[Jesse Stamos singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy
evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here
somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[doorbell ringing]
- I'll get it.
- We'll both get it.
[gasps]
One moment, please.
I'll be right with you.
Daddy, there's a monkey
at the door.
That's got to be my sister.
Your sister is a monkey?
Excuse me.
- Hey!
- Surprise.
- Hey, Wendy. You're back.
- Hey, hi.
Girls, it's your Aunt Wendy
and-and her monkey.
- Oh, look at the monkey.
- Oh, wait a second.
Is it safe for the kids
to be near the monkey?
Oh, absolutely.
She's very tame.
I raised her all by myself
from a little baby.
I was studying chimpanzees
in Uganda
and I found poor Ginger
all by herself.
Everybody, wave hi to Ginger.
- Hi.
Girls, give your Aunt Wendy
a hug.
- Hi.
Come on, let's sit down.
I wanna hear everything.
Hey, come on, Ginger.
Let's have a seat.
Dad, we gotta get a monkey.
Honey, you know the rule.
No jungle animals in the house.
Hey, Ginger, can you do
a monkey face?
[squealing]
Not bad. Try a chicken.
[clucking]
What's going on in here?
Ho ho ho.
A monkey,
a girl with blonde hair.
- It's gotta be the jungle girl.
- Hi.
How are you doin'?
Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- This is, uh, my wife, Rebecca.
This is Wendy,
Danny's little sister.
Wendy, it's nice
to finally meet you.
That's Ginger.
Ho ho ho. Hi, Ginger.
Listen, uh, he-he-he, she's
got her, uh, hand in my pocket.
What's her hand doing in my
pocket, I mean, I know what
it's doing in my pocket, but I
mean, uh, why is she doing it?
That's amazing. Ginger's
usually so shy with strangers.
- She must really like you.
- Oh, goody. Ho ho ho ho.
Uh, okay, that's..
Enough of that, Ginger.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Nice to meet you.
How are you doing?
Okay, ooh, yeah.
Alright, listen, I'm not, uh..
I'm not really, uh, a monkey
type of guy. Thank you.
- Is this thing tame?
- Yes, she's very well-mannered.
And she has the hots
for my husband.
Hey, Ginger, he's mine.
Alright.
Oh, Jess, I just cleaned
the coffee table.
Could somebody slide a coaster
under her or something?
Danny, if you're that worried
about Ginger
maybe I should get a hotel.
Don't you be silly.
I wouldn't have it.
You're gonna stay here with me.
Ginger can get a hotel.
- Hey.
- Joey, look who's here.
Oh, my goodness.
Wendy Tanner, you little cutie.
You have not changed one bit.
Very funny, Joey.
I'm just kidding.
Come on, give me a hug.
Why? So you can stick
a sardine down my back.
Hey, I haven't pulled that bit
since I was in eighth grade.
If you're so worried about it,
just give me a little handshake.
Oh, yes!
Yes, you can go home again.
Joey, that's so lame.
[sighs]
I'm sorry,
I saw you coming
so I just grabbed the nearest
fake hand I could find.
That's it, Joey. Wanna pick up
right where we left off? Fine.
♪ I'm calling your mom ♪
♪ See if I even care
see if I even care ♪♪
Okay, would you guys
just call it a truce, please?
Alright, let's shake on it
for real.
Come on, Danny, we got
a lot to catchin' up to do.
I have a job interview
at 3:00 at the zoo.
Do you think
you can give me a ride?
You know, I'd love to
but I gotta get to the station
to tape some promos.
Joey, do me a favor.
Why don't you take Wendy and-and
maybe you can get across town
without tryin' to play
a trick on her?
Okay, well, you better hold
my sneezing powder..
...my whoopee cushion..
...and my exploding tuna.
What are you doing in my lap?
Wh-what do I look like?
Santa Claus?
♪ Somebody's got
a monkey crush ♪♪
Urgh.
I got two words for you.
Banana, binaca.
Not the hair. Watch the hair.
Look what just got delivered.
It's addressed to Tanner.
Rip that sucker open.
Michelle, I don't know
if this package is for me.
