[theme music]
(together)
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up!
Guys...give me a break.
Why can't you wake up
Stephanie today?
Stephy wakes up grumpy.
Ah, so that's the trick.
You guys stay right here.
Steph, Steph, you gotta
teach me how to wake up grumpy.
Back off or you're toast.
Thanks for the lesson.
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, Steph.
What are you working on?
My geography project.
America, the beautiful.
You know, Steph,
I'm from right here
'which would be Nebraska.'
It's never been known
as the mountain state.
No problem.
Okay, Nebraska, the giant
handprint state.
- Hey.
- Hey, how you doing?
- Hey, dad.
- Pretty good.
Can you believe an Autumn day
can hit 90 degrees?
Doesn't bother me any.
I'm calm, cool
and collected.
[sighs]
Well, actually,
I'm a lot better off than those
sweltering
construction workers outside.
Man, they're all hot and sweaty,
their shirts are off.
Looks like an episode
of Baywatch out there.
Poor guys.
We should really
keep an eye on them.
Boy, is it hot today.
Nothing's gonna taste better
than a nice pitcher
of...lettuce..
...where that lemonade
used to be.
Hey.
I've gotta make
more lemonade.
Those construction workers
are good customers.
Not bad bods either.
- Michelle.
- That's what Aunt Becky said.
She didn't say anything
about their hair, did she?
They were all
wearing helmets.
Thank God.
Michelle, you know,
when I was your age
I had my own
little sidewalk stand.
I sold, uh, wet naps outside
of Ribs Ribs Ribs.
- Ha!
- I did.
Took all the money I made
and I opened up
my own little shaver
savings account.
Haven't touched it since.
Yeah, I figured
you'd squirrel it away.
When I was a kid, I made
10 bucks fixing a bike.
When I bought
an Elvis lunchbox.
Even had a blue
suede thermos.
You see, that's the difference
between you and me, Jess.
You went out
and you bought yourself
a cheap little souvenir, right?
I, on the other hand,
quadrupled my money.
I am now up to $76.14.
Well, little shaver
according to the latest,
uh, collector's catalog
my lunchbox is worth about..
What did it say?
Um, oh, yeah! Two grand.
Is that more than $76.14?
Yeah. About Two grand more.
Yeah, but did I mentioned
that when I opened the account
they gave me a free retractable
ballpoint pen.
Really? Why are you
still working?
Come up with anything yet?
Jess, I got a great idea
for our new radio giveaway.
Oh, no, you're not gonna do
"Try to guess what pastry
I'm eating" again, are you?
No, no, this is 100 times better
and less fattening.
TV theme songs.
Some lucky listener
can be a winner
if you know the words
to, say, uh, Three's company.
Oh, come on, that's so easy,
everybody knows the words to
Three's company, people have
already heard a million times.
Okay, give it a try,
big shot.
- Fine.
- Okay.
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been waitin'
for you ♪
♪ This thing and a deal
and a thing ♪
♪ And the guy
falls off the bike ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪♪
Well, I'd have to say
you nailed that.
- Piece of cake.
- Oh, yeah.
Alright, Charles in charge.
Go for it.
No. Sing Three's company.
Come on, boys I don't want to
sing Three's Company again.
We like that song.
Well, that's no..
If you hear something too much
it-it becomes annoying.
- Please, please, please.
Like that. That's what
I'm talking about.
Okay, I'll do it one more time.
You guys gotta sing it
with me, okay?
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ Come and kn-knock our door ♪
♪ We've been waiting
for you ♪
♪ We've been waiting
for you ♪
♪ With the thing and the thing
and the thing ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪♪
[laughing]
Hey, Steph, you have
my white blouse.
I need it for my
senior picture tomorrow.
Deej, I would never take
anything without asking.
What's this?
Uh, can I borrow
your white blouse?
Boy, you've really screwed up
this map.
Look, you got Florida
way down south
sticking out in the ocean.
Why do I get the feeling
there's a name tag
and a paper hat in your future?
Man, I am beat.
So, how'd your little
lemonade business go?
