[theme music]
Okay, Michelle, now
I'm gonna teach you
your first joke, okay?
Alright, now, when I say,
"Knock, knock"
you say,
"Who's there?"
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Boo.
That's not funny.
No, you're supposed
to say, "Boo who?"
Why?
Well, because that's
part of the joke.
I say, "Knock, knock.
Who's there?"
"Boo. Boo who?"
Don't cry, it's only a joke.
Got it?
Got it, dude.
Good.
[knocking on door]
Who's there?
It's dad.
Dad who?
Oh, you don't know
your own dad?
Don't cry,
it's only a joke.
[laughing]
[theme music]
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's ♪
♪ Confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do
ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Wanna play?
Not right now,
Michelle.
But you're
my favorite sister.
Really? I'm your
favorite sister?
That's so sweet.
But I'm kind of busy
right now.
Today, they made me editor
of the school newspaper.
What do you think of
your favorite sister now?
Eh.
Hey, babes.
Hey, Steph.
Wanna play?
You're my favorite sister.
I am? Really?
Did you hear that, D.J.?
Enjoy it while it lasts.
Let's play shadow.
No, thank you.
"No, thank you."
I said, "No,
thank you."
"I said, no, thank you."
Okay.
"Okay."
I'll do anything
Stephanie says.
"I'll do anything
that Stephie says."
Stephie says
stop playing.
"Stephie says
stop playing."
It was worth a shot.
"It was worth a shot."
- Hi, D.J.
- Hi.
Hi, there, Tanner tots.
Oh, great.
Kimmy's here.
"Oh, great.
Kimmy's here."
You guys sound
just like my parents.
Okay, copycat.
I'm gonna go
eat broccoli.
"Okay, copycat."
I'm gonna eat
some ice cream.
Alright,
madam editor!
Give me a job
on that paper
and we're gonna
rule the school.
You wanna work
on the paper?
I've never even
seen you read a paper.
I read papers
whenever I'm in line
at the supermarket.
Well, I don't think
we're gonna need any articles
about finding Elvis on Mars.
It was Venus.
Come on, I need
an extracurricular activity
so it looks like I care
about the stupid school.
Well, Kimmy, I'd really like
to put you on the paper,
but the only thing left
is sports editor.
That's perfect for me.
You don't know anything
about sports.
Sure I do,
my mom used to be
a professional wrestler.
Please?
You're my best, best,
best friend.
Oh, not the puppy-dog face.
[whimpering]
Oh, not the whimper.
Okay, you've got the job.
Just don't lick my face.
Alright!
Thanks, D.J.
I'm one of those people
who writes for a newspaper!
It's called
a journalist.
Really?
It sounds so geeky.
(Stephanie)
Hide me! Hide me!
"Hide me! Hide me!"
Thanks, you guys.
(Michelle)
"Thanks, you guys."
(Joey)
Alright!
Stevie wonder-dog.
♪ Isn't she lovely ♪
♪ Isn't she wonderful ♪♪
Good doggie. Yes.
This is great.
We started our own
production company
so you could do
stupid pet tricks.
Shh!
Don't insult
our only client.
As long as we're waiting
for the phone to ring..
...Spock, the Vulcan retriever.
Yes, see Spock run.
See Spock live long
and slobber.
This is so stupid,
two grown men
sitting in an attic
wasting time--
- Hang on, I got one.
- Alright.
Elvis dog.
♪ Well since my poodle left me ♪
♪ woof woof ♪
♪ I've found
a new place to smell ♪
♪ It's down at the end
of lonely street ♪
♪ At heartbreak hotel ♪
♪ woof woof woof woof ♪♪
Well, I knew when
I invested in this company
you boys
would make me proud.
Comet, bad dog! Get away
from the equipment, stop it!
Danny, we're going crazy.
We need a job.
Any word about us shooting
that commercial
for "Wake up, San Francisco?"
- Let me tell them.
- I wanna tell 'em.
- You always get to tell them.
- Somebody tell us.
Okay, we'll tell them on three.
Ready? One, two..
- You got the job.
- You cheated!
- We got the job?
- Uh-huh.
[chuckling]
Yes!
- Thanks, Danny.
- Your welcome.
- Alright.
- Alright!
