[instrumental music]
Hey, good Jell-O, huh, guys?
Be careful though..
...it's still moving.
It's alive!
It wiggles all the way down.
Look, mama.
[laughing]
Alright, Watusi.
Whoa!
[all laughing]
(Becky)
'He's silly, huh?'
I met the most amazing
woman in the park today.
Well, actually I
didn't really meet her
I, uh, I crashed into her.
And she's amazing because
she didn't have you arrested?
Well, yeah.
Uh, her name is Yvette
and all she
speaks is French.
I have a date with
her tomorrow night.
And from what
I can understand
I think she's bringing
a friend named Marie along.
Two babes in one night?
You devil!
I know, it's great,
it's like a double date
and the other guy's
got the flu.
[laughing]
Well, you better brush
up on the old Francais.
Oh, I will. I'll study
my old French tapes.
Ze complete works
of Pepe Le Pew.
Ha ha ha.
♪ Oh I met a lady in ze park ♪
♪ I show my tushie to you.. ♪♪
[kids laughing]
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
Go-o-oal!
Alright, that ties the score.
I'm impressed, Michelle.
Getting good enough
to make this fun.
You want fun?
Get ready to lose.
(Michelle and Stephanie)
One, two..
Oh, that Gia.
Gotta go.
What about our game?
Uh, tie goes to the oldest.
Just wait till I'm the oldest.
- Hey, Steph.
- Hey, Gia.
- Oh, hey, Mrs. Mahan.
- Hi.
Mrs. Mahan?
Hey, Mr. Tanner. You
remember my mom, Claire.
Claire, Claire,
Claire. Of course.
Who could forget Claire?
What's your name again?
Thank you for
letting Gia stay over.
Gia, we are gonna
have such a cool time.
I rented
a Keanu Reeves movie.
Cool. Which one?
Who cares?
He takes off his shirt.
I'll take that.
I know.
You know, I just
had kind of a
a wacky, uh, nutty idea.
You, you, uh, like coffee?
Well, uh, you know, Dan,
I work in a coffee shop
so I make coffee
and I serve coffee
and I drink coffee and I think
you could say I have
coffee coming out of my ears.
Well, if you can make
cream come out of your nose
we're in business.
C-can I get you a cup?
Sure, why not?
Cool. Let's,
let's go.
- Okay.
Did my dad and your
mom just go on a date?
No, they're just
going out for coffee.
At their age,
that's a date.
[indistinct]
[instrumental music]
Hello.
Uh, Uncle Jesse,
we were just, uh--
Kissing on the couch?
Basically yeah.
Take a breath
and check this out.
Look at this. "Can Jessica
Katsopolis make a comeback?
"Hot daddy and the Monkey
Puppets scheduled
to appear at a sold out
concert at the Smash Club."
- Can you believe this?
- Did they mention me?
Yeah, they mentioned
all the Monkey Puppets.
I can't, I can't believe this.
Can I make a comeback?
I didn't know I
went away. You know?
A guy switches bands and all
of a sudden he's a has-been.
Aw, what am I saying.
We're gonna be great.
Unless, of course, we bite.
Oh, we're not gonna bite.
We're gonna be terrific.
The band sounds great.
Oh, what if
the band's not ready?
You see, that-that's
the problem.
If the band's not re..
I go to stop talking to myself.
Oh, talking to myself is okay.
Answering myself.
That's the problem.
I'm just gonna go in the kitchen
and basically..
...leave myself alone.
- Oh, were you finished.
- What do you mean?
I just didn't know if you
read as fast as I do.
Are you saying
I'm a slow reader?
No.
Some people read fast.
And other people
read faster.
Oh. Well, I'm sorry I don't
read as "faster" as you.
Did I say something wrong?
No, but I know
what you're thinking.
Well, would you
like to tell me?
- Because I'm really not sure.
- Yeah, yeah.
You think that just 'cause
you're gonna go to college
and I didn't, that I'm
not as smart as you.
I don't think
that at all.
I-I'm sorry,
I didn't realize
you were so insecure
about this college thing.
I am not insecure!
Maybe you're just
a little too secure.
- Oh, that makes a lot of sense.
- Oh, well, I'm sorry.
I never took
logic in college.
Just forget it.
I gotta go rehearse.
Ah. Fine.
I have something to read.
And I'm gonna do it really fast.
Whoa! Check this out.
