[instrumental music]
Ah! Finished.
I love recycling.
Michelle, if you're
the one trying to earn
the Honeybee environmental badge
how come we're doing
all the work?
I don't know.
But keep working
while I think about it.
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, Michelle,
here are some pizza boxes
for your recycling project.
- Thank you, Joey.
- Where'd you get all those?
Under my bed.
Joey, you keep
pizza boxes under your bed?
Well, Becky, I gotta
put 'em somewhere.
My nightstand's
covered with doughnuts.
What's in your
sox drawer, nachos?
Hey, stay out
of my stuff, would you?
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Michelle, before D.J. left
on that ski trip
she told me about
your little recycling project.
So I went ahead and made
this for you in shop class.
It's called
the Steve-o-matic Can Crusher.
Steve, I didn't know
you were so mechanical.
Yeah, well, my shop teacher
says I got metal in my blood.
Okay fine, he said
it was in my skull.
But, uh, alright, anyway.
What you do is,
you take the can
you put it in here
you turn the wheel
and the metal plate
slowly crushes the can.
[whirring]
[whirring continues]
Don't worry, okay? Because
I've built in another option.
- Great.
- Pretty good, Steve.
- 'That's impressive.'
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
Uncle Jesse, how'd you
do on your English final?
See for yourself.
Oh, Jess, don't tell me you
failed. You won't graduate.
All that hard work
and studying and..
- You got an "A."
- Gotcha.
Don't do that to me! I hate
it when you do that to me.
Just don't hit
the hair. The hair.
Hey, congratulations, Jess.
You're a high school graduate.
Well, well,
not till Saturday night.
They're having a big
ceremony at the Civic Center
for all the high
school graduates.
And you know
what's really amazing?
Yeah, if you rub
Comet's belly
his foot shakes really fast.
What's really amazing is, I'm
giving the commencement speech.
- That's great.
- Oh, Jess, that's wonderful.
My teacher said
I was a good example
because, you know,
I was a guy who dropped out
and dropped back in
and made good and everything.
Wow, you're an inspiration.
Oh, no, Steve,
I'm not an inspiration.
Maybe a darn good
role model, though.
Now, it's gonna be so cool
there's gonna be thousands
of people there, right?
All my old teachers,
my old principal, the mayor.
All these people who knew me
before when I was a screw up
and they said I'd never make it.
Well, the mayor never said that
but if he knew me,
he would have said it.
- Wait till they see you now.
- Yeah.
And what are you gonna
say in your speech?
[clears throat]
I don't know,
probably something like, uh..
[clears throat]
"Good evening, fellow graduates
"and all those
who thought I was a loser.
Na na na!"
Well, it should be
easy to memorize.
You know, Jess, you ought to
give it some serious thought.
Because people are gonna
remember that speech
for the rest of
their lives...if it's any good.
Or if your fly's open.
[instrumental music]
So when you learn
how to learn, then..
...that there then is when
you're really learning
something about learn..
What am I saying? I'm nuts.
[babbling]
No. Uh-uh.
Yeah, I know how you guys feel.
You've been working
on that puzzle all week.
I've been working
on this speech all week.
You guys wanna switch?
Here, let me read this to you.
Come on, guys. Let me, uh,
let me read this thing.
And I'll, I'll bounce
it off you if you will.
You guys give me a little
feedback, okay? Here we go.
"Dear, fellow graduates.."
- Yay!
Thank you. Thank you. Please
hold your applause till the end.
[clears throat]
Okay.
"What I'm about to say
"may be the most
important thing
that you'll ever hear."
That's all I got.
What do you think?
[both blowing raspberry]
I know. It stinks.
Guys, what am I gonna do?
I gotta give this
big speech in a couple hours
in front of thousands of people
and you know what?
I got nothing.
That's it, son.
Yes, that's the last piece.
' Good. Get it in there.'
'Good boy. Alright! Yay!'
Look at this.
The cape, the suit.
Every kid's favorite superhero..
...Elvis.
- Elvis!
[chuckles]
Elvis!
Oh, you guys are so cool.
You really wanted
to learn something
and you didn't give up.