Not bad. I made $221.
$221?
That's unbelievable.
Give your favorite
sister a hug.
Give your favorite neighbor
a hundred.
I didn't get rich
by being stupid.
Michelle, how did you make
that much?
Hot men, cold lemonade,
no change.
Jess, I got another one
for the radio contest
but I can't remember
the words.
How does the theme
for Batman go?
You mean Batman?
Da da da da da Batman.
Yeah, that's it.
So which words couldn't you
remember?
Uh...Batman or da?
[doorbell dings]
I'll get it!
I got it.
I, uh, got a delivery
for a Danny Tanner.
Oh, cool. I-I, I'm Danny Tanner,
and I'm expecting a delivery.
Funny how things work out.
Oh, uh, here you go.
Thanks.
Guys, you are
gonna love this.
This is a piece of history,
real Americana.
I was going through some old
family photos, right?
And I found a picture of my
great-great-grandfather
General Cornwall Tanner. Okay?
I had it blown up
and completely restored.
Look at this.
You should have
just hand it blown up.
[indistinct]
Just so happens he was a great
Civil War hero
and this should be put
in a place of honor.
How about under the mantel?
The fireplace
is under the mantel.
I'll get the matches.
[indistinct]
He'll get the matches.
Can somebody take me
to the candy store?
I want to spend
my lemonade money.
Not now, Michelle.
We're working.
Sweetheart, maybe somebody
can take you later.
I gotta find a place
for this.
Whoa! Who's the geek
in the hat?
Sweetheart, this dashing
gentleman happens to be
your
great-great-great-grandfather.
Great.
So, who wants to go
on a candy run?
Sweetheart, you work hard
for that money.
You sure you want
to just waste it
on sugar-coated,
teeth-rotting empty calories?
Totally.
I strongly suggest
that you save it.
Oh, Danny, the kid earned it.
Let her go have some fun.
Michelle, I have
a third suggestion.
Invest it. Buy some art
and stick it in that frame.
[laughs]
I happen to think
he's handsome.
- Hey, Mr. T.
- Hey.
Did you get a picture of the
front end of the horse, too?
This happens to be
one of my relatives.
If you'd like to see
one of your relatives
why don't you go rent
Gorillas in the mist.
Kimmy, can you take me
to the candy store?
Sure, squirt.
I'm going there anyways.
My mom's making her famous
milk dud cacciatore.
Dad, can Kimmy take me
to the candy store?
Yeah, I suppose so.
Way to go, munchkin.
Live a little.
- I'm gonna live a lot.
- 'Alright.'
[instrumental music]
Beck, I want the boys
to be happy, too
but I-I think too much of a good
thing can be unhealthy.
True but not enough of a good
thing could leave them
with a lifetime sense of
deprivation and loss.
[sighs]
Well, if it's gonna scar
them for life.
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you.. ♪♪
Hey, Jess, is Michelle back
from the candy store yet?
Hmm, I haven't seen her.
She went to the candy store?
She didn't happen to have
a shoe box with her, did she?
Yeah, I told her to take her
lemonade money
and, uh, live a little.
She must be living large.
She made over $200.
Selling lemonade?
And she took it all with her?
Danny, come on, relax. How much
candy could she possibly buy?
The most money I ever spent
at a candy store
was, like, 185.
Hey, everybody, you'll never
guess what I bought.
[groans]
So, what do you think?
Please tell me
that's a pinata.
[instrumental music]
Michelle, you bought a donkey?
He's cute.
He's got big hairy ears
just like Uncle Gus.
Nicky, look
at his pretty eyes.
Yeah. Yeah and his four legs
and his 300 pound body.
I want him out
of my kitchen.
My floor
is not donkey-guarded.
Can the donkey sleep
in our room?
Nicky, his name is Shorty.
That's short for...shorty
and he's sleeping
in my room.
He's not sleeping
in anybody's room.
This house is not zoned
for livestock.
Jess, this is all
your fault.
"Hey, got to go out
and live a little."
A, I don't talk like that.
