1 00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:14,687 I think the Unicorns should pack their suitcases, 2 00:00:14,721 --> 00:00:18,458 'cause they're about to take a trip in the penalty box. 3 00:00:18,492 --> 00:00:20,626 Capisce? 4 00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:24,897 It's not your fault that this establishment is insensitive to the needs of your pussy 5 00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,632 cat. 6 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,200 I'm telling you, you let one more fart loose in here 7 00:00:28,235 --> 00:00:29,802 I'm gonna have to drop the oxygen masks. 8 00:00:31,471 --> 00:00:33,872 Don't talk about your "underwear bomber." 9 00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:35,874 That's this guy. That's this guy. 10 00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:46,274 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,400 Ah. Wonderful. 12 00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:03,707 Excellent. 13 00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:07,778 Ah, good choice. 14 00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:09,747 Lamplighter, 5:30? 15 00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:11,716 There you go. 16 00:01:11,751 --> 00:01:13,151 Oh, hi! 17 00:01:13,186 --> 00:01:15,153 You know what I like to do from time to time? 18 00:01:15,188 --> 00:01:17,156 I like to take it up the ass. 19 00:01:17,190 --> 00:01:19,791 Not literally, of course, but figuratively. 20 00:01:19,826 --> 00:01:22,962 The older you get, the easier it is to do. 21 00:01:22,996 --> 00:01:25,164 I mean, do you really think you're smarter 22 00:01:25,199 --> 00:01:28,001 than all those guys trying to screw you over? 23 00:01:28,035 --> 00:01:29,236 You're not. 24 00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:30,671 Right now, there's some college nerd 25 00:01:30,705 --> 00:01:32,773 working a computer at a Wall Street office 26 00:01:32,807 --> 00:01:35,976 thinking of ways to fuck you over you can't even imagine, my friend. 27 00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:39,480 Just going about your day, swinging a hammer, flipping a burger, 28 00:01:39,514 --> 00:01:41,949 and he's looking at numbers, 29 00:01:41,983 --> 00:01:45,586 thinking to himself, "How can I fuck somebody over?" 30 00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:46,821 You're not smarter than him. 31 00:01:48,357 --> 00:01:49,991 And there's a bunch of 'em, too. 32 00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,793 They just got through fucking us a couple of years ago, 33 00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:53,661 and now they're at it again. 34 00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:56,330 There's really nothing you can do except sit back, 35 00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:59,000 have a drink, watch a little TV, 36 00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:00,535 and take it like a man. 37 00:02:02,138 --> 00:02:04,105 I've actually come to enjoy it. 38 00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:07,008 Figuratively speaking, of course. 39 00:02:35,474 --> 00:02:37,775 Tonight on Funny or Die, 40 00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,276 Tijuana Jackson, 41 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,480 part two of Lady Refs, 42 00:02:43,515 --> 00:02:44,849 and the movie of the week, 43 00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:47,752 Terrorist on Flight 77, 44 00:02:47,786 --> 00:02:50,655 starring Tom Lennon and Ben Garant, okay? 45 00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:55,660 A lot of people wanna hear my story. 46 00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:58,029 You what I'm saying? A lot of people wanna hear how I got... 47 00:02:58,064 --> 00:03:01,299 They wanna know how a nigga ended up in jail, you know what I'm saying, 48 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,802 a nigger of my caliber ended up in prison in the first place. 49 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:07,505 You know, the gas prices, they went up, you know what I'm saying, 50 00:03:07,539 --> 00:03:09,306 and nigga got busted siphoning some gas 51 00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:12,108 out of a motherfucking school bus in a parking lot, okay? 52 00:03:12,143 --> 00:03:14,610 You know, and the cops pulled up and caught me, 53 00:03:14,644 --> 00:03:16,678 you know, and it was a misdemeanor. 54 00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:20,348 But then, it escalated to a felony, 'cause I was smoking a cigarette, 55 00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:23,752 therefore endangering the lives of the kids that were still on the bus. 56 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:26,088 I didn't really realize those little motherfuckers was on there. 57 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,862 626? 