[theme music]
(Michelle)
'More good stuff!'
You can have Bobo.
Comet ate his head off.
You can have this too.
It doesn't slink anymore.
Very generous.
Michelle, why don't you
give Nicky and Alex
something that's
not broken.
Why?
Babies will play with anything.
Really?
Here.
Want my old watch?
The hour hand fell off.
It only tells minutes now.
Oh cool. Thanks.
Look what I got.
Christmas shopping for these
three should be easy.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, Danny, give me a hand
with these, would you?
- Sure
- Oh, thanks.
Joey...why did
you buy these?
Nobody likes
Brussels sprouts.
I felt sorry
for them.
Sitting there all
alone on the shelf
watching everyone go
for the carrots and the corn.
Joey, you know,
they're vegetables.
They don't have feelings
like you and me.
How do you know?
Have you ever been
a Brussels sprout?
You love this don't you?
You're deliberately starting
an argument with me
just to drive me crazy.
- Uh-huh. And I did. Yes I did
- No you didn't
- You're not gonna do it again.
- I just did.
- No you didn't.
- I certainly did.
- Nourishment.
- Eats.
- Locusts.
- Brussels sprouts? Yuck.
Kids can be so cruel.
Hey, Steve, look,
your favorite.
Alright. I got my girl,
I got my can o' cheese.
What else do I need?
- Cracker?
- Ah. Kickin'.
- Bye.
So, how's school goin',
honey?
Funny, you should ask.
I meant
the other honey.
Well I'm trying out
for the school paper.
They're letting me
write an editorial.
Oh, that's Great.
Keeping up
the Tanner tradition
of journalistic excellence.
Well I've been nominated
for class president
by the Party Hearty Party.
That's great, too.
Keeping up
the Gibbler tradition
of public embarrassment.
Hey.
I'm a serious candidate.
Here, listen to
my campaign speech.
You will vote for Gibbler.
Kimmy, you really think
that's gonna work
on anybody
with half a brain?
I will vote for Gibbler.
'I will vote for Gibbler.'
Go ahead, make fun.
But, this really works.
My dad uses this on my mom
when he
wants his back shaved.
Kimmy I would leave
that part out of your speech.
[telephone rings]
My turn. My turn.
I got it. I got it.
I got it.
You got
the last time.
Hello.
Tanner residence.
I'll see if he's in.
Uncle Jesse!
Who's calling,
please?
Dad, that could've been
Randy Richardson
the second cutest boy
in my whole class.
Of course, he's also
the third dumbest
but...overall,
it kind of works.
Shorty, who's on the phone?
- It's Fat Fish Records.
- Oh, my record company.
Probably calling to tell me
my song's off the charts.
Listen do me a favor, pretend
like you're my secretary
and take
a message for me, okay?
I'm the secretary.
What's the message?
Hold on. I'll tell him.
Your song's number one.
What? That's impossible.
Last week I was 99.
Here let me talk to them.
- Sorry. I'm the secretary.
- Give me that phone!
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey!
Take a lunch.
I'm just doing my job.
Talk to me.
You're kidding?
Really?
Becky.
Oh, that's great news.
Yeah. Th..
Becky!
No. Yeah. That'll be perfect.
I'll be there.
Great. Thanks.
Becky, Oh..
Yes, dear?
You guys aren't going
to believe this.
My song's number
one...in Japan.
- Honey, that's great!
- Crazy.
They want us to go to do
a TV show there for two weeks.
You, Nicky and Alex get to come
and we all leave Saturday.
Oh, God, Jess,
this is so exciting.
Danny, do you think that you
could cover for me on the show?
Oh, hey, no problem.
If anybody can
talk for two
I'm your man.
- Hey, we're going to Tokyo!
- Ah!
Excuse me.
You're going away?
Aw.
Shorty listen.
It'll only be for two weeks.
And I promise
I'll write single every day.
Okay, I'll call.
Alright,
I'll bring presents.
- Have a nice trip.
- Ah.
[instrumental music]
[screaming]
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold on one second.
Hey-Hey Koji.
How do you say thanks, again?
Domo.
Hold it, hold it, I've got
another one, watch this.
[imitating Elvis]
Domo very much.
Oh, here's my wife Becky
and my kids.
My wife, my kids.
Look at that. The karate kids.
The karate kids.
Boy I can't believe
all these people.