Teased hair, leather
jacket, black lipstick.
What would your mom
say if you walked
out of the house like that?
Nothing. She'd be unconscious.
Hey, can I see?
Uh, Michelle, this
isn't really for you.
Why don't you go read
one of your baby books?
Why don't you just go?
♪ Want to be close to you ♪
♪ On the day that you.. ♪♪
Hey, you guys are still awake?
So, what did you two
crazy kids do tonight?
Actually, it was
very interesting.
Claire and I were just
sitting in the coffee shop
we were sharing a piece
of lemon meringue pie.
It was really perfect too
because Claire loves
the lemon part and
well, you know me and meringue.
Anyway, there was
this poster on the wall
for this, uh, you know,
this monster truck
and tractor pull show. So,
to make a long story short--
Too late for that.
It's amazing, Gia, your mom
is so crazy and spontaneous
she actually talked
me into going to it.
So, are you and my
mom, like, dating?
Well, I-I wouldn't
exactly call it dating.
We went out tonight for
coffee and I am gonna take her
to the Smash Club tomorrow night
but, you know,
technically I wouldn't say..
Hey, I'm dating.
- Hey. Well, goodnight, girls.
- Goodnight, dad.
♪ So they sprinkled
moondust in your hair.. ♪♪
Whoa, this is serious.
My mom and your dad.
- Steph, this is so cool.
- Yeah.
I mean, what if they really
hit it off and get married?
How great would that be?
We'd be sisters.
- Yes.
- Whoo-hoo!
Then, we could
share the same room.
- Stay up late.
- Put our beds together.
And share secrets that
no one would understand.
- 'I know, it's gonna be so--'
- Hey, wait a second.
This is my room too.
Don't worry,
little Michelle.
We'll find
a place for you.
It's a big house.
Hey, you wanna sneak down
for a midnight snack, sis?
You read my mind, sis.
This is so great, it's gonna
be like this all the time
if my dad and your
mom get married.
It's gonna be so fun.
[instrumental music]
So, what are you gonna wear
to the Smash Club tonight?
I don't know, but I'm thinking
about my sunflower dress.
Little Michelle,
she was talking to me.
In that case..
...speak slowly
and don't use big words.
I'm not sure
what I'm gonna wear.
But, all I know, it's gonna
be something totally hot.
- Me too.
- Bad move, Steph.
We want to get
our folks together.
The last thing my
mom wants in her life
is another kid like me.
[both laugh]
Michelle, I think that
your sunflower dress
is gonna look terrific.
Thanks, but now I'm thinking
about a whole new look.
[instrumental music]
Sing your part the next time.
♪ Longing for ho-o-ome ♪
That's good. Alright.
♪ Longing for-- ♪♪
Good. That was perfect.
Excellent. Let's try it again.
- This time, do it better.
- Jess, relax. Come on.
We've been doing this all day.
We're gonna be fine tonight.
Trust me. We got
nothing to worry about.
Yeah, well, maybe you got
nothing to worry about.
But you're not the one
making a comeback.
All you doing is making a,
"Hi, I'm a Monkey Puppet."
- Hey, Deej.
- Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Wild guess.
You guys aren't talking.
Why say something
if everything I say
gets twisted into
something I didn't say?
Are you saying I'm twisted?
See?
So you guys are talking. You're
just not making any sense.
I don't know
what to do, Jess.
She thinks I'm
insecure because I
didn't go to college.
Well, are you?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Oh, man. I really
blew up at her.
Maybe I should
just apologize, huh?
Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah,
that's good. Do that.
But, uh, Viper,
listen to the, uh
listen to the doctor
of love over here, okay?
Apologize. Very good.
Next thing you
gotta do is you gotta
show her that you have
a sense of humor, okay?
Now, buy her, uh, like
get her a silly gift
or something to show
her that you care.
- Okay?
- Huh.
That, my friend,
is the very thing
that women can't
get enough of. Okay?
That's the thing
that women...love.
- See?
- Wow.
Honey, I'm sorry.
I missed part of that.
What's-what's
the thing that women love
and can't get enough of?
Yeah, right.
- Like I'm gonna tell you.
- Yeah.
Take it again.
♪ Longing for ho-o-ome ♪♪
[honking]
[upbeat music]
Will that be the hip
or unhip section?
Definitely unhip.
Uh, Kimmy, could
you take my order?
