[instrumental music]
Okay, boys, eat up
all your oatmeal
and see those
lumps in there?
They got extra energy for your
first day at preschool.
[blows nose]
Jess, this is so hard.
Our boys are leaving us and..
...going out into
the cold cruel world.
I'll-I'll take care of her.
Uh, honey, it's not,
it's not that cruel out there.
Alright, look at this.
Look at this schedule, okay?
"Cartoons, snack.
"Finger-painting, snack.
"Naptime.
Snack."
That's my schedule.
And I'm late
for the "Flintstones."
Yabba dabba doo!
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ The light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(Becky)
'Oh, honey, look at this.'
Two little lunchboxes
with two little handles.
That they'll hold as they
walk out of our lives.
Jess, they're not
ready for preschool.
They're just little boys.
Oh, honey, they're-they're
not boys, they're men.
They're...Katsopolis men.
They're strong.
They're tough. They'll be..
Boys, show mommy your muscles.
Oh, I know preschool's
important for the boys but..
...I'm not ready to let go.
The point is, I'll take
the boys to school.
You go to work, and everything
will be fine, okay?
I'll be strong
for the both of us.
Okay, honey, you're a rock.
Alright.
Alright, Ren, Stimpy.
Here are your lunchboxes.
Let's go to school.
Here, go say
goodbye to mommy.
- Bye-bye, mommy.
- Aw.
See you later, alligator.
In a while, crocodile.
Alright, come on, boys.
You're gonna get tears all
over your new school clothes.
- Let's go. Bye.
- 'Bye. Have fun.'
Come on.
[blows nose]
Holy foghorn, Batman.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
I just miss Ren and Stimpy.
Oh, don't worry, Becky.
Joey has 'em all on tape.
Michelle, where's Steph?
She's gonna be late for school.
She's still putting on makeup.
Dad, when do I get
to wear makeup?
I'm in the third grade,
you know.
Sweetheart,
you don't need makeup.
You're naturally beautiful.
So, you're saying Steph
and Deej are bow-wows?
No, honey, they're not bow..
Wow!
- Steph, what are you wearing?
- Clothes.
Let me rephrase that.
What are you not wearing?
[buzzes]
Danny for 100,
what is a long-enough shirt?
Dad, please don't embarrass me.
Gia's gonna be here any minute.
Gia?
Honey, you know, I'm,
I'm startin' to wonder
if she's having too much
of an influence on you.
Dad, don't worry. She's not.
I am my own person.
Hey, Steph.
(Stephanie)
'Hey, Gia.'
Looks like you're
her person, too.
Hi, little Michelle.
Are you ready for your
first day of third grade?
Are you ready for your
third year of seventh grade?
[car honking]
That's my ride.
Whoa, Steph.
Hey, next time
you borrow my makeup
just use a day's worth.
- It's a long day.
- You know, D.J.'s right.
I think you oughta go upstairs
and chip some of that off.
Dad, that's not fair.
It's my face.
And I wanna see more of it.
And less of your belly button.
Fine. Come on, let's go.
Deej, let's go!
Time's a-wasting.
Senior year's waitin'.
Kimmy, we have plenty
of time, what's the rush?
What's the rush? I gotta get
a date for the senior prom.
Kimmy, prom's nine months away.
Nine? I thought it was ten.
Oh, this is getting grim.
Come on, let's move.
- 'Bye.'
- Bye.
What a waste, I only got to
look cool for like 12 seconds.
Just leave the mascara.
Eyes are the first
thing a guy notices.
Really?
Well, for now.
Ah, that's much better.
There's my little angel face.
I'm ruined.
Steph, I don't mean to be
a nag, but I-I kinda remember
telling you to clean
up your room yesterday.
Dad, I'll do it later.
Yeah, well, you said
that before and that
would make later now,
wouldn't it?
Sweetheart, you're gonna
have a much, much better day
at school knowing that
your room is neat and tidy.
I know I used to.
Bye.
It's your room.
Why does your dad
care if it's clean?
My dad cares
if your room is clean.
But you're right.
I like it like this.
I'll clean it when I want to.
Let's go.
Wait.
Perfect.
[indistinct shouting]
Alright, boys,
this is it, preschool.
Hi, the, uh,
Katsopolis men are here.
- Hi.
- That's Nicky on the right leg.
(Jesse)
Alex on the left leg.
They're, uh, they're
a little nervous.