Our first job at our very own
production company.
That's right, our commercial
is gonna have
the whole town psyched
up for the new
and approved "Wake Up,
San Francisco" starring
Rebecca Donaldson
and Danny Tanner.
Now, let me show you
what we got worked out here.
- Check this out, you guys.
- We open up with a bed on set.
Uh, Jess, excuse me
this is-this is a small
itsy-bitsy point
it's hardly worth mentioning,
but I-I can see
that you're wondering
it's-it's always been..
..."starring, um, Danny Tanner
and Rebecca Donaldson."
- Okay, back to our story..
- Start with the bed..
Of course one could
make the argument
though no one
here is arguing
that since the show
is changing its image
other changes
might be long overdue.
I-I thought we discussed all the
changes that needed changing.
If you're making changes
just for the sake of changes
well, that changes
everything, doesn't it?
Danny, I just thought the show
would be a little more balanced
if, let's say, well,
I talked a little more
and you talked
a little less.
Well, maybe I do
go on a bit
but you always
seem to enjoy it.
You're always sitting there
you know, happy
and, huh, perky.
You got a problem
with perky?
Perky's great.
Maybe it's a coffee thing.
'Maybe you've been drinking
a lot of coffee.'
Maybe we could do this
with puppets.
Yeah, I think
little hand puppets.
[indistinct]
[instrumental music]
Articles. Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, Bitterman,
you got your article?
Some article, I mean,
all I do is copy
the menu from
the school cafeteria.
Come on, you write
the most popular column
in the whole paper,
"Today's Lunch."
I should be
sports editor
not your best friend,
Kimmy Gibbler.
Deej, you're
gonna go nuts.
I got an exclusive interview
with Robbie Hawkins
the star of
the basketball team.
Robbie Hawkins isn't even
on the basketball team.
He's the equipment manager.
Yeah, but he looks
so cute passing out
these little cups
of Gatorade.
See what I mean?
Well, I'm sure it's a very
well written article.
Written on a napkin.
Read it out loud.
This ought
to be good.
What's for lunch,
Bitterman?
"This Day In Sports
by Kimberly Louise Gibbler.
"Ever wonder about that
mega-cute guy
"who's on the basketball team
who's always wiping up
"the sweat puddles?
"It's Robbie Hawkins, and,
girls, he spots those puddles
"with eyes of blue,
not sky-blue
"but more like a
turquoisey gray blue
with little specks
of green?"
How's that for
investigative reporting?
Kimmy, you forgot to investigate
who won the game.
You've got to
rewrite this.
Rewrite it?
You mean,
write it again?
Yes, with
different words..
...words about sports.
If you think
I'm so bad
why did you even give
me the job?
I gave it to you
because we're best friends.
That's nepotism.
It is not.
It's favoritism.
It's still an "ism."
Look, Kimmy, I need a new
article written right away.
Then go ahead
and write one.
That's your job.
What's your job?
Queen of the paper?
(all)
'Ooh.'
Look, I'm the editor
and I'm telling you
to do this over.
No way,
I skipped my nap
in algebra to write that.
I'm not doing it.
Well, then I guess
you're not sports editor.
Then I guess
we're not friends.
- Fine.
[melancholic music]
[instrumental music]
Ahh, no Michelle.
"Ahh, no Michelle."
- Grr!
- "Grr!"
She is driving
me bananas.
"She is driving
me bananas."
Steph, not now.
I've had a horrible day.
Kimmy and I are never speaking
to each other again.
Gee, that's a shame.
"Gee, that's a shame."
Okay, big shot
let's see you try
and handle this.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
"and to the republic for which
it stands one nation indivisible
with liberty
and justice for all."
- Try that.
- "Try that."
Aye, ye-yei, ye-yei.
"Aye, ye-yei, ye-yei."
D.J., I thought about
what you said to me today
and that's why
I wrote this.
Oh, Kimmy, you did
the rewrite..
...on real paper.
"The Gibbler Gazette?"
Read it and weep.
"Power hungry editor
Donna Jo Tanner
"stabs best friend
in back.
Actual photo
on page two."
You pasted my head
on Freddy Kruger's body?
How could you do that?
That's it.
Now our friendship
is really over.
