
Uh, well, see,
what's happened, sir
is she's rehearsed all day.
She went through
a whole bag of these.
Oh, hey. I understand.
It happens.
Dump the baby.
See if you can
get me that baby
from the dog food commercial.
Sir, let her digest.
Is this guy crazy?
This is the next
Tina Louise.
Nicky, let me talk to him.
I can be nice.
Mother, that's my boss.
Don't touch his tushy.
Oh, Michelle,
you were terrific.
We just let you eat
too many marshmallows.
Now, don't
take this personally.
You're fired.
- You're fired.
- No, you're fired.
- No, you.
- No.
Give me a kiss.
- You're still fired.
- You're fired.
[instrumental music]
Come on, Steph. We made your
all time favorite lunch.
Peanut butter, jelly
and banana.
Joey, we got to get
that kid to talk.
I have no idea what's going
on in the first grade.
Come on, D.J., you're
gonna be late for school.
Oh, I don't wanna
go to school.
I feel sick.
D.J., you're not sick.
You're worried that the kids
are gonna tease you
about your dad
kissing your teacher, right?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'll tell you the
perfect way to handle this.
What you do is you go in
and you tell a bunch of jokes
about your dad
kissing your teacher.
That way, it's no fun
to tease you
'cause you beat 'em
to the punch line.
But I don't know any jokes.
I'll help you
write 'em.
You know, when
I was in sixth grade..
...I had a face
full of zits.
- Nobody teased me.
- Why not?
Beat up the first guy
who said somethin'.
Yeah, actually it might be
best to go
with Joey's plan
in this case.
Linda, it's not that
I'm not attracted to you.
I just think
it's inappropriate
for us to date
while you're D.J.'s teacher.
You're right.
Why did I kiss you?
How could I do
such a horrible thing?
I just said
it was inappropriate.
I didn't think
it was repulsive.
I meant I shouldn't
be involved
with a student's parent.
And I don't wanna put D.J.
in an awkward position.
But you know
I'll only be her teacher
for three more months.
We'll have dinner
the day she graduates.
[laughs]
You're on.
I better slip out
the back door.
Oh, Danny, Danny,
that's the..
...closet.
[indistinct chatter]
Buenos dias, estudiantes.
Ah, let's not get settled yet.
You know, we're gonna take
a field trip to the cafeteria
to learn the Spanish words for
knife, fork and mystery meat.
(all)
Ooh.
Clase, por favor.
Uh, that's okay,
Senorita Mosley.
"Ooh." That's the best
you can do?
You guys need some help.
Uh, how about this?
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Deej.
- Deej, who?
Did you see my father
kiss the teacher?
[laughs]
- D.J.--
- Oh, no. You'll love this one.
Why does my father wear "I love
Senorita Mosley" suspenders?
To keep my grades up.
[laughs]
Okay, clase,
vamos a la cafeteria.
Oh, hi, Deej.
(all)
Ooh.
What did I ever do to you?
Class, this isn't
what you think.
That's right.
Well, guys, I'm sure
you've all seen
my TV show every day.
We're doing a special
on great closets
in San Francisco.
When will that closet
special be on, Mr. Tanner?
I'll let you know, Kimmy.
Thanks for asking.
Amazing. That guy looks
just like my dad.
Dad, why did you hide
in the closet?
That's the first place
everyone looks.
I wasn't hiding.
I was trying to leave.
D.J., do you remember
that speech I gave you
about parents
making mistakes.
Mm-hmm.
You want to hear it again?
Nuh-uh.
Look, I just want you
to know that
I'm not gonna see Linda
while she's your teacher.
And I'm really sorry, again
that I embarrassed you...again.
But I think
we should talk about
what started this whole mess.
That you wouldn't
get my grade changed.
You know you deserved that D.
[sighs]
Alright.
Maybe I just sort of gave up.
But let's face it.
I'm no good in Spanish.
Hold it, Deej.
Come here.
Look..
...honey, I understand
it's frustrating.
So many things come
so easily to you..
...but not everything will.
And if you give up on something
just 'cause it's difficult..
...you're gonna miss out
on a lot that's valuable.
There's no better feeling..
...than conquering something
that's really hard for you.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But what if I work
as hard as I can
and I still can't
get an A?
Then I'll be proud of you
for working as hard
as you can.
Okay, I'll try.
Thanks.
That's gracias.
You're a padre muy bueno.
Huh?
That means
you're a great dad.
[laughs]
Come on, Steph.
I can't take the silence.
Please, I miss
the old chatterbox.
Let's hear a little chatter.
Are you sure?
Yeah, are you guys sure?
We wanna hear everything
that happened today.
I think I'll go do
my Spanish homework.
Okay, boys, have a seat.
Okay, this morning
Mr. Gibbler
ran his car
over a garbage can
then got TV dinner trays
all over the street.
You don't say.
I do say.
Then I saw a dog that looked
just like a lion.
I thought it was a lion
but then Mrs. Norton came out
and hit it on the head
with a newspaper
and then it barked.
So I was pretty sure
it was a dog.
Really?
Would I make that up?
And did you hear what happened
to Virginia Gauding?
She got $5
from the tooth fairy.
Must've been a big tooth.
Are my teeth too small or do
I have a cheap tooth fairy?
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪
[theme music]