Check this out, Beck.
I'm a t-shirt.
You are.
Okay. Thank you, guys.
Domo.
Nice to see you.
Come to the show.
Domo.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Thank you.
Alright. Okay.
Okay, you win.
[sighs]
Can you believe all these people
showed up for the rehearsal?
I know.
They worship you.
I mean look at all
these flowers and balloons.
I know, I really love
what they've done
with this dressing room,
it's so..
...so me.
And, Koji, you've been great.
Thanks for everything.
I mean look at this place.
We got flowers
and fruit baskets and cashews.
- Oh, these are salted.
- Oh, you prefer the unsalted?
- No problem.
- Oh, no, it's okay, Koji.
Oh, I can get them.
No problem.
Okay, thanks, 'cause salt
makes me expand sometimes.
Nice to see you.
Thank you.
[screaming]
He went to get unsalted.
Can you believe that?
I love being number one.
Don't you love being
Mrs. number one?
Well, I love seeing
you so happy.
You're smiling all the time.
I know.
- Jesse!
Hey.
Jesse, I heard about
the cashew situation.
Oh, Nancy, it's okay.
Uh, listen, uh, Nancy,
this is my wife Becky
'and these are our boys
Nicky and Alex.'
Becky, this is
Nancy Shimada.
She represents
Fat Fish Records here in Japan.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
I assure you your snacks will be
handled properly in the future.
Oh, it's-it's cool.
You are a rock star.
You should be treated like one.
Really?
Hear that, Beck?
I'm a rock star. Nancy said so.
Jesse here's your schedule
for this afternoon.
Well, Jess, I thought
that we were gonna go
sightseeing
this afternoon.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I have a photo session.
And, uh, my album signing thing.
Didn't my people tell you?
Your people?
Yeah, I have people now.
Is that cool or what?
- 'Jesse!'
Watch out, Koji!
Ah. Here we go, Jesse.
Unsalted.
Just the way you like them.
Oh.
Do you have the honey roasted?
'Cause I love the honey roasted.
When I got them on the plane.
- Honey roasted?
- Yeah.
No problem.
- Jess.
- What?
Forget it.
Watch out, Koji!
[screaming]
I love it
when they do that.
Look, honey I have to get
the boys
back to the hotel
for a nap.
Um, what about
tomorrow afternoon?
'Do you think we could go
to see Mount Fuji?'
I don't think so.
We've got Jesse booked up
for the rest of your visit.
Sheesh.
"Photo ops, record signing.."
Oh, check this out, Beck.
I'm christening a bullet train.
Well, is there anything on
this schedule that says
"Time with family?"
Uh, I don't see anything.
But, listen, you know
what we'll do?
We'll stay an extra few days
and I promise, we'll go see
all the traditional Japanese
touristy stuff, okay?
Do you guys have
an Elvis museum here in Tokyo?
Sweetie, I can't,
I can't stay a few extra days.
I have to get home
and get back to work.
You know, and the boys,
they miss the family
their toys,
their regular food.
What's the matter guys?
Don't you like sushi?
Oye, sushi.
Ha ha!
They love it.
- Jesse, we gotta get movin'.
- Okay.
We can't keep the fans
waiting, Beck.
See ya, sweetheart.
Honey,
what-what about dinner?
Oh, I'll catch something
on the flight.
Thanks for thinking
of me, babe, really.
Look out!
Here I come!
Whoa!
Let me sign.
[dramatic music]
Daddy go?
I know, boys.
I miss daddy, too.
Huh?
Come here.
Come here, my boys.
Mommy needs a hug.
Come here.
Come over here.
Yeah, daddy.
Come here. Oh.
- Daddy.
- Daddy. I know.
[instrumental music]
Joey, I know what you're doing.
You're just deliberately trying
to drag me
into another
dumb argument.
Danny, it's just a theory.
There's only so much
weight in the world.
If I lose 5 pounds,
someone else has got to gain it.
Why are you doing
this to me?
Because the cable's out.
D.J., Please save me.
Say something intelligent.
- How's your editorial goin'?
- Oh, it's not.
I'm supposed to write my opinion
of the class elections
but, if I write
what I really think
Kimmy's gonna
hate me.
Is she still running on the
Ignorance is bliss ticket?
Let me put it
to you this way.