Thanks, that face
is gonna look great
on Fred Flintstone's body.
[instrumental music]
Okay, let's rehearse this out,
remember, you two
are two typical San Francisco
viewers, okay.
(Jesse)
And it's early in the morning.
You're just waking up.
Yeah, your face is puffy,
your hair is smushed
you got that
white crud caked
on the corner
of your mouth--
Joey, you're
grossing them out.
Come on.
Let's rehearse this.
Ready? And...action!
- "Wake Up, San Francisco!"
- Hi, I'm Danny Tanner.
- And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
And starting next week, you'll
be seeing a new and improved--
Uh-ha, I'm sorry,
I hate to interrupt.
Here we go.
At the risk
of talking too much
guys shouldn't we be waking up
a little more naturally?
She's shooting up like
a pop tart in a toaster.
Oh! Well, excuse me
for being so perky
but I thought the idea
was to wake up
with some energy.
Right, pumpkin?
Yes, sweetheart.
I'll handle her.
- You handle the tall one.
- Okay.
Aw, honey muffin,
I love you.
And I love the way
you woke up.
Mm-mwah.
He's playing favorites.
Aw, honey muffin..
...I love you, and I love
the way you woke up.
Mwah-mwah-mwah.
There. Now you feel
better, Danny?
- A little bit.
- Okay, alright.
Now, come on,
let's compromise here.
Danny, when you wake up,
wake up a little more..
...pop tarty.
Alright, sweetheart,
when you wake up try to be
a little more stiff,
like your partner.
Okay, a little more makeup
for Miss Donaldson, please.
Accentuate the cheekbones.
Very nice.
Watch the hair.
Thank you, girls.
- Uh, how do I look?
- Danny...you're a fox.
- Thanks, Joey.
- Alright.
Alright, let's try
it again.
I feel a lotta love
in this room.
And...action!
- Cut!
- Ah!
Look, I ' sorry,
just one more
teensy-weensy
little problem.
How come all the lights are over
on her side of the bed
and I'm sitting here
in the shadows
like a troll
under a bridge?
Daniel, Daniel,
Daniel.
We...we feel that
too much light
may accentuate
the angularity
of your features.
Are you saying
my nose is too big?
No, no, no, your nose
is just the right size.
Your face is just
a little too small.
Ha! Good one, honey.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Okay, let's just rehearse
this beginning to end
once with no stops please.
That's right. Danny, perk it up,
Becky, perk it down.
And...action!
- "Wake Up, San Francisco!"
Hey, I'm the perky
Danny Tanner.
And I'm the stiff
Rebecca Donaldson.
And starting next week,
you'll seeing a new
and improved
"Wake Up, San Francisco."
It's warmer.
It's friendlier.
So let our happy home..
Be a part
of your happy home.
Get yourself comfortable.
Grab yourself
a cup of coffee..
And a pop tart.
And join us every morning
at 9:00 as we say..
(Both)
"Wake Up, San Francisco."
- That looked really good.
- Yeah, it works for me.
[instrumental music]
[typewriter keys clanking]
Are you still typing?
"Are you still typing?"
Michelle, aren't you tired
of the shadow game yet?
No way, Jose.
"No way, Jose."
Hey, that's my game.
"Hey, that's my game."
- I quit.
- "I quit."
I'm free!
"I'm free!"
Please give me
my life back.
"Please give me
my life back."
I love this game.
[typewriter keys clanking]
- Hey Deej.
- Hey, how'd it go?
Well, we shot
a great commercial.
Unfortunately, it took us
24 coffee cups to get it.
You keep saying
it's my fault.
- No, because it's, uh--
- It's not my fault.
Hey, hey, hey, no fighting
in front of the kid.
- Fine.
It's okay, I 've been
fighting all day.
I fired Kimmy
from the paper.
You fired
your best friend?
Ex-best friend.
Deej, I can't believe
I'm actually saying this
but don't you think you
and Kimmy ought to try
to work this out?
I am, I'm working
on an editorial
that is gonna trash
her reputation.
I've got secrets stored up
since kindergarten.
Yeah, but you've been through
so much together.
You're a team.
You're partners.
Yeah, take a look
at your dad and Becky.
They'd never let a little
squabble come between them.
