[instrumental music]
Okay, boys,
put down the crayons.
I got to show you
a great trick.
Okay.
Oh, Comet.
[imitating bird]
Oh, where's the birdie?
Where is it?
Go get it.
[Comet barking]
Go get it, Comet!
Go get the birdie!
[laughing]
I got him again!
[laughing]
You tricked Comet!
Yeah, but I could never
pull a trick
like that on you guys.
No. We're too smart!
Oh! Hey, look!
[growling]
Oh, my gosh!
An invisible monster!
- Aah!
Come on, boys,
I was kidding!
It was just a joke.
Don't tell on me.
- Gotcha!
I'm gonna get you guys.
[laughing]
♪ Aah aah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby doo baa ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
I just, I can't believe it.
I'm telling you.
- They're fake!
- Oh, my gosh!
Uh, Michelle, do you think
you could read
that downstairs?
Gia and I wanna talk.
Nope.
[sighs]
Why not?
I want to listen.
Michelle?
Fine, I'll listen
out in the hallway
like I always do.
Guess what, Steph?
Bobby San likes you.
I knew it!
He was chucking peas
at me at lunch.
You know,
one of those little onions
it hit me right
in the back of the neck.
I told you.
Wow! An eighth grader!
And he is so fine!
So listen,
I'm having a few people
over this Friday night.
My mom's working late
at the diner..
...we have the house
all to ourselves.
So this can be
a real hot party.
You know what I mean?
Jalapeno dip?
[laughs]
Steph, you kill me!
[both giggling]
Anyway, I was...thinking
of inviting Bobby for you.
Would that be okay?
That would be extremely okay.
[groaning]
Oh, hey, dad!
How you feeling?
[groaning]
My dad lost his voice.
I guess, when you use
something too much
it just shuts down.
Kidding, dad.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Uh, dad.
...Gia's having a party
Friday night. Can I go?
"Adult supervision?"
Um..
Mr. Tanner,
my mom would never let me
have a party without
adult supervision.
Which is why
I didn't tell her.
♪ Rush Hour Renegades ♪
♪ Comin' at ya ♪♪
Alright, that's right,
We are the Rush Hour Renegades.
I'm Jesse.
I'm Joey.
Joey, how many times
have I told you
finish your
chocolate boing boing
before you talk
on the radio.
Oh, our guest is here,
our guest is here.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Barry Williams.
Barry Williams!
Have a seat, Barry.
- Barry, how you doing?
- Beautiful!
- Yeah, that's great!
- There you go.
You guys remember, uh,
Barry as Greg
from the "Dynamite Show,"
"The Brady Bunch."
We are huge fans and we gotta
get right down.
We got to ask you
some great Brady questions,
if we may.
Well, guys, you know,
those were great years
but, I'd really rather
talk about my new project.
Kind of exciting, you know,
the whole thing seems--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Barry, we'll get to that.
But listen,
here's the deal, alright?
Dad worked, right?
Alice cleaned the house.
What the heck did mom do, huh?
Tell me, tell me, yeah.
Hey, six kids,
one bathroom.
Any fist fights?
- Well, It's not like--
- Talk to me about this.
What's the deal
with those
lad and dad perms
you guys did?
- I had one.
- I got a perm.
- My dad had one, just like it.
- Guys, guys, guys.
[whistles]
- The whistle!
- Alice used to do that.
- Alice did that.
- I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what, I'll answer
all your Brady questions.
But first, I wanna talk about
the new band I put together.
Oh, uh, putting the old Brady
kids back together
huh, there,
with the polyester jumpsuits?
Yeah, looks like,
we better gas up
the old eight-track machine.
No, actually, I met
some local musicians.
We started jamming
and one thing led to another
and we put out a new CD.
In fact..
...I was hoping
you guys would play it.
Are you kidding me?
Barry, It'd be an honor! Yeah!
Alright, ladies and gentlemen
we're gonna-we're gonna
hear the latest right now
from Barry and..
...The Rippers.
Well, now, isn't that
a winkydink of a coincidence?
Jesse was dumped by a band
called The Rippers.