Well, hi.
I'm Miss Suzie.
And you know what?
There is nothing
to be nervous about
because we're gonna
have a lot of fun today.
(Jesse)
'Uh, uh, Miss Suzie..'
...let me handle this.
I'm their father.
Alright, boys, now listen.
Now, I know we've been
together every single day
since you guys were born.
And I know it's gonna be very
tough for you guys to leave me.
But you gotta be strong, okay?
Now, you give your daddy
a big kiss goodbye.
Train!
Brother!
Boys!
Oh, oh, I get it.
That's right, that's right.
Katsopolis men,
they don't kiss goodbye.
That's right. Yeah, okay,
well, that's fine.
How about just-just maybe
just a little one on
the cheek or somethin'? Just a
tiny little kiss on the cheek?
No, okay. Good, that's fine.
That's, alright, you know..
I'm just, uh, just your father
I'm only the guy
who raised you, ignore me.
No, I think Nicky and Alex
are gonna do just fine.
Yeah, you know, I-I better just
stay here a while and watch.
I-I'll stay out
of everyone's way.
I'll be just fine.
I'll be fine, right here.
Mr. Katsopolis,
I understand that
it's hard for some parents
to let go of their
children the first time.
Yeah, yeah, I bet some parents
really get wacko about it, huh?
Is this clay non-toxic?
You know, this is the time
when our parents usually go.
Go? Oh, go!
I thought you meant
wee-wee go, I didn't..
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Okay, well, here, I'm going.
I'm going. I'm almost gone.
I'm gone.
- Bye.
- 'Bye-bye.'
Shh.
- Shh.
- Good boy.
- Stranger!
- Ow! Ow!
- Stranger!
- 'No, no.'
I'm not a stranger.
I'm a friend.
- I'm a friend.
- Mr. Katsopolis.
Miss Suzie.
I was, I was just leaving.
Uh, how did this table
get on my back?
Mr. Katsopolis, believe me
I have been doing this
a very long time.
I'm sure, you have.
Nicky and Alex
are doing just fine
and they really don't
need you here, right now.
They don't need me?
They don't need their dad?
(Jesse)
'Did you see that?'
That little ankle-biter
stole that puzzle
from my sweet little Alex.
You know, Alex really
doesn't seem to mind.
Oh, sure, on the outside he's
having fun playing and stuff.
But inside the kid's crying
like a, like a little baby.
Just think of the effect it must
be having on his little brother.
Choo-choo!
That was a cry for help.
Listen, I-I think
their mother was right.
I-I just don't think
they're ready.
Come on, boys.
It is time to say, bye-bye.
Bye-bye, daddy.
No, no.
Not to me, hah.
Now, listen, guys,
we're going over the wall.
Is school over, daddy?
Well, it is for you guys.
Come on. Hop on.
Hop on, that's good.
Here we go.
Say goodbye to Miss Suzie.
- Bye-bye, Miss Suzie.
- Bye.
- There we go.
Come on.
[instrumental music]
Oh, Jess. I am so sorry.
- Why? What'd you do?
- I flipped out this morning.
And I have been thinking
about it and you were right.
Nicky and Alex
are ready for preschool.
And I just have to accept that.
Honey, thank you
for being so strong.
Well, well, gosh
knows I was strong.
But, uh, you know, honey,
I-I-I think you were right.
Oh, no. What happened?
How was their first day?
Just like them. Short.
They got there, honey,
and, quite frankly
they, uh, they just
weren't ready.
Oh, Jess, I was afraid
that this would happen.
Yeah, well...hey, we gave
it a shot, you know.
But, listen, we'll try
in a couple years, okay?
Maybe when they're
little more mature
they're little more grown
their, their sideburns fill in.
A couple of years?
Honey, what are
we gonna do, they'll fall
way behind the other kids?
In what,
Play-Doh comprehension?
No, listen, honey, I got this
whole thing figured out, okay?
Joey and I we
do the radio show
but not until
late afternoon, okay?
I'm gonna teach the kids
everything they need to learn
right here in this house.
Jess, you are not
exactly Mr. Rogers.
What's to know? You teach
the kid a couple vowels.
And then you teach
him all the, uh..
All the other letters
that aren't vowels.
And then you put a puppet
on and-and that's it, it's fine.
Honey, don't you think
the kids should interact
with other kids
on their level?
That's where Joey comes in.
What a dump.