If she wins, all the guys
with less than eight percent
body fat
have to enter
a torn t-shirt contest.
What am I
gonna do?
Well, you know,
a good journalist
has to tell the truth
even if it means
hurting your friends.
Maybe, if you use big words,
she won't understand it.
[telephone rings]
Please, be Randy.
Hello?
No, this isn't Mario's.
Why would you want
a pizza with pineapple?
How rude.
That doesn't count, Michelle.
I get the next one.
No.
The next one
can be Uncle Jesse.
Why doesn't
he call us?
He's in Japan, Michelle.
He's probably busy.
How far is Japan?
Far, Michelle.
Thousands and thousands
of miles.
How far is a mile?
5,280 feet.
Wow.
That's a lot of feet.
How many toes is it?
Michelle, Japan's all the way
on the other side of the world.
Well, then,
how am I gonna get there?
I don't care.
Dig a hole
through the earth
and come out
on the other side.
Oh.
Thank you.
Now, was that so hard?
[instrumental music]
[applause]
[speaking Japanese]
Jesse And The Rippers!
[cheering]
Domo. Domo.
I'm gonna try this first song
in your language, okay?
Koji, cover me
on those cue cards.
It's entitled
"Tasukete, Rhonda."
[instrumental music]
♪ Ano ko ni fu la lete ♪
♪ Doe su rya ee no sa ♪
♪ Yo foo kay ni ka aete ♪
♪ Asa wa golo golo ♪
♪ Ano.. ♪
♪ Tasukete Rhonda ♪
♪ Koji get the cards up ♪
♪ Japanese is not
my second language ♪
♪ Uh Honda ♪
♪ Rhonda ♪
♪ Mitsubishi ♪
♪ Rhonda ♪
♪ Toyota ♪
♪ Rhonda ♪
♪ Godzilla ♪
♪ Rhonda ♪
♪ Karate kid part two ♪
♪ Rhonda ♪
♪ Honda Rhonda ♪
♪ Mitsubishi Rhonda ♪
♪ Tasukete Rhonda yeah ♪♪
Domo very much.
Domo.
Alright, this is for all
the beautiful people in Japan
for making this song
number one.
Let's keep it
number one, forever.
[cheering]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
[guitar solo]
♪ If every word I said
could make you laugh ♪
♪ I'd talk forever ♪
♪ Mmm mmm ♪
♪ If I asked the sky
just what we'd be ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It'd show forever ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Na na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ If the song
I sing to you ♪
♪ Could fill your heart
with joy ♪
♪ I'd sing forever ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Na na na na ♪
♪ Forever ♪
♪ Forever.. ♪♪
Mr. Tanner, you gotta
read D.J.'s editorial.
It's like pure poetry.
"And so today, when we
vote for class president
"we must put aside
our friendship
"and make
the intelligent choice."
Ha!
So much for President Gibbler.
So much
for our friendship.
D.J.
Kimmy.
We did it!
It was
a Gibbler landslide
and I owe it
all to you.
- You do?
- It was your editorial.
Everyone made
the intelligent choice.
The Party Hearty
Gibblercrats have spoken.
- Hey, congratulations, Kimmy.
- Thanks.
So what about
my campaign promise?
Look on behalf
of the wrestling team
we don't do mud.
Bye.
Well, Steve, wait.
What about hot oil?
Jell-O?
Guacamole?
[indistinct chatter]
Becky-san!
Oh, what a great show!
I don't think Jesse could
be any happier
if he found out
he was related to Elvis.
Well, he's gonna be
treated like a king.
Fat Fish wants him to tour
Asia for the next year.
A whole year?
[chuckles]
Wow!
That's a big decision.
And Jesse's very close
to his family
especially,
his three nieces.
And then, of course,
there's my career so
well we're really gonna have to
sit down and talk about this.
(together)
'Jesse-san. Jesse-san!'
Whoa! Come on, Koji!
Come on, Koji!
Koji,
they love you here.
God, what a rush.
You know, Jess, Nancy just told
me that Fat Fish Records
wants you to tour
the Pacific for the next year.
Really? That's great. Oh!
Well, honey, don't you think
we should--
Celebrate? Exactly.
Koji, break out the good stuff.
- Honey roasted.
- I love this guy.
[knock on door]
Oh!
Jess, the press is here.
We could announce
the big tour.
Jess, we have to talk, now.