58 00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:33,930 Aw, hell no. 59 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,598 Not on my cell phone, no. 60 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:39,336 Last time, man, last time I got one of them calls, I called them up. 61 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,372 They told me, I said, they said I won a prize. I said, "What'd I win?" 62 00:03:42,407 --> 00:03:46,142 They said, "You won the complete Ginsu knife set with..." 63 00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:48,244 And it came with the bamboo wood block 64 00:03:48,278 --> 00:03:50,145 and they said it had a knife sharpener with it. 65 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:51,447 I went to pick my shit up, 66 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,915 these motherfuckers slap handcuffs on me. 67 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,584 You know what I'm saying? For outstanding warrants. 68 00:03:55,618 --> 00:03:56,785 Not again. 69 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,353 Y'all just hold tight for a second, all right? 70 00:03:58,388 --> 00:03:59,588 I just gotta... 71 00:04:16,571 --> 00:04:17,938 My nephew used to go to that school, 72 00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:22,176 but then the Koreans took it over. 73 00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,778 This is the issue, 74 00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:26,614 this is the issue that a lot of motherfuckers don't try to understand. 75 00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:28,850 I'm trying to give y'all legitimate information. 76 00:04:28,884 --> 00:04:30,985 If people are willing to make a documentary about you 77 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,455 it must say something about your heart, and who you, 78 00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:35,123 who you are as an individual. 79 00:04:35,157 --> 00:04:36,891 As a whole, you know what I'm saying, 80 00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,393 these motherfuckers don't think. 81 00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:40,595 Just due to because of the fact that I'm flashy, 82 00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:42,363 you know what I'm saying, I'm good looking, you know what I'm saying, 83 00:04:42,397 --> 00:04:44,398 I wear chains and shit, you know what I'm saying, 84 00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:46,233 I can't be no motherfucking professional, you know what I'm saying? 85 00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:47,501 Contraire, mon frere. 86 00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,139 Get some change? 87 00:04:52,174 --> 00:04:53,707 No camera, no smoking in the store. 88 00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:54,875 It's menthol. 89 00:04:54,909 --> 00:04:56,476 They ain't filming you, they're filming me. 90 00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:59,312 Life coach. Motivational speaker. How much for the sweets? 91 00:04:59,346 --> 00:05:00,613 It's $1. 92 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,149 A... 93 00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:05,285 Hey, can you check the back for hypoallergenic cat licks? 94 00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,520 All we have is what you see. 95 00:05:07,554 --> 00:05:10,222 Hypoallergenic cats need hypoallergenic food for a reason. It's not optional. 96 00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:13,392 Sorry. There's nothing in the back. Forget it. 97 00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:15,126 Sorry to disturb you, sir. 98 00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:16,661 Whatever. 99 00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:18,696 Okay. 100 00:05:18,731 --> 00:05:21,766 Obviously she's rooting something deep in the motherfucking feline, okay? 101 00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:25,136 Excuse me. 102 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:26,637 I noticed you were having a bit of a dilemma. 103 00:05:26,672 --> 00:05:28,239 My name's Tijuana Jackson. 104 00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:30,141 Motivational speaker, life coach. 105 00:05:30,175 --> 00:05:31,442 How come they're filming me? 106 00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:33,010 Oh, they're not... guys. 107 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,848 Cut. Cut. 108 00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:40,185 Okay, now. Got that out the way. 109 00:05:40,219 --> 00:05:42,488 Uh, what seems to be getting your hormones so riled up? 110 00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:43,622 I'm the worst mother in the world. 111 00:05:43,656 --> 00:05:45,490 My cat's hungry... That's not true, okay? 112 00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:48,026 Look, it's not your fault that this establishment 113 00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:50,629 is insensitive to the needs of your pussy 114 00:05:50,663 --> 00:05:52,431 cat. 115 00:05:52,465 --> 00:05:55,568 Furthermore, I believe an investigation of your self-image is what's in order. 116 00:05:55,602 --> 00:05:57,370 What's the matter with my self-image? 