[theme music]
[drumming]
My turn.
Aw, I knew you
had it in you.
You want to be just like
your Uncle Jesse, right?
Okay, here we go.
Sit over here,
grab the sticks.
Here, there.
Alright now, what you do is
start off on the bass drum.
Do one and three on bass,
two and four on snare
eight's on the high-hat, do a
big flourish and end on cymbal.
Are you talking to me?
Yeah, forget all that.
J-just bang the heck
out of 'em.
[drumming]
Rock 'n' roll!
We love you,
San Francisco.
[chuckles]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ When did I get
to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me
please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do-be-da-ba-ba-da ♪♪
Hey, Steph.
We just got back
from pre-school.
And your sister, Michelle,
has something to show you.
Want to see what I got?
Sure, why not?
You have to say "please."
I'm not that interested.
Steph, just play along.
It's politeness week
in pre-school.
I'd like you to meet Officer
Michelle of the "Polite Police."
I'll be
watching you, mister.
'Stephanie.'
Have a very nice day.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Dad! Boy, I missed you.
How's the greatest dad in the
history of dads feeling today?
Very suspicious.
Compliment him on his
shoe, sock, pant combination.
Dads love that.
Dad, sit down.
Make yourself
comfortable.
Careful, dad.
She needs money
and lots of it.
How do you know?
Deej, we go back
eight years.
We all know when
it's kiss-up time.
Alright. How much?
Well, you have to know this
money's not for anything fun.
It's for clothes,
a basic necessity of life.
How much?
Well, before I tell you
the actual dollar amount
you have to know that
these are the
world's coolest tennis shoes.
How much?
Only $80.
Per shoe.
[guffawing]
Why are we laughing?
'Cause for
a second there I thought
you actually
asked me for $160 for sneakers.
I did.
[laughing]
But these aren't
just sneakers
these are "Blow-outs."
"Blow-outs" are so rad.
They actually inhale
and exhale as you walk.
And if I don't get these,
I'm gonna be a total geek.
You know how
that feels, Mr. T.
Takes one to know one.
Deej, you don't always
have to follow the crowd.
When I was a boy, and everybody
was wasting their allowance
on those Evil Knievel jumpsuits
I went out and I bought some
sensible Sansabelt pants
with an adjustable
waistband.
A style still worn today by some
of America's finest bowlers.
Time for plan B.
Dad, wouldn't it
be great
if I never had to weasel
money out of you again?
I like plan B so far.
I can earn my own money
by getting a job.
There's a photographer
down at the mall
and he said that I could be his
part-time assistant.
Deej, what about
your school work?
Your grade in science
has been slipping lately.
I give you
my personal guarantee
that DJ will raise her grade
in science.
Oh, the Gibbler guarantee.
Oh, well, that changes
everything.
Dad, come on.
I'm 14 years old.
I'm ready for adult
responsibilities.
Alright, look, if you
can keep your grades up
you can take
the job.
Oh, thanks, dad.
Yeah, thanks, Mr. T.
Why are you so happy?
Well, DJ's getting "Blow-outs"
and we have
the same size feet.
[strumming guitar]
Hi, sweetheart.
Beautiful.
Listen, my folks called today
and they have this wacky idea
that since we're engaged
we should actually set a date
and a place for the wedding.
Time to say the magic word.
"Graceland."
Honey, I know it's
your dream to get married
in that crushed-velvet
amusement park.
But consider
all the benefits
of a wedding
back in my hometown
Valentine, Nebraska.
Name one.
- It's not Graceland.
- Oh, come on.
- Jess, I don't want--
- You've never seen Graceland.
It doesn't matter.
You're 27 years old.
- Jess, Jess.
- What?
Quick, can I borrow
your credit card?
I'm way over my limit
and the shopping network
is offering a special
on the Barney Rubble
bath collection.
No way,
you still haven't paid me
for that California Raisin
Chess Set.
Joey, I'll buy you
the rubble bubble bath.
You will?
Yes, but you have
to sell Jesse on the idea
of a wedding
in Nebraska.
Okay. How would
I sell Nebraska?
Wuh, wuh.
Wuh, you two kids
getting married?
Wuh, consider Nebraska
a downright friendly place
with downright friendly folks.
The corn is as high
as an elephant's eye
and, dagnabbit, the sky's
not cloudy all day.
You picture it,
Jess, my boy.
(Joey)
'Just, just picture it.
Picture it.'
Hey, goat.
You seen my fiancee
around here?
[bleating]
Jesse!
Time to get hitched, farm boy.
Beck, you got me dressed up
like a Beverly Hillbilly.
You look cuter
than a hound dog in a hair net.
Ready or not,
here I come.
Hi, baby.
Have mercy.
Plant a big wet one
on me, Jethro.
No way. I'm not getting
married on hee-haw.
What are you doing?
Just checking.
Joseph, explain
to my fiancee
the virtues of a classy elegant
wedding at Graceland, won't you?