Two, I thought she was
going to the candy store.
Unless that donkey has
a creamy chocolate center
you can't blame me
for this.
Well, we were on our way
to the candy store
when we passed
this petting zoo.
Oh, apparently, you didn't
pass it completely.
Kimmy, how could you
let this happen?
Hey, I told her to go
for the two ostriches.
Well, I liked Shorty
and the man asked me
how much money I had.
I told him I had $221
and guess how much he cost.
Let me give him the benefit
of the doubt, 220?
Nope. 221.
Michelle, look, I'm sorry
you got ripped off
but he cannot stay
here in this house.
He sheds, he stinks,
he's dirty.
You let Kimmy in here.
I don't shed.
I'm not arguing
about this. Alright?
He's got to go back petting zoo.
Uh, Mr. T, you might have
a problem there.
You see, it was kind of
a traveling petting zoo.
They were packing up
to go to Seattle.
Yeah, and the man said,
"You pet it, you bought it."
Oh, this is great.
Alright. I guess he has to
stay here the night.
Michelle, I want you to
put him in the backyard, okay?
And we'll figure out what to do
with him in the morning.
Shorty, be on your
best behavior tonight.
And maybe dad will
let us keep you.
You realize while he's here
you're gonna
have to clean up after him.
No problem.
I clean up after my hamster.
I think Shorty's
gonna be
a bigger responsibility.
[instrumental music]
[donkey braying]
Wake up, Stephanie.
You're snoring.
It's not me. I thought
it was your stomach.
[donkey braying]
Uh-oh. It's shorty.
Do you think the neighbors
can hear him?
(female #1)
'Whatever that is,
I'm gonna shoot it.'
I'm guessing they can.
I'm sorry, okay?
I'm bringing him in.
Go back to bed.
Put your guns on safety.
[braying]
Yeah, wonderful. Just wipe your
hooves on the way in, will you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll take
you prospecting for gold.
What's wrong with him?
You think he's sick?
Oh, I'm not taking
his temperature.
If that donkey doesn't let me
get some sleep
I'm gonna look like a wreck
for my senior picture tomorrow.
That goes in my yearbook my
graduation announcements
my college applications.
It's also the one they use
if you wind up on hard copy.
[braying]
Shorty, you're not making
a very good first impression.
See, I told you
it wasn't Joey.
It's alright.
I was already up.
Thanks to some
annoying hair rollers.
Honey, if they bother you
that much, don't sleep in them.
How's anybody gonna sleep
with this thing in the house?
I'd take him back outside but
apparently it's donkey season.
Dad, be nice to Shorty.
It's his first night.
He's scared.
Remember Comet's first night?
He slept with a hot water bottle
and an alarm clock.
Actually, that was
my first night.
[braying]
Donkey ride!
Me first!
No, guys.
The ride is closed.
Come on, back to bed.
Sing Three's company, daddy.
Boys, it's-it's
almost midnight.
I-I don't want to sing
Three company.
I'll sing it tomorrow for you.
[braying]
Oh, come on, sing it, Jess.
Maybe you'll drown out
Englebert Donkeydink over here.
Alright, fine, I'll sing it.
But after that, we're all going
to bed, alright?
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ We got the thing
and the stuff and the thing ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪♪
Very good.
Nice ending, boys.
Let's say goodnight.
Good night, everybody.
- Say, goodnight.
- 'Goodnight.'
[braying]
Uncle Jesse, wait.
When you sang,
Shorty got quiet with this
dreamy look on his face.
Maybe it's gas.
Oh, come on, Uncle Jesse
I have to get some sleep.
Would you just try
to sing to him, please?
You guys are crazy.
I think you guys all been
inhaling a little
close to the donkey around here.
There's no way
that my singing
has anything
to do with him not--
[braying]
Come on. Please sing.
- Please try.
- Just do it, Jess.
Alright. Okay, fine, fine.
I'm gonna do it
mainly because
I like the song so much.
[braying]
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been waiting
for you ♪
♪ We got the thing
and the stuff and the thing ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪♪
[braying]
Well, you heard it, Jess.