Didn't dad tell
you to clean up?
Yes, he did.
But he is just
gonna have to understand
that I'm old enough to keep
this room the way I want.
And you're gonna
have to understand
that you are not gonna
be able to watch TV
for the rest of your life.
Oh, little Michelle.
This might be just
a bit over your head.
When you're older,
you'll understand.
And when you're older,
you still won't.
Let me handle this.
All our lives we've
lived under dad's rules
and what do we
have to show for it?
A nice house.
Good food.
A buck a week.
Don't rock the boat.
Michelle?
Howdy, roomie.
That's a funny thing for someone
to say before they leave.
I'm not leaving.
Steph is a total slob.
So, I decided
to move in with you.
The good sister.
Oh, Stephanie's not bad.
She's just becoming a teenager.
It's a rough time.
I went through it.
'You're gonna go through it.'
And take it from
a voice of experience.
The best place
to go through it..
...is in your own room.
How about I go
through it in your room?
Michelle, I love you
so I'm not gonna
kick you out.
Dad!
Does dad have to get
involved in this?
Michelle, you're not
moving in here.
- Yes, I am.
- No, you are not.
- Yes, I am.
- You have to go back in there.
Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, whoever was wrong last
time, you're right, this time.
Let's have dinner.
You're always
taking her side.
Dad, Michelle thinks that
just because Stephanie
has turned into
a little Miss Pigpen
she can move in with me.
Her room is still dirty?
I distinctly told
her to clean it up.
Well, maybe you need
to tell her more distinct-er.
Dad, just go in there
and yell at her.
Lay down the law.
That always worked with me.
You know, Deej,
over the years
I have come
a long way as a dad.
I have learned, that there are
many other techniques
besides yelling.
Sometimes, a subtle
psychology can go a long way.
Let's watch.
What's "subtle psychology?"
(Danny)
'Look at this room!
You call this clean?'
Not that.
Look, at this mess.
Looks like your closet threw up!
- But, dad--
- No, but, dads.
If this room is not
up to Tanner standards
you're gonna be
grounded for two weeks.
Bigfoot will be seen around
this neighborhood more than you.
Have I made myself clear?
- Loud and clear.
- Alright.
And, D.J., I don't want
you to see Kimmy anymore.
- What?
- Sorry, I was on a roll.
Thought I'd give it a shot.
Dad, what happened
to "subtle psychology?"
No, see that, that
was subtle psychology.
You don't want to
see me when I get mad.
Man, he sounded
just like my mom.
Last night she made me
do the dishes.
It's not like we were
out of clean ones.
- Yeah, well, I better get busy.
- Yeah.
Well, you know, I think,
it's pretty cool you got away
with it as long as you did.
- I guess.
- Well, see you later.
Yeah, see ya.
This room is not
that gross.
Ugh.
Maybe it is.
Alright, kids.
The Katsopolis Institute
of Lower Learning
is now in session.
(Jess)
'Now, what better
place to start'
than the beginning, right?
Here we go, guys.
What letter is...this?
(together)
A.
Yes. Good boys.
See, my boys don't
need preschool.
'Okay, very good, very good.'
Now, let's talk about some words
that start with
the letter A. Shall we?
Alright, there we go.
What's that? A is for?
Rock.
Uh, no, but well,
heck of a try.
Uh, Alex, A is for?
Balloon.
Uh, no, no.
Good try, though, son.
Good try.
Help 'em out!
I gotta go with
Nicky on the rock.
It starts with an A.
Okay, a rock.
And you are a idiot.
Now, come on.
You're supposed
to help me here.
Sit down!
Alright, uh, uh..
We're done with the alphabet.
Now we're gonna move on to..
...counting!
I can help you out there, Jess.
Okay, boys.
Let's count candy.
Alright. Okay, ready?
One, two, three, four.
Okay, now you guys count.
I like counting.
Let's count cookies.
No, no. We're not gonna
count cookies, here.
We're here to learn.
(together)
We want cookies!
(together)
We want cookies!
(together)
We want cookies!
I'm losing control here.
Here, here. Here we go.
Look, at this, guys, look.
Hi. Look at him,
look at him. Hi, guys.
I'm a hot-daddy,
uh, puppet-monkey boy..
...and I'm here to tell you that
we're gonna do something
that's much fun
you won't even think
of cookies, you know what it is?
(together)
Jump on the bed.
No, no. No, boys, no. No.