You just kept going
until you got it.
I'm proud of you, boys.
I'm proud of you.
Give daddy a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Muah. Muah.
Thank you, guys.
Hey, wait a minute.
You goobers just gave me
a great idea for my speech.
High-fives.
Give me a high-five.
Alright, high-five!
I'm here. Your rug rat wrangler.
Kimmy, I really appreciate this,
but fair warning, okay?
The boys are much more
active than the last time
you babysat for them.
Especially Nicky.
[chuckles]
Yesterday, he got into
Jesse's sock drawer.
It was so cute.
He mismatched every pair.
There were tube socks
with argyles.
Oh, that's a classic.
Can I get paid up front, please?
Just keep your eye
on 'em, okay?
Hey, whatever you want.
You're the baby owner.
Thanks. The boys are upstairs.
Oh, and, tell Jesse to hurry up
or he'll miss his graduation.
Okay, I'll tell him.
Hey, hair boy,
get your butt down here!
Hey, Becky,
I got a great new idea
for our "Wake up, San Francisco"
anniversary show.
Well, what about my idea
about interviewing the new
women senators from California
and discussing the changing
roles of women in Washington?
That's cute.
But how about some
guy stuff for a change?
You know, like me
sparring a few rounds
with George Foreman, you know?
That is, if old
George can handle
my famous
one-two combination.
Hoo ha! Hyah!
Danny, The Golden Girls could
handle your one-two combination.
Joey, we saved this last brownie
for you. Don't you want it?
No, thank you.
Are you sure?
The man said "no."
Actually, girls,
I'm saving my appetite.
You see, next to
the Civic Center
is the world's greatest
sandwich shop.
El Bloato's, home of
the sloppy two-footer. Ha ha.
Yep, sounds like good eatin'.
Hey, everybody,
I finished my speech.
Oh, great. Let's hear it.
No, no, no.
I will give no speech
before it's time.
I can't wait
to get up there, man.
The spotlight hits me,
and I look out and see
all those people who thought
I'd never make it, and I..
Get a picture.
Okay, everybody, let's roll.
Jesse and Rebecca,
you go with Joey
'and Steph and Michelle,
you ride with me.'
You're gonna love this trip.
I got a brand new tape,
I sent away for it
great TV show themes.
It has my favorite on it,
"Bonanza."
[hums "Bonanza"]
Danny, Danny, Danny,
please, please, please, please.
I hate that song.
When I was a kid, my dentist
used to always hum that
when he was drilling me.
Every time I hear it,
it kills my teeth.
I'm sorry. Guess I struck
a nerve. Ha ha ha!
Okay, let's roll.
Wait.
Why are we going in two cars?
Because we can't
all fit in one car.
We can all fit in the subway.
It's better for the planet.
Well, that's a good idea.
We'll take the muni.
And besides, it doesn't matter.
Let's take a car,
truck, pogo stick.
People, we got to go. I've a
very important speech to get to.
We're out of here.
[hums "Bonanza"]
[hums "Pomp and Circumstance"]
Alright, come on,
everybody. Find a seat.
Next stop, my graduation.
Daddy, you have
a funny mustache.
Michelle, you know
I don't have no mustache.
You do in that picture.
[laughing]
Oh, that's disgraceful.
Come on, Michelle,
let's go sit over here.
- Girls, wait a second--
- I'll go sit with them.
Thanks.
Excuse me. Can I get in here?
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
Littering is bad for the Earth.
And what are you,
the planet monitor?
No, but I would like to be.
Michelle, he's not
going to listen to a kid.
Joey, tell this guy
not to litter.
Yeah, tell him, Joey.
"Yeah, tell him, Joey."
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
You're Danny Tanner
from "Wake up, San Francisco."
How did you recognize him
without the mustache?
And you're Rebecca Donaldson.
I must say you're even
prettier in person.
Oh, thank you.
Actually, I meant Danny.
Oh, thank you.
Don't hate me
because I am beautiful.
[tapping]
Sorry.
I'm just pumped up, you know?
Get this, I'm graduating
high school tonight.
Yeah, can you imagine? Me?