Sure, what would you like?
Another waitress.
Can you guys order me a root
beer? I'll be right back.
Why won't you tell us
what's in the bag?
You'll see.
[singing in French]
Bon soir, Becky.
I believe the Eiffel Tower
is that way.
Ho ho ho.
I'm, uh, supposed to meet
Yvette and Marie here.
Have you seen anyone
who looks French?
No, including you.
Huh?
- Hi.
- Hey, dad.
So where you guys been?
Well, we went
by the bridge
to watch
the fog roll in.
- Ooh, that sounds romantic.
- Not really.
After about ten minutes
I couldn't even see Claire.
They are so lame.
As long as they're
lame together.
Hi. I'm D.J.
I'll be your waitress.
Oh, hi. I'm Danny.
I'll be your father.
And this is your
father's friend Claire.
This is my oldest
daughter D.J.
- Oh, hi. Nice meeting you.
- Hello. My pleasure.
Now I know why my dad
smells so nice tonight.
Oh, gee, thanks. It's my
own special blend of cologne.
I combine Hai Karate
with baby powder.
I call it "Hi, baby."
- Bye, dad.
- Bye, baby.
[sighs]
Danny, your kids are great.
(Claire)
'Can't wait to meet Michelle.'
You know what,
she's here somewhere.
While I'll go look for her,
I'll rustle us up
a couple of cappuccinos.
Okay.
- Hi.
Uh, come here.
I-I got something for you.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, m-maybe I was
a little oversensitive.
So, I got something to
show you how I really feel.
- That's how you feel?
- Yeah.
See, uh, I'm totally secure.
I'm happy for you.
Don't you think it's funny?
What's the funny part,
that you're stupid
or that I'm dating
someone stupid?
All of it.
Do you have to analyze
everything to death?
That shirt's not funny.
Why do I bother?
- Oh, Yvette.
- Oh, bon soir, Joey.
[speaking in French]
Mmm.
Ooh, Marie.
Ooh la la.
Joey?
Bon soir.
Je m'appelle, Jack.
Oh, well, uh, nice
to meet you, Jack.
If you'll excuse me, I've
got to go speak to Marie.
Uh, you're talking to him.
Mari means husband.
Even I know that and I
got a D in French.
[speaking in French]
Husband.
Oh...husband.
Um, quelle surprise.
Please, uh, uh, would
you like to be seated?
- Merci.
- Le chair.
- Merci.
- Le table.
Oh, le bummed. Oh.
- Mes enfants.
- Oh, your children! Huh.
Oh, boy!
You two certainly
have been busy.
[rock music]
So, you must be the babe
who's hittin' on my old man.
- Got a smoke?
- Huh?
No. I'm sorry. I quit.
Too bad.
I'm tryin' to start.
Where's pops?
Pops went to go get
some cappuccino.
And where were you?
Madonna's garage sale?
You're Danny's little Michelle?
Who you expectin',
Little Miss Muffet?
Move it or lose it.
Is my root beer here yet?
I like to suck it back
before all the foam's gone.
Hey, kid. What happened to you?
You look great!
[burps]
- Michelle?
- So, pops?
What have you been
telling blondie about me?
First, Michelle,
it isn't Halloween.
Second, you're not an MTV VJ.
So tell me what's going on?
Hey, I'm just being myself.
Bad to the bone.
Michelle, I've seen your X-rays,
you don't have a bad bone
in your body. Out of the booth.
Look, I want you out of these
clothes, changed right now
and I want all that makeup off
of your face, then I want you
to come back here and we're
gonna talk about this.
Maybe we will,
maybe we won't.
Maybe we will?
Viper. What are you doing?
Why aren't you backstage getting
ready? We're on in ten minutes.
Come on, this is make-it
or break-it time, pal.
I'm sorry, Jess.
I'm too depressed to play.
I gave D.J. a goofy
gift like you told me
and she hated it.
You're young.
You got good hair.
You'll bounce back.
Come on.
I'm sorry, Jess, uh..
I just can't play
when I feel like this.
You just can't play
when you feel like..
Does the fact that
my career's on the line
that has no effect on you?
Yeah, I feel really
bad about that.
And that makes
it hurt even worse.
(Jesse)
Stay here. Stay here.
D.J. Deej.
Come here.
Listen, I need you
to talk to Viper.
Oh, I-I don't know what to say.
We're just too different.