117 00:05:57,404 --> 00:05:59,238 It's a beautiful thing. Okay? 118 00:05:59,273 --> 00:06:01,873 It just needs to be nurtured in the same way that you nurture your cat. 119 00:06:04,443 --> 00:06:05,577 Do you wash it? 120 00:06:05,611 --> 00:06:07,379 Yeah. Okay. 121 00:06:07,413 --> 00:06:09,080 Do you play with it? Of course I do. 122 00:06:09,114 --> 00:06:10,147 Mmm-hmm. 123 00:06:10,182 --> 00:06:12,383 And when you stroke it, does it purr? 124 00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:13,517 What? 125 00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:15,318 Okay, let me put it to you this way, okay? 126 00:06:15,353 --> 00:06:16,853 By the paleness in your skin, 127 00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:21,156 dark circles, the hunch in your posture, moderately excessive weight, 128 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:25,094 I'm led to believe you're neglecting something other than your cat. 129 00:06:25,128 --> 00:06:27,863 Do you honestly consider yourself to be an attractive woman? 130 00:06:27,897 --> 00:06:29,631 Right now? I mean, I don't, okay? Fuck you. 131 00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,166 No, I don't mean... No. No. 132 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,434 No, I do... okay. Fuck... fuck you! 133 00:06:32,468 --> 00:06:33,502 No, wait a minute... 134 00:06:33,536 --> 00:06:35,303 Fuck you! 135 00:06:35,338 --> 00:06:37,806 I'm breaking you down to build you back up, okay? Don't take offense to it. 136 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,841 If you take it personally, it's not gonna work. 137 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,787 Prime example of what I'm talking about, okay? 138 00:06:52,821 --> 00:06:55,089 Drinking soda. God knows what else. 139 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,092 You know what, I think that the lesson that we learned here today 140 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,028 is that you can lead a feline to the water, 141 00:07:01,063 --> 00:07:03,431 but if that feline don't want to see its reflection, 142 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,665 it ain't gonna drink. 143 00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,636 Man, honestly, you can't save everybody. 144 00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,471 I think some people are just meant to be fucked up. 145 00:07:10,506 --> 00:07:12,240 I thought Christians don't curse. 146 00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,909 What makes you think I'm Christian? 147 00:07:13,943 --> 00:07:15,711 I see you got a cross on. 148 00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:17,913 This ain't no cross, nigga. This is "T" for "T.J." 149 00:07:17,948 --> 00:07:19,848 Some change, homey. 150 00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:22,117 Hey, somebody page T.J.? 151 00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,319 What'd I win? 152 00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:26,722 With the bamboo wood block. 153 00:07:27,824 --> 00:07:29,592 Fuck these niggas. Let's go. 154 00:07:41,403 --> 00:07:43,237 Welcome back to Juggalo News. 155 00:07:43,272 --> 00:07:46,141 The highest honors in carnival-crazed graveyard cinema 156 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:49,645 were handed out tonight at the annual Suck My Cockscar Awards. 157 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,648 Joining us now from the red carpet is entertainment correspondent 158 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:55,318 Crime Minista Molotovsticles. 159 00:07:55,353 --> 00:08:00,758 Thanks, Krazee. It truly was a magical night here in Hollywoodville, Michigan, 160 00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:05,262 where all the biggest stars came out to shine and shit. 161 00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:08,265 And the Suck My Cockscar goes to 162 00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,235 Sovereignty in this Bitch. 163 00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:15,405 Revolutionary war epic Sovereignty in this Bitch was tonight's big winner, 164 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:20,077 taking home six awards, including Dopest Picture and Best Sound Design. 165 00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:21,177 Ya heard? 166 00:08:21,212 --> 00:08:22,779 Let the word go forth 167 00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:26,950 that our nation can chillax no longer. 168 00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:30,354 We must rise against those who wish to fuck us up 169 00:08:30,389 --> 00:08:34,359 and axe them in their gay boners! 170 00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:39,464 The film also earned a Best Supporting Psycho Prize for Adolph Satanfinger, 171 00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:42,868 star of TV’s Shit's Fucked Up Hospital. 172 00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:45,004 I wish my fucking father could have seen this shit. 173 00:08:45,038 --> 00:08:49,675 El Jardin de Sacos Testiculos took home best not English film, 174 00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:53,378 while the best animatified film went to Wicked Ass Zoo. 175 00:08:53,412 --> 00:08:56,148 Hey, yo. How we gonna get out of this fucking zoo? 176 00:08:56,182 --> 00:08:57,616 We animals! 