Oh, I'm sure it was
a different band.
These guys got rid
of their singer because he
spent more time
moussing his hair
than playing his guitar!
[both laughing]
[mumbling]
You try keeping this cowlick
down with just gel.
It doesn't work, man!
Jesse, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't know it was you.
Look, if you don't want
to play the song..
- 'No, no, no.'
- I understand completely.
Barry, Barry, please, no.
I'm above this.
No-No, that's fine. Let's, uh,
let's give this song a shot.
That-That's fine.
Ladies and gentlemen, uh..
...here we go,
here's the latest
from Barry and...The Rippers.
[music from CD]
♪ A hundred Januarys gone ♪
♪ And I'm still in my shell ♪
♪ I could have made
a string of pearls.. ♪
I'd say, it's, uh,
it's not bad, it's not bad.
But, listen,
Barry, buddy..
...former Brady.
'Listen, I've been in the music
business for a long time, okay?'
Nothing happens
overnight, okay?
♪ 'Cause I've seen ♪
♪ The cabin fever setting in ♪
♪ And all the April girls ♪
♪ Well they never look at me ♪
♪ No they never look at me ♪
♪ But I love them anyway ♪
♪ The empty pantry in my head ♪
♪ Is about to overflow.. ♪♪
Oh, Uncle Jesse!
I'll-I'll just change
the station.
Oh, no, no, no, Deej.
No, fine, really.
- You don't have to.
- No, I-I want to.
They-they've been playing
this song all day.
♪ April girls.. ♪
What are the odds?
♪ I turn the dancing on ♪♪
Pretty darn good.
[speaking in foreign language]
That's better.
(man on radio)
'Barry y los Rippers'
[music from radio]
You know, we never
talk anymore.
How was your day?
Listen, I know you guys
are trying to be sensitive
but I'm totally
cool with this, okay?
But I liked
The Rippers better
when Uncle Jesse
was in the band.
Aw, that's sweet, munchkin.
Before they had a hit song
and everybody loved them
and they opened
for The Stones and they--
Wa-wa-wa, what?
they're opening for The Stones?
Only in the West Coast.
Uh, Michelle, I think
that's all the cheering up
Uncle Jesse
can stand right now.
- Gotcha.
- Mm-hmm.
Come on, let's go.
Thanks, guys,
but, listen.
You know, this is no big deal.
I mean, who needs a hit record?
In fact,
who needs music?
- You're gonna giving up music?
- Absolutely.
In fact, I may never play
another note as long as I live.
No, no, no,
my life is full and rich.
And now it's time
to start concentrating
on the important things
in life.
So this decision
to give up music
has nothing to do
with all the hoopla
over Barry And The Rippers?
Hoopla? What hoopla?
Barry is God!
Can you believe
they're opening for The Stones?
Yes, but only on The West Coast.
Come on, boys, let's go live
our full, rich life
somewhere else where we don't
have to hear that song.
(both)
♪ April girls ♪
♪ April girls ♪♪
Hey, how you feeling, dad?
Oh, he says
his throat feels better
but he still has no voice.
How did you know
the string bean said that?
Well, after working with him
all these years
on "Wake Up San Francisco"
we've developed
our own language.
I can practically tell
what he's thinking.
Well, I bet you can't wait
to get back to work, huh, dad?
Well, he says, "Rebecca is doing
such a great job without me.
"I don't care
if I ever get back.
"Huh, move over, Oprah.
Two thumbs up
for Rebecca."
Steph, dinner will
be ready in ten minutes.
Oh, thanks,
but I-I'm just gonna
have something at the party.
Uh, Deej, do you think
you could give me a ride?
Yeah, sure!
Dad?
Got it, dad.
I'll drive as fast as I can
and pick up
really cute hitch-hikers.
It's fun,
isn't it?
[instrumental music]
[doorbell ringing]
Great, Stephanie's here.
- Hey.
- Hi!
Brought Pictionary.
Funny.
Steph, Bobby.
Bobby, Steph.
Have fun!
Gia?
You want to sit?
Um..
...yeah, I-I guess.
Bobby, could you, like,
scoot over a little?