Deej, haven't you ever
heard of opposites attract?
I mean, take a look at
your Aunt Becky and me.
I mean, you know,
in some ways
we couldn't be more
different, you know?
I mean, we-we're
constantly having
these fights about
television, right?
Over sports
or "Melrose Place."
And once in a while,
I have to just give in
and watch a football
game with her.
Now, come on, go talk to him,
please. I need him onstage.
Just, just talk.
There you go.
That's good.
Talk, I'm not hearing,
I'm not hearing talking.
Come on, you guys. You have
something very special here.
See, a relationship is like a..
...well, it's like
a little flower, if you will.
It needs water.
It needs care in
order for it to grow.
But fighting is like
a, is like a hailstorm
that kind of, it kind of
pounds your flower down.
Down, flower,
down, flower.
But with love
and understanding..
...your flower can grow.
It could stand tall
and stretch its petals
and..
...kiss the sun.
So, what do you guys say?
Can you kiss and make up?
I'm sorry.
I acted like a jerk.
Come here,
my little flower.
Let's not have
another hailstorm.
Oh, yeah.
They bought it.
Okay. Everyone,
out of the garden.
You back to work,
you onstage. Let's go.
You guys keep this up, you're
going to need a bigger wallet.
(male announcer)
'Ladies and gentlemen'
'Hot Daddy and
The Monkey Puppets.'
[all cheering]
♪ As the mome raths outgrabe ♪
♪ Another long shaky day ♪
♪ And the dominos sway ♪
♪ Never fade away ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ I hear cypress calling ♪
♪ As the moments
turn into years ♪
♪ With her tender hand ♪
♪ I became a man ♪
♪ In the fields
where we used to play ♪
♪ Play ♪
♪ Been longing for home ♪
♪ As I walk down
the Champs-Elysees ♪
♪ Longing for ho-o-ome ♪
♪ Longing for home
I hear cypress calling ♪
♪ Today ♪
♪ Oh-h-h ♪
♪ Longing for ho-o-ome ♪♪
[all cheering]
Okay, Michelle...you
wanna tell me what that
rebel-without-a-hall-pass
act was all about?
I don't want you
to marry Claire.
Who told you I was
going to marry Claire?
They did.
- Girls?
- Yeah, dad?
Did you tell Michelle
I was gonna marry Claire?
No, not really.
We just thought it
would be cool if you did.
Well, I don't
think it's cool.
You'll have Claire.
Stephanie and Gia
have each other.
I'm out in the cold.
Sweetheart, nobody's gonna
leave you out in the cold.
They already did.
Uh, Gia, I'll meet
you back at the table.
Okay.
Michelle, I'm sorry.
I guess I have been
kind of ignoring you.
I mean, I did think
it would be cool
to have Gia as a sister.
But I didn't think
it would be uncool
to have you as a sister.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, there's stuff
I can do with you
that I can
never do with Gia.
Like what?
Like...beating
you at Nok Hockey
a 100 times in a row.
Hey, I'm gonna beat
you one of these days.
Yeah, right.
Name the time and the place.
Tomorrow morning,
10 o'clock, our living room.
I know right where
that is. I'll be there.
So I guess we're
still sisters, huh?
Dad, if you want to
marry Claire, you can.
Michelle, it's
our second date.
If I ever decide to marry
Claire or anybody else
I promise you, nobody's
coming into this family
unless we love them
and they love all of us.
Alright?
Okay.
Love you.
Alright, break's over!
How you doin'?
[crowd cheering]
Guess I'm back.
[cheering continues]
It's time to take you there.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Oh oh yeah.. ♪
This is the Michelle
I was expecting.
Yeah, I clean up nice.
It's nice to meet the real you.
Can I, uh, sit down?
- Nope.
- Michelle, that's rude.
Well, how can
she dance with you
if she's sitting down?
Oh, you see, I..
Oh, I see what you're
getting at. Very wise.
Shall we?
♪ And yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ Lying to the races ♪
♪ Come on help me now ♪
♪ I'll take you there ♪
♪ Come on help me now ♪
♪ I'll take you there ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Help me take you now ♪
♪ I'll take you there ♪
♪ Come on help me out ♪
♪ I'll take you there.. ♪♪
[crowd cheering]
[instrumental music]
♪ Help me take you now ♪
♪ I'll take you there ♪
♪ Oh ♪♪