And guess what? They asked
me to give the big speech.
I mean, when I was a kid
I ditched so much,
they retired my excuse note.
Thanks for sharing.
Are you nuts?
Steven Seagal could
beat up Van Damme any day.
I'm telling you, grandma.
Yeah, I'm watching
the little crumb gobblers.
'I got 'em finger painting.'
I don't see what the big
deal is with babysitting.
You give the sawed-off
baloney eaters a project
and then check in
on them every few days.
Aah!
Sorry, grandma.
[snoring]
Psst. Joey.
That guy's sleeping on you.
Gee, I didn't notice.
Don't worry. I'll handle this.
Wake up, big guy!
Top of the morning.
Hey, why are we slowing down?
There's no stop here.
Why are we stopping?
I'm gonna be late
for my graduation.
Joey, what's going on?
Ah, Jess, listen, don't panic.
I ride these trains
all the time.
The only way
we're gonna be stuck
is if we have some kind
of electrical problem.
[electricity crackling]
(male #1 on PA)
'Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your conductor.'
'It seems we've got some
kind of electrical problem.'
Why don't I...go
sit next to the big guy?
I might be a little safer there.
I can't believe it.
I've got 20 minutes to make it.
Jess, just relax.
This kinda stuff only
usually lasts a couple minutes.
(male #1 on PA)
'Folks, we're looking at a
fairly significant delay here.'
Of course, sometimes there's a
fairly significant delay here.
This is great. I'm gonna
miss my whole graduation.
Could this night be any worse?
'Hey, as long as you're
just sitting here.'
'I just got a new tape
you might all like.'
[instrumental "Bonanza"]
[instrumental music]
Oh, come on. Let's go!
Let's get this crate moving
or I'm gonna start to yell!
Jess, you already are yelling
and it's not gonna get us
to your graduation any sooner.
Neither is this train.
I'm going up front.
Honey, please don't
start any trouble.
Me? Trouble? Come on.
I'm just gonna go up there
and get some answers
in a nice calm orderly fashion.
Hey, hey, you with the conductor
hat drop that doughnut!
I hear something.
The train's starting.
No, Michelle, that's my stomach
growling. I'm starving.
Oh, my God, an El Bloato.
Oh...corned beef,
pastrami, and pimento loaf.
- Aah.
- A triple big meaty.
Ah.
Finally finished.
Hey, Siegfried, where's Roy?
I don't know.
[dog barking]
Hey, what's going on, Lassie?
Did Timmy fall
in the lake again?
[Kimmy screams]
Oh, come on, Beck.
What could be more fun
for our anniversary show..
...than me, you know,
boxing with George Foreman?
An interview with
two women senators
would be a much stronger piece.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help over hearing
because I was listening
pretty intently.
And I really like
Danny's boxing idea.
There you have it, Beck.
We should listen to
our fans more often.
You know, we forgot
how tuned in they are.
Sorry...I've got to
take this call.
Ben? Ben Franklin.
There you go. She tuned in
enough for you, Danny?
Ben, we're fine and you?
Oh.
Oh, you know,
if you'll excuse us
I think we're
gonna be moving along.
I believe some seats
just opened up in reality.
Oh, honey,
what did you find out?
It's a $27 fine to hitchhike
in a subway tunnel.
Eh, it's no use.
Graduation's starting right now.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Dad, isn't there
something we can do?
Yes, there is, honey.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
(Danny)
'I'm-I'm sorry to bother you'
but, uh, my brother-in-law here
just missed his high school
graduation ceremony
and he's feeling
really low and..
...we're all
on a subway together
so, you know,
it's even lower than low.
(Danny)
But, you know, sometimes in life
we get a chance
to lift the spirits
of a fellow human being and..
...this is one of those times.
What do you say,
right here, right now.
We all pitch in,
and...and throw this guy
the best darn
graduation ceremony
this town's ever seen, huh?
That's the spirit.
Danny, sit down.
Before I was depressed.
Now, I'm depressed
and embarrassed.
Oh, sweetheart..
...I know that
you're disappointed
because you're missing
your graduation
but...you're still gonna
get your diploma.