Honey, we can't keep
the press waiting.
Let them in.
Hi, press. Hey, everybody.
It's nice to see you.
Hi. I'm Jesse.
- I hope y'all enjoyed the show.
- Excuse me.
'Excuse me.'
Mina ima sugu
detayeekay!
Dete!
Becky, what's gotten into you?
And when did you learn
to yell in Japanese?
I've had a lot
time on my hands.
That was the press you
just kicked out of here.
Jesse, I don't care.
You just agreed to tour
for a whole year
without so much as
asking me what I thought.
Well, we'll have fun.
Just like we've been having.
Oh, yeah, jess.
It's been a blast.
Eating without you,
sightseeing without you
kissing the kids
goodnight without you.
Yesterday, Nicky called
the limo driver daddy-san.
You know, we do have
a similar hair thing going on.
Jess, what has happened
to your priorities?
It's like all of a sudden your
family's way down on the list.
Oh, come on, Becky.
You're over exaggerating.
- My family's number one to me.
- Oh, really?
Well, didn't you tell Michelle
that you'd write to her
every day for the whole
two weeks?
Yeah, so I missed
a few days.
'Try 13.'
And you said that you'd
call home on Wednesday.
I will call home on Wednesday.
It's Friday.
The human calendar.
I'll just have
my people schedule it in
and then I'll
call her tomorrow.
Schedule it in?
Jesse, listen to yourself.
What has happened to you?
Well, in case,
you haven't noticed
my dream is
finally coming true.
I mean, look at this place.
Look how they treat me here.
I have banners and balloons
and fruit baskets.
Look at these
fruit baskets.
Becky, I've become a star.
Why are you trying
to ruin it for me?
That's it.
I don't even know
you anymore.
Have a great time
with your fruit basket.
And I will.
I love my fruit basket.
It's great.
I got oranges and...nectarines.
Pears.
Becky loves pears.
You're, uh,
talking to your fruit.
I'm done talking
to my fruit, Koji.
Uh, do you have
everything you need?
[scoffs]
Oh, yeah, Koji,
I got everything.
I got everything I need
everything but,
what's important to me.
Koji, I've been a real jerk.
I wouldn't say that.
Oh, c'mon, man.
I let this thing go to my head.
And the most important
thing in my life
I just let walk
right out that door.
Okay. You're a jerk.
- You're right.
- Big jerk.
You're right, Koji.
- Major jerk.
- Alright, I got the point.
I gotta get, I gotta get..
I gotta catch her.
I mean, she's probably halfway
to the airport.
What took you so long?
[dramatic music]
I'm sorry sweetheart.
I mean, this whole thing
went to my head.
If I don't have the respect
of my family
then I don't want
any of this, okay?
Forget about this whole tour.
Koji, please call
the limousine for me.
No, jess, don't, don't do that.
Don't throw it all away.
You've worked very hard
for your success.
You should
be proud of yourself.
I know that I am.
You just lost touch
with yourself
and the rest
of the planet.
Alright, well..
...goofy old Jess
is back.
Come here, goofy.
Hi, Koji.
Koji, why don't you take
the rest of the night off?
Oh, and, uh..
Thanks a lot, man.
So, what are we gonna do
about this year long tour?
[sighs]
Yeah, what are
we gonna do?
I asked you first.
Boy, Comet, it's taking
forever to get to Japan.
Why don't you dig
for a while?
Hey, shorty.
Wow.
We're getting closer.
I'm coming, Uncle Jesse.
Stay right there!
Hey, Comet,
take five.
Uncle Jesse,
you're home!
Whoa. Whoa.
I missed you.
You were gone
a really long time.
I was going to be gone
a really, really long time.
They wanted me
to stay a year.
I wouldn't like that.
Me, either.
So, Becky and I got together
and we asked ourself
a question.
Where is the best place
in the whole entire world
to raise Nicky and Alex?
- Right here.
- You are right.
And who is the all-time
greatest
munchkin cousin
they could ever have?
That'd be me.
You're correct, sir.
And who's the greatest ice-cream
eating partner of all time?
That's me again.
You're on a roll.
This is unbelievable.
Come on, let's go
hit that rocky road, huh?
Yeah.
[dramatic music]
I'm glad you're home,
Uncle Jesse.
Me too, pal.
Hey do you guys like
ice cream or what?
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