He's only quiet
when you sing.
- Oh!
- Jess, it's true.
You're our only hope for getting
through the night.
[braying]
Please keep singing,
Uncle Jesse.
If shorty stays quiet
everyone won't be mad at us.
Us?
You're the one who said
"Go out and live a little."
Well, I thought you were gonna
splurge on a sack of sour balls
not a four-legged flea bag.
[whimpering]
I hope you're happy.
You just hurt his feelings.
What am I supposed to do,
serenade him all night?
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ We got a thing and some
things and some things ♪
♪ And you need some donkey
mouthwash too ♪♪
Shorty, are you sleepy yet?
[braying]
One more time.
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ We got a thing
and some things ♪
♪ And some words that
I still don't know ♪
♪ Three's company ♪
♪ Too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Beck..
...you need a shave..
...and a mint.
Michelle, wake up.
It's morning.
You did it. You got shorty
through his first night.
- Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
- No problem, hon.
Give me a hug.
Although I probably smell
like a barnyard.
- No, no. Not at all.
- Uh-huh.
(Stephanie)
'Ahh!'
'I can't believe it.
It's ruined.'
What...what's happening?
Uncle Jesse, look at my map.
Hmh, I'm sorry, Steph.
I fell asleep.
Shorty must have gone out
for a midnight snack.
He ate the entire
farm belt.
Dad, would you
look at this?
Shorty ruined my map.
I'm gonna fail geography.
Just take it easy, sweetheart.
I'll write you a note.
What are you say,
the donkey ate my homework?
I used that one last week.
Shorty didn't mean
to wreck your map.
He just loves America.
[sneeze]
Ahh!
What am I gonna do?
I'm all sniffily.
My eyes are all puffy.
I-I can't take
my senior picture
looking like
a blotchy blowfish.
Oh, man. Maybe it's
an allergic reaction.
To what?
[donkey braying]
I'll give you one guess.
(together)
Shorty.
- He's in the living room?
- Get him out!
Get him out!
I'm breathing donkey dander.
We got to get that mule out
of the house, now.
Okay, fine, fine.
Just don't anybody panic.
You know, we don't want to
overreact and scare him.
Ahh!
Great-grandaddy Cornwall!
You know, I'm finally starting
to see the family resemblance.
Shorty, how could you?
That's it. He's out of here.
Danny, where are you going?
Anybody want to buy a donkey?
Danny, nobody wants to buy
a donkey.
- I did.
- 'Alright.'
Anybody want to buy
a free donkey?
(female #1)
'Shut up, Tanner!
I'd rather hear the donkey!'
Danny, come in here.
The neighbors are
armed and cranky.
Now, I have an idea.
Why don't you take shorty
to the children's zoo?
Yeah, and after that,
maybe a movie.
Michelle, I'm sure you
agree with everybody.
This-this shorty thing,
it's just not working out.
Yeah, you're right.
Shorty, you'll like the zoo.
You can eat all day
and bray all night.
You'll fit right in.
Well, Michelle, I think it's
time to say goodbye to Shorty.
Only question is,
whose car are we taking?
You know,
with a shave and a hat
we could get him
on the bus.
I was thinking after we sell
Shorty to the zoo
I'm gonna buy candy
for everyone
and put the rest of
the money in the bank.
Shorty.
[braying]
Not you, her.
Listen, uh, we're not gonna
get any money for Shorty
because we're gonna
donate him to the zoo.
So that's it? I'm broke?
I'm afraid so, pal.
That's okay. At least
one good thing happened.
We all got to meet Shorty,
right, everyone?
So, when's that zoo opening?
Who cares? We'll
wait by the gate.
You know what
I think he'd really like
before he goes, Uncle Jess?
I'm not kissing him goodbye.
You know.
Alright, but you guys
got to help me out.
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ Come and knock
on our door ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ We've been
waiting for you ♪
♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪
That's it.
♪ Three's company too ♪♪
Those are the words.
I-I knew it.
I kind of knew it.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪
[braying]