Hot-daddy monkey-puppet boy says
"Don't jump on the bed." Don't..
[chuckling]
What am I gonna do?
Ooh! Ooh!
(Joey)
'Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!'
Joey.
You know, what my best
subject was in preschool?
Mm-mm.
Naptime.
You know, you actually
may have something here.
A nap is a good idea.
You know, it's good
w-w-we'll set 'em down.
We'll calm 'em
down, then regroup
and then we'll start
teaching 'em again after that.
- Good, thinking, Lincoln.
- Very good.
Alright, naptime, boys.
No nap! No nap!
- No nap! No nap!
Hey, hey, hey.
Yes, nap. Yes, nap.
- Yes, nap. Come on.
- Come on.
Now, you watch your Uncle Joey
and I take a nap, okay?
- Now, watch how fun this'll be.
- Come here. Come here.
Now, listen, very good.
Lay down. Relax.
Now close your eyes.
Close your eyes. Good boys.
Now, think of something
really happy, okay?
(Jess)
'Close your eyes. Relax.'
Just think of nice thoughts.
[Joey snoring]
Good job, brother.
Thank you, brother.
Hey, guys.
- What are you doin'?
- Shh!
We're playing a trick.
Hey, uh..
...can your old mom play?
(Jesse and Joey)
Ow!
- Hi, guys.
- Oh.
Beck, you're home.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
How's school goin'?
Terrific. Good.
Really good.
We were just, uh,
we were just doing a little, uh
little art appreciation.
Well, look down, I think,
you'll appreciate it.
Beck, it-it-it's
not how it looks.
Oh, so the boys weren't
painting your feet
while you two fine
educators were out cold?
Alright, it is how
it looks, isn't it?
See, if they paint
up to the ankle line.
Right.
I can save
big bucks on socks.
Out!
Class dismissed.
Ah, Beck, this whole
thing was a disaster.
I'm not qualified
to teach preschool.
Joey's barely
qualified to attend.
Aw, honey, it's too bad
the boys didn't like preschool.
- Well..
- We liked preschool.
Really?
Miss Suzie is nice.
Jess, uh, it sounds to me
like they like preschool.
Well, sure, yes.
They, they, say so now.
But you should've seen
their little faces
in the, in the corner
of that classroom, all..
Were they crying?
Well, they weren't crying
in a, in a waterworks
way crying.
I mean, it was more of a, it was
more of a dry cry, really.
Were, were they angry?
Well, no, they weren't angry.
Per se.
What were they, uh, per se?
Well, per se they were, uh..
They were laughing
and playing.
Sounds like you got 'em
out of there just in time.
You weren't the
only one to lose it.
I lost it, too. I mean,
I was fine at breakfast.
You know, we were
grooving in the car.
Beach Boys were on,
the kids were shaking the hair
and then all of a sudden
I get to the classroom
I asked for a kiss,
I pucker up..
Boom. They stiff me,
I'm left mid-pucker.
Aw, honey, they didn't
even kiss you goodbye?
No.
It was like they
didn't even need me.
All that time we spent
rocking them to sleep and..
...feeding 'em
and wiping their little faces
and their little noses
and all those other..
...wipeable areas.
It's like none of that
mattered, you know?
I mean, I just
wanted to hold on
just wanted to hold
on for one more second
and they...they didn't
even turn around.
You know, Jess, maybe it's good
that they didn't look back.
I mean, maybe it means that
we've given them the confidence
to go out and face
the world without us.
The world?
Beck, up until this
preschool thing
we were their world.
Honey, if we're
acting like this now
what are we gonna be like
when, you know, they get
their license
or they go to college
get married and
have their own kids?
You're right, honey.
You know, suddenly
this preschool thing
doesn't sound so bad.
I know it's hard to let go
but we gotta do it sometime.
- Might, as well be know.
- Hmm.
I'd hate to walk
into college with..
...two freshmen
clinging to my legs.
Nicky, Alex!
Tomorrow you guys are
goin' back to preschool.
- Yay!
That's right, but first
we want our kisses.
So get over here, pucker up
and give us a kiss goodbye.
(Jesse)
'Come here.'
Well, Jess, this is it.
The moment of truth.
Can you let go?
I can let go.
Jess, let go.
Oh. Right. Yeah.
Bye-bye, boys.
(Nicky and Alex)
Bye-bye.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
[theme music]
[music continues]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