But there's only one way
to find out.
What the heck is that?
I bet it's from Africa. Huh.
It says, "I am Nikata.
"Feed me or a curse will be
brought upon your household.
Enjoy."
What's a curse?
It's a magic spell that
brings a bunch of bad luck.
Then we better feed him.
Michelle, there's no such thing
as magic spells or curses.
So we're not gonna
have any bad luck.
- Hey, squirtarinos.
- Gibbler's here.
That's very bad luck.
True, but it's not
Nikata's fault.
It's D.J.'s.
Listen, you guys, Kimmy
and I are doing beauty makeovers
so the bathroom's off-limits
for the next three hours.
You're gonna need
three years for Kimmy.
[laughing]
Don't hate me
because I'm beautiful.
This guy is making me nervous.
Michelle, nothing bad's
gonna happen.
It's just a silly block of wood.
[automated]
Feed me.
You heard the man. Feed him.
And five, and six,
and seven, and eight.
- One..
- And one.
- And two, and three..
- Two..
- And four, and five.
- Three..
Oh, come on, Beck,
how trendy can you get?
Baby aerobics?
Jess, it will help the boys
develop their motor skills.
They'll crawl earlier,
walk sooner.
Who knows? Maybe
even potty train faster.
Double time! And one,
and two, and one, and two.
Okay, okay, I think
we've had enough. Yes, we have.
[crying]
Come on, boys.
Time to hit the showers.
- Alright.
- Yes, come to mommy.
Go to mommy when you're crying.
Go to mommy.
There you go.
[crying]
Oh! Two crying babies!
Oh, great.
The zoo crew is back.
I think
somebody missed somebody.
Yeah, okay, kid, listen.
Look, Ginger.
I hate to break it to you,
but it's over, alright?
I'm a happily married man.
There's nothing going on
between you and me.
Alright, okay, alright.
Listen, listen, listen here.
Now, look, I can't hang out
with you, you know.
Y-y-you wanna find a playmate,
go-go find Michael Jackson.
Look, I'm sorry. I don't
wanna hurt your feelings.
Y-y-you're a beautiful monkey.
You-you got gorgeous eyes.
Uh, really-really nice ears,
a winning personality.
It's just that, uh,
you're too short for me.
So, Wendy, what do you think?
You're gonna take
that job at that zoo?
I don't know.
But I do know I had
a great time with you today.
Oh, me too. Hope I didn't drive
you nuts with my animal voices?
No, it was fun.
I've always wondered what
a Tasmanian devil sounded like.
[babbling]
Well, I'm sorry,
I played all those stupid tricks
on you back when we were kids.
Truth is
I really did like you.
Well, the truth is
when I was a little girl
I had a secret crush on you.
Well, what if I told you
I had a secret crush
on you right now?
I'd say, the secret's out.
Hey, you're back.
- And you're kissing.
- Hey, Danny.
Wow. I, I don't know
what to say, uh..
When you guys left here,
you-you weren't even friends
and now, uh, boy, you're
very friendly, aren't you?
Yeah. Isn't it great?
And thanks to you
for getting us together.
Oh, hey, don't mention it.
Uh, Joey, why don't you and I,
uh, get dinner ready now?
And, Wendy, you must be tired
after your trip.
If you want,
you can rest in my room.
Alright. Yeah,
I am a little jet-lagged.
Um, Ginger, you wanna take
a nap up in Danny's room?
Woah, wait-wait a minute,
I haven't quite
monkey-proofed the sheets yet.
Oh, don't worry. I'll take care
of Ginger. I'm a monkey expert.
I've read every
"Curious George" book.
- Great. Thanks, Joey.
- Sure.
Ginger, are you gonna
be a good girl?
[squealing]
Okay. I'll see you guys later.
And I'll see you little later,
you Tasmanian devil.
[growling]
Hey, Ginger, why don't you
cop a little squat up
here on the couch?
We'll get to know each other.
Hey, what do you say
we get out
this month's
"National Geographic?"
See if any of your friends
are in there.
I got an idea.
We could pick nits
off each other.
- Joey, we need to talk.