'They're way too mature
for that.'
Yeah, Deej, no matter what
your differences are
you and Kimmy have always been
there for each other, right?
'Cause you two care
about each other.
Deej, it doesn't take strength
to hold a grudge.
It takes strength
to let go of one.
Now, the most important thing
in a friendship is forgiveness.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, I'm sorry too.
I'm sorry.
You see that, Deej?
Now, doesn't that
make you wanna..
...run next door
and give Kimmy a big hug?
No, not really.
Thanks for the talk.
I wonder if "Cheese for
brains" is hyphenated.
Well, at least our speech
saved one friendship.
Danny, if my perkiness
ever gets
on your nerves,
you just let me know.
And if I start talking
too much or rambling
or babbling, or just running
off the mouth--
Danny.
I'll shut up.
Okay, boys.
This is the last time
you'll see
Kimmy Gibbler
in this house.
I'm returning
all your stuff.
Jesse, here's your hairbrush.
Here. You can keep
the hair.
Joey, here are
your car keys.
Time for a new car stereo.
Time for a new car alarm.
And Mr. T., here is your
answering machine beeper.
By the way,
call your mom.
That's all I borrowed
from you guys.
Alright, Kimmy..
...to borrow,
you need consent.
Otherwise,
it's called stealing.
Mr. T...I'll miss
your dry sense of humor
most of all.
"By second grade, Kimmy 's
diseased mind reached a new low.
"She faked the mumps
with two hostess snowballs
stuffed in her cheeks."
I did it.
I lost her going through
the doggie door.
[knocking on door]
Oh, please.
Don't let it
be Michelle.
It's Kimmy Gibbler.
Or Kimmy Gibbler.
What are you doing
here, Gibbler?
Bringing back all
your stuff, Tanner.
Steph?
Tell Kimmy to leave
my stuff and go.
D.J. says get you
and your chicken legs
out of here.
Tell your sister I want all
of my stuff back too.
Kimmy says she wants her stuff
back so she can leave
and never ever come
back here again. Ever.
I'll be happy to
give it to her.
Fine, here's
the Bananarama tape
you got me
for my birthday.
Shows what you know.
I gave you Bananarama
for Christmas.
For your birthday,
I bought you the bangles.
Bangles, Bananarama,
what's the difference?
What's important is,
you two are history.
Here's your
fanny pack.
Here are your leg warmers.
Your pineapple lip gloss.
Your Erik Estrada
"CHiPs" action figure.
Your old retainer.
Your shrunken head.
You guys had
a weird relationship.
This is not my
shrunken head.
Yes, it is, you gave it to me
in the third grade
at the carnival.
Oh, right.
We rode on the screaming siren,
and you got sick.
And you gave him to me
to make me feel better.
Yeah, and then
you said it looked
like our teacher Mrs. Hunt.
Actually, Mrs. Hunt's head
was smaller.
Girls, why are we laughing?
We are supposed to
be fighting.
We've been through
a lot together, huh?
No.
Yeah. It would
be a shame
to give all this
good stuff back.
No.
I'm sorry, Kimmy.
I'm sorry, too, D.J.
No.
I'm sorry about
"The Gibbler Gazette."
I'll tear them all up.
I hated what you
wrote about me
but loved the way
you wrote it.
You've got
a real style there.
How'd you like to be our
new gossip columnist?
Really?
You want me
to poke my nose
into other
people's business
and spread wild rumors
around school?
You do it anyway. You might
as well write it down.
This is great! We can spend
even more time together.
Stop. You're killing me.
"Stop. You're killing me."
Hey, Kimmy..
...wanna play shadow?
"Hey, Kimmy, do you
wanna play shadow?"
- No, I hate that game.
- "No, I hate that game."
- I said no.
- "I said no."
- I really mean it.
- "I really mean it."
- Stop it!
- "Stop it!"
- Stop it!
- "Stop it!"
- I'm getting annoyed.
- "I'm getting annoyed."
- Michelle.
- "Michelle."
- I'm not joking.
- "I'm not joking."
- Enough!
- "Enough!"
- Stop it!
- "Stop it!"
- I'm serious.
- "I'm serious."
- Stop it!
- "Stop it!"
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do
ba ba da ♪♪