177 00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,318 We belong in the zoo, bitch! 178 00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:04,723 But let's not forget the real star of any Suck My Cockscar night, 179 00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:06,625 the fashion! 180 00:09:06,659 --> 00:09:10,695 Decapitatrix looked stunning in a vintage diamond necklace from Cartier 181 00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,931 and a red hoodie stolen from Target, 182 00:09:12,965 --> 00:09:18,670 while Blunts Assface rocked a smart Burberry coat and no pants. 183 00:09:18,704 --> 00:09:24,076 All in all, a night of glitz, glamour, and ghetto-ass hocus pocus. 184 00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,244 Krazee? 185 00:09:25,278 --> 00:09:26,512 Some other big winners tonight, 186 00:09:26,546 --> 00:09:29,615 Downest-ass Bitch went to Her Vajesty, 187 00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:32,418 Best Original Strangling went to Fuckfoot, 188 00:09:32,453 --> 00:09:37,656 and Freshest Original Jam was a tie between the Nightmerican Skullfuck Squad 189 00:09:37,691 --> 00:09:40,626 and Randy Newman. We'll be right back. 190 00:09:59,945 --> 00:10:02,547 Previously on Lady Refs... 191 00:10:02,582 --> 00:10:04,550 Jablonsky loves her some Dirkson... 192 00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:06,152 God damn, she's fine. 193 00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:07,987 ...But Dirkson likes to play the field. 194 00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:09,890 Look. Hot new girl in town. 195 00:10:09,924 --> 00:10:12,559 Hot new girl with a male fiance. 196 00:10:12,593 --> 00:10:14,428 He wears the ring in the family. 197 00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:16,597 Jablonsky calls game over... 198 00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:18,899 You might get the new girl, but you'll never get these. 199 00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:20,701 If she can't service Dirkson, 200 00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:22,303 she'll take her service elsewhere. 201 00:10:22,337 --> 00:10:24,072 Is Afghanistan far from here? 202 00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,640 You bet. 203 00:10:25,674 --> 00:10:26,941 Well, sign me up. 204 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:34,348 Man, soon as I think reffing's the only thing worth living for. 205 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:35,616 Amen. 206 00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:38,052 Damn, Dirkson. You're so good at jogging backwards. 207 00:10:38,086 --> 00:10:39,186 It's kind of my thing, 208 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,489 but it takes a lot of concentration. 209 00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,224 Here's to popping your cherry. Dirkson! 210 00:10:44,259 --> 00:10:45,760 That shower was a one time thing. 211 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,402 Chillax, rookie. I'm talking about your ref cherry. 212 00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:02,279 ♪ If you're offsides, out of bounds 213 00:11:02,314 --> 00:11:04,281 ♪ to play real rough and show them down 214 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:05,482 ♪ even you would get a bump 215 00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:07,384 ♪ 'cause when I kick I kick it hard 216 00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:09,987 ♪ every time you hear the whistle go 217 00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:11,555 ♪ that's me in control 218 00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,490 ♪ we're playing sudden death 219 00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:17,027 ♪ lady refs ♪ 220 00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:20,263 Play ball! 221 00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:22,132 Keep it clean! Easy! 222 00:11:23,134 --> 00:11:24,301 Offsides! 223 00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:26,337 Damn! 224 00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:28,572 Let's go, girls. 225 00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:33,011 I think the Unicorns should pack their suitcases. 226 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:34,912 'Cause they're about to take a trip 227 00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:36,814 in the penalty box. 228 00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:38,784 Capisce? 229 00:11:38,818 --> 00:11:42,488 A bribe? What do I do? Dirkson! 230 00:11:42,522 --> 00:11:44,590 Not now! I'm jogging backwards! 231 00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:46,458 But, Dirkson! 232 00:11:48,194 --> 00:11:49,227 No! 233 00:11:57,236 --> 00:11:59,871 Are you okay? Are you dead? 234 00:12:02,407 --> 00:12:03,942 I did everything I could, 235 00:12:03,976 --> 00:12:05,543 but I couldn't save her 236 00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:08,346 interior (speaking gibberish) ligament. 