- Hey, Danny, come on.
I'm trying to bond
with the little chimp.
What you're trying to do is
bond with my little sister.
What's wrong with that? Your
sister happens a great girl.
Joey, I wanted the two of you
to be friends.
I didn't want you to try
and make a move on her.
You know,
if I didn't know you better
I'd swear you didn't want me
going out with your sister.
Look, it's just not
a good idea, alright?
Danny, I really don't care
what you think, okay?
- You don't care what I think?
- No, I don't.
I'm your best friend, Joey.
What are you talkin' about?
Well, you're not being
my best friend right now, okay?
I'm as involved in this
as you are.
- You're not involved, alright?
- It's my sister and you.
- Where did Ginger go?
- I don't know.
You're the monkey-sitter.
Why don't you just mind
your own business, okay?
You have no right
to tell me who I can date.
Now if you'll just back off
and get out of my way
I got a monkey to find.
- Joey.
- Don't Joey me, okay?
My avocado mask is hardening.
Yeah, I'm turning
into guacamole.
Mm. Let's scrape this off
with Doritos.
Girls, have you seen Ginger?
Sorry, Joey,
we can't see anything.
Just my luck,
I finally meet a woman
I really like,
and I lose her monkey.
- Out of my way, Danny.
- Maybe we should wake Wendy up.
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you, making me look
irresponsible, that would
play right into your hands.
I just thought maybe she knew a
secret monkey call or something.
Okay, Kimmy, one more minute,
and I'll comb out your perm
and shampoo
in the special rinse.
I hope you like the color
I mixed for you.
It's very subtle.
Thanks, Deej. I wouldn't trust
my hair to anyone but you.
(DJ)
'Kimmy, you can't afford
anybody but me.'
(Kimmy)
'Good point.'
(DJ)
'Time's up
on our fruit facials.'
Okay.
Alright, Kimmy.
It's time to make you beautiful.
Oh, Alex, isn't that precious?
You rocked your daddy to sleep.
Now, can you burp him for me?
Hmm. Oh, I'm awake, I'm awake.
I didn't miss anything.
When did we have a baby?
Come on, honey, you were up
all night with the twins.
Oh, hello.
Why don't you take a nap?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
And why don't you join me?
We turn the lights down,
lock the doors and..
...nap like we did
on our honeymoon.
Mm. I could go for a good nap.
Have mercy.
- I'll be right in.
- Can't wait.
Okay, you guys, now
I want you to go to sleep.
And if you wake up,
just talk among yourselves.
Okay?
Hi, Becky.
Mm.
Is that a new perfume?
It's a walk on the wild side,
isn't it?
Hm.
Can't keep your hands
out of my hair, huh, honey?
Oh, I love you.
Oh. Hm.
That feels good, honey.
Ah, you know
all the right spots.
The rough stuff tonight,
huh, honey?
Has Uncle Jesse been a bad boy?
Becky..
...when was the last time
you shaved your back?
[screaming]
God! Urgh!
I just made out with a monkey.
- Did you see that?
- Yes.
And, honey, I think I learned
a few tricks from Ginger.
Get over here.
[laughing]
Whoa! I knew
I should have knocked.
There you are. Okay, come on.
Come to your buddy, Joey.
Oh, man, she hates me.
Why won't that monkey
give me a break?
I don't know,
but if you talk sexy to her
she'll nibble on your ear.
Joey, would you forget
about this monkey for a second?
You and I have to talk.
Danny, there's nothing
to talk about, you already
told me you didn't want me
goin' out with your sister.
- Joey, would you listen to me?
- No, I won't.
Are you ready to take that nap?
Yeah, right after I take a bath.
Ergh!
Well, I think
I've done all I can do.
I can't wait to see it.
Trust me, you can wait.
What? Do I look that stunning?
I'm definitely stunned.
Doesn't she look cute, girls?
You look like Bozo.
She means Francesca Bozo,
that Italian supermodel.
I'm talking about Bozo
with the ball on his nose.
D.J., what did you do to me?
It's not D.J.'s fault,
it's Nikata's.
He's cursed this whole house.