Okay. Classy and elegant.
Imagine yourself at Graceland.
A luxurious, palatial estate
of the late, great king
of rock 'n roll, Elvis Presley.
Where every corner
oozes romance
from the gold-plated
racquetball courts
to the newly astroturfed
jungle room
worth over nine zillion dollars.
Picture it, picture it,
picture it.
[honking]
(Jesse)
'Where are you, darling?'
Come out here, baby.
Let me see you.
Oh, yeah.
You look like a hunk-a,
hunk-a burning bride, baby.
Jess, are you sure you
like my hair like this?
I can barely hold my head up.
Oh, you look prettier
than a fried peanut butter
and 'nanner sandwich, Priscilla.
Jess, my name
is Rebecca.
Sorry, 'scilla.
Wise men say
only fools rush in
but I can't help
falling in love with you, baby.
Something doesn't feel right
about this wedding.
Yeah. You're absolutely
right, Priscilla.
That beehive ain't high enough.
Let's jack that baby up
a little bit.
It's got to be fit for a king
you know what I'm saying, baby?
I think you do.
Oh-h.
Let's get a few things straight.
My name is Rebecca,
and I'm not getting married
with a hairdo
like Marge Simpson.
- Marge Simpson?
- Yes.
What are you talking about?
Okay, come on, you guys. Hey.
Come on, that's enough.
Listen, you're getting
married real soon
so you better learn
to compromise.
Now, call me
totally nutty
but what about having a wedding
right here where you live?
In San Francisco?
Well, the kid's
got something.
I mean, this,
this is where we met
and this is where fell in love.
Yeah, this is where
all our friends are.
- Let's do it.
- Alright.
And let's get married on the
most romantic day of the year.
Aw, perfect.
Elvis' birthday.
No. Valentine's day.
Aw-w, I love it.
Joey, thank you
for all your help.
You're welcome.
Now would somebody
please give me a credit card?
If I call now, they'll throw in
a free Bam-Bam's soap-on-a-rope.
Oh, thanks, Fred.
Ah ha ha.
Oh, Jess, I feel so at peace
now that we finally
made this decision.
Yeah. I can't believe we're
getting married in six weeks.
A-ah!
Six weeks.
We have a million things to do.
Find a church, hire a hall
buy a dress,
pick out invitations
a band, a caterer,
cocktail napkins--
- Becky, why don't we elope?
- Oh, I don't know.
Then we'd need
a balcony, a ladder
a getaway car,
a flashlight.
Come on, Anthony,
smile for mommy. Please?
Pretty please
with ninja turtles on top?
Just leave this to us
professionals.
Oh, happy helper.
Here I am,
happy to help.
Great. Go get Anthony to give us
a big tot-shot smile.
Hi, Anthony.
I'm DJ,
the happy helper.
Now, why don't you give me a big
happy smile for your picture.
No!
Arr, mm-m, grrr.
That's not funny.
I know what you need.
It's Howie the Hippo.
Look at how he can zippo
how he can flippo.
I really feel like a dippo.
That's not funny.
Come on. I've had a rough week.
Now, what can I do
to make you laugh?
Be a duck.
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack!
Oh, what a beautiful child.
Is that gonna be cash or charge?
Check.
Come on.
Oh, happy helper.
[chuckles]
Kimmy, do you really have to by
every day and laugh at me?
I'm not laughing at you,
I'm laughing with you
only you're not joining in.
Come on. Take a break.
Those cute guys
want to buy us pizza.
I don't want anyone cute
seeing me like this.
What about after work?
I have to go home, eat dinner
and then try
and stay awake long enough
to study
for my science test.
Poor kid.
You're working like a dog,
and dressing like a dweeb.
You must really want
those "Blow-outs" bad.
It's more than shoes.
I'm trying to be
a responsible adult.
Then if I were you,
I'd lose the clown suit.
Come on, boys.
Comet, it's not polite to beg.
Now say "please."
[dog barks]
Very good, Comet.
Hey, you forgot
to say thank you.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Good afternoon, Michelle.
Is dad home yet?
No, but thank you
for asking.
Well, at least I'll stay out of
trouble for a few more minutes.
DJ, you don't have to show
your dad that science test.
Yes, I do.
I promised him
that I'd raise my grade.
And he knows I'm getting
my test back today.
So when he sees this...I'm dead.
The first F of my life.
Excuse me, but no elbows
on the table.
When my dad finds out
about this F
he's gonna make me quit my job.
You know,
now that I look at it
I don't think
you got an F.
I believe that you
got an A.
Kimmy, how could you do that?
It's not polite to yell.
Michelle, I have enough problems
without the "polite police"
on my tail.
So just stay out of this.
You forgot to say "please."
That's it.
This is not polite.
Thank you.
You are not welcome.
[sighs]
I have to go to work.
You know, Kimmy,
you really messed me up
by giving me that A.
Now I can't show it to my dad.
Why not? It's a perfect forgery.