Sure.
Bobby, I just met you
two seconds ago.
But I've seen you
at school.
Didn't you feel that onion
I threw at you?
Well, sure, I did.
And don't think
I wasn't flattered.
But..
...shouldn't we, like,
talk or something first?
Shh!
Steph, this is not
a talking party.
If we don't start making out
everyone's gonna
think we're dorks.
Wait, wait, wait.
Come on, Steph,
don't you like me?
Bobby, I do like you,
but..
Then what's the problem?
I don't know.
Then why don't we kiss
while you figure it out?
Okay.
H-how long are we
supposed to do this?
Until everyone else stops!
One second.
Steph, what is wrong
with you?
Haven't you ever been
to a make-out party before?
Sure, I have!
Well, not an official
make-out party.
I'll take that as a no.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know
it was going to be
this kind of party.
Uh, it's just, I don't want
to make out with Bobby.
It...feels really awkward.
I'm really sorry, Steph.
Why don't I just call D.J.
and have her pick me up?
- Okay.
- Where's the phone?
Under Jason and Heidi.
Don't mind me.
[telephone ringing]
Deej, Deej, your phone!
[telephone ringing
[sighs]
Hello?
Deej, you've got
to come pick me up.
Gia's party turned into
this giant make-out session.
Oh?
Just come and get me.
And whatever you do
don't tell dad.
I kinda let him think
that Gia's mom
was gonna be here.
'Bye.'
♪ April girls ♪
♪ Well they never look at me.. ♪
Oh, no! Not again.
(man on TV)
'Yes, Jesse, again.'
That's Barry And The Rippers
with "April Girls".
The song that's been
sweeping the country
'for the last two months.'
Two months?
Welcome to "Down Beat."
Tragic tales
of the music business.
Today, the story
of Jesse Katsopolis..
...The Lost Ripper.
I'm not lost,
I'm right here, pal!
We talked with Jesse's
friends and family
to find out more about
this truly pathetic figure.
Okay, alright.
So I married a failure.
I can deal with it.
But it's been really hard
on the boys.
They're so ashamed.
I don't know
where the reject is today
and frankly,
I don't care.
All that's left of him
is an Elvis doughnut-maker
and a mousse slick
on the couch.
I never really believed
he was my uncle.
I just thought
he was this guy
who moved in
and used our combs!
The day he left, he took
all the hairdryers.
But it's a small price to pay
to have him out of our lives.
Happy blowing,
grease ball!
He always called me
munchkin.
I used to think
it was cute.
But then I found out
what it meant.
A short, funny looking person.
What a jerk!
I was Jesse's partner
on the radio
and his best friend.
Now, I'm dating his wife.
Boing boing, honey?
You bet, honey.
Last week,
in a "Down Beat" exclusive
'our tragicam
finally caught up'
'with Jesse Katsopolis.'
What do you people
want from me?
(male #1)
'Since you gave up
your music'
'you lost everything
you cared about.'
I don't need music.
My life is good now!
I mean, uh..
...sure, I've put on
a few pounds
and, uh...I've
developed this..
...nasty scalp infection.
But I'm getting it together,
alright?
I have a brand-new
beautiful fiancée.
Yes, indeed, I'm back
on top again, alright?
I'm the king of my castle!
'Where is that slob?'
Hey, baldy!
Gibbler!
You promised
to massage my feet!
I-I-I remember, sweet.
Uh, well,
you are my queen
so, up on
your throne.'
There you are again.
Get to work, you load!
My corns are ready to pop.
I know what
you're thinking out there.
But you can't have her.
She's all mine.
Whoa! Look at that one.
That one's really ripe.
Oh, yeah.
My, it is ripe!
My life is good.
My..
Come on, Joey,
it'll be better in here.
How could you guys do this
right in front of me?
Joey got cream filling
in his eye.
Yeah, those boing boings
are really packed
under pressure,
you grab one and..
...you know, right into there.
So there's nothing going on
between the two of you?
Joey's just an idiot?
Is there a third choice?
I got to go change my eye.
Sweetheart, are you okay?
Oh, honey,
I had this horrific dream.