We gotta go feed him.
- I've gotta see my hair.
- Kimmy, don't.
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
I'll pay to have it shaved.
No. No, no, no. I love it.
And finally,
I'm one step ahead of Madonna.
And the best part is
my mom's gonna freak out.
Thanks, Deej.
Happy to help.
- How do we feed him?
- You got me.
He has no stomach.
He's just a head on a stick.
Here comes Ginger.
There goes Ginger.
- Ginger, come back here.
- Joey, come back here.
Hi, dad.
Steph, what are you doing?
I'm trying to stop the horrible
curse on this household.
Oh, well, keep trying.
Boy, tough house
to take a nap in.
Hey, my Nikata bank.
What do you mean bank?
I bought it for my tacky
souvenir collection. Watch.
[automated]
Feed me.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
You mean, there's no curse?
No, it's just for fun.
See, Michelle? You little kids
will believe anything.
Oh, puh-lease!
[chattering]
Ah, there you are,
you little missing link.
Okay, now, come to Joey.
Ginger, no! Hey, Ginger!
Hey, Ginger.
Yeah, come on in.
Please?
[chattering]
Ginger, look, there's
nothing to be afraid of.
Just don't look down.
Ginger, Ginger.
Joey, what are you
doing out there?
I'm baking bread. What does
it look like I'm doing?
I'm trying to get a chimp.
Joey, it's dangerous out here.
Would you get in
the house right now?
I'm tired of you treating me
like a little kid.
I don't treat you
like you're a little kid.
I just know what's best for you.
Now, you get in here
before you catch a cold.
See that?
You're doing it again.
Okay, excuse me.
Now you got nowhere to run to.
Joey, would you listen to me?
No, you listen to me.
I'm a nice guy.
Wendy's a big girl.
She doesn't need you
to protect her from me.
I am not trying
to protect her from you.
(Joey)
'Oh, no? Well, then
what are you doing?'
I'm trying
to protect you from her.
Protect me from her?
What are you talking about?
Joey, I don't wanna..
I don't want you to get hurt.
Wendy's the kind of person..
She's totally committed
to her work.
She could pick up tomorrow
and just wind up
halfway around the world.
I've seen her
break a lot of hearts, okay?
Well, I appreciate
you looking out for me.
But I really like Wendy and
I-I'm willing to take that risk.
So would you just do me a favor
and stop trying to be my dad?
I'm sorry.
I gotta learn to let go.
But you are turning
into a fine, young man.
[laughing]
Well, thanks.
So would you just be my friend?
I'll be more than that.
I'll be your best friend.
Alright.
- Hey, Ginger!
- Ginger!
- Come on, open the window.
- Would you open the window?
- Go, get Wendy.
- Thank you.
Uh, oh, Ginger! Come on.
- Get Wendy.
- Hey, hey, I got this.
Well, I bet you thought
you were pretty funny
with that little window gag,
huh, Ginger?
[chattering]
Hey, thanks for saving us,
Wendy.
I thought you were taking a nap?
I couldn't stop thinking
about that job at the zoo.
Now, if I take it, it's gonna
mean living in a big city
with noise, and traffic,
and pollution.
Hm, so you're not gonna take it?
Well, it also means
hot showers and pizzas
and my little Tasmanian devil.
So, I'm taking it.
- Alright.
- Yeah.
You know what, you two actually
make a pretty nice couple.
[chuckling]
Oh, it's great
you're gonna be in town.
[chattering]
Well, we just have
one little problem.
Your monkey's been hiding
from me all day.
I think she hates me.
Then why is she hugging me?
Because her favorite game
is hide and go seek.
[chuckling]
Okay. Mine, too.
- Hey, put her there, babe.
- Is everything okay?
Looked out the window,
I saw three monkeys in a tree.
Oh. Oh! Good gosh.
Alright, okay. I give up.
Let me go get dressed. I'll dry
my hair and we'll catch a flick.
What's that? Okay, fine.
We'll go see
"The Planet Of The Apes."
And there goes
another nice couple.
[laughing]
Come on. I'll make you
some vegetables.
[theme music]