237 00:12:08,381 --> 00:12:11,383 Oh, God! Not her ACL! 238 00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:12,884 How long does she have? 239 00:12:12,918 --> 00:12:16,188 Six months, to a year... 240 00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:18,890 ...Before she, uh, can run backwards again. 241 00:12:18,924 --> 00:12:21,026 No. No! 242 00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,628 It's all my fault! 243 00:12:22,662 --> 00:12:24,963 I distracted her backwards jog. 244 00:12:24,997 --> 00:12:27,432 There's gotta be something you can do. 245 00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:30,302 Well, there is an experimental surgery but it's 246 00:12:30,336 --> 00:12:31,503 very expensive. 247 00:12:32,738 --> 00:12:34,339 Very expensive, huh? 248 00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,042 Well played, Unicorns. 249 00:12:39,645 --> 00:12:41,546 I'll take that bribe now. 250 00:12:41,581 --> 00:12:43,414 The game's over. 251 00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:45,716 I'll take it for next time, then. 252 00:12:45,751 --> 00:12:47,484 Next time's the finals, 253 00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:51,254 and word is the Unicorns are a shoo-in. 254 00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:52,489 Capisce? 255 00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:55,258 Ugh. 256 00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:56,659 Capisce. 257 00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:05,002 I believe this should cover it. 258 00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:08,406 Look, I could lose my athletic trainer ID if I do this surgery, 259 00:13:09,775 --> 00:13:11,042 but this is a lot of cash. 260 00:13:12,378 --> 00:13:14,346 No one can know about this. 261 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,681 Then I'll prep the LR. 262 00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,217 Locker room. 263 00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:21,421 Someone say surgery? 264 00:13:21,455 --> 00:13:23,189 Jablonsky! 265 00:13:23,224 --> 00:13:25,825 Came from Afghanistan as soon as I heard about Dirkson's fall. 266 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,127 She's flatlining! 267 00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:38,472 Next time on Lady Refs... 268 00:13:38,506 --> 00:13:39,573 Ow! Clear! 269 00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:43,077 Oh! 270 00:14:08,805 --> 00:14:09,971 Ooh. 271 00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:14,342 Are you from Tennessee? 272 00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:17,345 Because you're the only "ten" I see. 273 00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,029 Hey! 274 00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:40,170 Presenting the world premiere of a motion picture produced especially for Funny or Die. 275 00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:41,905 The movie of the week. 276 00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:45,374 Tonight's movie, Terrorist on Flight 77. 277 00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:54,582 And good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 278 00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:57,385 From the flight deck, this is your co-pilot speaking. 279 00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:58,753 This is flight 77, 280 00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:01,855 en route from LAX to Detroit, Michigan, 281 00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:02,990 the Motor City. 282 00:15:03,025 --> 00:15:04,859 We've got nothing but clear skies up ahead of us. 283 00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:08,830 We might even have you at the gate just a little bit early. 284 00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:10,432 Huh. 285 00:15:10,466 --> 00:15:11,800 That's weird. 286 00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:14,337 What's weird? 287 00:15:15,773 --> 00:15:18,408 Radio just handed me a new message from the tower. 288 00:15:18,442 --> 00:15:24,715 They want us to change our landing coordinates to 68 degrees north by 99 west? 289 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,418 That's like, uh, south of five point? South Dakota? 290 00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:30,454 South Dakota. 68 north, 99 west, that's, uh... 291 00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:33,624 That's Mount Rushmore, isn't it? 292 00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,325 I think that is Mount Rushmore! 293 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,627 They want us to land the plane 294 00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:39,862 on Mount Rushmore. 295 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,764 Hmm. That would pretty much have us 296 00:15:41,798 --> 00:15:45,001 crashing smack dab into Mount Rushmore. 297 00:15:45,036 --> 00:15:47,004 That seems kind of weird, doesn't it? 298 00:15:47,038 --> 00:15:48,271 Huh. 299 00:15:48,306 --> 00:15:49,539 Huh. That's weird. 