You know, I-I really do realize
I need music in my life!
I mean, next to you
and the boys
it's the most
important thing to me.
Well, I'd say you had
a very successful nap.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
something else.
I'm gonna stop obsessing
over this Rippers thing.
Otherwise, I'm gonna end up
a fat, pathetic has-been
with a scalp infection.
By the way,
how is my hair?
Perfect, as usual.
Aw, honey, relax.
The dream is over.
I know.
I know, honey.
Hey, you guys got
any corn plasters?
[screaming]
[instrumental music]
[doorbell ringing]
I'll get that.
Wouldn't want anyone
to lose their place.
- Deej, is that you?
- 'Open the door, Steph.'
Oh, Deej, I'm so glad
you're here.
Dad!
It's somebody's dad!
Dad.
I know you're angry.
Or this may be
a personal best for me.
- Mr. Tanner, hi.
- Hi.
Gia?
Mom? Hi!
How nice, huh?
My shift ended early
so, you, uh, threw me
a little party!
This place is crawling
with parents.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
Hey, hey, hey!
Nice try!
Do you have any idea
what your daughter's been up to?
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you sound?
Yes. I have laryngitis.
He belongs to you,
right?
- He's my dad.
- Mm-hmm.
That's right!
You two haven't met.
Mr. Tanner, this is Claire..
...my beautiful,
forgiving mother.
I don't want
to hear it, Gia.
I'll just go
to my room.
Steph, why don't you
just go to Gia's room?
I don't know if you realize
what's been going on here.
- Where are you going?
- I'm listening.
Keep squeaking.
Funny, I walk in here
there's hugging,
there's kissing
there's feet upon
the furniture.
There's, you don't even--
[grunting]
Oh, that's horrible!
What is that?
I don't know where's it been.
I don't know what's in it.
I don't know if I can
operate heavy machinery now.
I don't know why
my voice is back.
What's in there?
Family secret.
So well, where were we?
Oh, yes, you were attacking
the way I raise my daughter.
No, I mean, how could you
not know that your daughter
was having a make-out party?
Well, kind of like the way
you didn't know
your daughter was going
to a make-out party.
kinda like that.
It's not my fault.
She lied to me!
Welcome to the club!
Oh, so there's a club now?
What is it,
"Parents Of Future Felons?"
Yeah, we have
a secret handshake.
Look, I'm sorry.
I think, maybe it was easier
for me to get mad at you
than get mad at myself.
Well, we, you know,
could
just both be mad
at our kids.
That's a good idea.
You know, the truth is that, uh
Gia's had a really hard time
ever since her dad
and I split up.
You know, but lately,
she was turning around.
God, she quit smoking,
her grades got better.
Steph was having
such a good influence on her.
- Steph's a good kid.
- Gia is, too.
Well...I suppose
I should go in there
and talk to her.
Mm-hmm...well, just remember
when-when children seem
the least lovable
it means they need
love the most.
Do you always talk
like a fortune cookie?
Actually, it-it was
the thought for the day
on my Ziggy
desk calendar.
Well, when you go in,
would you send out
my little co-defendant, please?
Yeah, sure.
You know, by the way,
your, uh
real voice is kind of nice.
Thanks.
I'm a..
...I'm a single parent, too,
you know.
Hm?
I'll remember that.
[sighs]
Dad?
Listen.
I'm really sorry.
I messed up
big time.
Well, let's see,
you lied shamelessly
you went to a make-out party
you got in way over your head.
Yeah, I-I'd say, "messed up big
time" about covers it.
- I know.
- But on the upside--
- There's an upside?
- A small one.
You, uh...you did
the right thing.
I did?
Yeah. Calling home
showed good judgment.
You got yourself
in an uncomfortable situation
but you took control of it.
So does good judgment
cancel out shameless lying?
Steph, let me
put it this way.
Before it can soar
like an eagle
the young baby bird
must first stumble and fall
and spend two whole weeks
grounded in the nest
with no TV.
Hey, is that from
your Ziggy calendar?
[laughs]
No, but I'm-I'm thinking
of submitting it.
Come on, sweetie.
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