Oh, come on, honey,
don't you understand?
Right now they're
calling my name
to come up on that stage
and give that important speech
and you know what,
I'm not there.
And all my teachers
and my principals are saying
"Yeah, he messed up again.
That's the Katsopolis
we know, a bum."
Uncle Jesse,
I'm sorry you're sad.
Ah, that's okay, shorty.
I guess I'm just not
the graduating type, huh?
Dude, I hear you.
School's a waste.
That's why I dropped out.
Smartest move I ever made.
You got any spare change?
Oh, yeah, you're doing good.
Hey, it's better
than being in school
reading books
by a bunch of dead guys.
Some of those books
are cool, man.
You ever read Shakespeare?
I don't know. Who wrote it?
Go back to school
as fast as you can.
Run if you have to.
Hey..
...I didn't jump
the turnstile to listen to this.
You know what, man,
I know who you are
and I know where you're going.
You know where that is?
That's nowhere.
What am I supposed to do?
School is hard, dude.
"School is hard, dude."
Life is hard, man.
I mean...am I right,
is life hard?
- You better believe it.
- You listen to this man.
And nobody's gonna
do it for you, am I right?
(all)
Yeah.
Scoot over.
See, it's, uh, it's like I
was gonna say in my speech.
You know I had
this whole thing worked out
about once you start something,
you gotta stick to it.
My kids are so cool, man.
They been playing with
this Elvis puzzle all week.
They couldn't get it, they keep
trying, they keep trying
they keep trying and guess what?
Today they get it.
They get their last piece.
Elvis' left sideburn.
They were so proud
of themselves.
Don't you want to know
what that feels like?
Don't you wanna be
proud about something?
Guess that would be
nice for a change.
Listen, man, I know where you
come from. I was just like you.
Dropped out of school
rode my Harley,
gigged with a band.
I thought I was so cool.
But when I was alone
and I looked in that mirror..
...something was wrong.
I mean, sure, my hair looked
great and everything but..
...something was missing.
I didn't feel right inside.
You know what was missing?
My diploma.
The last piece of the puzzle.
The left sideburn, if you will.
Yeah, but I can't go back now.
I've been out for two weeks.
I was out for 11 years.
I went back.
Listen, if I can do it,
you can do it.
You think so?
What do you think
I've been talking..
People, can he go back?
Can he go?
(all)
Yeah.
Let's hear it.
(all)
Yeah!
See that?
Listen, you've got
a subway full of people
who really, really
care about you.
Now, come on.
You gonna go back?
Yes or no? Tell me.
(male #2)
'Don't give up, man.'
(female #1)
'Say yes. Come on.'
Alright. I'm gonna do it.
Alright!
You know something else
before long
you'll be wearing
that cap and gown
and marching down that aisle
just like I was
supposed to do tonight.
[instrumental
"Pomp and Circumstance"]
Well, they're playing
your song, Jess.
You ready to graduate?
Here?
Hey, here's as good
as anyplace else.
Ain't going anywhere.
Here, honey. Don't forget this.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to our
commencement ceremony.
This milestone comes
but once in a lifetime.
And it's my great honor
to present the graduates
in alphabetical order.
- Jesse Katsopolis.
- Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you. Thank you.
(Jesse)
'Thank you.'
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I don't have a diploma.
Uh, do you mind?
Uh, sure, go ahead.
I'm getting all misty.
Hey, look at that.
The Canucks traded their goalie.
Read it later.
Your diploma, Mr. Graduate.
Thank you.
Are you still sad you
missed your real graduation?
Nah, munchkin. That's alright.
I mean, you know,
graduating is...is not about
impressing a bunch of people
and getting a diploma.
It's about, uh,
it's about learning something
and sharing it
with the people you love.
And a subway full of strangers.
You know, maybe those 2,000
people didn't hear you
but, uh, I know another
young guy that sure did.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, either the train's moving
or Joey's stomach
is out of control.
[laughing]
Well, Jess, you're
a high school graduate.
What are you gonna do now?
I'm going to El Bloato's.
Alright!
[instrumental "Bonanza"]
["Bonanza" theme continues]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