300 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,041 That is really weird. 301 00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,644 68 north by 302 00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:57,480 99 west. 303 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,419 You know what seems weird? 304 00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:05,289 Huh. Them wanting us to crash the plane into Mount Rushmore. 305 00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:07,492 Is it me? Am I... I don't know. 306 00:16:07,526 --> 00:16:09,327 It just seems a little weird, doesn't it? 307 00:16:09,361 --> 00:16:11,463 You know what? Maybe we should just radio in to air traffic control and just 308 00:16:11,497 --> 00:16:12,998 kind of double-check those coordinates. Couldn't hurt. 309 00:16:13,032 --> 00:16:14,733 Couldn't hurt. 310 00:16:14,768 --> 00:16:16,435 Couldn't hurt to double check. Do a little idiot check. 311 00:16:16,469 --> 00:16:18,371 Hey, uh, radio man. 312 00:16:18,405 --> 00:16:19,572 Radio man? 313 00:16:26,979 --> 00:16:29,080 I'm sorry, uh... 314 00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,850 I'm so embarrassed. I forgot your name. 315 00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,488 Rusty. Rusty O’Brien. 316 00:16:37,522 --> 00:16:40,324 Rusty O’Brien. Rusty! I'm so sorry. 317 00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:43,728 So many new faces around here, Rusty, ever since the merger and the buyout. 318 00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:44,962 Blah, blah, blah. 319 00:16:44,997 --> 00:16:47,498 Oh, uh, what was I gonna ask you? 320 00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:50,702 Oh, hey, would you, uh, run those coordinates by air traffic control 321 00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:53,038 just to see if that's what they meant, 'cause it seems 322 00:16:53,073 --> 00:16:54,507 just a little bit fishy to me. 323 00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,109 Just, just radio to the tower. 324 00:17:10,358 --> 00:17:11,658 So, 325 00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:12,926 that's a yes? 326 00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:20,133 All right. Well, there you go. Okey doke. Okey doke. 327 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:21,968 Thanks, Rusty. 328 00:17:22,002 --> 00:17:23,536 Huh. 329 00:17:33,379 --> 00:17:34,580 You know what seems weird? 330 00:17:34,614 --> 00:17:35,948 Hmm. 331 00:17:35,982 --> 00:17:39,350 Them having us crash the plane into Mount Rushmore, 332 00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:42,019 instead of landing safely in Detroit 333 00:17:42,054 --> 00:17:43,621 where all these passengers paid to land. 334 00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:46,690 It seems like straight up bad customer service to me, right? 335 00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:48,225 Doesn't it? 336 00:17:48,259 --> 00:17:50,059 I wonder if we should maybe wake the captain up. 337 00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:53,496 No, no, no, no, no. The captain had a very, very late night last night. 338 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,897 We are not waking the captain. 339 00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,032 That's why there's four of us in the cockpit, okay? 340 00:17:58,735 --> 00:17:59,968 I'm gonna call the tower. 341 00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:01,637 Yeah, I'm just gonna double check. 342 00:18:01,671 --> 00:18:03,372 Super duper idea. 343 00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:06,843 Detroit tower, this is Mark. 344 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:11,248 Hey! Hey, how's it going, Mark? Uh, this is flight 77 from LAX... 345 00:18:11,282 --> 00:18:13,183 Tell him I said hi. 346 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:17,088 Uh, our radio guy just gave me kind of a squirrely message, 347 00:18:17,122 --> 00:18:19,157 and I just wanted to double check that you want us 348 00:18:19,191 --> 00:18:22,259 to land at 68 degrees north 349 00:18:22,294 --> 00:18:24,128 by 99 west... 99 west. 350 00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:26,263 ...Because we think that would have this plane 351 00:18:26,297 --> 00:18:27,831 crashing into Mount Rushmore? 352 00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,533 That make sense to you guys? Definitely will, yeah. 353 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,067 Give me a sec here, and I'll run it up the chain. 354 00:18:31,102 --> 00:18:32,769 Don't, I mean if it's too much trouble. 355 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,303 Don't, uh... Don't, uh... Tell him not to freak out about it. 356 00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:35,438 Oh, yeah. They're looking? 357 00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:36,672 Yeah. Okay. 358 00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:39,708 Hold music. 359 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:40,943 What are they playing? 