Kimmy, don't you understand?
What you did is wrong.
It's dishonest,
it's deceitful, it..
...really does
look like an A.
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack!
[babies bawling]
Smile, DJ.
Oh, great.
More humiliation.
Excuse me.
What are you guys doing here?
Well, we were
in the neighborhood
and I had my camera.
I thought we'd
stop by to say "hi".
- Hi.
Well, thanks
for stopping by.
Do you know you have
a mop on your head?
Yes. It's part
of my uniform.
Can I borrow your uniform
next Halloween?
[sighs]
Well, I should get back to work.
Well, before we go, if I'm not
mistaken and I'm not
wasn't your science test
due back today? How'd you do?
I really should
get back to work.
Come on, Deej.
Tell me how you did.
Did you bring
the test paper with you?
Yeah. I'll show you
but there's something
I should really tell you.
You got an A?
Way to go.
This is going right up
there on the refrigerator.
Dad, this isn't--
You know, sweety, I'm a little
embarrassed to tell you this.
But I had my doubts
about you
but you just proved to me that
you could hold on a job
and actually improve
on your schoolwork.
I've never been
so proud of you, sweetheart.
Now, what was it
you wanted to tell me?
Uh, there's a sale on sponges
down at Broom Barn.
Oh, what beautiful
children.
Can I help
you people?
You're not gonna believe this,
we had no intention
of having any pictures taken
but your bright young assistant
here convinced me
to get some shots of my sweet
little Michelle over there.
What a fine fine salesperson
you have in this young lady.
Okay, happy helper,
start happy helping.
Okay, little girl
you're gonna get
your picture taken.
I've got to tell you that bright
young lady in the clown costume
she is fabulous.
Better give her a raise.
Uh, what the heck do I know?
I've never seen her
before in my life.
Say cheese.
You mean, "say cheese, please."
Say cheese, please.
- Cheese.
- This is amazing.
My sweet little Michelle has
never smiled in her entire life.
Cheese.
May I have
that cupcake, please?
No, you may not.
But I was polite,
and I said, "please."
I was polite, too.
I said, "no, you may not."
Guess what?
Politeness week is over.
'How rude!'
Whoa.
Hey, Deej.
Hi, Uncle Jesse.
See you got an A here
on your science.
It was nothing.
Let's hear what an A paper
sounds like, shall we?
"Photosynthesis."
"Photosynthesis
is the process
in which photos
are synthesized."
Hmm, I wonder what
an F paper looks like.
Oh, well, actually maybe it
looks something like this.
How did you know?
How did I know? Huh!
You're talking to a guy who used
to changed forties to nineties.
Zeroes to hundreds.
In fact this is beautiful.
One time I actually
got away with changing
the word "awful" to "awesome."
It was..
The point is,
it was wrong.
It was wrong.
The point is it was wrong.
And what you did
was wrong too.
Same thing, wrong.
I know, but Kimmy was
the one who changed the grade.
Yes, but you didn't do anything
about it now, did you?
So, you know what you have to do
with this paper, don't you?
Keep my mouth shut,
and do better next time?
Where's dad?
He's in the living room.
Rotating couch cushions.
Hi, dad.
Hey, Deej.
Here's a helpful hint.
Always rotate your couch
cushions every 25,000 sits.
Dad, we need to talk.
You know what I like
about you best?
My charm,
my rugged good looks?
Your forgiving nature.
What did you do?
Here goes.
My science grade
was an F
and Kimmy changed it
to an A.
I'm just guessing she doesn't
have the authority to do this.
Dad, I'm sorry.
But with work
and all my other classes
I didn't have time
to study for my science test.
Then you should come to me
and told me what was going on.
DJ, we had an understanding.
You wanted to be
a responsible adult
and this is the least
responsible thing
you could've done.
I just wanted to prove
that I could earn my own money.
Well, that's all
out the window now.
Because you're going to
have to quit your job
and no hanging out at the mall
until you pull up that grade.
Okay. Guess I'll go back
to being a kid again.
Deej...there's nothing wrong
with being a kid.
You should enjoy it.
You got the rest of
your life to be an adult.
Well, I guess if being an adult
means wearing a red mop
on my head, I could handle being
a kid a little longer.
[chuckles]
In case I forgot to mention it,
you're a pretty great kid.
Thanks, dad.
[sighs]
Well, I guess this is my first
and last paycheck.
You're gonna use it to help pay
for those "Blow-outs"?
Are you kidding?
Pay $160 for shoes?
Do you know how much
quacking and waddling
I had to do to earn this money?
It's going in the bank.
That's good news.
Sounds like you're learning
the value of a dollar.
I am, and I appreciate
how you're going to feel
when I ask you this.
Dad, can I have a raise
in my allowance?
You know honey,
back to those couch cushions--
Things are really expensive
these days, you know.
The fluffiness
a pillow must have.
A dollar's not
a dollar anymore.
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Do-be-da-ba-ba-da ♪♪