360 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,479 Danger Zone. 361 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,348 Danger Zone! 362 00:18:45,382 --> 00:18:47,250 Fucking A! 363 00:18:47,284 --> 00:18:48,618 Goose! 364 00:18:48,652 --> 00:18:49,953 Maverick! 365 00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:51,255 Maverick, Goose! 366 00:18:52,524 --> 00:18:53,758 I feel the need... 367 00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:56,528 The need for speed! 368 00:18:58,765 --> 00:19:00,132 Ah, the Gun. 369 00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:02,334 Rusty! Rusty, you a big Top Gun fan? 370 00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:05,170 The movie? 371 00:19:05,205 --> 00:19:07,673 The movie Top Gun? Tom Cruise? 372 00:19:07,707 --> 00:19:08,941 Kilmer? 373 00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,676 Dead fighter pilots? 374 00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:12,177 You never saw that one? Never saw Top Gun! 375 00:19:12,212 --> 00:19:14,413 Oh, you gotta Netflix that one, Rusty. 376 00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:16,048 That is a good one. Goody. 377 00:19:16,083 --> 00:19:17,249 Cruise's always good. 378 00:19:17,284 --> 00:19:19,018 He was always good. He was always good. Reliable. 379 00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:21,587 You know, despite all the hubbub, just a great actor. 380 00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:23,289 Found it. Hmm. 381 00:19:23,323 --> 00:19:26,292 68 north by 99 west, that's Mount Rushmore, all right. 382 00:19:26,326 --> 00:19:28,828 Anything else I can do for you? 383 00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:30,430 No, I guess that's good. 384 00:19:30,464 --> 00:19:32,465 Thanks, guys. Thank you. 385 00:19:32,499 --> 00:19:33,533 What'd he say? 386 00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:34,735 Yeah, that's Mount Rushmore, all right. 387 00:19:34,769 --> 00:19:39,340 Okey doke, 68 north by 99 west. 388 00:19:40,909 --> 00:19:42,443 Who's on Mount Rushmore, again? There's uh, let's see. 389 00:19:42,477 --> 00:19:44,378 You got, uh... 390 00:19:44,412 --> 00:19:46,680 Roosevelt. One of the Roosevelts. Lincoln? Yeah, Lincoln. 391 00:19:46,714 --> 00:19:48,982 Teddy? FDR? The walking Roosevelt. 392 00:19:49,016 --> 00:19:51,017 Walking Roosevelt is Teddy. Yeah, you got Teddy. 393 00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:53,453 And then, uh, right. You got, uh, George Washington. 394 00:19:53,487 --> 00:19:55,488 Right. And... And... 395 00:19:55,522 --> 00:19:58,591 Van Buren? No, obviously not Van Buren. Taft. 396 00:20:04,798 --> 00:20:06,165 What were we talking about? 397 00:20:06,199 --> 00:20:08,067 Uh, we were talking about, uh, Top Gun. 398 00:20:08,101 --> 00:20:09,168 Top Gun! 399 00:20:09,202 --> 00:20:10,503 Mount Rushmore! Right, right! 400 00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:11,937 They want us to crash the plane into Mount Rushmore. 401 00:20:11,972 --> 00:20:13,739 Maybe... 402 00:20:13,774 --> 00:20:14,807 We should run that by the old, uh, flight attendants. 403 00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:16,276 This must be their route, right? 404 00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,044 Yeah. They would remember, right? 405 00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,646 Flight attendants to the flight deck, 406 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,282 flight attendants to the flight deck, please. 407 00:20:21,316 --> 00:20:22,449 Va-va-voom! 408 00:20:24,085 --> 00:20:25,252 Is there a problem? 409 00:20:32,295 --> 00:20:36,633 Uh, no, not a problem per se, just a quick question which is, um, 410 00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,702 this is your normal route, right? Right? 411 00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:40,738 Oh, fourteen times a week, sir. 412 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:47,344 Do you remember ever, ever being ordered to crash the plane into Mount Rushmore? 413 00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:52,916 I, wow, I don't think so, but then I'm not up in the cockpit, so... 414 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,918 Ah. 415 00:20:54,952 --> 00:20:56,853 I know we never have crashed into Mount Rushmore, so there's that. 416 00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,221 Right. You'd remember that. 417 00:20:58,255 --> 00:21:00,390 I would remember that, I think. Yeah, totally. 418 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,926 Yeah. What about you two guys? 419 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,628 You ever remember being ordered to crash the plane? 420 00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:07,463 You do? You do remember? 421 00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,631 You definitely have? 422 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:14,970 So, on previous flights on this route you have been ordered to 423 00:21:15,004 --> 00:21:19,841 and subsequently did crash the plane into Mount Rushmore? 424 00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:25,013 Uh, every day the same old, same old. 425 00:21:25,048 --> 00:21:26,782 Different day, same shit. 426 00:21:26,816 --> 00:21:28,217 Huh. Huh. 427 00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:29,451 Your guess won. There you go. 428 00:21:29,486 --> 00:21:30,752 All right. There you go. 429 00:21:30,787 --> 00:21:32,554 Maybe we should call the TSA? 430 00:21:32,589 --> 00:21:35,056 No! Let's not bug those guys. Let's not bug them. 431 00:21:35,091 --> 00:21:37,426 Yeah, let's not bug those guys. Yeah. 432 00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,860 I hate to bug 'em. Yeah, okay. 433 00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:40,329 Okay, okay, yeah. Oh, don't bug 'em. Don't bug 'em. 434 00:21:40,363 --> 00:21:41,797 No, no, no, no, no. Don't bug 'em, don't bug 'em. 435 00:21:41,832 --> 00:21:42,865 They're there. Speed dial. Okay, bug 'em. 436 00:21:42,899 --> 00:21:44,899 That's okay. That's why they're there. 437 00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,438 Ringing. Ringing. 438 00:22:07,324 --> 00:22:08,858 You know, it's still pretty early there, 439 00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,626 - at the TSA, you know. - Okay, here's the thing. 440 00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:13,429 We are over South Dakota right now, so if we don't quit squawking, 441 00:22:13,463 --> 00:22:14,597 we're gonna miss Mount Rushmore, so... 442 00:22:14,631 --> 00:22:16,032 There ain't gonna be no plane crash. 443 00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:18,668 Exactly. So, uh, so I say 444 00:22:18,702 --> 00:22:21,538 that's it, boom, settled, we're crashing into Mount Rushmore. 445 00:22:21,572 --> 00:22:24,941 Uh, everybody back to your seats, and crash positions, please. 446 00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,410 Yay! Woo-hoo! 447 00:22:26,444 --> 00:22:27,678 Here we go. Very exciting. 448 00:22:27,712 --> 00:22:29,179 Okay. Bye! 449 00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:31,315 This is going to feel a little funny for a little while. 450 00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,017 And... 451 00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:36,186 Ladies and gentlemen, if you look directly out the front of the plane 452 00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,522 you are in for a real treat, 453 00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:41,425 and that is the face of Mount Rushmore heading straight for us. 454 00:22:41,459 --> 00:22:42,593 Jefferson! Look at that! 455 00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:43,927 That's who it is! That's number four. 456 00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:47,231 And away we go! 457 00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:49,666 Coming in hot! Coming in hot. 458 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:53,137 Did you say 68 north by 99 west? 459 00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:54,538 Yeah, where you been, Rusty? 460 00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:56,907 What part of "We're crashing the plane into Mount Rushmore" 461 00:22:56,941 --> 00:22:58,008 don't you get? 462 00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:04,281 I think this is 66 north by 89 west. 463 00:23:04,315 --> 00:23:06,583 Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport. Right! 464 00:23:06,617 --> 00:23:08,284 Makes so much more sense! Makes way more sense. 465 00:23:08,318 --> 00:23:10,586 Pull her up, pull her up. Whoa! 466 00:23:10,621 --> 00:23:12,821 Just rerouting. Just rerouting. Whoo. 467 00:23:12,856 --> 00:23:14,790 Just rerouting us. 468 00:23:14,824 --> 00:23:18,026 Jeez, yeah, there's that big blizzard so they send us to another airport. 469 00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:19,527 Yeah. Not crashing... 470 00:23:19,562 --> 00:23:20,628 Not crashing into Mount Rushmore. 471 00:23:20,663 --> 00:23:21,662 That's crazy. 472 00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:22,730 Did I miss anything? 473 00:23:22,764 --> 00:23:24,131 No, no, no. Nothing at all. 474 00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:25,599 It's all good. It's all good. 475 00:23:27,102 --> 00:23:28,369 I'll tell you, though, you let one more fart loose in here 476 00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:29,970 I'm gonna have to drop the oxygen masks. 477 00:23:31,873 --> 00:23:34,041 Don't talk about your "underwear bomber." 478 00:23:34,076 --> 00:23:36,043 That's this guy. That's this guy. 479 00:23:52,262 --> 00:23:53,529 Oh, lordy. 480 00:23:53,563 --> 00:23:55,064 Hey, don't blame me, though. 481 00:23:55,099 --> 00:23:57,467 I was told by my boss that was going to be a lot better. 482 00:23:57,501 --> 00:23:59,302 You know, that's the problem around here, though. 483 00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:01,838 People at this company don't know what they're doing. 484 00:24:01,872 --> 00:24:03,573 Isn't that always the way, though? 485 00:24:03,607 --> 00:24:06,508 Guys like you and me get the shaft, while they get the mine? 486 00:24:07,744 --> 00:24:09,277 Well, don't worry. 487 00:24:09,312 --> 00:24:10,411 We'll get 'em back. 488 00:24:10,611 --> 00:24:20,811 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com